Chapter Text
Two weeks before Christmas
Maya wakes first, as she usually does, curled up on her side. Her eyes open slowly to a dim light that sneaks into the room through a small crack in the curtains. It’s early – too early – and she snuggles deeper into the mattress, letting the warmth of the room sweep over her and push her back into a light slumber. She is not awake, but not really asleep either. She can feel the soft sheets wrapped around her body, smell the faint scent of lavender on the pillows, enjoys the heat from the body pressed up against her back. Her hand wanders to find skin, her palm brushing against Carina’s leg and her fingers curling under the hem of her shorts. She runs her thumb across Carina’s thigh and smiles when she hears a small whimper escape from Carina’s mouth as she sleeps.
There was a time when Maya would have jumped out of bed the moment she was awake, but not any more. This has become her favourite time of day, to lay in Carina’s arms and wait for her to wake up. It happens so rarely thanks to their different shift patterns, so when it does she savours every moment.
Contentment washes over her and she returns to her dreams for a while until the sun rises and the room brightens. When she wakes again, she is lying on her back, her body twisted towards her bedmate. Carina’s head rests on her shoulder, tucked underneath her chin, and, as she breathes, Maya can smell the floral scent of her shampoo. Carina’s hand is on the top of her thigh, her fingernails digging into her skin. She mutters something in Italian.
“Hmm?”
“Too early,” Carina grumbles, twisting into her and leaving a kiss on Maya’s collarbone.
Maya reaches out and searches for her phone, squinting through her sleepy eyes to read the time.
“It’s almost nine.”
“Hmpf. Too early.”
Maya chuckles and plants a kiss on the top of her head.
“We said we’d go buy a tree today and decorate the apartment,” Maya says.
Maya has never cared much for Christmas. Christmas was not a happy, jolly time of year when she was younger. She was expected to train, even on Christmas morning, before opening her presents. Her gifts would usually be a new pair of sneakers or running shorts, always something practical. There were no games, no music, no laughter. Her father would watch how she filled her plate, judging every spoonful of potatoes and yams. The most peace they found was after lunch, when she and Mason would take it in turns to pick a movie to fill the afternoon. As soon as she was old enough, Maya found excuses to avoid going home for Christmas, preferring to spend it by herself rather than in the awkward confines of her family home.
This year is different. This year, there is Carina.
Carina, whose face lights up at the mere mention of Christmas. Her stories of Christmas past are full of homemade gifts and music and games; her big family crowded round a table that was overflowing with food. She doesn’t talk much about the Christmases that came after her mom and brother had left for America, but she knows her aunts and uncles and cousins tried to keep the day light and fun for her, even when everything else about her family felt like it was falling apart.
Amongst the many (many) boxes she had brought with her when she had moved in was a box of Christmas decorations, filled with family ornaments that she’d had shipped over from Italy. Maya is hoping some of Carina’s enthusiasm for Christmas will rub off on her, and she figures turning the apartment into Santa’s grotto is a good place to start.
Carina looks up at her and smiles. “I can’t believe you never had a real tree in your apartment before.”
“I never saw the point when it was just me,” Maya says.
“And this year?” Carina probes.
Maya shrugs. All she wants to say sounds too corny, and even though this year has changed her and she feels her hard edges softening, she reserves those words for the moments that most deserve them. Instead, she drops her chin and captures Carina in a light, morning kiss.
Carina slips her hand underneath Maya’s tank top, her fingers grazing over her soft skin, as she shifts her weight onto her underside elbow to press her lips harder against Maya’s lips. Maya smiles into their kiss, knowing exactly what kind of game her girlfriend is playing.
“Don’t think you can distract me just so we stay in bed a big longer,” she murmurs, as Carina’s lips descend down her neck.
Carina grins against her skin as she moves her hand across Maya’s toned stomach and slips it into her shorts. Maya’s back arches against her touch.
“You know, Santa doesn’t bring presents to anyone who’s naughty,” Maya says, feeling her resolve weakening.
“Oh, I’m not being naughty,” Carina objects.
“No?”
“I’m being very, very nice,” she says as she finally disappears underneath the sheets.
Maya’s head rolls on the pillow and she gives up her resistance, knowing this is a battle she has already lost.
* * * * * * * * * *
“Grab your hat, it’s snowing!” Maya calls down the corridor towards the bedroom.
She wraps a thick scarf around her neck and pushes her hands into her jacket pockets to retrieve her gloves. It has been snowing on and off all week, although thankfully no heavy snow storms so far.
Carina appears wearing a green beret that matches her scarf and gloves, looking as immaculate as she always does. Maya’s eyes sweep her up and down, and she is reminded again just how damn lucky she got that night in the bar.
“I can’t believe it’s snowing again,” Carina complains. She’s not a big fan of snow or Seattle winters. Despite three years in the city, she still hasn’t acclimatised.
“Well, if you hadn’t distracted us from getting out of bed this morning, we’d be back by now,” Maya chides.
Carina grins and wraps her arms around Maya’s waist, nuzzling her nose against her cheek and kissing her temple. “I didn’t hear you complaining.”
Maya laughs. “You’re a hard woman to say no to,” she admits.
“Good to know,” Carina says, a smug smile on her face.
She sweeps one hand over Maya’s ass teasingly.
“Stop it,” Maya scolds her, “or we’ll never leave the apartment.”
Maya reaches for the door, laughing as she wriggles out of Carina’s arms, and is taken by surprise when she almost bumps into a woman standing in the hallway.
“Mom!” Maya exclaims. “What are you doing here?”
“Do I need a reason to visit my daughter?” Katherine says reproachfully, although her eyes tell another story. They shine happily. She is a different woman since the separation – brighter and more relaxed than Maya has ever known her.
“Of course not,” Maya says, stepping aside as her mom walks into her apartment uninvited. “I just wasn’t expecting you, that’s all.”
“Oh, I’m not stopping,” Katherine says. “Hello, Carina, sweetheart.”
“Buongiorno! Here, let me help you.”
Maya rolls her eyes as she watches Carina turn up the Italian charm in front of her mother. It works; Katherine is enamoured by her daughter’s girlfriend, always telling Maya how kind and helpful she is; always delighted when Carina treats her to gifts of homemade bread and pasta.
Carina takes the box from Katherine’s arms and places it on the table. “Are you delivering Christmas gifts already?”
“Well, after Maya told me that she was working on Christmas Day, I wanted to make sure you had them in time for your celebrations,” Katherine says.
Carina’s eyebrows shoot upwards in surprise. “Maya told you…”
Maya shakes her head over her mother’s shoulder.
“Thanks Mom, that’s really kind of you,” Maya interjects. “Mason said that he was spending Christmas Day with you?”
Maya’s brother has been back in their lives for almost six months. He had turned up unexpectedly at the fire station in the middle of the pandemic, desperate for somewhere to stay safe. The virus was spreading rapidly through his community and he had already lost several friends who hadn’t been able to get the medical care they needed to survive it. It had shaken him and, with the shelters overrun with people, he’d had no choice but to ask for help.
Maya had been happy to see him. She had tried to find him several times, ready to beg him to come home with her, but each trip had been unsuccessful. Her heart had jumped when she saw him standing in the doorway of her office and she had thrown her arms around him, ignoring his protests – all protocols out of her mind as she had embraced him.
After a few nights in Maya’s spare room, Mason had moved in with their mom. It was safer that way, with Maya being a front line worker. It had given them all the chance to reconnect and build the family bonds that had been broken for so long. Mason had eventually moved out into his own apartment, accepting a small amount of financial help to keep him off the streets and give him the chance to start again on his own terms. He had a job at a local grocery store, and taught painting classes on the side. It was enough to keep him happy, and Maya was grateful that this one good thing had come out of an otherwise heartbreaking year.
“Oh yes, and he’s bringing his new girlfriend,” Katherine gushes. “Have you met her?”
“No, not yet. We’re going to catch up next week,” Maya says.
“That’ll be lovely,” Katherine says with a smile, happy to see her children grow closer. “Well, you girls look like you’re on your way out and I don’t want to hold you up.”
“We’re just off to buy a tree,” Maya says. “Why don’t we catch up on Christmas Eve? I’ll drop off our gifts to you then.”
Katherine beams. “I’d like that, sweetheart.”
She pulls her daughter into a warm embrace, which Maya gladly accepts, before leaving them in peace. When Maya turns around, she sees Carina stood with pinched lips and arms folded across her chest, and immediately knows why.
“Don’t be mad,” Maya tries to appease her.
“You’re working on Christmas Day?”
“Carina…”
“Maya, why didn’t you tell me? It’s our first Christmas! I thought that we’d be spending it together, I made sure I wasn’t working so that we could be together. Isn’t that what you want too?”
She looks hurt and Maya feels guilty for upsetting her.
“Of course I do,” she says.
“Then why am I only just learning this from your mom?”
“Because I lied,” Maya says. “To my mom, I mean. I lied about having to work on Christmas Day because I knew that she would want us to spend the day with her and… and I’m glad that things are better with us now, and with Mason too, but I’m not ready for a happy family Christmas.”
She takes a deep breath and sighs.
“This year has been a lot – you, us, my Dad, the pandemic. So much has happened and sometimes it’s too much to get my head ‘round,” Maya admits.
She walks up to Carina and places her hands around her waist, encouraging Carina to turn towards her.
“But I know that you have been the best part of this year. And I want what you want,” Maya says. “I want to spend Christmas Day with you. Just you and me.”
She feels Carina relax under her touch and tugs her hips closer.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
Carina tilts her head. “Just you and me, huh?”
Maya nods. “Just you and me,” she repeats, “…and Christmas songs, and more food than we can eat, and some crappy Christmas movies, and whatever else you want to do.”
She nuzzles her nose against Carina’s cheek and kisses the corner of her mouth, which turns upwards at her affection.
“Okay,” Carina relents, causing Maya to grin.
“Come on, let’s go before the snow gets worse.”
* * * * * * * * * *
Two hours later and a seven foot tree stands proudly in the corner of their apartment. Its branches are thick and lush with green pine needles. Carina is rifling through Maya’s Christmas decorations, pulling out lights and beads and baubles.
“Bella, these decorations are…”
“Sad? Pathetic?” Maya finishes her sentence.
She has never indulged in anything decent, only ever picking up cheap decorations at the grocery store to hang on a small plastic tree that she usually puts up on Christmas Eve and takes down two days later.
Carina scrunches up her nose in agreement. She untangles a set of tree lights and plugs them into the socket. There is a small spark as she flicks the switch and as soon as the lights are on, they are off again. Carina jumps back and shakes her head.
“This is no good.”
“I guess maybe we should have stopped for new decorations while we were out,” Maya says ruefully. She reaches for Carina’s own box of decorations and places it on the small table in front of the sofa. “What about yours?”
They both kneel on the ground and Carina opens the box. Everything is wrapped up in tissue and bubble wrap, and Maya sits back, letting Carina open them one by one, watching her eyes glaze over as each ornament brings her happy memories.
“Andrea bought me this when he was five years old,” Carina says, cradling a small snowman in her hands. “He had saved up his pocket money and was so proud of himself.”
Next is a set of four wooden reindeer with ribbons to hang them on the tree. “I bought these in Milan, the first time my Papa took me. I was five, maybe six years old. The stall owner engraved them for me, see?”
Carina points to one that has her name engraved in the side, the others bearing the names of her parents and brother.
She pulls out a tall wooden soldier, decorated in red and white, with soft feathers as hair.
“Have you ever seen the Nutcracker?”
Maya shakes her head, no.
“My Mama used to take me. The first time was just after Andrea was born, I think she wanted us to have something that we shared just the two of us. It became our own tradition, she took me every year until…”
Carina falters. She still remembers that first Christmas they were gone, and it was just her and her Papa. Her father had found an excuse to go to work and she had spent Christmas Day alone, curled up in a chair in his office. No decorations in sight, the day had been spent staring at cold and clinical hospital walls.
“You miss her,” Maya says softly.
It’s a statement, not a question, and all it elicits is a shrug of her shoulders.
“I lived without my Mama in my life for a long time before she died,” Carina says.
“Doesn’t mean you don’t miss her,” Maya says, reaching out and wrapping a hand around Carina’s. She squeezes it gently and Carina looks up at her, her eyes shining with tears.
“I would like to go to church on Christmas Eve,” Carina says. “I like to go and light a candle – for my Mama and my Nonna. Listen to some carols. Would that be okay?”
Maya smiles gently. “Of course that’s okay. Do you… can I come with you?”
Carina returns her smile. “I would love that.”
She leans forwards and places a light kiss on Maya’s cheek. Maya’s reaches out to catch her head in her hand and she brings her lips to meet hers.
“Now who’s distracting us?” Carina teases.
Maya grins and tips her head towards the box. “What else is in there?”
Carina sits back on her heels and returns to the box, pulling out more ornaments and decorations to hang from the tree. There are more stories of her upbringing – afternoons spent with her cousins painting homemade baubles, visits to the Christmas markets with her grandparents, sneaking out of school to go ice-skating with her friends. Maya loves getting a snapshot of what Carina was like as a child and a teenager.
They hang the lights first, choosing coloured lights to brighten up the tree. Silver and gold beads follow before they fill the branches with multi-coloured baubles and decorations – the best of Maya’s small collection and all of Carina’s memories, the perfect mix of the two of them. Maya takes it all in, and feels her a warmth spread through her body. This is what complete happiness feels like, she realises.
“Oh no.”
Carina sounds solemn and Maya spins to look at her with concern. “What?”
“There’s nothing to put on the top of the tree!”
Maya looks up at the bare branch at the top of the tree.
“You don’t have anything in your box?”
Carina shakes her head. “I had an angel but Andrea wanted something from home and I gave it to him last year.” She sighs. “We can’t have a tree without something on top.”
“Well, the snow is coming down too fast for us to go out and buy something,” Maya muses. An idea comes to mind. “Hang on.”
She walks back into the kitchen. Carina watches her curiously as she rummages around in the drawers, returning a few minutes later with a silver star fashioned out of aluminium foil.
Carina laughs and Maya pretends to look offended.
“It’s the best I could do,” she says.
She passes the star to Carina. “Here, you’re taller.”
Carina rises onto her tiptoes and places the star carefully on top of the tree, before stepping backwards so that she is standing side by side next to Maya.
“We’ll get a proper one when we can,” Maya says.
“No,” Carina objects. “Let’s keep it. It’s perfect just as it is.”
Maya smiles up at her. “I have one more decoration.”
“You do?” Carina raises her eyebrows with curiosity.
Maya grabs a paper bag that is hidden behind the sofa. She holds it between her two hands and extends her arms out in front of her. Carina slips her hand inside, her face lighting up in recognition at what she can feel. She smiles as she pulls out a sprig of mistletoe, a red ribbon wrapped around it.
“Mistletoe!”
With a playful smile, she holds it above her head with one hand, the other tugging at the hem of Maya’s sweater to pull her closer. Maya tosses the bag to the floor and slips her hands around Carina’s waist, leaning into her for a slow, deep kiss.
“You’re the best part of my year too,” Carina whispers.
As she drops her head to embrace Maya in another kiss, Maya feels a wave of happiness wash through her once again. She never thought that life would be this good, she never thought that her heart would be open to the possibility of so much love. She finds herself getting sentimental at times about how much this year has changed her life, how much it has changed her. And with the holiday season approaching, she is pretty sure this is going to be the best Christmas she has ever had.