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For once in her life, Regina wanted control. To be the one to make decisions regarding her own life. Be it small decisions like how to wear her hair, or big decisions that will have big consequences. All her life that control had been taken from her. Her own opinions hadn’t mattered and even the semblance of any authority in her own life was never there.
From the moment she was born, Regina was under her mother’s thumb. Now, a child being somewhat controlled by their parent is a perfectly normal thing. A parent’s job is, after all, to look after their child and to do everything in their power to help them become the best version of themselves. Obviously, young children can’t take care of themselves and need to be taught everything there is to know about life. So, some controlling behavior from a mother to her daughter is perfectly reasonable, expected and applauded even.
Cora Mills, however, was not a perfectly reasonable mother to Regina. She wasn’t a perfectly reasonable human being, period. From teaching Regina how proper ladies behaved from the moment she could comprehend sentences, to scheduling every minute of every day for Regina with all kinds of acceptable activities. From keeping her daughter under lock and key anytime she wasn’t doing any of those acceptable activities that included improving her social skills and balancing books on her head as to stop slouching but excluded any activity that involved other children Regina would enjoy to play with, to analyzing any and all food that went past her daughter’s lips because god forbid she had an ounce of fat on her bones. Even the way Regina would wear her hair or put together her outfit for a day at home was criticized and then improved, let alone the times Regina did go out. Every little thing had to be perfect.
Regina had never experienced a moment where absolutely no one knew where she was in that moment until she was 17 and sneaking out to see the stable boy and her secret boyfriend Daniel. When she was out with him and she realized that absolutely no one in the world except Daniel knew where she was and what she was doing in the moment, she felt such a thrill. It was a feeling she’d never experienced before. If someone were to come looking for her (not that they would, as she usually met Daniel after dark, when everyone was asleep,) they would have no idea where to find her. Even that relative freedom was a farce though, as Regina and Daniel never went far. Usually they would stay at the stables and sit or lay under a couple of blankets to ward off the cold of the night.
Even this control over a few hours of her night were soon taken away from Regina, however, when Princess Snow White ruined her life by telling her mother about her beloved Daniel. Soon, Daniel’s heart was in her mother’s hands and Regina had no control over her future with her love, at all. Falling to the ground and holding Daniel’s lifeless body in her arms was the last move Regina got to make on her own accord for a long time.
After Daniel was slaughtered in front of her eyes and Regina’s choice to be with him was taken away, she was placed with a man who was even more controlling than her mother, if that were possible.
The King married her because he fancied her a good stepmother for his beloved princess, and a mother to the future heirs he planned to make. Stepmothers and broodmares were not allowed any freedom, and so her time was even more controlled. She’d spend most of her days with Snow White, and most of her nights, time she usually had to herself when she was still living at home, between the King’s sweaty sheets.
The time when Regina decided that she didn’t want this life anymore and she would do anything to escape it, even if it meant death, Regina was stopped from executing her own fate, again. Though this time when the fairy caught her in mid-air when she ‘fell’ off her balcony and undermined one of her choices again, Regina could see how It may have been for the best. In the end she was grateful to be alive yet.
When Regina was finally rid of the King and was, by all means, free to do whatever she wanted, she was trapped. Trapped by her rage regarding Snow and trapped by her need for vengeance. The Evil Queen took over her body and her soul, and Regina was helpless to stop it. Not that she wanted to stop it, at that time.
The times that Regina doubted her vengeance, when she felt like she might need to stop her plans in order to be happy, Rumpelstiltskin was there to remind her that taking down Snow White was the only way to be content. Taking down Snow White was the only way forward. And so that decision was made as for her well.
Then there was the curse. The glorious dark curse that would free Regina from all her sorrows and make her the happiest woman in the realm. In the end it seemed that the only reason Regina had ever cast that curse was to aid Rumpelstiltskin in finding his son.
During the curse days would pass slowly and repetitively. The only choices to be made back then was what to wear (it always needed to be something professional, though, so there was not a lot of choice there either,) and what to have for dinner. If she didn’t eat, though, there was no harm done, as her body reset itself every day. Still, this was the most in control Regina had ever been.
When the curse broke, that control went out the window again. First she’d been without her magic and tied to home because of the threat that the villager’s posed; they all wanted to kill her so walking around Storybrooke without means to defend herself was not an option. When she regained her magic, Regina still was utterly powerless. Her son’s love meant more to her than her power, so she did what he asked of her and she suppressed the part of herself that Regina always felt had made her a little special. She suppressed her magic.
When the curse was broken and she was trying to appease Henry and become a better person, Regina still felt controlled, even though technically no one was controlling her. True, Henry couldn’t physically control her like her mother and the King had, but she loved him more than she’d ever loved anyone and would do anything not to lose him. On top of that, her mother’s words that had been burned into her brain since before she could remember, words about proper etiquette and manners, were still controlling her as well.
Up until this moment, Regina has not felt that she has ever made any decision regarding her own life, for herself. But she wanted to be happy and she wanted to control her happiness.
After seeing that lion tattoo on Robin Hood’s wrist she’d been controlled by fear. But she knew what that tattoo meant, and she knew that the man who bore it could bring her joy beyond what she’d ever experienced before. Even before she’d noticed the ink on Robin’s arm, she’d felt a connection. An inexplicable draw to him.
So, after pondering on it for days, Regina wanted to take back control. Control of her own life and her own fate. And what better time do to it than the present, she thought late that night. The few drinks she’d had while she’d been thinking about this were helping her with her courage, too.
When she arrived at his camp and saw him sitting around a campfire with some of his men, she hesitated. What had she been thinking, showing up here at this hour? She didn’t even really know the man that well.
But when they caught sight of her, all the men around the campfire disappeared like smoke in the wind. The only one who remained was Robin, and that was just perfect. Perfect because he was all she wanted. He stood up and walked to her, she met him halfway. While Regina’s heart was hammering away in her chest, and her head was racing with the question on how to proceed, she heard Robin yammering away about something. The man was talking about the loss of her heart—right, she’d almost forgotten about that—and how he was going to get it back for her, and he was just the most precious man in the world. He was apologizing to her about losing her heart to save his son, while he really shouldn’t. But he is, and all Regina can think about now is his lips on hers, so she decides to take control, and she kisses him. Grabs him by the lapels and covers his mouth with hers.
For the first few seconds it feels wonderful. His lips are soft and warm, and pressed to hers as they are, she feels like she could do this every day for the rest of her life. After those first few seconds, though, Regina realized that Robin had yet to respond to her, and she froze, then pulled back. Afraid that he’d reject her, Regina was loathe to meet his eyes. But those blue eyes were irresistible and impossible not to be drawn to. When she met his eyes, at first, she saw surprise in them. But before she really had a chance to doubt her actions, Robin pulled her back to him and kissed her, hard.
As they stand embraced and lost in each other, Regina thinks, in the back of her mind, that if this is the beginning of a life where she is in control, this was a damn good first decision.