Work Text:
Lumine was sure she was going to die, or at least be maimed to the point where she'd have to retire from adventuring and hope Aether managed to find her broken body in a hospital somewhere.
Somehow, she manages to catch herself on a stray outcropping... and so does he.
"Was this your plan to get me alone? Because you could have just asked, you know." He has the nerve to wink at her. Creep.
"What if I just stabbed you? Would that fit into your plan?" Lumine gripes, dangling off the side of a nearly unclimbable cliff with the last person she'd want to be dangling off the side of a nearly unclimbable cliff with.
"I'd improvise," The man in question pauses as he sees a hilichurl fly off the side of the cliff near them, an arc of electro no doubt caused by Razor lighting up it's path, "Adapt. Overcome. But you wouldn't, because I'm the only one who can get you degenerates into places teenagers and zombie children can't go, and I'm very good at bribing the authorities to look the other way when one of the members of your circus nearly causes a diplomatic incident."
Okay, so he has a point. But still- "First of all, you're one to talk about causing diplomatic incidents. Second, my entire left leg is still killing me from our super friendly weekly sparring sessions where we nearly kill each other for fun. It's your fault that we're hanging off the side of this cliff. I couldn't brace myself properly when that mitachurl hurled your entire body at me. Which is also your fault. Maybe you should dodge faster, arrow boy." It's just her luck that she wasn't attuned to geo today.
"I thought you were fine! Qiqi usually fixes you up great! And I was covering said undead toddler when I got caught by the shield!" Another boom and more hilichurl screams. Razor and little Qiqi were most likely mopping the floor with the remaining enemies. Any second now and they'd be there to help her off of this cliff with the weirdo who had decided to tag along occasionally. Just because she's the only one who can kick his ass doesn't mean that it's okay for him to just… assert himself into her party under the pretense of "I'm sure I'll get to fight insanely strong monsters when I'm with you". Not that he wasn't the most capable fighter there other than her. Or that he was totally useful outside a fight. Or that he was strange and macabre in a way that made her laugh more than it should.
"Qiqi's existence is confusing and a miracle in of itself, but she's not a miracle worker. You broke my leg. I'm still not super sure how magic works in Teyvat, but I don't think it's a cure-all." Why are they debating this now? Her arms are getting tired. It would really, really hurt to fall from this height. It might even be fatal. Would Childe even try to catch her? Or would that just be a convenient way to get rid of her? Mission accomplished, Tsaritsa!
He scoffs, "Okay, okay. So Qiqi isn't a magical- what was it?- adeptibeast who can fix every booboo. But if you can't dodge a me-shaped projectile, how will you dodge my arrows the next time we spar?"
Lumine has enough energy to reach over and smack him in the back of the head, "I wasn't trying to dodge you, asshole! I was trying to catch you!"
Childe actually pauses at that, seemingly unfamiliar with the concept of someone sticking their neck out for him. That almost makes her feel bad. Almost. Paimon chooses this moment to fly over to them, pointing emphatically to their location.
"See! Paimon told you they were fine! I'm sorry Qiqi, you aren't the new leader!" There's some shuffling, and a muttered "Qiqi thinks that Qiqi would be a good leader." Moments later, a rope is thrown down to them. Still a bit stunned, Childe oh-so-magnanimously offers her the rope first. Razor is freakishly strong for his lean frame, but he couldn't pull both of them up at once.
Once she's back on solid ground again there's a brief, guilty moment she considers leaving him there to fall. She'd have one less Fatui to worry about. One who knows where she sleeps and could stab her in the back at literally any time. He already has, once.
Even Qiqi had frowned and told Childe, "You almost destroyed Bubu Pharmacy. And all of Qiqi's cocogoat milk." and had given him such a glare that she thought Childe would freeze on the spot. She nearly had to wrestle Xiangling to the ground to stop her from chucking Guoba at him. Razor growled at him, but then again, Razor growls at most people. Her friends were not pleased with her decision to let him come along.
...And yet.
Lumine lowers the rope back down and helps Razor pull him up. She even reaches out her hand and tugs him back up over the edge herself. Teucer would be devastated if this jerk died, assuming he didn't survive with whatever bullshit he can pull with that delusion of his. She's beginning to cope with the fact that she might be a little sad too.
At least until he gathers his wits and speaks again, "Thanks for trying and failing very valiantly to save my life, girlie."
She hopes the rock she chucks at his head is a suitable rebuttal.