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A lot had happened in the twenty years since Maes Hughes' death. While the passing of years had dulled the sting of his loss, it had not faded his memory. That's why Roy had found himself, here, in front of his head stone to catch his old friend up on all that had happened. Maybe it was the vulnerability Roy felt finding himself at a crossroads with as clean of a slate as one could have at his age. Maybe he wished he could get advice from his long dead friend, or a reassuring pat on the back. Roy breathed in slowly. His head had been so full of thoughts for years, but now that he was here he didn't know where to start. "Well, we managed it, Hughes, " he smiled " I was Fuhrer. Ishval has been restored. It's not enough. There's still so much work to do, and nothing could make up for what we did, but I've done what I could." The wind blew through his hair as he paused to consider what to say next. "You know, they all thought I had gone mad when I said I wanted to be put on trial too. But, why should I be the exception? Honestly , they're the ones out of their minds for letting me live. I guess I should be grateful, though. I've already had so many more years than I deserve" he sighed. How many years had he stolen from innocent Ishvalians? He should be dead or rotting in jail right now.
"Enough about me right? I know what you really want to hear about" he said with a somber smile, " You'll be happy to know Gracia and Elicia are doing very well. Elicia got married a few months before my trial. I think you'd like her husband. He's got a good heart and he absolutely adores her. They have a son now, too. They named him after you. I wish you could meet him. He looks so much like you. Well, he looks as much like you as a squishy little potato faced newborn can." he snorted at his own observation, "Anyway, Gracia's done well for herself. I'm impressed with how well she turned everything around, being widowed at such a young age with a small child to care for. Of course, we all helped her in whatever ways she'd let us. She hasn't remarried, though. She won't even date, no matter how many times I tell her you would want her to find someone who loved her as much you did and be happy. She couldn't let you go...she couldn't " he trailed off, looking up at the overcast sky, wondering if Hughes could hear him from wherever he was, if he was anywhere. He continued, " Y'know, none of us ever forgot you. How could we? I know I gave you a lot of shit when you were alive, but you were wonderful. Oh god, " he choked, feeling like a wound he previously thought healed was ripping open, " you should be here. You should be here". He buried his face in his hands, surprised that his buried grief resurfaced after all these years. He exhaled, trying to compose himself. Still, he felt a wave of nausea at the enormity of the loss that wasn't just his, but Gracia and Elicia's especially. Not just the loss of a person, but of all the years they should have had with him. He clutched at the growing pit in his stomach. He noticed his face was wet. He wanted to convince himself it was rain, but his lip trembled. It was definitely tears. For the first time, perhaps in his whole life, he wept bitterly. He thought he must look like a fool. Before he could dwell any further on his embarrassment over his emotions, he felt a familiar hand on his shoulder.
"Sir, what are you doing out here by yourself, " a voice chided, " you know you're useless when it rains."
Roy froze at the recognition. Could it be after all these years? "Hawkeye?" he exclaimed. He turned around, shocked to lock eyes with her once more. "What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I heard your sentence was up, so I went looking for you," she said.
"Thats-" he swallowed, "that's very kind of you." He wiped his cheeks.
"Come on, sir" , Hawkeye said, pulling him gently by his forearm, " let's get you out of the rain."
"Thank you, " he said. Roy wanted to sob even harder at how she had come back to him after all, and treated him as if nothing had changed. The world had been spinning around him, but he still had the support of his dearest and most trusted companion. He welled up with emotion at the comfort of her stability, but he did his best to remain stoic on the outside, his face unwavering. Perhaps, there was one thing that could change now that they had been stripped of their military titles. Still, he didn't know how to admit that he thought about holding her every night for the past thirty years.
"You don't have to be so formal with me anymore, " he said tentatively.
"What?" Hawkeye looked at him and tilted her head, squinting her eyes.
"Well, I'm not your superior anymore. Could", he stuttered, "could you call me Roy?"
She blinked and took a breath to recover. "Roy?!" she said like her mouth was too clumsy to pronounce his name. Roy couldn't make eye contact with her. He felt his face flush with embarrassment, but it was worth it if he got to hear her say his name, even if it was only once, even if it sounded awkward. Though, he was a bit worried that he had made her uncomfortable. Then, the corner of her mouth twitched in what he swore was a smile. " Does that mean you'd call me Riza, then?"
"Oh, " he responded, looking down at his shoes, "yeah, if you want me too" He glanced up at her. That was definitely a smile. He'd known her too long not to notice.
"Okay, " she said. He didn't know how to react. He had spent his years in prison staring blankly at the wall, ruminating on what he would say to her if he ever saw her again. How he would act. Now, here she was right in front of him, and all his plans left his head. Very unlike him. He felt stupid. She led him back to his apartment, wordlessly. Al must have told her where he lived. It was the Elric brothers who helped him get his affairs in order before his trial. They held onto his valuables while he was locked up, and found him an apartment when he got out. He thought he should make sure to thank them again for that.
When they reached his door, he stopped and looked at her. "Would you like to come in, " he asked, " I'd really like to catch up with you, if that's alright." She nodded as he opened the door, and followed him in. He motioned to the couch as he took his shoes off, " please, make yourself comfortable". Hawkeye sat down with her arms folded neatly in her lap.
"What have you been up to?", he asked.
"I've been staying with Rebecca in East City since I finished my sentence" She said, " and recently I got an office job. It's not very exciting, but it pays the bills."
"You always were good at paperwork", he smiled.
"What about you?", she said.
"Living off my savings, wondering what a former war hero slash fuhrer now war criminal does with their life," he responded, " I should probably get a real job now, huh?"
"Yeah, you should" she shook her head in mock disapproval. He sat down next to her, struggling to hold back the urge to grab her hand or stroke her face. Hawkeye looked at him with concern. Something in the way he moved must have revealed his apprehension to her. He couldn't help but stare at her lips as they turned to a frown. She placed her hand on his arm once more, and Roy reflexively shuddered.
"Lieu-.... Haw-" he sighed in frustration at himself, " Riza, there's something I wanted to tell you." The air felt heavy. She nodded at him as if to say 'go on'. "I just wanted to say thank you" he finally mustered up the courage to look her in the eyes, " thank you for all these years. Thank you for always having my back. Thank you for keeping me on the right path. Thank you so much".
Her lips once again curved upwards in a smile that anyone else would have missed, " When I said I'd follow you to hell, I meant it," she said, " I wouldn't have it any other way". Roy gripped his knees. It was all he could do to stop himself from shaking. His head was spinning as he wondered if she would let him kiss her-if she might accept his love after all these years. No, he thought to himself, don't be ridiculous. Sure, there was a time, many years ago, when they had had something . That was before Ishval, when they were young and naive. There was no way she wanted him now, after all he had done. She must have moved on by now. He shifted his weight.
"Are you alright? Is there something else?" Hawkeye asked. Maybe she already knew how he felt and she pretended not to realize so that she wouldn't have to reject him. He swallowed hard.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry" he said, " just reminiscing about old times.
She raised an eyebrow " Don't think you can get past me so easily, Roy". Damnit, he couldn't hide anything from her. He couldn't look at her again. He thought he might sweat himself to death. How was it that Roy Mustang, a man with a reputation for being a powerful, charismatic womanizer, could be so nervous in front of a woman he'd known since he was a teenager?
He scratched the back of his neck." No, really" he reassured her, " its nothing". He touched the small of her back, hoping this might convince her. She squeezed her legs together. He withdrew his hand, worried he was making her uncomfortable. Yet, he couldn't shake the thought that she might be remembering when his study of the mark on her back became an impulsive exploration of her body. He shook his head, trying to force the latter explanation out of his head. "Sorry, " he murmured.
"You don't have anything to apologize for," she said. Roy noticed that, somehow, they had shifted closer together. Now their thighs were touching. He looked into her eyes, searching for a hint as to how she felt. He found no answer, but her eyes were soft. At this point, it was now or never. He took a deep breath.
"Yes, I do. " he said, struggling to maintain eye contact with her, " for letting you put yourself in danger all those times on my account, for burning you. Not to mention, lying to you- hiding how I felt for all these years."
She looked at him, puzzled. "What?" she asked.
"I'm in love with you" he blurted out.
Hawkeye, no, Riza stared at him with her mouth wide open. He felt so small. The silence was crushing. He had to look down or he'd burn up from the shame."For how long?" she said. He blinked, a bit shocked that she cared to ask, and also that it wasn't already painfully obvious to her that he'd been pinning after her for as long as he'd known her.
"Oh, I, uh, dunno", he stammered, " back when we were still kids. Since that time we hid from your father behind the barn and.."
"Kissed?" she interrupted. His jaw fell open. Before he could really process that she even remembered it she started laughing. Roy supposed he should at least be grateful she wasn't disgusted by him.
"You probably think I'm pathetic for holding onto some silly childhood crush for all these years," he said, "Sorry, forget I said it. We can pretend this never happened." He frowned. Her laughter stopped abruptly.
"No, I'm relieved. I'm glad you told me," she smiled softly, "I thought I was the only one".
"Sorry, wha-" before he could finish their lips met. He savored it, for a moment. He pulled away to ask, "does this mean you...?". He felt too much disbelief to finish his sentence.
"Yes, Roy, I'm in love with you too," she smiled. He grinned, like a lovestruck teenager.
"Really?" he said.
"Let me show you," she said. She pulled him into her lap and kissed him deeper this time.