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The flat was a mess.
Isak was eating on the bed so that he didn’t have to clear the kitchen table from all his books and notes for his finals. The chairs had turned into the official coat racks of their place (they had been for quite a while, actually) and he didn’t remember anymore when was the last time that they had cooked something by themselves in their own kitchen. Kudos to mama Bech Næsheim for the constant flux of tuppers and to the restaurant of the corner for its more-or-less healthy and cheap take away options. He didn’t know if he could make it through another whole exam season by just eating McDonalds again. He didn’t really want to try it.
So there he was, all rumpled clothes and messy hair and dark circles under his eyes because he’d been dreaming with his biology final for three days in a row and he didn’t know what else to do to survive.
And then there was Even too, who had no finals but was equally a ball of stress with legs for an unknown reason Isak didn’t seem to grasp. A ball of stress with long, long legs.
“Baby, I know that you know that you have long legs, and I also know that you are pretty aware that I love them, but could you please try to keep them away from my food? I’d really fucking appreciate it.”
Even was all over the bed. He had been using his laptop next to the window (“The light is splendid today, Isak, look!”), but as soon as Isak sat on the bed to eat he had quickly changed spots to be closer to him. Even had been sitting first, but he had ended up lying in bed like he was at the moment: laptop laying open on his stomach, arms splayed on the mattress, gaze lost somewhere in the ceiling and legs on Isak’s lap. Of course, Isak’s plate was on top of Even’s legs.
Even looked at him and pouted.
“But you’re so focused on your finals that these are the only moments I can be with you.” He placed a hand on his chest and feigned hurt. “And not even completely. You’re all there focused on eating… What are those?”
He took the laptop off his stomach and sat up to examine his food, legs still on Isak.
“Baby are you eating vegetables?”
“Shut up! Your mum and Sana almost forced me. I don’t even… like them!” Isak dropped the dish on the floor and frowned at Even. “Happy? Now I’m not getting my monthly ration of healthy food.”
Even laughed, got the vegetables back to Isak’s hands, kissed his cheek and laid back again with a laugh and his legs still all over Isak.
“Eat your vegetables, babe, I promise I won’t tell anyone.”
Isak rolled his eyes and tried to (unsuccessfully) hide a smile. But, instead of getting back to his food, he dropped the dish again and went to lay next to Even.
“Just five minutes,” he muttered against his lips. “But this is cheating, for your information. All pouty faces and deer eyes and “you’re not paying me any attention” bullshit. You can’t fool me. I’m acceding to this voluntarily and against your dorky charms.”
Even smiled into the kiss and suddenly pulled Isak into a crushing hug.
“Well, you certainly didn’t see that coming, huh? Now I will never release you, you will be forced to hug me for all eternity. Dorky charms one, Isak’s supreme intelligence zero.”
Isak opened his mouth to complain, but decided that his arms were much more comfortable holding Even than they could ever be holding a book (was that even a choice?), so he surrounded Even with his own arms and rolled them around until Isak was on top of Even. He was about to keep the cuddle session going when something else caught his attention.
“Baby, why are you using a closed envelope as your mouse pad?” He looked again at Even with a smile, but his expression had instantly turned into one of pure horror. Isak stared at him in confusion and let him go to sit next to him. “Babe, what’s wrong?”
Even looked away for a second, but then sat up as well to imitate Isak’s posture. He frowned and opened his mouth to start speaking, but then again closed it and started fidgeting. Isak reached to his brow with a hand and softly caressed the frown away. He tenderly kissed his knuckles without breaking eye contact with Even.
“You don’t have to tell, but you know I’m here to listen whenever you feel up to it.”
And it was as simple as a smile and a quick kiss on the cheek for Even to breathe out all the air he was keeping. Isak laced their fingers together and guided Even to the edge of the bed, where he balanced his vegetables on his bent knees with one hand and kept holding onto Even’s hand with the other. Even let his head rest on his shoulder with a sigh and Isak resumed eating in silence. He hoped the sound of the fork against the dish was enough to keep Even’s thoughts anchored until he was ready to talk.
He had noticed something had been off with Even for the past week and had started to worry. But Even was still his usual self, he was sleeping well and taking his meds and communicating, so Isak had waited patiently, and would still wait until he was ready to talk.
But Even just reached for the closed envelope under his mouse once Isak finished eating and handed it to him without paying it a single look.
“It arrived a week ago,” he whispered.
Isak hummed and took a good look at the cream-coloured paper where their address was neatly written at the back of the envelope. When he turned it around he could see Even flinching from the corner of his eye, and he understood as soon as he read where the letter was coming from.
“Even…” he muttered. “Oh, baby, it’s okay.”
Isak dropped the closed paper on the mattress and turned around to take a proper look at the love of his life. Even was worrying his lips but he couldn’t take his eyes off Isak.
“I couldn’t bring myself to open it.”
And his voice sounded so small, so fragile, that Isak’s heart broke all over. He held Even tight and rubbed a hand through his back with soothing circles.
Even had been applying to different filmmaking schools. He had spent months on a new portfolio, had worried too much about insignificant details and kept worrying too much about the answers he would get. The first two letters that arrived were rejection letters, and though they weren’t Even’s favourite choices, the rejections definitely took a toll on the boy. And now, resting on the mattress, was Even favourite school’s answer, and Even had been keeping it silent (and closed) for a week.
“That’s fine,” he whispered to his neck. “You don’t have to be ready. But, Even, you are much more than an acceptance or rejection letter. You are so much more than that, and if this is not the one, another one is going to be so. And then if that’s not the one either you will find a way to find your path, because you’re great at that.”
“I know,” Even hummed and Isak couldn’t help to smile despite everything.
“Don’t “I know” me, babe.” Isak distanced himself from Even’s arms enough to be able to look him in the eye. “We both know how fake that is. Unbelievable,” he added wiggling his brows so ridiculously that it brought a smile to Even’s worried expression.
“I hate it that you know me so well,” he sighed.
“Well, I also hate it that you know me so well. Why didn’t you tell me, you dork?”
Even pouted and he looked so cute that Isak had to restraint himself from showering him with pecks all over his face, all his composure to hell.
“You were so stressed about your finals, I didn’t want to add more worry to it.”
Isak stared at him in disbelief, chest all warm and eyes all soft and smile all sweet, but there was still something akin to indignation. Loving themselves was still a pending subject, and though they were definitely getting better at it, self-carelessness still had its most suspicious ways to get to them.
“You know, you don’t have to go through a week of stress and anxiety just because you put my well-being before yours. You go first, baby, you are the first thing you should be taking care of.”
And Even looked at him with such a look that Isak, for a second, felt as if he were a star, as if Even were a planet orbiting around him, keeping him company, and Isak was providing him with light and warmth in exchange. So Isak made sure he looked at Even the same way. They both were the stars of their lives.
“But as a mouse pad, really? Couldn’t you have thought of something better?” Isak added when enough minutes had passed and Even had calmed down. Even burst out laughing and sighed loudly once he stopped.
“I panicked and didn’t really know what to do with it.”
“You’re the worst.”
“I am, right?” he smiled and Isak nodded.
Isak picked up the envelope from the bed and left it on Even’s lap.
“Baby,” he whispered kneeling in front of Even, “you have so many paths in front of you and this is only one of them. It’s not the end. You’re still going to be the best filmmaker that the world has ever known.”
Even focused on the letter on his lap for a moment before looking up and meeting Isak’s gaze with clear blue eyes and enough certainty for Isak to know things were going to be fine.
“Will you be my muse for all eternity?”
“Will you let me?”
“You already know the answer.”