Archive of Our Own

It was an early December morning. The bone-chilling weather outside sent winds equally cold through the tall and carefully structured buildings scattered around Air Supplena Island. 

Suzie Q noted this and had readied herself accordingly. She brought a warm, hand-knitted blanket with her. It was draped across her shoulders as she maneuvered through one of the long and carpeted hallways looking to fetch Caesar and Joseph from their bedrooms, by Lisa Lisa’s request. It was a bit long, and she nearly tripped over it a few times, but that didn’t dull her spirits in the slightest. 

She was humming excitedly to herself as she walked, thinking about all the surprises that the day would have in store. The announcement that Lisa Lisa was going to make to the boys was especially great, and one that the fifty-year-old had already filled Suzie and the two Hamon trainers in on. Caesar and Joseph were officially the only ones on the island who didn’t know the big news, and that was part of what made the entire situation so riveting.

Only a small bit of time elapsed before the maid reached the room of the first boy on her list: Caesar Zeppeli. She softly wrapped her knuckles against the wooden door, then called out, “Caesar? Are you up?” before deciding to add one more knock for good measure. The sounds of her fingers against the wooden door echoed through the otherwise quiet atmosphere, and then came what was quite possibly the most tiresome part of knocking on one’s door. The waiting game.

She wasn’t worried, though. Whenever she was sent to fetch the two, Caesar never made her wait on him for too long… but maybe that was because of his “morning person” attributes, or how pleased he seemed to be overall when he was able to wake up bright and early. 

Either way, it was always Joseph who took a year and a half getting out of the bed. At times, he even took that long to get ready. Suzie couldn’t even begin to recall the amount of times she had to inform Lisa Lisa that Joseph was still getting dressed, when in actuality he had already picked an outfit and was instead attempting to psych himself up. It could be that he’d be doing something such as giving himself a pep talk in the mirror, or brushing one of the sharp strands of hair on top of his head for about the millionth time. No one ever knew quite what they were going to get waiting on Joseph Joestar to get ready for the day.

The funniest thing was that Caesar and Joseph were both supposed to be up by this time normally. The hour that Suzie Q had headed to their bedrooms was about when Lisa Lisa expected them to get up on their own and meet their Hamon trainers downstairs for a session… on a regular day, at least. 

But today’s announcement was far from regular, and Suzie was nearly bursting at the seams with excitement. 

As she had expected, it didn’t take more than a few seconds before the door ahead of her cracked open to reveal a boy with hair nearly the same shade as hers. He was sending her a sleepy smile. 

“Good morning, Suzie,” Caesar greeted sweetly, before leaning his head against the door frame. Initially, Suzie thought he looked different… but soon realized it was only because he was wearing pajamas, and was yet to change into an outfit adorned with the usual extravagant patterns and accessories he wore. “Did you ask me something?” 

“Huh? Oh, yeah!” Suzie cried, giggling as she initially struggled to recall what exactly her question had been. “I wanted to know if you’re up. Are you?”

Caesar was silent for a moment, and rightfully so. He couldn’t tell if she was joking around or being serious. 

Suzie blinked and looked at Caesar expectantly for a few seconds, and that’s what eventually confirmed what he was afraid of most… She was actually serious. 

“I, um… yeah,” the blonde boy muttered, and forced out a pained laugh. It was a laugh that he was sure he’s used around Joseph the most, any time the brunette tried sharing one of his ridiculous jokes with him. “Yeah, I’m up.” 

“Great!” Suzie cried, totally oblivious to the nonsensical question she had asked. Instead, she continued the conversation as if nothing of the sort happened. “So, you already know the drill. Signora Lisa Lisa sent me down here because she’d like to speak with you and JoJo! She’d like you both to come and meet her in her room.” 

“That’s no problem,” Caesar nodded. He was still struggling off the shock of Suzie’s earlier question. Maybe it was the fact that he had been around Joseph for too long, but Suzie’s cluelessness was weighing on him heavier heavier than usual in that moment. “Grazie, Suzie.” 

Suzie nodded, flashed him one of her adorable smiles, and was about to step away from the door when she realized that there was actually a little something else that she wanted to discuss with him. “Oh yeah, and Caesar? Could I ask you something real quick?” 

“Of course,” Caesar replied almost immediately, before looking at her with a bit of concern. “There’s nothing bothering you, is there?” 

“No, of course! Nothing like that,” Suzie insisted. She glanced down at the blanket she had forgotten was around her shoulders and played with it between her fingers. “I was just wondering… how have you and JoJo been?” 

The question caught Caesar off guard, surely. 

Although, maybe that was a bit of an understatement. His breath nearly hitched in his throat as he racked his brain for what he was possibly supposed to reply with. He could’ve sworn this was a trick question. 

He regained his composure just enough to ask Suzie why she was suddenly questioning their relationship. 

Then he internally scolded himself for using the word “relationship” when “friendship” could’ve sufficed just as nicely. 

He figured he had dug himself farther into the void with how long he’d taken to respond… but then he remembered that it was only Suzie Q that he was talking to, the one who had earlier asked if he was up when he was standing directly in front of her. 

Who was he kidding, anyway? A friendship was the only type of relationship that the two boys had, and the only type that they’d likely ever have. 

That didn’t exactly explain why Suzie Q was suddenly questioning about them, though. 

Caesar couldn’t deny the fact that there had been a few moments between him and Joseph where onlookers could’ve easily assumed that something else was going on… there had even been moments where Caesar wished that something else was going on.  

Though, it was Joseph Joestar that he was talking about... and as far as Caesar was concerned, the brunette was one person he would never admit feelings for, no matter how painfully obvious they became. 

“It… just seems that the two of you are getting along much better than you used to,” Suzie Q smiled knowingly. 

Though Suzie could act a bit clueless at times, that didn’t define her entirely. The bright-eyed maid could easily put equations together when the two addends were acting as obvious as Caesar and Joseph were. 

It was alright, though… the plan that Suzie had so expertly crafted would put an end to that. It was also going to be executed whenever the remarkable Joseph Joestar decided to arise from his bed and join Caesar in Lisa Lisa’s room. 

“But, hey… since the two of you are getting along so well, I was wondering if you could wake him up for me!” Suzie exclaimed, causing Caesar’s expression to change completely. 

“H-huh?” Caesar stuttered, “Suzie, I-”

“I’m sorry, Caesar, I really am,” Suzie insisted, unintentionally interrupting him. “I just can’t bear going into his room again! I mean, have you ever smelled it? I bet he’s hiding a Pillar Man in there.”  

Caesar hadn’t smelled Joseph’s room before; but based on the description given to him by Suzie, the thought of catching a whiff definitely wasn’t exciting. 

Ultimately, though, he agreed to do it. For Suzie’s sake, of course. 

“Grazie mille, Caesar!” Suzie cried, an immense weight removed from her shoulders. She was sure that if she dared to take even a single step into Joseph’s room, the joyfulness that was hanging over her day would vanish immediately. “Also, if you don’t mind, tell him to hurry, please!” 

The realization of the situation Suzie had just put Caesar in didn’t happen to set in until she had already turned from Caesar’s doorway and began heading back towards the direction she had come.

Suzie was nearly as interested in what would happen with them as she was in Lisa Lisa’s announcement. She decided that she’d have to find a way to get the inside scoop on the situation later.

Meanwhile, Caesar let out an exasperated sigh, spinning around on his heel and entering his bedroom to decide on which showy outfit he would sport that day.   

It took Caesar way too long to make his way to Joseph’s bedroom.

His room was directly beside his, anyway. The blonde wasn’t entirely sure why it seemed to have taken him nearly twenty minutes to reach the door, but he brushed the strange feeling off and lifted a fist to knock. 

One of the first things he pondered as he was waiting was how obviously different their manners were. Joseph surely wouldn’t think to use so much courtesy if the situation were to somehow be reversed. He would probably kick Caesar’s door down without the slightest bit of regret… well, until Coach came scolding him for breaking island property, that is. 

Of course, thanks to Joseph being himself, after a few minutes of Caesar waiting outside, the door didn’t end up opening. 

Caesar wanted nothing more than to head to Coach’s room on his own and let Joseph get chewed out right about then, but he soon remembered how it was Suzie Q who had asked him to carry out the task for her, and he didn’t want to let her down. He decided he’d have to push through it, even if the task involved going to the bedroom of/waking up a brunette who he wanted to lovingly punch daily.  

Taking a bit of the “Joseph approach”, Caesar grasped a hold of the doorknob, turned it, and pushed it in without even bothering to call out Joseph’s name first. He was sure that the Joestar would be so proud of him, if he was awake.

“JoJo, you better not still be asleep,” Caesar teased, the first words that left his mouth upon his entering the room. He expected Joseph to be engaged in his usual state of affairs, pretending that he’s asleep when in reality he’s busy primping or “readying” himself.

As the door opened further to reveal Joseph’s bedroom, however, Caesar’s eyes scanned the premises and widened as they realized that Joseph was actually still in his bed. Though Caesar and Suzie joked about Joseph taking forever to get up often, he had never actually stayed in bed that long. Knowing Coach, doing something like that would just be asking for it. 

“Hey!” The brunette’s accent-laced voice immediately rang out as Caesar drew nearer towards him, which signified that he had been awake the entire time. “You could’ve knocked, you know; That’s kind of what doors are for!”

“JoJo, what the hell are you doing still laying down?” Caesar snapped, ignoring the fuss that the boy ahead of him was making. He was exasperated by now, but what else was to expect when talking to his training partner? “You’re lucky Suzie was the one sending for us today, you know, or else you would’ve been in big trouble! But I bet you didn’t know that, did you? What were you going to do if I didn’t show up?” 

“Nothing,” Joseph admitted, sitting up and resting his head against the pillow pressed against the headboard of the bed. “I heard Suzie was coming to your door, and I knew she was coming to mine next, so I figured that in the meantime I’d get a bit more rest in.” 

“Whatever,” Caesar mumbled, rolling his eyes after deciding that it would be best to avoid snapping on him for a bit. He would just have to do what he had come to do in the first place and deliver the message that had been relayed to him by Suzie. “Apparently Coach has a message for us, and we have to get going; so if you don’t get your ass up in the next thirty seconds, I’m gonna tell her you slept without your mask on again.” 

“Caesar! You wouldn’t!” Joseph cried out as if it was the dirtiest, lowest move in the history of blackmailing methods that Caesar just executed. His hand tentatively flew up to his lips, as if he were feeling for the mask even though it was clear that it wasn’t over his face. 

Caesar nodded authoritatively, crossing his arms as he waited for Joseph to get up. He knew he had him exactly where he wanted him. He was feeling all high and mighty and was about to take his threats a step further until he caught the scent of what he assumed to be Suzie’s earlier description of “Pillar Man” floating through the air.

“Ergh, what the hell? Suzie’s right. It does smell in here,” he cried out, albeit nasally because he had pinched his nose with his thumb and index fingers. 

“How did you even manage to cause this? You just moved into this room like three days ago…” Caesar glanced around the otherwise cozy bedroom, searching for what could even cause such a strange occurrence. “I don’t even see anything that could be the source of… Whatever, that’s not important. Hurry up and get ready, JoJo.” 

“Huh?” Joseph questioned, eyebrows raising as he hadn’t quite caught what the blonde had just told him. “I can’t hear you because of the way you’re grabbing your nose, geni-”

“I said hurry up and get ready!” Caesar exclaimed, understandably impatient. 

“Alright, alright, give me a moment,” Joseph sighed, sliding himself with ease out from under the massive concentration of blankets on top of his bed. As he flipped over them, he unknowingly awarded Caesar a full view of his boxers, causing Caesar to gasp before forcing quite the violent cough from his throat. How dare Joseph do this with him directly in the room?

At the same time, though... 

No, there was no time to succumb to his suggestive thoughts. He had to get out of there. They had to get out of there, or else they could very much end up in trouble. 

Coach could’ve possibly been on her way down to the room already. She could waltz through the door, spot Joseph in his underwear and Caesar standing like a deer in headlights not too far away from him, and be inclined to think that something else was going on. It would end up being yet another moment to add to the list, Caesar realized. 

He was beyond finished at that point, and was preparing himself to leave the bedroom, but unfortunately Joseph’s voice cut through the air and interrupted him yet again. “Hey, don’t leave. Wait for me, alright?” 

“I’m not waiting for you, JoJo. Not in this room,” Caesar insisted, shaking his head to prove his point, though the brunette wasn’t facing him at the moment. 

“Come on, please?” Joseph pleaded, but his begging proved to be fruitless as Caesar ducked out of the bedroom, firmly shutting the door behind him. 

He didn’t head too far away, though; instead he just stepped into the hallway and stood wondering why he was heeding Joseph’s request and waiting for him in the first place. At this point, anything was better than being in the same room as Joseph while he was acting as unrestrained as he was back in his room; Caesar was sure that he wouldn’t have been able to survive another second. 

Just then, the boy who had been taking over Caesar’s thoughts emerged from his bedroom in what might’ve very well been record time, dressed properly. The most smug smile was plastered on his tan face, too, and Caesar knew he was in for quite the teasing. “Well, well, well. Look who waited for me after all. Couldn’t bear to leave me behind, could you?” 

“I’m leaving you behind right now,” Caesar stated, before he spun on his heel and walked away from the younger boy to prove his point. The day had already proven to be more than overly exhausting, and they hadn’t even made it to Lisa Lisa’s room yet. Go figure. 

“Ah, ah, ah,” Joseph smirked, following behind him as they headed toward the front door. “You said that you weren’t waiting for me and then proceeded to. I’m pretty sure that’s a contradiction or something.” 

“I said that I wasn’t waiting for you in your room,” Caesar interpreted, raising a finger as he does so. At this point, he was just pulling excuses out of his rear, but they happened to make sense so he rolled along with them. “Instead, I waited in the hallway. So technically, I never lied.” 

As Joseph let out a huff of utter defeat, Caesar thought about how he didn’t need an excuse, as he would’ve waited for him, regardless. Of course, there was no way that he was going to let Joseph in on that.

“Besides,” the blonde began, tapping the side of Joseph’s face as a way to emphasize the next question he asked, “aren’t you forgetting a little something?”

Joseph stood there in confusion for a few seconds before he let out a small squeak and barreled back towards his room to retrieve his Hamon mask. 

♡ ♡ ♡

It was on their way towards one of the many other buildings on the island when Caesar and Joseph realized that they truly didn’t have the slightest idea what they were expecting from Lisa Lisa. 

Usually when she called them to her room together like this, the conversation was never about training; unsurprisingly, about a good half of them were about things that Joseph had done wrong that Caesar ended up getting dragged along to be a part of. 

As Joseph walked though, and the two pondered what the conversation could be about, he realized he hadn’t done anything terribly wrong in the past twenty-four hours, and he hadn’t gotten Caesar involved in one of his schemes for a few days. There was something else that Lisa Lisa wanted to talk to them about, and it was likely in their best interest to try to get to the bottom of it before they arrived, just in case they needed to be prepared for the worst.

“Maybe she wants to talk about how good I’ve been doing,” Caesar boasted, knowing that it would get under Joseph’s skin. After hearing the slightest bit of a growl come from him, he knew that he had succeeded, and shot him a teasing smile. “Oh… and you as well. Maybe.”

“Whaaatever Caesar,” Joseph sang, as Caesar raised an eyebrow. 

“Weren’t you supposed to have put that on by now?” He asked, gesturing towards the grey Hamon training mask that was still being gripped by the other boy’s hand and not on his face where it belonged. Of course, Caesar wasn’t complaining about Joseph’s face not being hidden, but he figured the boy forgetting to put the mask on would probably somehow result in both of them getting in trouble. 

“It’s not that big of a deal, I’ll put it on in Lisa Lisa’s room. I’ll just tell her that I was eating or something. Besides, why are you so worried about it all of a sudden?” His question was accompanied by a smirk. 

“Oh please, JoJo. You’re going to forget.”

“I’m not going to forget!” Joseph insisted, before he hugged his arms around his torso tighter and shivered. “Bloody hell, it’s as cold as ice out here! Wait, that reminds me... Caesar, what if Lisa Lisa finally came to her senses and is going to let us do the idea that I had?” 

“That ‘Secret Santa’ thing that you proposed to her last month?” Caesar scoffed before he let out an amused laugh. “I truly doubt it. You couldn’t possibly think that Coach actually took your begging into consideration?” 

“Joseph, we took your begging into consideration,” Lisa Lisa announced shortly after the two boys arrived in her room. 

There wasn’t a smile gracing her face, but the one that was plastered on Joseph’s after he processed her words was so large it could’ve served as one for the both of them. 

Caesar simply rolled his eyes in anguish; he knew that Joseph’s boasting was to come at any moment. He couldn’t believe what was happening; in all of his years with his coach, she had never given the green light to anything as outlandish as this. Then again, Joseph was the only one out of the other five who would ask for something of the sort. 

“We’ve decided that your Secret Santa idea wouldn’t be all that bad of an idea,” Lisa Lisa continued, pretending to ignore the fact that Joseph was rattling as if he were about to explode. “Messina and Loggins looked into it a bit, and I’ve decided that I like the idea. It’ll bring a refreshing bit of cheerfulness into our routine.”

“I told you,” Joseph mouthed to Caesar, and Caesar sent him a look of pure confusion because he had no idea what Joseph was trying to mouth, and Joseph mouthed the same thing again, and Caesar mouthed, “Shut up,” and Joseph mouthed asking him if he even understood what he was mouthing in the first place, and Caesar mouthed for him to stop mouthing such long sentences because he couldn’t underst... 

Click. Lisa Lisa put the Hamon mask back onto Joseph’s mouth, which put a quick end to their strange “silent talking” war. 

Caesar stifled a laugh with his hand as she slowly made her way back to the middle of the room where she had been making her announcement. Joseph initially shook it off, but the sudden urge to check for his own mask in his pocket took over and he shoved his hand inside. 

He quickly came to the shocking realization that his Hamon mask was still inside, meaning that the one that Lisa Lisa had supplied him with was an extra. Just how many of these death traps had she gotten made?  

“Anyway, we won’t simply be letting you all run wild picking gifts for one another,” Lisa Lisa began, and she decided to keep her eyes locked on Joseph as she spoke the next part. She knew it was him that needed to hear it the most. “There have been some ground rules set, and I’m going to retrieve the others so that everyone will hear them.” 

“Ugghhh,” Joseph groaned out dramatically, tilting his head back as Lisa Lisa headed out of the room. His next question was directed towards Caesar, although it was more of a rhetorical one; he had simply been hoping for the attention. “We can’t ever have nice things, can we?” 

Caesar acted as if he couldn’t see Joseph out of the corner of his eye, turning his head to the side as if it would help. For some reason, he was beyond embarrassed. 

Maybe it was because Joseph was acting like such a klutz, but maybe it was also because he was growing a bit fond of the way that Joseph was acting. He made sure to assure himself that he wasn’t growing “entirely” fond, because it was still Joseph he was talking about.

It wasn’t long before Lisa Lisa headed back into the room with her maid and the two Hamon instructors following closely behind. 

From then on, she continued on with her spiel, this time with five people standing in front of her instead of two. “These first few rules are my expectations for the gifts you’ll be purchasing. First of all, nothing overly expensive. I considered putting a specific cap on the amount, but Suzie Q believed it wasn’t necessary. Don’t screw this up for her.”

All eyes latched onto Suzie, who was overflowing with happiness as she sent them a thumbs up. 

“Second, and I know it’s a bit of a general statement, but... no extremely strange gifts,” Lisa Lisa continued. “By this, I hope you realize that I’m talking about presents such as those purchased as jokes...” 

“So no gag gifts, essentially,” Joseph commented, pouting behind the mask. “Damn. That’s always my entire motivation when I go gift shopping.” 

“Well, this year it won’t be,” The fifty-year-old retorted, and Suzie Q giggled a bit. “This next one should be obvious enough, but no one is allowed to bring home any animals, either. I already regret that I gave you all the permission to do this. I don’t need to regret that I gave you all the permission to do this while having to deal with animal excretion on my floor.” 

Caesar couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the ludicrous rules. Where had the basis for them come from? No animals? Who in their right mind would try something as foolish as that? 

The question that Joseph asked next, though, reminded him. 

“Soooo... going by that logic, I’m assuming that meerkats are out of the question?” Joseph questioned, raising his hand as if he was in a school classroom.

“Where the hell would you even get a meerkat from?” Caesar cried.

Joseph shrugged, turning to face him, “I think I know a guy who sells them back in New York.” 

“That’s enough boys,” Lisa Lisa ordered, snapping her fingers to gather their attention. “I only have one more rule, and after it’s given, you all can talk about pointless things amongst yourselves until your hearts give out.” 

She focused her attention on Joseph yet again and quickly remembered why she had decided to add so many nonsensical rules to the list. So that Joseph would be forced to abide by the guidelines and not return with something completely absurd. 

“And this wasn’t one of the original rules, but there will be no leaving Italy to make purchases, Joseph. I thought that would’ve been obvious too, but I guess not.”

Joseph let out a small sigh at that. He knew his plan would’ve likely have been discouraged anyway, but it had still been worth suggesting. Going by Lisa Lisa’s wording, he also assumed that bringing his friend Smokey to Italy to meet them wasn’t exactly a good idea for a gift, either. 

“It’s alright, JoJo, maybe next time!” Suzie encouraged, regarding his whole meerkat idea. 

Messina and Loggins simply gave out grunts as responses, and Joseph couldn’t help but flinch a bit upon hearing them. Those two always managed to be frightening, as they always carried solemn expressions on their facial-hair covered faces wherever they went. Joseph wondered how Lisa Lisa had managed to meet and successfully hire people like them. 

“This is the most important rule of them all, so pay attention,” The aforementioned woman ordered, which caused all eyes to return to her. “And it is solely for Caesar and Joseph. You boys have to swear that you will return to your training harder than ever before when the gift trading comes to a cease. Do we have a deal?” 

“Yes,” the two boys responded simultaneously, although Joseph’s answer was delivered with more hesitation. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to do it, it was just the idea of having to work even harder when it was all over. 

“I’ve already entrusted Suzie Q, Messina, and Loggins with printing out names for you all to pull,” Lisa Lisa commented, before heading towards one of the chairs in the room. 

“Are you not going to be participating, Coach?” Caesar questioned, his green eyes following her as Suzie went to retrieve a small basket with six folded slips of paper scattered around inside. 

“I don’t think so, Caesar. This is more of an activity I thought the rest of you would enjoy,” Lisa Lisa responded, and crossed her legs as she took a seat. 

“What?! But I already put a piece of paper in here for you, Signora!” Suzie cried out as she picked up on the conversation. With a little more pressing from her and Caesar, Lisa Lisa ultimately decided that would bite. It couldn’t hurt... and besides, the look on Suzie’s excitement when she announced her involvement was perhaps the most rewarding gift of them all. 

Suzie then let everyone take one of the small slips of paper. She brought the basket to Loggins first. Joseph tried to watch his face for the smallest sign of who he had received, but then he remembered that was Loggins he was talking about. A stone was more likely to show expression than he was.  

The blonde maid happily bounded over to Lisa Lisa next, which was strange since she happened to be farther away from her than Caesar, Joseph, and Messina were. Caesar took note of this: how the maid was priding herself in not going in any order at all. When she skipped Messina to give the basket to him, it only served as more proof of his observation. He had quite the skeptical expression when she arrived.  

“I think you should pick this one,” Suzie Q announced almost immediately, and gestured to one of the papers toward the right side of the basket. This only managed to heighten his suspicion. What was she doing? Was she rigging the game somehow? Or was she just being sweet? “There’s a certain radiance coming from this piece of paper in particular... I’m sure you’ll just love it!” 

Initially, Caesar didn’t want to... there was something about how Suzie was insisting that he pick the paper that just seemed a bit off to him. Eventually, though, he figured it was just a game, and whoever he was supposed to get, he would end up getting. With that attitude, he reached into the basket and, much to Suzie’s delight, picked the paper that she wanted him to. 

Of course, he sang an entirely different tune when he unfolded the paper and his eyes scanned over the name written in Suzie’s cursive. 

Joseph. 

What type of present would he even buy for him? A guide on how to keep his room smelling decent? 

There was only one sheet of paper left by the time that the basket got to the brunette, and Joseph questioned it when Suzie reached him. This also made Caesar’s ears perk up. It was all a bit too coincidental for him.

“I already drew, silly! I chose first,” Suzie explained, sending him a mischievous smile as she rotated the basket to slide the paper around... though there was only one to choose from. It just ramped up the adrenaline, she supposed. 

At last everyone had chosen, and Joseph had yet to look at who he had the absolute pleasure of buying a gift for. He took one glance at the paper in his hands before letting out a “I should’ve known” type of sigh. 

Caesar. 

What type of present would he even buy for him? A guide on how to stop being so uptight?

The group of six headed out of the building and toward the dock shortly after, with Lisa Lisa briefly explaining the plan to them as they went. She told them that they’d take her vessel into town and then disperse from there. 

As the rest of the group boarded, Joseph realized that he didn’t have the slightest idea how exactly they were supposed to hide items from each other whilst on the boat. He figured, however, that it was a problem to worry about after stressing over the fact that he had no idea what to get in the first place. 

Well, turns out there was actually an additional problem to add to the list, and it had been brought to the group’s attention by Messina.

“Have we all forgotten that JoJo doesn’t have any lira on him? How is he planning to go about actually buying anything?”

Joseph honestly hadn’t considered it beforehand, but he soon realized that their trainer was making quite a good point. 

The shopping street that the five had arrived in was bustling with individuals. Joseph allowed his eyes to bounce back and forth between those passing by, watching them enter the miscellaneous shops scattered around them, wondering where each person was headed. There was still that cold air lingering about the atmosphere, but Joseph paid it no mind; there was something cozy about standing there with the warm, lively ambience around them making up for the frigid winds that carried strands of his hair in nearly every direction. 

Of course, they were likely bothering some of those earlier mentioned passersby with their standing directly in the middle of the street, but Joseph didn’t worry his head too much about that, either. 

“That’s no problem at all, I can supply him with some,” Lisa Lisa replied, reaching inside of her bag as she intended to retrieve a few of the colorful bills serving as currency. 

“Not to mention JoJo doesn’t know a lick of Italian, either,” Loggins remarked as Lisa Lisa’s hands grasped a hold of her wallet. Of course. As one problem was solved, another one just had to arise. 

“Then how about sending someone with him?” Lisa Lisa offered instead, even though that was definitely against the rules of Secret Santa. Joseph was about to point this out to her, but before he could, Lisa Lisa nominated a person for the role. “Caesar, would you mind…” 

It was as if an alarm inside of Joseph was triggered as soon as he heard the name from Lisa Lisa’s lips form into Caesar and not Suzie. His heart immediately began racing, desperate to put an end to their coach’s idea immediately. 

“No!” Caesar and Joseph cried out at the same time, before they sent each other a questionable glance. 

“I, uh… just don’t think that’s a good idea, Coach. We’d probably argue a lot,” Caesar mumbled after a few seconds of silence, though he really wanted to accept. He figured it probably wouldn’t be too good for him though, considering the fact that he was the boy’s Secret Santa, and he was hiding feelings. 

Unsurprisingly, the Joestar had the same two boxes checked off. 

He wasn’t entirely sure when he started feeling so drawn towards Caesar, or why he even felt that way in the first place, but he had a bit of an idea. It was likely because of the way they interacted with one another. Joseph enjoyed their frequent bickering (when it’s not too overbearing), as it challenged him and helped keep him on his toes.

It was clear that coming up with fresh ways to annoy Caesar was always one of the highlights of his day, and he admired the fact that no matter how irritated he’d make him, the Zeppeli would never stop talking to him completely. At least, hopefully. He hadn’t pushed his buttons that far just yet. 

He also hadn’t really thought about telling Caesar any of the above straight to his face. The pair were a bit too much alike for their own good in this aspect. Suzie Q was sure that if it hadn’t been for her decision to meddle around, the day would not have turned out nearly as successful as it had so far. 

Just a bit longer… a bit more pressing on, and she thought for sure that her plans would come to fruition.

“I’ll go with JoJo!” She exclaimed suddenly, heading over to stand beside him. “I’m not his Secret Santa, you know, so that won’t be a problem.” 

“Suzie! You’re supposed to keep that a secret,” Joseph whined, and Suzie clamped a hand over her mouth and murmured “sorry” as if she had forgotten the reason they were there. 

“Do you at least know what grazie means, JoJo?” Loggins questioned, his dark eyes focused on Joseph’s suddenly. 

Suddenly, it felt as if all eyes were on him, waiting to see if he was going to reply correctly, and the intimidation was just all too much for the poor boy to handle. He uttered out the first thing that came to mind. “... Grass?” 

It wasn’t like he actually knew the right answer anyway, and it seemed as if not a single one of the remaining five people ahead of him were willing to share the actual meaning. His reply seemed to have changed each of their facial expressions as well, as each person had changed their look to one of concern or amusement. 

Lisa Lisa, who seemed to be a mixture of both, shook her head. “He’ll… definitely need someone to accompany him. Suzie Q, thank you for offering.” 

“My pleasure, signora,” Suzie replied.

It still wasn’t necessarily something that Joseph wanted to do, but he figured he didn’t have much of a choice.  He also realized it probably wasn’t a good idea to send him off by himself anyway, regardless of whether he was in a foreign shopping center or not.

Lisa Lisa set a time for them to meet back up where they were currently standing, and they were soon off. 

Caesar was still thinking about how he wished that he could’ve been the person to help Joseph around. He thought that he’d be able to at least catch the boy’s eye again, and decided to linger a bit behind as Loggins, Messina, and Lisa Lisa left. 

As he expected, Joseph turned to him before heading after Suzie. “‘We’d probably argue a lot’,  huh?” 

“Shut up, JoJo,” Caesar ordered, rolling his eyes playfully. “You know it’s true, stupido.” 

“You know Caesar, I don’t think you’re really good at this Secret Santa thing,” Joseph teased. “You’re being painfully obvious at the moment.” 

Oh, Joseph didn’t know the half of it. “Yeah? Then why were you so quick to say no?” 

“Because we’d probably argue,” Joseph replied, using Caesar’s own quote against him. Funny. 

“You’re so ridiculous, JoJo,” Caesar insisted, though he was sure it was something he had told the brunette countless times already. “I’ll see you later. Make sure you hold Suzie Q’s hand so you don’t get lost.”

Then again, Caesar wasn’t sure he would enjoy that too much. But it had already left his lips. 

“And you make sure you buy me something good, okay?” Joseph laughed, and it seemed as if he had failed to pay attention to Caesar’s comment. “I’m gonna go see if there’s a meerkat dealer nearby.” 

Caesar let out a snort of his own, bidding Joseph goodbye before he turned around and went in the same direction Lisa Lisa had gone. Joseph smiled to himself before joining an extra cheerful Suzie in the opposite way. 

They took about five steps before the brunette suddenly remembered something.

“Coach Lisa Lisa!” He yelled, which made him catch strange looks from those around him. “Do I have permission to take my mask off while we’re heading around? I mean there are other people here, and…” 

“Your point? It’s the holidays, not an alternate universe,” Lisa Lisa called back out to him, which was a bit surprising. Joseph hadn’t expected her to match his energy. He watched as she headed further and further away and eventually melted into the sea of shoppers ahead. 

It had been worth the try. 

After about thirty minutes have passed, Joseph realized that he and Suzie had been spending the entire time ambling through the streets window-shopping. The wintry backdrop had reddened their cheeks and noses (well, for Joseph, it had been only the parts that weren’t covered by the mask) and sent near-frostbite through their fingertips. 

There had been absolutely too many things that managed to catch Joseph’s eye. Time after time again he found himself drawn towards a shop window, and the glass would serve simply as an annoyance since it was separating him from a magnificent gift just a few feet away. 

A gift that Joseph planned to be for no other than himself, of course. 

It was true; he had been looking on with thoughts of primarily spoiling himself the entire time. 

There were just so many things, and so many shops, and so, so many possibilities. Joseph realized minutes ago that these were stores that Caesar had likely visited countless times before; Joseph thought that if he purchased any of these items for him, they wouldn’t be nearly as meaningful and exciting as they could b… 

Speaking of meaningful and exciting! The suit that he managed to glimpse across the street while thinking to himself was a stunner for sure. Joseph was that something of the sort would look just perfect on him. He was also sure that he’d never find something like that back at home and decided that he would have to get a good look at it when he and Suzie were walking back.

“Hey JoJo, are you alright?” Suzie asked suddenly, which prompted Joseph to tear his eyes away from the outfit he was planning to wear for social gatherings and what not in the future. (At this point, he had already come up with about three places that it could be worn, and that was a grand sign that it belonged in his wardrobe. Then again, having something that stylish would just cause him to take even longer to get ready.)

“Yeah, of course,” Joseph responded, raising an eyebrow curiously towards the smaller individual that was walking beside him. “Why do you ask?” 

“Just wondering. We’ve been walking around for quite a while, and you haven’t wanted to stop in a single store,” Suzie explained. “We also have about an hour more or so before Lisa Lisa will expect us back.” 

“Well, you haven’t exactly been doing much shopping for your person either, Suzie,” Joseph accused, though they were both partially at fault. Joseph had been too busy imagining himself in every piece of cloth and every single shoe he had come across, and Suzie had been too busy trying to plan out how the rest of her matchmaking attempts would go. 

“I’ll be completely honest, JoJo…” Suzie began slowly. “I got Loggins, and even though I’ve known him for a few years… I don’t actually know a single thing about him!”

She had ignored every single definition behind “Secret Santa” by deciding to give Joseph who she was assigned to straight out. Nice. 

Joseph’s attention had begun to get drawn elsewhere, so Suzie decided that that she would take it upon herself to further her matchmaking attempts. She didn’t have a good idea for a segue, though, and this proved to be obvious as she blurted out the question instead of smoothly bringing it up. “So, have you been thinking about Caesar at all?”

There wasn’t a response. Suzie tried to back herself up, attempting to play down what were clear attempts at trying to get Joseph to talk about him. “I think the two of you get along much better than you act like you do.” 

She had to stop, she was being too obvious. But she couldn’t stop herself from questioning. Maybe she wanted to be too obvious. Maybe that was what they needed. 

“How funny would it be if the two of you got each other?” She continued, by now acknowledging the fact that she was exposing herself. 

“Hilarious,” Joseph replied simply, as he wasn’t really paying her any mind. He was instead tilting his head upward to read the name of a small shop they were passing in front of. The store seemed as if they were stocked with the type of knick-knacks and miscellaneous items that would be perfect to purchase for a Secret… well, whatever their gift exchanging had became.  “Can we stop in here, Suzie?”

“Yeah, of course. Maybe we’ll be able to find something,” Suzie replied, although she barely got the words out before Joseph excitedly hurried into the shop.

He definitely acknowledged the fact that his entire idea had been a bust by this point. He knew who Caesar had (him), Caesar knew who he had (Caesar) and he now knew who Suzie had. The only ones who seemed to be playing the game correctly were Lisa Lisa, Loggins, and Messina, and they could’ve very well shared their people with each other, for all Joseph knew. 

Joseph decided that he’d check in this one store only, and if he couldn’t find anything he would probably just call it quits on the whole “buying a gift from the store” thing. Material items weren’t the only gifts that gift-giving comprised anyway, correct? 

Upon entering the shop, however, Joseph’s attention was grabbed immediately. His aqua green eyes were paying careful attention to how neatly stocked each item in the store is, and he was admiring how the golden fluorescent lights refracted off of the freshly cleaned tiled floors. It was unlike anything the eighteen-year-old had ever seen before. 

Suzie caught the spaced-out look in his eye and laughed aloud as she turned to face him. “I’m going to go ahead and try to find something for Loggins. If you end up finding the perfect gift in here, let me know how much it is!” 

Spoiler alert: Joseph found nothing. 

It seemed as if he had circled the store hundreds of times by the time Suzie Q finally found him again, holding something that she had been lucky enough to find. An expression of pure concern was written all over her face as she observed how outwardly down he seemed. “What’s wrong?”

“I have no idea what to get for Caesar,” Joseph mumbled, downhearted. So much to where even he didn’t mind if he shared the individual that he had gotten assigned to. 

“Hey, don’t be upset! You’ll come up with something, I know you will,” Suzie tried her hardest attempt at cheering him up. “Just remember, the best gifts come from the heart!”

That was quite smooth, if she said so herself.

There was something that Joseph knew he’d like to tell Caesar, but he wasn’t entirely sure if it was something “from his heart” yet, and it surely wasn’t a gift, much less one that was given for a Secret Santa. 

Then again, it was worth reiterating that there was barely anything that they had done that day had complied with the normal rules. 

The sensation of Suzie Q piling a few bills into his hands interrupted his thoughts. He glanced up at her in confusion, wondering whether she was trying to urge him to buy something or not.

“Grazie. It means thank you,” Suzie explained, referring to the word he had been asked to define earlier. “If you don’t mind, could you pay the man behind the counter for me?” 

The boy quickly caught on and sent her a nod before expertly disguising his sulking as a slow and thoughtful walk towards the counter. The man behind the register immediately greeted Joseph in Italian, although it turned out the brunette had picked up on enough bits and pieces from the others on Air Supplena to not be entirely confused. The man also didn’t seem that bothered by the strange mask that was over his face, so he took that as a plus as well. 

He made it through the exchange alright, nodding his head where he assumed he was supposed to. It was only when the transaction comes to a close that he messed up, though his best intentions were truly forward when he did so. 

“Grassy,” Joseph thanked. 

Caesar had been wandering around the shops without much success, much like a certain other someone. 

Unlike him, however, Caesar had entered quite a few… but none of that changed the fact that he was still empty-handed. No matter how air-headed Joseph seems, Caesar was sure that the brunette wouldn’t appreciate if he decided to buy him any old item.

No matter how un-secret his job as Santa had became, he was still supposed to try his hardest to come up with something that would especially suit Joseph. At the end of the day, though, all the gifts that were lining the shelves seemed as if they would hold no true value if he were to get one of them for the boy. He would grab something antique off one of the shelves, tell Joseph that it was his pleasure after he watches him open it... and what afterwards?

Well, that’s usually how gift-giving usually works, Caesar remembered. 

But part of it just felt so worthless, especially when there was something else he’d rather tell Joseph. But… it wasn’t really much of a ‘gift’ by definition, was it?

He sent a polite goodbye to the person whose attempts to help him purchase something had been in vain, before he ducked out of what seemed like the thirtieth store. Immediately, after getting hit with the chilled air, his eyes focused on a familiar pair across the street which caused him to suck in a deep breath. Suzie and Joseph. How are they over here? Didn’t we go in two different directions? Caesar asked himself initially, before he concluded that they must have doubled back around. 

“Caesar, hey!” Suzie called suddenly, which caused Caesar’s eyes to widen immediately. He had been caught. He watched as she tried her hardest to wave him over. Joseph was busy focusing on something in one of the windows of the stores they were standing ahead of. “Come on over here for a bit!”

“Sorry, I can’t,” Caesar cried, although at that point he wasn’t too sure why they were even attempting to be secretive anymore; it was much too obvious that he had drawn Joseph’s name. He was also sure that even Suzie was in on it by now, either with reasoning or because of the over-sharing tendencies of Joseph’s mouth. “I’m, uh… in the middle of searching for something. We’ll talk later!” 

It was at that moment that Joseph turned around and spotted Caesar, and Caesar spotted him, and they briefly held each other’s stare before Joseph screeched out, “Caesar! You can’t be over here, look away!” as if he could see what Joseph had with him, even though he had nothing. He was still being extra dramatic, and went as far as to shove his hands behind his back as if he was keeping something from him. Caesar saw right through his plan.

“No, you look away!” Caesar ordered, surprised that they were managing to communicate with each other even though they were on two different sides of the street. They could do this, but mouthing words when they were directly in front of one another was a no-go?

The shoppers that were trying to maneuver their ways around them both, however, were probably annoyed beyond belief; Caesar figured that this was how Joseph felt whenever he let one of his ridiculous remarks slip.

They stood there a bit longer before they quickly ducked away into different directions. 

Caesar happened to find a silly smile on his face as he walked in the opposite direction of Joseph and Suzie, and it’s then that he decided that he would go with his intuition and tell Joseph what he wanted to let him know. 

Briefly, he considered going and buying one of those small and “useless” gifts to give just in case his first plan fell through, or if he suddenly got cold feet and realized that he didn’t want to.

Ultimately, Caesar decided against it. 

Evening had fallen upon Air Supplena, and all six of its inhabitants had returned from their interesting trip to the stores earlier. 

On the boat ride home, Joseph couldn’t seem to gauge whether Lisa Lisa, Caesar, Messina, or Loggins had actually purchased anything or not, as they either had a backpack with them or their hands hidden in their pockets. 

So for the sake of not appearing to be the odd one out, Joseph had decided to keep his own hands in his pockets to give the illusion that he had gotten something too. As far as he was concerned, his faking was realistic enough that it alone couldn’t lead them to figuring out that he had walked around doing everything but purchasing Caesar a gift for an hour or two. 

Joseph was just leaving one of the other buildings on the island when he came across Caesar heading in the direction towards their rooms. It was then that he figured it was in his best interest to fill him in on the whole gift situation thing. He thought it’d be better to let him know before the actual gift exchange, so that he would be slightly less lost upon realizing that Joseph hadn’t actually gotten a technical gift for him. Joseph called out for the blonde to wait up for him and, after picking up his pace a bit, he ended up beside him.

“So, what did you get me today, Caesar?” He asked as a way of beginning the conversation. “It’s something awesome, I bet.” 

Caesar figured there was no point in trying to beat around the bush. “Well, JoJo, it’s funny that you decided to ask that,” the blonde said after a few seconds, focusing on the darkened sky ahead of them as they walked. “There’s something I wanted to talk about, relating to that.” 

“That’s funny,” Joseph laughed awkwardly, bringing his fingers towards the back of his head to scratch it. “I have something I want to talk about, too.” 

Caesar found this interesting, but he continued on nevertheless. “Well, maybe you should go first-” 

He began to say this at the same time Joseph began to say, “But you should definitely say what you wanted to say first - ” 

They looked at each other in amusement then, and this caused Caesar to realize that confessing to him probably wouldn’t work out too well. The blonde was about to curse himself for not grabbing that small gift earlier, but his reprimanding thoughts were suddenly interrupted. 

“Oh what the hell, I’ll go ahead and say it since you probably won’t. Caesar… I kinda like you or something,” Joseph admitted. He mumbled over his words as he said this, but he knew that Caesar heard him anyway because of the way that he responded to him.  

“‘Or something,’” Caesar repeated, finding it humorous. “That’s what I was going to tell you too, JoJo. Probably in a more formal way, though.” 

“Cool,” Joseph muttered, even though internally he was rolling his eyes. Only Caesar Zeppeli would find a way to sneak in a slight jab at him after he’s told him something so serious. 

After hearing the single word slip from the brunette’s lips, Caesar’s thoughts couldn’t help but mimic Joseph’s. Only Joseph Joestar would respond with something as simple as that at a time like this. 

“Do you think that anyone else knows? You know, that we feel ‘or something’ towards each other?” Joseph questioned suddenly, which prompted a snort to come from the blonde beside him. How could he be that oblivious? 

“Oh please, like Suzie Q wasn’t deliberately trying to get us to pick each other for Secret Santa,” Caesar muttered sarcastically, and Joseph, though he wouldn’t admit, was actually surprised by this because he hadn’t picked up on it somehow. 

“Well, who knows what would’ve happened without her help? We wouldn’t have been able to get so many awesome gifts for each other without her,” Joseph commented, his remark matching Caesar’s mocking tone. It made Caesar smirk.  

He didn’t speak for a few seconds, but the blonde eventually decided that he would give the conversation one last remark before it closed. “Well, we don’t have to make anything official now, JoJo. We’ll just see where this goes,” Caesar suggested, and Joseph decided that he liked that idea.

“Oh, of course. We all know you’d have trouble committing anyway, Casanova,” he said jokingly, but the slight smile was still on Caesar’s lips. “But yeah. Let’s do that.” 

Silence once again fell upon them, though it didn’t exactly feel uncomfortable. It carried more of a happy and tranquil feel. Either way, however, Joseph didn’t want to stop talking, so he decided to return to their past conversation.

“Seriously, though… other than helping us out here, I think we can agree that Secret Santa turned out to be more than a hot mess,” Joseph announced, and Caesar was quick to agree with him. 

Soon the two shared their highlights of their day with one another; Joseph told him about how Suzie exposed who she was the Secret Santa of even though she wasn’t supposed to, and Caesar reluctantly told Joseph how he nearly walked into the wall when leaving one of the stores he was in. 

Before Joseph’s realized it, he’s told Caesar about ‘grassy’, and the Zeppeli actually laughed genuinely, and his chuckling echoed into the night air, dispersing into the world around them. 

And soon Joseph laughed along with him, and they realized they were both going to be screwed the next day, when they were supposed to be seriously training but would likely only be able to think about ‘grassy’.

“Wait!” Caesar cried suddenly, looking up to stare Joseph in the eyes. “What do we do when we end up exchanging gifts? We’ll be found out for sure.” 

“If I can’t convince Coach Lisa Lisa to let us leave the island again, we’ll just have to make do with what we have on the island,” Joseph responded, somehow actually putting thought into the plan. “Do you think she actually pays attention to every little decoration on her shelves? I bet they’d make great items to re-gift.”  

The two were betting on this plan, even coming up with other ways they’d avoid Lisa Lisa and keep their whole “not getting a gift” thing a secret. Of course, they didn’t realize that Suzie Q was nearby, listening and smirking. 

Clearly, the two can’t keep secrets well.