Chapter Text
Resettng the Board
Harry had been there to greet her at the airport. As had Benny, Mike, Matt, Jolene and others. But, it was Harry that she was the most happy to see. She was as happy as she could be to be sober; to look at him clearly, unlike the last time. She didn't want to dwell, but she had been a train wreck that day and he had been so honest, so genuine in his concern for her. She on the other hand had been drunk and stoned and in such a deep fucking hole that she couldn't see, or wasn't willing to take the hand he was offering. When she saw him at the airport, she hugged him the hardest and the longest, hoping no one would notice, but knowing everyone did. He had not known what to make of it. He had smiled cautiously and blushed at her apparently lucid excitement. The group had celebrated that night, but she had refrained from drinking, which pleased both Benny and Harry, who each had a few beers. Beth stuck to her Perrier, the sparkling water she discovered in Paris. She wondered how long this dry spell would last, but quickly dismissed the thought. Why entertain losing when she was so good at winning?
Jolene and Benny held out the longest until Jolene told the 'skinny cracker' that they needed to leave and in separate vehicles. Benny pouted in mock disappointment and put on his hat and coat and followed her out the door. When Beth returned from seeing her friends to their respective vehicles, she found Harry at the piano. He had never shown much interest in it when he lived there, but now, he look at it with a new reverence.
“I'm sorry about your mother,” he said, breaking the momentary silence.
“I know,” she replied. “You've said it before.”
“Yeah,” he said, looking down at the the piano keys. “I did. But I don't think you heard me.”
She hadn't approached the piano, leaning, instead, on the arching frame that separated the foyer from the living room. She looked at the carpet, worrying it with the toe of her shoe. “Maybe not.”
“It must have been-”
“Harry,” she said, cutting him off. “I don't want to talk about mother right now. I want to talk about you.”
His eyes rose in surprise, not only that she had interrupted him, but that she wanted to talk about him. “Me?”
She left the entry frame and walked to the piano, scooting in next to him on the bench. She thought about placing a hand on his thigh, but figured the act was too forward, given their past.
“I've been thinking about what I would say to you when I came home. I can't tell you how sorry I am for the way I treated you. Not just at the school event, but before.”
“Beth, you-”
“Let me talk, Harry,” she said softly. “I need to say this. I used you, Harry. I was lonely and I was desperate for someone. Mother was dead. The house was empty. I was alone. Your call was a lifeline. I wanted to you to come. I needed someone to distract me from the grief, I guess.”
“I guessed that pretty quickly,” he said, taking the small opening of her silence. “But, I wanted you, Beth. At first I was ecstatic to be living with you. You were-
“The love of your life?” she finished for him.
“The girl of my dreams,” he corrected, turning to smile at her.
“I should have let you tell me, Harry,” she said, regretfully. “I don't know what good it would have done for either of us, but I should not have been so damn obvious in deflecting it.”
“I was in love you, Beth,” he said plainly. “You were the reason-”
“You got your teeth fixed?” she finished for him again, lightly elbowing him in the side.
He laughed and so did she, but they were both still in the midst of a serious conversation.
“Yes,” he said, turning to her. “I wanted to be better for you. I know it was just dental work, but I didn't want to be ashamed of it next time I saw you. If I ever saw you again.”
“You had nothing to be ashamed of Harry,” she said. “You were the best chess player in the state. Look, there is more I want to say. About the sex. How I treated you. I am so sorry.”
He placed a hand on hers, which rested on her thigh, and they met each others eyes. Throughout the conversation, they had been tenuous about eye contact.
“Let's not relive the past, okay?” he said. “Suffice to say, it was regrettable. I am grateful that you want to apologize, but I'm more concerned about tonight. I'm still here. Everyone else is gone. The light is low. Are you trying the seduce me, Beth?”
She arched an eyebrow. “What if I was?”
“If you were, I would have to give you fair warning.”
“What warning is that?” she asked, unsure if this was a playful game or some more serious.
“I'm not interested in sex.”
“You're not?” she said, confused, but smiling at the statement.
“I-I mean, I'm not interested in what we had before. I don't want to be some one you work out your grief or frustrations on. I'm over that I don't have time for treading water. Do you understand?
She squeezed his hand that was still in her and gently leaned into him and lightly kissed him on the lips. It was a tender kiss, unlike anything he had ever received from her before.
“What was that for?” he asked, as he opened his eyes and took in the closeness of her alabaster skin and the sheen of her red hair in the dim light, and the depths of her hazel eyes.
“For loving me even when I couldn't love you, much less myself.” She kissed him again, pressing harder, but not opening her mouth or making any moves he might find aggressive. She didn't want to scare him away.
“And that one?” he asked.
“That one was for being with Benny when he called Moscow. Quite summit you guys put together.”
The third kiss added some passion, again something Harry had never felt from her advances in the past. Energy, yes, even gusto, but nothing like a true desire to be with him, to share herself with him. He opened his lips to her an she did the same. She pulled away, waiting.
“Oh...yes,” he breathed. “What was that one for? I'm very curious about that one.”
“That one is for being at the airport to meet me tonight. Did you notice how excited I was to see you. Could you feel how hard I hugged you? Did you notice how long I held onto you?”
“I did,” he confessed. “I wasn't sure what to make of it.”
She kissed him again, deepening the kiss, letting her tongue enter his mouth and explore. She waited for him to do the same and was not disappointed. They kissed for a while; hands in hair, hand on necks, hands on waists. She touched his chest and took one of his and and made to have him touch hers. At that point, he drew back from their kissing.
“Beth,” he said, taking a deep breath, and taking her hand in his. “Wait.”
“What is it?” she asked, unsure why he had stopped.
He reach up and tucked stray hairs behind her left ear. “I'm not going to bed with you tonight.”
She broke his gaze, but continued holding his hands. “I know. I understand it. I think.”
“If you want me, I you to be sure that it is me and no just someone to have around. I don't want to be your security blanket. I want to be someone who truly matters to you. More than a friend. My feelings haven't changed. I love you., Beth. I love the whole you. Warts and all. That sounded kind of corny, but it's true.”
“I think I love you, too, Harry,” she said, meeting his eyes again. “More than a friend.”
“If that's true,” he said, with a genuine smile. “Let's find out. Go on dates. Have fun together. Get to know each other better.”
“I think I can do that,” she said, a tired smile pulling at her lips.
“So much thinking...” he said in mock frustration.
She kissed him lightly again, like the first one, and stood. “Do you want to stay in your old room?”
“No, I think I'll head home,” he said.
“Are you sure?” she asked, a feint plead in her tone. “If you don't want your old room, I can throw some blankets on the couch right here.”
“You know what? I think the blankets will be perfect. Driving home right now might not be the bet idea.”
She blinked and let out a sign of relief she hoped wasn't too obvious. She was home. She was sober. She was happy. But she didn't want to be alone. Looking at Harry, she knew he knew and that was why he decided to stay. She retrieved blankets and a pillow and made sure he would be comfortable before heading upstairs to bed.
When she woke up the next morning, she could smell something in the air. Dressing quickly and heading downstairs, she she was met with the heavenly smell of bacon. Entering the kitchen, she saw Harry leaning over the stove. She must have sensed her and he turned around holding a plate bacon and eggs.
“Good morning, Sleepyhead,” he said with a grin. “I was just making breakfast. Would you like some?”
She rushed to his side and took the plate, kissing his cheek. “Yes! More than anything in the world.”