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Nie Huaisang’s head aches. If he’s right...he can hardly bear to think about it. He burned the message over a little fire in his room, but the words, the truth of it. He’ll have to burn those away, too, but it won’t be nearly as easy as destroying a bit of paper.
He sits at his desk and tries to order his thoughts. He doesn’t dare write anything down, not so anyone would notice, but he has to keep track somehow. He opens his fan, the one Jiang Cheng gave him when they were still students in Gusu. It’s decorated with a scene of a lake and lotus blossoms, and in addition to being both beautiful and a sentimental reminder of the things Jiang Cheng holds dear, the heavy illustration covers any little notes he writes on the back. The razor sharp steel in the ribs ensures that no one is going to take this fan from Huaisang without it costing something.
Huaisang places the fan down on his desk and takes up his brush to add a note. Under Meng Yao and Clarity, he added the word Yangquan. He nearly has the pieces he needs. But he won’t get any more tonight, so he puts his brush away, folds his fan, tucks it into his belt, and goes to find his brother.
Nie Mingjue is alone in his room, to Huaisang’s surprise. “Where is Xichen-ge?” he asks when his brother welcomes him in.
“Checking with Wangji. He’ll be back soon.” Mingjue sits at a small table in his room and gestures to a jar of wine and set of cups. “Care for a drink?”
Huaisang studies his brother carefully. If he’s right… “Not tonight,” he says. “I just came to check on you and see if I couldn’t bully Xichen-ge into getting you to sleep.”
Mingjue laughs softly. “I thought I was supposed to be the one who looked after you.”
Huaisang rolls his eyes. “It’s cute that you still think that,” he says, feeling a bit of tension ease when his brother laughs again, this time with genuine mirth.
“Then go pester Jiang Cheng,” Mingjue says, putting the wine aside. “I’m sure he’s still in one of the practice courts. He looked like he had some energy to burn.”
“But his shoulder—“
Mingjue gives Huaisang a look.
“Honestly, you’d think the imminent danger of battle would be enough for you all.” Huaisang hesitates a moment before dropping down by his brother’s side to give him a hug. He is far too old to cling, but—
Mingjue shifts until he can hold Huaisang tightly, just for a moment. “Go on,” he says, patting Huaisang’s shoulder. “I promised Xichen, and I’ll promise you, to go to bed.”
Huaisang stands and straightens his robes. “I’m going to Gusu in a few days,” he says. “There’s something I — there’s something I need to check,” he says, hoping his brother won’t ask him for clarification.
Mingjue studies him for a moment, then nods. “If you leave the day after tomorrow, you should have an easy passage. Now go on, find Jiang Cheng and drag him to bed. To sleep!” he adds, a blush rising in his cheeks. It really is too adorable.
“Of course, da-ge. That’s all we ever do.” With a mischievous wink, Huaisang leaves his brother in peace for the time being.
He makes his way to the suite of rooms set aside for the Jiang sect leader. Jiang Cheng protested when Huaisang led him to the suite on his first night, assuming he would stay with Huaisang. And Huaisang wanted nothing more than to stay every night with Jiang Cheng, but he knew, even if Jiang Cheng didn’t want to admit it, that they would need their space during this campaign. He knew — he hoped — there would be plenty of time in the future to share a home, but not now.
Besides, Huaisang likes the illicit thrill of sneaking into his lover’s rooms, even if he’s not actually sneaking.
The room is dark and cold and quiet when he comes in — the silence of emptiness, not sleep. Huaisang debates leaving to search for Jiang Cheng, but it’s late. He’s bound to turn up sooner or later, so Huaisang takes off his outer robes and drapes them over the back of a chair before sitting on the end of the bed.
Huaisang isn’t sure how long he waits for Jiang Cheng. He dozed off, waking when Jiang Cheng comes in and puts Sandu on its stand.
“Why aren’t you asleep?” he asks as he removes his outer robe.
“Why aren’t you?” Huaisang responds. He stretches and rubs his eyes. “Da-ge said your meetings ended hours ago.”
Jiang Cheng pours water into a washing basin and splashes his face. “You could come to these, you know. It’s your home and your right to be there.”
“I have other business to attend.” The response comes out more curtly than Huaisang intended, but Jiang Cheng merely sighs and begins to get ready for bed. He reaches up to take his hair ornament out, but winces as the movement pulls at his newly healing wound. Huaisang gets up and moves to stand behind Jiang Cheng. He urges him to sit at the dressing table, and once he’s comfortably seated, Huaisang massages Jiang Cheng’s neck and shoulder.
Jiang Cheng sighs again, this time in relief.
“Do you want me to be with you here?” Huaisang asks as he combs out Jiang Cheng’s hair.
“Of course I do,” Jiang Cheng replies. “I want to see you, keep you safe. But,” he says, turning and letting his hands settle on Huaisang’s hips, “I would not see you caged.”
It’s too dark for Huaisang to make out Jiang Cheng’s expression, but he feels a slight tremble in the hands at his hips, and so he doesn’t push the issue, nor does he offer platitudes or false promises.
“Did you convince your sister to take Jin Ling to Gusu with the rest of the children?”
“No, but Wen Qing did. Zixuan is going with her. Xichen asked him to support Lan Qiren on that front, and he and Wen Qing convinced her to go with them.”
“Good,” Huaisang says. He holds Jiang Cheng tightly while he processes this new information. It will make his own plans a bit more difficult, but perhaps he can use Zixuan to get a bit more information.
“I …” Jiang Cheng swallows and tries to speak again, but nothing comes out.
Huaisang waits for him to continue and rubs a soothing hand along the back of Jiang Cheng’s neck.
“I love you,” Jiang Cheng says at last.
Huaisang bites back the urge to tell Jiang Cheng everything, all his fears, suspicions, and plans, but he cannot bring himself to put Jiang Cheng in more danger, not for the fleeting comfort he might get in sharing his burden. He kisses Jiang Cheng instead.
“I love you, too.” He takes Jiang Cheng’s hands and leads him to the bed and they allow themselves the luxury of forgetting the world for a night.
The next morning, Jiang Cheng rides out to defend Qinghe, and the day after that, Huaisang leaves with the hope that he will be able to save them all.