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Qing Ge watched Duo’erla and Tang Fan, heart tangled in the pull of her father’s expectations and a longing that seemed to be growing dangerously in size. Qing Ge had seen a lot of the worst of the world since she was very young. She knew it had hardened her, thought it had made her stronger. But now she wasn’t so sure.
Watching them, she knew why Tang Fan and Duo’erla got along. They were the type of bright people that drew the world to them. The people who could crack Qing Ge, wearing down what she had always assumed were the rules, just by caring about her.
As Tang Fan left, Duo’erla caught her eye, waving and moving towards her. Qing Ge looked away. It was a warm, sunny day, so any blush she might have wouldn’t be suspicious. That’s what she reminded herself as Duo’erla caught her arm, smiling at her.
“It’s good to see you,” Duo’erla said and Qing Ge knew she meant it. “I’m going to see a friend, would you like to come along?”
Qing Ge knew she shouldn’t. There were probably better ways of using her time: gaining intelligence or moving plans forward. But what she said was, “Yes, of course.”
Duo’erla hooked their arms together and began leading the way, slipping through busy streets. “She’s not been well... Tang Fan recently helped a case she was involved in. It was a very bad business.”
Qing Ge nodded. It seemed that Tang Fan tended to get mixed up in a lot of plots and some of the people he helped ended up sticking around. This meant she could probably argue to her father that she was still doing reconnaissance by coming along, should he question her. She pushed away the fear she felt at the idea, focusing instead on the light pressure of Duo’erla at her side. That felt dangerously safe.
~*~
The friend they were meeting was named Yu Xiao Lian. Yu Xiao Lian, Qing Ge learned almost as soon as her name, had almost been put in a matchmade marriage with Sui Zhou. Qing Ge couldn't stop a laugh at the thought but hurried to explain, "It's not you, I promise. You seem lovely."
Yu Xiao Lian raised a brow and gave a small smile. While she seemed a bit frail at the moment due to her injury, Qing Ge could see a spark dancing in her eyes. "Oh? I'm not his type?"
"Not that I can tell," Qing Ge glanced at Duo'erla, who was smiling at them both. "What do you think?"
Duo'erla scrunched up her nose. "Sui Zhou has bad taste. If someone is not able to ride a horse, they should not be considered as a partner."
Yu Xiao Lian brightened. "That reminds me! Apparently, I’m well enough to go on short rides again!"
Duo'erla stood up in her excitement and walked over to settle on the side of Yu Xiao Lian's bed. "We must plan! Your horse misses you. I’ve been taking good care of him."
"Qing Ge, do you know how to ride?" Yu Xiao Lian asked.
"Yes, though probably not as well as Duo'erla," Qing Ge said, realizing she had been staring at the two. That longing was back and it ached a bit sharper now.
"No one can," Yu Xiao Lian said, looking up at Duo'erla, before gently catching some of her hair. "Oh, this braid came out, want me to redo it?"
"Mm, yes," Duo'erla said and held still.
Qing Ge needed to do something or she would continue to stare and that would surely be noticed. She looked at the tea things beside her and went about preparing a cup for each of them, before carrying them over. Duo'erla took hers with the brightest grin and Yu Xiao Lian's slight weariness faded to smile.
~*~
"Yu Xiao Lian wondered if you'd want to join us?" Duo'erla asked, peaking around the horse she had been brushing when Qing Ge had found her. "We're going for a ride this afternoon. Could you join before work?"
Qing Ge was supposed to be keeping an eye on Tang Fan right now, not feeling touched that she'd made a good impression on Yu Xiao Lian. She had known Tang Fan most likely would not be here, with Duo'erla, yet she came anyway. He was caught up in some new case, getting too close for comfort to her father. But Duo'erla's question made her so glad she had ignored all of that, pushing any guilt deep down.
"We're going to bring food." Duo'erla now fully appeared, coming over to give Qing Ge a hug for seemingly no reason other than she wanted to. She smelled like horse and sweet hay, which should be unpleasant but was becoming something Qing Ge related with comfort. “We’ll have lunch outside the city before coming back.”
She hardly finished before Qing Ge was saying, "Yes, I can come."
"Wonderful! I think Yu Xiao Lian might need support so she will ride with me, but her horse should get some exercise," Duo'erla said, wandering back to the horse, petting his nose. Qing Ge followed, holding her hand out for the horse to snift and get used to her. "He's very gentle. A fancy lady's horse."
“I’ll make sure to treat him well.” Qing Ge chuckled, wondering what Yu Xiao Lian might think of being called a fancy lady. The lady was, she had heard, a rather good swordswoman when she was well. Qing Ge liked the idea of sparing with her one day.
~*~
It wasn't until they were riding through the city that Qing Ge thought about what a strange set they might make to onlookers. Yu Xiao Lian, a lady of a good house (well... until recently), was sitting behind Duo'erla, arms around her waist. The two should have looked out of place, but Qing Ge was struck by the way they fit together. They both had a deeper sadness in their eyes at loved ones lost, but they were still here, finding ways to thrive. Another weight settled in Qing Ge's stomach as she wondered if her father was truly right in his beliefs.
She was startled as a hand touched her arm. "You okay?" Yu Xiao Lian's face was soft with concern. Duo'erla had maneuvered her horse so it walked alongside the one Qing Ge was on, instead of in front.
Qing Ge began to put on a smile and pulled up an easy assurance, but when she met Yu Xiao Lian's eyes, the words changed to the truth. "I don't know."
Yu Xiao Lian nodded at this, leaning against Duo'erla's back. "I understand that." She seemed to think for a moment. "I'm not okay, but I will be."
Qing Ge tried to recall if she ever felt that way; that she would be okay. The image that came to mind was the first time she met Duo'erla, the golden afternoon light only making her more beautiful. And then getting to know her...
Yu Xiao Lian followed Qing Ge's gaze and then gave Qing Ge a look that said she understood that as well. Qing Ge turned to focus ahead, willing down a blush. But hope now nudged her.
Maybe she’d be okay too.