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Apollo was Percy’s first real boyfriend. They both went to the same college, they hit it off during a Classics Literature class, studied together for their final on the The Iliad, found out they lived in the same dorm, and the rest was history.
Apollo was a junior and Percy was a sophomore, and they had nothing in common except their love of Graeco-Roman history. And Apollo was like a real life Greek hero that had walked into Percy’s desolate life. It worked perfectly. Apollo introduced Percy to slam poetry and Percy taught Apollo how to play soccer.
And as Percy thought about it, their romance was one to write songs about. Apollo made him feel like more than a dyslexic, ADHD, finally-out-of-the-closet gay jock. He made him feel like he was something special and worth writing poetry about and like he deserved to be loved as fiercely as Apollo loved him. Apollo made Percy feel like his less-than-ideal upbringing didn’t define him.
Apollo was the brightest star in the sky to Percy, and when summer came along and Percy stayed in New York City, Apollo had to go home to California.
There wasn’t a doubt in Percy’s mind that their romance would stay strong, and long distance felt so easy with modern technology like Skype and texting. And it did stay strong, Apollo had a way with words, declaring his love for Percy every night and greeting him every morning. It felt so easy. And when Percy returned to school a week early for soccer tryouts, he was delighted to find out that yet again, he and Apollo were living in the same building and on the same floor. This year would be perfect.
That was when he heard from a girl down the hall that Apollo had been fucking a boy named CJ all summer. A quick phone call to his soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend confirmed this.
So?
Percy moved to a different dorm. Made the soccer team. Ignored Apollo in his beautiful tanned, blonde glory in his Latin class. Ignored those sad glances and regretful head shakes and beautifully worded apologies. Ignored the song Apollo was writing that he had been sending excerpts to Percy.
Until he couldn’t anymore.
Percy, I won’t make assumptions
About why you switched your dorm room
But, I think it’s cause of me.
Percy sighed as he threw himself onto his blue bed and hugged the blue teddy bear Apollo had won him ages ago at a carnival. His roommate, Grover, was at an Office of the Environment meeting, so Percy allowed himself this one time to read over what Apollo had sent him and cry.
Percy, one time I was riding on my skateboard
When I passed your dorm
It’s like I couldn’t breathe.
His eyes were welling up as he remembered Apollo learning how to skateboard from Percy and scraping his knees. They’d gone back to their dorm and kissed after bandaging him up.
You heard the rumors from Inez
You can’t believe a word she says
Most times, but this time, it was true.
The worst thing I ever did
Was what I did to you.
Apollo was Percy’s only ever boyfriend and Percy had loved him unconditionally. Or, well, Percy supposed the one condition was that Apollo wouldn’t cheat on him.
He grunted sadly, or, angrily? He was confused.
But if I just showed up at your party
Would you have me? Would you want me?
Would you tell me to go fuck myself
Or lead me to the garden?
He laughed, sniffling up his tears and reading on, smiling softly at his exes antics.
Apollo always knew how to cheer Percy up.
In the garden would you trust me
If I told you it was just a summer thing?
I’m only twenty one, I don’t know anything
But I know I miss you.
And oh, Percy missed him too. He didn’t do anything that didn’t remind him of something Apollo had said or done. He always remembered the good times and they never had bad times. Not until this.
Percy, I know where it all went wrong
Your favorite song was playing
From the far side of the gym
I was nowhere to be found
I hate the crowds, you know that
Plus, I saw you dance with him.
Percy scoffed, rolling his eyes. When Percy had found out about Apollo’s affair with CJ, he’d cried so hard in public that his new friend, Grover, had done the first thing he thought of in the middle of the campus, with the faint speakers playing Percy’s favorite song. He waltzed with him. Clumsily, but it had solidified him as Percy’s best friend.
You heard the rumors from Inez
You can’t believe a word she says
Most times, but this time, it was true.
The worst thing I ever did
Was what I did to you.
But if I just showed up at your party
Would you have me? Would you want me?
Would you tell me to go fuck myself
Or lead me to the garden?
In the garden would you trust me
If I told you it was just a summer thing?
I’m only twenty one, I don’t know anything
But I know I miss you.
Percy was laying in bed then, reading through all of Apollo’s old and new lyrics when Grover found him like that.
“Apollo wrote me a song,” Percy sniffled and laughed wetly. “Will you read me the rest? I can’t finish it,” and Grover was nothing if not caring.
“Alright, man,” he smiled sadly and continued on in his calmest voice.
“ I was walking home on broken cobblestones
Just thinking of you
When he pulled up
Like a figment of my worst intentions.
He said “Hey get in, let’s drive.”
Those days turned into nights.
Slept next to him, but
I dreamt of you all summer long.”
Percy’s head was in Grover’s lap, eyes soaking the denim on his thighs as he sighed dreamily. Apollo had a way of making Percy feel like they were another tragic love story doomed to end and like star crossed lovers meant to be all at once.
“ Percy, I’m here on your doorstep
And I planned it out for weeks now
But it’s finally sinking in.
Percy, right now is the last time
I can dream about what happens
When you see my face again.
The only thing I wanna do
Is make it up to you.”
Percy cried all day until he picked himself up and got dressed for the mixer the team was having with the arts society that night.
Choir parties had the best energy and sports parties had the best booze. Percy was bound to have a great time.
That is, until he remembered Apollo was part of the choir.
Percy was on door duty, sitting in a rocking chair in his ripped black jeans and blue t-shirt as Apollo walked up to him with a guitar in hand and a nervous frown on his face.
“Percy, did you ever…” his voice came out soft and he cleared his throat, and in that second Percy shot Grover a text to send backup.
“Did you ever read my texts?” he asked when he finally stood in front of Percy on the stairs, so they were eye to eye.
Percy bit his lip, but nodded. He didn’t want to cry right now, but all he wanted to do was fall into Apollo’s toned arms and let everything be okay.
He cleared his throat again and started a tune on his guitar.
“I finished my song,” he started before serenading Percy (and Grover, who had shown up and was standing behind Percy with his girlfriend Juniper in tow).
“ So, I showed up at your party,
Yeah, I showed up at your party,” he built up the guitar and lead into a key change.
“ Yeah, I showed up at your party
Will you have me? Will you love me?
Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends?
If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it?
Will it patch your broken wings?
I’m only twenty one, I don’t know anything
But I know I miss you,” he continued on the guitar as Percy stood shakily, walking down the stairs towards his once lover.
“ Standing in your cardigan,
Kissing in my car again,
Stopped at a streetlight,
You know I miss you.”
Percy was on the step above Apollo when he stopped, so they were eye to eye.
“You fucked me up so badly,” he got out. “I,” he started and pursed his lips as everything he wanted to say slipped away and he ached to lean in for a hug. “I can’t trust you right now,” and Apollo’s eyes glazed over with tears not yet fallen, looking heartbroken. “But I also know I’ve never been as happy as I was when I was with you,” he continued. “And I think you’re stupid. And I think you’re gullible, and insensitive, and I love you so much it hurts me to admit your flaws. But you’re all I want. And if you ever fuck with me again you won’t even notice how fast I leave you,” he threatened, tears finally falling as he burst forward and pressed his lips against Apollo’s.
“I love you so much,” Apollo whispered against his lips, pressing them together again and setting his guitar down so he could wrap Percy in his warm embrace.
And although Percy knew there was a lot of work to be done, it felt like coming home.