Chapter Text
Kiran loved beautiful things.
Ever since she was a child, she always tried to capture what caught her fancy. Whether it was people, animals, or nature, she’d use crayons and pencils to smear her paper with shapes and colors. Those moments of artistic inspiration were laughable, but it didn’t stop her from trying to recreate what had her enraptured.
Years had gone by in a blur, and now she was a young adult in college. Even then, her interests had not changed. She was drawn to the arts, and she would go far to mimic its grandeur.
She was one of those poor, starving artists. She slaved away at a part-time job she hated so she could afford art classes that buried her in mountains of work. Her scholarship had since run out, so her exhaustion and dark circles under her eyes were a testament to her dedication. However, when her parents begged her to come home, she relented.
Only to regret it later.
Kiran knew they loved her, and wanted what was best for her and her future, but a life where she couldn’t dedicate her love for drawing the extensive range of human emotion or the wild and untamed aspects of the world... it was no life at all. Her family did everything in their power to smother that love, trying to get her into a school where she’d have a “respectable” career.
She wished her life was different, but if this was the road she needed to take to become a better artist, then she would just have to grin and bear it.
Yet wishes do come true. Though not in the way she’d expected. Now, things had drastically changed, and she always wondered: was it for the better?
She wasn’t sure yet.
Kiran wearily looked up from the book of tactics she was trying to read and saw the candle in its holder was about to snuff out. She pulled down the hood of her white and gold robe to rub at her eyes.
The castle library was quiet since the evening shifted into the darkest part of the night, and she closed her book with a soft clap. She stood from her cushioned chair with a groan and stretched, feeling her back pop in relief.
Ever since arriving in Askr, her life turned upside down. Instead of spending her time studying, or curled in front of her computer and using her tablet to draw digital entities, she was researching battle maps and devising plans to lead assaults against her enemies.
No longer was she a nobody in a sea of people; she was now the Summoner and tactician for the Order of Heroes.
And right now, she was exhausted. If she stayed up any later, she’d be burned out for the next day.
Kiran held back a yawn and started sifting through the papers where she took notes on her findings. There were a couple of stray doodles at the corners, but her notes were as crisp and clean as she could make them. Learning to use an inkwell and quill was a challenge, but it was a skill she mastered quickly.
As she picked up one of the piles of books she had taken out, ready to return them to their proper place on the shelves, she heard a gentle knocking on the other end of the rectangular table. The sound was soft enough not to startle her, but it drew her attention up to see a familiar face.
“Libra? What are you doing here?”
The weak candlelight didn’t do the calm man justice. His androgynous features confused many, even Kiran when they first met (though she would rather die than admit it). His long blond hair had two sections braided back, and his war monk clothes were as white and immaculate as always. His smile always got her, though. It was always so pleasant, making him that much more approachable.
“I was on patrol when I saw a light here. I’m surprised you’re still awake at this hour,” Libra told her.
“It’s your first time patrolling the castle, right? A lot of the other heroes already know, but I’m a night owl,” She admitted. “I think better when it’s dark out, so that’s when I do my studying.” And she could also find solace in being alone in the dark... but he didn’t need to know that.
“You’re always so hard at work. Are you getting enough rest?”
“It’s not something I’m unfamiliar with. I’ll just have to drink coffee, or strong tea, to push through. It’s what I’ve always done back home.”
Libra nodded his understanding but didn’t comment. Instead, he approached her end of the table and picked up the other stack of books. He helped her by putting the books back into their rightful slots, allowing her to head to bed sooner, but it made her wonder...
“I don’t want you to get into trouble for helping me out,” Kiran commented as she picked up the candleholder. The flame was barely clinging to life at this point.
“I’ll face the consequences as they come,” Libra replied easily. “I’d prefer you sleeping in your bed rather than staying up too late.”
"That’s a nice sentiment."
“It’s the truth,” Libra said.
They finished putting away the books and left the library, entering the torch-lit hallways. The royal blue rug and tapestries were now in shades of indigo because of the firelight distorting the shadows, and they could hear their muffled footsteps in the silence.
“Are you feeling well?” Libra suddenly asked. When she turned to him, he elaborated. “I, along with the other heroes, are concerned over your health. You don’t seem to act like yourself lately.”
“Really? But I feel fine,” Kiran lied. Libra’s expression didn’t change, but she still caught the fraction of movement that made his brows tug downward. Did he see through her words? “What makes you say I’m acting differently?”
“Well, for one, you are getting harder to find during the day. The other heroes have said you regularly patrol the halls and check in on them. As of late, you haven’t been doing that.”
Oh, they noticed? She had been avoiding them on purpose, but she hoped they wouldn’t care enough to mind. Looking at them reminded her of her responsibilities, and she would retreat alone, hoping to calm her panicked breathing and racing heart lest they see her crumble. Her anxieties swirled in her mind like encompassing whirlpools, threatening to drown her in her own inadequacies and fears.
Kiran knew she wasn’t good enough. Every day, she was on the verge of a mental breakdown, but the fights kept coming, so she had to save face and be there for the heroes. For their morale. But this last week, it had been worse. She needed to hide.
When she didn’t respond, Libra continued speaking.
“Another factor is you’re consistently having late nights. Even if you’re a night owl, it’s detrimental to your overall health to push yourself to such extremes.”
Kiran felt a twinge of annoyance, but she pushed it down and nodded. “If it’s that noticeable, I promise to make a few changes. I know I overdid it tonight.”
“Just tonight?”
“Well, I guess for the last week,” Kiran whispered.
A moment of quiet passed between them.
“Would you like to talk about what’s on your mind?” Libra asked.
Kiran thought about the offer. “I guess... I’ll mention what’s bothering me lately.”
She was reluctant to do so, but there was something special about Libra. Though she only summoned him two days prior, he felt like an old friend. He was always so patient and willing to listen. She knew he wouldn’t judge her.
“I miss my old life,” she said, startling herself with her honesty. She didn’t miss how her voice wavered, though. “It wasn’t easy, but it’s so much easier being a student compared to a tactician. Here, I have to weigh life and death decisions every day. Back home? Not so much.”
Libra said nothing, allowing her to continue speaking if she wanted to.
“It makes me wonder if I’m qualified to serve. I have zero fighting experience, and it’s a miracle I survived as long as I have. I honestly wonder if I should just go home and let Alfonse, Sharena, and Anna find someone else who knows what they’re doing. The way things are going, I’m just a burden.”
He shook his head. “You’re not a burden.” He then caught her gaze. “But if you feel that way, what’s stopping you from going home?”
It was a valid question. Why was she putting herself through hell every day?
“Because I want to make a difference,” she said, her voice cracking. “Back home I’m just a nobody, but here, I have a special power I can use for the better. I want to be worthy of that power.”
“The gift to summon Heroes from countless realms is a power like that of the gods. From what I’ve seen, you use that power to both guide and protect us. That alone proves you are worthy.”
“I’m glad you think so,” Kiran mumbled.
She looked down the hallway, seeing that they were nearing the west wing of the castle where her room was located. She tried to pick up her broken pieces by leveling her breathing and forcing back the tears that gathered at her lashes.
“Thank you for escorting me. I can handle getting there on my own now.”
Libra nodded, but she could see the concern on his face. “I’ll continue with my shift then, but if you need to talk, I’ll always make time for you.”
“I appreciate that.” Kiran tugged on her hood, effectively hiding her face. “Thanks for listening to me. I hope you have a good night, Libra.”
“You as well, Kiran.”
She felt his eyes on her as she opened the door to her room and slipped inside. When the door closed behind her and effectively cut off his gaze, the darkness of the room pressed against her and the dying candlelight in her hands.
At that moment, she started to cry.