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It was a rainy day. The day he passed away, that is. It all happened too soon for her to register what had just happened. When she felt her children cry at the funeral, comfort her when she would become too motionless, she would wonder why she wasn’t doing the same. As the days passed, it didn’t rain again. It was almost like the sky had wept enough that unfortunate day. But her weeping had just began.
Toph enjoyed many things throughout the day with her husband. One of them, would be how he would keep talking and then fall asleep right in the middle of a sentence. It sounded like musical gibberish to her while she would be trying to sleep herself. But, she would also enjoy listening to her old music while he wrote some poems or stories on his laptop. Contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t just the talking that the two shared. She felt so comforted just knowing he was there. Sometimes he wrote on paper, when he would write a speech he would give on a function, or to a beloved for something monumental in their lives. She would lay on the swing they had in their home garden, listening to the scribbling. It was her music. There would be no more music in her life anymore.
After a month of his passing, she was strong enough to read the diary he left her. Su had handed the diary over to her when she found it laying on his bedside table. She didn’t know braille like her father did. He had learnt it for Toph, so he could write to her sometimes. She didn’t look like it, but she loved those little notes he would leave her. When Su saw the diary, she saw the pages filled with Braille, and naturally asked her mother what it was. When toph moved her fingers over the first page, she immediately closed the diary after reading the first line. She immediately knew what is was. She felt a mixture of emotions ranging from “how could he waste his time writing this than be with me”? To “how will I ever live without him?”
Her children left after a few days. She would be fine, she told them. She had a caretaker at home, and being coddled was something she hated. It was reserved for someone, and he was never coming back. Finally alone, she was able to mourn peacefully. She cried sometimes to sleep, and other times she lay awake, the silence keeping her from sleeping. His scribbling, his ranting about nothing in particular, him singing old songs they’d listen to as children were the music she needed to sleep. Her eyes would now always be filled with water, her ears begging to hear those sounds again.
One day it rained again. It was raining again after a long time. The last time it did, she lost him. She hated the rain now. She knew her reason was immature beyond reason, but the tears that trickled down her wrinkled cheeks didn’t care about that. She finally got up, and went towards the window and opened it. The sound of the pouring rain blocked her caretaker’s video in the next room. She sat on the sofa near it, and took the diary in her hands. After hugging it to her chest for a few minutes and silently crying while mumbling a song she often sang to him, she was ready.
Love of my life,
Toph,
If you’re reading this, I’m farther than ever from you. Considering we spent a lot of our life away from each other, just waiting to see each other again, I’m waiting to see you again, my doll. I hope you aren’t crying, because you have to be stronger than that. And I hate to see you cry about anything, and most of all because of myself. If you’re going to cry so much, you’ll probably become all red. And you know I hate that, and you’re my Snow White, who reminds me of all the snow back home so please don’t. What? Can’t a man in his eighties flirt with his wife? Sorry Chief, gonna take some liberty with you on that! You make my heart beat, I always tell you, and you should know and remember that always. I’m sorry that it is my heart that will let you down.
Coming from the doctor today has made some things clear to me. First, I guess my “health conscious” diet hasn’t been doing as well as I’d hoped. Second, and most importantly, I don’t have much time left. So, I’m writing this to my nightingale hoping she’ll read it when she feels up to it and know just how much I loved her. I’m writing this in advance, not sure how much in advance it really is but hey, I want to be prepared because I don’t know if I’ll be able to say goodbye to you properly. Hey partner! Don’t get all sappy now, because Yours Truly has written quite a lot of stuff in this diary. Consider these my love letters to you. You know how I always regret not loving you sooner, when I was more immature and carefree. I would have loved to write you notes in our elective class. Well so what? I’m gonna write to Milady when I want! And that starts today. So presenting, a series of letters I wrote to you everyday while you sat on the sofa next to mine listening to your favourite daily soap! What? You knew I didn’t like that show anyway!
Before we begin, I just want to say something. Toph, though every moment I spent with you felt like it could never end, it seems moments we get in life are limited. Every touch, every hug, every kiss was counted. Similarly, these letters to you are limited, my love. I have written them with the intention of talking to you everyday. I know, we aren’t exactly talking, it’ll just be like me ranting for like ten minutes straight. But oh well, what’s new? It’s not like you aren’t used to them. Remember how I’d fall asleep after I’d blabber endlessly about the electricity board of our locality, our children, my back ache and what not and you’d realise I’m asleep just because I’d finally stopped talking? Consider this something like that. I am just trying to help you get adjusted to your new journey. Try and read only one letter everyday, though I completely understand if that’s not what you decide. My toph was always the most feisty and impatient women I’d ever known anyway.
I love you, Snow White. I am waiting to see you again. I am happy, Toph. I had achieved everything I could have asked for. My life might not have been the longest, but it was the biggest. I achieved every goal I set for myself. I had two beautiful children and my partner, damn, she was everything I could have asked for. Given the chance, I would have wanted to live with you forever, baby. But no worries, I accomplished everything and more. I am happy Toph, if it is time for me to go. I only hate that I’m going before you, because I had secretly prayed for this punishment for myself always. But let me set up everything for you so that when you come finally, you’ll be in your 20s again, your bun as messy as ever, your light pink lips uttering the wittiest words imaginable, I’ll be there the same, in my convertible and we’ll go on the longest long drive.
So let’s get this started, partner!
She didn’t know if she would read one page per day or more. She didn’t even know if she would be able to read the last page, would she ever have the strength? She was filled with one emotion after reading the first page, and it was grief. Allowing herself to grieve, she cried freely. These weren’t the small tears or the small muffled cries she managed to allowed herself so as to not seem weak to even herself. This was sobbing. This was her taking his name more than she ever had probably, shaking her head repeatedly to not believe her loss. A few minutes later, her caretaker picked her up off the floor but she couldn’t stop her crying. She was finally letting it out.
“I’ll hold you onto that promise, partner.”
Light entered her eyes as soon as she opened them. The pain made her shut her eyes immediately, covering her eyes with her hands to surround herself with complete darkness. She was confused and scared. She didn’t want to open her eyes at all. She had spent her life in darkness and that made her feel comfortable. She hated this feeling. She had no idea where she was, and how or why she was suddenly able to see. As she tried to stand up, she realised her knees didn’t give her any trouble. This was very strange to her because she had terrible knee pain all the time. “Wh… where… what is happening?” she removed her hands from her eyes and just stood there. She clutched her eyes shut, scared to open them because of how much it hurt when she opened them.
She was trying to move towards something she would be able to hold on to. A tree, a wall, anything would do it. She just needed support. She had no idea what was happening to her and how she came here. She knew she reached a tree when she felt up its bark. The shade of the tree calmed her down a bit, and she mustered up all the courage she needed to open her eyes. When she opened her eyes again, it hurt her, and she clutched them shut almost immediately once again. This repeated some more times, until she was atleast able to blink but see her surroundings.
She was in front of a lake which was surrounded by trees. She was able to open her eyes now, but seeing so much around herself made her feel very overwhelmed. She turned to face the lake and saw her own reflection in the water. It made her feel very stunned as this was the first time she was seeing herself. But that wasn’t all, because she looked young. Her wrinkles had disappeared, her hair were tied in a messy bun with bangs covering her forehead again. She touched her face, touching her nose, her cheeks and her eyes, trying to figure out how she looked. She was wearing a tshirt and shorts which fitted her frame comfortably while highlighting her curves beautifully. It became clear to her then. She had passed away and was now, well, wherever it is that people go when they die.
She was alarmed when she heard a sound of a car that immediately braked. She turned around to see, almost panting with the shock she felt. As she went closer, she saw a red Maserati. There was a man inside who she couldn’t see yet because the plants covered her view. Moving the plants out of her way, she saw a man get out of his car. He was wearing a denim jacket over a white tshirt and dark blue jeans. He had shades on his eyes and his hair were tied up… into a wolftail. She felt goosebumps on her hands and back as he removed them. Her eyes welled up with tears as she understood who it was.
“Whew! That was a long ride! Good to have you here, Snow White!” he stood near his car as he threw his shades inside it and extended his arms towards her. She saw him for the first time. His eyes were warm and welcoming just like his smile. I see you. He was a dream to look at. She had way too many things floating around in her mind and couldn’t stop herself from running towards him. She bumped into him so hard that it made him go “OW!” but immediately hug her too. As their arms laced every inch of eachother’s hands and back, they felt love again. It was back. She almost sobbed when she cupped his face and brought it closer to herself. “I see you.” She managed to say, but couldn’t help herself from shutting her eyes again. This was how she had always seen him. She had always felt him. As his hands cupped her face too, he wiped her tears away while kissing her eyes. “yes, yes you do. Do I match upto your expectations?” she felt his smile as he whispered to her. “You do.. You’re my dream.. You’re here.. I’m here.. I missed you..” she had a lot to say. But she was broken off when she felt his lips on hers.
His lips were soft like always, but warm too. As her lips tasted his again, she lost her senses again, losing herself into his arms which hugged her and the sweet nostalgia of it all. She leaned against his chest, both of them savouring this moment which could last forever. As they parted, still close enough that their lips were grazing the other’s, he asked her almost in a whisper. “look at me.. I promise I don’t look that scary..” she opened her eyes slowly, her gaze moving upwards from his lips to his eyes. “this is.. this is a dream.. and I want to live every moment of it.” Her hands reached towards his cheeks. “let’s live it. I gave you a dream. And I intended to make it happen. You’re here now. I’ve waited for this moment. You took long enough, Snow.” He nuzzled closer towards her, their noses touching. “I’m sorry.. I’m here now. Where do we start?” there was a twinkle in her eyes as she said this, meeting his gaze. An equally mischevious twinkle met her. “Well let’s see what we have. A convertible, a tape of our favourite songs, our sarcastic one-liners and a beautiful sunset. How ‘bout we start with that?” he raised one eye-brow. So that’s what it looked like, ooh, dreamy.
As they sat in their car, she put her feet up on the headboard and relaxed back, never taking her eyes off the view which he was. She sighed deeply, catching his attention. “what’ya lookin’ at, Snow?” he raised his eyebrows again. “ we got places to go, schedules to follow! Keep your eyes on the road, partner!” still the same. She reached towards him and gave him a peck on the lips. “ There, gave you something to linger on.” She said seductively, remembering his words when he had first kissed her. He bumped her nose with his and laughed, remembering the moment himself, his nose slightly twitching giving him a expression that screamed “sarcasm and mischief”. As she sat back, she took his shades and put them over her eyes. As they rode off blasting their favourite tracks, she relaxed. The view was set, the journey wasn’t. It was just how they’d want it.