Work Text:
The summer sun was hot and it was relentless as it shone down onto the paradise island; the white sands almost burned the pads of the patrons’ feet, the sky was perfectly clear, and the water was a bright sapphire color. It was the image of an immaculate, serene, carefree haven.
But it was far from that.
Camp Sawi is a beach resort for the broken, a place for those whose hearts were torn to pieces can hide away and pick up the pieces. Beneath pure white sand and cozy cottages, the island was built on tears, anger, and desolation.
And maybe that’s what pulled Hinata Shoyo here, maybe that’s why he almost broke down the moment his feet stepped foot on that place. He just wanted to heal. He really wanted to forget and start again. It isn’t just him that felt gravitated to that place, thousands of people visit the camp every year, each with their own story, each with their own baggage.
“Welcome to Camp Sawi, Shoyo,” Kenma greeted his close friend, bleached hair tied back. “I always wanted you to come visit my resort pero,” the boy sighed, “Not like this.”
Shoyo shook his head.
“It’s,” his words seemed to fail him, “It’s okay,”
“It’s not, Sho,” Kenma hardened his gaze, “First rule sa Camp Sawi: stop repressing your emotions,”
The orange haired volleyball player stood in his place, brown eyes tearing away from his friend to inspect the island. He almost wanted to laugh at just how ironic everything was, at how beautiful it was here. You wouldn’t suspect that all its patrons were broken, trying to find the sun in the darkness even if the sun was right there in front of them.
“Matutulungan niyo ba talaga ako mag-move on?” Hinata looked up, trying to stop the tears.
“We’ll do our best,”
Standing in front of his assigned cottage, Shoyo quietly conversed with Kozume, the camp master. They talked about anything, they talked about life in general and what had happened in their lives after high school.
“Hi camp master!” a red headed guy stepped out of the cottage beside them, his smile was wide but his eyes were empty. Shoyo knew that look very well, it was the same one he was wearing.
“Morning, Tendou, meet Shoyo, my friend,”
“Hi, Sho!” Tendou waved, a white towel over his shoulders. “Mag s-swimming ako ngayon pero may yoga session later, do you want to join?” Hinata was hesitant to answer, he didn’t really have the energy to do anything.
“Sige na, Sho, I’ll be there mamaya, samahan mo na kami,” Kenma softly urged him.
“I,” Shoyo sighed, “Sige, just…just knock on my door.”
With one last hug, Kenma finally left Hinata to settle in his little cozy cottage. It was minimalistic but it was enough. It wasn’t too empty nor was it too cluttered, just your typical resort room.
The bed was the best part, Hinata thought, falling back onto the white sheets, burying his face on the soft pillows. Silence filled the room, only disturbed by the rustling sound of the sheets whenever he moved.
There was silence until there were sobs, there was silence until there were tears soaking up the fresh white pillows. There was silence until Hinata was hiccuping, tanned hands clutching the part where his heart was supposed to be. His missing heart that Kageyama Tobio stole and never gave back.
There wasn’t a bone in Hinata Shoyo’s body that didn’t miss his ex-boyfriend. There wasn’t a fiber in his every being that hated him either. It was just—just heartbreak and sadness, he couldn’t accept it. Insecurities were choking him, doubts were running around his head, and memories of that night kept haunting him.
It’s weird, Hinata would always ponder after the storm for that night has calmed down, it’s weird how you could just physically feel the pain in your chest and stomach, sometimes numbing your fingertips and legs, whenever something really, genuinely hurt you.
“Hindi ba ako enough? Hindi ba ako worth it? May kulang ba sakin?”
Hinata wanted to scream, he wanted to throw things at the wall and watch them break, watch them break into tiny little pieces, tiny little pieces so he could finally have a tangible visual representation of his heart. But he didn’t have anything in him to even get angry anymore.
He was just so so tired. His throat was raw, his fingers were bruised, his eyes were always red, and his lips were chapped. He knew he was losing weight and muscle mass but he just couldn’t find it in him to even give a flying fuck. All he could care about was trying to feel alright again.
The tears, this time, just dried up easier, faster than last time. Baby steps, Shoyo thought, baby steps. Wiping away the tears felt less heavier, there was less stinging, less numbing from his fingertips than the first few days he had cried himself to sleep.
Rolling onto his back, Hinata stared up at the ceiling, the patterns of the wood panelings were blurry, the lights from his lamp was blurry, everything was blurry, and Shoyo was okay with that. He was fine with being everything unclear, hazy, and misty—because he was already left in the dark, metaphorically.
Hinata didn’t know just how long he stayed there, basking in his lonesome state, a state the social butterfly just wasn’t used to. Hinata didn’t know how long he stayed there but he knew it was long enough for his salty tears to dry all tacky on his cheeks and chin. It was long enough for Tendou to be knocking on his door.
“Sho? Are you ready for our yoga session?”
The orange haired boy shot up from where he lay, shouting a panicked “Wait a minute!”
“Take your time, Sho, it’ll take half an hour ‘till it starts,” Though the red head’s voice was teasing, it was soft and encouraging.
Hinata practically tore off his striped shirt and jean shorts, replacing it with a breezy white shirt and the gray sweatpants his friends liked to call “cursed.” He already had his hands on the door knob when he remembered he needed his phone and gym bag. Grabbing his essentials, he decided to give himself two slaps on both his cheeks, silently encouraging himself to “make awra ngayon.”
Faking a bright smile, Hinata opened the door,.
“Tara?”
But Tendou didn’t answer him, only staring at his face, analyzing freckled cheeks that flared up at the intense attention he was getting. Shoyo slightly flinched when Satori grabbed the towel resting on the shorter male’s shoulders, using the end of th fabric to wipe away the sticky tear tracks on his face.
“Umiyak ka, ‘no?” Tendou’s voice was gentle, understanding even.
“Hindi ba halata?” Shoyo giggled quietly, sniffing just a bit as he tried to wipe away the rest of his little sob session. “Sorry.”
The red haired boy smiled, softly draping an arm over Hinata’s shoulder, dragging him to where the Yoga class was being set up.
“Don’t worry, Sho,” Tendou spoke up after a while, “nung first week ko dito, literal na kinaladkad ako ni Kenma palabas sa cabin ko kasi I literally could not stop crying,”
Shoyo laughed at that statement, his heart felt lighter. It felt good, he admitted, it felt good finally interacting with other people again, it felt good finally being able to laugh freely again.
“Kaya wag kang mahihiyang mag-iyak iyak diyan, magdabog, mag-wala, kahit ano basta malabas mo lang yang sakit at paghihinagpis mo, kaya nga tayo pumunta dito, diba? Para malabas lahat ng nararamdaman natin,” Tendou hummed, raising a hand over his eyes to block out the bright rays of the sun.
“Basta tandaan mo lang na dadating ang panahon kung saan kailangan na nating bitawan ang mga damdamin na ‘to, maybe sooner than later,” The red head smiled down at him, though his lips were looped upwards, the lack of a glint in his eyes betrayed his facade. Tendou couldn’t even follow his own advice.
Their walk was filled with quiet conversations and exchanging of who they were and why they were there. It really did feel nice to finally be talking to someone again.
“There they are,” Kenma called out, noticing the two approaching the pavilion he had set up, just in front of the beach. Hinata counted the total people in the vicinity—seven, including him.
“Ready ka na, Shoyo?”
“Let’s start!”
Tsukishima Kei, another camper, was the yoga instructor, he was quiet, aloof, but he had a sense of humor while Kenma was just supervising, constantly giving re-assuring words mixed with his infamous tough love.
“Alam nating lahat kung bakit nandito tayo,” Kenma started, “Dahil iniwan tayo, pinagpalit, niloko, pinaasa.”
Akaashi Keiji, the guy beside Hinata physically cringed, his hair was messy and he just looked exhausted in general. His white shirt clung onto his body, fingers covered in band aids. Hinata noticed he had a necklace with a ring on it, the diamond shone with every movement Keiji made.
“Masakit, alam na alam natin yung feeling na yan, and I know its been the only thing you’ve been thinking about pero today, at this moment, I need you to forget about those thoughts kahit saglit,”
Shoyo closed his eyes, focusing on his beating heart, on his breathing, feeling the stretch in his muscles. It felt satisfying, after weeks of just laying down on his bed and couch, he finally had the excuse to get up and do something, already wasting half of his vacation time.
“I need you to think about yourself today, I need you to focus on yourself and dig deep down, figure yourself out before you figure out the world,”
The girl with long black hair sighed, breathing in the fresh air of the beach, letting it settle into her skin and lungs, and when she exhaled, she almost wished it lessened the pain. Kiyoko Shimizu knew it was impossible but it didn’t hurt to wish, wouldn’t it?
“Step back and look at yourself in a new perspective—the world might have seen you as boring, selfish, sensitive, maybe even a monster, but that’s their view of you, what I need you to do is examine your view of yourself, ”
Tendou Satori finally let the smile on his face drop, replacing it with one of conflict, eyes staring into space, half listening to Kenma’s voice, half focused on his own thoughts. One hand planted on his purple mat while his other arm was raised above him, his entire body in a side plank.
“I need you to push that hurt aside—we’ll come back to her later—I need you to forgive yourself for being hurt, forgive yourself for having emotions, and let those emotions run through your veins, because those same emotions brought you here and let those emotions guide you to be able to leave this place with peace in your heart,”
Black curls were tied back, Sakusa Kiyoomi’s pale skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat, his muscle tee stuck to his abs. Freely stretching his wrists, Kiyoomi leaned his head back, staring mindlessly at the bright blue sky, letting it almost burn his eyes until he needed to blink once again. He continued that routine for a few more minutes, hoping that it would, like a miracle, give him the secret to understanding what he was really feeling.
“We were hurt once and we will continue to hurt because that’s how being human is, it’s never always full of positivity and hope but what’s important is that we learn from these moments in our life, what’s important is that we let these moments remind us that we are human beings with human emotions, and then we get back up,”
Kenma smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. It never usually reached his eyes but this time it felt off, and Shoyo caught it. His hair was messier than usual, he fidgeted more, and his cat like eyes were sharper.
“We’re all here in Camp Sawi because our hearts are in pain and we should take that pain, hold it close to our chest, soothe it until we’re back on our feet,”
Everyone stood up from their side plank position, following the tow headed instructor as he carefully raised one leg up, being held up by both hands.
“Until then, let’s give ourselves some rest here, pahinga muna tayo bago tayo sumabak ulit sa gera ng totoong buhay, isa-isahin muna natin ang mga binabato satin ng buhay,”
And then silence. Kenma let his patrons bask in that silence. He let them fully settle within their mind space, surrounded by the smell of salt water, the smell of barbecue somewhere in the island, and by the smell of their own sweat. He let them process his words and their own thoughts, he let them breathe in and he’d wait until they were finally ready to exhale.
Camp Sawi wasn’t that bad, Shoyo decided. Camp Sawi was the temporary escape he needed. He knew full well this wasn’t really an escape, this was the place he has to face everything head first, just like what Kenma Kozume told him the first time he considered visiting this place.
The first week at Camp Sawi? TLDR; they were hell.
Hinata felt as though he was an addict and everytime he thought he was getting better and finally healing, he’d fall back and go through withdrawals. Hinata was an addict and he was the drug. Hinata was going through withdrawals and he was that one substance he was desperately looking for.
Love can be an addiction. Parang sugal, parang alak, or droga – these are things that ruin lives. Ganun din ang pag-ibig – minsan nga mas malupit pa.
There were mornings he’d be pumped up, playing with Sakusa and Tsukishima who he found out were also volleyball players. There were afternoons where he’d join Tendou and Kenma with preparing dinner. There were nights where he’d watch movies with Kiyoko and Akaashi. And on those days, Hinata felt as though he was finally progressing, he was finally untying the ropes bringing him down.
And then there were those days where he could physically feel the anchor tied on his ankles, dragging him deeper into the sea of him.
There were mornings he’d be more than willing to stay inside and under his covers, ignoring the annoyingly bright sun outside. There were afternoons where he’d refuse to eat, not a bite, not a sip of coffee. Nothing. His stomach felt as though it wasn’t there. He does want to eat on those days but it was as though his body refused to. There were nights where he’d stare at the walls with this blank look on his face, an imaginary projector showing their memories onto the white walls—from their first meeting to their engagement to their last fight.
The first week was like a roller coaster and Hinata just wanted to get off the damn ride.
“Alam niyo,” Tendou started, passing a bottle of san mig light to Hinata. “Mag-iisang linggo na tayo dito pero hindi ko parin alam kung bakit nandito kayo.”
It was probably around 10 PM, the night was dark and inky but the stars were bright and blinding. Lights from other islands could be seen in the distance, the warm lights of the resort reflected off the sands and the palm trees but where they sat, around a burning camp fire accompanied by Kei’s spotify playlist, there was only the pale moonlight and the blue hue of the ocean waves bouncing onto their skins.
“Pwede ba tayo uminom dito?” Hinata raised an eyebrow and at that same moment, Kenma sat beside him.
“If you can handle it and it helps you somehow, why not, ‘di ba? But like anything, too much of it can kill you – like love,” the billionaire chuckled quietly, opening a bottle of his own.
“Asus, humuhugot ka na rin pala, retsam Nekma,” Shoyo grinned.
“But seriously, I don’t necessarily ban alcohol dito pero kailangan natin matutong mag regulate, i-control sarili natin, kasi losing control means risking yourself getting hurt again,”
“So ayun nga, balik tayo sa tanong ko, bakit tayo nandito?” the chocolatier cut in to the two shortest ones’ conversation.
There was a moment of silence, everyone exchanging hesitant looks.
“Ok, I’ll start,” Satori took a swig of his bottle before continuing to talk, “Iniwan niya ‘ko, pangalan niya is Wakatoshi,”
“Teka,” Shoyo gasped, “Ushijima Wakatoshi?”
“The same guy,”
“Hoy, I play in the same team as him, why have I never met you?”
Tendou laughed bitterly.
“That’s why we broke up— wait, let me correct myself; wala kaming label, even after eight fucking years, nothing, and he was okay with that kasi he will never be ready for a relationship but I wasn’t okay with that, I wanted assurance pero hindi niya mabigay sakin and I had to face the reality na Ushijima and I will never be more than something,” it was a difficult situation but that difficult decision was necessary. Tendou knew he couldn’t torture himself any more than he already has.
He’s had to put up with this back and forth of falling in and out of love. This chasing game, this waiting game. They were running around in circles and the game needed to finish before they exhaust themselves, before someone got seriously hurt. So Satori took the fall and he called quits, raised the white flag, and declared himself the loser of a game he knew full well was impossible to win.
“And ako naman,” Kiyoko spoke up.
“Ako naman, nalaman kong mahal ni Ryunosuke yung best friend niyang si Yu,” her laugh, unlike Tendou’s, was light and quiet. She was the fastest one among them to heal, she was the most accepting of healing, she was the most accepting of the hurt.
“I mean, oo, ang sakit, sobrang sakit pero hindi ko rin naman kayang magalit sakanya kasi nagmahal lang rin naman siya at hindi niya kasalanan kung nagmamahal na siya ng iba kasi hindi natin macocontrol nararamdaman natin, kahit gaano man natin gustong pigilan,” she leaned forward, elbows resting on her thighs.
What was important to Kiyoko, was that she was sure that Tanaka had loved her once upon a time. Not all relationships are created equal and not all relationships last forever, that was a given. But not all relationships that end weren’t true. The reason why you two got together in the first place was because you were in love at one point but maybe it just wasn’t meant to last forever. Whether if someone is with us for a long time or a short time, their roles were fulfilled and unfortunately, their roles weren’t to stay with us for the rest of our lives.
The lifespan of an emotion is 90 seconds. Those that last longer last because of the stories and people that were attached to those emotions. Kiyoko felt love and that love came with memories of being cared and adored for, and she was finally letting those 90 seconds go. They lasted longer than they needed to.
“My boyfriend—” Sakusa caught himself, “My ex-boyfriend is Atsumu,”
Hinata gawked. He knew that name and he knew that name very well. Atsumu Miya was someone that had fought for his attention and love. It’s just that Shoyo never really had any reason to look his way. Because his attention and love was already set on another.
“He well, long story short; cheated on me,” Kiyoomi leaned back in his beach chair, bottle of alcohol hanging loosely from his hands. “I’m going to sound stupid pero I know hindi talaga cheater si Atsumu, he’s not the type to cheat for the hell of it or because his dick got hard,”
“I know he cheated on me because he never loved me like I loved him but unlike Shimizu, he didn’t save me the heartache of seeing him happy with someone else while he was still in a relationship with me, no, he literally waited for me to find out he was thinking of someone else while he was kissing me, that he was looking for someone else while we hugged, and God—” Sakusa could feel the tears in coming.
Sakusa Kiyoomi was never the type to cry. In his time in this place, he’s never shed a tear. He wasn’t the type to share his feelings to but here he was, spilling his guts to people he just met this week and he’s already crying in front of them.
“It burned, it still burns thinking about it because I just—I loved him, alright? I love him still but he loves someone else now,” pale hands pushed back his curls.
“I can forgive him for loving someone else because as Kiyoko said, hindi natin macocontrol kung sino mamahalin natin, di natin alam kung kelan mawawalan yung nararamdaman nating pagmamahal na pinaghirapan nating alagaan pero putangina, I can never forgive him for choosing to cheat on me instead of telling me he doesn’t love me anymore to my face, would’ve been less painful,”
Sakusa’s eyes stared up at the sky, remembering the countless nights he spent on their rooftop, talking about their future and what they want to be. All those countless nights of whispering sweet nothings to each other turned into sleepless nights of whispering to himself kung ano kulang niya, kung kamahal mahal ba siya, o kung worth it ba siya.
“Same here,” Kenma’s sudden courage to speak up shocked everyone in the circle.
“So you did come here to heal your broken heart,” Tendou mumbled quietly.
“I knew something was up when you came here all of a sudden, you were never one to visit your island—teka, Kuroo cheated on you?” Hinata almost jumped up from where he sat, a mix of anger and shock flowing through his veins, so much so that he didn’t even notice the way Tsukishima went frigid beside him.
“Yeah,” Kenma nodded, absent minded.
“Hindi ko alam kung sino yung kabit ng asawa ko pero he’s everything I’m not,” Kenma took out his phone, opening up his gallery to everyone a picture of his boyfriend kissing someone else. Their hair and entire body hidden from view because of the hoodie he was wearing, a hoodie that had Kuroo’s name printed on the back.
“All I know is he’s tall and had Tetsu’s sense of humor, calls him his moonlight, visits him every Friday night at a museum, takes him to Paris and Hawaii, and all that bullshit,”
“You know all of that pero di mo alam mukha at pangalan ng kabit niya?” Akaashi raised a brow.
“I only ever heard one phone call and you’d be surprised at how much Kuroo loves to talk and talk and talk, nainggit nga ‘ko eh, kasi lahat ng ginagawa ni Tetsu for me is ginagaaw rin niya for his little moonlight,” Kenma spat out in disgust and jealousy.
Childhood friends to lovers? Sounded like a dream right? Well, this dream turned to a bad nightmare in a snap of a finger.
He only ever needed to listen in to one phone call and one phone call is all it took for everything they built to come crashing down.
“Broke up with him the day before Shoyo arrived and, I feel so empty inside,” the bleached blond scoffed. “What kind of Camp Master am I if I can’t even fucking heal my own heart?”
“Idiot,” Kiyoko softly scolded, “your own heart is a human heart and human hearts are fragile,”
“Honestly, I’m sorry guys kung di ko talaga ma-explain yung nararamdaman ko about my whole relationship, don’t get me wrong, it feels so good to finally talk about this with you all pero, I’m not good with words when it comes to my own feelings, all I know is that I’m broken and fucked up and probably going to survive this with a couple trust issues,” Kenma’s almost lifeless eyes were met with sympathetic smiles and understanding gazes.
“We’ll wait, Camp Master, we’ll wait,”
“If these two got cheated on then I’m the one being cheated with,” Kei admitted, though his eyes were cast down, observing the way the fire danced along to a non existent beat. Tiny flares lighting up their surroundings.
“How does it feel?” Kiyoomi asked after a pregnant pause.
“Feels like shit,” Tsukishima answered bitterly, his harshness wasn’t for anyone in particular but himself, “The guilt is eating you alive because you know you’re putting someone else’s heart and mental well being at risk but you just can’t stop because you love him too, you love him but at the end of the day you’re the villain, you will always be the villain,”
Kiyoomi and Kenma exchanged looks.
“I didn’t listen to my best friend when he warned me about this entire relationship, I ignored him and followed my heart because that’s what they say in the movies right? Listen to your heart? But that’s all bullshit because now, I’m over here going crazy over the guilt, going crazy because I just ruined someone else’s life because I was being selfish and that’s why I’m here, kasi iniwan ko na siya,” Kei took off his glasses, rubbing his face in exhaustion.
“I just really had to go and fall in love with a married man huh?” the towheaded man’s voice wavered, a lump growing in his throat.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this pero Kei, you know what? I’m not blaming you for falling in love,” Hinata said, looking over towards Kenma and Kiyoomi, their eyes far off.
Tsukishima didn’t speak any more, choosing to bite his lips instead. He didn’t want to admit that he was the same moonlight Kenma had been talking about. That he was the reason their Camp Master was even with them. He didn’t want to admit out loud that he literally ruined a marriage.
“And you, Shoyo?” Tendou nudged the orange haired boy.
“Well,” Hinata nervously bounced his leg, “Pinagpalit ako sa malapit,”
“Aray,” Kiyoko whispered to herself.
“Aray talaga,” Hinata chuckled.
“Alam niyo yung masaklap? Pinagpalit niya ko for a person that’s almost exactly like me,”
It was ridiculous, almost laughable, how similar that Hoshiumi was to him.
“Kageyama fucking Tobio, isang lalaking minahal ko ng halos isang dekada pero papalitan lang din naman ako sa huli with some fucking copycat,”
Short, energetic, and competitive. You wouldn’t even know who Hinata was describing, was it him or was it that Hoshiumi guy? Shoyo couldn’t stop thinking of why? Why would Kageyama leave him for someone that was just another version of him?
“For the longest time, tinatanong ko sa sarili ko—kahit ngayon iniisip ko parin— ano ba kaibahan namin na nakita niya diyan sa pinalit niya sakin? Is it the orange hair? Does he want someone with white hair? Or was it because I smiled too much? Was I too bright for him? Bakit niya ba ko pinagpalit? Gusto ko lang naman ng sagot sa mga tanong ko pero hindi niya mabigay bigay sakin,” and there he was again, drowning again in that sea of doubt and heartbreak. It was getting exhausting trying to break surface everyt time he got dragged back down. So exhausting.
“Halos lahat ng oras, luha, dugo ko sinayang ko para sakanya, lahat ng mga gabing pinuyat ko? Sana tinulog ko na lang,” Hinata sighed.
“Pero wala na, hirap mang gumising araw araw nang wala siya, kinakaya naman, keri naman, ang tanong ko lang, masama ba na mahal ko parin siya?”
Kenma shook his head.
“Sho, ilang taon ko na kayong kaibigan nila Tobio, kitang kita ko kung gaano mo siya minahal, ang raming mga araw na pati ako nadadamay na rin sa kagaguhan niyo, pero Sho, hindi ko rin talaga masasabi kung bakit ka niya iniwan, kung bakit ka niya pinagpalit, siya lang talaga makakasagot ng mga tanong mo, give yourself time and give him time,” the short volleyball player nodded at his friend’s words, choosing to stay silent now, he said all that he needed to say.
“Ikaw, Akaashi? Why are you here?” Keiji smiled at the question directed at him, taking a moment to stare at the campfire before reaching inside his pocket to take out a diamond ring, gaze never wavering from where he was staring. The look in his eyes were broken, lost, and tears were already accumulating in his waterline.
“Si Bokuto,” he started, “Was my fiancé, everything was going great, we were supposed to get married next year in Boracay kasi he always loved that place, he was already looking for our dream home, he was that excited,”
Akaashi quickly wiped away the tears dripping down his face.
“We were supposed to have our happy ending and we were supposed to find out what happily ever after was going to bring us pero,” Keiji chocked up on his words, Tendou reaching over to rub circles onto his back.
“Pero two years ago, we found that he— he had fatal familial insomnia,” Keiji sniffed, “It’s a rare genetic disease that causes the person to slowly lose the ability to sleep,”
Akaashi closed his eyes and it took little to no effort for him to imagine Koutarou there beside him once again, smiling that same smile that always brought warmth to his chest, smiling that smile that sparked some type of joy in his cold, lonely life.
“The first year it was normal, sure he slept later than usual but we thought it was going to be alright but we were wrong, it quickly got worse, he slept less and less until he just didn’t sleep anymore,” reliving those last few days punched the air out of Keiji’s lungs.
“He kept telling me how he was still strong and how he wanted to grow old with me pero nakikita ko sa ngiti niya, sa mga mata niya na pagod na pagod na siya, kahit masakit, sinabihan ko na siya na pwede na siya magpahinga, kasi kapag nasasaktan siya, kapag nahihirapan siya, nahihirapan din ako,” Kiyoko sniffed, listening intently to Keiji’s story, even Sakusa didn’t notice he started tearing up himself.
“Finally, after months, nakatulog na rin siya ng mahimbing,” through tears, Keiji still managed to smile, through the loud crashing sound of his heart hitting the concrete floor, he still managed to feel happy. Happy because he knows Koutarou is somewhere, finally getting his well deserved rest. Happy because he knows Koutarou was way too good for this world anyways.
“Araw araw ko siyang na-mimiss, araw araw ko siyang iniisip, walang lumipas na umaga na di ko yinayakap yung unan niya, kahit halos wala na yung amoy ng pabango niya, yinayakap ko parin kasi that’s the closest I will ever get to feeling him hug me again, I just really miss him and it’s so hard trying to put my life back together because I don’t know how to live when half of my heart is already dead,” Keiji fiddled with the diamond ring between his fingers, the crystal catching the moonlight.
It was so unfair. Everything was so unfair. Love was so unfair.
Why couldn’t everything end up like in the movies? Why couldn’t it be like those romance novels?
Hinata felt his stomach drop, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth to muffle the sob escaping his lips. The universe was so cruel, sure, we’re just stardusts in this vast space we call the galaxy but it wouldn’t hurt to have happy endings right?
It was so unfair.
That night, they continued to exchange stories, finding comfort in each other’s shared pain. That night, they cried, they laughed, and they looked up at the moon and yelled everything they’ve been holding in between their ivory cages.
Their hearts got torn apart and they were left to pick up the pieces, they were left to piece it back together, and heal it up. They were left to stitch themselves back together even if it almost seemed impossible.
Camp Sawi isn’t a surefire solution to your heartbreak. Healing is easier said than done, everything is always easier said than done. Camp Sawi is only a temporary escape, a temporary place to rest and collect yourself and your thoughts,
Healing won’t come in just one or two weeks away in some paradise island, maybe it’ll come after a month or two, maybe a year, maybe never. There isn’t a time frame for a mended heart, there’s only patience, and there’s only acceptance.
Healing will never come easy but to continue loving in spite of a crack or two in your beating heart is courageous and it is beautiful and it’s what makes us human. We will never be perfect but to us, perfection will always be found within our flaws and our capacity to love each little imperfection, each little broken piece, each little quirk, and each little fault and shortcomings.
Never naging madali iwanan, never madaling saktan, never naging madali maging isang simpleng taong nagmamahal. Love may be ironic, it may be full of twists and turns, what’s important is that you learn what these emotions are and what they mean. It is important to be human.