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TEENAGERS! Am I right?
I mean, give me a break. It was bad enough when I had to deal with Dean and Sam when they went through it, but at least they knew what was what! But this kid? Puuuure ignorance. Just listen to this…
There I was, parked outside the local movie theater in the middle of town, a backseat full of cursed objects, creepy dolls and lethal teddy bears. Just another day in the life, right? The boys head into the liquor store across the street for “emergency supplies” if you know what I mean. The next thing I know, some crazy little blond twinkie is jumping behind my wheel and driving off! She pulls a U-ey and races out of town towards Route 36. I can see Sam and Dean in the rear view mirror and, believe you me, they did NOT look happy! I didn’t have to read lips to know what Dean was screaming. And, truth to tell, I was doing a fair share of cussing myself!
Once I blew a little steam out my radiator, I decided it was time to figure out what kind of evil skank I was dealing with. Might be a demon or a vamp… little young to be a witch but you never know. So I’d keep my eyes and ears open.
She was about five feet nothing and dressed like any rural kid. White T-shirt, plaid coat, jeans and a pair of boots that were leaning a little heavy on my gas pedal. When she saw my boys in the street behind us, she let out a laugh that was cocky with a side of nervous. Yeah, if she knows who owns me, she better be nervous! I had no doubt the boys would find me and deal with this idiot.
Once we were out of town this chickadee starts talking to herself and I’m listening for clues.
“Oh, shit! I can’t believe I did that! My mom is gonna kill me. But Stacey is gonna be stoked! This will really impress her.”
What the hell?!
“What is it with this old fogey music? God! How old are these geezers?”
Before I knew it she’s changing the radio station to some horrendous alt rock and… oh no, she didn’t! Yes, she did. She changed one of the preset buttons. Unbelievable.
Well, if the stuff in the box doesn’t kill her, Dean definitely will. Good luck, girly! You’re gonna need it.
“This is going to be the most awesome Skip Day ever! Stacey is gonna freak when she sees me in this car! Maybe we can make out in the back seat!”
You have got to be kidding me. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!? Son of a bitch! I’ve dealt with being possessed by a ghost...THREE TIMES...had the king of Hell in my trunk, my door used to decapitate a werepire and been driven through a big old sign by a frigging demon, but this is too much! This little darlin’ ain’t no monster. She’s just some nutjob teen trying to impress a girl! It’s like a flashback to Dean all over again.
She turns into a driveway that looks more like a goat path, with absolutely no concern for my undercarriage or suspension. Apparently she knows even less about cars than Sammy does! Of course, Sam does respect me, he just doesn’t put as much thought into driving as Dean does, so I give him a little leeway. The things we do for love.
We finally pull up to some raggedy, deserted house with loud music pumping out the windows. Little Miss Donna Juan hops out and grabs the box of No Fun At All from my backseat. Uh oh. Giggling like the schoolgirl she is, she goes skipping up the steps and into the house. If those kids start messing with that stuff this is going to be one hell of a surprise party! That girl has no idea what she’s gotten herself into.
Me? I’m just waiting for the screaming to start and my boys to show up.
Teenagers. Am I right?