Work Text:
“Stop it,” Draco says. “Just stop, will you.” He sits down on the edge of the desk at the front of the classroom and looks down at his feed. “It’s not like it will change anything,” he whispers.
Harry signs and walks towards Draco. “But it does, doesn’t it?” he says. He takes Draco’s head in his hands and lifts it so they can look each other in the eye. “You can’t be with me and against me at the same time, Draco.”
“Why not?” Draco spits out. “Just because I said I love you, doesn’t mean I agree with your worldview.”
Harry shakes his head and brushes a hair from Draco’s face. “You think I would be with you if I believed for one second that you were loyal to that mark on your arm?” he asks. He doesn’t need an answer, they both know what that answer is.
“He has my mother,” Draco says is a soft voice. Harry smiles at him and then leans in. His lips gently brush against Draco’s mouth. “I can’t let her die because of this,” Draco continues when Harry rests his forehead against Draco’s.
“I know,” Harry answers. He doesn’t say anything about the tear that slips from Draco’s eye and slowly travels down his cheek. He just follows it with his eye and wishes he could just kill Voldemort now and be done with this. With the lying and the sneaking around, pretending to be hung up about Ginny dating other boys, pretending to have a crush on her to excuse his behaviour, his need for time alone, away from his friends, just so he can meet up with Draco and snug his face off.
“We can ask Dumbledore if the order can help, get her out of there,” Harry tries again.
“I’m not asking Dumbledore. I’m going to kill the man, not ask him to risk everything to save my mother,” Draco says.
“Will you stop pretending that you are still on Voldemort’s side of this war,” Harry snaps. He steps away from Draco and paces across the room. “You’re not going to kill Dumbledore, you won’t have to.”
“And will you stop sugar coating everything? The order is not going to risks anyone's life just to get my mother out of the manor. You and I both know that. So what choice does that give me? Do you truly think this stupid crush is more important than my mother?”
“I know I’m not. It’s not necessary for you to tell me again that this is all just a fluke, that you can’t get distracted by this, no matter how much you love me. It already hurts enough that you still treat me like dirt when others are around, I don’t need you to hurt me now.” Harry stops in front of a window and looks out over the grounds of Hogwarts. Sometimes he wonders what would have happened if Voldemort had never excised. What it would have been like to grow up with the love of his parents. Would he have rejected Slytherin then? Maybe he could have found out much sooner what an amazing person Draco is and that he’s worth fighting for no matter what. Not that Draco feels the same. Harry knows this. And no matter how much it hurts, it won’t stop him from coming back here and share these fleeting moments.
“It’s not a fluke,” Draco says.
Harry snaps his head around and looks at Draco. Draco looks straight at Harry and repeats his words. “This is not a fluke. I mend it when I just told you that I love you. Just because I’m not ready to switch sides in this war, doesn’t mean I didn’t mean them. Because I do. Harry, I mean them. I love you and, Salazar, I’m scared of what that means.”
New tears fall from Draco’s eyes and Harry rushes back to the desk. He rests his hands on Draco’s sides and leans in for another kiss. “I love you too,” he tells Draco.
“The Dark Lord wants to kill you,” Draco whispers. “And I don’t want you to die.”
Harry doesn’t know what to say. Every time he hints to Draco stepping fully to his side, he backs away. He wants to tell Draco again that he can’t love Harry and still fight against him. And that he will do everything in his power to keep Draco’s mother save. But all the words so far have been wrong. Ron once said that silence can be all someone needs to figure it out. And maybe he’s right. No matter how badly Harry wants to tell Draco he has to make a choice, maybe all he needs to do is show Draco how much he loves him until Draco is ready to make the choice all by himself.
“You’re quiet,” Draco says.
“I won’t push you,” Harry says.
Draco pulls Harry closer towards him and then lays his chin on Harry’s shoulder. “Thank you,” he says.
They just stand there, Harry embracing Draco. It’s more intimate than anything they have done before. Harry tries not to think about the task he has to do, or the task that Draco has been ordered to do. He tries to enjoy the feeling of holding the person he loves in his arms, but it’s hard.
“I’m scared too,” Harry says. “Scared of what is expected of me, scared of losing my friends, of putting the people I care about in danger. But most of all I’m scared of losing you.”
Draco sobs and he shivers in Harry’s arms. Harry holds Draco up with his arms as Draco cries against Harry’s shoulder.
Time passes and Harry doesn’t care that he’s late for dinner. Hermione and Ron will start looking for him. And Harry doesn’t want to worry them, but right now he’s precisely where he needs to be.
“Harry,” Draco says when his tears have died down. He lifts his head and looks Harry in the eyes. “You do realise that I’m about to give up everything my parents have ever thought to me?”
Harry nods his head and Draco closes his eyes before he speaks again. “For as long as I can remember I’ve been told that I’m special, that I’m better than others. Because of my blood and my name. But I’m not. I know that. Have known that for some time now. But I still believe our way of life needs to be protected. I hate it that traditions slip away because of half-bloods and muggle-borns who don’t understand them. It’s why I believed that the Dark Lord would make things better. He would protect our way of life. But he’s not, is he? He’s destroying it. Tainting it with blood and murder. Our way of life was never about destroying. It was about protecting our ways. And I don’t know how to protect them anymore.”
“You can teach them to me,” Harry says. “Your traditions. I would love for you to explain them. And I might not understand it all, I will try. I’ll help you protect the wizarding way of life. If you promise me that you will also try to see that not everything muggle is bad or wrong.”
Draco opens his eyes again and nods his head. “I can do that. But you might let Granger explain things to me, you’re a lousy teacher.”
“Not what I was told during the DA meetings,” Harry laughs.
“DA meetings?” Draco asks.
“The group I thought Defence when Umbridge wouldn’t.”
“So that is what you guys were up to. I always wondered what that was all about,” Draco says. He looks towards the window and signs. Then he turns back to Harry. “I think we need to talk to Dumbledore.”
A massive smile breaks out on Harry’s face. He leans in and kisses Draco again. “I’ll make sure he knows how important it is that we safe her,” he promises. Draco lets him take his hand and guide him out of the room towards Dumbledore’s office.