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Yeonjun was still unloading his boxes when Soobin went into his room — now their room — to check if his boyfriend was done unpacking. It took a lot of convincing for Yeonjun to finally move in with him; how it’s all more convenient, how it’s nearer to Yeonjun’s workplace, that they could actually save more money, and that ‘no, it’s fine it doesn’t bother me, you practically live here anyway’.
Soobin didn’t think it’s too early, they’ve been together for almost five years now and yeah, he’d actually love to have Yeonjun with him; to see him every morning and see him before he went to sleep.
But he thought that Yeonjun wouldn’t need to move a bunch of stuff since he had loads of things around Soobin’s apartment; from his toothbrush to some of his clothes. Yeonjun apparently had more clothes and more things to move. He’s sort of glad that his work paid enough to afford his huge apartment, especially now that he and Yeonjun would be living together.
It was almost dinner time, and seeing how tired Yeonjun was from moving, Soobin interfered with Yeonjun's busy self and volunteered to unpack the last three boxes.
“You could go take a bath and rest for awhile, hyung. I’ll just unload your last boxes. You’ve been arranging your things for hours, I bet you’re already tired.”
“No, it’s fine. These are my things.” Yeonjun huffed, “I should be the one to organize them. Besides you’ve been helping me the whole day.”
“It’s fine, hyung. I could unpack those last ones, they’re smaller. I think they’re mostly your little things since most of your clothes are unpacked. Besides, you told me your back’s already hurting. You should take a long bath and relax now.”
“Are you sure, Binnie?”
“Of course, love. I’m done showering and there’s nothing else to do.”
“Okay, okay.” Yeonjun relented, getting up from the floor, “I only have these three boxes left… I think they’re mostly mini figurines or my speakers and tech stuff...”
“Sure, I’ll handle everything.” Soobin pulled him up, placing a quick peck on his lips, then pushed him towards the bathroom, “Now go. Take that bath! You’re getting smelly.”
“Hey!”
Soobin laughed as he threw fresh towels to Yeonjun’s face and sat where his boyfriend was sitting, opening the last boxes and taking all the things out. Sure enough, Yeonjun has his jewelry boxes for his earrings and rings, most of his sunglasses and oh, Soobin couldn’t help but coo as he saw the Judy bunny that Soobin had luckily won for him in their school carnival when they’re back in college.
He started placing everything and in a short amount of time, he finished and placed them all in their respective places. Well all except one, there was a thick, hardbound, navy blue book with no jackets or anything sitting at the very end of Yeonjun’s last box.
Soobin thought it’s weird because Yeonjun hardly reads — he hates reading and he usually just listens to Soobin read or would actually just love to see the movie version. He thought it was his book, something that he probably left in Yeonjun’s apartment just like the other dozens of books that Yeonjun had in the previous boxes, but it wasn’t familiar. And so, Soobin sat by his — their — bed and decided to check it out.
As soon as he opened the book though, what greeted him was such a cute surprise;
‘Junnie’s Book’ ‘My Diary NO IT'S A JOURNAL!’ Owned by Daniel Choi Yeonjun, Age: 5, on its front cover. The word ‘Diary’ had a strike through with another pen as if he decided to erase it after a long period of time.
He had no clue that Yeonjun had a diary. A five year old Yeonjun. Soobin smiled as he tried to imagine what a five year old Yeonjun was like and so, he had no qualms about turning the page to read and find out.
Yeonjun’s first entry was his 5th birthday and Soobin could already tell that his boyfriend was a cute baby.
09.13.2004
-Sunny day-
Junnie’s birthday!!
I’m five today and Eomma told me to use this to practice my writing! I’m a big boy now so I need to write~ it’s my gift! With crayons and markers and all big boy things!
It was adorable how a five year old Yeonjun thinks. His penmanship was neat for such a young age.
What’s even more adorable was there were at least twenty more pages afterwards that was filled with his ‘daily entries’ of trying to write his name, ‘Choi Yeonjun’ and ‘Daniel Choi’ both in Hangeul and in English with a bunch of a quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog in lowercase and uppercase.
Soobin smiled after flipping the pages and found yet another entry, this time from a six year old Yeonjun;
09.13.2005
-Cloudy day-
Junnie is now 6 years old! Like a REAL BIG BOY
Soobin didn’t know how many times he said cute in his head. But hey, his boyfriend really is cute! Even now.
Eomma didn’t get me a new diary :(( She says this book should be used for 5 years :( so I don’t get a new Junnie’s book
Eomma said I’ll go to daycare soon! It’s where all big boys go! I’m so excited ~ I get to meet more friends like Yohan in the center park! He goes to daycare too! We’ll meet there!
‘Huh,’ Soobin thought, he didn’t know that Yeonjun knew Yohan that long… He always thought Wooyoung and San were the ones he knew since diapers but, oh well, it was great to know that Yohan was Yeonjun’s oldest friend.
And so eomma got me a bag! and she also bought me new crayons! They’re soo big! my cousin, Eunbi noona is soooo jealous because hers are just small! I’m happy even if I don’t get a new book
Laughing, Soobin could imagine Eunbi noona’s jealous face when Yeonjun got bigger crayons. He remembered meeting Yeonjun’s cousin when Eunbi noona went back to Seoul for a short holiday vacation with his family. He loved seeing how the two cousins bantered on who’s better than who, yet could also see how much they cared for each other.
The following pages were filled with drawings of six year old Yeonjun as well as short entries of Eunbi’s and Yohan’s playtime visits.
09.xx.2005
-Rainy day-
Eomma prepared my things for daycare tomorrow :( Junnie is sad. I didn’t know that eomma would leave me alone… I’m scared :( I know I should be a big boy but… I don’t want to leave without my eomma! I love her very much! I don’t know if I like being a big boy now...
Yeonjun has always been attached to his mom. Even Soobin, as a toddler, always stuck to his mom like glue. But he believed that Yeonjun would enjoy daycare since out of everyone that Soobin knew, Yeonjun was the only one who enjoyed school so much. Thus, it wasn’t a big surprise when he read the next entry.
09.xx.2005
-Sunny day-
Daycare was fun! I cried when eomma left but then teacher Dara came and she said that eomma will go back! Then she showed me my seat with my name on it and the room is full of toys!! Junnie has a lot of toys and I have a shelf for them but daycare has many many many shelf of toys and coloring books! And we sing and dance!
I made some friends too! Wooyoungie and San and Suhyun and Mark and Tzuyu - her name is pronounced as chewy but her name is spelled like that! She got mad when I spelled it wrong :( but Tzuyu is nice!!!
I met Yohan, my park friend too! So this day was fun! Eomma did go back and I’m going to see teacher Dara again tomorrow!
Oh, Yeonjun did meet Wooyoung and San in America. He probably got it all mixed up since they were all daycare classmates. He never knew who Mark was, now that he’s reading the names of six year old Yeonjun’s friends. But he did know about Suhyun and Tzuyu. He met Suhyun when he and Yeonjun had a vacation in America and stumbled upon her. And Tzuyu was Hueningkai’s crush when they were all younger. It’s weird how Hueningkai and Yeonjun attended the same elementary school in the states but never knew each other. He would have to ask that to him soon.
08.xx.2006
-Sad sunny day-
I was playing in the park with Wooyoungie, Sanie and Yohan today and Sanie has a new bike and he rides it so well! But then he made me try it and I tried it because it looked fun :( it was a bad decision :(( I fell as soon as I tried to ride it :((( I was crying when eomma saw because my leg has a scratch on it :( and it hurts… but eomma cleaned it, it still hurts :( But then she kissed it and made me hot choco and gave me cookies as I watched cartoons :) so that made me happy BUT I don’t want to ride bicycles ever again!
Soobin cooed at that entry. It was typical of Yeonjun to have fits and could imagine his boyfriend’s pouty face when he fell off the bicycle. Wooyoung and San actually told him this incident. It’s cute how he found out what Yeonjun felt back then.
03.xx.2007
-Sunny day-
It’s spring! The cold days are over and Wooyoungie, Sanie, Yohan and I are back at the park! This time I don't have to run with them (I still refuse to ride a bike even if appa taught me already) INSTEAD! I brought my new Skateboard I got from my uncle Siwon! He lives in Seoul but eomma said he paid for my skateboard! He’s so cool! I can’t wait to meet him!
But back to my skateboard! Everyone thinks I’m so cool!
I ’m sticking to my skateboard and it’s what I’ll bring whenever my friends and I go to the park!
Laughing as he finished the entry, Soobin lied down on the bed due to his fits of laughter. Young Yeonjun was just too adorable! He could actually imagine Yeonjun’s smug face when he showed his peers his new skill. Bet young San and Wooyoung or even Yohan felt jealous of the present Yeonjun got from his uncle Siwon.
“Why are you laughing?” Yeonjun suddenly emerged from the bathroom. Soobin quickly sat up and slyly hid the book behind him. He doesn’t want Yeonjun finding out that he’s reading his childhood diary. Well, atleast, not yet. Maybe after he read through it.
“I was reading this funny book,” Soobin said, technically it wasn’t a lie. It is a book. Yeonjun’s book. “Are you done taking a bath?” He asked, trying to change the subject.
“No… I might’ve color coded my clothes and fixed your closet arrangement...” Yeonjun replied sheepishly, “Is that okay?”
“Yeah, yeah it’s fine” Soobin said, unbothered. “I’ve been meaning to organize that messy closet anyway. Thank you so much, hyung. I love you, babe.”
“Ew, you’re so sappy” Yeonjun made a disgusted face as he walked back towards the bathroom “But I love you too~”
Soobin hoped that Yeonjun would take a long bath just so he could read the whole journal and so he asked him, “Would you want some bath bombs hyung? I have your favorite by the drawers”
“Yes! Thank you!”
He knew Yeonjun loved taking at least an hour long bath. With a favorite scent, it might even take longer. Soobin hoped it’ll be enough time to finish the whole diary.
09.xx.2008
-Cloudy Day-
I stopped writing here :(( it’s because in school I also have to write in a ‘daily journal’. When I told my teacher that I have my own, she told me that the daily journal is used for school :((
So I forgot about this book until I saw it today while I’m cleaning my drawers… I’m so sorry Junnie Book T-T I promised eomma that I’ll write here everyday but I always forget.
Well, that wasn’t a surprise. Even Soobin got to write in a daily diary for school. Now, he wonders where it is. Soobin decided that he should ask his mom for it. Then he could probably read it and share it to Yeonjun as compensation for reading his.
04.xx.2009
-Gloomy day-
I’m so sad T-T Wooyoung is moving back to Korea! I hate this! First, San moved back and now Wooyoung! Then Yohan won’t even be in my class next year since he’s moving schools! I only know Suhyun but she has her own set of friends! I hate this! I hate this! I hate this!
Ahh… So Yeonjun was turning ten when Wooyoung left America. Soobin thought how fortunate it was that they all met each other again in Seoul.
It was as if it would be ten year old Yeonjun’s final entry, as it was a five year diary, and there are blank pages afterwards.
But out of curiosity, Soobin flipped a few more pages and found another entry.
Yeonjun’s next entry was a few years after;
01.xx.2013
Wow.
It’s been a long while since I wrote here, huh?
S o we moved back to Seoul. Just today, actually.
Dad got a promotion and we all moved from America back to South Korea. I was 2 when we moved to America so I never knew what it felt like living here, but here I am.
I was moving my stuff to my new room and saw that this still existed. Rereading everything made my heart warm… I had a nice childhood.
I guess I could still write here huh? I’ll probably just write on random days when something particularly exciting happened and it’ll be a fun memory to read back to.
It is. Even Soobin himself found it entertaining. Yeonjun really had a nice childhood and Soobin was glad.
Oh and I met Wooyoung and San again. They lived a floor below us, what a coincidence, right? Wooyoung and San are neighbors and I’m just a floor above them. After almost 4 years, it’s as if they never left. We’re still as close as ever.
Okay, this is Daniel Choi, now Choi Yeonjun, here in Seoul. Let’s hope for an awesome year!
Yeonjun was thirteen when he moved to Seoul. It was interesting to read how Yeonjun’s life paced out. Soobin knew that he should stop reading since he’d only wanted to see Yeonjun’s childhood.
Yet a part of him urged him to go on. He’s already read most of it, anyways. And he couldn’t exactly tell Yeonjun that he only read half of it and expect his boyfriend to believe him.
Yup. That made sense.
Soobin convinced himself to read on. Another year had passed and the next entry looked a bit longer than the previous ones.
02.14.2014
So… girls gave me chocolates today… it’s valentine's day you see…
And Yeonjun was popular , as Soobin expected. Even if he and Yeonjun met in high school, Soobin knew that even in middle school, Yeonjun was an eye candy. Everyone loved him and Soobin is lucky enough to have Yeonjun love him back.
A girl even confessed to me on our school’s rooftop. I don’t know what’s with rooftops and confessing but yeah. She asked me to come, and I came ‘cause I thought it was important. I didn’t even know her personally, just knew she’s in the class next to ours.
So get this… I was about to refuse her, tell her I wasn’t looking for a relationship but then she came rushing to me and kissed me!
Yes, kissed me! I was shocked and I wasn’t expecting it?! And I was like what the fuck is she thinking?! Her lips were so sticky!
I think it was that makeup girls wear and Yeri hated. Lip gloss? Anyway, it was gross!
Now that I’m sane enough, I don’t know what’s with our batch and their obsession with kisses! And now my first one was stolen! It wasn’t even great!
‘Well, that’s rude.’ Soobin thought. He wasn’t expecting Yeonjun’s first kiss to be stolen from him. That’s just sad. Soobin couldn’t help but notice that Yeri was finally mentioned.
Yeri is probably one of the only girls who’s cool enough to boss Yeonjun around. Despite being only months apart, Yeri demanded Yeonjun to call her noona. She's scary but cool at the same time. A mother hen. Daehwi used to say and she is. Soobin remembered that one time, when Yeri asked about the stain on his uniform - an accident when someone bumped in to him - and this woman just decided to shout “WHO THE FUCK THREW THEIR STEAMING COFFEE ON MY SON’S UNIFORM?!? Huh?!” in their high school hallway. Yeah, she's that shameless.
So I told this to Yeri, and being the very supportive friend that she is, laughed her ass off. She told me the timing wasn’t great and that’s just sad… for me and the girl (idk what her name is I freaked out and never got to ask nor will I ever want to know) and Yeri then offered to kiss me! At first I was like wtf?!? Yeri?!? And she was like it’s chill, no homo and all (I was about to tell her that we ain't homo but i was too freaked out to respond)
Anyway, this is getting a bit long, but longer story, short. I agreed out of curiosity and Yeri and I did kiss. It’s actually better than the lipgloss girl, Yeri tasted like raspberries and her lips were soft, it wasn’t disgusting either and I actually enjoyed it. Yeri was so smug about it and I hated her for it :((
As expected, Yeri would be the type of person to prove that kissing is fun if a person knew how to kiss. And the person who would actually offer to kiss someone just to prove they’re a great kisser. It's no surprise to Soobin. Honestly, he loved Yeonjun’s and Yeri’s relationship. They’re like twins in a pod. If Yeonjun was a girl, he’d expect him to be like Yeri and if Yeri was a boy, he’d expect her to be like Yeonjun. They’re both a chaotic bunch and he could never imagine their list of mischief in middle school.
Still, I don’t get the hype about the kissing.S ure it’s fun, but I don’t think I’d like to kiss Yeri again.
I t’s weird enough that she offered but we’re chill since we don’t like each other like that.
But I’m still curious … what made people so obsessed with it?
Yeonjun got his first kiss at fourteen. When Soobin was younger, he also questioned people’s obsession with getting their first kiss.
Soobin tried to remember when he got his and remembered that he and Arin accidentally kissed when they were both seven.
They were both running to hug each other but Soobin, being a clumsy little boy, tripped and smashed his face onto his friend. Arin cried afterwards since her tooth got loose and broke her lip. Soobin cried because he thought he got Arin’s cooties. It was funny.
But to answer fourteen year old Yeonjun’s question, Soobin thinks that the reason why their younger selves never got to understand the hype about kissing was because it wasn’t with the right person.
03.xx.2014
So it’s been another long while since I wrote here BUT GET THIS!
After YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS of pinning! Wooyoung and San are finally FINALLY together like for real this time! I think they’ve been dancing around each other since we were all in DIAPERS! Okay, now that’s not the only update I have for my life. Yes, it’s actually more than that… now that Wooyoung and San are together TOGETHER, it made them even more gross
I swear Yeri, Chaeng, Yunho, Woojin and I would love to just- idk?!? Leave them?!? If they’re annoying when they’re pinning they’re even more annoying now that they’re together?!
And what made me say this? Well today we all are planning on visiting Lotte world and these two mother fuckers decided to fight over what to wear like wtf?! Are couples always like this?
And I’m always third wheeling. It's annoying now that I live on the floor above them!! Because every fucking time we ride the elevator they steal kisses from each other AS IF I WASN’T AROUND! So yeah I hate them both to bits and pieces :((
It made me feel so SINGLE and LONELY! I bet San and Wooyoung would be one of those ‘it’ couples once we enter high school :( and here I am single…
Wooyoung and San. Wow. Soobin couldn’t imagine what it was like when they weren't together. Soobin met the whole squad in highschool. Wooyoung and San had been a couple by then.
Though he could imagine how it must’ve been a pain to see them pining over each other considering they can’t even breathe when the other wasn’t around — it’s true Soobin saw how San panicked when he thought Wooyoung was missing in the airport when he just actually went to the bathroom.
Yeonjun’s next entries were about their trip to Lotte World, Yeri and Yeonjun’s pranks, Chaeyoung’s underground rapping and more about Yeonjun and Soobin’s friends. It was great how Yeonjun met a nice group of friends who also welcomed Soobin in their little family.
05.xx.2015
So… I kinda get it now… that feeling where you get lost into someone’s eyes and think that they’re so pretty and it feels fleeting? Yea and I can’t believe I’m saying this…
But I think I’m crushing on Taehyun…
What.
What?!?!?
16 year old Yeonjun had a crush on Kang Taehyun?!?!
yes Kang Taehyun! the kid I’m tutoring who’s apparently even better than me (I think his parents just hired me to do babysitting but Taehyun’s a bit too mature for his age yet still playful enough to be left alone)
Taehyun who’s 3 years younger than me and I'M SO EMBARRASSED TO EVEN WRITE THIS because as a 15 turning 16 year old you don’t or shouldn’t even have crushes on 13 year olds that’s just?!?!?!
Yes I am! it’s embarrassing I’m gonna sleep this off!
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
Soobin didn’t see this coming. Soobin never even thought of Yeonjun crushing on Taehyun. They’re far too different and Taehyun was way younger than Yeonjun!
Taehyun, together with Hueningkai and Beomgyu were their younger friends! They all had their own small group in highschool. Soobin knew Hyuka while Yeonjun knew Beomgyu and Taehyun.
And never once did Yeonjun mention he had a crush on Taehyun! Soobin knew all of Yeonjun’s crushes in highschool! He knew Yeonjun’s crush on Jihoon cause he was cute. He knew Yeonjun’s crush on Yerin noona because she was pretty and she shines. He knew how Yeonjun fawns over Hoseok sunbae when he dances.
But KANG TAEHYUN?!?
This is news. Now he really had to see more of this.
08.xx.2015
It’s another first day in school and there’s only 2 years left before I graduate high school… and class is still boring so I decide to write here instead of listening to Mr. Kim and gush about my crush…
yes I’m still crushing on Taehyun, yes, it’s still embarrassing but? It’s a fact? I won’t deny it and No I’m NOT letting any of my friends know coz they’ll tease me to no end.
Soobin knows he would. He still couldn’t get his head wrapped on it and Soobin would tease him to the ends of earth.
Yeonjun’s first love is actually Kang Taehyun.
The infamous, secret first love that only Choi Yeonjun knows and would never tell. Just thinking of it made Soobin laugh. He tried his best to muffle it all because Yeonjun might hear it.
But that’s not why I’m writing here! so I’m still pretty much hanging out (yes, it’s still tutoring but lately we were just chilling around) with Taehyun and his pretty middle school friend, Beomgyu ( who thankfully isn’t his boyfriend, he said they’re just friends and I believe him)
“Yeah. Just ‘friends’, okay...” Soobin thought to himself as he knew. He knew.
AND THAT'S NOT WHY I'M WRITING HERE but apparently Taehyun is crushing on someone?!?
So we all played truth or truth (coz no we aint doing any dares) yesterday and the question was do you have a crush? (Typical, I know)
And he said yes! I got nervous but as we played the game… I got some sort of hope? That it’s me? OKAY LET ME LIST HIS ANSWERS!
He has a crush, who is older (which I am!)
who is very pretty (I do believe I’m pretty)
He is, Soobin could attest to that.
and has the cutest and most mesmerizing smile (okay, maybe I’m being a bit too biased about myself)
Soobin chuckled at Yeonjun’s cuteness. Because, yeah, 15 - turning 16 in a few months - year old Yeonjun was assuming that he was the one Taehyun liked.
AND DID I EVEN TELL THE FACT THAT TAEHYUN WAS BLUSHING WHEN HE’S TELLING US HIS ANSWERS?!? That just means it’s because his crush was around!
Oh God. Soobin was getting second hand embarrassment for what’s to come.
So what if Taehyun had a crush on me?!? What do I do?!? Should I tell him I like him too?!? But he’s too young!
Maybe I should tell him I’ll wait for him until he becomes a bit older. Yeah. Yeah. I’ll do that. As a cool hyung, I should wait for the love of my life!
Soobin thought he’d be jealous of this but no. He just found the situation funny. And yes, he felt bad for 16 year old Yeonjun because he was having his first puppy love and it’s cute.
There were around seven more pages where Yeonjun gushed about Taehyun.
As his lover, Soobin thought he’d be jealous once he found out who Yeonjun's first love was… but turns out he doesn’t have to be, especially since he knew Taehyun and knew who Taehyun was actually crushing on and yeah, spoiler alert.
It’s not Yeonjun.
Thus, Soobin wasn’t surprised when he saw the next entry filled with smudges and tear streaks.
11.xx.15
It’s the first snow of the year and I’m sad. Yes if it wasn’t obvious from the tears, that I’m sad but yes I’m sad. This is so pathetic. Crying over a thirteen - almost fourteen- year old boy! But I have to write this because it SHALL REMIND MY STUPID DUMB SELF THAT I CHOI YEONJUN WILL NEVER FALL FOR ANOTHER CUTE GUY EVER AGAIN!
Soobin snorted at that. “Yeah, right.” He mumbled to himself - again knowing Yeonjun’s list of crushes - but forgave young Yeonjun since he’s heartbroken.
What happened was, dearest dumb Yeonjun, you ASSUMED Taehyun liked you. But it’s not my fault! He’s been so nice and has been asking me (well me and Beomgyu) out every weekend and he’s been treating me nicely and he always smiles at me!
AND ME BEING A STUPID DUMB FUCK WHO IS JUST IN LOVE?!? Fell for all these tricks!
And when Taehyun confided that he’s nervous to confess to his crush, I stupidly told him to have the guts to confess on the first snow! “coz you never know, the other person may like him back” ?!? Wtf?! Choi Yeonjun you're just digging a huge hole for yourself. So yes I’m very sad and embarrassed and disappointed with myself.
Soobin just wanted to hug him. Hug Yeonjun. Protect him from his past self. That was so heartbreaking. No wonder Yeonjun vowed to never like someone again.
I was so excited when Taehyun called and told me to go to the park with him today and told me that it was snowing. I thought he was finally confessing . Well, he was.
Just not to me.
I called out to him and asked him if he’s finally gonna confess hoping that Taehyun will finally confess to me...
But then... Taehyun said “Thank you for your advice hyung! I’m finally confessing to Beomgyu hyung today but I’m nervous. I need your support”
Turns out the person Taehyun liked was Beomgyu... and he was so nervous because he’s liked him for years but never had the guts to do it since he’s older and his friend… I should’ve known...
It’s not Beomgyu’s fault. He is very pretty and he has a mesmerizing smile. Beomgyu is literally so perfect for Taehyun. It’s my fault for thinking that it’s me. And of course Beomgyu likes him back! Because who wouldn’t? I LITERALLY fell for Kang Taehyun and I’m not even with him everyday. What more for Beomgyu who sees him in school, hangs out every lunch break and is practically with him almost 24/7?
Wow.
I’m so pathetic.
Soobin wanted to tell sixteen year old Yeonjun that he wasn’t. Taehyun was so mean for calling Yeonjun like that, giving him false hopes. But then again, Taehyun never knew and it wasn’t his intention.
Well, Soobin is glad that Taehyun didn’t know or that Taehyun liked Beomgyu. Cause who knows? Maybe he won’t have Yeonjun right now if that event never happened.
09.xx.2016
So my last entry was swearing and telling myself that I should ‘REMIND MY STUPID DUMB SELF THAT I CHOI YEONJUN WILL NEVER FALL FOR ANOTHER CUTE GUY EVER AGAIN!’?
Yes, 16 year old Choi Yeonjun, this is 17 year old Yeonjun and I should say that you are still pathetic!
That promise was short lived! Because guess what?!?
Yes, I’m crushing on someone again and No it isn’t like Taehyun’s (or is it? I don’t know! What I know is I’m attracted to him FOR SURE!)
Soobin knew that promise would be short lived. He wondered who Yeonjun’s new crush was as he turned to the next page — since it looked like Yeonjun’s pen ran out of ink or something, from the random wavy scribbles after the paragraph.
He remembered Yeonjun telling him about Hyunjin around that year, so maybe it’s him. Soobin recalled that it was that year that he transferred from Ansan to Seoul.
You see he’s a new student and he’s younger than me (YES I DONT KNOW WHATS WITH ME AND LIKING YOUNGER CUTE GUYS BUT MY FRIENDS AND PEOPLE MY AGE, LIKE JIHOON AND CHAN, ARE LITTLE SHTS IN REAL LIFE EVEN IF THEY'RE CUTE! ) and he’s literally an ANGEL! A giant angel but still an Angel!
Gosh his name is Choi Soobin—
Soobin accidentally dropped the book. He sat up, picked Yeonjun’s diary with shaky hands and read that entry once again to make sure.
Gosh his name is Choi Soobin and he’s so cute and handsome and tall and fluffy and funny and he has two sets of dimples! YES TWO! And he’s the nicest human being on earth AGAIN A LITERAL ANGEL! He’s so nice and his smile just melts my heart!
Fuck. Soobin wasn’t prepared for that. No, because he too fell for Yeonjun as soon as he saw him and now he finds out that Yeonjun liked him too?!
No. Soobin refused to believe but it is what was written. He had to double check the date before reading the rest of the entry. Damn, Choi Yeonjun’s gonna be the death of him.
Daehwi, Jihoon’s babbling friend, introduced him to us during lunch time and I’m? So whipped? He is literally sooo oh gosh?!?!
I invited him (not only him but the whole squad I would DIE if I only invited him, okay?!) home today and my MOM?!? Eomma loves him so much?!? She even told me she’s falling for him and appa was like, ‘I wouldn’t blame you?!?’ SO MY WHOLE FAMILY IS BASICALLY WHIPPED FOR SOOBIN?!
bye I need to sleep this off and dream of him! I hope he hangs out with us more~
He did. Soobin did hang out with him more. How could he not? Yeonjun was like a magnet that kept attracting him. And Soobin was weak. He was easily charmed by Yeonjun’s personality. They became friends, really close friends that Soobin even tried to shut down his growing feelings for the older…
And he didn’t know back then… that Yeonjun felt it too…
Damn, they’re both dumb.
Yeonjun’s parents were always so nice to Soobin, too. Did they know at that time? That Yeonjun liked him? He wondered if they ever knew back then.
He still felt shocked knowing that Yeonjun liked him that long.
“Fuck, Choi Yeonjun .” Soobin’s heart was beating wildly. A faint sense of heat rushing to his cheeks as he reminisced. “I just love you so damn much.”
10.xx.2017
I asked Soobin out!!!!!!!!!
AND HE SAID YES
HE SAID YES CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!?!
We’re going to the movies tomorrow! Just us!
ME and SOOBIN ALONE
I'M NERVOUS AND EXCITED AND I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD EVEN SLEEP BUT I’LL JUST SCREAM ABOUT THIS TO HYUKA
Smiling fondly at the entry, Soobin also felt like screaming when Yeonjun asked him if he wanted to watch a movie. Yeonjun was eighteen and he was turning seventeen.
He thought it was a group outing until Yeonjun said “No.. um it’s just gonna be the two of us… if that’s okay?”
It was more than okay for Soobin.
It was Choi Yeonjun. The most popular senior. His crush for more than a year. Choi Yeonjun, every hoobae and sunbae’s crush, was asking him, Choi Soobin.
Choi Soobin, who was awkward back then, who only knew about books and video games, who is only competitive when someone challenges him, was asked by Choi Yeonjun, who was bright and confident and funny and talented and reliable and just so so beautiful.
He didn’t even have the guts to ask or even jokingly ask if it was a date back then, thinking that Yeonjun just didn’t have anyone to watch the movie with. He didn’t even know or care about the movie for crying out loud. What was important back then was that Yeonjun asked, and it was the best day of his life.
Wait... so Hyuka knew?! That snitch!
Soobin made a mental note to smack the younger next time he visits.
10.xx.17
Oh God. ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER EMBARRASSING MOMENT
Are you for real Choi Yeonjun?!? Is this even a journal?! ITS MORE OF A CHOI YEONJUN’S EMBARRASSING MOMENTS LISTED THROUGH THE YEARS!
Yes! I made another fucked up decision today. So yeah, I asked Soobin out and we had our date today (I don’t know if it’s a date but I’d like to believe it is!) and we were walking to the cinemas. It was all fine and cool even if i was giddy and screaming inside my head cause I was out with Soobin and it’s just the two of us! It’s a big deal for me okay?!
We just got the tickets and we were waiting for the time. He grabbed the popcorn and then…
He smiled so brightly at me I didn’t know what to do. I just blurted it out!
Gosh Choi Yeonjun why are you so stupid?!?!
Soobin couldn’t help but smile as he remembered that day. How surprised he was when Yeonjun, high school’s most popular senior told him;
I told him, with all my whipped face and stupid infatuated eyes, ‘You’re so beautiful, I think I’m falling for you’ ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I THINK I FREAKED HIM OUT IM SO DUMB AND STUPID AND GAY FOR HIM! HELP ME I’M SO EMBARRASSED FOR MYSELF! PLEASE LET THE GROUND EAT ME WHOLE!
Shoulders shaking in silent laughter, Soobin tried to muffle it all out. It was too entertaining and funny. Looking back, he didn’t think they’d be here now. Together. A couple who just moved in together. Back then, it was all so delightful and bright. It’s really refreshing to look back to those days.
Even if Soobin felt guilty — yes he’s still scared that Yeonjun might pop out of the bathroom anytime soon — reading Yeonjun’s diary. He also had no regrets knowing more about his lover.
In fact, he felt like he was charmed by Choi Yeonjun once again.
02.14.2018
Soobin and I kissed today… YES THATS THE ENTRY I CANT STOP SMILING!
I can’t believe he kissed me first?!? I feel like goo when I’m around him and I feel to shy when I stare at him for too long but today’s valentines day and I know we’re not girls but I decided to give him some chocolate and apparently HE DID TOO
Sorry I screamed for a while there coz I’m still blushing so hard! So yeah he walked me home today and he pulled me close while we were in front of our apartment to kiss me goodbye! I’m?!?!?!
Help! Wooyoung and San were literal shits who saw it and have been teasing me on our way up BUT I DON’T CARE!
Remember when I said I don’t get the hype about kissing?!? I definitely DEFINITELY GET IT NOW! And would DEFINITELY WANT TO KISS CHOI SOOBIN AGAIN!
CHOI SOOBIN KISSED ME! He KISSED ME OKAY?!? YES! I”M WRITING THIS TO REMIND MY TOMORROW SELF THAT IT’S REAL AND NOT A DREAM! YUP THIS BETTER APPEAR TOMORROW! I DID NOT DREAM ABOUT THIS!
If Soobin wasn’t blushing in the previous entries, he definitely is blushing right now.
That day was just too fleeting. They were going out for more than a few weeks then and they never actually confirmed nor denied that they were dating.
Valentine's Day was a day Soobin dreaded. He knew that girls would flock Yeonjun and that his desk and bag and lockers would be filled to the brim. But Soobin never got the chance to give Yeonjun chocolates on white day and thought why not give him on Valentines day?
He also offered to walk Yeonjun home because he remembered how Yeonjun hated walking home with Wooyoung and San on valentines since they’re extra sappy. So he volunteered and Yeonjun’s delighted face was enough for Soobin to not regret his decision—Soobin lived at the opposite end of Yeonjun’s block.
Then Yeonjun was just too jumpy and smiley and pouty whenever they talked. His nose was red too, because of the cold. Yeonjun looked so adorable bundled up on a cold February evening that he asked for a sign. That once Yeonjun asks Wooyoung and San to head in first, he’s gonna kiss Yeonjun.
And he did.
06.xx.2019
I know this is pretty petty of me to say… but I don’t want to tell my friends or anyone cause that’s just embarrassing but I hate Arin.
Oh.
Soobin never had a clue...
Yes, I’m saying that here because I’m probably the only one who would read this but I hate her. And no, not because she’s bad or that she has an attitude but she’s simply Soobin’s childhood friend and I’m jealous of that.
yeah, I’m jealous…
Soobin hesitated to read the next few statements but he decided that he should at least know what made Yeonjun hate Arin three years ago seeing that they’re both fine and on friendly terms right now. Maybe it was something that Arin did?
Arin has been talking about Soobin all day since she transferred here to Seoul from Ansan. We’re in the same college and Soobin told me we should tour her around and it’s just? I don’t know… they’re just friends, I could see that. I could see their friendship as something like mine and Yeri’s but… yeah
Soobin’s been spending loads of time with her and she’s been calling Soobin in between our dates and it’s just frustrating that I couldn’t say no. I couldn’t say no because I know Soobin just wanted to help her get settled and it’s still new for her and all that…
But? I don’t know… I just miss Soobin so much… I feel so alone now that I’m in college and I know he’s joining me here in uni soon but? I don’t know why I feel so sad, now? Soobin just canceled on me today because Arin needed to get to Ikea to get some furniture. I understand. I know. It’s okay but I’m sad..
A teardrop. There was a fucking teardrop that followed that sentence. God, Soobin made Yeonjun cry that time.
He didn’t know.
“Fuck,” Soobin murmured to himself as he read 20 year old Yeonjun’s entry. It was understandable how Yeonjun felt sad… now that he thought about it. He did… he was always at Arin’s beck and call those times… and to think it was just three years ago…
He’ll hug Yeonjun after his bath. Thankfully, Arin and Yeonjun were on the same class that year in college and they became closer than Soobin and Arin would ever be… and for that Soobin’s glad that his precious childhood friend and the most precious human being in Soobin’s life got along.
Soobin knew he should stop reading. He definitely invaded Yeonjun’s privacy. But there were only a few pages left that were filled in and he’s here now, there’s no turning back. Soobin took a deep breath, guilt eating him alive as he read on the next entry.
08.xx.2020
‘I love you’ it’s such a simple phrase but it brought so much joy...
Soobin said he loves me today
And I love him too… so much...
Warmth spread throughout Soobin’s chest. Those three words had meant so much for him. Just like how Yeonjun said, it brought so much joy that it just came out of nowhere. Soobin just blurted it out because it’s what he felt and what he still feels for Yeonjun.
Soobin swore he couldn't love Yeonjun more than he does right now, and yet he knew that he would tomorrow.
The next few pages were filled with their dates, some sappy ones, some heartwarming ones, some funny ones, some polaroid pictures stuck in between — Soobin made sure that they won’t fall — as well as some of their petty arguments. From small funny ones , like that one day they argued about who farted, to petty ones , where Soobin told Yeonjun he got him mint choco frap only to give him a plain choco one and the big ones, like Yeonjun’s next entry...
11.xx. 2021
I’M SO MAD. And what better way to release my pent up anger?! Yes, I’m mad at Soobin. I don’t know what has gotten to him but he’s been so sarcastic lately. Earlier today, I asked him if he wanted to go out since I’m done with my paper that was due today and you know what he replied to me?!
“I thought you’re busy? Call me when you’re not busy” Soobin whispered, remembering what he said to Yeonjun that day. He smiled as he remembered that specific argument where he and Yeonjun hadn’t spoken in almost a week. It was bitter sweet.
“I thought you’re busy? Call me when you’re not fucking busy” ?!?!?!
What the FUCK CHOI SOOBIN! I called you cause I’m not busy?!?
I don’t know but he’s been like this for the past month and I don’t know why.
“You were busy,” Choi Soobin replied to the 22 year old graduating student, Yeonjun.
I know I’ve been busy but I’m graduating for fucks sake can he not understand that?!
Am I too selfish? To think that he should understand what I’m going through?
‘No, No you’re not ’ Soobin thought. Back then when Yeonjun's in his final year in college, Soobin missed Yeonjun so damn much. He hated that all of their planned dates were always rescheduled or canceled.
I would love to put everything down for him because I love him so much but I couldn’t risk not graduating. I hate this. I just want to cuddle my boyfriend, is that so bad?
How do I fix this?
They did fix it. After a week of cold shoulders, Soobin was about to leave for Yeonjun’s dorm and apologize only to see Yeonjun by his dorm’s entrance. They cried that night and cuddled and apologized to each other. Then when they finally felt relieved, confirming that they still loved each other. They finally talked. Then they compromised.
Because Soobin realized that to love Yeonjun means to have the worst arguments with him and realize that he’d rather have that argument than not to have Choi Yeonjun in his life.
07.xx.2022
From a diary, to a journal, to a Soobin rant page.
Wow, so today… I’m moving in with Soobin.
He asked me to move in with him and I’m so ecstatic. I was so shocked when he offered out of the blue. I said yes of course, I love him so much and I actually want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I was scared and I’m still scared.
What if we fall apart because of this? A lot of people who decided to live together usually tend to not work out because it’s different, they said.
What if Soobin never liked any of my habits? What if it never worked out? What if he gets tired of me? What if he gets tired of seeing my face?
What if he discovered this?!?
Should I burn this? (No I’m kidding, I couldn't, this is too precious) But what if Soobin accidentally stumbled to this and read it?!
Will he hate me? Will he think it’s childish of me to write in a journal?!
I don’t know… I’m so worked up but I’m so excited to move in with him. Because he’s Choi Soobin, the love of my life. I would want to see him wake up everyday and hear him say goodnight. I want to welcome him home and I want him to hug me as soon as I arrive.
I love Soobin so much, I’m scared that I won’t be enough…
I just hope that we would have happy days ahead and I’ll just be scared of the future...
in the future xD
When Yeonjun got out of the bathroom, he was reminded that he needed to update his journal for his first move-in day.
But then, he remembered that his journal was placed in one of the last boxes that Soobin unpacked.
He felt dread creeping up to him as he shouted for his boyfriend, “Soobin?!”
“Yeah, bub!?” Soobin replied from the kitchen, earlier while he was dressing up and getting ready, Soobin told him that he was going to prepare their dinner.
Yeonjun was hoping. Hoping that Soobin didn’t open or read his journal. He was gone for hours?!
“Did you see some sort of book in my boxes?” He asked, still shouting because if Soobin did read his journal, he wouldn’t have the courage to face him.
“It’s by your bedside table, Yeon.”
Yeonjun scrambled for the table and saw his journal by one of the drawers, and his mind started running circuits;
Did Soobin see this?!
Oh God, Did he read it?!
Was it why he was laughing earlier?! Because he saw my stupidly embarrassing and unfortunate rants?!?
Is he gonna finally think that Yeonjun’s all crazy and decide that he’s being stupid enough to live with him?!
Are they gonna break up?!
Yeonjun quickly scanned his journal to see if it had any signs of Soobin opening it - as if he would know - but what surprised him was a long new entry on his journal. Just beside his latest entry earlier before he left his old apartment. It was very apparent as if Soobin made sure he sees it and Yeonjun, with his trembling hands, started reading it..
07.xx.2022
To my dearest Yeonjun,
Hi hyung~ as soon as you see this please don’t hate me or kill me!!!
REMEMBER THAT WE LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH WE’RE WILLING TO LISTEN! Well, in this case read…
It wasn’t my intention to read your diary (don’t say journal it’s the same thing!) I thought it was a book and I wondered what book you were reading (since you don’t really read books you prefer movies. Don’t lie!) so I started looking through this and saw ‘Junnie’s Book’ on the front page and 5 year old Yeonjun’s cute entry.
I thought it was a workbook at first after seeing your first entry as a five year old. Then the next 20 pages were filled with ‘Choi Yeonjun’ and ‘Daniel Choi’ as well as a bunch of ‘a quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog’ in uppercase and lowercase.
I thought it’s cute to see your 5 years of childhood :) But then turns out you made it a lifetime bibliography! It really is Junnie’s Book <3 Just one more entry turned into reading the whole thing! Please don’t get mad, baby. You were cute~ You still are!
It’s meant that I find this soon xD
I’m actually glad that I found this, not to make fun of you or anything and not to invade your privacy or whatever. That wasn’t my intention and I’m sorry if you ever felt that. I swear we could talk this over if you wanted to… and I could forget everything I’ve ever read and pretend it never existed if you felt violated.
But reading this just made me realize how lucky I am to have you in my life. It was a huge, ‘Fuck, I just love him so much’
So, yeah… Choi Yeonjun, Yeonie, Junnie, love, babe, kitten, my baby, I love you so much. It’s okay to be scared of life, our relationship and the future… I’m scared too... you don’t have to doubt yourself, you’re the most amazing human being I’ve ever met and despite your flaws and everything you think were embarrassing and shameful, it’s what makes you, YOU. So shut those insecurities and doubts down, okay? I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more.
I want you, need you and I love you, every bit of you, the whole you. So now, I want you to trust me, trust yourself, and trust us because I’d rather have us fight over the pettiest things in the world (such as you farting and telling me, that it was me and not you… babe pls know I’m not that dumb...) than not have you at all~
I may not be your first date, kiss or love…but I want to be your last everything.
Remember that.
I love you so so much, Choi Yeonjun.
Your one and only,
Choi Soobin
Yeonjun would’ve been crying right now and run to his perfect boyfriend, kiss the heck out of him, steal his breath and all that. Yeonjun was all teary eyed when he noticed that Soobin’s entry wasn’t over;
P.S. I see that your first love turned out to be Taehyunie xD can’t wait to tell him and Beomgyu!!
“CHOI FUCKING SOOBIN!?! GET THE FUCK IN HERE CAUSE WE’RE GONNA HAVE A VERY LONG TALK!”