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Everyone in the village seems to be buzzing with excitement for Christmas. Decorations line the street and cover houses inside and out, everyone seems happier, but not Aaron. He’s been dreading this day, not even wanting to this about spending it without Robert- his first Christmas without him.
Aaron keeps thinking back to the previous year, thinking how happy they were and all the plans they had- not just for Christmas but for the future- they were about to start a family together. Yet this year they are both so alone, miserable without each other. They wish and long to be together, but they can’t.
Aaron distances himself from everyone, from the celebrations. How can he feel like celebrating when the person he loves more than anyone is locked up? When he can't even see him because he cut him off? He sometimes felt selfish and ungrateful. He had his family around him, yet he’d bever felt more alone. His mum and Liv tell him that everything’s going to be okay and to try to be happy, he just can’t.
Aaron had avoided every talk of Christmas and anything to do with it, not being able to imagine a Christmas all alone. Every time his mind wonders he thinks about what could have been and past Christmases they’d spent together. His mind would sometimes drift to the day Robert went away and he’d break down, seeing the emptiness and loneliness that has encompassed his life since Rob left him.
Aaron thinks back to what Robert said after their second wedding- “nothing is going to break us up”. God he wished that had been true. He really thought it would be, they both did and look where they are now, seperated and alone. They weren’t as unbreakable as they thought. He said he didn’t want easy he wanted messed up forever; that must have been a lie since Robert threw their relationship away.
Chirstmas is supposed to be a time of togetherness and love- for Aaron it’s the opposite. He’s lost the man he loves. Aaron looks around at all the people laughing, celebrating and having fun and all he feels is an emptiness. A hollow feeling inside him because Rob isn’t there with him.
For Robert Christmas is just as bad if not worse, at least Aaron has his family- Robert has no-one, not any more. He spends Christmas cold and alone in prison thinking about how different things could have been, how he wished things were.
Robert longed to be with Aaron. Longed to be with him, to hold him, to love him and be happy again. But he knows he’s lost Aaron- Robert thinks he’s done it for the right reasons, so Aaron doesn’t put his life on hold for years waiting for him. Rob hopes Aaron will move on and be happy- he knows he never will be again. He has no clue that letting go of Aaron was the worst thing he could have done- despite thinking that would be best for Aaron.
They both spend the day feeling lonely and wishing, longing to be with the other. Aaron doesn’t even try to celebrate or be happy because he know he can’t be. Robert tries to ignore what day it is, tries not to think about the year before and what could have been this year and the ones after then but he fails and lets the memories and what ifs wash over him as he breaks down, lonely in his cell.