Chapter Text
(Levi)
-8 years ago-
I sat on the grass, leaning back against a sturdy tree whilst methodically wiping down my blades, the silence of the forest tingling upon my nape. Despite the fact that titan’s blood disappeared rather quickly after a few moments, I despised the thought of them being dirty. I often found myself thanking the walls that it did evaporate easily so that I could fight the overgrown fucktoids without worrying about my immaculate uniform. Years of living below ground, surrounded by dirt and living in clothes that were almost constantly stained with blood had caused me to develop an irreversible hate for any level of cleanliness below spotless.
“Knock knock big bro!”
My steel grey eyes lifted from my already perfected blades to the small frame that somewhat blocked the warmth from the Sun that I was quite enjoying. Isabel’s beautiful green eyes shone despite facing away from the sunlight, eagerly sparkling from the brightness of the day that she had spent years being starved of. She, unlike myself, was unafraid to become messy, allowing her short, auburn hair to almost always be pulled back into two rough pigtails that hung just behind her ears, only to free her face from its tangles. Her face and clothes mimicked the state of her hair, typically being covered in smudges of dirt, much to my disgust.
“Isabel, please remove yourself from my line of sight,” I sighed, turning back to my rhythmic removing of non-existent smudges from my blades, enjoying the calming movement that worked to unknot my stomach that was twisted with an unsettling feeling. “I was rather enjoying my time in the Sun, brat.”
“Now Levi,” A deeper voice exclaimed from behind Isabel, a large imposing figure appearing over her shoulder shortly after, thrusting me further into the cooling shade. “That’s no way to treat a lady.”
My gaze connected to Furlan’s lighter grey eyes. He was much cleaner than Isabel seemed to exist as, but he was nowhere near what I expected of them. His blonde hair was more kept than Isabel’s, mostly due to its shorter length and undercut that matched my own. Furlan’s figure was by far the largest of the trio, a fact that I hated in occasions such as this.
“It’s times like this when I wish you brats hadn’t followed me into the Survey Corps,” I mumbled grumpily mainly to myself as I sheathed my clean blades, pushing myself into a standing position against the tree.
“Aw, c’mon Levi~!” Isabel sung innocently, punching my gut lightly enough to cause no real pain. “You love us! We are family and we would never leave you in the hands of the grumpy eyebrows. We come as a packaged deal! Besides, you would be super bored without us here to keep you entertained.”
“You say that like it was awful that Commander Fuckbrows offered to clean my record if I accepted his invitation to join the Corps,” I sarcastically stated, adding a dramatic flair by draping my hand upon my chest in fake offense. “And I’m sure I could entertain myself with all the Titan killing I’ll be doing since you brats lack the skill to be able to protect yourselves.”
“Well, I suppose it isn’t all bad,” Furlan calmly stated. “You aren’t as much a grouchy old man anymore, and we get to be together still.”
“For all we know, you could be older than me you fucking brat.”
Before a response could be constructed against my statement, a figure sporting long, brown hair and heavy glasses appeared beside me, uninvitedly slinging their arm around my shoulder before I could create space between them. Much like Isabel, Hanji kept her hair pulled back messily, opting to restrain it in the form of a simple ponytail. Similarly, both females seemed to have an endless amount of energy and enthusiasm for annoying me in particular.
Hanji was the relatively new resident crazy scientist of the Survey Corps and no real business joining expeditions such as the one that was currently being undertaken. Scoping the field in order to expand maps didn’t require the analytical and experimental mind of the crazy lady, yet she managed to invite herself on all three expeditions that I was forced to endure. I often thought about the possibility of Erwin forcing babysitting duties on her to ensure that the ‘scum from the underground’ behaved ourselves. I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case, acknowledging the distrust the Corps obviously had with the three ex-thieves. My natural ability to kill and seemingly lack of humanity must’ve made the perfect weapon in Erwin’s eyes for him to even consider taking me, let alone us, under his wing.
“Levi!” Hanji cried, dumping their body weight onto my smaller frame. She seemed to relish the unsolicited contact she managed to obtain before being, quite literally, thrown off. I threw my most piercing gaze in her direction, observing the disgustingly dirty (in my standards) state she was in, cringing at the fact she had laid more than a mere finger near me. “Commander Erwin would like to see you short stack!”
Isabel and Furlan made muffled noises of discontentment, only loud enough to be heard by my sensitive ears. I didn’t need to hear their grumbles to know what they though of the Commander as they had repeatedly expressed their displeasure of the situation that he held their leader in. I, however, didn’t share their discontentment. My relationship with the Commander was complicated to say the least, but the man did save my life, as well as my family’s lives. That kept him out of my bad books for now, but the fact he initially tried to kill us meant he wasn’t in my good books either, existing in a limbo of sorts. I liked having things in black and white, and Erwin was a confusing grey.
“I’m coming,” I growled lowly, not even attempting to be civil with the mad scientist that had no concept of personal space. My eyes quickly searched Hanji’s framed orbs, trying to gage an idea of what the Commander required me for, but gestured for them to lead the way when my efforts bore no fruits; either because Hanji didn’t know the reason or was unwilling to let anything slip.
Erwin was often thought of as untrustworthy, careless and a gambler of human lives, allowing the titans to claim the lives of too many Scouts for the cowards huddled in the walls to be happy about. Not many people had the guts to voice their negative opinions of the blonde, possibly due to his abnormally large, imposing figure, but I possessed immeasurable amounts of respect and trust for the man. How could I not when Erwin risked his life fighting me to recruit me in order to save not only my, but my family’s lives? I found that I didn’t agree with the common thoughts of the people, yet I would have no issue telling the larger man if I did have a problem with him.
Hanji led me to the circle of Commanding Officers that sat in the middle of the clearing they had chosen to set camp for the night in, roughly 200 metres from the spot I was minding my own business not five minutes ago. Erwin was huddled around with a worn map with a handful of captains, speaking of their journey outside the wall so far from what I could hear.
“You wished to see me Commander Erwin?” I saluted, speaking loudly to ensure I could be heard over the chatter from the Captains. All eyes turned in my direction and I noted the tired face that the Captains of the various squads wore despite the relative quietness of the expedition thus far.
“Yes Levi,” Erwin said calmly, gesturing for me to be at ease. “I wanted your opinion of the quietness of this expedition. You’ve noticed that since entering this forest it has been usually quiet, correct?”
I had noticed; the lack of titans that I had the displeasure of dirtying my hands to kill on this expedition was unnerving. It was uncomfortably quiet surrounding the rest area in which we occupied. The typical sounds of shouts and titan steam hissing was missing from the air, signalling that the Scouts standing guard for the time being had not encountered a titan. It had been that way since we arrived in this eerie forest. The trees, much larger than majority of the other forests we have previously visited, whispered in the wind as if they were holding a secret just out of grasp. In the underground, my previous stomping ground, this kind of quiet often alluded to bad news.
“It has been unusually quiet, sir. This kind of silence has never meant any good news for me in the past. It is as if we are missing something important; I don’t like the uneasiness I feel here.”
“I agree.” Erwin hummed confidently. “Since we entered this forest we have not been bothered by any titans despite our numbers. There has to be a reason that the titans are so few in this area. I need to know whether I need to pull everyone out before we are massacred or squished like bugs by a horde of titans. Take Isabel and Furlan for a run of the perimeter to see if you can find me some answers.”
“Yes Commander!” I saluted swiftly before taking my leave, escaping before the clutches of Hanji could take hold as I quickly made my way over to the remainder of my trio.
Isabel’s eyes immediately locked with mine as soon as I so much as glanced in their direction, having probably kept an eye on the meeting from afar. At this current distance I doubted she could use her voodoo magic to look beyond the mask of indifference I sported and into the pool of my true emotions, yet it only took a few paces for her to lean over to speak into Furlan’s ear. They were both on their feet and prepared to depart upon my arrival, somehow sensing that they were going to be required to be on the move quickly.
“What’s happening big bro?” Isabel asked, rushing after me with Furlan by her side when I neglected to stop by them, carrying on into the foliage.
“Erwin wants us to run a stealth perimeter check to see why things have been so quiet,” I answered shortly, keeping my eyes forward. “We are keeping our eyes and ears open for any indications as to why there are no titans in the area to determine whether it is suicide to continue the expedition or not.”
After taking off in a light jog, I precisely squeezed the triggers attached to the handles od my gear and shot my grappling hooks out from my hips, enjoying the familiar rush of adrenaline that exploded through my body as my lines pulled me off the forest floor and into the sky with astonishing speed. I heard the quiet embedding of Isabel and Furlan’s hooks into wood behind me, clearly indicating they were following without needing me to turn my head. Together, we flew through the maze of tree trunks toward the perimeter of the area we were occupying, relishing in the feel of the fresh air brushing our skin.
-----
It’s not that using the omni-directional mobility gear was boring; I never feel more free than when I am flying through the air with only cables attached to a series of belts that littered my body to keep me airborne. Everything just looked like the same blobs of green and brown repeating themselves on a never-ending cycle. Two hours of meticulously searching at a snail’s pace for what was turning out to be nothing through identical looking trees was pushing me close to the edge of calling it quits and heading back to camp without finishing the entire perimeter.
It seemed that my company had similar thoughts; the sight of bright auburn hair racing past me in a flash hinted at that fact. Isabel sent a cheeky grin in my direction mid backflip, one eyelid closed in a wink while the other green eye sparkled youthfully. I felt the muscles in my face twinge as a small smile appeared as I watched her gracefully spread her wings, speeding off on her own.
“Jeez, you are so slow, you old men!” She called over her shoulder as she powered ahead, her giggles almost getting lost in the wind. “There’s nothing to report on except that one stick that looked snake that made Furlan poop his pants, so let’s let loose for a bit before we head back. I’ll race ya!”
“You brat! I did not poop my pants!” Furlan called after her, zipping past me without a second thought in an attempt to make her pay for saying such degrading things about him.
I remained still on the branch I was currently occupying, contemplating the consequences of letting go of responsibility for a few minutes. As I watched after my two best friends, the feeling the prickled at my nape, remaining a quiet hum in the background, spiked harshly. I whipped my head around, quickly surrounding both the treetops and ground below in an effort to catch whatever was causing my nerves to go haywire in my sights. I was only greeted with the stillness of the forest that stared back at me with a look of innocence.
The confirmation that nothing was amiss did nothing to calm the tingling sensation, I reluctantly faced forward once again, feeling dissatisfaction and somewhat weary with the continuation of the feeling. I took a deep breath through my nose, inhaling the concoction of aromas the trees and dampened soil released. Closing my eyes, I took a moment to appreciate the gift of freedom that I was now able to experience above ground, pushing the unsettling feeling to the back of my mind and labelling it merely paranoia. I was no longer chained to the earth; the sky was now the limit.
I took one last deep breath of the natural odours before allowing my body fall forward, letting gravity pull me swiftly toward the ground. If anyone were to witness me in that moment, they would perhaps freak out and conclude that I was about to begin my trip to the afterlife by my own hand. However, no one was around to fearfully witness me approach the ground, and I was unfazed by the fast approaching patches of brown and green, nor the sounds of the wind propelling past my ears. I gracefully flipped upright and discharged my hooks, relishing in the drop of my stomach when they attached to the trees and halted my advancements to the ground, propelling me forward at record breaking speeds.
It took merely seconds to reach Isabel and Furlan, my body straining slightly to keep myself upright for the journey at that speed. Compared to my rapid speeds, my two companions were moving at a snail’s pace. The wind partially drowned out their shouts of protest as they tried in vain to quicken their own actions in an attempt to catch me. I couldn’t help but let out a laugh at the euphoric feeling that coursed through my veins, my face muscles tensing into a small smile that I couldn’t stop from appearing. I was free; happy; had no responsibilities or burdens. I felt like the child I was unable to be in my earlier years.
I manoeuvred my body with ease into a backflip once I was sure I would not crash into any stray branches in one particularly large clearing. Time seemed to slow down as I continued propelling forward whilst hanging upside down, my blinking eyelids opening to reveal the sight of Isabel and Furlan’s smiling faces as they chased after me. They were a hundred or so metres behind me, but I could see their matching grins plastered on their faces clear as day; able to see how much younger they looked in that moment.
Yet, my stomach dropped heavily, and it wasn’t due to gravity.
Behind my two companions, a flash of lightning lit up the area, revealing the opened hand of a 15-metre class titan reaching for their tiny bodies. The beast was unlike any titan I had ever seen before, with dark brown hair flowing atop its large head, surrounding its lipless mouth and forming a triangle in the middle of its chest. The torso was disproportionately large compared to its limbs and head.
My throat closed up at the sight of the monster. How it had managed to get this close without detection caught me off-guard, regardless of the tingling feeling I had disregarded a few moments earlier, considering the sheer size of the beast. Shock took a backseat to the fear I openly felt for my friends lives as a scream ripping itself from my throat. I completed the backflip, clumsily due my rushed movements, and moved as fast as I physically could to double back in the direction of my friends. As my body began moving toward them, I felt my vocal cords produce more sounds, but the beating of the blood in my ears and rushing of the passing air deafened me to the sound. My eyes were my only connection to the environment outside of my own body, allowing me to watch as Isabel and Furlan’s heads turned to face behind them, grins immediately dropping from their faces. I felt, tasted, smelt and heard nothing.
Everything was moving so slowly; I was moving too slowly. Reaching out for my friends’ hands as I travelled toward them, I could do nothing but watch and call out to them as the obnoxiously large hand wrapped itself around one of the only true family I had known, capturing them within its grasp. Without hesitation and with abnormal speed, the titan lifted its tightened fist to its mouth and threw their bodies between the awaiting rows of teeth. I was close enough to see the terror plastered on Isabel and Furlan’s faces clear as day, to see the glistening of tear tracks that ran down their faces, when the titan forced its teeth through their abdomens, sending spurts of blood into the air.
Blood splattered over my body, but my mind was muted to the unclean feeling. My body was detached from my mind as it moved by itself to evade the incoming hand with inhuman precision, my hooks being released to quickly redirect me toward the ground. My mind barely registered the two falling torsos that fell in time with my descent; the two lifeless eyes that seemed to be begging for me to save them.
My gear flawlessly shot out my hooks between the monster’s legs, dragging my disconnected body through its legs and allowing me to drag my blades harshly through its unguarded achilles. Immediately, my body twisted and allowed my gear to pull me toward the head of the titan as it fell. I twisted to the side and sliced through the underarms of the beast, rendering its arms incapable of catching itself. It collided with the ground with a heavy thud and a cloud of dust, unable to move, whilst I gracefully landed a few paces from its face so I could look into its eyes.
My mind was screaming at me loudly, begging me to cause it the most amount of pain I could before I ended its existence. My body obliged, immediately moving to slice my blades through its glaring eyes, my mind barely registering the intelligence I saw within their depths before I took its sight. I could now hear the screams the beast was emitting, as if it were calling for help, but I didn’t care for it. Moving with lightning speed, I removed chunks of flesh from the titan’s body, fierce shouts of anguish escaping my lips with every swing of my swords.
Only once the body of the monster was unrecognisable and surrounded by a heavy fog of titan steam did I make my way slowly to its nape. I raised my swords and hacked at its nape, dealing the final blow.
“Levi!”
I could hear commotion of several soldiers but opted to ignore them in favour of finding my family. It didn’t take long for me to find the familiar green cloaks, now splattered with crimson pools of blood, that covered the torsos of Isabel and Furlan. I hesitantly removed the cloak from their faces, unprepared for the life that was non-existent in their open eyes despite having already experienced the look. My mother had held that look the few days I had sat with her deceased body.
I unwillingly fell to my knees, losing all strength in my legs. I was silent as I looked over their mangled bodies, my eyes stopping on their scouting badges that were sewn to their cloaks. With shaky hands, I brought my small switchblade I had habitually carried with me out from its hidden compartment in my right boot and raised it to their cloaks, carefully detaching them from their fraying cloaks.
A pair of hands grabbed my biceps gently, but I quickly ripped myself from their grasp, getting to my feet quickly and taking several rapid steps away from everyone. Hanji’s eyes stayed with the torsos of my fallen companions for a few moments, tears threatening to spill over the boundary of her lids, before she shifted her gaze to me. She opened her mouth as if to comfort me, but I steeled myself, forcing my face into a look of neutrality, and brushed past her. The only weakness that anyone was going to be able to see was my whitened grasp of the two badges I had been able to procure in order to preserve the memory of the last family I was profoundly blessed with.
“Levi…”
“Levi.”
-----
-Present day-
“Levi!”
My eyes snapped open and body lurched forward, jolting me into a seated position. One of my shaky hands was grasping at my chest as if it were able to calm my beating heart and convince my lungs they were working while the other clutched desperately at the bed sheets. The grey sky outside blocked any potential sunlight that would’ve otherwise streamed through the window to illuminate the room in a pleasant golden glow as it peeked over the horizon, effortlessly matching the mood in which I was startled awake with. The shadows in the room seemed darker than usual, hiding the figurative bodies of my night terrors in its cloak, allowing them to stare into my soul where I sat.
I grimaced at the clammy feeling that covered the entirety of my body which was causing the sheets to stick to my bared chest. This wouldn’t be the first time in which I would have to change the dirtied sheets this week. The same nightmare that had plagued my sleep in the past had decided to make an appearance after a few long years of radio silence. Not that the faces of my fallen family didn’t haunt me every time I closed my eyes or whenever we lose another soldier, their fear filled faces laughing at the fact that I will never be fast enough to save them.
“Levi? Come on short stack. Open up,” I heard Hanji call through the door to my chambers, causing a low groan to erupt from my throat. “You missed out on breakfast, but I brought you some bread and soup, and got that new little blonde cherub to make you the tea how you like it. I know you like the way she makes it.”
“Fuck off four-eyes,” I grumbled, mainly to myself, as I peeled the sheet from my skin before removing myself from the uncomfortable confines of the slightly dampened bed.
My chamber had three small separate rooms; the bedroom, private bathroom and office. I trudged through the office, the largest of all of the rooms, and made my way to the door. I didn’t bother to clothe my bare chest, not wanting the uncomfortable stickiness that remained to dirty any shirt that I placed upon it. Opening the door violently enough to portray my discontentment at being awoken, I was greeted with the overly large, grinning face of Hanji with a tray containing tea and a measly looking breakfast outstretched in front of them. I glared at them, taking my breakfast from their awaiting hands before retreating back into my chambers and to my desk chair, leaving the door open as to invite Hanji in. Despite not wanting to entertain company at the current time, I knew that they would simply persist had I turned them away. They enthusiastically stepped through the threshold of my office, quickly closing the door behind them before perching on the chair on the other side of my large desk.
“So,” They began cautiously, not letting their voice lack any of their usual chaotic energy. “How are you going Levi?”
“I’m doing fine.”
“You don’t have to pretend with me Short Stack. You had a nightmare, didn’t you?”
“What if I did? I have nightmares whenever I close my eyes.”
“You know it’s normal for memories like those to be resurfacing, even after however long it has been. Especially considering everything that is going to be happening starting tomorrow. I am honestly surprised you have been allowed to come with us. I don’t know what Erwin is thinking.”
I took a drink from my tea, revelling in the burn as it slid down my throat as a distraction from the psychological pain this conversation would cause, opting to leave the food Hanji brought with them on the tray untouched. Who knew what germs they transferred onto it? Hanji’s eyes were trained on me, holding too much sympathy within the large orbs that sat behind their heavy frames.
“Levi, it’s not too late to tell Erwin that you don’t want to go.”
“You and Erwin need to worry less about me and more about keeping as many scouts alive as we can. Walls knows that is more of a priority if we want to keep the Scouts at a functional level. This isn’t going to inhibit my ability to fight, so I have no real reason to not join you on the mission.”
“I think it’s reason enough.”
I stood from my chair, having finished my scolding tea, and left the room to collect my pristine uniform that hung within the confines of the small wardrobe beside my unmade bed. Upon re-entering the office space, I noticed Hanji hadn’t so much as moved a muscle from their position in front of my desk. Their figure was slouched forward, gaze staring straight ahead, unfocused and slightly teary, lacking the enthusiasm they could barely contain when they arrived.
“Find Eld and tell him to begin gear training the squadron in preparation for our journey outside of the walls tomorrow. Inform him that I will be joining them in half an hour’s time.”
I didn’t wait for an answer from Hanji, disappearing into the bathroom with my uniform. I heard the entry door faintly click shut as I turned the shower on. I hesitantly made my way back into the bedroom and over to the small bedside table as the water began its slow heating. I opened the top drawer and pulled out a small inconspicuous cloth bundle. I unwrapped the deep green cloth and held the two badges close to my chest while my eyes looked over the countless other badges that were scattered throughout the bottom of the drawer. I inhaled heavily, letting out the breath in a large rush, as if expelling the negative emotions that had built in my chest, before rewrapping Isabel and Furlan’s Scout badges in the cloth and gently placing it back in the drawer.
I carefully shut the drawer before re-entering the bathroom and stripping myself of the sweat soaked bottoms I wore. Stepping carelessly under the now slightly heated spray of water, I let my head fall slightly forward to let the water run through my sweaty locks, watching as the water flowed off the tips of my raven hair. Rubbing both hands harshly over my tired face, I let out a final sigh to expel the last of my emotions. I had one day to steel my mind and prepare for a journey down memory lane; to prepare to return to the cursed place that took my family from me. I couldn’t let emotions affect how I acted.