Work Text:
‘Speaking of what’s new: All you’ve been releasing lately are love songs. Is there a lucky lady your fans should know about?’
The musician shifted in his seat and smiled, ‘Unfortunately, those songs are about something unrequited. I wrote those a while ago actually. We're just now producing them.’
‘Unrequited? Does that mean you got rejected? That’s hard to imagine. You’re quite the heartthrob,’ the interviewer replied.
‘Not really. I never told him. Never really thought he liked me anyways; he always seemed,’ he paused for a moment, ‘annoyed when I offered to help him.’
‘Help him?’
‘Oh, he was on my high school volleyball team. We used to practice together a lot. We don't really see each other as much nowadays,’ the musician chuckled, ‘and yet I’m still talking about him, huh.’
Shiarabu had first seen this video tweeted with the caption ‘imagine rejecting THE semi eita. could never be me,’ filled by a string of emojis he didn’t understand. He really hadn’t intended to be scroll through stan twitter, he had just wanted to know why Shiratorizawa was trending. Of course everyone assumed the interview was about Ushijima.
‘ok but it just HAS to be the hot guy on the schweiden adlers. he was on semi's team at shiratorizawa’
‘i know nothing about shiratorizawa but semi's so right to thirst over his old captain’ was the caption to a fancam of some kpop group Shirabu knew Goshiki listened to.
‘i think ushijima wakatoshi is hot, semi thinks ushijima wakatoshi is hot. we have so much in common, if i had gone to shiratorizawa, he would have fallen in love with me’ followed by two sparkling heart emojis and a heart eyes emoji.
Where, exactly, they had gotten the idea that Semi’s crush was on Ushijima was beyond Shirabu, especially since there were 12 other guys on the team, but what was stan twitter without a little delusion?
Tendou had decided to the general confusion, tweeting ‘. @semisemi_music sorry that i never loved you back, i’ll give u a kiss when u get ur grammy <3’ The next tweet was promoting the sweets shop Tendou worked at, of course.
It wasn’t Tendou either. Shirabu knew that. He had known who Semi had had a crush on since his first year of university after a phone call with Kawanishi. It was admittedly embarrassing to discover that someone had a major crush on you after you hadn’t seen them for a year and a half. And that everyone except you had known about it.
But Shirabu thought he had handled it well.
Sure, he had spent several nights stalking Semi through all social media and looking through text messages from years ago for any hint that Semi felt something. And maybe he did post a selfie he thought he looked really good in when he knew that Semi was active. And maybe it did give him some sense of satisfaction when Semi liked his selfie. (Although he wouldn’t acknowledge to himself or anyone else how disappointed he was that there was no comment.) Shirabu was entitled to try to figure out the situation. To find a conclusion. And he had a conclusion.
It was a stupid, inconsequential crush. Semi had never really known enough about him to really like him. They had never been close enough for Semi to know anything about him. He didn’t love him. You couldn’t use the word love to describe the situation. It had no place when talking about Semi and Shirabu.
Until now. Yea, hearing that Semi had a crush on one of his teammates hadn’t phased Shirabu at all. What did phase him? That Semi had written those songs about him. It absolutely floored him. Those songs were about him.
Him.
Him!
Semi Eita wrote an albums worth of works about loving him. And years later, he decided to release it. Still! After years! Did Semi really know enough about him to write those songs? Apparently. Shirabu couldn’t really tell you the answer. He could tell you what he thought was the answer, but he wasn't in Semi's head. He couldn't know what he was thinking, he just knew what he wrote. He had added Semi’s albums to his Spotify playlist (all of Shiratorizawa had, to show solidarity), but he hadn’t really listened to the lyrics of his songs. His stomach felt fluttery at the thought that those songs were about him, but he tried to ignore it.
There were no feelings between them.
Right?
It was a highschool crush. And maybe Semi did write some songs about him, but Shirabu was sure that they weren’t that deep. And they weren’t on the same team anymore. They really didn't see each other. And Shirabu definitely didn’t have feelings for Semi. Absolutely not.
And feelings had nothing to do with Shirabu listening to Semi’s music while he took notes. And while he was on transit. And laying in his bed in the middle of the night, unable to sleep. He just wanted to know what the songs were about.
Tying his shoes really should not have been enough to make Shirabu think about Semi. It really shouldn’t have. However, Semi had to write a song called ‘Double-Knot’ and sing about how endearing he found his little habit. When had he even seen him do that? Well. It wasn't that surprising that he saw him tying his shoes, but he really was watching close enough to tell he was double-knotting his laces? And he remembered that enough to write a song? Shirabu didn’t know whether to find it mortifying that the man had paid enough attention to him to know that or sweet that he had even noticed. He chose mortifying and then tied his shoelaces with one knot.
He didn’t like the warm feeling in his chest when he thought about how sweet it was that Semi had cared or how he found himself wanting to know more. What about Semi? Did he have little habits like that? Of course he did. He was thinking too much about it. He much preferred the general feeling of disdain he had felt in highschool when he noticed Semi watching him during practices. Something he actually remembered Semi doing a lot and had shrugged off. He'd thought is was just part of him being an overbearing senpai at the time. But Semi had always been watching him.
-
Who the fuck was Semi Eita to make his concert tickets so expensive?
Shirabu glared at the order confirmation. At least most of his old team would be at the concert too. It would be a nice reunion. He would see Ushijima, Reon, Tendou, Goshiki, Kawanishi….. And Semi. Well. He could avoid seeing him. He could just watch. He could go on the first train after the concert. Shake his head, smile, and say he had to go home when the others talked about going backstage. Would that be okay? Yea. Yea! It was fine. He didn’t want to see Semi anyway. That only could have be awkward. ‘Hey, I know that the songs you were singing onstage are all about me and I haven’t been able to get you out of my head for months, but yea nothing has changed between us.’
Had something changed between them?
No.
No.
Maybe?
No. He hadn’t spoken to him personally in years. How could anything have changed? He and Semi didn’t even have a relationship anymore. Those songs were written in highschool. And he still sang those songs. What did any of this mean to him? Why did he release those songs?
Trying to answer those questions was futile. He had no idea what was on Semi’s mind. He never had. Shirabu put his phone away. It would still be a month before he had to see Semi.
-
‘Oh, he’s here! Shirabu!! Right here!’ Shirabu could see the red hair clearly in the crowd, but the once familiar long hair had been shaved down. Shirabu had apparently been the last one to arrive. Ushijima was looking over Goshiki’s shoulder at something Goshiki had wanted to show him on his phone. Reon and Kawanishi were laughing at something Tendou had been showing them on his phone.
It was weird to see all of his old team together again. A good kind of weird, that made his heart feel mushy and forced a smile onto his face.
The concert wasn’t going to start for 20 minutes and it was already crowded. Reon was muttering ‘sorrys’ and ‘excuse us’ as they made their way towards the front of the venue. It had started to sink in that he was there. At Semi Eita’s concert. And the group was going backstage after the concert. And he’d see Semi again. Oh god maybe this is a bad idea. He was going to see Semi. What would they even talk about? Couldn’t exactly say anything about his music, he knew what his songs were about. And what if that got brought up in front of the whole group? He didn’t even know what he would say to Semi if they could speak alone, let alone in front of a group of people.
‘Kenjirou, you okay?’ concern covered Kawanishi’s face, ‘You don’t really seem… here.’
‘Yea. I just had something on my mind.’
‘The interview?’
Whatever the facial expression Shirabu had, it made Kawanishi burst out laughing, ‘Yea, that’s gonna be a mess.’ Shirabu glared at him, ‘What? It is. You’ll be fine. Semi’s got a lot more to be embarrassed about.’
‘Yea. Thanks Taichi.’
They rejoined the group’s conversation, which included a heated debate about whether string cheese counts as a rope. Goshiki was looking up the definition of rope when the lights went down and a hush went over the crowd. And then the crowd erupted.
Shirabu had known that he was going for a punk rock aesthetic, but it was different to see the man actually in front of him in a mesh shirt and covered in jewelry. It was a very good look for him. Suddenly coming to the concert seemed very worth it.
‘Hey guys,’ Semi greeted the audience, ‘I wanna thank everyone for coming and I really hope you enjoy the show. I couldn’t be doing this without all of you.’
There is something amazing about seeing someone perform. Especially someone like Semi. The audience hung onto everything he did. It wasn't just singing. It was the movement, the eye contact, the emotion. The emotion! It was his songs. The ones about him. Semi was singing about loving him. And was clearly into it.
How many songs had passed when Semi paused the show again? Shirabu wasn’t sure. It was at least enough songs that the drink Goshiki had spilled on Ushijima had dried and Tendou had given up screaming along to all of the songs.
‘Alright, before our last song tonight, I want to thank some special people,’ Semi was looking right at them, ‘I've been thinking a lot about the past lately, and I just want to say I'm so thankful for the people who knew me before I got here, especially my old team. I wouldn’t be here without them. Their support means the world and I never would have started this if it wasn’t for them. So thank you. This last song is for all of you.’
What song Semi was playing, Shirabu wasn’t sure. He’d stopped listening when Semi made eye contact with him. Well. Not entirely. He could still tell what was happening around him. He just felt… Disconnected. Whatever illusion he had built up about this show was shattered. He was going to see Semi in what? Ten minutes? Not if he left. He could leave. He was a grown adult. They couldn’t stop him. The music had stopped playing. He could just leave and they couldn’t say a thing. And then he wouldn’t have to see Semi and he wouldn’t have to acknowledge his feelings and it would all be ok.
Shirabu was quite literally dragged back to reality. Tendou and Kawanishi had taken hold of his arms and dragged him backstage where the rest of the group was going, ‘You weren’t responding to us. Loud in there, huh?’
‘Yea.’
He was going to see him.
-
Shirabu hadn’t expected some scene out of a romance novel when they opened the door to the dressing room, but he hadn’t expected to see Semi half dressed either. It shouldn't really affect him. They had changed in front of each other tons of times before when they were in high school. But he could swear his cheeks were bright red.
‘Hey guys! Glad you could make it. There’s some folding chairs stacked over there if you wanna sit down.’
Catching up wasn’t too bad. They already texted each other a lot about what was going on in their lives and Shirabu was able to get away with one word answers on what he was doing in uni. Half of their conversation actually ended up being taken up by a continuation of the ‘is string cheese rope?’ argument. Seeing Reon and Ushijima argue so passionately over it had helped him feel more comfortable.
That is, until Tendou got up and announced that it was time to go to the bar. Now maybe this wouldn’t have been so uncomfortable if Tendou hadn't insisted that Shirabu stay behind with Semi ‘to make sure he didn't get lost on his way to the restaurant’ because ‘we can’t keep our dear Semi-Semi from putting everything away.’
And so Shirabu was left to stare at Semi as he packed his clothes. It was kinda funny, to be honest. Semi kept up this punk rock aesthetic and still folded his laundry before he put it in his suitcase.
‘Something to share?’
He didn’t realize he was laughing out loud.
‘Uh. You’re folding your clothes.’
He raised an eyebrow at him, ‘Yea? You don’t?’
‘I do. It’s just strange. I mean, here you are trying to look all badass and here you are kneeling on the floor folding.’
‘I don’t really think you can argue with me about aesthetics.’
‘Oh really?’ He was glaring at Semi. He knew he was, but could he be blamed? This sort of tension was far more familiar to him.
‘Dude,’ Semi’s smile was too friendly for this conversation, ‘Your bangs still look like you cut them with a ruler.’
‘Says the guys who leaves the tips of his hair undyed.’
‘And? It looks good,’ Semi crossed his arms.
‘Keep telling yourself that.’
‘You’re really still trying to fight me? I thought you would have gotten over this by now,’ Semi had moved in front of him. Shirabu had already thought it was unfair that Semi was taller than him, but the heeled boots adding to it had just made it worse. He really didn’t like having to look up when speaking to other people.
‘Yea, well I guess both of us still haven’t gotten over some things.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘You’re really gonna say that like you weren’t on stage singing fucking love songs?’
‘And?’ Semi’s arms were still crossed, but his face betrayed him. He knew exactly what Shirabu was talking about.
‘So you’re gonna play dumb? It’s cool to not say anything for years to me when every other person knows, and then talk about it in public without a word to me?’
‘Shira-’
‘I saw the interview, Eita.’
Semi gave up on whatever he had been trying to say.
‘It was about me, right?’
‘Yea. It was.’
‘And the songs?’
‘Those too.’
‘Okay.’
They were silent again. Semi didn’t move to go back to his packing and Shirabu was using all of his willpower to not reach for his phone. Something about this moment just felt like he shouldn’t.
‘And what about you?’ Semi didn’t meet his eyes when he said this.
‘What about me?’
‘I mean,’ Semi looked him in the eyes, ‘I think it’s clear how I feel. What about you?’
‘What about how you feel? You still haven't said it.’
‘I have to say it?’
‘Yes, you have to say it! Come on. If you can do it onstage, surely it can’t be that hard.’
‘I had a crush on you in high school. And I still like you now,’ Semi was one of those lucky people that you could barely see when they blushed, but Shirabu didn’t miss the pink dusting on his cheeks.
‘Okay. Ditto. Now let’s get going.’
Shirabu made to leave, but was stopped by Semi grabbing onto his wrist, ‘Kenjirou.’
‘Fine,’ he rolled his eyes, ‘I like you too.’
Semi smiled and returned to his bags, ‘I’m almost ready to leave. We should probably talk about this later, when we don’t have a bunch of people waiting on us?’
‘Yea, we can talk later.’
Shirabu had no way of knowing then that ‘later’ would be three hours later and would consist of him lying down in Semi’s hotel bed (he had stayed too late for the train ride home) and drunkenly complaining about how he thought Semi had hated him in high school, which had been followed up by an awkward conversation in the morning over two cups of coffee about how to even try a relationship between both of their busy schedules.