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Despite all appearances, Jamie was gentle. Devastatingly so. It hurt Dani, the way Jamie was so careful with her. She felt like a cracked glass, ready to break at any moment. It felt so odd. Dani was so used to being gentle with her loved ones, caring for those around her, she was used to being the caretaker. The gentleness, the fondness in Jamie’s touch… it was too much. Some nights, when Jamie was asleep, she’d just sit and cry. There wasn’t much else she could bring herself to do. What else are you supposed to do when there’s a raging spirit deep inside of you? But that wasn’t why she’d cry. She would just sit and silence and in darkness, the ghost of Jamie’s touches and Jamie’s words echoing over her skin and in her mind. The kindness and sheer adoration was… overwhelming. Dani wasn’t used to being treated with such care. So she’d sit, and she’d cry. And Jamie would never know how much every fleeting touch and careful word would hurt Dani. It made Dani feel so weak. It made Dani feel like she didn’t have the strength to fight anymore. It made her think about the inevitable.
But, Dani would never say anything. Jamie would do anything for her. She knew that. She understood so much that it hurt. Dani felt that every moment she spent with Jamie was… future pain. Dani knew that she would inevitably lose. And every day, every moment, every second brought her closer. And sometimes Dani would just sit. She’d sit in the shower, or on the bed, or on the floor. She’d sit, and she’d… lose time. Jamie usually found her.
Dani loved Jamie. More than anything, and more than anyone ever before. Jamie was the best thing that ever happened to Dani. Jamie was… everything. She was quick-witted and fun and flirty and laid-back and kind and caring and loving. She was everything.
Sometimes Dani would play the same song on repeat for hours. It helped, with the anxiety, and with the… insatiable entity occupying her mind. Dani would spend hours in the living room listening to one song. Jamie would join her, sit with her. Those nights were always either the worst, or some of the best. It usually depended on whether Dani was alone or not.
Jamie was her everything, at the end of the day. It was a bit overwhelming at times. Sometimes it would manage to drown out the constant voice in her head. Sometimes she could lose herself in Jamie and all that she was. It was in the quiet moments, cleaning up after dinner side-by-side or laying together in bed, reading a book or watching TV. The simple things. Existing in each other’s presence. It was soothing. It was so soothing, and it would fill her to the brim. Her heart ached. It hurt.