Work Text:
It all started that fateful night- Christmas Eve. Joanne was at the bar when The Grinch walked in, talking to his non-existent friends like he's a schizophrenic on crack. "Of COURSE I don't like Christmas. Giving gifts, kissing loved ones, its disgusting. Distasteful- and overall, overrated as fuck"
Joanne recognized him immediately. Stunningly handsome, but one huge dumbass. Christmas wasn't overrated. It was overall a waste and shouldn't exist in the first place. "What are you talking about, overrated my ass!" Joanne said to the Grinch. He looks at her from across the bar. No one notices either of them. It's like a dramatic highschool show where weird couple see each other from across the dance floor and everything stops moving except them and the music. The Grinch walks over to Joanne's booth.
"And, what is your name?" He asks politely. "You useless fuck..." He mumbles afterward. "My name is Joes- Joanne. My name is Joanne Tequila." "Hmmm. I don't believe you, but I don't care enough to care. My name is Grinch. The Grinch." He says with a smirk. They sit in silence for a minute while the Grinch thinks. 'Hmm, Joseph? Joshua? Joe? Joesaphine? what kind of name is he...'
During that, 'Joanne' is thinking 'I am handsome, I am handsome, he is handsome WAIT NO I'M NOT-'
"Hey guys, can I get you anything to drink?" a bartender says to them, breaking their trains of thought. "Yes, I'd like tequila, and shed also like tequila." Joanne says. 'Did he just say she?' The Grinch thinks, but doesn't correct him. "Actually I want a bloody Mary." He says, with a wink towards Joanne. "So, why do you think Christmas is so good?" The Grinch asks, 'you goody two-shoed cross dresser.' He thinks to himself. "I bet you have a man at home or something." "NO! I mean, no. No, I don't. I don't like Christmas either. I was correcting you because 'Christmas is overrated', when it's more than overrated. it shouldn't exist" Joanne corrects him, looking at him with a sneer that would kill most people in an instant.
'The Grinch is a girl... Right? They haven't said any context clues so far. Oh god, I really hope that's a girl.' Joanne thinks. Just 'cause Joanne is pretending to be a girl, doesn't mean he wants have shrex with a man. He isn't against being gay, but, he just isn't. "So, handsome 'lady' whats your deal. Who's your type, why you here?" The Grinch says with lust in his eyes. "My story is I love being alone, but a girl's gotta have some fun once in a while." He says sarcastically.
Joanne doesn't notice his sarcasm. 'Oh thank God, shes a girl, thank God, thank God, thank God.' "I just... broke up... with my boyfriend." Joanne has to think up an excuse fast, or else the Grinch is gonna figure out that "Joanne Tequila" is actually Joseph Joestar...
"Again, don't believe you, but again, I don't care." The Grinch says again. He drinks his entire glass in under a minute.
"I bet I can drink more than you before walking sideways." Joanne challenges him as he drinks his shot of tequila.
Over an hour later, they're both completely drunk, hitting on each other, and having a great time talking about various reasons why Christmas is a shithole of a holiday. "Hmmmh, what if we went to my mansion on the hill?" The Grinch asks, slurring his words.
"All the way up on the hill? C'mon, my house is around the corner." Joanne also says while slurring their words. They walk out the bar holding each other up. Their hands all over each other. They get into "Joannes" house and immediately the Grinch pins him against the wall.
"So, do you actually want this?" The Grinch asks, looking down. 'Gold on, is that a bulg-' "ARE YOU A MAN???" Joanne yells, forgetting to be quiet. The Grinch backs away "What kind of dumbass question is-"
"Hello?" a voice calls out. "JoJo, is that you?" A granny pops out from around the corner "Granny Erina, go back to your room PLEASE!" "By God, you smell like a hobo." She says while she walks away. Joesph is sitting on the floor now in the middle of breakdown because he was about. To fuck. A man. Which wouldn't have been terrible, except HE THOUGHT THE GRINCH WAS A WOMAN.
"So... I think I'm just gonna go..." The Grinch says awkwardly, as he slips past JoJo and to the door. "Mhm, mhm" JoJo responds, now in a ball on the floor. The Grinch walks out the door and immediately pulles his phone out of his pocket. "Tell the whose that went absolutely terrible."