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Kagome grunted and groaned as she dragged the tree down the street. She should have asked at least Sota to come and help her, but of course she’d been so sure that she’d be able to manage on her own.
And once again, of course, she’d been so, so wrong.
It would have been easier, she supposed, if she hadn’t picked the biggest tree at the hardware store. It would have been easier, she supposed, if she’d asked her mother to drive her, or if she’d had the common sense to bring a wagon or something to tie the tree to. But no, she’d been her usual impulsive self, and when she’d gotten home from Sengoku Jidai, and realized it was Christmas Eve, she grabbed some money and promptly rushed out the door to the local hardware store. She braved the cold, and the snowy sidewalks; she even haggled with the cashier over the price of the tree. He argued that it was Christmas Eve, and if she was so desperate, she should pay the asking price; she argued that it was Christmas Eve, and if the store didn’t want to be left with so many trees, they would allow her to pay what she was offering.
In the end, Kagome had won out, but she also had to get the tree home, so maybe she hadn’t been as victorious as she’d felt in the moment?
She sighed, and adjusted the trunk in her hands, trying to ignore the sap and the pine needles pricking her skin, and trying to ignore the tears forming in her eyes.
She just wanted to have a nice Christmas. Even if that Christmas didn’t include Inuyasha.
Kagome knew she was being silly; he had let her go home, only because she begged and pleaded and said she needed to get back for some exams before the schools closed for the New Years holiday. She wasn’t lying; she really did need to get some studying in without a certain hanyou hovering over her every second of every day. But she hadn’t realized how close to Christmas and New Years it actually was until she returned. And now that she was here, she wished with all her heart that Inuyasha could be there with her, even if it meant he looked over her shoulder while she studied.
Because Christmas Eve was a night for couples, for being with the one you loved, and without Inuyasha, the holiday felt empty to Kagome.
She grunted, and tugged on the tree. When it went absolutely nowhere, she sighed, and set it down as she began to look for the place where the tree was stuck on the sidewalk.
Kagome was on her knees, her face pressed into the pine, her hands and arms completely enveloped in pine needles, when she heard a familiar voice that nearly made her fall completely into the tree.
“Oi, Kagome,” it said. “What the fuck are you doing all up in that tree? And why the fuck is it on the ground in the middle of the sidewalk?”
Kagome let out a little shriek and shot back up to her knees, ignoring the way the pine needles dragged across her face and skin. “Inu—Inuyasha!” she exclaimed, looking at him with surprise. “What are you doing here?”
Inuyasha stood over her, a dark gray beanie covering his ears to protect them from the cold, his arms crossed into his robe of the fire-rat. His golden eyes peered at her suspiciously. He looked so handsome—she was so relieved to see him—that she both blushed and started to cry.
In a flash Inuyasha had dropped to her side and was looking at her anxiously. “Aw, fuck, ‘Gome,” he said nervously, “please don’t cry. What’s going on?”
His attempt to be kind made her cry even harder. “I—I got home today—” she sobbed, now completely ridiculous and not even caring, “And I realized it was Christmas Eve, and I wanted a tree, and I went to the hardware and got the biggest one they had and realized I didn’t have a way to get it home and…”
Inuyasha’s hand on her shoulder gave her pause. She stopped her crying and looked up at him, hiccuping slightly. His eyes were narrowed with concern; his face was perplexed. “So…” he replied, “let me get this straight. You got a tree at this ‘hardware store’ and now you wanna take it back to the shrine?” Kagome hiccuped again, and nodded. Inuyasha sighed and got to his feet; he held out his hand to her, and when she took it, she shivered at the feel of his rough fingers grasping hers as he pulled her to her feet.
“Here,” he said, pushing her lightly to the side, “you really wanna take this tree to the shrine?” When she nodded, he bent over and picked up the tree easily, hefting it under one arm. “Come on,” he said, “let’s get this back to the shrine.” And he took off at a fast pace, Kagome jogging to keep up.
Kagome followed as quickly as she could, unable to contain her joy at Inuyasha’s arrival.
“Why are you so fucking happy?” he grunted, adjusting the tree in his grip.
Kagome blushed. “Because you’re here,” she whispered. “And you’re here helping me on Christmas.”
“Keh,” he scoffed, “what’s so great about this ‘Currisumas’?”
Kagome smiled softly. “It’s a time to spread happiness, for families to get together and give thanks, and…” she trailed off.
“What else?” Inuyasha asked.
Kagome blushed and looked at the ground, but answered him. “It’s a time for couples to spend together and exchange gifts,” she said in a rush, her face very heated, and her eyes refusing to meet his.
Inuyasha was silent; Kagome felt her insides going to pieces. Had she said too much? Had she made him angry? He was almost never quiet; the fact that he was in this moment was a little unnerving.
“What—what kinds of gifts would couples—would they give each other?” he asked softly. When Kagome looked up at him, his face was also bright red and he too was looking at the ground. Her heart beat wildly, but she knew she had to keep it together if she wanted to answer him.
“All kinds of things,” she replied. “Homemade things, jewelry...something that shows the other person how much they mean to you.”
“I’m carrying this tree for you,” he answered her. “Does that count as a gift?”
Kagome giggled. “Sure,” she said. “It can count.”
“Good,” he told her. “Because it’s a fucking pain to lug. You said you got the biggest one?” When she nodded, he laughed. “Because of course you fucking did.”
Inuyasha and Kagome chatted lightly all the way back to the shrine. He hauled the tree up the shrine steps, waving Kagome off when she tried to help. He managed to get it to the top without too much difficulty, and then he did allow Kagome to help him carry it across the courtyard (she took the smaller end, of course), so that the tree wouldn’t drag through the freshly fallen snow. He held the tree while Kagome pushed open the door, and when Kagome called out, “I’m home!” her family came into the genkan to see the tree while Kagome removed her shoes.
“Kagome,” her mother exclaimed, “did you have to get a tree that big?”
“I think it looks awesome,” her brother Sota said. “It’s gonna go right up to the ceiling!”
“Where would you like this, oba-san?” Inuyasha asked Kagome’s mother.
“We have a spot for it in the washitsu,” Mrs. Higurashi replied, leading Inuyasha and Kagome into the room. She pointed, and Inuyasha saw a red thing sitting on the floor; it had a round center with spikes poking out of it.
“We put the tree there, Inuyasha,” Kagome explained. “And then the spikes are screws that will go into the sides of the tree. If you can hold the tree upright, I can screw it in and hold it in place.”
“Keh,” he answered, “not a problem.”
Inuyasha carried the tree over to the stand, and sank it into the middle. Kagome scrambled under the tree and set about screwing it in place; Inuyasha shouting at her if they needed to change the angle was both hilarious and infuriating.
When it was standing up straight, Inuyasha had Kagome switch places with him; she held the tree steady while he climbed around underneath, making sure all the screws were tight and in place. Satisfied, he stood up and took a step back.
“So the tree is up,” he said to Kagome. “Why do you have a tree in your house again?”
“So we can decorate it!” Sota exclaimed, and he and Kagome left the washitsu, jabbering away excitedly. Inuyasha heard them go upstairs and, his ears carefully following every sound, pull some boxes from a closet. He then heard them barreling down the stairs, only to find them both balancing a pile of boxes in their arms.
“Are you two stupid?” Inuyasha exclaimed, taking Sota’s boxes and giving Kagome a death glare. “Or are ya trying to hurt yourselves?”
“Open the boxes, Inuyasha,” breathed Kagome, and when he did, he found lights, garland, and smaller boxes full of what Kagome called “ornaments.”
“All this goes on the tree,” she told him as she and Sota began plugging in the lights to make sure they worked. Strands that still lit up, they put in one pile; strands that did not, they put in another. Kagome went into the kitchen and brought back a chair; she placed it next to the tree and stood on it.
“Pass me the lights, Inuyasha,” she directed him. “And don’t get them tangled.”
“Keh,” he retorted, “that won’t be a problem.”
Except that it was. Inuyasha had a hard time keeping the strings of lights separate, and they were all clumping together as his claws got tangled in the cords. Kagome tried really hard not to lose it with him as she struggled to hang the lights just so on the branches; when Sota stepped in and helped Inuyasha hold out the lights in long rows, she breathed a sigh of relief. They were so diligent in getting the lights hung that when Mrs. Higurashi poked her head in to say that she was leaving to get Christmas dinner, no one so much as said goodbye, although Inuyasha’s ears did swivel in her direction. Mrs. Higurashi smiled, waved goodbye to Jii-chan, and left the shrine.
Kagome, meanwhile, had finished stringing the lights, and was now handing out ornaments for Inuyasha and Sota to hang on the tree. In one of the boxes she found Santa hats, and put one on Sota and one on Inuyasha. She couldn’t help but giggle at how adorable Inuyasha was in the hat; inspired, she ran to the kitchen and grabbed some scissors, then took the hat off his head, cut two holes for his ears, and then slipped it back on, gently tugging his ear through the cutouts she made. He growled, but his ears wiggled at her, and she knew that deep down, he liked it too.
Kagome watched carefully as Inuyasha and Sota dutifully took the ornaments she handed them, Sota often telling Inuyasha the story of each ornament. Kagome grew misty when Sota went through the ornaments their father had liked best—someone her little brother had never known and yet, someone that Sota was able to get to know, regardless, through the ornaments they still had and the stories they still told. Inuyasha listened attentively, his eyes following Sota with genuine interest, but Kagome saw them flicker back to her, as if checking to make sure that throughout the conversation, she was still okay.
Which she was.
She was sure he could smell the salt on her scent, but each time he looked into her eyes, she was also sure that he could see the joy that she felt in her heart. The tightness in her chest that was slowly spreading as warmth throughout her body. Watching Inuyasha and Sota together, hanging ornaments on the tree, arguing about the best place to put them…
“Kagome?” It was her mother, who had returned from her shopping trip. Kagome could smell the fried chicken, which was probably hot and ready to be eaten, and her stomach rumbled. Mrs. Higurashi laughed softly. She dropped her purchases on the kitchen table, then came back into the washitsu and put her arm around her daughter.
“You’re missing Papa,” she said softly. Kagome nodded and nestled into her mother’s touch. Mrs. Higurashi sighed. “Yes,” she added quietly, “I miss him, too.”
“It’s not the same as it always has been, though, Mama,” Kagome replied. “I—it doesn’t hurt quite as much? I’m still sad, yes, but I also feel like...the hole in my heart? It’s slowly being filled. Like I’m gonna be okay.”
Mrs. Higurashi’s own heart both ached and leapt. She was so happy her daughter was feeling less of the pain of not having her father at Christmas. But Mrs. Higurashi also understood why, and as she watched the hanyou in her washitsu argue good-naturedly with her son, she maybe felt a little less of the pain, too.
And so her heart ached because she knew she would never be able to heal in the way Kagome was healing, but her heart leapt for the two of them, and also, for her son, and her father-in-law, and for herself, that Inuyasha had brought such excitement and such joy into their lives again.
Inuyasha and Sota finished hanging the ornaments, and Kagome and her mother finished the tree by stringing the garland. Her grandfather wandered into the washitsu to watch the activities, and put in his own opinions about how the women should hang the garland. Kagome fussed, her mother laughed, and eventually the tree was complete. They all stood back and admired their handiwork: the colored lights twinkling, the ornaments carefully placed, and the garland perfectly picking up the lights on the tree.
“Just one more thing,” said Kagome’s mother, and she dug through one of the boxes to produce a gorgeous, silver and gold star. She handed it to Kagome. “Perhaps you and Inuyasha could do the honors?” she asked.
Kagome nodded, and took Inuyasha’s hand to lead him back to the tree. She looked up at the top and frowned. “I’ll get the chair again,” she said, and made to leave when she felt strong arms grasp her waist and lift her as easily as he’d lifted the tree that afternoon. She looked down, and Inuyasha was gazing back up at her, his golden eyes flickering and seeming to glow from within. Her heart caught in her throat.
“Go—go ahead,” he said gruffly, and she reached up to set the star on the top of the tree, Inuyasha holding her steady. Her hands shook—how could they not with how intimately he was holding her?— but she managed to get the star just right, and he gently lowered her to the ground. She found herself collapsing into his side, and he kept an arm about her waist to support her, tugging her to him just a tad more closely.
“Now it’s perfect,” Mama smiled, drawing Sota to her and wrapping her arms around her youngest child, pulling him into a warm hug.
“It is,” said Kagome, looking up at Inuyasha, who grunted his agreement, then blushed.
“Come on, Kagome dear,” her mother said, “let’s go set the table for dinner.” She led Sota by the hand, who grabbed Jii-chan’s hand in turn to bring him along. Kagome started to follow her mother, but Inuyasha’s grip on her held her back.
“Everything okay?” she asked him softly.
His eyes were still glowing, unreadable against the lights of the tree. “This is—nice,” he said quietly.
“I’m glad you’re here,” she replied, just as quietly.
His eyes reflected hers, and she could see the longing that was so clear in her own brown eyes. She wondered if he could see it, too.
“Come on,” he answered instead, still holding her by the waist but bringing her towards the kitchen, “your mama’s waiting for your help.”
Kagome smiled, and allowed herself to rest her head on Inuyasha’s shoulder for one brief moment, before they headed into the kitchen to join her family.
Kagome tossed and turned in her bed. No matter how hard she closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind, she couldn’t sleep. She tried counting sheep; she tried singing herself a lullaby; she tried those relaxation exercises where you imagine a ping pong ball bouncing through your body. Nothing worked. She rolled over and sighed, opening her eyes. Inuyasha was leaning up against the opposite wall, his head resting back gently, the Tetsusaiga sitting in his lap, the Santa hat still perched on his head. His ears were drooping through the holes she had cut for them; it was so cute that Kagome had to smile. She could hear the soft snores that indicated he was at peace; how often was she the one awake and he was the one asleep?
In order to make sure he stayed asleep, she quietly tumbled out of bed and put on her slippers. Her bedroom door was closed, but she silently turned the knob and opened it, slipping out and closing it gently after her, the only sound the clicking of the lock. She turned, sighed, and padded downstairs.
The house was quiet; everyone had gone to bed hours ago, and now, only Kagome was awake. She...liked it that way. It wasn’t often that she was alone with her thoughts, but tonight, it was something that she needed. She went into the washitsu and paused, looking at their Christmas tree, the garland glowing slightly in the moonlight that reflected through the windows. She smiled, and went to the wall to plug the tree in. When the lights flickered on, they cast a soft, colorful glow across the room. Kagome sat down in front of the tree and looked up, her sleepy brown eyes taking in the lights, the ornaments, the garland.
How many Christmases had they had as a family? How many where all of them were together? How many with her father, but without Sota? And how many with Sota and Jii-chan, but without her father? The people in her family seemed to rotate in and out. Even if she felt as though they were a steady presence in her life, she had learned, all too early on, that people could be taken from her in a moment, and that she needed to hold onto them, to love them, to make the most of their time together.
And perhaps that was why she clung so tightly to Inuyasha. She was in love with him; she had known that for some time now. She wanted to be near him, always: she’d known that, too. His feelings towards her were...unclear...although the fact that he’d followed her home, that he stayed , that he helped decorate the tree (and that he had touched her so intimately when he lifted her to put the Christmas star atop the tree), that he devoured the fried chicken and Christmas cake her mother had brought home, and that he was now asleep in her room...all these things led her to believe that, at the very least, he liked being near her, too.
While that wasn’t always enough for Kagome, in that moment? To her? It was.
She didn’t know what would happen when they went back through the well. She didn’t know if they would live, or die. She didn’t know if they would be able to collect all the jewel shards and defeat Naraku. She didn’t know if Inuyasha would honor his commitment to Kikyo in the end and leave her. Nothing was for certain. Nothing was written in stone.
The only thing that Kagome knew was that she loved Inuyasha. And that, right now? He was here, in her house, with her, with her family. It evoked a feeling that tugged at her chest, that made her miss her dad and wish he could be there, because she wanted desperately for him to see how she and Sota had grown, and more than anything, she wanted her father to meet Inuyasha.
“Papa would have liked you, I think,” she whispered, bringing her fingers up to touch a glass ornament. It was a paper fan, intricately carved: one of her father’s favorites. The tears slipped out before she had a chance to stop them, and Kagome clutched at the ornament, both missing her father and happy that she was there, at home, with her family, on Christmas Eve.
“Who would your father have liked, ‘Gome?” It was Inuyasha.
Kagome dropped the ornament, then squeaked and steadied it when it threatened to fall from the tree. She looked up at him; he was standing over her, his arms folded, his handsome face lined with concern. He dropped and sat cross-legged beside her, looking deeply into her eyes. “Who were you talking about? Who would he have liked?”
Kagome reached out and adjusted the ornament one last time; the movement calmed her nerves. “You,” she said softly. “My dad would have liked you.”
“Keh,” he retorted gently. “Ain’t nothing special about me.”
“Oh,” Kagome said, spinning around to face him, “that’s where you’re wrong, and you know it! You’re kind, and fierce, and loyal, and brave. And sometimes funny. And a good listener, when you’re not being a total jackass. And…”
“Okay, okay,” he replied, holding up a hand and laughing gently. “I get it.” He grew silent and followed her gaze up the tree. “It’s pretty,” he commented.
“It is,” she agreed.
“You’re up late,” he told her.
“I am,” she said. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“Ya should have woken me up,” he said seriously, “I would have kept you company.”
“Oh,” she answered frantically, “it’s really okay. I wouldn’t have wanted to wake you up. Not when you were sleeping so peacefully.”
“Keh,” he said, settling down more solidly on the floor, “I wouldn’t have minded since you needed me.”
Kagome blushed, and looked away, pretending to be very interested in the other ornaments on the tree. She...couldn’t deny that she had needed him, but she also couldn’t deny that she felt guilty about needing him so much, especially when he needed sleep, and when he didn’t need her.
“Hey.” She felt a warm, rough hand cover hers, and Kagome turned her head back. Inuyasha had moved closer to her; she could feel his body heat against hers, and his breath was hot on her cheek. She allowed her eyes to roam and meet his; when he smiled at her, she felt her entire body tense up from its warmth.
“Can you...can you tell me again about...what is tonight? Cuurisumas Eve?”
“Christmas Eve,” she agreed gently. “And sure. What do you want to know?”
It was dark, but Kagome thought that maybe Inuyasha was blushing a little?
“You...you said this afternoon that it’s a holiday for couples?”
Was she...was she asleep? Was this a dream? Was Inuyasha asking her if Christmas Eve was a couple’s holiday?
Kagome took a deep breath. It had been a lot easier to say this to him in the middle of the day, when he was carrying a Christmas tree home, than it was to say it in the middle of the night, when said Christmas tree was casting a rainbow glow over his hair, making dance and shine and twinkle in the colored lights. His golden eyes refracted the lights, sparkling like fireworks in the darkness. Had he...had he ever been so beautiful to her? Had she ever been so nervous?
“Yes,” she said at last. “Christmas Eve is supposed to be a family holiday, a time to get together and be thankful for each other, but also...it’s a couple’s holiday, too. Couples exchange gifts with each other, like I told you this afternoon, and let each other know how much they love the other person.”
Inuyasha nodded in understanding, his face an adorable brown study. “So if there were someone that I...wanted to give a gift to,” he said haltingly, trying out the words on his tongue, “that would be a sign of how I feel?”
Kagome nodded. “Yeah,” she replied. “It’s a great way to let another person know your feelings.”
She could have sworn that his face fell. “But I...I don’t have a gift to give, Kagome,” he said. “I don’t have anything to give.” He reached forward and squeezed her hands. “I’m just me, Kagome,” he continued, looking her full in the face, his eyes now shining. “I’m just me. Can you...can you accept that? Can you accept me ?”
“Inuyasha,” she said, confusion seeping into her tone, “of course I can accept you. Haven’t I always accepted you?”
Inuyasha shook his head. “No,” he answered. “If I have to give you a gift to show you how I feel, and I have nothing to give you…”
The realization of what he was saying swept over Kagome in a massive wave; she felt nearly sick to her stomach. Was Inuyasha...saying that he had feelings for her? That he was interested in her, maybe even in love with her?
No...Kagome shook her head.
“‘Gome?” His voice was soft, and gentle...more so than she’d ever heard it before. She shut her eyes tight. This...this was not happening. He...he had never even so much as indicated he had feelings for her, and now? On Christmas Eve? The couples’ holiday?
“I...I wish I had a gift to give you.” His voice was now barely a whisper. She felt the pads of his fingers press into her chin and tilt her head up. “I wish that I had...something to give you.”
Kagome opened her eyes. He was close...so close. His eyes burned molten lava, and they were full of something Kagome had never seen before.
Longing.
Commissioned Artwork by magnoliajades
“You...you don’t have to give me anything, Inuyasha,” Kagome said honestly. “I’m just happy that you’re here...with me.” She paused, closed her eyes, and opened them again. His fingers increased the pressure on her chin slightly. “You are...you are the best gift, Inuyasha.”
He chuckled. “If that’s the case, ‘Gome,” he whispered, “then let me see if I can be an even better gift.” He closed his eyes, and gently tilted her chin up as he crossed the distance between them and pressed his lips to hers.
Kagome’s entire body lit up, her reiki flaring in response to his kiss. His lips were soft, and rubbed seductively against her own. She couldn’t help it; her arms went around his shoulders, and pulled him closer to her. She felt Inuyasha chuckle slightly at her enthusiasm, and the rumble in his chest told her exactly how much he was enjoying the kiss.
Now that his entire body was pressed against hers, Kagome felt all of him there, close to her, for her, and only her. For the first time in a long time, she felt as though he was hers, and hers alone, and that his feelings for her were pure, and uninfluenced by others.
This was him : gentle, and vulnerable, and loving. This was Inuyasha, laying bare how he felt about her...about Kagome.
And from the way that he was kissing her? The way that he was gripping her chin in one hand, tangling his fingers in her hair with his other hand? The way that he was increasing the pressure of the kiss? Kagome could only moan softly in response, and then gasp when his tongue teased the seam of her lips, gently pushing its way in.
His tongue was warm, and pulsing, and curling inside her mouth, seeking out her own tongue and wrapping it up. The heat of his kiss was awakening something deep, and instinctual within her, and suddenly all Kagome wanted—all she could think about or feel—was Inuyasha . Now that he was within her, and all around her, it was becoming increasingly clear just how much she loved him and needed him. And maybe, how much he felt the same about her.
Just as quickly as the kiss started, Inuyasha broke it off, and moved his hands so that his arms looped around her neck. He rested his forehead against hers, and they breathed together in unison, as they came down from their mutual high.
“Inuyasha,” she whispered, “that was…”
“Fucking incredible,” he breathed. “You are...I mean…”
“Yes,” she panted. “But...are you sure that you wanted to…”
“I don’t want to kiss anyone else, ‘Gome,” he whispered, lightly pressing his lips to hers again. “No one else. Only you. Just you.”
“I only want to kiss you, too,” she whispered back.
He chuckled and tugged her into his lap. “Good,” he said, “because I would be pretty fucking pissed if you wanted to kiss that Hobo kid.”
Kagome turned her face up to his for another kiss, one that he eagerly gave her. “Like I said,” she murmured, “only you.” She snuggled into his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. “Only ever you.”
“Only ever you, too,” he breathed into her ear, causing her to shiver deliciously.
They sat together for a moment, enjoying the peace that had settled between them, the lights on the tree reflecting the light that had bloomed in Kagome’s heart. She...couldn’t believe what was happening. She was here. With Inuyasha. On Christmas Eve. And he had kissed her . On Christmas Eve.
Everything...was perfect.
“It really is true,” she whispered. “You are the best present.”
“What is it you say tonight, Kagome?” he asked, his voice rough with feeling. “Merry Christmas?”
Kagome smiled and pulled his arms even more tightly around her.
“Yes, Inuyasha,” she said, going back for yet one kiss more, “It is a very Merry Christmas.”