Work Text:
I.
"Catch!” Jeongyeon turned just in time to be greeted smack dab by a rubber ball in the middle of her face. She took a step back to balance herself and instinctively put her hands up to protect her face (a few milliseconds too late, but her reflexes were never that good). The books she held in her arms dropped to the floor, papers scattering and pages getting crumpled. She managed to grab the ball as it rolled off her face, using one hand to check for nosebleeds or split lips.
As she struggled to recalibrate herself, she heard the distinct halting laugh of her supposed best friend. She threw her head back and screamed in frustration. “You fucking asshole!” The laughing was getting closer and she didn’t need to open her eyes to know Jaebum was now in front of her, bent over with the effort of containing his laughs.
With a groan Jeongyeon snapped her head back, and swung her arm back, prepared to hit the idiot as hard as she could. As she swung, Jaebum quickly took a step to the side, effectively missing Jeongyeon’s fist. Unfortunately, the force of her swing was too strong for her to control and as her arm swung wildly, she snagged on another object.
The object was Im Nayeon, the most beautiful girl Jeongyeon had ever laid her eyes on. Of course, this beautiful girl was also related to the dumbass currently howling with laughter at the wild turn of events. Nayeon’s bag went flying off her shoulder just as Jeongyeon swayed to try and stop the momentum of her swing.
“Man, you could legit try out for boxing,” Jaebum gasped while catching his breath. “If only you had any semblance of coordination.” He let out a satisfied sigh and wiped his tears. Behind him, Nayeon was shaking her head as she bent down to pick up her bag and some on Jeongyeon’s scattered papers.
“Holy crap Nayeon I am so sorry!” Jeongyeon turned beet red, grateful for the excuse of picking their things up to avoid catching her the older girl’s eyes. “I think it was pretty clear I was aiming for your brother and not you.” She tried to chuckle but ended up sounding like she was choking and she was forced to cough to clear her throat.
Nayeon, who was not only drop dead gorgeous on the outside but also a genuinely nice person, simply smiled and put one hand on Jeongyeon’s shoulder to steady herself as she stood up. “Please, you say that like it’s my first time being a witness to this,” she grinned, exposing her world renowned bunny teeth (well, world renowned to one person).
Jeongyeon looked up at her, heart swelling at the view. She is the physical embodiment of the sun. Behind Nayeon’s head, the actual sun was shining down brightly, crowning her head in some sort of halo. Her face was framed by the tall evergreens that surrounded the neighborhood they were in. Her smile glowed. She wasn’t against the light. She was the light. Jeongyeon took a mental snapshot because she wasn’t brave enough to take a real one.
Jaebum cleared his throat, reminding everyone of his presence. At the sound, Jeongyeon’s mind was brought back to reality and she hastily got up, clutching the books and papers that were no doubt crumples. But that was a problem for future Jeongyeon. Presently, Jeongyeon was aware of the flush in her cheeks and the sound of her heart pounding.
She fixed a hard stare at Jaebum, trying to hold in her smile when she saw the boy’s face looking really flustered and a little sheepish. “If you buy me bread later, we can forget this whole thing,” she told him haughtily.
He ran his hands over his messy mullet (that he only got after he lost a bet with her) and sighed, pretending to be exasperated. “Okay, okay,” he replied, feigning surrender. He raised his fist, knuckles facing Jeongyeon. Their sign for Let’s move on whenever they did one of these pranks and jokes on each other. She knocked it back, rolling her eyes. They’ve never actually gotten mad at each other, although there were moments with an electric sort of tension, one that felt like it was nearing explosion. But because he was Jaebum and she was Jeongyeon and they were bros for life, they never discussed it and it became one of those things you ignore and hope it goes away.
It never did, but now isn’t the time.
It was Nayeon that cleared her throat this time. “Okay love birds, I really don’t want to be late so maybe we can go?” She was already walking ahead.
Jeongyeon yelled protests, saying he was her bro and she would literally rather eat her own vomit. Nayeon laughed and pulled the younger girl, urging her to walk faster. Neither of them noticed Jaebum staring at them with a confused look, wondering why this felt weird and why Jeongyeon’s words stung.
II.
It was world history, Jaebum’s most detested subject. The teacher droned on and on about wars, unaware of the current war Jaebum was fighting with sleep. He looked out the window beside him at the school garden, letting his brain drift with the clouds above.
He was in the middle of an intense internal debate on whether or not that one cloud looked like an elephant or a pile of nothing when he heard his name being called. He snapped to attention, aware that the whole class, including Jeongyeon was looking at him expectantly.
“Yes, Mr. Im?” Mr. Park asked again. “You seemed really deep in thought, it makes one assume that you are deeply invested in this topic. So, care to share some thoughts?”
Jaebum was standing up now, looking like the proverbial deer in headlights. He was so lost he didn’t even know what time period they were at now. Desperate, he turned his eyes to Jeongyeon, wild with an unspoken question. Jeongyeon smirked but mouthed, “CLEOPATRA MARK ANTONY OCTAVIA”. The famous love triangle that managed to bring down the roman empire. Jaebum remembers encountering something about that at one point in his life.
“Let me make it simple for you,” Mr. Park spoke again, frowning at the class. “What’s one lesson you can take from the whole affair?”
Jaebum racked his brain for something, anything, to say. “Uh,” he started, looking around the room for anyone to possibly save him. His eyes landed on Jeongyeon, as usual, but his friend was just looking at him with pity while also trying not to laugh at him. “Don’t snake your friends?” He answered with a shrug, giving Mr. Park a sheepish grin.
Mr. Park hmmm-ed noncommittally. “I think you’re thinking of Ceasar,” he stated, already turning to the board, “but at least you’re in the right era this time.” With that, he continued the lesson.
Jeongyeon gave him a weird look before turning back to the board. He didn’t understand what she meant by it, but somehow it was ingrained in his brain.
III.
“So he said something stupid about snaking friends,” Jeongyeon shared over lunch, voice muffled by the fullness of her mouth. “And Mr. Park was basically just like ‘uh ok dude’.”
“Jesus, can you swallow your food?” Jaebum asked, annoyed that they were mocking him and disgusted at the sight of Jeongyeon talking while her mouth was overflowing with lettuce. “You’re literally making me lose my appetite.”
They were in their usual spot outside the school, under the big tree in the garden where most of the seniors and juniors ate. Beside Jaebum, Jinyoung chuckled in that low way of his, eyes crinkling at the expense of his friend. “Sucks your class was full when I got to picking my sched,” he told them. “It would’ve been fun seeing your prof pick on little baby Jaebum here while his little baby head is in the clouds.” He ruffled Jaebum’s hair affectionately, much to Jaebum’s chagrin.
“Cut it off or I’ll cut it off!” He exclaimed, puffing his chest up to make himself look bigger. Both Jeongyeon and Jinyoung laughed at his ridiculous attempt to look tough. They both knew that despite his intimidating resting bitch face, the boy would not hurt a fly (pranks of course notwithstanding).
Jinyoung let out a sigh, laying his head on his arm as he looked up at the people surrounding them. One of them caught his eye and he turned noticeably crimson. He suddenly sat up, surprising Jeongyeon who was busy ignoring the boys as she ate. She looked at where Jinyoung was focused on. A slow, teasing grin formed on her lips.
“Heyyy, it’s Bae Suzy,” she teased, poking Jinyoung in the ribs. He tried to avoid his fingers but he couldn’t remove his gaze from the titular Bae Suzy. Her long hair was falling in cascading waves, carelessly thrown over her shoulder, her smile so clear even from halfway across the garden. She was sitting on the benches next to her friends. There were versions of a Suzy in every high school, popular, pretty, some of them smart but that wasn’t always a requirement. The type of girl everyone flocked to, girls wanted to be her and boys wanted her and gays pined over her. Jinyoung, as smart as he was with his straight A grades, straight cut non-party going attitude, was a teenage boy like them all and even he wasn’t immune to Suzy’s smile.
Well, one teenage boy was immune. Jaebum scowled at the group of girls the moment he saw Suzy’s best friend, his older sister. Nayeon sat with them, throwing her head back and laughing whenever they laughed. Her hair was now held back with a checkered hair band, making her look like the Heather she was. She played the part of a queen bee to a tee but Jaebum knew her well enough to see the tell-tale signs of boredom. The smile that didn’t quite reach the eyes, the gaze that seemed empty. He knew her sister liked Suzy but didn’t care much for being the center of attention.
Nayeon looked around aimlessly before landing on the trio under the tree. Immediately, her face lit up and she waved at them. Her brother and Jinyoung waved back but Jeongyeon was partly hidden by the boys. Feeling restless at the attention of these typical jocks, she grabbed Suzy’s arm and started to march over to the tree. Suzy hastily waved at the jocks and murmured a half-assed apology for her best friend’s behavior.
“What’s up?” She let Nayeon drag her across the garden.
“Bored.” Nayeon said simply.
When they got to the tree, Nayeon immediately plopped down without much grace and leaned on Jeongyeon, grabbing food from her plate. Jeongyeon, of course, didn’t protest but she noticeably ate slower and stuffed less food in her mouth than before. If the boys noticed, they didn’t say anything.
Suzy let herself down with more grace, right in between Jaebum and Jinyoung. “Jaebumie!” She said in a sing-song voice, pouting. “Aren’t you gonna give me some of your strawberry milk?” Normally, nobody could resist a pouting Suzy, as shown by Jinyoung stiffening beside her, tips of his ears hot red, but Jaebum saw Suzy as more of a sister. She was after all, Nayeon’s best friend.
Jaebum grunted and turned away, ignoring her completely, knowing that would drive Suzy insane with annoyance. Sure enough, Suzy grumbled and literally pushed him away from her. She then turned to Jinyoung, who was putzing around with the grass to avoid eye contact. “What about you, Jinyoungie?”
Jinyoung could tell all eyes were on him, forcing him to look up. He turned to Suzy, cleared his throat once. Twice. And wordlessly handed his strawberry milk over to her, straw and all. She squealed as if he has given her something more special than the free drink they hand over at the canteen and bumped her shoulder with his in gratitude. Without wiping or removing the straw, Suzy took a sip as the other resumed their conversation about whatever gossip was floating in the school, not noticing that Suzy too was turning a light shade of pink.
Later, Jinyoung would realize they had inadvertently shared an indirect kiss.
IV.
Jeongyeon was, like most nights, over at the Im residence. Her parents worked late hours and ever since her sister went off to college, she was mostly alone during dinner time. Once Jaebum learned of this, he made a permanent offer to have Jeongyeon over for dinner whenever she was alone. He knew she couldn’t cook for shit.
(“No, Jeong, boiling water for cup noodles is not cooking,” he chastised. “Plus think of all the MSG and Sodium you’re putting in your body,” he added, as if he himself was the peak of physical health.)
This also meant that every night, she would have to sit next to Nayeon, their elbows occasionally brushing as they ate. She wondered if Nayeon felt the wave of electricity tingling her body whenever that happened, or whenever Nayeon leaned over her to get food, causing her to catch a whiff of her vanilla-scented hair. She wondered if everyone could hear the butterflies flying in her stomach whenever Nayeon put her hand on Jeongyeon’s knee as she laughed at some joke Jaebum made. Sometimes, those butterflies were so loud it drowned her thoughts and she would have to force a smile and hope nobody noticed.
Mostly she wondered what cosmic injustice she committed for the universe to make her fall in love with her best friend’s sister.
V.
She has known Jaebum for longer than she hasn’t. From the time they first met in school after they bonded over their favorite anime, they’ve been inseparable. In fact, both her parents and his have probably already had thoughts of their marriage. They were just that close. And through those times, Nayeon has also been in her life for just as long by extension. But back then, Jeongyeon just saw her as Jaebum’s older sister. Sometimes she’d play with them, humoring their make believe space fantasies and or being player 2 whenever one of them died the video game they were playing. When Nayeon turned 16, she was allowed to drive the car and they often took late night drives to get ice cream from a convenience store, Nayeon and Jaebum in the front and Jeongyeon in the backseat. Nobody really knew when it all changed, but it did.
Jeongyeon and Jaebum were no longer allowed to sleep over in each others room. Nayeon would barely spare them a glance when they were having one of their intense discussions on whether or not soups were a drink or whatever. And for the longest time, it was just like that. Soon, the player 2 in video games filled in by Jinyoung. Soon, the front seats were occupied by Jinyoung and Jaebum, the former being more trustworthy with cars than the latter. This was fine, for a while. Jeongyeon never spared Nayeon another thought. After all, she had an older sister and she acted distant too before leaving for college.
It changed one afternoon when Jeongyeon arrived at the Im’s house before Jaebum. It was another day where Jaebum had falled asleep in class and was given detention. Jinyoung, who sometimes joined the siblings and Jeongyeon for dinner, waited in school for him as he too had a student council meeting. Jeongyeon was used to being in Jaebum’s house without him so she settled on the sofa and scrolled through her Twitter feed, chuckling occasionally. She heard footsteps coming down the stairs and looked up, preparing to say hi to his mother but instead seeing Nayeon. Her normally neat hair was disheveled and she was in a baggy shirt. Her eyes were half-closed and it was clear she had just woken up.
“Oh hi,” she greeted Jeongyeon warmly. This was surprising because lately, it seemed Nayeon barely acknowledged her existence (to be fair, it wasn’t just hers, it was also Jaebum’s and Jinyoung’s). “Didn’t expect to see you here.” She walked past her in the living room into the kitchen. Jeongyeon felt somewhat compelled to watch her, she didn’t really understand why. She had always found Nayeon pretty in the detached, objective way like how people feel about celebrities they aren’t necessarily attracted to but could admit were attractive. But there was something about seeing Nayeon in this natural state after not seeing her for so long that held her attention.
In the kitchen, Nayeon was completely unaware of her effect on Jeongyeon. She reached up at the cupboard to grab one of her tea bags, stretching so high her shirt rode up, exposing a sliver of milky flesh. Jeongyeon immediately blushed and looked away, but she couldn’t really explain why. It’s not like she was thinking of anything weird. But something about looking at Nayeon and her skin that wasn’t meant to be exposed just felt almost wrong.
She was brought out of her trance by Nayeon’s voice asking if she wanted tea. She said no. After a few minutes in the kitchen, Nayeon walked over to the living room and surprised them both by settling on the same sofa as Jeongyeon. Jeongyeon cocked her head and looked at her quizzically. Nayeon shrugged, a lazy smile tugging her lips.
“I don’t feel like being alone.” She never explained further than that.
Outside, the sun started to set. The two sat in comfortable silence, their socked feet lightly touching. Jeongyeon would sneak peeks at Nayeon over her phone, heat enveloping her body whenever their eyes met. They sat in silence until the loud voice of Jaebum laughing with Jinyoung filled the house. Jeongyeon jumped up before the boys entered the living room, feeling as if she was caught doing something wrong. They continued on with their night after that, the three of them joking around as usual while Nayeon quietly retired back to her room without a second glance. But not before she lightly pressed her palm on Jeongyeon’s head.
That night, surrounded by the dim light of the star stickers she and Jaebum attached up on her ceiling, Jeongyeon realized two major things. One, she was gay. Two, she was in love with her best friend’s sister.
VI.
Jaebum wasn’t blind. Sure, they all liked to joke that he was dumb or just an immature prankster but they knew that those were jokes. Jaebum was perceptive, more than anyone ever gave him credit for. Jinyoung, he knew, had a giant crush on Suzy. Most boys in the school did, but Jaebum knew Jinyoung wasn’t most boys. For one, he was extremely shy around girls. It took him months to be close to Jeongyeon, and only because he eventually saw her more as a bro. He still hasn’t gotten over his shyness with Nayeon. Jaebum also knew Jinyoung wasn’t the type of guy to take everything at face value. Whatever he felt for Suzy, there was definitely an emotional reason for it beyond her pretty face, but the pretty face didn’t hurt things. Jaebum noticed the way Jinyoung turned beet red around Suzy, he saw how despite his shyness, Jinyoung would never fail to offer Suzy a ride home. Whenever they were all together, Suzy never needed to carry her own books or open doors herself.
Jaebum knew Suzy felt the same about Jinyoung. The normally outgoing, assertive girl became almost childish in her actions with Jinyoung, like the typical playground “the more you tease the more you love” way kids tend to express their emotions. It was almost amusing to Jaebum, seeing these two fall for each other, pining for each other not knowing the feeling was mutual. If something were to ever happen between them, Suzy needed to be the one to initiate it.
Another thing Jaebum wasn’t blind to was the way his best friend looked at his sister. He wasn’t blind to Jeongyeon suddenly being withdrawn whenever Nayeon was close to her. He wasn’t blind to how often Jeongyeon glanced at Nayeon whenever they were together. He wasn’t blind to how she seemed to visibly perk up at the mere mention of Nayeon’s name. He certainly wasn’t blind to how she stiffened whenever Nayeon initiated any form of skinship with her. He wasn’t blind to all these things but he wondered how in the world Nayeon still was.
Thinking about it made Jaebum uncomfortable, a gnawing feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. He attributed it to thinking that both girls were his family. He thought the discomfort he felt was because he didn’t want to be left out. More than once, he tried to confront Jeongyeon about it, the words making his mouth too dry to continue every time.
(“Hey Jeong,” he would start, every time. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.” And every time, Jeongyeon would stop whatever she was doing, shocked by the seriousness in her best friend’s voice. But every time, he would chicken out. “Just kidding! You should have seen your freaking face!” He would exclaim, forcing himself to laugh. Jeongyeon would hit him and call him an idiot.)
He figured he just didn’t want to change the dynamic between them all. And if Jeongyeon really wanted to, she’d probably tell him. But he never thought about whether he wanted Jeongyeon to tell him. He never really thought about how many times in a day he’d catch himself thinking of his best friend. He never thought about how her laugh sounds different to his ears now, despite it not actually changing.
For all the things Jaebum could see, there was one thing he was blind to. Jaebum was completely blind to his growing feelings for Jeongyeon.
VII.
Graduation for the seniors was close approaching. It was something the group never really discussed. School had been canceled for the day after an inspection found some form of plumbing leak that they needed to fix right away. Since none of them really wanted to go home, Suzy suggested they drive to the beach and have a picnic. They’d take Jinyoung’s car, since he was the only one actually driving to and from school as everyone else just walked or took a bus, stop by 7-11 and buy a bunch of junk food. They all agreed and set on their way, laughing and joking in the way teenagers do, unaware that this afternoon would bring a change in their dynamic.
They blasted songs on the way, windows down, Jaebum and Jeongyeon sticking their heads out of the window singing at the top of their lungs while Jinyoung scolded them to come back it, also laughing. Suzy was in the front seat beside him, using her phone as a microphone, singing to him like it was her concert. Nayeon sat in the back, in between the two crazies sticking their heads out, grabbing onto both of their shirts with a hand each just in case, eyes closed and hitting high notes. This moment would forever be etched in their minds, a golden moment that they all wanted to freeze and come back to over and over again.
They arrived on the beach, a pile of giggles, wrapped around each other, arms linked together. Suzy held Jinyoung’s hand and shared a secret smile with him, for once they met each others’ eyes and something unspoken went on between them. Jaebum slung one arm each on Jeongyeon and Nayeon, happy despite whatever confusion went on his mind. This was the moment, with the best people in the world. Jeongyeon laughed as she pretended to struggle under Jaebum’s weight, her fingertips a breath away from Nayeon’s on Jaebum’s back. Nayeon, in a rare show of affection and overwhelmed by love and fear for the future, kissed her brother’s cheek with a loud smack. Jaebum groaned but laughingly pulled his sister closer.
The beach was surprisingly empty at this time of day, and only the sounds of the waves crashing to the shore met their loudness.
Later, Suzy and Jinyoung would take a walk along the shore, not inviting anyone with them and nobody wanting to invite themselves. Jaebum shot his friend a thumbs up when Suzy wasn’t looking, which Jinyoung rolled his eyes at, but he was grinning widely. As the pair went further, their image grew smaller and smaller but they saw how Jinyoung held Suzy’s hand and how Suzy leaned her head on Jinyoung’s shoulder.
The three of them sat in silence, surrounded by the weight of things left unspoken. Nayeon leaned her head on her knees and spoke first.
“I can’t believe I’m graduating next week,” she said to nobody in particular. Her gaze was empty, focusing on something that nobody could really see.
Neither of them replied, didn’t know what to reply. They waited for her to continue.
“I think I’m going with Suzy to Seoul.”
At this Jeongyeon’s head shot up in disbelief. Jaebum nodded slowly, unsurprised. Immediately Jeongyeon felt like an outsider. They were siblings. This was news to her but she probably talked about this with him. She could dine at their table and eat their food but she wasn’t family.
“So you’ve heard from the university then?” Jaebum asked.
Nayeon shrugged. “I got wait listed but it’s not a big deal, people drop out all the time.” Jeongyeon remembered her sister being wait listed then being accepted a few weeks after.
Jaebum nodded, smiling at his sister. “I can’t believe I’m finally free of your stupid face!”
Nayeon laughed, throwing sand at him. “You’re gonna miss me so much!” Jeongyeon knew she was just imagining it, but a part of her felt like she was talking to her as well.
Jaebum brushed the sand off his hair and clothes, turning serious all of a sudden. “Yeah,” he told her, “I think I actually will.” Nayeon smiled at her little brother, surprised at the wave of fondness filling inside her.
“You still have Jeongyeon, anyway,” she grinned at him mischievously. Where Jaebum was blind, Nayeon was not and she could see his affection starting to grow more romantic for Jeongyeon.
Jaebum snorted but said nothing. Jeongyeon watched the entire exchange and realized it was now or never. She had to decide if she wanted to keep her feelings to herself or if she wanted to risk it all for Im Nayeon. Jeongyeon wasn’t a risk taker. She in fact was very much by the book. But if there was ever a chance, just a tiny chance, that she could have her shot, maybe she should take it. Besides, if I make a fool of myself, she’s leaving soon and we never have to talk about it ever again. I’ll tell her not to tell Jaebum and nobody gets hurt.
Jeongyeon waited, unsure of the right time or the right window of opportunity. Jaebum had fallen asleep in between them, arm over his face, snoring lightly. Jeongyeon was about to open her mouth when Nayeon turned to her.
“Come with me to the bathroom? I hate going there alone, the doors always seem so sketchy,” she asked, standing up. She extended her hand to help the other girl up. Jeongyeon nodded and grabbed Nayeon’s hand, ignoring the butterflies going wild in her stomach, ignoring how electric, how alive her hand felt.
“So,” Jeongyeon started as they walked toward the beach’s bathrooms, “Seoul, huh?”
Nayeon grinned, excitement clear on her face. “Can you believe I’ve never been? It’s not like it’s that far, too.”
202 miles away from Busan, but who’s counting? Jeongyeon might have looked things up online after the conversation earlier. Nayeon has since let go of her hand but the lingering sensation of her touch remained, burning her skin.
“I’m very happy for you.” Jeongyeon meant it. “I’m sure you’ll miss everyone here.” I hope you’ll miss me, too.
Nayeon giggled. “Stop being so dramatic, I’ll come visit all the time!”
Jeongyeon nodded, knowing she’ll come visit her family. She’s just a tag along. I just want you to visit me, too.
They’ve arrived at the bathroom, Nayeon entering a stall and telling Jeongyeon to hold the door close. The doors of this bathroom have been known to not shut properly, occasionally swinging open with reckless abandon whenever the wind was strong enough. Afterwards, as Nayeon washed her hands, Jeongyeon took a deep breath. She mustered up all her courage and met Nayeon’s eyes through the mirror.
“I’m in love with you.” She blurted out, without much grace or eloquence. This was not what she had planned but at this point, the words were rolling out of her with too much momentum to stop. “I’ve been in love with you since I don’t even know when. Like literally you are all I think about, all day every day and I know you’re my best friend’s sister and I don’t even know if you’re gay or bi or whatever but I love you.” Jeongyeon had shut her eyes mid speech, her whole body was covered in cold sweat. She was too afraid to open her eyes but she knew she had to. She opened her eyes.
Nayeon was now facing her, looking at her sympathetically, almost with regret. There was so much sadness in her eyes, an almost pity. Jeongyeon felt her heart drop to the floor. She could feel the exact moment it broke. She could feel the sting of tears threatening to fall.
“Jeong, I-” Nayeon stopped and her eyes shifted to the right of Jeongyeon, a mix of shock and horror on her face. Jeongyeon turned to look behind her, knowing what awaits her but still dreading who she’ll see.
Jaebum looked at both of them with thinly veiled anger and disappointment. He refused to meet both their eyes. “Suzy wanted me to come find you,” he said through gritted teeth. “Her parents are expecting her home soon.” He quickly turned away and started walking back to where Suzy and Jinyoung were waiting.
Nayeon reached out to grab his arm. “Jaebum, wait.” But he quickly yanked his arm from her reach and walked even faster. The two of them had no choice but to follow. Jeongyeon wanted to walk closer to Nayeon but the other girl wrapped her arms around herself and set some distance between them.
In the car, the atmosphere was riddled with tension. Both Jeongyeon and Jaebum sat as close to their respective windows as possible, putting distance between them and Nayeon, who was staring straight ahead. In front them, Suzy held Jinyoung’s other hand, both oblivious or choosing to ignore the trio in the back. As they drove, the beach grew smaller and smaller. They played the same songs but nobody was singing.
VIII.
To say that their relationships have hit a rough patch was an understatement. There was a strain surrounding them all, but nobody ever spoke about it. Jeongyeon assumed that Jaebum told Jinyoung and Jinyoung in turn told Suzy because nobody ever question why the three of them suddenly couldn’t stand to be around each other. Nayeon hung out with Suzy and, now by extension, Jinyoung. But only when Jinyoung wasn’t with Jaebum, which wasn’t often. He would constantly have to jump back and forth between his new relationship and his best friend. Eventually, Jinyoung probably grew tired of it and forced the siblings to talk.
Now Nayeon and Jaebum can stand to be together with Suzy and Jinyoung. Jeongyeon watches them from afar as they have lunch under their usual tree. Nobody invited her. It’s not like nobody tried.
(“Are you just going ignore her forever?” Jinyoung asked. He waved Jeongyeon over but Jeongyeon pretended not to see. Jaebum didn’t reply. Jinyoung sighed and lightly pushed his friend’s shoulder. “Grow up.”)
Jeongyeon feels the cold pit in her stomach. There they were, her favorite people in the world. Suzy was leaning into Jinyoung, throwing nuts at Jaebum, who was trying to catch it with his mouth. Beside him, Nayeon was laughing as she reached over to tousle Jinyoung’s hair. The longing was driving Jeongyeon insane. It wasn’t even longing to be with Nayeon. It was just the longing to be back in the fold, to be accepted. She stood up and ran to the to the nearest bathroom stall. She reached into her bad and brought out the pathetic sandwich she made before she left for school. She pretended she didn’t know why the drops of salty tears were all over the tissue covering the sandwich.
The day after the beach, she had gone over to Jaebum’s house. She was shocked when the person opening the door was neither one of the Im siblings but Jinyoung. His eyes went soft when he saw her. He stepped out and gestured to her to sit on the steps with him.
“I think you know he doesn’t want to talk to you right now,” he told her, smiling at her as if to say sorry.
Jeongyeon sighed. “I just need to know why it was so wrong of me to do that, you know?”
He didn’t reply but nodded at her to continue. “Like, I get it maybe it was some sort of bro code?” She was close to tears from frustration. “I guess I should have asked permission? I don’t know. I’m so confused. I just wish he’d talk to me. I get it. His sister. But why should that matter to him anyway?”
Jinyoung just stares her, shaking his head, disbelief in his eyes. He chuckled not unkindly. “You really had no idea?”
Jeongyeon looks back at him with confusion. “What?”
“Dude,” Jinyoung says. This catches Jeongyeon’s attention more because he wasn’t the type of guy to say dude. “Jaebum likes you.”
Jeongyeon laughs. “Well, yeah. We’re best friends, of course we like each other.”
Jinyoung groans. “No, I mean he likes you likes you.”
Jeongyeon stared back, blindsided. If it were any other person, she’d call bluff. But this is Jinyoung and he has never lied to her before. He also just wasn’t the type of person to pull pranks in the inappropriate times so she knew he was serious. “Oh,” was all she could say. She was completely speechless, amazed at how dense she was for not ever seeing it.
“Yeah, I mean I understand why you never figured it out. He’s pretty good at hiding his feelings.”
“How’d you even know?” Why did he tell you before me?
“Suzy told me.” Jeongyeon wondered if he knew how brightly he shined whenever he mentioned Suzy. “Anyway, Jeong I think you just need to give him time. If he never told you, it’s probably because he never planned on doing anything with that information.”
What a cruel joke the universe has played on her. Here she was, in love with her best friend’s sister while her best friend was in love with her. Now she had nobody.
Jinyoung stood up. “Don’t worry,” he said, brushing off his pants. “It’s Jaebum, he always comes around.”
Jeongyeon wasn’t so sure.
IX.
It’s the graduation day. The ceremony just finished and the auditorium is filled with laughter, tears, and rushed goodbyes.
“We’ll totally keep in touch!” They never do.
“I’ll come visit all the time!” They never did.
“College won’t break us up!” It did.
Nayeon looks around them, overwhelmed by all the voices and hugs from people she barely knew. There was no real goodbye for her. She was going to live with Suzy in Seoul and it didn’t seem like Jinyoung and Suzy were breaking up anytime soon so she’d probably still see him. Obviously, she’d see Jaebum at home whenever she went back.The only real goodbye was.
She saw her, sitting on the benches, staring down at everyone. Jaebum spotted her first, nudging Nayeon after making eye contact. “Talk to her,” he told her, looking at the floor. “You don’t get to run away after breaking her heart.”
Nayeon walked toward her, throwing her a small smile. “Mind if I sit?”
Jeongyeon nodded and scooted over. Being around her wasn’t as intoxicating as before, but it’s not like butterflies disappeared completely.
Nayeon sighed and reached over to grab Jeongyeon’s hand. The other girl visibly stiffened but held her hand back. “Jeongyeon, I’m so sorry. I love you but not that way. You’re like a little sister to me.”
Jeongyeon smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Don’t be, you don’t choose who you love. And that’s not what I’m upset about, anyway.”
“It’s not?”
Jeongyeon gave her a rueful look. “I knew when I confessed that you’d probably reject me. But I just needed it out there, you know? I just needed you to know.” She looked away from Nayeon. “Sometimes it’s just nice to hear how much you’re wanted, because it’s so much better than knowing that people don’t want you around.”
Nayeon frowned. “What do you mean?”
Jeongyeon shook her head. “Nothing, I don’t mean anything by it.” She grinned at Nayeon, her Nayeon that was never hers, will never be hers. But she will always be Nayeon’s. “I’m just happy to have been a part of your life, even if it’s just a small part.” She was shocked to feel Nayeon’s arms around her, hugging her so tight.
“Shut up, you will never be just a small part of my life. You’re family, okay?” She let Jeongyeon go to look her in the eyes, wiping the tears that were forming on the younger girl’s eyes. “You’ll always be a part of my life. Just in a different way.”
Jeongyeon nodded, already missing the feeling of Nayeon’s arms around her but knowing those arms were never meant to be around her anyway. “Not if Jaebum never talks to me.”
Nayeon smiled. “You know my brother. He’s an idiot. Go talk to him.” She nudged her wit her shoulder. “I need to say some last minute goodbyes to people who actually won’t be in my life.” She stood up and started down the steps of the bleachers. Then, at the last step, she looked back. “Yoo Jeongyeon, don’t ever think you’re not wanted or that you don’t belong. You belong with us.” With that, she flashed Jeongyeon one of her world renowned bunny teeth smiles (well, world renowned to one person).
Jeongyeon felt a hundred times lighter after that conversation. She prepared to get up and look for Jaebum when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked behind her to see Jaebum’s smiling face, other hand outstretched, curled into a fist, knuckles facing her.
Let’s move on.
X.
Summer vacation was nearing it’s end. Nayeon and Suzy had already left to Seoul, leaving behind a desolate Jinyoung despite promises from Suzy that she’d call every single day and come home every single long holiday or weekend.
They both knew that was a stretch. They were young, there was so much of the world to see and to experience. Jinyoung had one last year of high school to go and figure out what his plan was (but his plans had never been in Seoul, although maybe he’d keep that open) and Suzy had a whole new world to navigate and survive. Maybe they’d find each other again at a different point in their lives. But for now, they were optimistic in keeping this relationship up as long as they could.
Nayeon and Jaebum had spend her last night having a serious talk about the love triangle mess they had found themselves in. Nayeon told him to just shoot his shot or at least talk about it. Jaebum told her he was content to feel his feelings on his own, without ever ruining the friendship they’ve built. And that was that. The siblings moved on, because that’s just what siblings do.
The three juniors were now at the beach where everything fell apart. But it had to. Things had to fall apart to reveal the farce hiding beneath. Now everything was out in the open, and things were different. The three of them were still close but during the summer Jinyoung had been mostly out of the loop, spending Suzy’s last days in Busan together. They had let him, of course, knowing how much he liked her. Jeongyeon for her part had given Jaebum a lot of space. She joined a summer baseball team led by one of her classmates that she had become a bit closer to during the week she spent isolated from her friends. Jihyo was a loud, bubbly girl that always spoke her mind and made sure to always assert her feelings. Jeongyeon figured she could learn a thing or two from her. Whenever she and Jaebum met up, on the surface it felt like nothing had changed, but deep down she knew he was still hurting even though he never opened up to her. She decided not to push him and allow him to process on his own. Over the course of the summer, she also decided it was finally time to learn how to cook. She knew eventually she’d have to live on her own so she needed to learn important skills.
This also meant she ate dinners at Jaebum’s house less and less. If Jaebum was upset about this, he never let on.
Now they were here, on the hood of Jinyoung’s car, under the bright twinkle of the stars, the sound of the waves drowning the uncertainty in their hearts. Jeongyeon, in between her two boys.
“What’s going to happen to us?” She asks.
What’s going to happen to their friendship? To their future? There were so many ways to answer the question, so many meanings.
Jinyoung smiles. “Who knows?”
“Exactly, doesn’t that freak you out?” Jeongyeon leaned on her elbows to look at Jinyoung.
“Oh, it’s scary as fuck. But isn’t that just exciting?” He was grinning now, eyes shining brighter than the stars, full of so much hope and potential that the real world hasn’t stolen from him yet.
“We are whatever we set out to be,” Jaebum answers with the confidence of a teenager that hasn’t been broken by the world yet. He looks to the side to see Jeongyeon smiling at him. She flicks his forehead with her fingers.
“Damn, that’s deep bro.” She laughs at him, feeling comfortable around him again. Just like that.
Jaebum closed his eyes, deciding now and from now on, to let Jeongyeon go. He would always love her but he needed to love her differently, or else he would lose her. Just like that.
“It’ll always be us, though. No matter what.” Jinyoung speaks with so much conviction his voice breaks but nobody points it out, wanting to believe him with all their hearts.
Truth it, nobody knows what the future holds for them. They’re just a bunch of kids, navigating their messy feelings and their messy relationships, fickle and constantly deciding to switch their emotions on and off. But nobody disputes Jinyoung. This was clearly important to him, as Suzy just left and their relationship was so out in the open. He needed to think this and they needed to let him think it. It was an unspoken rule.