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Yixing knows what a wild dream can do. He knows where that road leads, not personally, but he’s seen people chase something intangible and fail. He knows the highest of high people have been to, and the lowest of low; all because they chased a wild, bunny-like dream.
Junmyeon is what his mother would call bad influence, but she’d only realize after the bad has been done. She, too, wouldn’t know the real bad influence until the harm is done. Yixing can see that he’s a bad idea, the wild dream Yixing shouldn’t chase; his touch feels like a bad influence too, it’s so obvious. Of course there’s a ‘but’ to every sentence after that.
But he’s so handsome; but he’s so tempting; but his smile is so charming. Everything is so, so good, and Yixing wants a taste. Just a lick. Just an idea of what could be his future.
*
“Run away with me,” Junmyeon whispers, when they’re sitting around Yixing’s apartment. Both are clothed, unfortunately, but Yixing is so close to getting an idea. “Yixing, I’m not kidding.”
“Of course you aren’t kidding,” he teases back, but his heart reacts to those words. I want to, I will if you want me to. “But you know that’s just a thing to dream about.”
Junmyeon sighs, disappointed for the nth time that Yixing isn’t falling in his trap. Yixing should be proud that he’s avoiding a mishap, but the disappointed sigh sinks into his gut. It sinks deeper and deeper, lower until it hits rock bottom, and stirs something uncomfortable in him.
“Just a thing to dream about,” Junmyeon repeats, and he looks up at the ceiling, judging it instead of judging his friend. “Is that what you like about this life you have?”
It’s a jab directly at the open wound, a salted-finger jab. Yixing winces and builds up his defense instantly. “What?”
“Why can’t you run away from all that’s troubling you?” Junmyeon finally looks at him, eyelids heavy with displeasure and judgement. “Why not leave it all behind?”
“Because troubles never leave you,” Yixing quotes his mother. He doesn’t mimic her hunched shoulders, or her grief-stricken face. “Running away is not the answer. Leaving it all behind is useless.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” Junmyeon scoffs. He rolls his eyes. No matter how handsome he is, Yixing feels the sting of that action.
“Get out of my house,” he commands, voice low. He looks away from his friend so he doesn’t see the tears welling in his eyes. “You don’t get to come to my house and roll your eyes at me.”
Junmyeon gets up and leaves immediately, without making a single noise. He’s a nice guy like that — he listens, obeys without fighting, and Yixing misses him the moment the door clicks.
*
He brings apology with a flower bouquet and a cute bunny keyring. He stands in front of Yixing’s door, a sunny smile on his gorgeous face. “I’m sorry for what I said, and did.”
“It hurt me,” Yixing doesn’t take the flowers, or the keyring. He stares at Junmyeon, too hurt to let him inside. “The way you said it.”
“I know,” Junmyeon nods. “I’m sorry.”
“What if your sorry isn’t enough?” he asks, and he takes a step forward. This is bad, his mind whispers, don’t do it. “What if all of this isn’t enough?”
It’s too late now, Yixing’s mind whispers once again, and it is. It’s too late, because the bouquet and the keyring press against his back, and Junmyeon is kissing him desperately. He kisses back, equally desperate because he’s wanted a taste for so long, and he’s finally tasting it. The idea is just a little spark, and Yixing knows this is going to start a forest fire of emotions and feelings and bad decisions and a series of Junmyeon-related incidents.
*
First in the series of Junmyeon-related incidents happens a day after the kiss. The day after the kiss is filled with kisses too, because Junmyeon is generous and Yixing is hooked. The way he presses their lips together, so delicate yet overpowering — the way he clings onto Yixing’s arms like he’ll melt away if he doesn’t hold; all of it makes Yixing want more.
So they book two tickets to Japan, a place where Junmyeon said he grew up loving. He visited it throughout his childhood and teenage, and fell in love when he was only 3 years old. Yixing is excited to visit the place where Junmyeon bloomed into what he is right now: a bad influence disguised so good even protective parents wouldn’t be able to tell. What a beauty.
“I feel alive when I’m there,” Junmyeon whispers when the lights are out, and someone three rows in front of them has their light switched on. They’re reading a Japanese book, just like Junmyeon. The lights are off, so Yixing turns his head and steals a kiss. “I feel immortal when I’m there.”
That’s a thing Junmyeon says a lot about his place of dreams. That it makes him feel immortal, that time freezes for him when he’s there. He repeats it, but it doesn’t seem to register in him that he’s repeating it.
“Is it the air?” Yixing asks softly. He thinks he could stumble into the darkness of Junmyeon’s eyes. “What about it makes you feel that way?”
“The freedom,” Junmyeon whispers, and he’s close again. He holds Yixing’s chin gently, presses a hungry kiss on his lips. “The freedom makes me feel everything.”
*
They’re at a cheap rented place. A single bedroom and a kitchen, the bathroom is downstairs. It’s a cheap place, but it smells like Junmyeon everywhere.
Yixing is lying between Junmyeon’s legs, his stomach against Junmyeon’s crotch, and his head on Junmyeon’s chest. They lie naked on the cheap wooden bed, naked except for their boxers. He can hear the heartbeat, and it’s so calming. It’s so calming, hypnotizing. If Junmyeon asks him to do anything right now, Yixing fears he’s going to do it. Just for the sake of this calmness which settles in his bone and makes him lethargic.
“Are you going to kill me now?” Yixing asks, half-serious and half-joking. “Is that why you brought me here?”
Junmyeon looks down, amused. He strokes Yixing’s hair in a rhythmic motion. “I brought you here to free you.”
“What if I didn’t need to be freed,” Yixing pushes himself up on his knees, and crawls on top of Junmyeon. “What if you were all I needed?”
“You have me,” Junmyeon promises, and Yixing can see that it’s a lie. He can see that there will be many more Yixings to come, but he doesn’t care.
“Okay,” he leans down, kisses Junmyeon’s pretty jaw. “I’m glad.”
*
To his surprise, Junmyeon stays. He stays and books two tickets back to home when Yixing confesses his homesickness.
“I…” Junmyeon sighs, disappointed yet again. But he isn’t disappointed because of Yixing, no. He’s disappointed because Japan didn’t do the magic it did to him. “I can’t chain you here, I know how much homesickness sucks.”
He sounds homesick when they’re at the airport, waiting. He talks like they’re already back home, away from Japan, and Yixing’s heart aches.
“You can stay here,” Yixing mutters, ten minutes before they have to board the flight. “I won’t mind. You love this place.”
Junmyeon is a stubborn man, and that’s when he becomes something more than a dream. The hazy shape of a cloud solidifies into Junmyeon’s body, and Yixing can see it. He isn’t a wild dream for people to chase, he’s just a free man with his own priorities, just like Yixing. Although their priorities lie differently.
Yixing is more in love, now that Junmyeon is no longer a wild dream. His words don’t sound like a lie, and his kisses don’t feel like signing up to committing another sin.