Archive of Our Own ^beta

Much to your growing disappointment, a roll of his eyes were all you got. “You’re overreacting.” He scoffed. “You know that I have a busy schedule at the hospital. I’m tired when I get home. And sometimes it’s more convenient to sleep at the hospital.” 

Cause like 

“We haven’t seen each other in a month!” You screamed, tears flowing down your cheeks readily now. “I know I’m low maintenance, Kenji, but I still need a little love now and then too!” When was the last time the two of you slept in the same bed? 

That was the bottom line, his patience breaking like a twig as he turned to you with furious, cold eyes that slammed into you with the force of a deadly-sharp iceberg. “Then leave!” He snapped. “Find someone better! I dare you!” 

When you said you needed space 

“I think we should spend some time apart.” Kenjirou told you, his voice cold and void of emotion. “I just need a break.” 

Then you come around again and say 

It was 2am, your hair tousled and doing its’ best impression of a bird’s nest. “Kenjirou?” You squinted at the man who had rang your doorbell five times in succession in the middle of the night. “What are you...” 

“Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change, trust me.” His words were slurred and slanted in italics as he tried his best not to stumble over the raised step of your apartment entrance. 

Sighing and rubbing your exhausted eyes, you opened the door to let him in, the both of you the perfect pair of sleepy and drunk as you tried your best to navigate a straight route to the couch. “How much did you drink.” You mumbled, glancing at the satisfied, sleepy smile stretched across his features- He had passed out the moment he hit the couch. 

Remember how that lasted for a day 

“I hate you!” You screamed. 

He scoffed. “Whatever.” 

We break up 

You call me 

“I love you.” Kenjirou mumbled through the phone, his voice sleepy and definitely drunk. You sighed, hanging up on him as you wearily glanced at the time on your bedside clock. An image of Kenjirou, burning his throat with liquor despite knowing the bad effects it had on his body seared through your mind. 

He always drank when he had a bad day at the hospital, you thought to yourself. It was always when he believed that he had messed up and wanted to drown out the judgemental voices that rang inside his head. 

Ooh, we called it off again last night 

Huffing, you made up your mind, clambering out of bed to jerk on some garments that were more suited to the cold near-winter atmosphere outside. 

“That’s enough.” You plucked the bottle out of his hands, the spare keys to Kenjirou’s apartment jingling in your other hand. You counted five empty bottles on the coffee table, plus two more next to him and one that you were holding. “God, you’re going to have a terrible hangover tomorrow.” 

He mumbled something incomprehensible, slumping over with tired eyes. “I don’t deserve to be a doctor.” 

“... And why do you think that?” Sighing, you placed the bottle on the coffee table, crossing your legs into a pretzel-shape as you plopped onto the carpet, watching your drunk ex’s insecurities take over him. 

“I’m incompetent.” He mumbled. “I messed up with a patient today.” 

“How bad was it?” 

“... Bad enough.” 

“... Surely it can’t be bad enough for you to drink your common sense away? You know how bad alcohol is for you, Shirabu, for the love of god please take care of yourself!” 

Before you could finish your lecture, he had already knocked out due to sheer tiredness, a sigh dripping from your lips. Draping the blanket over him, you walked into his kitchen, clicking in disapproval at the state of his near-empty fridge. 

But ooh, this time, I’m telling you, I’m telling you

Despite the lack of ingredients he had in his kitchen, you managed to cook up a chicken soup for his incoming hangover, leaving a note telling him to pre-heat it before he drank it. 

“Y/N.” 

His fingers were latched around your wrist as he looked up at you sleepily, the bottles that you had came to throw away forgotten. 

“Stay.” 

His sleepy, copper-brown eyes stared up right into yours, a mixture of sadness and loneliness. The cycle was starting again, you thought. If you stayed, by the time morning came, the two of you would go back to yelling at each other, screaming hurtful words that tore at each other until you left the fight unresolved and boiling in your hearts.  

“No.” 

We are never ever, ever getting back together

You yanked your hand away, picking up the remainder of the bottles on the couch, where Kenjirou was splayed out with an unsatisfied expression. “Fine.” He grumbled, oddly child-like in his drunk state. 

We are never ever, ever getting back together 

The lights in Shirabu’s apartment flicked off, bathing the walls in darkness as the resounding click of the door echoed mournfully. You drew your phone out of your pocket, tapping on a number you had texted too many times during nights like these. 

You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me 

Kawanishi switched off his phone with a tired sigh. Darn that stubborn ass man, he cursed under his breath. He would rather drown himself in alcohol than admit he missed Y/N. 

But we, are never ever, ever, ever, getting back together

Glancing at your car mirror, where Shirabu’s apartment was gradually becoming smaller and smaller, you decided with a firm nod that if you were going to move on from Shirabu- No more picking up calls from him. 

Like. Ever. 

»»——⍟——««

I’m really going to miss you picking fights 

It had been a bad day at the hospital. For some reason, screaming at you always helped the acid inside him oxidise into something less toxic, and now he was wishing you could be by his side, your eyebrows slanting in a little worry and a little frustration. 

And me falling for it screaming that I’m right 

“Well, I can’t help it if you’re oversensitive!” He remembered snapping at you in one of your more heated arguments. Red flushed across your face as you bit your lip, refraining yourself from saying anything more cutting that would only serve to drive your relationship even closer to the edge of the jarring cliff.  

And you hide away to find your peace of mind

“I’m going to spend the night at my friend’s place.” You mumbled, pushing past him and choosing to end the argument without another word. The front door creaked condescendingly at him, berating him for being so blunt and rough with you yet again. 

With some indie record that's much cooler than mine

The club music was loud enough to drown out the pesky thoughts of you that were running around his mind like flies. The liquor burned down his throat, but the sting was nothing compared the one in his heart. Flashing lights made his head pound, but he ignored the pain in favour of the momentary bliss of not having you in his thoughts. 

“Are you here alone?” 

He didn’t even want to look up. Disgust seeped into his features as he circled the rim of the glass with one finger. You would never use such a sultry tone on him, he thought. “Yes, I’m alone, and I’d prefer for it to stay that way.” He snapped, giving her a momentary, sharp glare.

The woman walked away with a scoff, muttering something along the lines of ‘How rude’ and ‘Could’ve just said no’. 

“What did you say to her?” Kawanishi asked with a laugh as he settled into the seat next to his best friend, having brushed past the furious woman on his way over. “She looked pissed.” 

The doctor shrugged. “She was being annoying. And-” He shut his mouth before the words came out, but judging from the cocky smile Kawanishi was sporting, he knew exactly what he was about to say. 

“She’s nothing like Y/N?” The man suggested. 

“Shut up, Kawanishi.” 

Ooh, you called me up again tonight

Moving on was, as you found, incredibly hard to do when your ex-boyfriend called you by default whenever he was ever slightly drunk. 

“Can you pick me up? I’m a little drunk and I can’t find Kawanishi. Trust me, I’ve tried everyone.” Please get the hint that I just want to see you, please- The string of pleases’ turned out unhelpful, because no matter how hard Shirabu prayed- 

This time I’m telling you, I’m telling you

“Shirabu, just call a taxi for god’s sake. I have things to do, you know.” Your dry tone was like a splash of cold water to his face, drenching him in shock as he stared at the call that you just hung up on. 

You had made up your mind.  

We are never ever, ever, getting back together 

“So, how did it go?” Kawanishi raised a curious eyebrow, ordering another drink from the barista as Shirabu slumped into one of the seats with a sour look. 

“Hung up on me.” He gritted, demanding a drink- Any drink- One that could burn his pride away, one that could wash the pain away, one that could erase the longing for you. 

His best friend shrugged. “Well, I can’t blame her.” 

“You’re not helping.” 

“You know, if she’s moving on, you have no choice but to move on, too.” 

I used to think that we were forever ever 

Moving on seemed like a foreign concept to Shirabu. Every word you said was ingrained to his brain like an ancient tablet with inscribed words. ‘Shirabu’, you said. ‘Shirabu’, you said, like he was a stranger. ‘Shirabu’, you said, like the two of you hadn’t stuck through your roller coaster of a relationship together. 

What happened to being your boyfriend, ‘Kenji’? 

And I used to say, never say never

You stared at the ceiling, your phone screen still the one that showed the call you hung up on. ‘Kenji’, the caller ID said. 

You hesitated when your phone asked you for confirmation, pressing ‘Okay’ when they asked you if you wanted to delete ‘Kenji’s number forever. 

»»——⍟——««

“Is this L/N Y/N?” 

You paused for a moment. “Yes. How can I help you?” 

“Dr. Shirabu has collapsed at the hospital.” 

A silence rang deafeningly as you sucked in a breath, hissing at faint throb his name brought to your heart. “... And why are you telling me this?” 

“Ma’am, you’re his emergency contact.” The nurse told you, confusion clear in her voice. “Could you come pick him up? He’s fainted from exhaustion and he’s been told to take the rest of the week off.” 

You bit your lip as you considered your options hesitatingly. You hadn’t seen Shirabu in three months after told him to take the taxi home... Should you pick him up? 

[The story separates into two endings from here: Angst (No) and sort-of Fluff (Yes)]

»»——⍟——««

[No.] 

Your mind made up, you steeled your voice, trying not to give away the fact that tears were pattering down your cheeks like rain on a windowsill. “Sorry. I’m outstation right now. Maybe you could call Kawanishi Taichi instead? I can give you his number.”  

»»——⍟——««

[Yes.] 

You sighed. Despite being a doctor, Kenjirou never seemed to know how to watch after his own well-being. “Alright. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” 

The drive to the hospital plagued you with a hurricane of mixed emotions, a storm brewing inside your chest as you tried to think of what to say to him. Why were you his emergency contact? Didn’t he have anyone else- Kawanishi? Semi? Goshiki? On second thought, the only person he would’ve picked out of the three would be Kawanishi- Maybe he just forgot to change it after the two of you broke up for real. 

“He’s still passed out.” The nurse that had been on the phone with your earlier explained. “He hasn’t been sleeping well for three months now, but he insists that he’s fine. Until today, that is.” She sighed. “He just passed out in the middle of the corridor.” 

Three months. You mumbled to yourself. The amount of time since the day the two of you cut things off cleanly. 

The door to the hospital room swung open, your heart dropping at the pale-looking Kenjirou that lay unconscious on the bed, a frown etched across his features. 

“He won’t wake up for a while.” The nurse told you apologetically. “He was up a few minutes after he collapsed but...” She fidgeted nervously. “Um... I dosed his water with Zolpidem. He needs rest.” 

“Ah.” You cleared your throat. “In that case, do you think you could help me move him into my car?” 

»»——⍟——««

“Why are you here?” Came Shirabu’s demanding tone as he stumbled out of your bedroom, his copper-coloured hair disheveled from how much he had tossed around the last night (You had considered tying him down). 

“This is my apartment.” You deadpanned, brewing a cup of coffee in the kitchen. “I live here.” 

He opened and closed his mouth, trying to find a suitable retort. “Then why am I here?” 

“Because you couldn’t be trusted to take care of yourself and passed out in the middle of your shift.” You snorted. “The hospital called me. Apparently, I’m your emergency contact. Oh, and before I forget, you’re suspended from work for a week.” 

“What?” 

“Would do you some good to get some rest.” You retorted, taking out a bowl of pre-cooked soup from the fridge. “You’re so pale you could pass off as a vampire. Sit and wait. I’ll reheat some soup for you.” 

He had no choice but to obey when you shot him a warning glare, dismissing any of his protests. Running a hand through his hair, he watched you as you bustled around the kitchen, occasionally taking a sip from your coffee mug. 

“Here.” Plopping down on the seat next to him, you shoved the bowl of warm chicken soup in his direction, accompanied by a spoon. “Drink up.”

“Thanks.” He mumbled, taking a sip of the soup. 

You hummed in response. “Have you been having trouble sleeping lately?” 

“Why?” He sounded defensive, eyes snapping wide as if someone had shocked him with electricity. 

“Well, the nurse told me you looked like you haven’t slept in three months, and you do look like you haven’t slept in forever- Plus, you kept tossing around last night.” You said thoughtfully, leaning back on your chair. 

Looking away from you, as if he was afraid you’d see the truth in his eyes, Shirabu huffed. The apartment rang deafening volumes despite how neither of you knew what to say, Kenjirou staring at his soup until he decided to be honest. “I haven’t slept well since you left.” He admitted quietly, suddenly finding his reflection in the soup very interesting. 

Silence decorated the space between the two of you, neither of you knowing how to continue the conversation. 

“Oh.” You said awkwardly, taking a sip of your coffee. “Um, can’t you take sleeping medicine for that? What was it, um, Zolpidem?” 

“I did.” 

That’s great didn’t seem like an appropriate response; I see seemed incredibly cold; Oh would only prolong the awkwardness of the conversation. 

“I... Haven’t gotten drunk ever since you hung up on me that night.” He added quietly, still studying his reflection in the soup. “I’ve been sober ever since.” 

“That’s... Great.” You managed, taking another sip of your coffee. 

He searched in the air for your eyes, looking a little like a runaway mental hospital patient as he blurted out: “Can we- Can we try again?” His face flushed as he met your flummoxed reaction. “I know what we had before was...” He fumbled around for the right word. “Borderline toxic,” He admitted, “But I promise I’ll try for real this time, and- And I’ll come home, and I’ll be nice-”

Shirabu stopped in the middle of his rant, wanting to open the large kitchen window opposite him and jump out, hopefully killing himself from the thirteen-storey fall. 

He took a deep breath, pacifying his suicidal urges. “I- Kawanishi can’t make chicken soup for his life. And he’s a terrible liar when confronted.” 

“Oh.” That seemed to be your default response now. 

“Look, I was an idiot before.” He said, sounding strained. “I was an idiot for not treating you right and I realise that. If you- If you don’t want to take me back, I’ll get out right now because I completely understand where you’re coming from, but if you could give me one- One chance, I’ll give it everything I have, I promise-” 

You cleared your throat. “I’m going to have to stop you there.” He didn’t bother hiding his dejected expression at your words, his shoulders slumping and you could’ve sworn the bags under his eyes got darker. 

“If we’re going to do this again, you’re going to have to start from the top.” He looked up so fast that you were genuinely concerned about how his neck didn’t snap. “You’re going to have to court me, ask me on dates, yada yada yada. I’m not promising anything except the fact that I’m willing to give it a go. Got it?” 

A soft smile spread across his features, and for the first time in three months, Kenjirou looked slightly happy. “I’ve got the whole week off, don’t I? Plenty of the time to plan our first date.” 

“To think I promised myself that I was never getting together with you again.” You groaned softly, leaning back into your chair. “You better make this worth it or I’m going to kick your ass.” 

He took a sip of the chicken soup. “Tastes exactly like the one Kawanishi made me.” He commented with a slight smirk. 

“Oh, shut up!” 

Never say never. 

»»——⍟——««