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Renjun doesn’t know what he’s doing.
He cautiously walks to his seat, making sure his coat and hat are enough to cover him well into the crowd. He thinks of how mindless it is of him to get the nearest seat to the ice rink, knowing damn well he shouldn’t be here in the first place. Not anymore that things are different now than they were before.
But Renjun is too good at keeping promises. Too good that it will only cause more damage for his feelings.
“Promise me you’ll come watch when I make it to the finals,” Jaemin said, softly gazing to Renjun as they settled down onto the comfort of their bed. Renjun felt the younger’s fingertips moving his hair to the side, getting a clearer look to his face.
Renjun thinly smiled, observing how beautiful Jaemin was before inching closer to him and letting their foreheads touch, “I will, I promise you that.”
“And for our next competitor, please welcome, Na Jaemin!” The announcer spiritedly says onto the mic, and the crowd gives the loudest cheer.
Renjun only chuckles to himself. Some things never change, Jaemin is still the crowd favorite. He sits still on his seat, watching as Jaemin skates to the center of the rink. He doesn’t notice the way he holds his breath at the sight of Jaemin, the boy who was always good at making him breathless. Renjun thinks about how beautiful the younger is as he last met him.
A small smile forms onto Jaemin’s lips as he settles into position, but deep inside Renjun knows the nervousness he feels as if their hearts beat the same way. He knows Jaemin like he knows the back of his hand. Although it’s been months since they called it off, it’s not that easy to forget someone he’s been with for four years. Even if their hearts don’t beat the same way anymore, a faint mark of what Jaemin left him still remains inside Renjun.
The music starts, mellow and slow, and Jaemin also starts moving to the flow of the sound. He sways his arms smoothly as he skates around the rink graciously, before aiming for a Lutz jump that he does successfully. The small awe of the crowd goes along with the resonant rhythm of the music filling every corner of the arena. Jaemin dances like he’s being carried by the water, sophisticated and gallant, and the emotions on his face match with his chosen theme. Flourishing, it’s what he said during the conference— Renjun knows, as he accidentally came across the sports channel.
“I personally think I have grown a lot this year. Not only as a person in this industry, but also a person outside my career,” Jaemin explained to the mic, and Renjun sadly smiled while watching the television, unaware that a hot tear already pushed through the corner of his eyes. He wiped it away immediately with his sleeve. He can’t cry, he shouldn’t, not when he agreed to this, that he wanted this for him and for Jaemin.
The crowd is in astonishment once again when Jaemin perfectly exhibits a triple axel on the ice. Renjun smiles to himself as he watches the younger. Jaemin has always been this good at whatever he does, and figure skating is one of them. He has always been eager to grow and take effort to achieve what he wants.
“Jaemin, you don’t have to force yourself to do it if you’re tired,” Renjun worriedly said, folding his arms together as he stood beside the rink to watch Jaemin practice. Jaemin glided across the ice, approaching Renjun as he drank the last of his water bottle.
“This is the last, I swear, okay? I have to try and land it. I think I might be able to do it this time,” The younger replied, handing him the empty bottle. Renjun sighed and nodded in surrender— Jaemin knows he just can’t say no to him. Jaemin gave him a reassuring smile before cupping his face and placing a quick kiss on his lips.
“We’re going home for real after this, okay? You need rest.”
Jaemin quickly nodded, skating back to the center of the rink, “Yes, now watch me, love. If I land this, you owe me a hundred kisses. If I don’t, you still have to give me a hundred kisses to comfort me,”
Renjun giggled, “That’s the same, Jaem.”
Jaemin ended up doing a quadruple jump successfully.
Jaemin was built for figure skating, and he was always meant for this path.
But Renjun will never be in that path.
Renjun always somehow knew this whenever he gazed at Jaemin. Until now, as he watches the boy take the spotlight on the rink, the same bittersweet sensation takes over his heart.
This is their meant to be. And there’s nothing changing that.
“Jaemin, don’t worry about me.” Renjun uttered, trying his best to pull his tears back as he avoided Jaemin’s gaze.
“But…” Jaemin trailed off, before he tried to step closer, yet Renjun took a step back. One small touch, and he might not make it. He might end up begging for Jaemin to stay with him, and even if that was what he wanted, he can’t let that happen. That will be too selfish of him.
“If we were really meant to be, Jaemin, I know we’ll find our way back to each other.” Renjun said, his voice almost cracking, and this time he stared straight into Jaemin’s eyes. He tried to smile, an attempt to cover the pain in his eyes. But it seemed like he failed as he saw the younger frown.
“I’m sorry.” Jaemin sincerely said, his eyes watering, and Renjun could almost feel his heart crack into million pieces.
Renjun swallowed the lump forming in his throat, “No, don’t say that, it’s okay. I’m happy for you, Jaemin, I’ll always be.”
He lied. He wasn’t okay, but he should be, to make it easier for Jaemin to leave. He wasn’t okay, but he will be as long as Jaemin is.
As the music comes to an end and Jaemin concludes his performance with his final stunt, the crowd stands, giving the boy a round of applause for his outstanding program. Renjun slowly gets up from his seat as well, clapping his hands with the audience, tears continuously falling down his cheeks.
Goodbye, Jaemin. I’m happy for you.
And without wasting any second, Renjun leaves, as if he was never there in the first place.