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Having a soulmate was natural. The only problem was every pair experienced the feeling differently. From the strings of fate, to feeling each other’s emotions, to denial and one remembering.
It was all different, yet it was all the same.
How were you supposed to know if you had a soulmate? Some could tell you, others would tell you to find out yourself. Some would actively choose to not seek out their soulmate, for better or for worse. Truly, finding your soulmate could be a hassle and not worth the effort.
For Izaya it was an honest mistake that had found his soulmate.
Looking at a mirror long enough would make it shimmer before he could see someone else through the glass. He had never experienced anything like it, being one of the few who had thought he didn’t have a soulmate out in the vast world. Of course, he wouldn’t have a soulmate. He loved all of humanity deeply and equally. It made sense to him that the humans he’s come to love would be his soulmate. Not a single person, but the entire concept of humanity itself.
Yet here he was, looking at them.
Ah, no it was only the trick of the eye. It wasn’t possible to see through a mirror and see someone else and if that was true, how was he supposed to know that this person was actually his soulmate?
It was hard to deny in the end, looking at them now. It was the person he hated the most.
Heiwajima Shizuo.
Izaya didn’t know how long he had been watching Shizuo through the mirror as he seemed to live almost calmly in his cramped apartment. Was that really how Shizuo lived? In a small place waiting for his cup of noodles to finish? A small tsk and Izaya is turning the mirror around, finding annoyance in the thought.
It wasn’t possible for Izaya to love a monster. A certain amount of distaste at the thought of it being his arch nemesis. And yet, why did it make sense?
Denial was easy. Denial was expected. Denial was exactly what he needed.
Sleeping it off would make the feeling disappear. Ignoring the way his heart seemed to ache made sense right now.
Shizuo could never be his soulmate.
How many months has it been since Izaya started to look through his mirror to see Shizuo? There were too many times where he had left messages of small endearment before leaving to think to himself how idiotic he was being. That’s right, he didn’t love Shizuo. He hated him. It’s how it’s supposed to be. Then why…
Why did he want to connect to the one thing he was supposed to hate the most? Why did he want to see Shizuo’s stupid smile and the dumb way he would sit wait for him to wait for his noodle cup to finish when he could put it in the microwave?
Izaya brought a hand to his face as he leaned back against his swivel chair. Shizuo would never notice. He knew it. It would be one-sided so he should just kill these emotions already. There was no point for them to exist other than the hate he felt for Shizuo. That’s right, he should only hate the monster he hopes to create one day.
“You hate Heiwajima Shizuo, don’t you?”
Ah, it was Namie’s voice. Izaya couldn’t help himself from the smirk as he turned his swivel chair around, “That’s right, and I want to kill him. I have a new plan just for it.”
Namie kept her face even, choosing to express no interest now as she crossed her arms over her chest, “Right, and this is what? Plan 37 that will surely fail?”
“Now, now Namie, do you not have any faith in me?”
“No, I don’t. If you actually wanted him dead you would have done it a long time ago.”
Izaya simply shook his head then, waving a hand as if to dismiss her, “It takes time, after all. With his absurdly unpredictable nature, what else do you expect from a monster like that?”
A soft hum came out of Namie, “Whatever, I’m leaving.”
He would have said something snarky as Namie left, but he was unable to find it in himself when he looked at the small mirror by his desk.
Why was it cracked?
It couldn't be real.
Why did he have to see that bastard in his mirror? He couldn’t hear what he was saying but the way he looked-- It pissed him off.
There was no way someone like Orihara Izaya would leave a message that was sweet, soft... It just didn’t make sense. Izaya wasn’t soft or sweet. He was sharp and able to get out of situations like the rat that he was.
If only Shizuo didn’t look too hard in the mirror when he read the message. He wouldn’t be faced with the truth that he was blissfully unaware of for months.
Of course, it was strange he would get small messages written on his mirrors. He may not have been the smartest but even he understood that mirrors reflect and things would be written backward. Sure, it took him a few weeks to figure out that it wasn’t just scribbles of seemingly random strings of words.
Maybe he should have realized sooner:
So small…
Do you eat anything other than noodles?
How... Was work for you?
You can always trust me
Oh, I see. Someone you hate made you angry again?
Why do you hate them so much, anyway?
You should write more often to me, you know?
I'm always on the other side of the mirror after all
Even someone like you lives a normal life? How funny
He couldn’t help but think back on the few messages that disappeared after a short while. Was it really Izaya that wrote those things?
Denial was easy. Shizuo knew this. It was easy for him to believe it was some prank, but then how in the hell did Izaya pull this off? How did Shizuo never notice someone was watching him?
Out of his own frustration, he punched the glass.
Denial was evident as he paced around his small living room in circles like some caged up wild animal. Small growls came out of him as he tried to process this whole thing that had been going on for months.
What all has Izaya even seen? How often had Izaya watched him?
Was it possible for someone like him, Heiwajima Shizuo, to have a soulmate? Why must the cruel faith of the universe make the person he hates the most his soulmate? What kind of sick lesson was this? Shizuo scratched his head, finding the frustration was beginning to build and wanted to be unleashed again.
There was nothing to learn. Was there?
Shizuo grabbed his coat and headed outside, uncaring of how loudly he slammed his door as he stalked off into the city, lighting a cigarette as he began to head to the one place he could think of to get answers.
It wasn’t right.
Izaya couldn’t understand how it was possible for the mirror to be cracked like this when he hadn’t looked into it recently. No, no that wasn’t true. He had looked at it before he spoke to Namie.
Why were his hands shaking as he looked at his shattered reflection? Was this an omen? Ah, no of course not. Who would believe such silly superstitions?
If it wasn’t anything silly like that then… Had Shizuo figured it out? Was the painful truth that he didn’t want to accept going to come out and force him to face the reality of it all?
Izaya stood up then. He couldn’t stay here if Shizuo had even a small glimmer of the truth.
It was easy for Izaya to run away as he reached for his coat then he was at his door.
That’s right. It was impossible for him to love a monster, let alone be anything like a soulmate. What a stupid thing to believe in. Even if… It was so obvious that soulmates were true. It was undeniable.
How many stories had he heard of people talking about their soulmate and how they met? Mentally, Izaya shook his head.
No, erase that. Don’t remember all of the small moments. There was nothing to cherish.
Nothing to hold onto.
Why did his heart feel so desperate? It was far too fragile for this kind of thing.
It hurt to even begin to think of the rejection he would face if he were to ever cross paths with Shizuo.
Without thinking Izaya opened his door only for his eyes to widen. His heart seemed to stop as he saw the one thing he never wanted to see. Shizuo.
If Izaya had looked a second longer, he would have seen the way Shizuo seemed to have been just as shocked as he was.
“Iz-”
Immediately, Izaya tried to close the door as Shizuo put his foot between the door and it’s frame.
Damn it.
The monster pressed his hand against the door then. It didn’t take much force for him to open the door, despite the protesting of Izaya pressing against it to keep it closed in vain.
With the door wide open, Izaya jumped back, withdrawing his trusted pocket knife. “Shizu-chan, to what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you here?”
He was waiting for the angry retaliation, but it didn’t come as Shizuo pocketed his hands.
“I saw you through the mirror.”
It was such simple words. Words that Izaya had hoped Shizuo wouldn’t have said. With a soft ‘tsk’ Izaya spoke, “Oh yeah? What about seeing me through it?”
Shizuo’s brow furrowed, trying to find the words as he continued to see how defensive Izaya was. He may not have been watching Izaya through the mirror for months like they had but he couldn’t find it in himself to get angry. Izaya had a side to him he had never seen.
“Were you the one leaving those messages?” He spoke, stepping toward Izaya as Izaya stepped backward.
“What are you talking about?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. 99% of everything that happens is because of you.”
Izaya laughed. Right, everything was his fault, wasn’t it? Even if that wasn’t the truth. With his lower back bumping against his desk, he put his hands on the edge of the desk as if to display a nonchalant stance. He raised a hand to put over his chest, feigning hurt, “Do you really believe that everything I do is my fault, Shizu-chan? What about that 1%?”
Shizuo couldn’t help the soft growl emit from his throat as his eyes narrowed as he looked at their stupid face. That stupid face that had probably seen too much. His natural first instinct would have been to hit them, but he didn’t. Instead, Shizuo got closer, putting his hands on Izaya’s desk to seemingly trap the other. “If I ever believed in that 1% I wouldn’t be here right now.”
Izaya softly tsk’ed him, as if disappointed, despite how now, he found himself in a dangerous situation. It would be easy for Shizuo to crush him. Ah…
He didn’t want for that to happen.
He couldn’t bring himself to look at Shizuo, wanting to ignore such an annoying feeling in his heart.
He couldn’t face the truth that was right in front of him.
How easily it all seemed to make sense now that they were in the same room.
Reflections of each other? How stupid. What a stupid relevation when what he really needed was a plan of escape.
“Believe me, Shizu-chan, I had nothing to do with it and if I did you would have known already, wouldn’t you?”
Shizuo’s intuition was telling him that Izaya was lying. He had to be. In his own hesitation he took his hands back. “But I saw you… Who else could it have been?”
Izaya gave a shrug as he finally moved away from his desk, putting distance between himself and Shizuo. “A monster like you having any semblance to a soulmate? Don’t make me laugh.”
Izaya saw the way Shizuo seemed to stiffen at the sharp words and how his own heart hurt as he said it.
Shizuo almost made it too easy for him to leave. If Izaya knew anything, Shizuo wasn’t going to do anything in his apartment as he walked away. Shizuo may have been unpredictable and a beast, but Izaya had seen a side to him that he had never seen before.
What was Shizuo going to do now? He couldn’t stop thinking about how he knew it was Izaya in the mirror. There was no way he could have been mistaken, right? He wanted to stop the other from leaving, but he couldn’t find the strength to turn around and grab him. Not after what he had said.
It hurt his heart in a way he wasn’t used to. No one hurt him as much as Izaya could, but why did it feel like Izaya was in complete denial?
He listened to the steps of their feet, hearing how they left without much of a word. Shizuo took in a deep breath as he looked up at the ceiling, really. This was pointless, wasn’t it? Was his hopes for true love being toyed with?
The universe really was a cruel thing. A soft bitter laugh as he finally looked down again. All hope was almost lost until he saw a shattered mirror. He reached for it to examine.
It didn’t add up. How did Izaya have a broken mirror? He didn’t seem like the type to give into being physical unless it was with his weapon of choice.
That only meant….
He dropped it as he turned around to go after Izaya.
It was true. They were soulmates, right? It really was Izaya that he saw in his mirror.
When he got outside, Izaya was nowhere to be seen.
Where did he go?
Despite the desperation, Shizuo slammed his hands against the guard rail, denting it in the process.
“I...za-ya!” He yelled, unable to think of where in the world Izaya could have gone.
Shizuo knew what he had to do. He knew it was going to be tedious, annoying and frankly it shouldn’t be worth the effort with how angry and frustrated he was going to become.
He felt a part of his heart was glad for their ability to see each other through mirrors.
He would have to convince Izaya they were soulmates.