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“Akko…” Diana said tiredly.
“Hey, this isn’t my fault!” Akko insisted. “I mean, how was I supposed to know the door would lock behind us?”
“It said so on the sign. The sign on the door.”
Akko paused. “Oh. Well...it wasn’t a big enough sign, then!”
Diana sighed, before pulling out her wand and conjuring up the map again. When she’d asked Akko for help cleaning out one of the school’s unused floors, she had expected it to be a relatively boring day. In retrospect, she didn’t know why she’d thought this. Time spent with Akko was rarely boring. “It looks like this room was sealed off because of a curse cast by a student. Apparently by the time it was discovered, it was too powerful to lift.”
“A curse?” Akko said in disbelief. “Jeez. Why didn’t they put a lock on the door, instead of just a stupid sign?”
“I agree; it was quite negligent,” Diana said absently, studying the floating, glowing map. “The curse itself isn’t too dangerous. It simply keeps the door sealed until a certain condition is met.”
“Oh. Okay,” Akko said, shrugging. “So...what do we have to do?”
“That’s what I’m attempting to discern. It seems the curse only triggers when two people enter the room. So, I imagine we will both have to do something to be released.” Diana squinted, trying to make out the tiny words. “It looks like the affected couple have to-” she broke off, rubbing her eyes.
“What’s up?” Akko asked curiously.
“Oh, I-I think I simply misread that section,” Diana said with a nervous smile. “I’ll make it bigger.” She waved her wand, and the map expanded to the size of a poster. “Much better! ‘In order to escape the room, the affected couple must...consummate...their...relationship.’” Diana stared at the words, as if they were in another language, before she blushed violently.
Akko wasn’t much better. “Uh….” she said unintelligibly. “Is there...another way out?”
“...There must be!” Diana said frantically, dismissing the map. “I-I am certain that we can lift the curse by other means. Let me see what I can think of.”
Several hours later, Diana let her wand drop to her side.
“Anything?” Akko asked hopelessly.
“...No,” Diana said curtly, coming to sit next to Akko. The room’s only furniture was a single bed. A detail which had seemed strange at first, before the nature of the room had become apparent. “I have tried every counterspell I can recall. None, so far as I can tell, have had any effect.”
“But-I mean, people will come looking for us. Right?”
“Yes. Though It may be some time before they do,” Diana said with a sigh. “Perhaps a day. Or two.”
“Jeez,” Akko said with a sigh of her own. “I’m already feeling hungry. And bored.”
“Well, perhaps this will serve as a good lesson not to charge into strange rooms,” Diana said sternly. “Or drag me into them.”
Akko rubbed the back of her head. “Yeah...this is my fault,” she said, looking down. “Sorry, Diana.”
Diana opened her mouth, before closing it again awkwardly. She hated making Akko feel bad. Which was ironic, considering how often she seemed to do that. Sometimes, she wondered why Akko even wanted to be friends with her.
They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, before Akko cleared her throat. “Hey Diana,” she said hesitantly. “I know it sounds crazy, but maybe we should just...do it.”
Diana’s head snapped around to stare at Akko. Her mouth opened several times without anything coming out before she managed to speak. “I...what!?!”
“Yeah, I know! Just, hear me out!” Akko said hastily, holding up her hands. “Yeah, it would be really embarrassing and awkward, but it’s not like it would be for real! It would just be to break the curse. We’d just have to do it once, and then we can go. Nobody else would even have to know.”
Diana could feel her face getting redder by the moment. Had-had Akko really just propositioned her? “Akko, I-we can’t, it’s-what!?!”
“I’m not saying it’s not a big deal!” Akko said earnestly. “It’ll be my first time, after all. But, if it's just for a spell, I don’t think it counts. So, I think we should just-”
“Absolutely not!” Diana said firmly, finally managing to regain some of her self-control. “Akko we- we can’t just do that sort of thing. There are rules about-and even if there weren’t, it’s-it’s immoral!”
“Because we are both girls?” Akko asked, hesitantly. “Does that bother you?”
“Because-no, Akko,” Diana said in a more gentle tone. “It’s not that that bothers me. It’s just...there is a proper way of doing these sorts of things. It should-it should only be with someone you love.”
Akko stared at the elegant witch thoughtfully. “Wow, Diana. I didn’t realize you were such a romantic.”
Diana fidgeted under the girl’s gaze. “Is that really so shocking?”
“No! Well, a little, I guess. You always seem so practical that I guess I’m surprised.” Akko bit her lip. “I guess-this will be your first time too, then?”
“Y-Yes. If we were going to do it. Which we are not!” Diana added insistently.
“C’mon, Diana!” Akko complained. “I don’t want to have to stay here! Look, you can wear a blindfold while we’re doing it.”
“What?!” Diana asked incredulously. “Why-why on earth would I do that?”
“So you don’t have to look at me?” Akko said with a nervous smile. “I mean, you could pretend I’m somebody way cooler. Like Shiny Chariot!”
Diana stared at Akko in bewilderment. Blindfolded sex... “Akko,” she said slowly. “I am not going to pretend to be in a romantic situation with Professor Callistis. Or with any teacher! Do you imagine yourself in such scenarios?”
“No! I mean, not anymore,” Akko said quickly. “I mean...I may have had a few dreams...why am I talking about this?” She shook her head. “Anyways, I haven’t had...that...kinda dream about Shiny Chariot in a while. Now my dreams are about-” She slapped her hands over her mouth.
Diana frowned. “About?”
“Ah, nothing!” Akko said with a very fake laugh. “I mean, it’s not like I imagined a situation exactly like this one! With you in it! That’d be crazy, right?”
“...Indeed,” Diana said shortly, looking away so the other girl wouldn’t see her face. Akko...had dreamed about being in a situation like this? With her? What did that mean? “In any case, it is out of the question. Surely you would want your first time to be with someone more important to you.”
Diana felt the bed shift. She turned, to find Akko scooting closer to her, until their legs were touching. “Diana,” she said quietly. “Who is more important to me then you?” She reached out and took her hand. “I mean, you help me with my classes all the time. You help me whenever I get in serious trouble. I mean, you helped me save magic! You help me all the time, even when I am nothing but trouble. I would understand if you didn’t want your first time to be with me, but-” Akko swallowed, visibly steeling herself before going on. “But-I would love for you to be my first. It would-it would make me very happy.”
Akko was quite red by the time she finished speaking. For her part, Diana’s face felt as though it was on fire. That-that had been a declaration of love! Hadn’t it? Akko had plainly stated that she wanted to sleep with her! How on earth was she supposed to process this? She knew that her feelings about Akko weren’t quite the same as her feelings about Hannah or Barbra. But...did she love Akko? Surely this was all going far too quickly!
Akko took a deep breath. “Please don’t hate me for this!” she said in a rush. Before Diana could react, she’d tackled her onto the bed, pinning her wrists to the sheets.
“Akko?” Diana asked, alarmed. The smaller girl had climbed on top of her! “Wha-what do you think you are doing? Get off me!” She attempted to buck her off, but was unsuccessful. Akko was quite strong for her size.
“We-we just have to ‘consummate’ our relationship, and then we can leave. Right?” Akko asked desperately. “So, we should just get it over with. Please?”
“Akko! We-we can’t just-” Diana stammered, utterly flustered. “This-this is-” She broke off, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. Be logical, be rational. What was the correct response to this situation?
They were trapped in a room. No one knew exactly where they were. There was an act they could perform which would release them. Akko was willing to perform this act. Akko’s eyes were a beautiful shade of red. Akko’s well-toned legs were wrapped around her. Akko was practically pleading to touch her. Diana could feel warmth spreading through her entire body.
Hmm. Perhaps “logical” was not the best way to describe this line of thought.
“...Alright,” Diana said in a faint voice.
“What?” Akko asked, bringing her face closer.
“I-I said alright,” Diana said, slightly louder. “If-if it is with you...we can do it.”
“...Really?” Akko asked hopefully.
“Yes,” Diana said more firmly.
“You’re sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure! Why are you so hesitant now?”
“Uh, well. I thought you’d say no,” Akko said sheepishly. “But...if you want to do it…”
“I do. To escape, that is!” Diana added quickly. “After all, there is no telling how long we might remain trapped here otherwise.”
“Y-yeah,” Akko said, grinning nervously. “Okay. So. I’m-I’m gonna do it. Are you ready?”
Diana took a deep breath. “I...believe so.”
Akko nodded jerkily, before slowly lowering her face toward her.
As far as first kisses went, this one seemed...good. Akko was obviously inexperienced, but it wasn’t as though Diana were some great expert. And what she lacked in technique, she certainly made up for with enthusiasm. It didn’t take long for Diana to forget the awkward situation they were in, and just enjoy the feeling of Akko’s lips against hers.
Eventually, Akko broke the kiss, giggling and out of breath. “Wow. You really are good at everything!” she said with a wide grin. “That-that was really fun!”
“...You were very good yourself,” Diana said, once she had caught her breath. Why had Akko stopped? Didn’t she realize they could still be kissing? “But come here. We’re just getting-”
“Hey! It didn’t work!” Akko complained, leaning up and staring at the door indignantly.
“What?” Diana asked, distracted.
“The curse! Shouldn’t it have been lifted?”
“The-yes, the curse!” Diana said, reminded of why they were doing this in the first place. “Akko, the curse won’t lift until we finish consummating our relationship. So-”
“But we did!” Akko said irritably. “We kissed!”
Diana stared up at Akko. “Akko,” she said slowly, a feeling of dread settling into her stomach. “What do you think ‘consummating’ means?”
“Kissing!” Akko said exasperatedly. “Like at weddings! You know, like how a bride kisses a groom to consummate their marriage?”
Diana felt numb. Akko...had been talking about kissing? “That’s-that’s not what consummating means,” she said dully. “The bride and groom don’t consummate their marriage during the ceremony. They consummate their marriage during their wedding night.”
Akko frowned. “At night? Why would they do it at-” She froze. “Wait. You mean-consummating means-”
“Having sex, yes,” Diana said distantly.
The blood drained from Akko’s face. “I-no! That wasn’t-Oh god! And I said-gah!” She clapped her hands over face. “Diana, I am so, so sorry! I thought-I thought that it meant kissing! I thought we were talking about our first kisses! I didn’t mean that we should-and I pinned you down! Gah!” She rocked back and forth, seemingly unaware of the fact that she was still on top of Diana. “Oh my god. I'm a total creep!”
Diana sighed. That...explained a lot. “It’s alright, Akko,” she said reassuringly. “I’m not angry with you. It was just a misunderstanding.”
“Why is English so confusing?!” Akko wailed, still rocking back and forth in a way Diana found quite distracting. “And-wait a second!” She stopped and uncovered her eyes, staring at Diana accusingly. “If-if you knew that consumating meant having sex, why did you say I could do it?!”
Diana averted her eyes. “I-well. I...decided that...performing such an action with you would not be...wholly undesirable,” she managed to get out.
Akko took a moment to process this, before her face reddened. “What?! Then-I mean-you’d be okay with me-”
“Yes,” Diana said firmly, turning her attention back to Akko. “Yes, I would be.”
“...Oh,” Akko said faintly. “Um. Wow!”
Diana sighed. “Now that dignity is injured beyond repair, would you please move? If we aren’t going to leave anytime soon, I should see about making the room more comfortable.”
Akko bit her lip. “Uh...do you...want me to?”
“Want you to what? Move?”
“No! I mean, uh. Do you...still want to...do it? Together?” Akko asked hopefully.
Diana’s heart skipped a beat. “...Are you willing to?”
“Umm,” Akko said with a nervous smile. “Yeah. I-I am.”
Diana cleared her throat. “Well then,” she said, as seriously as she could manage. “Akko. Please kiss me again.”
The excitable witch did not need to be asked twice.