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Exasperation followed her as she descended the stairs. Her crew was getting slower, extractions coming dangerously close to the designated deadline as Romeo became more self-assured by their success and she could feel her time with them was soon coming to an end. A shame, she would miss the thrill but even adrenaline could not make Shaw turn a blind eye to the rapidly growing possibility of a robbery gone wrong.
A plastic bag in one hand, she flexed her other fist. Days have passed since she worked a number and she craved an outlet - a finger squeezing the trigger, a fist connecting with skin and bone, not the lingering smell of perfume and fake smiles, the only thing besides a low pay check her day job could offer. The jacket she wore today felt wrong on her; the black leather restrained her chest as she tried to take a deep breath to release some of the tension simmering beneath, it’s presence her companion for a while now.
Deciding that time alone with quality food, the smell of cleaning oil and the feel of cool metal of her guns beneath her fingertips might calm her, Shaw continued her descent towards the subway station only to come to an abrupt halt. Sounds could be heard coming from the direction of the emergency cot the team set up and since she knew Finch was giving a lecture and John was dealing with a murder case with Fusco in tow (those bugs did prove quite handy), only one other possible source of voices remained.
Root. Alive.
And judging by the shuffle of dog paws on the floor and then a creek of the cot, Root was not alone.
It’d been days since Shaw last saw her in that hotel, looking like the end she so vehemently warned about had already come, and Finch’s conversation about winning the war at any cost rang in her ears every time she stealthily glanced at the security camera above her makeup counter, wondering if Samaritan had its eyes on the hacker’s lifeless body somewhere as well.
Relief was something she didn’t do, the implication that came with it too heavy, so she ignored the minute relaxation her body expressed at the renewed sound of Root’s voice and started to move. Perhaps she wasn’t as in tune with her own emotions as others were, but the brittle voice that could be heard made Shaw feel a tightening in her chest she wasn’t comfortable with at all. She strained to focus on the words being said yet the softness of Root’s voice made it difficult for her to discern them. Slowing down at the corner of the stairs, she chanced a glance inside the station.
There on the cot, in the ever present flickering of lights from the electric chandelier, sat Root with Bear next to her. A sling held her arm close to her body, a stark contrast to the white uniform of a chef she currently wore. With her shoulders slouched and the slow, jerky movements of her hand traveling through Bear’s fur, Root looked like hell would be a nice respite for her after the latest brush with Samaritan.
“- won’t survive this.” Root leaned her head against the wall behind her, her gaze turning upwards, exhaustion evident by the dark circles under her eyes.
Her hand stopped its motion through Bear’s fur.
“I need to hear Her voice again. Without Her-” Root’s voice broke, “This silence is terrifying.”
Tears fell, dropping on Bear’s fur. With a whine and a soft lick to her hand, Bear shuffled and placed his head on Root’s lap. Silence stretched and Shaw’s grip on the bag tightened, somehow knowing by the absence of light in Root’s gaze that her God kept silent. And then the realization hit her; those annoying run-ins with Root, the check-ups and flirtatious “How are you doing?”’s – all of it was just Root, not knowing how everyone was. Her connection to the all-seeing AI apparently gone, she hid the worry away behind layers of innuendo and teasing. And with the Machine silent, Root’s missions had her going in completely alone. Anger flared up inside Shaw, the image of Root shot down in a crossfire, abandoned under the never ending gaze of the same god she gave everything to until she had nothing more to give propelling her into motion.
Bear’s ears registered the sound of approaching footsteps, the tail wagging broadly alerting Root to her presence. Moving her hand from Bear’s head as he turned it to the direction the footsteps were coming from, Shaw saw as Root tried to quickly wipe away any evidence of tears from her face but then stopped sharply, jamming her eyes shut and cursing through clenched teeth, no doubt from the pain caused by her sudden movement. A scowl appeared on Shaw’s face at that, but was quickly replaced with a smile reserved only for Bear as he leaped from the cot and came to her, sniffing the contents of the bag curiously.
“Hello to you too, big guy,” Shaw crouched, Bear coming to nuzzle her outstretched hand. “I have something for you.”
Giving time for Root to compose herself, Shaw didn’t look her way as she started to rummage inside the bag. Bear moved back and forth beside her, eager with the smell of food filling the air as Shaw finally found what she was looking for and retrieved a big juicy bone, held firmly in her grip.
“Bear, zit,” Shaw commanded and Bear quickly sat down, his eyes never leaving the prize in her hand.
Extending her arm to allow Bear to take the bone, she glanced up and caught Root looking at her, an unreadable emotion on her face. Shaw could feel the weight of it on her skin, the emptiness present on the edges as if Root wasn’t completely there. A sliver of worry made itself know and she quickly tore her gaze away. Shaw patted Bear’s head and continued to look at him as he moved away to enjoy his food.
“What about me?” The playful tone was back, and when Shaw turned her head toward Root she could see her trademark smirk on her face again, as if it was never gone in the first place and she just imagined that look only moments before. “Did you bring me something?”
Shaw stood up and made her way to the cot. “No.”
Root’s smirk wavered for a second, her good hand starting to toy with the edge of the sling.
“Who are you supposed to be this time?” Shaw asked, sitting beside her on the cot and grabbing the sandwich from the bag. Removing the wrapping, she took a big bite and let out a small moan of appreciation, the flavors making her forget if only for a moment about her troubles with Romeo and the despondence Root was trying to hide.
Not getting an answer, Shaw looked up and caught Root staring at her lips as if transfixed. With an eye roll, she elbowed her lightly, making sure to not add any force to it, mindful of Root's injuries. That was enough to get Root out of her daze and see the scowl Shaw was so generously giving her.
“What? Oh, Hannah,” A sad smile flashed on her face, her voice softening a bit before returning to normal. “Hannah Karpinski. A pastry chef.”
Shaw noticed the name held some meaning for Root, but decided to let it slide for the time being; it was obviously something painful and she didn’t want to add to the growing list of the things that had Root so depressed.
“And did your new you get medical treatment for those wounds?” She managed to ask around the food in her mouth, motioning with her head to the sling Root’s arm currently occupied.
“Worrying about me Shaw? So sweet of you.” Root smiled and continued in a singsong voice, earning another eye roll from Shaw. “Ms. Karpinski thankfully has medical insurance which I put to good use. I’ll need a few days to recuperate but I’ll be ready for your handcuffs before you know it, don’t worry.”
Shaw shook her head at the wink Root sent her and looked away, her gaze serious as she looked to Bear resting in his bed, the chewed out bone beside him. She could see through Root’s flippant manner, the way she used it as a shield and usually Shaw would be fine with that. When things got too intense, things they came to understand but wouldn’t say, their language not made from words said out loud, but from those lying underneath, Root would usually diffuse the situation with a well-placed innuendo or flirting and they could pretend it didn’t mean anything at all. But this was something else and it made Shaw shudder.
“Root,” Her voice came out low. Root sensed the change of atmosphere and leaned away, ignoring the pain that surged up with the movement.
“She can’t talk to you, can she?” Shaw continued and Root looked away. “You have no backup.”
When Root didn’t answer, she turned, gaze boring into her, but still Root refused to acknowledge her. She kept her eyes forward, black fingernails scratching the edge of the sling again.
“Root,” Shaw tried once more, her voice getting harsher. Leaving the half eaten sandwich beside her, she turned more fully towards Root, watching as her breath became shallower and blinking more rapid. Shaw clenched her jaw.
“You can’t ignore this. You are going to get yourself killed if you continue like this.” Root swallowed hard, closing her eyes to stave off the tears beginning to form in her eyes.
Shaw’s frustration with her silence grew but the moment tears started to trail down Root’s cheeks, she felt it dissipate.
With a head shake, Shaw gently exhaled.
“Look at me.”
Her hand moved to cup Root’s face and she felt Root shudder at the contact. Root’s eyes opened, confusion and fear quickly buried under a halfhearted attempt at a carefree smirk.
“Can’t keep your hands off me, can y-“ Shaw’s grip on her face tightened, cutting Root off.
“Don’t. You are one of us now. And we always have each other’s backs. You do not get to sacrifice yourself, are we clear? This team needs you.” Shaw’s gaze bore into Root’s eyes, silently conveying what she could not with words and the smirk on Root’s face fell.
”Root, you are not alone anymore.” She let her hands fall from Root’s face, giving Root and herself some space. Somehow this bunch of people that dealt with irrelevant numbers and the occasional relevant ones, which battled an AI and struggled with the moral dilemmas that came with every new situation, became people she cared about. People she wanted to protect. And she couldn’t deny to herself that somehow Root managed to find her place among them.
The stunned expression that graced Root’s face gave way to a genuine smile, and Shaw couldn’t help but notice the spark returning to Root’s gaze.
“Sam, I -” Root started to say, the warmth of her voice making Shaw stand up quickly, cutting of her reply.
“I need to go,” Shaw said, decidedly not looking at Root. “But I am sure Bear needs a walk. Go get some fresh air.”
She turned and headed for the stairs, missing the way Root smiled knowingly.
“Sameen,” Root called after her. She stopped, looking over her shoulder.
“Thank you,” Root started sincerely before taking the sandwich that was left beside her and bringing it to her mouth, “For the sandwich.” She finished with a wink, taking a bite.
Shaw scoffed and walked out, a shadow of a smile on her face as she left the subway and headed straight for Park’s Deli in Chinatown. Well, she was still hungry.