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She’s a hypocrite if she’s ever seen one, she thinks darkly, when the tears run out and all she has is the fact that she’s alone, hiding in her apartment because she can’t face work or the person who won’t be there, won’t be anywhere ever again.
She’s a hypocrite because once upon a time she had been the one dragging him to work wondering how he could ever slack off, waste time… run away and hide.
She understands now. If she’s honest, though, she hates herself for it. It blends in with the grief and makes it worse, and she hates that too.
She wants to… to do something, but what is there to do? Tomari Shinnosuke is dead. And he’s…
She’s a hypocrite, but even more than that, she’s something she hates herself even more for: she’s weak.
Maybe that isn’t fair, she thinks. Her “buddy”, her partner had died, she can be allowed this…
And yet, at the same time, she hates it.
She’s a hypocrite.
It’s not like she wants this, she thinks to herself. She would love to go back to work, to do something, to plan, but Drive had lost, and Shinnosuke is dead, so what good would it do? Another nihilistic thought, she supposes, and now she’s crying again.
She’d go if she knew there was something worth going towards.
She thinks so, anyways.
(She wishes she could have been Drive, not because she thinks she’d be better than Shinnosuke, not because she wants to fight, not fully.
Maybe it would have been her dying, if she had been Drive. Or maybe she wouldn’t have gone in as full of emotions and lived, or maybe she would have died earlier.
But Shinnosuke wouldn’t have.)
Shinnosuke’s alive. Kind of, possibly. Gou says he has the key to saving him, bringing back everything she thought she had just lost.
(She can’t blame him for his dangerous plan or faked betrayal when he herself is like this.)
Shinnosuke is a good person, a real hero, a Rider and a cop and… someone she cares deeply for.
She was right, it does get her back in gear. (Obviously, she’s spent too much time around him.
But now, at least, she can spend more, and she’s glad of it.)
She’s still a hypocrite, she thinks, for giving up like that. And part of her can’t shake that feeling, but then Shinnosuke steps out of the car, and he’s smiling, and she can’t help smiling back.
But the thoughts don’t leave her head.
“Kiriko?”
Kiriko starts at the sound, turning quickly to finds the speaker.
“Oh, Tomari-San,” she says. “What are you doing here?”
“I was looking for you, actually,” he says. “I wanted to ask if you were alright, after everything that happened.”
Kiriko… blinks.
“You’re asking me… if I’m alright,” she says slowly, a question of a statement. As though he hadn’t been the one who died, the one who founds out hidden truths of his own father’s death, and left with those ominous words to boot?
“Yes,” Shinnosuke says. “I hear you didn’t come in, after…”
He trails off. How do you say “after I died”?
She spares him the effort.
“I assure you, I’m perfectly fine now,” she says. “So stop worrying.”
“Oh… Okay,” Shinnosuke says. “I’m glad.”
An awkward silence descends, then.
“Are… you okay, Tomari-San,” Kiriko asks, and Shinnosuke looks away.
“I’m fine,” he says. “I guess I just can’t get 001’s last words out of my head.”
“Like we said, it was probably to mess with you,” Kiriko points out, and Shinnosuke sighs.
“I know,” he says, turning back to her with a forced smile. “I’ll be okay.”
“Stay safe,” Kiriko says, and his smile softens.
“I’ll try.”
She’s a hypocrite now, she supposes. Though to be fair to them both, it’s been a while since he did this .
Well, she supposes she can be a bit nicer this time. After all, she understands.