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It was sickening, the whole thing. The snow covered everything delicately, so white and pure that it was nothing short of beautiful. The opportunity to layer up with soft clothes. The smell of hot chocolates and coffee anywhere he turned. And, worst of all, the amount of magic and romance in the air. It was sickening.
Ten rolled his eyes so many times he thought they might as well stay rolled up forever. He just wanted some groceries, that was all. And maybe a bottle of wine. Sure, he had to spend Christmas alone but at the very least he figured he could make a proper, nice and warm meal. But now he regretted not using the frozen meals back at the apartment instead. Stupid, he thought, this is all so stupid. The way back to his apartment felt like it took hours, even though it had only been a few minutes. Study abroad they said, he thought, it’ll be fun, they said. When he finally made it to his door he sighed in relief. It wasn’t long before he was within the warmth and comfort of the apartment that had been home for almost a year. He turned on the lights on the kitchen and placed his groceries away. He then walked over to turn on the Christmas tree and he sat on the couch, staring at it. He made a face, full of disgust. He looked up to the top of the tree and his heart dropped. His smiling face next to his housemate’s reminded him he was very much alone. On the Holidays. Ten knew this was his fault, actually. Johnny did offer to take him home with his family. Ten said no. Johnny insisted for a few days but then dropped it when Ten made absolutely no effort to change his mind. In reality, Ten had been figuring out why he couldn’t stop thinking about Johnny all day.
It was frustrating, really. Ten couldn’t concentrate in class, wondering if Johnny had breakfast during the morning and if he had made it to his own class. Whenever he’d go get coffee, Ten found himself ordering iced americanos, Johnny’s favorite, which were disgusting to him. And when Johnny began to drop hints that he was crushing on someone, Ten felt a part of himself die.
So of course he would say no to going to Johnny’s parent’s house for Christmas. He would rather spend it blacked out drunk and alone than close to somebody he had begun to wonder what his skin would feel like to the touch or if his lips were as soft against his own as they looked. Unfortunately for Ten, Christmas was a romantic time and the guy he had been slowly falling for had found someone else. He is, truly, unlucky.
Ten contemplated his choices. He decided on turning on the TV and watching something that could take his mind off the fact that he hasn’t watched anything on his own for almost a year. His phone buzzed. He grabbed it and saw it was a message. From the same person he wished he could stop thinking about.
John John: what are you doing?
Ten: about to watch a show. Or a movie. Idk yet. You?
John John: I found this video and I figured you need it in your life
Ten opened the link and couldn’t fight the wide smile on his face. Cats. Of course it had to be cats.
Ten: you were right
John John: always am
That was when Ten decided he was not going to spend the rest of Christmas Eve sober. He felt the need like an itch he couldn’t scratch. The apartment was silent, nevermind the movie he let play in the background, he wasn’t interested. He was lonely, touch starved, and his crush was miles away from him. Ten decided it was most definitely the time to get wasted. He didn’t even bother to pour the wine in a glass, instead, he brought the bottle and a bag of chips to the couch.
Something tended to happen when Ten got drunk. He could feel everything more intensely. Every need he had hurt him further if not met. Right then he wished Johnny was there. He wanted to hear his voice. Or to touch him. Which spiralled into what he thought was the best idea he had ever had. Without turning the TV off Ten, already tipsy, made his way to Johnny’s room. The whole place smelled like him. Ten pouted as he jumped on the bed and grabbed a pillow. That would have to do. As if he had somehow called him with his mind, Ten’s phone began to vibrate. He answered the call without caring to check who it was from. But soon he realized not only had he answered a call from Johnny, it was a video call, too.
“Hi!” Johnny smiled. Ten almost dropped his phone the same way his heart sank. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Ten slurred, trying to find a comfortable position to hold his phone.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” Ten mumbled again, finally keeping the phone still. Johnny’s smile seemed smug. Ten couldn’t concentrate on that because he was mostly concentrating on other issues that arose while laying on Johnny’s bed.
“If you say so,” Johnny replied. “Well, what are you up to?” Ten shook his head and tried to smile normally.
“I drank a little,” Ten said. Johnny chuckled.
“I can see that.”
“Johnny,” Ten said, a little more high pitched than he intended. Johnny raised an eyebrow, expecting. “I wish you were here.” Maybe it was the alcohol. Or the fact that he had seen so many happy couples doing happy couple things on Christmas Eve. Or the fact that the bed smelled so much like its owner that it almost pained Ten. Well, it was a lot of pain, the kind that he would usually take care of in his own room, biting down on his own pillows.
“Yeah, I wish you were here too,” Johnny smiled. Ten shook his head.
“No, Johnny you don’t understand,” Ten’s mind was a bit clearer, he was able to sit properly and raise the phone to look straight at Johnny’s face. “I wish you were here.”
“I know,” Johnny replied, a bit more serious. Or smugly. Ten couldn’t tell. “I also wish you were here. Or that I was there.”
“I don’t think you understand-” Ten started but Johnny interrupted him.
“I am in love with you,” Johnny blurted. This time, Ten recognized the soft smile. And, was that a blush? “I wish we were together right now because I am in love with you.” Ten began to cry. He grabbed a pillow and placed his head on it. “Is that my pillow?” Johnny asked trying to help Ten think of something else so he would stop sobbing. Ten nodded. “Is that my bed?” Ten nodded again while tears continued to stream down his face. Johnny smiled. “May I join?” Ten looked up his heart beating so fast he thought it’d leap off his chest. That was a powerful bottle of wine, he thought, if I’m hallucinating Johnny standing on the doorway right now. “I don’t know why I am asking, that’s my bed.” Ten looked at his phone and realized the call was done. Was it truly possible?
“See now this is just cruel,” Ten complained, “I hallucinate things now.” Johnny shrugged laughing. He climbed on the bed and pinned Ten down. He grabbed his face and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.
“You’re not hallucinating,” Johnny smiled. Ten frowned at him.
“Yeah I am.”
“Travelling on Christmas Eve is a nightmare,” Johnny said as he caressed Ten’s face and hair. “Checking into hotels is the worst.”
“Hotels?”
“My parents came with me,” Johnny smiled. “You wouldn’t come home with me so I brought the Suhs to you.”
“What?”
“Now, why are you on my bed?”
“I don’t have to answer that, hallucination Johnny,” Ten pouted and looked to the side. Johnny smiled.
“Well, hallucination or not, I can just feel that you are happy to see me.”
“I hate you,” Ten lied. Johnny shook his head softly laughing.
“No, you don’t.”
“No, I don’t,” Ten admitted. He looked up at Johnny again and smiled “I’ve been in love with you since day one. It wasn’t difficult until like a month ago, though.”
“You are so beautiful,” Johnny mumbled as he closed in the space between their lips. He could taste the wine first but right after it was just sweet, like he always expected since all Ten did was eat sweets. Ten returned the kiss, just moving along the way he always dreamt he would. He began to thread his fingers through Johnny’s hair. Whether it was real or not didn’t matter much to Ten because then he felt like his body was on fire and his only saving grace was to keep kissing even if he couldn’t breathe. He pulled Johnny closer and smiled when the other groaned softly against his mouth.
“Stay,” Ten whispered when it was finally too much for him. Johnny laid next to him and pulled him close. Ten began to drift away to dreams where Johnny was his and he could hold his hand in public, he could rest his head on his lap while he watched basketball games that bore Ten to death but Johnny and chicken wings would always make him stay. When the morning light crept through the windows Ten began to feel a slight headache. His eyesight was blurry but when his eyes focused he realized he wasn’t in his room. He tried to sit but was kept in place by a pair of arms that held onto him strongly. Ten turned around within the embrace and when he found himself staring at Johnny he smiled and mustering all of his courage he gave Johnny a kiss.
“You’re gonna have to do that every morning from now on." Johnny smiled, eyes still closed.
"I think I can manage that," Ten replied. He would. "Now we gotta get up. Your parents are probably waiting for us."
"Mmm," Johnny finally opened his eyes. He brought Ten's face closer to his and kissed him softly. "Merry Christmas."