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It had been 1012 days since Sunwoo and Haknyeon appeared in a Vlive together but who was counting? Haknyeon was. Every single day of him being awkward with Sunwoo was agony to him because Sunwoo was his safe place, his best friend, but things change. People change. Promises were always broken, but Haknyeon could not move on from their past.
SunHak cross?
Sure, if they meant SunHak would never come to be again.
Sure, if they meant crossing each other’s fates but never meeting again.
SunHak cross. It seemed like a looming curse above the two of them because they knew they would not cross again.
If anyone asked Haknyeon how it happened, he would not know how to answer. Even he was asking himself that.
“What happened between the two of us?”
Sometimes, he wanted to blame Sunwoo. Sometimes, he knew he should blame himself. Was it because they were really different in the end? Was it because it was meant to be for them to drift apart as they did? Did they really drift apart?
The rift between them felt like a sudden cut like a knife sliced their friendship or a scissor cut their threads of fate. It was one swift move that ended the two of them.
When they debuted in 2017, the fans adored their friendship. Everyone was addicted to SunHak together. They took care of each other well and were really clingy but suddenly, things were different. At one point, it felt wrong for Sunwoo and Haknyeon to stay together, especially since Sunwoo told Haknyeon about his feelings.
“I thought you said we can stay as friends.”
Haknyeon always told himself when he first noticed Sunwoo avoiding him. Later on, Haknyeon accepted his fate and avoided Sunwoo as well. It was all reactionary. Whatever Sunwoo did, Haknyeon would do. If Sunwoo did not want to talk to Haknyeon, did not want to look at him, Haknyeon did the same. It was Haknyeon’s way of respecting what Sunwoo wanted.
But what did he want?
Sunwoo never cleared that out.
“Haknyeon-hyung,” Sunwoo almost muttered but it was clear enough for Haknyeon to understand as his name.
“What?” The older member said as he turned his head,” Do you want something, Sunwoo?”
“Hyung, I…” Sunwoo bit his lower lip,” Please don’t judge me.”
“Hm?”
“Please don’t hate me, hyung.”
Haknyeon was surprised to find Sunwoo tearing up.
“What? Why?” Haknyeon said as he shook Sunwoo’s shoulders,” Did something happen, Sunwoo?”
“I’m…” Sunwoo looked into Haknyeon’s eyes,” I’m… I’m sorry…”
“What do you mean, Sunwoo?”
“I love you, hyung.”
Haknyeon was straight. He knew he was and had no choice but to reject Sunwoo when that happened. Sunwoo said it was okay. He said that they could go back to how they were. He promised no one else would know about what happened, about the confession, about everything they talked about.
And no one did know, except the two of them.
But why did Sunwoo have to avoid him to that extent? He thought things would back to how they were, to how they should be. They were best of friends. Why couldn’t they stay like that?
Haknyeon wanted to tell someone. He was desperate to do so but it was a promise between men. It meant what happened would stay between Sunwoo and Haknyeon, even if it took years. He wanted to explode, to tell Sunwoo that he was tired of what was happening between them, that he wanted Sunwoo back.
But things weren’t that simple.
If they were, Haknyeon would have confronted Sunwoo about it.
“I know this is a silly question,” Hyunjae, Haknyeon’s roommate, said as he turned his head to the younger member’s bed,” but I always wondered about you and Sunwoo.”
“What’s there to wonder?” Haknyeon asked as he looked back at Hyunjae.
“A lot,” Hyunjae hummed,” A lot more than you two catch on.”
“We just discovered we weren’t compatible,” Haknyeon explained,” It isn’t anything dramatic, hyung.”
“I doubt,” Hyunjae raised an eyebrow,” You two are warm to all members… except to each other. Isn’t that odd?”
“We’re not cold to each other,” Haknyeon sighed,” I mean, we talk off-cam.”
“Off-cam,” Hyunjae repeated,” Why not on-cam then? Is there something wrong with talking to a member of your own group on-cam?”
“That’s just how we work,” Haknyeon looked away,” I suppose it is weird but that’s how SunHak cross works now.”
“It’s sad, to be honest,” Hyunjae sighed,” I mean, the fans love you two together. Your dynamic with Sunwoo changed a lot through the years.”
“Is that the biggest change with me?” Haknyeon asked.
“Hm,” Hyunjae shrugged,” I just hope… whatever’s stopping you and Sunwoo from going back to how you were before… I hope it gets resolved. I’m sure the other members think that too.”
‘I hope too,’ Haknyeon thought to himself, knowing Sunwoo will never agree to it. Both of them knew they will continue this goose chase with each other, a push and pull that never gets resolved.
On the other side, there was Sunwoo. The one who was rejected. The one who was afraid to fall in love again. Coming out of the closet through that confession took a lot of guts from him and he was glad that Haknyeon was the first one to know about this, but hearing the rejection was too much for Sunwoo. It was a big emotional blow for him.
It was his first heartbreak, and he could not look at Haknyeon the same again.
He knew it was wrong for him to avoid Haknyeon without any explanation. He knew it was wrong for him to promise that things could go back to how it was before the confession, but it hurt him so much seeing Haknyeon and labeling him as this man who broke his heart. Sunwoo knew if he continued talking to Haknyeon, he would fall in love more and more.
It only spelled trouble; he knew that.
It was already bad that he was gay, not as if there was anything wrong with being gay, but it did as an idol. The Boyz was a rising group. The other members did not need to know this side of Sunwoo or it would only make them worried. He was not scared of coming out to them. He knew they will accept him as Haknyeon did, but he was afraid of the consequences of them hiding it.
Sunwoo was an overthinker in his way and he hated it. That was why he avoided Haknyeon. That was why he could never give Haknyeon an explanation as to why he was trying his best to put distance between them.
Were Sunwoo’s feelings a burden to Haknyeon?
Was Haknyeon disgusted with Sunwoo’s homosexuality?
Sunwoo had a lot of questions running through his mind. If someone asked him if his feelings for Haknyeon were the same, he would not even know how to answer. The rejection was how many months ago, but the feelings of guilt still weighed in his mind. Sunwoo knew he should not be guilty of his feelings but he was. He was because it was Haknyeon, his best friend.
Okay, ex-bestfriend at that point.
The two of them drifted away after all. Sunwoo found other members as his solace. He replaced Haknyeon in his life to forget about his feelings. He drowned himself in the company of Changmin, Jacob, Chanhee, and Eric, but why did it still feel wrong to talk to Haknyeon?
If Sunwoo moved on…
If he truly did move on, Sunwoo would not have this looming guilt over him. He would approach Haknyeon sooner, tell Haknyeon that he was alright with him, that he wanted them to go back to how it was before the confession.
But things weren’t that simple.
Sunwoo wished they were but human emotions were complex. Sunwoo was human. He didn’t understand how he felt about Haknyeon. He just knew he wanted time to rewind, to have Haknyeon by his side again as his best friend.
‘That is why I shouldn’t have confessed to my best friend,’ Sunwoo always thought whenever he saw Haknyeon,’ If I didn’t, he would’ve been with me more. We could’ve talked more. Things wouldn’t change.’
Sunwoo knew the only person to blame was himself. He wondered what Haknyeon thought about it. Did Haknyeon hate him? Did Haknyeon feel the same as Sunwoo?
When would SunHak Cross revive itself?
“I don’t get it,” Changmin said as he sat upon his bed.
“You don’t usually get things, hyung,” Sunwoo whistled,” You’re not the smartest person in the room.”
“And you are?” Changmin scoffed,” No, I mean, you and Hak.”
“Me and hyung?” Sunwoo raised an eyebrow.
“You two were like Chanhee and me, like Kevin and Jacob-hyung,” Changmin sounded genuinely concerned,” I don’t understand how you two could act like you don’t have any history with each other?”
“We don’t though?” Sunwoo said,” Hyung and I are on okay terms. It’s just I hang out with you and the others more and Haknyeon-hyung hangs out with Hyunjae-hyung more. Nothing complex.”
“No, that isn’t it,” Changmin shook his head,” Chanhee and Younghoon-hyung still hang out despite Chanhee hanging out more with us. They still interact a lot. Jacob-hyung with Sangyeon-hyung too. You and Haknyeon have this… kind of tension?”
“You’re reading into it a little too much,” Sunwoo pouted,” Nothing is happening between me and Haknyeon-hyung.”
“I know you’re lying! I can feel it,” Changmin sounded annoyed by it but he sighed instead,” You two aren’t spilling enough details.”
“There aren’t details.”
“There are,” Changmin shot a look,” You’re keeping it a secret. I don’t understand why but okay. It’s your private business. I’m just saying, as your hyung, nothing will come with avoiding each other.”
‘I know,’ Sunwoo thought but he knew, as childish he was, it was the only solution he could think of. He was still too cowardly to face Haknyeon at that point.
“I’m tired of this.”
Changmin was surprised to find Hyunjae pulling him to the corner of their dance studio to tell him this.
“Tired of what?” he asked the older member,” Of practice?”
“No, Q, listen,” Hyunjae said as he lowered his voice,” Haknyeon and Sunwoo.”
“Oh god, you too?” Changmin gasped,” I thought I’m the only one who noticed that.”
“Our fans noticed it too,” Hyunjae said,” There’s this icy… I don’t know. It feels like we can film Frozen with how cold those two are.”
“And? Why did you have to pull me aside to tell me that,” Changmin asked,” I know you have a plan.”
“I do actually,” Hyunjae smirked,” Aren’t you close with Sunwoo?”
“Duh.”
“And I’m roommates with Haknyeon?”
“Yeah, so what?”
Hyunjae had this grin on his face that Changmin could not understand.
“When we line up, I’m next to Sunwoo right and you to Haknyeon?”
“So?”
“We can slowly build their courage up to talk to each other!”
“Aren’t you curious about what happened?” Changmin raised an eyebrow.
“We don’t need to know what happened,” Hyunjae patted Changmin’s back,” We just need those two to reconnect. I don’t care about what happened at this point. It hurts to watch them from afar.”
“How can we remedy something that we don’t know the root cause of?” Changmin narrowed his eyes,” I don’t know, hyung. I’m not sure if it’s okay for us to meddle with them.”
“I just want them to talk,” Hyunjae sighed,” Honestly this time. They’ve been showing fake smiles, fake laughter. I can’t bear seeing them like this.”
“Alright,” Changmin looked down,” How about we trick them into talking to each other?”
“How?” Hyunjae asked,” We can’t lock them in one room.”
“Well,” Changmin snickered,” Actually…”
Hyunjae knew what that look meant. Changmin made a fool-proof plan to make SunHak cross each other’s path again.
Changmin’s plan was, honestly, simple. He wanted to trap those two in one room. That was the only way they could be forced to talk to each other. The question was which room. Another question was when. They were so busy with everything, from commercials to shooting to practicing for Kingdom.
“So,” Hyunjae clicked his tongue,” That’s your plan?”
“Yeah,” Changmin nodded,” Anything better to suggest? Those two seem like they won’t talk unless you force them to do that.”
“You have a point there, Ji Changmin,” Hyunjae nodded,” Okay, let’s say we can… huh.”
“Wait, don’t they share a studio with Kevin?”
“Yeah,” Hyunjae hummed,” But Haknyeon doesn’t go to the studio often. It’s more of Sunwoo and Kevin who use that. How do we tell Haknyeon to go there?”
“Let’s say…” Changmin paused,” How about we—”
“What are you two talking about?”
Jacob asked as he closed the door behind him. He brought his guitar and looked like he wanted to try writing more songs.
“Can we tell him?” Changmin asked in a low tone, almost whispering it.
“Cobie, we want Sunwoo and Haknyeon to talk again,” Hyunjae said, smirking at Changmin. What Hyunjae thought was Jacob could be the way for the two of them to go to the studio by themselves. Aside from Changmin, Jacob was also one of the members close to Sunwoo. Aside from that, Jacob had authority within The Boyz because he was the vice-president per se.
“Oh, so,” Jacob paused to think. Changmin and Hyunjae updated him about the situation,” I think I can help with that. Of course, I want the members to get along. Sangyeon-hyung is also worried about those two.”
“See? Everyone is!” Hyunjae clasped his hands,” We want to trap them in their studio. Since you’re Kevin’s best friend and close to both Sunwoo and Haknyeon—”
“We are hoping you could help us with that,” Changmin finished Hyunjae’s thought.
“Sure! I can talk to Kevin,” Jacob nodded,” Tell him to tell both of them that he wants to write a song all together… like a collab for studio mates.”
“I knew we could count on you!” Hyunjae grinned,” Now, we just wait.”
Before Sunwoo and Haknyeon realized it, all of their hyungs were working together for them to reconcile. They were too busy with their own feelings to notice everything. Eric was also clueless for some reason. He was not exactly the best person to read the room when it came with things like that and the older members chose not to tell Eric because he might tell Sunwoo about their plans.
It was D-day. The day Kevin told both Sunwoo and Haknyeon that he wanted to work with them together for a song. In order not to be suspicious, Sunwoo and Haknyeon both agreed to this.
“You’re early,” Sunwoo said as he opened the door to the studio.
“I could say the same to you,” Haknyeon replied with an awkward smile,” Where’s Kevin-hyung?”
“He said he was just going to get his iPad from the dorm and then he’ll rush here,” Sunwoo said.
Silence.
Sunwoo did not know where he was going to sit down. He was not sure if he should sit beside Haknyeon or what. On the other hand, Haknyeon kept avoiding Sunwoo’s eyes. If Kevin was there, both would put all their attention on the oldest member, but since the oldest member was not there, they did not know how to deal with the other’s presence.
Both wanted to talk to the other.
So bad.
But both also felt that the other did not want to talk to them.
Sunwoo finally found himself gravitating to the opposite side of the couch.
“So uh—”
“What?”
Before the conversation could continue, SunHak heard someone drag some kind of furniture outside. It was too late when they realized the furniture stopped by their door. Sunwoo peeked out of the small window on the door and glared at Changmin’s figure.
“Hyung! This is not a good joke,” Sunwoo shouted,” Let us out!”
“We won’t!” Changmin countered,” Not until you two talk.”
“We are talking!”
“You know what we mean, Sunwoo.”
Sunwoo was surprised to see Kevin on the other side of the door. Most of the older members were there with Changmin. Juyeon had his body against the table so Sunwoo couldn’t open the door. Hyunjae was beside him. Changmin was bringing in chairs to make the barricade heavier. Jacob and Kevin were doing the same thing. The only ones missing were Younghoon and Sangyeon.
“Are you doing this behind Sangyeon-hyung’s back? I can call him and tell him you’re doing this!” Sunwoo argued.
“He knows,” Changmin said,” We’re tired of watching you two, Sunwoo. Grow up and talk.”
“Hyung, Haknyeon-hyung and I—”
“Sunwoo, that’s enough,” Haknyeon sighed,” They’re right.”
“Hyung?” Sunwoo turned to Haknyeon,” We’re okay, right?”
“We’ve been fooling ourselves,” Haknyeon approached the door,” We’re going to talk. Can you leave us alone for now?”
“You heard him,” Hyunjae stood up from the table,” Let’s leave them alone. I’m hoping you aren’t lying to us, Haknyeon.”
“I’m not, hyung.”
Sunwoo stared at Haknyeon before looking out of the small window, seeing the older members leave the barricade.
“I can’t believe the hyungs would do this,” Sunwoo laughed awkwardly,” We can now get out of here.”
“Sunwoo, let’s talk,” Haknyeon turned to the rapper,” I know we can’t ignore this. After what happened, things haven’t been the same.”
“Hyung, what are you—”
“Stop lying, Sunwoo,” Haknyeon sighed before going back to the office chair he was sitting on before,” I won’t force you but I do want to talk to you. I’ve been wanting this since… It’s been a long time.”
“Hyung…” Sunwoo sat on the couch,” I’m sorry…”
“Sorry for what?”
“For being a coward.”
“Sunwoo, I can never view you as a coward you know…” Haknyeon held his shoulder,” You’re actually so tough. I mean, I feel honored that you came out to me.”
“Hyung, I feel like my feelings are a burden to you…” Sunwoo looked down,” I mean, I would understand it if you avoid me. I loved you after all.”
“Sunwoo, you know I value you as my friend. You know I love you as my friend,” Haknyeon showed a gentle smile,” I always wanted to talk to you about this. I wanted things to be back to normal but you suddenly ignored me, I mean, I knew why. That’s why I didn’t force you to talk to me… because you might not be ready.”
“I was a coward, hyung. I still am,” Sunwoo started tearing up,” I thought you’d be awkward with someone like me—”
“Someone like you? Sunwoo,” Haknyeon sternly said,” There’s nothing wrong with who you are. Or who you love. It’s just… I’m sorry that I don’t feel the same.”
“Hyung, it’s okay,” Sunwoo shook his head,” I mean, I told you because I knew I didn’t have a chance but I didn’t want there to be a barrier between us.”
“Sunwoo…”
“But then I built that wall between us,” Sunwoo rubbed his eyes,” I regretted it since I did it but I wasn’t sure how to approach you after that… And things just came to be.”
“So what do you want to do now?” Haknyeon asked,” I’m sure you need time to process this… I mean, we finally talked.”
“I’m okay,” Sunwoo shook his head, holding Haknyeon’s hands,” I’m just glad… that my best friend’s back…”
“Me too, Sunwoo,” Haknyeon smiled,” Me too.”
Finally, time smiled at the two of them and somehow, they agreed to meet at one point. They weren't lovers but what's sweeter than love between friends? At least SunHak chose to face each other, as if time stopped and let one hand of the clock chase the other.
Even though Sunwoo knew he was lying about moving on from Haknyeon, he was just glad to have him back in his life again.