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He can do it. Dean Winchester can call his best friend and invite him to come over the bunker to spend Christmas with him, Sam and Charlie. It is just a simple call, but then, why does he feel so nervous? His stomach feels like if Dean was on a spinning roller coaster. He is just calling Cas to spend Christmas, there’s nothing weird about it. But what if he doesn’t want to come? What if he has better plans? Dean wants to spend Christmas with Cas. It is the first time in so many years that Dean is going to celebrate Christmas with his family, and Castiel is family, so he should be here.
After staring at Castiel’s phone number for what it feels like hours, Dean takes a deep breath and calls him. As the beeps sound, Dean walks through his bedroom, being restless and feeling nervous, with his heart doing those stupid wild things that it usually does when Castiel is close to him or like in this case, when he is about to talk to him on the phone.
In the middle of the fourth ring Castiel answers with a rough voice. “Hello Dean.”
Hearing Cas’ voice always sends Dean a relief and a heartwarming sensation. “Hey Cas.” Dean smiles; another thing that always happens when he hears the angel’s voice. “Were you sleeping?” He asks a bit shyly. He has heard a couple of times that rough voice Cas answered with, so he knows for sure that he was sleeping.
“Yes I was.” He makes a tiny yawn.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“Are you sleeping again?” Cas still has that stolen grace and Dean knows that it won’t take too long to start causing him trouble, killing him slowly and becoming him into a human. When he thinks about it, his stomach does a painful flip.
“Sometimes. Not every night. Not every week. But once in a while, I have to sleep.” As he talks he sounds more awake. “Why are you calling? Is everything all right?” Worry gets into Cas’ voice and Dean can’t help a warm feeling knowing that the angel keeps worrying about him.
“Yeah, yeah, everything’s all right.” He says cordially. He takes a deep breath; nervous are starting to get over him again. It is just an invitation to come over the bunker, it shouldn’t make him feel this nervous, after all, this is Cas’ home too. “Listen Cas, I—” Dean sits down on the bed and bites his lower lip in a nervous way. He can do it. Of course that he can do it. “Me, Sam and Charlie are gonna celebrate Christmas, and it would be awesome if you came here.”
“Do you want me to spend Christmas with you?” He asks confused and even shocked.
“Of course.” Why Cas asks that? He is part of the family, how could he doubt that Dean wouldn’t want him in Christmas? “Don’t you wanna come?” He wants Cas with him in Christmas. Honestly, Dean wants Cas with him all the time. He wants Cas living in the bunker. Dean wants to wake up and find Cas every day next to him, in the same bed, but that’s something the hunter knows it won’t happen. It is never the right time for them and Dean isn’t sure that Cas wants that, after all, Cas is always leaving.
“I really want to go.” Castiel says interrupting Dean’s thoughts. At those words, Dean makes a hopeful smile. “I wasn’t expecting you to celebrate Christmas and invite me.” He sounds so shy but cute and Dean would give anything to see how Cas looks right now.
“So, you are coming over?” Dean asks bright and hopeful.
“Yes Dean, I am.” He says and Dean can almost hear Castiel’s smile. Dean’s grin gets wider. Cas is definitely coming for Christmas. “I’m in Pontiac, Illinois, once I wake up, I’ll drive to the bunker.”
“Awesome.” He can’t hide his happiness and excitement. This is his first Christmas with Cas and Dean hopes it won’t be the last. “Take your time, it won’t be Christmas eve until two days. I don’t want you to get really exhausted by driving too much.”
“Don’t worry Dean.” Cas’ voice is so sweet and warm and Dean loves it. “I will see you tomorrow.”
“Okay.” He smiles again. “Goodnight Cas.”
Again, Dean can hear Castiel’s smile. “Goodnight Dean.”
Dean hangs up and he looks at his phone, without fading away his grin. Cas is going to spend Christmas. It sounds awesome and Dean is so happy and excited by it.
The moment Dean hears someone knocking on the bunker’s door, he jumps from the couch where he, Sam and Charlie were watching Doctor Who and he runs towards the door as fast as he can. He might be way too excited, he knows it, but he doesn’t care. He just runs upstairs and he opens the door, revealing Cas. And Dean grins wider than in his whole life, and Castiel blushes a bit, in that adorable way of his as a pretty smile shows up on his lips.
“Hello Dean.” Castiel says.
“Cas.” Dean says. Without thinking it twice, he grabs Castiel and pulls him into a hug. He needs to know that Cas is really there. The hug catches Castiel by surprise at first, but then, he hugs Dean back and it feels better than ever. “It’s great to see you.” Dean says in a quietly voice.
Dean feels how Castiel fists the back of his shirt, tightening Dean in his arms a bit more. “It’s great to see you too.” He sounds moved.
The hug lasts more than the few hugs they have shared together, but no one of them minds it at all. When they pull away, Dean is all smiles and Castiel is it too. Dean thinks that Castiel should smile more often; he looks beautiful. “Come in.” He says chuckling and moving out from the door, making space for Castiel to come in, which is what Castiel does. Dean closes the door and he starts to go downstairs, followed by Cas. “How was the journey?”
“Long.” He simply answers. Dean sometimes forgets how literal Cas can be. Cas has changed so much from the first day they met, but he is still Cas. He will always be Cas. “Did you cut down a fir?” Castiel asks when they step in the library room. There’s a fir in front of the telescope, hiding it.
“Oh no, we bought it in an ecologist market Charlie knew.” He explains. “For every fir bought they plant four more.” He tries to imitate Charlie’s voice, the once she used this morning when she suggested to buy a fir on that place. Dean was expecting it was going to be a mediocre tree, but it turned out to be a nice and not too expensive one, so he is happy with it. “We will decorate it later.” He turns his face to dedicate a big grin to Cas.
“Cas!” Sam exclaims happily jumping off the couch and walking towards Castiel to pull him into a hug. Castiel laughs and hugs Sam back. Dean loves seeing Cas this affective, this human, he is still an angel, but the more time he spends here on earth, the more human he becomes, regardless of the effects of the fading grace. “It’s nice to have you here!” Sam exclaims amused when he pulls away.
“I’m happy of being here and being invited.” Castiel speaks. With the last word, his eyes drop for a moment on Dean, until they go back to Sam.
“Finally I meet you.” Charlie says walking towards Cas and giving him a hug. Neither Charlie nor Castiel have seen each other before, but they have heard about each other quite much. Castiel hugs her back, smiling widely and Dean’s heart melts at that picture. “You are as dreamy as Dean pictured you.”
Dean blushes at that. Damn Charlie, why did she have to say that? Castiel is blushing too and his eyes are wide opened. He looks at Dean again, but Dean just makes a nervous grimace and shrugs, unable to do or say anything, hoping that he looks casual. “It’s nice to meet you too Charlie.” He says as sweet and nice as possible, which makes Charlie to dedicate him a warm smile.
They decide to keep watching the Doctor Who Christmas Special they were watching. Charlie and Castiel sit in the middle of the couch, being Sam and Dean on each end, Dean being the one sitting next to Castiel. Dean won’t say it out loud, but just sitting on the couch, watching one of his favorite TV shows, with Cas next to him, makes him really happy.
They should do this more often. It feels so natural and good.
Dinner is served, some of Dean’s delicious homemade burgers. No one leaves any trace of food on their plates. And Castiel made one of the biggest and most satisfied smiles Dean has ever seen him. Since Castiel arrived to the bunker, Dean has only eyes for him. Having the angel sitting and eating in the same table, talking with everyone, being part of the family makes Dean feel things that he can’t put into words.
“Shall we decorate the tree now?” Charlie asks, sounding like a little kid willing to decorate the Christmas tree.
“We just finished Charlie.” Dean chuckles. It hasn’t passed more than one minute since he ate the last remaining piece of the pecan pie he made.
“Don’t be such a grandpa.” She stands from the chair and Sam and Castiel laugh at that. Dean, however rolls his eyes. Charlie picks up her empty plate. “The sooner we bring this to the kitchen, the sooner we will start decorating.”
Dean looks at Sam, who makes a happy pout. “You know how convincing she is.” Sam states standing up as well; Cas does it too.
Dean grunts and he ends up standing up as well. “Fine. You guys don’t let a guy take his rest after eating.”
The four of them walk towards the kitchen, with their own plates. As they walk, Castiel asks to Sam. “What’s so exciting about decorating a tree?”
Sam chuckles. “I don’t know, it’s just exciting, I guess. We haven’t done it for years but it always feels exciting.”
“It means that it is definitely Christmas.” Dean adds. “You’ll see.” He makes a warm smile.
Castiel nods and he makes that curious face he usually does when he doesn’t fully understand something. It must look odd for an angel to know that humans get all excited by putting some stuff on a tree, but Dean can’t tell why exactly it is so appealing and exciting. As Sam said, they haven’t decorated a tree for years, but when they had a chance, it always felt heartwarming.
Once everything is cleaned and back in its place, Charlie grabs Castiel’s wrist. “Come on Cas!” She exclaims and she starts to run, pulling Castiel with her. Castiel gives Dean a confused stare and Dean starts to chuckle seeing how Charlie and Cas run away from the kitchen.
“Did you ever imagine this?” Sam asks chuckling. He and Dean start to walk towards the library, where the tree is, hearing how Charlie laughs in the distance and the sounds she and Cas make as they run through the bunker.
“Celebrating Christmas in a home and with two friends?” Dean asks with a smirk, the younger Winchester nods. “No, not really.” This isn’t something Dean ever thought he was going to live. Being with Sam, Cas and Charlie spending Christmas together and about to decorate a tree seemed something impossible. In Dean’s life, things like this never happened, his life is a constant never the right time and never the right place. Dean Winchester doesn’t have the luxury to celebrate Christmas, to sit down on the couch and watch a movie or any of his favorite TV shows or to bake a pie. But now he does, and he has a home and he has a great family and it seems unreal. He is scared of waking up and finding that everything is part of a dream.
But it isn’t. He knows it. For the first time, something happy and good is happening. It is unbelievable, but it is happening.
When they arrive to the library, Charlie and Cas are kneeling and looking into the box Charlie brought with a lot of Christmas trimmings. Castiel looks fascinated at the ones he has in his hands. They aren’t too Christmas-ish, there are Daleks, Darth Vader, Spock, dragons, Nyan Cat, Batman, Legolas and all kinds of characters and things from TV shows, books, movies and video games. But a couple of those trimmings have a Santa Claus cap, so it kind of counts as Christmas-ish; although Dean doesn’t care, because he likes all of them and he wants to put them on the tree.
And that’s what they do. Everyone picks a couple of trimmings and hang them on the tree. They don’t stop talking and laughing at all the trimmings Charlie brought. Also, Sam found a small box somewhere lost in the bunker that had typical Christmas trimmings and they are hanging them on too.
Dean looks at Castiel, who is sitting on the end of the table, trying to unravel the Christmas lights that they will put around the tree. He has a tremendous concentration face that Dean finds cute and funny at the same time. He strings up the figurine of Harry Potter on his broom and he walks towards Cas.
“Need some help?” Dean asks with a smirk.
Castiel sighs. “Yes, I think so.”
Dean grabs the other end and starts unraveling the mess of cables. “A powerful angel of the lord is defeated by some Christmas lights.” He mocks without fading away his smirk.
The glare Cas dedicates him is deadly. “Shut up.” He looks back at the lights, working on unraveling them. “I don’t understand why this wasn’t rolled in a more properly and efficient way. It would have been easier to unravel then.”
“Christmas tradition.” He breathes out. Dean doesn’t understand how some Christmas lights can end up making sailor knots. “It isn’t a real Christmas if Christmas lights aren’t like this.”
“It is a strange tradition.”
Dean looks at Castiel, who is smiling and Dean chuckles. “Yeah. It is a pain in the ass tradition.” Both of them chuckle, then there’s a small silence that disappears when Dean clears his throat and looks at Cas. “Hey Cas.”
“Yes?” He lifts his head up to look at Dean with those intense baby blue eyes. Dean has always found Castiel’s eyes extremely beautiful, but when they show happiness, they are even more beautiful.
“I’m glad you are here.” He confesses, feeling how his cheeks warm up a little, knowing that he is blushing slightly.
And Castiel blushes too, making a tiny shy smile, that smile that he only does for Dean. “Me too.”
It takes them a few more minutes to unravel the lights and then, they put them around the tree. All the trimmings are already hanging on it and once the lights are on, the tree looks awesome.
“We still have to put the star or the angel.” Sam says.
“An angel?” Castiel asks confused, tilting his head to one side.
“Yes, it is a tradition, to put on the top of the tree an angel or a star.” Charlie explains.
“We could put you on the top of the tree Cas.” Dean jokes with a wide sassy smirk. It earns him a warning glare with a frown from Cas. Sam rolls his eyes and Charlie makes a grimace. “What do you say? It would be awesome.”
Castiel’s glare disappears to make space to a cocky smile that intrigues Dean. “Charlie, do you have any angel in that box?” He asks looking at Charlie.
“Yes, or what it seems to be one.” She answers. She shows up a figure of an angel with long blonde hair, white wings and wearing a long white dress.
“Can you please give it to me?” Castiel asks. Charlie hands him the angel. Castiel gives Dean a teasing cocky smile and he hides the angel in his hands. Dean, Sam and Charlie look puzzled and intrigued at Castiel’s hands. A small white blue light leaks through the spaces left in between Castiel’s hands. It only last for a couple of seconds. When it disappears, Castiel reveals the figure, but now, it has short dark hair, black wings and he is wearing a trench coat, a shirt and black pants.
“You son of a bitch.” Dean says laughing and grabbing the figure, observing it. Castiel made a figure of himself from the angel Charlie gave him. He definitely wasn’t expecting that.
“You can do that?” Sam asks surprised and amazed. He and Charlie come next to Dean to look at the figure and touch it.
“Yes I can.” Castiel says proudly. “Now you can put me on the top of the tree.” He sasses.
Dean chuckles. “You are awesome Cas.” Dean grins and without wasting more time, he places Castiel’s figure on the top of the tree.
It looks awesome.
They watch Home Alone after the tree has been decorated. Cas never saw it and Charlie says it was one of the films she enjoyed as a kid, so they decided to watch it with a big bowl of popcorn that only lasts until fifteen minutes of the movie have passed.
When the movie finishes, everybody goes to their respective bedrooms. Dean walks Castiel to the bedroom next to his.
“Well, I don’t know if you are gonna sleep or what, but here’s your bedroom.” Dean speaks as he switches on the lights and Castiel steps into the bedroom.
“Thank you Dean.” Castiel says looking around the room with his curious blue eyes.
Dean shrugs one of his shoulders casually. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” It feels good knowing that Dean is going to wake up and find Cas there in the bunker. Going to bed knowing that Cas is staying and he will be there, it warms Dean’s heart.
Dean turns to walk away from the bedroom, but Castiel speaks. “Dean.”
He turns around to look at the angel. “Yeah?”
“Thanks for inviting me. I’m happy to be here with you.”
He wasn’t expecting that, which makes Dean to fluster and to blush as if he was a girl in front of her crush. Cas isn’t a crush, Dean knows it, he thought a long time ago that Cas could be some kind of crush, but the things that you feel for a crush only last a couple of months, and Dean has been feeling things for Cas for a lot of years. He has tried to ignore them, but the more time that passes, the stronger his feelings get.
“Yeah— it’s—” Dean hates when he starts to talk like that, unable to make proper sentences. And Cas isn’t making it easier with that beautiful face of his, intense baby blue eyes and a tiny soft smile with a slight pink flush on his cheeks. “It’s good to have you here, man.” He finally says and he starts to step outside the bedroom, placing his hand on the door’s handle in order to close the door when he leaves.
“Goodnight Dean.” The words are whispered softly and sweetly, and it feels as if they could embrace Dean warmly.
Dean just smiles. “Goodnight Cas.” And he closes the door.
Part of Dean wishes Cas could spend the night in Dean’s bed, holding each other, spooning, legs tangled and bodies pressed together, feeling each other’s scent and warmth. But that’s never going to happen. Dean isn’t good enough for Cas. Dean is poison and Cas would be insane if he ever wanted to have Dean the way Dean wants to have Cas.
At least Cas is under the same roof as him for the first time in a long time. It is something.
Morning arrives, and after lingering in bed for some long time, Dean wakes up. He likes lingering in bed, it is a luxury he never had when he had to sleep in motels or in his Impala. When there isn’t any hurry for a hunt, he likes to linger on bed as much as he can.
Dean puts on his robe and he goes directly to the kitchen. As he approaches it, the smell of coffee gets more intense. He frowns confused at it. When he arrives to the kitchen, he finds Cas, without his trench coat and doing something on the counter. Dean doesn’t move or say anything, he stays on the doorstep, looking at Cas being so human. He always wore that trench coat wherever he was, not caring if he was inside or if the temperature was extremely high. And now he is without it, preparing coffee or that’s what Dean thinks it is, and Dean wouldn’t mind waking up every day and finding Cas in the kitchen like that.
“You know I know you are there, right?” Castiel asks suddenly without moving his face away from the counter.
Dean was kind of suspecting that Cas noticed his presence, but he was hoping that he didn’t. “Yeah.” Dean simply says as he starts to walk towards the angel. His guesses are confirmed when he sees that what Cas was preparing was coffee. He has two mugs and one of them has some whipped cream on it. “You woke up early.” He murmurs as he rests the small of his back against the counter, standing next to Castiel.
“I didn’t sleep.” Castiel says. He puts some chocolate chips on the coffee with whipped cream, which intrigues Dean. Cas doesn’t have his coffee that sweet. “Here.” He says handing Dean the coffee with whipped cream. Dean looks at the mug and then at Cas, who makes a shy smile and those pretty cheeks of his flush slightly. “You said you liked coffee quite sweet on winter days.”
It is true. Dean once mentioned Cas that. He doesn’t remember when exactly, but he did and Cas remembered. Dean makes one of those smiles he only does for Cas and he grabs the mug, the overwhelming smell soon reaches his nose and it smells wonderfully great. “Thanks Cas.”
Castiel nods and he grabs the other mug, with just coffee. “You are welcome.”
Dean takes a sip and it takes delicious. Cas managed to sweeten the coffee the way Dean likes it; not too sweet but with a noticeable sweetness. Dean closes his eyes as the warm and sweet beverage goes down his throat. When he opens his eyes, he notices Castiel’s expectant eyes. “It tastes awesome Cas.”
Again, the angel blushes. “Thank you Dean.”
Maybe they are standing closer than usually and Dean might feel a bit awkward because he is only wearing his robe, his t-shirt and his boxers, but still, it feels great to be like this with Cas, looking at each other in that intense way of theirs. It would be so easy for Dean to step a little bit closer and lean into those pink and tender lips of Cas and kiss him. Dean wouldn’t mind doing that.
Somebody clears his throat and Dean and Castiel look at the doorstep where Sam is standing, and behind him there’s Charlie. “Are we interrupting something?” Sam asks.
“No, no. No.” Dean starts to say moving away from Cas. He and Cas weren’t doing anything that they don’t do normally. Dean clears his throat, feeling how his cheeks are getting hotter. Great, he is blushing. He knows that Sam knows, of course that he knows, Dean is too fucking obvious. And Charlie must know as well, but Cas doesn’t, and it should stay like that. “I was gonna make some pancakes and bacon.”
“Great!” Charlie says as she steps into the kitchen and looks for a bowl for her cereals. Sam steps inside too, but he goes directly to where the mugs are.
“Do you—” Dean starts to say. He clears his throat. “Do you want pancakes and bacon, Cas?”
“Yes, please.” Castiel says. He is blushed too, but not as much as Dean. He walks towards the kitchen table and he sits on one of the chairs as Dean starts to grab everything he needs to make the pancakes.
As Dean grabs all the ingredients needed, he looks from the corner of his eyes at Cas, who is still blushed. Cas never blushed, but he has been blushing more often and easier in the last couple of months. Dean wonders why. It must be something related with his fading grace.
The kitchen is filled with the sounds of the four of them talking and the sounds Dean makes with the cooking utensils. Sam and Charlie whisper something that Dean and Castiel doesn’t hear, but Charlie laughs and Sam has that not up to good smile. Castiel and Dean interchange confused sights, but no one of them says anything because Charlie brings back the topic they were talking about before.
It feels good to have the kitchen this filled and as happy as this morning.
Everybody helps in the elaboration of the dinner, although Dean is the one in charge and who supervises everything, but Cas, Sam and Charlie help Dean a lot and the time in the kitchen is spent with talking and laughter and Dean would give everything to have more days like this, with people he loves and he cares about having fun, being happy and being there.
The dinner turns out to be really good and delicious, and they are so full by the end of it that it takes them several minutes to move from the chair and clean everything up. Sam and Charlie leave the kitchen before everything is cleaned up and they say they are going to get ready the movie they are going to watch, It’s a wonderful life, a Christmas classic that Dean hates, but everyone except him wants to watch it. Anyway, Cas and Dean are left in the kitchen alone.
“Did you enjoy it?” Dean asks as he dries the forks.
“Yes Dean, I really enjoyed the day.” Castiel answers with one of the most precious smiles Dean has ever seen. He can see the angel is being honest and knowing that Cas has really enjoyed the day makes Dean even happier.
“You are staying here tonight too, right?” He knows that Cas is going to watch the movie, but Dean doesn’t want to wake up tomorrow and find out that Cas left. Cas will leave soon, but Dean wants to delay his leaving as much as possible.
“I am. I don’t like driving during night. I guess I will leave tomorrow morning.”
Those words shouldn’t hurt Dean as much as they do. He really knew that Cas was going to leave as soon as possible, but Dean still doesn’t like it. “You could stay here for longer, Cas.” He suggests in a whisper, afraid of hearing Cas saying that he doesn’t want to stay.
Castiel looks at him a bit perplexed. “I thought you wanted me to stay only for Christmas.”
Dean wants Cas to stay for the rest of his life. He is tired of seeing Cas leaving, without knowing when they are going to see each other, or if they are ever going to see each other. But instead of letting any of those thoughts out, Dean just shrugs. “You can stay if you want to.” Cas isn’t going to stay, he never does. Nothing is keeping him here, he hasn’t got any reason to stay. He doesn’t need Dean the way Dean needs Cas.
Castiel opens his mouth to say something, but Sam is yelling from the living room. “Come on guys!” Sam yells. “We are waiting for you!”
Dean just puffs and places the last knife in the drawer where all the cutlery is. “Let’s go.”
They go towards the living room, where Sam and Charlie are already waiting for them. They walk side by side and when they are on the doorstep, Charlie jumps from the couch and yells: “Stop!”
Dean and Castiel stop, confused about why the ginger girl has told them to stop. Charlie is smiling widely and Sam, who has stood up from the couch to stand next to Charlie, is smirking. He knows his brother and Charlie are up to something. “Oh crap, what are you two up to?” Dean asks. Charlie and Sam don’t answer him; they just keep grinning and then, their eyes move up. Dean frowns confused.
“I think they must be referring to this.” Castiel says pointing up.
When Dean looks up, his stomach twists. Of course that Charlie and Sam had to hang a fucking mistletoe. He is not going to kiss Cas. Not fucking way. Dean looks at Charlie and Sam and he dedicates them his deadliest glare as his face turns in a red shade of rage. “I’m gonna fucking kill you.” Dean mutters.
“C’mon Dean!” Sam says. “It is a Christmas tradition.”
“I’m not gonna kiss Cas!” He doesn’t want to be his first kiss with Cas under a mistletoe. It is a forced kiss and Dean doesn’t want that. He wants his first kiss with Cas to be because they want to, not because of a stupid tradition. And he doesn’t want to kiss Cas in front of Sam and Charlie right now and pretend that he hasn’t wanted to kiss Cas for years.
“Why not?” Sam and Charlie ask at the same time.
“Because it would be weird.” Because it would be awesome and he would want to kiss Cas over and over again and he knows he won’t be able to do it and it would kill him to know how kissing Cas feels like and not being able to do it again.
“It would be just a kiss.” Charlie says.
It won’t and Dean knows it. “I’m not gonna kiss Cas.” He sounds more disgusted than he should, but he needs to avoid this.
“Just forget it.” Castiel says as he walks towards the couch. He sounds hurt and Dean doesn’t understand why. And he doesn’t only sounds hurt, he acts like he is it, but not only hurt, also upset and sad. Castiel sits down on the couch and turns his face to Sam and Charlie. “I thought you were waiting for us to watch the movie.”
Sam and Charlie look at Dean, who is waiting for Cas to look at him, but he doesn’t. Did Cas really want to kiss him under the mistletoe? He wouldn’t be this upset and hurt if it wasn’t that. But Dean fails to understand why someone like Cas would want to kiss someone like Dean.
Dean stands on the doorstep as Sam and Charlie go towards the couch and they sit down. Does really Cas like him? Does Cas want Dean? That’s why he is so hurt and upset? Because Dean rejected kissing him and he truly wants him? He wants to ask, he wants to know, but he can’t make his mouth work.
“Dean, what are you waiting for?” Sam asks.
“Eh?” Dean asks confused. Charlie and Sam are looking at him, but Cas’ eyes are on the TV. “Yeah, yeah.” He says walking towards the couch, sitting on the free spot, next to Cas.
The movie starts and no one of them says anything. Dean doesn’t even pay attention to it, not because he doesn’t like the movie, but also because his mind is starting to think about Cas and to analyze everything, trying to find the answers to his questions. Castiel doesn’t dare to look at him at once during the whole movie, and Dean can feel he is tense. That’s not a good sign.
Dean doesn’t realize when the movie ends until Sam, Charlie and Cas are standing up, saying that they are going to bed. Castiel still can’t look at Dean or he doesn’t want to. He is still upset and hurt and Dean can see it. Castiel tries to go back to his bedroom as fast as he can, but Dean stands up from the couch, running towards Cas and he grabs his wrist before Castiel leaves the living room.
Castiel looks at Dean’s hand and then his eyes finally decide to meet Dean’s; they are filled with sadness and pain and Dean hates it. “Can we talk?” Dean asks without missing the surprised looks Sam and Charlie give him. And Castiel gives him a shocked look of course. “Alone?”
“We will leave you.” Charlie says as she pushes Sam out of the living room.
“What?” Castiel whispers. His voice sounds really heartbreaking and Dean hates it. And he hates it even more because he knows that he is the reason of why Cas feels so hurt.
Dean pulls away his grip on Cas; he knows that Cas won’t leave. “You are upset with me.” Dean says.
“I’m not.” He denies moving his eyes away from Dean’s.
He can’t help chuckling. “You still can’t lie to me and look at my eyes.” And he knows Cas won’t be able to do such thing ever. Castiel pouts in an angry way and Dean takes a step forward, getting into Castiel’s personal space, but Cas doesn’t seem to mind. “I hurt you with saying that I didn’t want to kiss you under the mistletoe, didn’t I?” But Castiel doesn’t meet his eyes. “Cas, look at me, please.”
Castiel meets Dean’s eyes, trying to hide the hurt, but those eyes are too expressive. They are even glassy, which makes them look even bluer. Castiel doesn’t answer the question, but he doesn’t have to; Dean knows the answer. All that time looking at each other and Dean was never able to read those eyes properly until tonight.
“You wanted to kiss me, right?” Dean asks. Again, Castiel doesn’t answer, but his face changes his expression and so do his eyes. Cas definitely wanted to kiss him. “Do you wanna know why I didn’t want to kiss you?” Dean asks taking another step forward. They are closer than ever. If both of them breathe at the same time, their chest will touch.
“Why?” Castiel’s question comes breathy, almost as if he was scared of knowing the answer because it would hurt him.
Without thinking it for a second, Dean cups Castiel’s face. The touch makes Castiel’s eyes to open widely and to let out a small gasp. Clearly, he wasn’t expecting this contact. Dean makes a soothing smile. He has waited for this moment for so long that he doesn’t know how he is being able to hold Castiel’s face like this and much less how he can even speak. His heart is beating faster than ever and he doesn’t know where he has found this courage, but he is going to let Cas know.
“Because I didn’t want our first kiss to be under a fucking mistletoe.” Dean finally says. He starts to lean on Castiel, almost feeling how their lips brush together. Castiel’s eyes are as wide as possible. “Because I want you to kiss me because you want to, not because you are told to do so under a fucking mistletoe.”
“Dean—” Castiel breathes out. His hands come to rest where Dean’s shoulders meet the neck.
Their eyelashes are caressing together and they can see each other’s reflected on their eyes. “Cas—” Dean gasps. “I don’t want a meaningless kiss.”
“Me neither.”
Dean nods and he wastes no more time and kisses Castiel, pressing his body against the angel’s. Cas’ lips are soft and warm and they taste like storms and woods and fucking wonderful. They kiss softly, taking their time to taste and feel each other’s lips. It feels better than Dean has ever imagined.
They pull away just to breathe and they find themselves grinning. It doesn’t take them too long to kiss again, this time more passionate and needy. It is an open mouth kiss. They explore each other’s mouths and tongues, moaning in the kiss and moving their restless hands on their hairs, running their fingers desperately, or cupping their faces, or holding each other tightly.
It comes a time when they don’t know when a kiss finishes and another starts, and honestly, they don’t care. They keep kissing and holding each other, smiling and moaning.
“Fuck, I can’t tell you for how long I’ve wanted this.” Dean whispers into Castiel’s mouth.
“It feels like an eternity.” Castiel says smiling.
Dean presses a brief kiss on Castiel’s swollen pink lips, feeling how a smile forms on them. “Wanna sleep with me tonight?” He asks as he combs some lock of Castiel’s dark hair.
The smile Castiel makes is beautiful and honest and even a little shy. “Of course I want to.” He kisses Dean after that. It is a sweet and tender kiss that makes Dean to moan a little. “If I stay, does that mean I can sleep with you every night?”
Dean blinks perplexed. “Are you— are you gonna stay?” He asks and Castiel nods. “I thought you didn’t want to stay.”
“Dean.” He places one of his hands on Dean’s face, cupping it, fingers caressing Dean’s skin as delicately and sweetly as possible. “I have always wanted to stay.”
And Dean would be lying if he said he hasn’t waited years to hear those words. So he kisses Castiel, with all his heart, and then, he grabs his hand and they go to Dean’s bedroom. They get into the bed and they kiss and hold each other.
This is the best Christmas of Dean’s life.