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Bokuto wasn't one to sit down and have a cup of coffee.
The thought of being on a chair doing absolutely nothing but drinking a bitter liquid wasn’t appealing to the energetic Bokuto.
But as he passed by a coffee shop and spotted a boy with black curls and a neutral face through the window,
Bokuto decided to sit down and have a cup of coffee.
Bokuto walked into the shop and walked to the boy. And as the person he was, he wasn’t afraid to talk to a stranger.
“Hey hey hey!”
The boy, who was concentrating on the phone in his hand, slammed the phone face down on the table at the loud voice of a man, bumping his arm into the coffee he had beside him.
Bokuto reacted quickly, catching the cup just in time that only a few drops of coffee spilled on his hand.
“I’m so sorry!” Bokuto carefully placed the cup back on the table, feeling slightly embarrassed about the first impression he had with the boy.
He didn't say anything, staring at the guy who randomly came up to him. He watched as the guy bowed.
”...who are you?” He finally said.
Bokuto looked up, meeting the boy's blue eyes. His heart skipped a beat.
”I uh...my name is Koutaru Bokuto.” He waited for the boy to say his name, but was met with silence. Instead, Bokuto sat down in a chair next to the boy, who looked at him strangely.
Bokuto twiddled with his fingers while bouncing his legs, looking around the shop. The boy sighed.
”Do you not stay still?”
”No.” Bokuto said with a wide smile. The boy raised an eyebrow but didn't try to hide the small smile forming.
”Akaashi. Keiji Akaashi.”
---
Every day after volleyball practice, Bokuto passed by the coffee shop to see if Akaashi was there but to no avail. Bokuto being Bokuto, he had forgotten to ask the person he wanted to know better for his number.
So as his only hope, he checked the coffee shop every day at the same time for Akaashi. It took two weeks for Bokuto to see Akaashi again.
Excitement filled Bokuto as he saw Akaashi in the same spot, this time just staring off into the distance with a half-eaten pastry in front of him.
”Akaashi!”
Akaashi jumped at the loud voice saying his name, but he knew only one person in his life would sound like that.
Even though this was their second encounter, Akaashi already knew from the voice it was Bokuto.
”Hey.” He simply said back. Bokuto, with a bright smile on his face, sat in front of Akaashi, his yellow owl eyes piercing Akaashi’s navy blue eyes.
"What are you eating?" The curious Bokuto stared at the pastry in front of Akaashi. Akaashi looked down as if he did not know the answer, before snapping out of it and pushing the plate towards Bokuto. Akaashi watched as Bokuto's golden yellow eyes glowed at the pastry presented in front of him. He quickly grabbed it and took a bite.
"It's something with raspberries I believe." Akaashi finally said. He snorted when Bokuto immediately placed the pastry down, as if disgusted by it, only to jump slightly when Bokuto began to glare at him.
He didn't like being stared at like that.
"How did you know I like raspberries? Are you some kind of wizard?" The seriousness in Bokuto's voice was enough to make Akaashi burst out in laughter, something that made Bokuto's whole body crawl with goosebumps.
"No, you idiot I didn't. I just happen to like raspberries as well."
"We have so much in common!" Bokuto said excitingly. extending his hand. "Let's be friends."
The smile that was left on Akaashi's face faded. With Bokuto and his crazy remarks, Akaashi had forgotten that getting close to someone was something he was better off not doing.
But there was something about the owl boy in front of him that, for some reason, made him want to know him better. So defying all the alerts and rules placed in his mind, Akaashi shook Bokuto's hand.
---
It's been a week since Akaashi was in the coffee shop with Bokuto. They had exchanged numbers and Akaashi was expecting Bokuto to text first. However, a text never came.
Nervously, Akaashi decided to text first. Deep inside, he missed talking to that lunatic Bokuto.
Akaashi
[Hi. It's Akaashi.]
Not even a minute later, Akaashi felt a buzz.
Bokuto
[Hey Hey Hey! I was waiting for you to text me first!]
Akaashi
[Why?]
Bokuto
[I just knew you would!]
Akaashi smiled, nodding his head as he placed his phone beside him, and sat in silence.
Stupid Bokuto. He was right though.
Another buzz came from his phone.
Bokuto
[Do you want to do something?]
Akaashi
[Like?]
Bokuto
[You can come with me to volleyball practice!]
The thought of just being with Bokuto made Akaashi strangely happy. It was better than staying at home with his parents. After agreeing to meet at the coffee shop, Akaashi quickly got out of his house and made his way to the coffee shop. When he was close, he could see the outline of the man he has been getting close to in the short time they knew each other.
"Akaashi!" Bokuto yelled out as if they have been friends for years. Akaashi only waved. After catching up to Bokuto, the two began to make their way to the closest gym.
"How long have you played volleyball?" Bokuto beamed at the question under the setting sun.
"I go way back with volleyball." He said as he took out the volleyball he had in his bag, tossing it up into the air. "I'm the ace for my team!"
"That's cool. I used to play as a setter." Akaashi looked at Bokuto confused as he stopped and dropped the ball in shock.
"You play volleyball??" Akaashi snorted.
"I used to. Back in Middle School."
"No way!! Can you set for me?" Akaashi looked up at the sky, thinking. Bokuto couldn't help but notice the small breeze of that warm spring day flew through every curl of Akaashi's hair gently. And the setting sun danced on his white skin, giving it the color of golden honey.
Bokuto was no mesmerized that when Akaashi looked back at him to answer his question, he didn't look away.
"...Bokuto?" Akaashi said, feeling awkward under Bokuto's glare. Akaashi wasn't oblivious to notice the number of times Bokuto looked at him the way someone would look at their lover.
He never thought he would experience the feeling of someone caring for him. He couldn't imagine it in his wildest dreams. But now that it was happening, especially with someone that seemed to have a big heart for anyone like Bokutos', Akaashi was scared.
He didn't want someone to get attached to him.
Akaashi stepped back, coughing to grab Bokutos' attention. Bokuto blinked and looked up, finally out of his daze.
"Yes." Akaashi decided it was best to not bring it up and deal with it himself later. "I can set for you." Bokuto gave a wide smile that caused his eyelids to shut.
And at that moment, Akaashi knew that he had to do something before it was too late.
---
"You're amazing Akaashi!" Bokuto yelled from across the court after retrieving the ball Akaashi set for Bokuto to spike. Akaashi smiled, gesturing for Bokuto to give him back the ball. However, quite unexpectedly, Bokuto threw the ball to the side and sat down on the floor, patting the spot next to him for Akaashi to sit as well. Akaashi hesitated, but ultimately made his way next to Bokuto, makings sure to sit a few feet away.
"I didn't take you for the kind of guy to play volleyball. You seem more of a chill book kind of guy." Bokuto joked. Akaashi smiled.
"You're not wrong. I just happen to like volleyball and 'chill books'." Bokuto looked at him like it was the best thing he has ever heard. Anything that Akaashi said seemed interesting to Bokuto.
"Which team do you play with? We could be playing against each other someday. Isn't that amazing?" With every sentence, Bokuto got closer to Akaashi, almost reaching his face. Akaashi regretted sitting near the corner of the gym.
"I uh...like I said before. I used to play in Middle School. I don't play on a team anymore." This made Bokuto slump back to his spot with a pout on his face.
"Your school team is missing out."
"I don't know about that. They don't even know I exist." As soon as Akaashi said that, he mentally cursed himself out. He knew that Bokuto would ask about it and he didn't want to tell him about it. He shifted uncomfortably in his spot, waiting for Bokuto to say something. However, he was surprised to see Bokuto get up and get his bag.
"It's late. We should be heading back." Akaashi took the chance and nodded, getting the ball Bokuto threw and following him out of the gym.
Indeed it has gotten late. They were so distracted by playing volleyball that they didn't notice how late with was. The two boys made their way to the coffee shop to say goodbye from there. Neither of them said a word, which Akaashi found strange since in the three encounters they have had it's always Bokuto starting the conversation.
It took everything in Akaashi to stay silent.
But he failed.
"Playing volleyball with you was fun. I'm glad we got to play together." Bokuto looked at him, his yellow eyes glowing despite it being dark outside. Akaashi gulped and looked away before he could feel awkward.
"Ahh I wish you played in my school team," Bokuto said, extending his arms up in a stretch. "You seem to...understand my spikes."
That was the most sincere thing Akaashi has ever heard Bokuto say. He turned his face to face the street, feeling it become read.
Seriously? A comment about volleyball is what got him?
Bokuto laughed and nudged Akaashi on the shoulder.
"Stop hiding your face Akaashi. I like seeing it."
Since when did Bokuto get this confident in giving genuine compliments? It didn't help Akaashi any better, as he felt his face become hotter. If it were a winter evening, he would have wrapped a scarf around his face and blamed the redness on the cold.
Akaashi didn't say a word back and Bokuto took it as a sign to stop talking. When they made it to the front of the coffee shop, they bid their goodbyes and went their separate ways.
When Akaashi made it home, he found it empty, which was a relief. He quickly took a shower to take off the sweat and fell onto his bed.
His mind raced with the black and white-haired owl he met only a month ago. He let out a small scream on his pillow before rolling onto his back to stare at his ceiling.
Maybe Bokuto could help him. If only he didn't reject him the way he planned to do.
---
The more the months passed, the more Bokuto and Akaashi talked. With important volleyball games coming up for his team, Bokuto was unable to meet up with Akaashi, which was made know through their multiple texts that it made Bokuto upset enough to perform worse in practice.
Akaashi wondered how much of a pain that had to be to the team.
Because of this, Akaashi fell back into the same routine of school, sometimes coffee shop, and home when he would be alone. If he wasn't going to be home alone, he stayed at a nearby library to do school work.
It was on a walk to the library that Akaashi ran into Bokuto.
Akaashi was the first to notice him and contemplated whether to say hi or run to the nearest alleyway and stay hidden until he passed by. It wasn't like he didn't like Bokuto. He just knew, or at least felt, that getting close to him would only hurt Bokuto in the end.
Just as he was about to hide somewhere, he jumped when he heard Bokuto say his name. It was too late.
"Hi." Akaashi greeted back. Bokuto ran to him smiling.
"I was about to text you. I finished practice early so we should go somewhere!' Akaashi nodded followed Bokuto to wherever he wanted to go. In a few minutes, they were at the coffee shop they first met in.
Bokuto wasn't one to sit down and have a cup of coffee, but just for Akaashi, he wanted to sit down and have a cup of coffee.
When they entered, the fresh scent of coffee entered their noses. Akaashi sighed. It felt nice to be there again. Akaashi sat down in his usual spot as Bokuto went to buy them what he said was a surprise. However, Akaashi somewhat knew that he would bring coffee and that pastry.
When Bokuto sat down, his hands began to fidget, as if the action of staying still was an impossible concept. Bokuto shook his head, but couldn't help but smile.
"Here." He split the pastry in two, some of the raspberry filling getting on his hand. He paid no attention to it though as he gave the other half to Bokuto, who gladly took it and practically inhaled the pastry into his mouth. Akaashi snorted.
"If you like the raspberry pastry so much you should have gotten two." Bokuto shook his head stubbornly, looking straight at Akaashi afterward.
"No. I wanted to share it with you."
"But you would get less."
"Doesn't matter."
Akaashi couldn't help but smiled.
"You're an idiot Bokuto-san."
---
"I want you to be at my graduation Akaashi!"
The two boys were in Bokuto's room, watching a movie on Akaashi's laptop. Bokuto made sure to have many snacks prepared, even asking Akaashi what his favorite ones were to have anything that he liked.
Akaashi didn't answer, staring slightly off into the distance. It was only when Bokuto snapped his fingers on his face that his attention was directed back to Bokuto.
"Sorry...uh...what did you say?" Akaashi said with guilt all over his face.
"I said I want you at my graduation."
"Oh...when is it?"
"Two months away. I want to see you there!"
"Sure." Akaashi went back to the movie, picking up a piece of popcorn and playing with it between his fingers.
Bokuto had noticed as the weeks went by that Akaashi became more distant and strange. Bokuto wanted to ask but felt like he would be intruding, which was something he didn't want to do with Akaashi. Instead, he also directed his attention to the movie, which was almost over. Twenty minutes passed when the movie ended. Bokuto got up to turn the lights back on as Akaashi closed his laptop.
"Did you not like the sour candies? You said you liked them." Akaashi gave a small smile as he looked at the bowl of sour candies, which was indeed still full.
"I like them but I didn't feel like eating them today that's all." Seeing the concern on Bokuto's face, he picked one of the candies and plopped it in his mouth.
"So good. I'll take the rest home." Bokuto didn't say anything, only looking at Akaashi. Normally, Akaashi would turn around in embarrassment if Bokuto stared at him. This time, however, Akaashi looked at the wall in front of him, playing with the same popcorn he was playing with as before.
"You look like death." Bokuto finally said, trying to lift the tension with a joke. Akaashi gave a small snort.
"That's funny."
"Have you been sleeping well?" Akaashi looked up at Bokuto, his eyes showing less life than they did a week ago.
"Don't worry about me Bokuto-san. I'm fine." In an act of courage, Bokuto made his way to Akaashi and sat next to him, grabbing his free hand. Akaashi jolted up, almost snatching his hand away from Bokuto's but Bokuto's strong grip on his hand not letting him.
"You know you can tell me anything Akaashi." Bokuto's sincere smile gained some life into Akaashi's face, as a small red tint appeared on his cheeks.
"I know."
Akaashi didn't say thank you. Not yet. He knew that the 'I know' was enough to signal to Bokuto that he was thankful for having him in his life.
---
When graduation came, Bokuto's worry for Akaashi increased. Even though they had only met almost a year ago, Bokuto felt so much for Akaashi, whether he liked to admit it or not.
The more attached he got, the more he noticed.
Akaashi was eating less, and it would sometimes take a minute for Bokuto to get his attention. Akaashi rarely smiled, and when he did it would be so faint it was hardly noticeable. The circles under his eyes became darker the more the days passed, and Akaashi's already white skin became ghostly.
Bokuto fidgeted in his spot as they called names up for their diplomas. He was excited to finally graduate and progress in the higher leagues of volleyball. However, he was upset to not see Akaashi anywhere in the crowd. Akaashi had told him he would be there.
When Bokuto heard his name being called, he almost ran to the stage in excitement, ready to receive his diploma. When he was leaving the stage with the diploma in his hand, he faced the crowd one last time, when something caught his eye.
In the far end of the crowd leaning against the wall, he spotted Akaashi.
"AKAASHI!" Bokuto wasn't afraid to shout, waving his diploma to him smiling.
His smile faded when Akaashi didn't react. He could have sworn he yelled loud enough to be heard. Not even caring that he had to go back to his seat, Bokuto ran off the stage to get to Akaashi.
"Hey," Bokuto said in his gentlest voice. Akaashi looked up at him as if he didn't recognize him. But after a bit, Akaashi gave a weak smile.
"Bokuto-san. Congratulations."
"Are you okay?" Bokuto asked, not caring about invading anymore. Something was going on. Akaashi nodded. Bokuto grabbed Akaashi's shoulders, which made him flinch.
"No. Akaashi don't think I haven't noticed the changes. You aren't the same. What is going on?" Akaashi suddenly slapped Bokuto's hands off his shoulders, which surprised him.
"I'm fine Bokuto." He said roughly, his eyes dim. Bokuto went to grab Akaashi's hand but Akaashi stepped back.
"Don't touch me!" Bokuto froze in his spot. He didn't mean to harm Akaashi in a way where he had to scream at him. He didn't even know what he did wrong. Akaashi seemed to have realized what he had done, guilt clear in his face.
"I'm sorry," Was all Akaashi could say before tears began to flow down his cheek. Bokuto quickly walked up to Akaashi, worry all over his face.
"Akaashi please talk to me. I care about you so much it pains me to see you like this. Please Akaashi."
Akaashi gave his best attempt of a smile, this time grabbing Bokuto's hand in his.
"No, it's...I'm just...really happy for you."
---
It had been three days since Bokuto's graduation. Bokuto didn't even have time to talk to Akaashi after he started crying, and he quickly said one last congratulation before running out of the venue, leaving a worried Bokuto behind.
Bokuto wanted so bad to text him, call him, anything to communicate to him to talk. However, he felt like it was best to leave Akaashi alone for a bit before talking again.
On that day, he took out his phone and hovered his fingers over the keyboard, debating whether to text Akaashi or not. Finally, Bokuto held his breath as he began to text.
Bokuto
[Akaashi. Hey.]
Bokuto didn't think anything of it when he didn't answer that day. However, when the next day passed with not even a read symbol, he began to worry.
Bokuto
[Hello?]
Nothing.
Bokuto
[Akaashi please answer.]
...
Bokuto
[Has something happened?]
...
Bokuto
[I'm going to call you if you don't answer.]
...
Bokuto
[I'm calling you.]
Bokuto called Akaashi five times, but each time it ended with his voicemail. Bokuto threw his phone on his bed, running his hands through his hair. His worry got worse the more the weeks passed.
Weeks without hearing anything from Akaashi.
Bokuto was losing it, his mind wandering to the worse case scenarios. He could barely concentrate on anything he did.
After five weeks of trying to reach Akaashi unsuccessfully, reaching the end of summer, Bokuto finally felt his phone buzz.
Akaashi
[Bokuto...]
Bokuto didn't hesitate to press the call button, waiting for Akaashi to answer. After three rings, he heard a mumbled hello.
"AKAASHI? WHAT THE HELL? I'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU. WHAT HAPPENED?"
"I'm sorry. Can we just meet up?" Akaashi didn't have to say where, as Bokuto already knew where.
"I better get an explanation. I'll meet you soon." Hanging up, he ran out of the voice, reaching the coffee shop in mere minutes, seeing Akaashi already there. Bokuto, with tears in his eyes, engulfed Akaashi in a tight hug.
If he had hugged him any tighter, Bokuto might have broken Akaashi. He was barely there, his body small and weak. Bokuto could easily pick him up.
"Bokuto-san..."
"What happened Akaashi?" Bokuto said as he buried his face into Akaashi's boney neck, getting it wet with tears. "You didn't text me or anything for more than a month."
"Bokuto...please..."
"I thought I had lost you. Damn it Akaashi I thought you were gone."
"Bokuto."
Akaashi stopped hugging back and did his best to get Bokuto to face him. When he finally did, Akaashi felt guilty seeing Bokuto's red eyes. He slowly placed his cold hand over Bokuto's cheek, wiping away any tears.
"I'm okay Bokuto. Seriously. I just...felt weird after the last time we met."
Bokuto's eyes filled up with more tears as he shook Akaashi lightly.
"Damn it Akaashi you're killing me here. You should have at least said you wanted time away from me." Akaashi swallowed the lump in his throat away, caressing Bokuto's cheek.
"I know. I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you." Bokuto's yellow eyes glowed.
"Let's go to the park." Akaashi gave a genuine confused expression.
"Why?" Bokuto gave a small smile as he grabbed Akaashi's hand, guiding him.
"Just cause."
---
When they reached the park, it was already night time. The park was more of an area of hills, but that was enough for Bokuto.
Bokuto wasn't one to just sit down and talk. However, just for Keiji Akaashi, he was willing to just sit down and talk.
After what Bokuto said to be the perfect spot, the two sat down in silence. Both of them had a million things to say, but a million reasons not to.
Instead, still holding Bokuto's hand, Akaashi pulled them both down with the strength he had left, causing them to lay flat on their backs on the grass.
"Look Bokuto-san." Akaashi pointed at the stars above them.
"Stars."
Bokuto only looked at Akaashi, to which Akaashi noticed seconds later. When Akaashi turned his head to face Bokuto, their breathing mixed.
"I always believed that the stars were people. Each star has a beginning, a story, and an end, just like a human."
Bokuto never talked like this before. However, for Akaashi, he didn't stop.
"Surprising or not, stars fascinate me. Every time I remember them, I look up and try to find the brightest star in the galaxy. I wanted to find one and claim it as my own, say 'Look. That star is me! The brightest one." Bokuto lifted his hand and gently rubbed Akaashi's cheek.
"I was so naïve. The brightest star isn't in the sky. The brightest star is here. I can touch him. I can talk to him. I can laugh with him, eat raspberry pastries with him.
You, Keiji Akaashi, are the brightest star. Although it's not me, I still want to claim it. Is that greedy?" Bokuto gave a small laugh.
"Akaashi." He said in a whisper. "My Brightest Star."
Bokuto smiled at Akaashi, whose eyes twinkled under the stars. None could compete with Akaashi. They tried, but Akaashi glowed brightly.
Akaashi sat up and quickly planted himself on top of Bokuto, doing his best to get his arms under Bokuto's body.
"Shit..." Akaashi mumbled under his breath. "Why...why did you have to say that now." Akaashi felt Bokuto's chest rise and fall in a laugh, his eyes filling with tears as he felt Bokuto play with his hair.
"I don't know. After not seeing you for so long, I just had to say it. Was I good? It came straight from the heart."
"It was perfect but just..why...why me?" Akaashi struggled to ask. Bokuto sat up and adjusted Akaashi in a cradling position, with Akaashi's legs wrapping around Bokuto's waist.
Bokuto's kind smile made Akaashi cry harder.
"Are you stupid Akaashi? Since the day I spilled your coffee I liked you. It only grew when I got to know who you were."
"Bokuto..." Akaashi was cut off when Bokuto brought him into another hug. Akaashi hesitated at first, with his arms going up and down then up again, finally hugging back.
Tears wet Bokuto's shirt.
"I want you. Badly. I'm so selfish."
"I'm all yours Akaashi. Forever until the end."
"I'm so sorry Bokuto."
Bokuto let go of Akaashi to face him one last time. Blue met with yellow.
"For what? Being the best person in my life?" Bokuto didn't understand why Akaashi cried harder with every word, but he let him, rubbing his back with one hand and wiping his tears with the other.
Akaashi tried to get a steady breath but failed. Bokuto looked at him, soothing him the best he can. Akaashi placed his face on Bokuto's chest, giving him one last hug.
"Thank you Bokuto."
---
When Bokuto got home, he couldn't contain his excitement and joy. He was overfilled with happiness, still being able to feel Akaashi's warmth on his body.
Bokuto insisted on taking Akaashi home. Hand in hand and in silence, they walked to Akaashi's house. It was dark, too dark to see the front curtain slightly pulled back. Akaashi seemed to have noticed it though, as he quickly let go of Bokuto's hand as if it was hot lava, waving and entering his house without saying a word.
Bokuto decided to wait outside a bit to ensure he was safe inside, not even noticing the curtain. When he felt like it was all good, he smiled and whistled his way back home, joy blinding all his other senses.
Bokuto immediately decided to text Akaashi when he lied down on his bed, missing him already.
Bokuto
[I just wanted to say goodnight...goodnight :) <3]
Were the emojis too much? Bokuto didn't care. He happily sent it not caring about the consequences, as he thought there weren't any.
Akaashi never answered.
---
Two days passed since Bokuto's amazing night with Akaashi. Although Akaashi hadn't answered his text yet, Bokuto waited patiently for him not giving it a second thought.
He couldn't wait for him to answer though, as he wanted desperately to tell him about his plans to join top league volleyball teams, his top pick being MSBY.
As he played a game on his phone, he heard a knock on the door. Without waiting for a response, his mom came into the room.
"Bokuto? Please tell me it's not true?" Bokuto looked at his mom confused, which only made his mom burst into tears.
"Mom, what happened?" He asked concerned, never seeing his mom like that before.
"Akaashi...your friend" Bokuto didn't even have the energy to correct her. Something was wrong with Akaashi.
"What about him?"
Bokuto's mom could barely speak. Desperation began to fill Bokuto.
"Mom please tell me why are you crying about Akaashi?"
"He...he was on t..the news. He was...was found..."
His mom didn't have to finish the sentence. Bokuto froze in his place, his mind spiraling.
Dead. Akaashi was found dead.
---
The news of Akaashi's death spread like wildfire across town. Everyone already knew the details of death, something Bokuto struggled to accept.
The morning after Bokuto dropped off Akaashi at his home, a friend of his went to visit, only to find the house silent. The friend made his way to the side of the house to look for Akaashi through the window of his room. However, the curtains were slightly closed, with only a small portion of it still open.
The friend saw feet inches off the floor.
When the police came to the house to investigate, they saw Akaashi hanging from his bedroom ceiling, a brown dusted belt that connected his neck to the ceiling. When they were able to get him off, they noticed bleeding the bruising all around his torso and face, and handprints around his neck. The police suspected a murder cover-up until they described a note written in Akaashi's handwriting, stating his will to die.
Akaashi committed suicide.
The cause of the bruising and bleeding still unknown.
Everything in Bokuto's mind started to fit in like a puzzle. The flinches when Bokuto would go out to touch him, his deteriorating health, him dozing off constantly, his last words to Bokuto, it all made sense.
Akaashi was in pain.
Bokuto kept himself locked in his room, silent in his thoughts.
If only he knew. If only he had spoken to him. Why? Why did Akaashi do it? Could it have been prevented?
Bokuto refused to cry. The pain was already unbearable. Crying to him would make it worse, as it would mean ultimate defeat.
Months after Akaashi's death, Bokuto wanted to visit him. With the little strength he had, Bukuto visited the closest cemetery, assuming he was there. Making his way through each headstone, the names began to mix.
Each one of them was a person, someone who breathed, someone who lived. But in the end, it didn't matter. Everyone ends up bunched up together under the earth's soil.
After going through what felt like thousands, Bokuto stopped at one.
Keiji Akaashi
Staring at his name engraved into the stone, he realized at that moment how badly he didn't want to see his name there. He had wished that he couldn't find his name on any of the tombstones and that Akaashi would suddenly appear and hug Bokuto as tightly as Bokuto wanted to hug him.
But this was reality.
”I’ll be quick Kenma.” Bokuto heard a man say. He ignored it as he continued to look at each letter in Akaashi’s name.
He was only brought out of his trance when he felt someone behind him. He turned around to spot a tall man, around his height, with dark hair covering one of his eyes and kind looking eyes.
Bokuto moved aside a bit, thinking he was in the man’s to get to another person. However, the man stood next to him, looking down at Akaashi’s tombstone.
”Are you...by any chance...Bokuto?”
Confused, he nodded. The guy let out a small laugh.
”Akaashi talked about you every time we spoke. I wanted to rip my ears out after the hundredth time.”
”Who are you?” Bokuto asked, ignoring the joke he said.
”My name’s Kuroo Tetsurou.”
Bokuto nodded in acknowledgment, not feeling in the mood to talk. Kuroo seemed to understand for a bit until he wanted to speak again.
”Akaashi and I were classmates. He wasn't the most talkative guy. He only talked to me and sometimes my boyfriend Kenma. But it was rare for us to speak to each other."
Bokuto didn't understand why Kuroo, who he didn't even know, was telling him that. However, he didn't stop it, staying silent.
"I'm just..." Kuroo balled up his hands into fists "that life was cruel enough to take someone as kind as Akaashi."
"I..." Bokuto finally spoke. "I wonder why he did it."
"I think I know." Kuroo waited for Bokuto to ask what it was, but took his silence as curiosity anyways.
"I only found out about this when I forced it out of Akaashi. He looked horrible and he wouldn't tell me why. I know it was wrong of me to make him say it but I don't regret it."
Kuroo paused, licking his lips.
"Akaashi's parents...they...they found out Akaashi liked men. They weren't accepting."
Bokuto's heart dropped to his stomach. Guilt and pain washed over him as Kuroo finished his final sentence.
"They abused him."
Bokuto didn't know what to do with that information. It trickled down his body like cold water, making him shiver.
Akaashi...
He wanted to scream at them. Scream at the soil, scream at the galaxy. Anything to blame for taking away his Akaashi.
But nothing. He refused to give them what they wanted. Bokuto knew well now that what the world wanted from him was pain.
But this made Bokuto feel guilty. He shouldn't be feeling the way he did when he now knew that Akaashi went through worse, enough to want to leave.
"If only I knew. I could have made him happy. I thought he was happy." Bukuto angrily wiped away tears that threatened to escape his eyes. All these new emotions rushed in that he was unfamiliar with. But one was strong enough to yell at him that crying was pointless and hurt him more than they should. He didn't want to feel any pain for himself when he should be feeling pain for Akaashi.
His tears were for his own pain from losing Akaashi, not Akaashi's pain.
Kuroo sighed, looking down.
"I don't think it would have worked. The temporary happiness you gave could not account for the permanent pain they gave him."
No. Bokuto refused to believe it. He could have saved Akaashi if he just knew...
"Have you even grieved?"
This made Bokuto snapped, reaching up for Kuroo's collar and lifting him slightly.
"Of course I have! Akaashi meant the world to me in the short period that I knew him. Of course I would grieve over his pain and death."
Kuroo didn't look scared, instead, his eyes were full of sympathy, which made Bokuto angrier. Who was this guy to ask him such a question?
Close to punching him, Bokuto finally heard Kuroo talk.
"No. Have you grieved for yourself?"
"Why would I do that? It's selfish I'm not the one dead!"
"Bokuto...you're hurting. Not only for Akaashi but for yourself. You just lost someone who meant everything to you. Your pain is not only for Akaashi but for you. It's not selfish if you grieve for the pain you are experiencing."
Kuroo paused, thinking if he should say the remaining things he wanted to say. Sighing, he opened his mouth once more.
"Akaashi's pain is gone. He doesn't feel it anymore."
As if finally understand, or just overflowed with desperation, Bokuto collapsed to his knees, finally crying for his pain caused by Akaashi leaving.
How selfish of him...he thought
---
When Bokuto got home, he was relieved to see it empty. He didn't want anyone hearing him. Reaching his bedroom, he sat down on the floor, not caring it was cold. He took off his jacket and threw it to the ground. All the crying made him frustrated.
However, something fell out of the jacket pocket that caught his eye. When he went to pick it up, he immediately dropped it, clasping his hands over his mouth to prevent a scream of pain to come out.
It was a star. One that Bokuto cut out and drew on with a yellow crayon he had in his drawer. On it, he had written a message to Akaashi.
'Forever The Brightest Star.'
He was so engulfed with his own grief that he had forgotten to leave the yellow star with Akaashi. Hot tears escaped his eyes again as he angrily ran his hands over his already disastrous hair.
He promised himself that the next time he went to visit Akaashi, he won't be stupid enough to forget to leave him a star.
---
It's been over a year since Akaashi died. It hasn't gotten any better for Bokuto, as the more the days went by the more he felt pain from Akaashi's absence. He could barely walk passed by the coffee shop they first met without wanting to scream in pain and just the thought of raspberries made him want to throw up.
However, today was different.
When Bokuto got up from his bed, he wasn't surprised to see it was already evening. He rarely left his bed, usually curled up in a ball crying in the darkness.
Bokuto didn't know why, but that day he wanted to get up and do something. So getting ready, he locked the door of his house and began to walk slowly anywhere his feet took him.
Night has already begun to appear when Bokuto reached the park of hills.
Finding the perfect spot, he lied down on the grass to face the galaxy. Bokuto refused to look at the night sky, knowing all the stars would gaze back at him.
All the people that had their beginning, their story, and their end.
Like Akaashi.
But on that day, he couldn't look away at the beautiful night sky. Each star twinkled as if they were trying to communicate through their rays of light. In that dark galaxy, they glowed.
All those people lit up the darkness, giving it life.
Bokuto had forgotten the feeling of protection when he looked at the stars. Knowing that there were people in the sky looking down at him, he felt protected and warm.
His gaze followed the path of stars. They seemed to be reaching out to one special star.
And when Bokuto saw it, he began to cry.
For all those stars, all those people pointed to the one that glowed over the others.
The Brightest Star in the Galaxy.
As the stars wrapped him in light, Bokuto smiled for the first time in a year.
He had found it. He found Akaashi. His brightest star.
-end-