Work Text:
Tooi had been away three years, and Kazuki still didn't know how Enta felt about him. At this point, it had to be wilful ignorance, because Enta had not got any more subtle since entering high school.
He'd ended up at the same high school as Kazuki and Enta, of course. Had it been known that they'd been his friends before he went in, somebody probably would have stopped it, sent him to another school - or maybe not, since they were such nice boys. Crossdressing, recorder-licking nice boys, but certainly not involved in any of Tooi's shadier activities. He'd scrupulously kept their names out of his accounts to the police and at the reformatory group therapy sessions. It had been easier in the former than the latter - the police only wanted to talk about Chikai, but it had been hard to talk about good influences in his life and his support system when he got out without giving too much away.
Three years on and there he was, back in his room in their old family apartment on top of the shop, with his aunt and uncle. Nobody remembered Kuji Chikai and his face on the news: just another small-time gangster who lost his final gamble. Tooi had left this world behind halfway through his second year of middle school, and now he came back to it to start his final year of high school. He could have done four years at the reformatory and got his high school certificate, but they'd agreed that it would be better for him to try to integrate into normal mainstream school again. So here he was, the mysterious transfer student yet again, but this time without a grow-op in his bedroom.
"Hey, you're still coming over tonight, right?" Enta was packing away his cleats next to him. His voice was just slightly louder than for a normal conversation, and Tooi admired the effort at social engineering: showing everybody else that they were friends and Tooi was part of the group. Maybe he'd get to be on casual nodding terms with his classmates in this school instead of having nasty rumours spread about him. That would be nice.
"Sure," he replied, at normal volume. From the corner of his eye, he caught Enta sneaking a glance at Kazuki through lowered lashes. Yep, still hopelessly unsubtle - once you knew what to look for. If Enta wasn't careful, he'd be having rumours spread about him. Though the rumourmongers might regret it: Enta had a sharp tongue on him when provoked, and he wasn't above a little devious plotting to get his own back. Then again, Enta might not care. The only people whose opinions he seemed to care about were his sister, Kazuki, and now suddenly Tooi.
He was like Kazuki that way: when it came down to it, the only person whose opinion really, really mattered to Kazuki was Haruka. Tooi could relate: until he'd met these two guys, even right up until Chikai's death, he'd lived entirely for his older brother's approval. The thing he had dreaded about leaving the reformatory was stepping back into the world outside and not finding Chikai there. Whatever Tooi did from now on, he would have to do for himself alone.
So he went over to Kazuki and Enta's houses - usually Enta's, since his parents were away and his sister liked to go out with friends in the evening, leaving them to their own devices - and played at being a normal high-schooler. It was nice, and it saved him from having to try to make friends who might ask about the three years he'd supposedly spent up north in a little Tohoku town with family on his mother's side. It was only half a lie: Mom's family really did live up there somewhere round Akita. Tooi had last visited when he was almost too young to remember. He had vague memories of a dull grey sky and Dad complaining that they were going to miss the ferry - to where? There were photographs, somewhere, of that trip. If he wanted to, he might be able to find out. Auntie would be pleased if he showed interest in old family photos.
It was already getting dark by the time they got back to Enta's house. They'd spent what remained of their afternoon in their usual riverside spot, helpfully secured by Tooi scowling at the middle-schoolers who tried to impose until they cleared off. It had made Kazuki laugh.
"We know you're just a big softy," he said, which were bold words coming from a guy who'd watched a memory of Tooi at ten shooting a gangster dead. Enta had looked charmed by Kazuki's laughter and envious of Tooi at the same time. It was funny to Tooi that Enta now liked him, but was still jealous of Kazuki's attention. Sometimes he would even get jealous if it went the other way and he thought Tooi was paying too much attention to Kazuki instead. Enta was just a jealous guy, really. Well, Tooi had got jealous over Chikai, so he could relate a little, even though it seemed like a lot of effort to get that jealous over your friends - even over your hopeless crush.
Spring was just starting to melt into summer, and the evenings were getting warmer. Kazuki and Enta had already had their birthdays, leaving Tooi as the baby, still seventeen - though also still the tallest.
"I am gonna be taller than you," Enta vowed grimly - but Tooi had caught his sly glance, and knew that Enta liked that Tooi was bigger and stronger than him.
"Keep dreaming," was all Tooi said. It had never occurred to him that he might be liked for his appearance - frankly, he wasn't used to being liked for anything, just respected for being able to knock down bigger guys - and Enta's admiration made him feel funny. But in a nice way.
Enta and Kazuki both had bicycles, but Tooi didn't, so he had to jog next to them. They were nice enough to take it slow and pedal in circles when necessary. Both of them had grown some tact while he'd been away. They still teased him, though - mainly Enta, who seemed to show his friendship with Tooi by being affectionately mean to him. Sometimes he blushed when he said the mean things, though.
Enta didn't have to say "Drinks in the fridge!" as they piled in: they'd been here enough times that they felt entitled to take ownership of the contents of the fridge and fix their own drinks when they came in hot and slightly sweaty from the beginning of humidity in the Tokyo air. There were bottles of green tea and Pocari Sweat, and they drank them thirstily, wiping their mouths with the backs of their hands.
It was the kind of easy friendship that Tooi had always wanted - that maybe everybody wanted, if you watched TV. The kind of friendship where there were things you didn't have to say.
"Oh, Mom and Dad said hi to both of you, and wanted to know how Haruka was getting on," said Enta casually while they were all lying on their stomachs in the living room, controller in hand. It wasn't entirely clear to Tooi what Enta's parents did. He wasn't convinced Enta knew either. Hi to both of you - he'd never met Enta's parents. Kazuki described them as 'warm'. Tooi tried to imagine what kind of warm parents worked for months on end in a foreign country without their teenaged son. Enta always seemed happy with the arrangement, at least. "I told them he's using crutches a lot more now," he added, as he casually obliterated Tooi's cart.
"Yeah, Haru's doing really well." Kazuki had the same expression on his face as he always had when talking about his little brother - fond, a little wistful. It made Tooi wonder whether Chikai had ever looked like that while talking about him. Probably not. Enta had met Chikai, briefly, completely by accident; but he'd been shot immediately afterwards and Tooi had never gathered the courage to ask whether Chikai had spoken about him, or what he'd said.
Normally, Enta was the first to fall asleep. He had the enviable ability to pass out more or less as his head hit the pillow. But Tooi, lying next to him, could feel the faint restless animal current that meant he was still awake. Even after Kazuki seemed to drift off on Enta's other side. There was a quality to the night silence like Enta was on the verge of saying something. Tooi turned on his side to face him, in the hope it might prompt him to get a move on. He wanted to get to sleep too.
"Tooi?" Enta whispered. Tooi opened his eyes to find Enta facing him. The moonlight through Enta's bedroom curtains caught on the whites of his eyes.
"Uh-huh." Next to them, Kazuki didn't stir. Tooi wouldn't put it past him to pretend to be asleep, though.
"OK, personal question." Tooi could make out through the darkness that Enta was blushing a little, which intrigued him - Enta wasn't easily embarrassed. "Have you ever, um..."
He might, maybe, be asking whether Tooi had ever shoplifted, or whatever. (Yes.) But it didn't take their sarazanmai mind-reading bond to work out what Enta was implying.
The fact that Enta's nerve failed him was kind of cute. Normally, Enta would have asked that without a trace of embarrassment, which was one of the things Tooi liked about him. But in the confessional atmosphere the darkness leant to their conversation, he struggled to ask his question outright.
"Uh-huh."
"Really?" Enta sounded very shocked. Tooi had supposed he'd asked because if you were dealing weed and waterboarding guys at fourteen, you were probably also the kind of guy who lost his virginity early, right? But Enta sounded like he'd expected the answer to be negative.
"Sure. When I was inside."
"Woah...who with? You said the girls were separated, so how did you?"
"It wasn't with a girl."
Now he really had Enta's attention.
"A - h-how did you know? I mean, what did he say, do?" Trust Enta to focus on the practicalities of picking up. "What was he in for?"
"Dunno. You're not allowed to tell anyone your age, where you come from, or what you did," Tooi explained. Though that hadn't entirely prevented him from being recognised: they did have television, and his surname and resemblance to Chikai had been noted. Still, reporting restrictions had kept his involvement a secret.
"So you can't be notorious? There can't be that many inmates who've killed someone." Enta's tone dropped lower, more confiding, and his eyes gleamed in the half-light. They hadn't talked much about Tooi's stint in juvie; except, weirdly, about the food. Not like it was too sensitive to mention: more like it had been an interruption that was no longer relevant now they were reunited.
"And so you can't meet up when you get out, and drag each other down into bad habits again. He didn't sound like he was from Tokyo, though - I think he had a kind of Fukuoka accent." Tooi rolled his neck, which was developing a crick. "It's not like you get much opportunity, and of course you're not supposed to - but yeah, I worked out he was coming onto me pretty quick. Just something in the way he looked at me."
"And what did you do?" Enta was excited now, though he was trying to hide it. Tooi suspected that all-male environments and tough delinquents might feature quite prominently in some of Enta's daydreams.
"Not much. Just..." Tooi made the universal gesture, and Enta nodded. As close as they were lying, Tooi recognised the clouding over of his eyes as Enta slipping off into the land of fantasy. Well, let him fantasise. Tooi fantasised about it sometimes. It had been one of the many firsts he'd experienced at the reformatory. And Shin had been a pretty nice guy, all told. Tooi had been pretty sure that he'd been in for drugs, and something a lot stronger than Tooi's cannabis gro-op. Something in his manner.
He let Enta think on it for a minute. Then he said,
"So, Kazuki..."
Again, even the faint moonlight showed Enta's ear going bright pink. Enta still couldn't keep his cool around or about Kazuki. It was funny sometimes, or sometimes just sad. Tooi never said anything about it: it wasn't his business how Enta dealt, or didn't deal, with his long-standing crush. But he was curious, and if Enta got to ask questions, it was only fair they swap confessions. Enta's expression said he was in an answering mood.
"I think - I think he knows," Enta mumbled almost inaudibly into his pillow.
"And he's just too nice to say anything, huh." Tooi was still not convinced that Kazuki had let himself acknowledge the torch his best friend was carrying for him. Enta had had three years of watching Kazuki that Tooi hadn't; but he could also convince himself of strange things where Kazuki was concerned.
"He doesn't notice girls." Enta had extracted himself from the pillow, but was absently hugging it to his chest. "But he doesn't notice me, either. I don't think he's into anything except himself dressed up as a girl."
"Easier than having to connect with another human being, for sure," said Tooi dryly. He'd noticed the modest collection of feminine clothes in Kazuki's wardrobe, left on display without explanation. What Kazuki must have said to his parents, Tooi couldn't imagine. He wasn't sure if Enta was right about Kazuki or not - again, Enta's imagination sometimes exceeded his reach. But it was plausible to the base part of his soul where their sarazanmai connection still sat.
"If he's satisfied with that, he's lucky." Enta rolled over onto his back. Tooi recognised the hard, unhappy throb of loneliness underneath his words.
You'll find someone sounded trite, even if it was likely. Beside them, Kazuki snuffled a little in his sleep. He'd look cute in a girl's nightgown. Tooi licked his lips, and said,
"Look at all the awful people who find somebody to put up with them. You're clever, athletic, and not bad-looking: sure, being gay makes it harder, but you'd totally be in demand if you just found the right place with the right people." Shin would definitely have found Enta appealing, though Enta should probably aim higher than a former delinquent and probable meth dealer.
Enta squinted suspiciously at him through the darkness. "And how would you know?" He did not dispute Tooi calling him homo, though Tooi had never heard him come right out and say it.
"Just do." He wasn't going to say You're kind of my type. He wanted to, but he didn't. Kazuki was also kind of his type, though he agreed with Enta that there was no point in telling Kazuki that.
"Sure." Enta didn't sound entirely convinced. He sounded like perhaps he wanted to be convinced.
"If you let yourself be connected, it'll happen," Tooi insisted. "It's not like you can avoid it."
"You couldn't avoid it." There was a smile in Enta's voice. Moonlight glinted off his eyes, his teeth. "Me and Kazuki, we caught you!"
"Yeah, you caught me." Tooi was smiling too. But I caught you two, as well.