Work Text:
There was a terrible loneliness in wanting something so desperately and knowing that you would never allow yourself to actually seek it out, Lan Zhan thought, seated at the top of his lifeguard steps. He still didn’t stop himself watching the man in the pool slicing through the water.
He didn’t even know the man’s name.
“Hey,” the voice had called, early one morning, dawn barely turning from pink to blue. The pool was dappled lights and reflections of the sky and there was only one person using it at that time. This voice. “Hey,” it asked again.
Lan Zhan looked down, meeting the man’s eyes. He didn’t say anything.
“You should let me put on some music. Since we’re the only two here. Something to wake me up.” The voice was teasing and friendly and too loud and too much at this hour.
“No.” Lan Zhan had not even tried to explain the health and safety rules, the management policy or his own personal preference for silence. He was just shocked at the audacity, at the volume and at the disruption of routine. The man frowned at him, mockingly turning it into a pout that Lan Zhan thought meant that he wasn’t too upset and then turned, efficiently, skilfully and swept into another length. For all of that, Lan Zhan’s brain seemed incapable of moving on, replaying and analysing every moment of the interaction, from the lilt of the voice to the way the water clumped the man’s eyelashes together, to the lean strength of his muscles.
“Oh,” Lan Zhan said, loud himself into the silence of the pool. He was, he decided, an idiot.
Lan Zhan only had the job as pool attendant/life guard/first aider/general dogsbody because his brother had worked there throughout school. He’d not so much as recommended Lan Zhan for the job as basically offered the pool his brother when one had replaced the other. But people liked his brother more than they did him. Lan Huan made people like him. No, it wasn’t that sinister. He was just more approachable, friendlier. People could easily make a connection with him and Lan Huan seemed to understand people in a way that Lan Zhan never could. If he had his brother’s skills, his facility with others, Lan Zhan would not be in this terrible lonely position. But he was not his brother. And he was too embarrassed to ask his brother for his help. Probably. But the next time they met, maybe he could ask for advice.
Lan Zhan was resolved when the man in the pool returned to the end nearest his station. “Goodbye, see you tomorrow,” he’d said, just as loud and brash as before. “Maybe think about the music?” Then he’d laughed, hauled himself out of the pool without seeming to need to put any effort into it and waved as he sauntered off to the changing rooms. Lan Zhan watched him go, eyes dancing over the lean hips and up the strong back. He only had so much resolve.
Lan Zhan took the morning shift because he liked his routine. For years, he’d had to get up for school at 5am and, even though he’d left home for university, he’d stuck to the early rising. He didn’t tend to spend time in the bars and clubs that other students seemed to habitually be drawn to. But when Wen Qing had pleaded family emergency, Lan Zhan was happy enough to cover her late, closing shift.
The pool emptied out over the course of the evening, leaving him almost alone in the building. He knew all the routines and took his time neatly stacking the floats from the children’s swimming lessons earlier. Soon he was left with nothing to do other than perch at the top of his steps and think over his next week of classes.
Soon it was just him and the one, single man swimming length after length. He was probably going to have to let him know it was time to leave soon. It was only when Lan Zhan looked closer that he realised that the man was his usual morning music botherer. He opened his mouth to say… something and closed it again. For some reason, the man’s swimming looked almost angry. There was none of the usual flourishes at the end of a lane, no fancy turns and spins. Instead the man slapped his hands onto the side of the pool and turned, efficient and focused, and shot into another perfectly straight front crawl length.
Lan Zhan had no idea what to do. They weren’t friends, after all. They couldn’t even call themselves acquaintances. Lan Zhan had not introduced himself or been introduced and he knew nothing of this man except his swimming habits. He wasn’t even sure he’d be able to identify him if they were to meet fully dressed. Outside of the pool. Dressed outside of the pool. It took a lot of self-control to not slap his head into his hands.
He let his morning person swim one hard fought lane after another. He should be closing the pool and returning to work on some assignments but he found himself unwilling to interrupt. It was only when he noticed that he was slowing, the turns less crisp and the stroke less forced that Lan Zhan finally stepped to the side of the pool.
“You should finish,” Lan Zhan said, finally settling on that neutral expression after discarding a thousand more options. He wasn’t sure he managed to get to friendly but it was better than ‘stop’ which had been his first instinct.
The man looked up, blinking water away from his (long) eyelashes. “Finish?” It seemed to take a few moments for the words to sink in. Then the guy looked at the clock. “Oh god, it’s past closing. I’m sorry.”
“No apologies. There is time.” Lan Zhan moved back to let the man clamber out, trying not to notice that his arms trembled slightly as he hauled himself out of the pool. How long had he been swimming for? Lan Zhan also prepared to step forward to help and offer support and perhaps touch but the man seemed to get his feet under him without too much trouble. He walked towards the changing rooms as Lan Zhan finished the tasks he needed to before switching the lights off. Most of the clean-up he didn’t need to do – that would be one of his tasks in the morning – but he spent a few moments sweeping a broom over the wet footprints at the side of the pool before heading into the changing rooms. He’d come through and emptied the trash cans when the last group had left an hour before. He headed to the staff section and pulled off his yellow uniform polo-shirt. There was no way he was getting onto a bus in that. He was interrupted by a soft noise from behind him.
His morning person was standing there, wrapped in a too large black hoodie and too tight black jeans. He barely seemed to have run a towel over his hair, as it hung in long, wet tangles around his neck. It was springtime but it definitely wouldn’t be warm out there. “I wanted to say that was me, that I was leaving, and that I was sorry for keeping you.” The guy was looking at a point over Lan Zhan’s shoulder, a red flush dusting over his high cheekbones.
Lan Zhan shook his head. “No need. Are you ready to leave?”
“Yeah. Sure.” And the guy turned around. “See you. Not tomorrow. I’ll not be here tomorrow.”
Lan Zhan shoved on his shirt and coat, grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder and caught up before his morning person vanished out of the door. “I am leaving too.”
They stood at the bus stop in silence. Lan Zhan wasn’t quite sure how to start the conversation and his morning person, usually so willing to speak to him, was seemingly lost in his own thoughts.
“Why not tomorrow?” Lan Zhan asked, eventually.
“It’s the anniversary of my parents’ death.” The guy sighed. It was entirely too personal and Lan Zhan should never have asked. He didn’t even know the man’s name, he reminded himself. “Tomorrow I have to…” Lan Zhan watched as he shook himself, a shudder seemingly passing through him all the way from his toes to the tips of his ears. “I’m Wei Ying.”
“Lan Zhan,” he offered in return, after a moment.
“So, tomorrow, Lan Zhan, I have to put on a face and pretend to my adoptive family that I am absolutely fine. Because I can barely remember them.” Wei Ying took in a deep breath. “Tonight, I get to be angry.”
Lan Zhan hummed agreement. “My mother died when I was six. My father when I was seventeen,” he offered. “It is not…” He wasn’t sure what to say. Easy? Fair? He’d really lost his father when his mother died, before that. Uncle had been the one to bring him up, along with Huan. He buried the hurt, deep, like he always did.
“Yeah,” Wei Ying said. There wasn’t much else to say, Lan Zhan supposed.
The bus drew up and they took seats next to each other. There was only one other passenger, another student from the looks of him, book propped up on his knees, eyes wide with too much caffeine.
The streets looked unfamiliar at night.
“This is me,” Wei Ying said, hitting the stop button. He stood up, clinging to one of the supports as the bus swayed to a halt. “Thanks, Lan Zhan.”
“No apologies. No thanks.” Lan Zhan said, unable to look away as Wei Ying grinned, suddenly, wide and surprised. Wei Ying hopped down to the sidewalk and waved through the window as the bus pulled away.
There were now three things Lan Zhan had learned: he knew his name, he knew his bus stop and he knew he would remember Wei Ying, dressed or undressed.
The difficulty was that Lan Zhan didn’t know how to move from pool lifeguard to acquaintance to friend. Not really. He did not make friends easily. He knew that. People at school had wanted to be his friend because of his family or to copy his homework. He had enjoyed the anonymity that university offered. There were so many students that he could slip unnoticed into the background of lectures. Labs were individual, mostly, and he could remain courteous for group assignments. He avoided the busy coffee shops, the canteens and the bars that circled the student housing. He told himself he was happy with his own company.
Still, he found himself looking more as he moved from library to lecture hall to lab. There was no sign of Wei Ying. In fact, Lan Zhan had presumed he was a student due to the fact he used the pool and was around his age but there was no guarantee that was true. It was a public pool, with families and elderly people and everyone in between using it throughout the week. He could ask, he considered, the next time he saw Wei Ying, but when they’d returned to their usual places – Lan Zhan at the top of his steps and Wei Ying slicing through the water with enviable ease – the intimacy of shared revelations seemed to belong to the night and had no place in the crisp light of dawn.
Wei Ying always waved as he headed out though.
Another family emergency had Lan Zhan covering the nightmare that was a Saturday morning. Wen Qing owed him big and he was going to collect. Unlike his quiet mornings or even the boredom of the odd evening he worked, the weekends were full of children. Children who would scream and yell and throw things and constantly have to be told, “No running!”. Lan Zhan hated Saturday mornings.
He was reconsidering whether it would be a dereliction of his duty to stick in earplugs after a girl decided to try and drown her brother with piercing shrieks of joy when he noticed Wei Ying walking across the tiles towards him, entirely too close to the pool’s edge for his complete comfort.
“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying was loud but, for reasons Lan Zhan didn’t want to examine too closely, it didn’t affect him negatively at all. “You have to come meet the best boy!”
Lan Zhan rubbed absently at the pain that was pressing against his breastbone as he followed Wei Ying along the side of the pool towards the warm water pool for smaller children. A tall, slender man in purple shorts stood with his back to them and Lan Zhan really wondered why Wei Ying was doing this to him. Was he too obvious? Had his eyes lingered when they should not have? He felt vaguely nauseous.
Then the man turned around and scowled. “Why’d you run off?” In his arms, a toddler matched his frown. The child had ridiculous yellow water wings on, so pale they were nearly gold and blown up so much they were bigger than his head. Lan Zhan kept his face neutral.
Wei Ying gestured to the baby. “This is my nephew! Jin Ling!” He grinned wildly at Lan Zhan, tugging him closer to inspect the tiny human. “And my brother, I suppose.”
Lan Zhan wasn’t sure what to say. He nodded at them, which seemed to make the brother frown more. But he didn’t care that much. He felt much more settled, suddenly. Because, and he realised he needed to keep telling himself this at every opportunity, he continued to be an idiot.
“We’re taking him swimming,” Wei Ying continued, excitedly. “My sister – his mother – normally brings him in the afternoon.” He tapped the baby on the nose. The baby didn’t exactly look pleased. “But today is Uncles day!”
His brother seemed to lose patience at that and turned around to start down the broad steps into the shallow pool. Lan Zhan supposed he should admire the careful way he seemed to be taking every step.
Wei Ying started to follow, yelling, “Jiang Cheng! Wait!” Then he turned back to Lan Zhan. “We’re going for lunch after. When do you finish?”
Lan Zhan checked the clock. “An hour.” Wei Ying beamed. And waited, looking at Lan Zhan hopefully. His face started to fall when Lan Zhan understood. “You want me to come to lunch?”
“If you’re not busy. Or you’re busy. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m being too overbearing again.” The words tumbled out of Wei Ying’s mouth and he started to turn away. Lan Zhan tried to pretend he wasn’t thrilled to grab onto Wei Ying’s bare shoulder to stop him.
“It’d like that.”
He realised they’d just been standing there, smiling at each other, when an exasperated “Wei Ying!” came from the baby pool and a scream from the deep end reminded them both they were in public. Lan Zhan nodded, again, at Wei Ying’s brother and the baby and headed towards the adult pool, bringing his whistle to his lips. He hoped Wei Ying would miss the way he could feel his ears and the top of his cheekbones burning with sudden heat.
When his shift finished, Lan Zhan headed outside, not sure what he would find. His skin seemed to be barely holding in a fizzing feeling which only intensified when he saw Wei Ying crouched in front of a strapped in Jin Ling who looked just as pissed to be in a stroller as he had been in his water wings. Wei Ying was pulling ridiculous faces at the baby. Lan Zhan couldn’t help watching.
“Ready?” Wei Ying’s brother finished up tapping on his phone and came over to take the handles of the stroller.
Wei Ying bounced up and came to grab Lan Zhan’s arm, narrowly avoiding being tripped by the stroller’s wheels. “We’re going to Jiang Cheng’s favourite café.” He made a displeased face. “They don’t serve anything spicy enough for me.”
“That’s because you are insane,” replied his brother. Jiang Cheng. Lan Zhan wondered why Wei Ying’s brother’s name was different for a moment but was too polite to ask. Instead he nodded and walked alongside Wei Ying, who seemed to be talking about Jin Ling’s swimming prowess and insulting his brother simultaneously. Lan Zhan lost himself in the rhythm of Wei Ying’s speech, rather overwhelmed by its intensity and the fact Wei Ying didn’t let go of his arm once while they walked down the hill towards the University.
Wei Ying drew him to a stop outside a fairly nondescript café. “Is this okay?” he asked, biting at his lower lip. Lan Zhan realised that Wei Ying was nervous and he wondered about what. Instead he nodded, thinking about soothing the bitten lip with his thumb or a kiss or even his… Café. Small child. Brother. Lan Zhan needed to keep control of his feelings. And thoughts. He had a terrifying moment of wondering if perhaps Jiang Cheng could read his mind from the scowl thrown his way before he realised that he was probably annoyed at holding the door open for them and waiting.
“Yes,” Lan Zhan managed to get out, before gesturing to suggest Wei Ying led the way. There was a deeply frustrated sigh from Jiang Cheng as Wei Ying started to insist that Lan Zhan went first before remembering that Lan Zhan had probably never been here before and wouldn’t know the best table for Jin Ling – which he told Lan Zhan all about – as they finally managed to cross the threshold.
Organising food and a seat for Jin Ling was achieved with remarkable smoothness and Lan Zhan found himself pressed alongside Wei Ying in a booth as Jiang Cheng manoeuvred a spoon into the unwilling baby’s mouth.
“So, what are you studying?” Wei Ying asked. “I mean, if you are a student. You don’t have to be. You could be a really dedicated life guard.”
“Biochemistry.” Lan Zhan took a sip of his tea. “And you?”
He sat bemused as Wei Ying explained his journey through the university system, starting with his course in Computing and his digression into graphic design and over to Fine Arts and back to computers. Lan Zhan was quite surprised that Wei Ying had to resit a year after essentially going to none of the courses he was registered for and instead spending a lot of time drawing. “That’s when I started swimming in the mornings. Helps me focus.”
Lan Zhan nodded. It made sense. He always felt calmer with routine as well. “I did not attend University straight after school,” he revealed.
“A year out? Did you travel? See the world? Build schools or something?” Wei Ying leaned closer, eyes dancing.
“I was not well. I played a lot of music.” Lan Zhan dropped his eyes to his lunch, unable to risk revealing more. “I play the piano. And the guqin,” he offered, before Wei Ying could ask.
“Good with your hands, eh?” Wei Ying said, jostling against Lan Zhan. “I play the flute. I’m all about breath control.”
“There’s a child present,” Jiang Cheng snapped. Lan Zhan started a little. He had – not quite forgotten but had been so focused on Wei Ying and his ready smile and the way his leg felt pressed against his thigh and the way Lan Zhan wanted to share all his secrets to keep Wei Ying’s in return. Wei Ying didn’t seemed bothered, turning to cheerfully tell his brother that he was just jealous because he could barely hold a note which Jiang Cheng took extreme exception to. Lan Zhan focused on eating, letting his heart rate settle back to something approaching normal.
Lan Zhan spent a lot of that evening analysing every moment of their meeting. He wasn’t even sure why he’d been invited along on “Uncles day” to lunch but he was grateful for it, nevertheless. Jin Ling was cute when he stopped frowning but Wei Ying was something altogether beautiful. His moods, the speed with which he changed from one topic to another, the way he touched so freely – it all made Lan Zhan want.
He couldn’t get to sleep, not even after tossing and turning for hours. His brain was filled with Wei Ying and Wei Ying’s hair and skin and smile and the way he wrinkled his nose and the flush that ran along his cheekbones when his brother made him passionately determined to defend a ridiculous, stupid opinion. And even the way Wei Ying smelled – a low note of chlorine from the pool underlying spice and coffee. Lan Zhan let out a low groan as he realised he was hard.
Lan Zhan shouldn’t do it, but he couldn’t stop his hand from sliding down his belly, wrapping around his cock and twisting. The relief was instant. Lan Zhan tried – he really did – to revisit vague faceless fantasies but all too soon he was imagining Wei Ying. They were in showers, maybe at the pool, but they were quiet and silent and empty of everyone but them. Wei Ying beckoned him close, kissed him and he kissed back, tasting water and skin and warmth. Lan Zhan’s hand quickened on his cock as he imagined Wei Ying pressing against him, feeling the weight of his cock. And in his head, Wei Ying was ready and willing to let Lan Zhan lift him against the tile, hold him in place and fuck into him, never stopping kissing.
Lan Zhan wiped his hand on his pyjamas, gross and sweaty and satisfied. He should clean up more but the thought of moving was too much. He rolled over, tugging his blankets back into place. As long as they stayed fantasies, Lan Zhan thought. He could have Wei Ying in those.
There were no more early Saturdays for Lan Zhan as he continued his work, both at the pool and in the lab and lecture hall. Wei Ying still demanded music in the morning, the light stronger as the weeks went by, only now he also waved at Lan Zhan when he saw him on campus and even ate lunch with him, sitting outside on a suddenly warm afternoon, loudly proclaiming his love of spring. And, at night, safely alone, Lan Zhan spent entirely too long imagining Wei Ying and him in every position and way he’d ever seen, read about and vaguely overheard. He was glad telepathy was entirely fictional.
Wei Ying consumed him. He wondered if this was more than a crush, than a need wanting to be met, idly, as he watched Wei Ying swim. It had been difficult enough when Wei Ying was just a figure in the water, an annoyance that wasn’t annoying at all. But now Lan Zhan knew his name, his likes, his family, his thoughts about just about every subject that crossed Wei Ying’s mind, he thought it might something more lasting, more permanent. Something closer to a word he didn’t even want to think, let alone admit out loud.
He, and he reminded himself of this frequently, was not just an idiot but also a coward. He was a cowardly idiot. And he was fucked. Just not in the way he wanted to be.
Weeks later, when he woke up, Lan Zhan knew it would be a Bad day. It was, as his brother would have said, reassuring that he “had enough insight” to know that this was just a Bad day and not actually that he hated himself and everyone else hated him too. But it didn’t make going through a Bad day good enough to stop it being a Bad day. On the other hand, Lan Zhan didn’t want to waste a sick day on a Bad day - he should save that for a Really Bad day, when he knew he wouldn’t make it out of bed, let alone the apartment. He would go to work, he decided, then return home and hope that the Bad day would disperse.
Work did not help the Bad day disperse. There was a group of older women who seemed determined to hold conversations as they drifted up and down, heads high above the water. Their voices chirped louder and louder, echoing around the mainly empty space and driving needles into the base of Lan Zhan’s skull. And there was no Wei Ying. Lan Zhan watched the minutes tick past, focusing on the smooth sweep of the second hand to avoid the noise and pain of the voices.
Wei Ying came in an hour before his shift was due to end. He didn’t dive in immediately, but came and stood at the base of Lan Zhan’s steps, hands working his hair back into a tighter knot.
“Reading week - means no classes,” he said, eyes dancing up to meet Lan Zhan’s. “Did you miss me?”
Lan Zhan nodded, stiffly, trying not to let the needles slip under his skin any more than he had to. He wanted to close his eyes, curl up on the giant floats that were used for special classes and pile towels on top of himself until he had blocked out the world. He knew there wasn’t anything physically wrong with him but the weight and the quiet and the dark would be soothing. Wei Ying, he was surprised to discover, was almost as soothing.
“You okay?” Wei Ying asked, leaning closer and speaking more quietly. His hand wrapped around Lan Zhan’s calf, grounding him.
Lan Zhan shook his head. He didn’t want to burden anyone else with his Bad day but it would be impolite to lie and he trusted Wei Ying. He had spent all of maybe two hours actually talking to Wei Ying but he felt – no, he knew - he could rely on him. The pain in his head ebbed away a little, like a tiny tide going out.
“One more hour to go,” he told him. And shrugged. He could cope.
Wei Ying squeezed the hand around his leg gently and headed off to dive in, body a perfect curve as he slid into the way with barely a splash. He stopped every time he reached Lan Zhan’s end of the pool, pulling up for a moment and making eye contact, giving a wave or just a smile before swinging around again. It wasn’t his usual routine but Lan Zhan found it reassuring, letting the minutes slip by in glimpses of Wei Ying. He had only ten minutes left when Wei Ying swung himself out of the pool. It was entirely too soon for him to be stopping and Lan Zhan climbed down, coming to see what was wrong.
“Ten minutes, right?” Wei Ying asked, chest still heaving from the exertions of his last few lengths. Lan Zhan took a minute to understand what he was asking before stiffly nodding again. He grabbed the mop and swept the water puddles at the side of the pool as Wei Ying dashed for the changing rooms, a little quicker than was probably recommended.
Lan Zhan didn’t linger, shoving his hoodie over his horrid work polo shirt and taking the rest of his clothes with him. He just wanted to get back behind his own door. There was also the implied promise that Wei Ying had made. And, as Lan Zhan left the pool building, was apparently intent on keeping.
Wei Ying had tied his wet hair up messily and was once more wearing an entirely too large black sweater over his tight jeans. He smiled, his usual wide grin tinged with something fond, something soft. “Have you eaten?”
Lan Zhan tried to remember. He thought he had. It was part of his routine and he tended to follow his routine. “I think so.”
Wei Ying watched him, words seemingly caught behind his teeth for a moment. “Are you going home?” Lan Zhan nodded. “Can I come with you?”
That made him pause. It wasn’t that he didn’t have people around but he liked his own space. The idea of Wei Ying in his space was oddly reassuring. Tempting. And it would perhaps help deal with his coward problem, if not his complete idiocy.
“We will order lunch,” Lan Zhan decided. “If you want.”
Wei Ying leaned forward and bounced his arm off Lan Zhan’s. “Do you want to walk?”
Lan Zhan thought about it. He knew he was probably taking too long to think but Wei Ying’s presence was disrupting his usual routines. In a good way. The bus would be crowded but it would mean he was home and inside and away from the noise sooner. The walk would probably tire him out more, fresh air was supposed to be good and it would mean Wei Ying wouldn’t lose out on exercise despite cutting his usual swim short. Which he had done for Lan Zhan. Which made Lan Zhan’s heart beat a little quicker.
“A walk would be nice.” He thought through the route in his head. “We can cut across the park.”
Wei Ying hadn’t talked much, just pointed at cute dogs and the odd flower about to blossom or someone’s ridiculous hairstyle. He never strayed too far from Lan Zhan’s shoulder and their hands, their arms, their shoulders brushed, especially on the narrow pathways leading out of the park.
Lan Zhan was shy when they arrived at his door. “My family bought this when my brother came here. I was supposed to join him.”
“But your brother isn’t here now, right? I remember.” Wei Ying looked sad. “So you live alone?”
“Yes.” Lan Zhan usually didn’t mind that. He preferred it. It meant he could get up and not worry about disturbing anyone and go to bed when he wanted without being disturbed. He had heard complaints about both from his classmates. He thought dorms were probably not for him. On the other hand, he didn’t automatically have the group of acquaintances that the others seemed to develop without trying, of people who lived on their floor or their friend’s roommate. He guessed Wei Ying was the type of person who thrived on that type of connectedness.
The quiet of the apartment was sometimes stifling though.
Wei Ying let out a pleased noise as he took in the view of the park, the lake in the distance. He also seemed impressed by the couch which he bounced down onto. It seemed Wei Ying was indeed keen on the idea of ordering lunch.
“Do you want a tour?” Lan Zhan asked, aware this was something his brother used to do.
“Nah. I mean, I do. Because I am nothing if not nosy,” Wei Ying hung his head over the back of the couch, watching Lan Zhan upside down. “But it’s your space and I don’t want to invade. More than I already have.”
Lan Zhan took a while to parse that, still feeling a little like his brain was wrapped in loose fabric. The needles were also making themselves known. “I’m going to get changed.”
Wei Ying was split between tapping on his phone and typing on a laptop when Lan Zhan came back out. He’d gone for his pyjamas, suddenly exhausted. But he also needed to look after his guest.
“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying tipped his head back again. He seemed to forget what he was going to say for a moment and Lan Zhan wished he’d stuck to his usual clothes for a moment, before Wei Ying visibly collected himself. “Your couch is so comfortable. I think it’s better than my bed.”
Lan Zhan did like his couch.
“So I’m going to stay here and study, right? And you can curl up and nap?” Wei Ying tried to run his hand through his hair, only to get his hand tangled in the still drying mess. “Ah, if it is okay. With you.”
“Food.” Lan Zhan decided. He couldn’t be bothered ordering, not wanting to wait, so he just assembled a rather half-hearted mess from the fridge and made tea. Wei Ying didn’t seem to care, alternating between shoving food in his mouth and explaining what the paper he was writing was all about. Lan Zhan listened, feeling the warmth of the tea settle in his bones. He knew was sliding lower and lower into his seat, utterly impolite, but then he caught Wei Ying smiling at him and decided he didn’t care that much.
“Blanket,” Wei Ying said, in the middle of a ramble about systems design. Lan Zhan blinked sleepily at him. Then Wei Ying leaned forward and pulled the decorative throw that Lan Zhan never used off the back of the couch and flipped it over his lap. He held the other end of it up. “Legs,” Wei Ying told him, and Lan Zhan curled his legs up onto the couch, his socked feet pressing against Wei Ying’s thigh. Wei Ying fussed with the throw until he was satisfied that Lan Zhan was covered and warm and Lan Zhan let him, already drifting off to the sound of Wei Ying typing.
It was dark when he woke up – mostly dark, anyway. There was a glow from Wei Ying’s laptop which made his focused expression sharp and serious. More serious than Lan Zhan had ever seen him be, anyway. It was a good look for him. Who was Lan Zhan kidding? Everything was a good look on Wei Ying, from mischief and teasing to the way he’d looked after Lan Zhan.
There was the ghost of where his headache had been, a relief at the base of his skull that he was used to and always glad to feel. The stuffiness of his head was clearer too. He knew he probably needed another day of not doing much, no classes. He would call in that favour that Wen Qing owed him to get her to cover his shift tomorrow as well. But first he needed to speak.
“Thank you,” he whispered. His throat was still croaky with sleep.
Wei Ying stopped typing and looked over. He wasn’t smiling yet. “You’re awake? Well, of course you are. You’re talking.” His hand drifted down to rest on top of the blankets, pressing in gently against Lan Zhan’s ankle. “Are you feeling more you?”
“Not better?” Lan Zhan asked, curious.
Wei Ying shrugged. “I have a friend. Actually a friend. Not me, this time. And she sometimes has problems and I guess you looked the same. Today.”
“A friend.” Lan Zhan nodded. It made sense. “A girlfriend.”
“No, just a friend.” Wei Ying’s hand froze on Lan Zhan’s ankle and then he lifted it away. “I’m pretty much gay. Very gay.”
“Mn,” Lan Zhan said, relieved. He’d hoped. He guessed he perhaps shouldn’t hope Wei Ying was also into him in the way he was into Wei Ying. That would be just too lucky.
“So, anyway. I should be going. Let you get to your actual bed. To sleep.” Wei Ying’s voice was higher than usual and he was already getting to his feet.
“Stay.” Lan Zhan gave into the urge to stretch, pulling himself upright. “I promised food.”
“Yeah, but you don’t have to.” It was dark without the light from Wei Ying’s laptop. Lan Zhan wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing. He wasn’t exactly adept at reading people’s faces as it was. “It’s fine.”
The darkness also made him brave. “I would like it if you stayed.”
Wei Ying wasn’t in the pool as usual next time Lan Zhan was at work. He thought it was just because it was still reading week. The next week went past without any sign of him either and Lan Zhan hoped he was okay. The third week was when he wasn’t able to keep his anxiety to himself anymore.
“He is normally there,” he told his brother, early in the morning for him, late at night for his brother.
Lan Huan looked at him with an expression that seemed to be pity and exasperation in equal measure. “What did you say to him?”
Lan Zhan recounted their evening together. As he came to the conversation on the couch, his brother covered his eyes with a hand. “Do you remember everything he said to you?”
It wasn’t entirely weird, Lan Zhan thought. He just had a good memory. And might have replayed their meetings over and over and over. It was nice. And probably weird.
“But,” his brother continued, “I’m going to say that he wanted you to say it back.”
“What?” Lan Zhan couldn’t follow the logic.
“That you are gay too. Or whatever. He wanted you to say you were interested.” Lan Huan looked off to the side of the screen and the muted voice of his flatmate said something. Lan Zhan didn’t listen. Not out of any particular politeness, but mainly because he was busy re-examining the encounter in his head. He waited impatiently for his brother to return his attention to the screen.
“Do you think he is interested? In me?” Lan Zhan asked, immediately. He watched his brother open and close his mouth a few times. “Really?”
“Yes, little brother.” Lan Huan’s intensity could almost be felt. Lan Zhan knew that if he was here, Lan Huan would be holding his face and making him make fixed eye contact. “He wants to be your boyfriend.”
“Oh.” Lan Zhan’s alarm went off. He would need to leave for work. Where Wei Ying wouldn’t be. But where he could perhaps think about everything. In peace. Because he was, and it should be no surprise to him by now, an idiot.
“You’re an idiot!” Lan Zhan had been startled to find Wei Ying’s brother outside his work when his shift finished but realised he probably shouldn’t have been. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about Jiang Cheng so he just waited, neither agreeing or defending himself. That seemed to wind him up even more. “I thought he was an idiot but it turns out you are an even bigger one.”
“Wei Ying isn’t an idiot. He’s very clever,” Lan Zhan interjected.
Jiang Cheng actually threw his hands up in the air. “You’re as bad as each other.”
“Can I help you?” Lan Zhan asked, after Jiang Cheng didn’t seem to be moving the conversation to the point. It was cold and it seemed like it might rain and Lan Zhan had a lecture to get to.
“You need to make up with Wei Ying. Or make out. Or something.” Jiang Cheng looked vaguely nauseated as he ground the words out. “Because he is taking up my couch and whining and he needs to get out and, I guess, you also might…” Jiang Cheng waved his hands incomprehensibly.
“I might…?” Lan Zhan was a little preoccupied with the idea of Wei Ying being miserable and also at the idea of making out with him which was something he tried not to imagine too much in daylight. He was used to failing at that.
“You look, and I mean this really kindly, fucking shitty.” Jiang Cheng shrugged. “As shit as Wei Ying. Which means I’m not going to punch you.”
Lan Zhan wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He fell back on dry courtesy and said, “Thank you.” That set Jiang Cheng off again, but Lan Zhan tuned him out. He could skip the lecture. He just needed to make sure he saw Wei Ying. He needed to know where to see Wei Ying. “Where is he?”
“In class. Should be done in an hour. And then he’d probably going to come back to my apartment and mope on my couch and-“
“Which building?” Lan Zhan interrupted. He could catch the next bus if he hurried.
“Computing Science.” Jiang Cheng looked like he might be intending to add more but Lan Zhan merely nodded his thanks and started running. He heard Jiang Cheng shout something behind him but he ignored it as the wind swept the words away and the bus turned onto the street. He stumbled onto it, panting. Lan Zhan was too impatient to find a seat. Instead he clung to the support nearest the exit doors, willing the bus to go faster and trying not to panic at what he was going to say to Wei Ying.
Eventually, finally, the bus pulled into the nearest stop to the campus and Lan Zhan was off and moving. He wasn’t sure the doors had even opened properly before he hit the street and pushed his way rudely through the other students. He should stop and apologise for brushing against people but equally they should be used to people rushing to class and should get out of the way of someone so obviously in a hurry. He ended up diving around three people walking abreast, holding an intense conversation, nearly knocking a skateboarder flat and nearly taking out a similarly harried person going in the opposite direction before he ground to a halt in front of the CompSci building.
People were streaming out, a lecture obviously just finished. Lan Zhan used his height to peer over the heads of the people surrounding him but he failed to see that familiar face. He jumped up on top of a concrete planter when the smokers started gathering in front of him, blocking his view. This gave him more of a clear line of sight and he recognised Wei Ying’s back, headed down a path opposite him. His heart leapt in his throat and he jumped off the block and started pushing through the crowd.
Wei Ying was halfway down the path when Lan Zhan got clear. Still, Lan Zhan took a moment to breath, still unsure what he was going to say. The first spatters of rain brought him back to himself. “Wei Ying,” he called. He ignored the weird looks the other students sent his way as he pounded down the path.
Wei Ying turned around, his shock clear on his face. He was only steps away when the rain properly started coming down. But Wei Ying didn’t move as Lan Zhan came to stand in front of him. Still unable to speak properly, Lan Zhan pulled his bag open and found his umbrella. He held it up over Wei Ying, letting the rain fall onto his own head.
“Lan Zhan? What are you doing?” Wei Ying looked at the umbrella above him, perplexed.
“You were getting wet,” Lan Zhan explained. He could feel his chest rising and falling with his exertions.
“It’s just rain.” Wei Ying stuck out his hand, gathering drops in his palm before wiping it dry on his leg.
“You haven’t been swimming,” Lan Zhan started. “You haven’t been at the pool.” Wei Ying just regarded him solemnly. “I haven’t seen you in seventeen days.”
“You counted?” Wei Ying shifted on his feet. “Why?”
Lan Zhan swallowed. He was hyper aware of the other people brushing past him on the path, umbrellas up and hoods over their heads, some shrieking as the rain splashed down harder.
Wei Ying stepped closer to him, until Lan Zhan was under the umbrella too. “Why, Lan Zhan?”
“I talked to my brother. He said I should tell you.” Lan Zhan’s voice dried up when he saw the small smile appear on Wei Ying’s face. He’d missed that smile.
“Tell me what?” Wei Ying shifted even closer, forcing Lan Zhan to hold his arm to the side. They were nearly chest to chest now.
“That I love you.” Wait. He hadn’t meant to say that. He should probably start more softly, less full on. He was screwing this up and Wei Ying was going to tell him to go away and never bother him again and-
Wei Ying kissed him. He tasted of rain and skin and he was perfect. Lan Zhan wrapped his free arm around Wei Ying’s waist as Wei Ying wound his arms around Lan Zhan’s neck, holding him close as the kiss deepened. They moved together, as if this was the hundredth, the thousandth time they’d kissed, mouths matching perfectly as every bit of their bodies fitted against the other’s.
The rain was slacking off as they broke apart. Lan Zhan didn’t move far, too busy watching every fleeting thought cross Wei Ying’s face.
“My dorm isn’t far,” Wei Ying said, eventually, seemingly caught up in staring at Lan Zhan staring at him. “And, me too.”
“Hmm?” Lan Zhan asked, wondering if he should just cross the distance and kiss Wei Ying again. In fact, why had he even stopped kissing him in the first place?
“I guess I love you too,” Wei Ying said and he definitely needed kissed for that.
They made it to Wei Ying’s dorm room as the sun came out again.
“Hey, Lan Zhan!” Lan Zhan looked down at the man, at his boyfriend, arms propped on the edge of the pool, smile wide. “You should definitely let me put on some music.”
They were alone in the pool, dawn barely breaking over the horizon. Wei Ying had come into the pool alongside Lan Zhan, getting in the water before anyone else was even allowed officially. The water pulsed in the fluorescent lights, slapping quietly against the side of the pool. But it was quiet enough that Lan Zhan knew Wei Ying could hear his quiet huff of amusement.
Lan Zhan leaned over to his steps, pulling the speaker out of his seat. He hit play on his phone and the sound of a solo piano echoed around the pool. Wei Ying listened, still and focused, before he let out a laugh that sent effervescence through Lan Zhan’s body. He felt like he was floating as he sat down on the pool’s edge, thighs spread and feet dangling into the water on either side of Wei Ying’s shoulders.
“I thought you should have some good music,” Lan Zhan teased. Wei Ying poked him with a damp finger before he smiled again.
“Do I know the player?” Wei Ying guessed, hands running up under the edges of Lan Zhan’s shorts.
“Mn,” Lan Zhan nodded. He pulled off his ugly polo shirt and tossed it onto the steps. Wei Ying’s hand drifted up to press at the mark peeking out of the waistband of his swim trunks. His mouth had bit it into Lan Zhan’s skin last night, eyes dark. Wei Ying bore similar marks, revealed by his swim trunks, blooming red, telling any one who saw them that he was Lan Zhan’s.
Wei Ying shot backwards, pulling to Lan Zhan’s legs until he slipped into the water. When he surfaced, blinking the water out of his eyes, Wei Ying was already just out of reach. “Catch me,” he challenged. “Catch me and you can leave another mark wherever you want.”
Lan Zhan lunged forward, ready to meet the challenge.