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It wasn’t a foreign feeling to Ushiwaka. The fuzziness that creeped into the edges of his brain, or the fact that everything just seemed… simpler. It was something he was ashamed of, especially with the things it made him feel inclined to do, or how it made him act. It only happened when he was stressed or hadn’t given into the feeling of it for a while, and at the moment, both of those applied. Usually, school never stressed him out and he got excellent grades, though recently he’d been slipping a little on assignments and getting lower marks than usual. This caused both himself and his teachers to be concerned, but there was reason for it.
The loss to Karasuno. The failure to make it to nationals. It was killing him inside even if no one else could tell. He needed the world to slow down for a moment and allow him to breathe, maybe grieve over his loss as well. But nothing ever stopped, the world kept turning with no concern for how Ushijima felt inside his chest. The heaviness that sat there every time he thought about his blocked spikes.
This time, though, the fuzziness was appearing when he let his mind wander back to it. The want to be held, to cuddle something, to chew or suck on something. It was embarrassing, especially considering that he was at practice at the moment. He’d pushed it away before, though, so what was one more time? Of course, that’s not counting how much he’d put it off in recent days. How he hadn’t laid in his dorm while Tendou was snoring above him, bunched up his blankets to feel like he was hugging a stuffed toy, and stuck his thumb in his mouth. It always felt therapeutic and he couldn’t be sure why.
“Wakatoshi-kun?” Tendou asked him, ripping him harshly from his thoughts. Apparently he’d been zoning out, simply staring at the net instead of participating in the spiking drills. “You’re off, what’s the big deal?” The redhead inquired, getting a little too close to him. He wrung his hands, clenching and unclenching his jaw before relaxing enough to talk to Tendou. Of course the other would be the one to pick up on any of his odd behavior. Most people couldn’t.
“I’m alright.” Ushiwaka replied simply, preparing to join the drills like he should’ve minutes prior. Tendou hummed in a way that signified he didn’t believe a word from the ace’s mouth.
“I’ll figure out what’s up after practice. If I have to crash into your bunk, I will.” He grinned, out of pocket as he always was with the things he said. Ushijima nearly cringed visibly at that. The thought of Tendou looking into his bunk whenever he gave into the vulnerable feeling in his mind made his stomach drop. But then, images flooded his mind unprompted. Ones of Tendou cradling him, running his long fingers through his hair and whispering sweet things. Babying him, practically. It was enough to make the blood rush to his face and ears, and his chest fill with warmth. The problem was how absolutely ridiculous it all was, and he shook his head a little to rid himself of those thoughts.
“I’d prefer if you didn’t do that.” He finally responded to Tendou, who just chuckled in response.
“What, are you hiding something from me? That’d be bizarre.” He said, his smile sly as he placed a hand on Ushiwaka’s shoulder, and the ace couldn’t understand why Tendou had said that. There were plenty of things the other didn’t know about him, though he wasn’t hiding those things. This, he was hiding. Because why wouldn’t he? It was humiliating.
“Perhaps I am. And perhaps we should finish practice before getting yelled at.” He hummed, giving Tendou a sharp look, and that was the last the redhead said on the subject for the rest of practice. But it was obvious that Ushijima was sloppy, and that he wasn’t at his best. Everyone noticed it, and he couldn’t help but feel like everyone was staring and whispering. It made him want to crawl under a rock. Soon enough, though, practice had ended and he was back at his dorm. He could relax…
“Okay! Tell me what’s wrong!” Tendou exclaimed as he practically danced past the door frame into the bedroom. “You were messing up awfully at practice. I can’t let any of this slide, Wakatoshi-kun.” He said, and it would almost be sweet if it weren’t so inconvenient. Ushijima swallowed nervously, but reminded himself that Tendou wouldn’t know about it if he didn’t tell him.
“I’m simply tired. Nothing more.” He answered, and it wasn’t obvious that it was a lie just because it was Ushijima, and he was always so deadpan you’d never be able to tell the difference. Tendou, however, had a way of knowing that was just instinctual after knowing the other for so long.
“Not the truth.” He stated bluntly with a sigh, going over to where Ushiwaka was seated on his bunk and sat next to him. “We can’t have a captain and ace who isn’t performing at his best, you know.” He said as he rested his own head in his hand. That statement nearly brought tears to Ushijima’s eyes, because he knew the other was right, and he was going to fix it, if he could just leave him alone and let him.
“I’ll be at my best if you let me take care of something I need.” He explained vaguely, and Tendou’s eyes narrowed as he tilted his head. This expression stayed for a few moments before they widened.
“Oh, do you need to jack off?” He questioned casually, and Ushiwaka’s stomach felt sick when he said that. That was just about the opposite of what he wanted to do, and the thought of it at the moment made him feel a bit ill and uncomfortable.
“That’s not it at all.” He responded with a slight grimace, looking away from Tendou and finding it way more interesting to inspect the wall across from them. Tendou grumbled something about Ushijima being difficult before speaking again.
“Well, could ya just tell me? Then I’ll leave you alone.” He promised, a hopeful edge to his tone. Ushijima hated people like this, but somehow, he never hated Tendou, even when he was bugging him like this. Maybe it would be alright if he told him- would he really tell anybody? Sure, the other had a big mouth, but when it actually meant something, he was pretty sincere about keeping it to himself.
“You aren’t allowed to tell anyone.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Good.” Ushijima took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to find the best way to describe the feeling in his brain. “Sometimes, my head becomes… foggy.” He stated in the best way he possibly could. Tendou looked thoroughly confused. “And it makes me want to do childish things. Like hug a toy. Or… Or use something as a soother.” He explained, and his deep voice was wavering as he spoke, his face bright red. He wouldn’t even look at Tendou, too afraid of what the other’s reaction might be.
“Okay, cool. Isn’t there a term for that? I swear I saw it online once. Like, regression? Something like that.” Tendou rambled, completely unphased by Ushiwaka’s words, which amazed the ace. He wasn’t put off or weirded out? He watched the redhead take his phone out of his pocket and google something. “Yeah! See, here’s an article,” He said, “Age regression occurs when someone reverts to a younger state of mind. This retreat may be only a few years younger than the person’s physical age. It could also be much younger, into early childhood or even infancy.
People who practice age regression may begin showing juvenile behaviors like thumb-sucking or whining. Others may refuse to engage in adult conversations and handle issues they’re facing.” He read out to Ushiwaka, who sat in slight awe of the situation. This was something other people did? He had made himself believe it was just himself who had the feeling, so this was an incredible discovery.
“It also says that regressors can have caregivers. You want me to do that and help?” Tendou grinned, being completely blunt and unafraid of the situation he was in. To him, it wasn’t weird at all, and if something assisted Ushiwaka in taking away worry or stress, he wanted to help more than anything. Ushijima once again turned bright red, looking down a bit before clearing his throat. He remembered the images that flashed in his mind during practice. Could those really become a reality?
“If you feel inclined.” He managed to say, and Tendou just gave a little chuckle that Ushiwaka hoped wasn’t mocking. But the other didn’t seem to be mocking him in any capacity, so it was fine. Suddenly, Tendou’s arms were wrapped around him and the other was ruffling his hair.
“Alright, then! I don’t really know what I’m doing, but it can’t be that hard!” He exclaimed, “Anyways, I’m glad that something so simple was wrong with you. I was actually pretty worried back at practice.” He admitted with a bit of a shrug, obviously getting easily sidetracked. Ushijima gave a little nod, fidgeting with his fingers as he let the fuzzy feeling in his brain take over- because Tendou would be here to help. He didn’t think it was weird, and he wouldn’t tell anyone. Hesitantly, he gripped onto Tendou’s shirt and laid his head on his shoulder, clinging to him in a bit of an awkward position.
“Tell me… If- If this is too much…” Ushiwaka murmured out, hiding his face against Tendou. The redhead let out a loud awing noise at this behavior, shifting so the other could relax against him more comfortably, beginning to rub his back.
“Not at all, lil’ Ushi!” He grinned, apparent joy in his tone. This comforted Ushijima immensely, to know that Tendou was enjoying it as much as he was. He stayed like this for a little while, just letting the other hold onto him, feeling safe in his grasp. He had hardly noticed himself that he’d slipped his thumb into his mouth and had begun to use it as a soother. Of course, Tendou had noticed, and there was a warm ache in his chest upon seeing Ushiwaka so vulnerable like this, laying at his shoulder sucking his thumb like a little baby. It made him happy in a way he couldn’t explain. He felt the urge to keep him safe and protected.
Ushijima felt the same amount of happiness. He’d never felt so safe in this state before, and he was even more comforted by knowing it wasn’t something only he did. There were others who experienced it, and then there was Tendou who wanted to keep him feeling cared for. He struggled to find words to say in his small mind, so he squirmed a bit in Tendou’s grasp before making a small noise from his throat. Tendou gave a little hum, “Something wrong?” He asked, but Ushiwaka shook his head a little bit, dribbling from the corner of his mouth slightly without his knowledge. The redhead chuckled. “Wow, you are just a baby, huh?” He questioned as he wiped Ushijima’s mouth with the sleeve of his jacket. “Here, let’s do this.” He said before laying down on the bed and helping to maneuver the regressor so that he was cuddled against Tendou’s chest. “Better?”
Ushijima gave a small noise from his throat once again, trying to use his words. “C-Comfy…” He managed to say, and it was incredibly slurred, as if he was intoxicated. He felt incredibly small like this, being cradled against Tendou’s chest and verbally told how much of a baby he was. “...Ten’ou…” He mumbled out before hiding his face further into the other’s chest. Tendou’s face went slightly red.
“Awww… Yeah, that’s me, lil’ buddy…!” He cooed, running his long fingers through the olive hair slightly beneath him. He found it a wonder how small Ushijima truly was, and he wished to engage with the regressor more, but he didn’t exactly know how, so he just relaxed in the quiet moment, listening to the soft suckling and little breaths coming from Ushiwaka. It was calming, and he closed his eyes, feeling at peace for a rare moment.
Ushijima felt a similar peace, his eyes feeling heavy as he was cuddled and had his hair played with. He used his free hand to rub at them with a closed fist before letting out a little yawn. He was tired, but he didn’t want this moment to end. He didn’t want to stop being with Tendou, and being comforted and coaxed about how small he was. It almost brought tears to his eyes, how much he didn’t want it to end. “Sleepy…” He rasped out, “B-But Ten’ou be here when I awake..?” He asked almost worriedly. Tendou gave a large grin, patting the regressor’s head encouragingly.
“Of course, sleepyhead! I’ll be right here with you the moment you wake up!” He promised. “So don’t you worry!”
And for once, Ushijima didn’t worry. He fell asleep in a completely peaceful state, not stressed about anything in the comfort of his caregiver’s arms.