Work Text:
In the aftermath of Jun Wu’s defeat, Xie Lian keeps busy.
Xie Lian was used to wandering the lands - he had done so for eight hundred years, after all. Having no fixed home and but a few coins to his name, he was used to finding shelter wherever he could, never staying at a place for too long. But for the first time in a long, long time, Xie Lian finds himself wanting somewhere to return to. The desire to put down roots overwhelms him in a way he hasn’t felt for centuries, and Xie Lian succumbs to its call.
While he still collects scraps across the nearby villages, Xie Lian never strays too far from Mount Taicang anymore. There’s a cottage at the top of a hill, and Xie Lian has slowly begun to fill it with little comforts he hadn’t allowed himself in a long while.
An actual bed for two was the first thing he acquired. Then came a working kitchen, utensils for two, a writing desk with two seats...
Xie Lian wasn’t doing so consciously, but slowly the little cottage began transforming into something like a home, even if it was still missing the most important piece.
Xie Lian wasn’t worried. He knew it was only a matter of time before Hua Cheng returned.
In the days that pass, Xie Lian waits. He keeps busy, answering prayers that have started to trickle in, tending to his little shrine in Puqi village whenever he can, planting trees and a little garden, building little slices of a home that he hoped Hua Cheng would appreciate. There’s always something to do, something to improve on, and Xie Lian has got nothing but time.
In the still of the nights, Xie Lian writes.
--
1.
San Lang,
It’s been a month since we parted at Mount Tonglu - how have you been? I hope you’re getting all the rest you need to heal up!
I’ve been keeping well since then. I’m at Mount Taicang most days, and I’ve taken up residence at a cottage at the top of a hill. I built it myself! It’s not much now, but I’m doing all I can to make it cosy. I think you’ll like it.
I uprooted some flowering trees today, and replanted them along the road leading up to the cottage. They will be flowering soon, and I hope you’ll be able to see them when you return. I hope you know what they mean. Think of it as a humble offering - only the prettiest flowers for my Crimson Rain Sought Flower!
You’d enjoy the autumn, when you return. The maple trees have grown so well, and the fiery red of the land reminds me so much of the trees of my youth - I still remember them so clearly today - but now the maple-red only serves to remind me of you. Did your eyes light up in wonder when you first came to Mount Taicang, I wonder? Was little Hong Hong'er fascinated by what he saw?
There’s so much I don’t know about my San Lang - you were but a child when we first met, and while I saved you, I never really saw you. I regret so much of that now. Had I known the boy I saved, the soldier that fought for me, the little ghost fire that tried to protect me, the Wuming that died for me were one and the same - would things have changed? Could I have saved you a world of pain? Was I the reason you have suffered so much all these centuries, all the times you tried to protect me? I can’t help feeling maudlin, thinking that my misfortune caused you all this.
There are days like this I cannot help my thoughts, spiralling into the what-ifs only centuries of hindsight can offer. But I think about you, my San Lang, and I know you don’t want me to wallow. So instead, I write to you, and I pen down my passing thoughts so that I don’t forget any of them. I know you’d love to hear about them when you come back.
I know you’ll return, even if I don’t know when. The red thread around my finger is the strongest affirmation that you’re out there somewhere, and that you’ll find your way back to me. And as you have waited, I too will wait, even if it takes me a millennia.
Xie Lian
--
2.
San Lang,
You’d be amused to know that Ling Wen has been trying to involve me more in matters of the Heavenly Capital. She thinks she’s being subtle, but heavens, she couldn’t be more obvious.
Despite ascending thrice, I truly, truly have no desire to rule the heavens. I am not Jun Wu’s successor - I never have been, and will never be. How many ways do I have to spell it out before she gives up? I only wish to tend to my shrine, gather scraps like I’ve done these centuries, and wait for my San Lang’s return.
Thankfully, most of the heavenly officials that lingered in Mount Taicang while the Heavenly Capital was being rebuilt finally left last week, and the mountain is quieter than ever before. The peace is grounding. It helps.
Feng Xin and Mu Qing came to say goodbye before they left. I know you don’t like them very much because of the things that happened in the past, but I’m glad we finally got to this point after eight hundred years. They even promised to visit whenever they could (grumpily and grudgingly, of course), so when you return, make sure you try to get along with them okay? It’s... nice, to have company again.
Shi Qingxuan stops by sometimes too, always an excuse or two hanging off his lips, but I know he’s worried about me. They all are. I’m thankful, but they look at me sometimes like I’m something fragile - like I’ll break or wither away if I’m by myself. They’ve got nothing to worry about though - I’m more than capable of taking care of myself, and I’m more than used to passing time alone. Besides, I’m not truly alone anymore - I simply hold your crystal ring within my hands, the last bit of San Lang left on this earth, and I feel comforted that part of you is still here with me.
When you come back, let’s finally take that three year break the both of us deserve. We can wander the mortal realm, the ghost realm, even the heavenly capital if you wish - it doesn’t matter where we go if San Lang is with me.
San Lang... You might think me an old, sentimental fool but above all else, I think I want to find a place where I can finally call home. It would be nice to build a home with San Lang, wouldn’t it? Wherever you and I are, we can call it home. I know now why you insisted that your Paradise Manor, despite its grandeur, is merely a residence. I feel that way now, despite trying to make this cottage a home. It’s not quite right without you here.
Xie Lian
--
3.
My dear San Lang,
It might’ve been boredom, or perhaps I just wanted a glimpse of anything that reminded me of you, but I went to the Ghost City today. Your city is just as bustling as ever.
Before I knew it, my feet led me to Paradise Manor, and even though I knew full well you weren’t there, I went in anyway. For a moment I feared for your lack of security, because surely a Supreme Ghost King had no lack of enemies, but then I realised that your doors and arrays simply... welcomed me without question. San Lang ah! What is a poor man supposed to do with that information? Your sincerity will surely cause my heart to give out one of these days.
I wandered the halls and the gardens, getting a closer glimpse of how my San Lang lived all these years. You already understand my everything, and I only want to do the same for you. I hope one day I’ll get the privilege to do so. I left word with the servants in the manor that I was residing at Mount Taicang in case you returned there first, so you’d know where to find me.
Wandering the halls alone left me forlorn, so I took a detour to the market place before I left, and it warmed my heart to have all the little ghosts and demons running out to greet me as enthusiastically as they always do.
Cries of “Granduncle, you’re back again! Are you here to see Chengzu? Is Chengzu back?” and “No, Granduncle, are you here to stay for good? Chengzu would love that!” were so loud and so aplenty I couldn’t help but smile.
They kept shoving gifts and offers of service to me, claiming deference to their city’s Granduncle. San Lang, I’ve never felt so old! How could I possibly be called Granduncle? Some of these ghosts and demons must be older than I am! I protested as much as I could, but when they asked me what I preferred to be called, I faltered.
I am no longer a Crown Prince, so Dianxia just seems presumptuous.
I could ask them to call me Daozhang , but that doesn't quite fit either, and I don’t want to strike fear into the new ghosts and demons who don’t know I’m not going to harm them.
What else could I be known as? I didn’t just want to be known as Hua Chengzu’s Gege , it isn’t quite the right term, and I only want that endearment from you...
Then I realised what I truly wanted to be called, and San Lang, my entire face lit on fire - you’d be appalled at how shameless my loneliness without you has made me! I wanted them to call me... To call me...
I can’t, I can’t even put it in writing, my face isn’t thick enough for this.
When you come back, I’ll tell you. I’ll find ways to thicken my face, and I’ll tell you.
Your Xie Lian
--
4.
My San Lang,
Some days I feel not quite real, untethered and fleeting, wandering from task to task. I tore down the cottage and rebuilt it. I paved the paths in the mountain. I even got rid of the weeds in my gardens and fields. Yet, I still can’t scratch this restlessness that has seeped into my bones.
You know, in these past eight hundred years, I never really had a companion I could speak freely to. Ruoye is so good, but he’s still a spiritual tool, and it’s not like he can speak back. There were always people around, but I never quite allowed myself to get attached to anyone. I endured the silence as best I could, and never really found it wanting.
I find it wanting now.
Am I too greedy? Having tasted San Lang’s companionship, San Lang’s steadiness, I crave, and I crave more. You’ve given me so much already, but I always want more. Will San Lang find me too much to bear?
I know I said I would wait, but curiosity got the better of me today and I rolled your dice. I didn’t mean to rush you - I just wanted to find out what would happen if I did.
For once, it wasn’t snake eyes. I thought my luck had turned for the better - maybe San Lang’s good fortune has rubbed off on me and is here to stay! I held my breath and looked to the door, and despite knowing the futility of it, I hoped. Turns out, nothing happened. San Lang isn’t ready, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t trying his very best to get back to me. I know that. I know. This Gege has been properly chastised by an empty doorway.
San Lang ah, I never want to be without you. When you are back, you best be ready for a good long talk with me, because I am never, ever, ever going to let you hurt yourself to protect me ever again. These months alone have helped me realise that every time you seemingly got angry with me when I got hurt, it wasn’t because I was careless, but it was because my utter lack of regard for my own pain hurt you.
I’m sorry, San Lang. I understand that pain now - I understand it every time I wake up and you’re not by my side, every time I think about the three times you died for me and feel my heart tear itself apart. I know it’s not an easy lesson to learn, and healing is never linear, but one day I hope to make you see how precious you are to me, and how much I want to protect you too.
I will wait, and I will be patient, like San Lang always has been with me, and I can only hope one day my San Lang will see himself as I do - someone precious worth protecting too.
Your Xie Lian
--
5.
My San Lang,
It’s been almost a year. It’s barely a blip in time for us immortals, and it doesn’t even scratch the surface of how long you’ve waited for me, but tonight the ache is hard to bear. Sleep eludes me, and I find myself picking up a brush in hopes of easing my frayed nerves as I write to you.
I visited Puqi Shrine today to tend to the shrine and the grounds. I suppose I was feeling sentimental, retiring at the end of the day to the same mat we shared the first night we reunited. It feels foreign without you by my side.
I must have dozed off, but it couldn’t have been long before I woke up from a horrifying nightmare that tore screams from my throat and sobs from my body as I thrashed awake, my heart pounding so hard I thought I was dying.
In my dream I saw my greatest fear come to life - the red string of fate that bound us had broken, and the crystal ring that held your ashes had turned to dust in my hands.
My San Lang, in my vestiges of sleep I had thought you irrevocably gone, and the agony that tore through me felt worse than being pierced by a hundred swords. I was going crazy, tearing at my robes to find your ring, desperate to assure myself it wasn’t real.
Never before had my nightmares rendered me this shaken, gasping and in tears. I wanted so badly for you to be here, for you to soothe the fear away, but I was alone in the dark. At that moment when the pain threatened to overwhelm the walls I’ve been so scarcely holding up against my despair, I felt a warmth on my chest.
It was your ring, your crystal ring, a hint of warmth that was barely-there, but I felt it nonetheless.
Was it you, San Lang? Did you know? Did you feel me from wherever you were, and knew I needed you? That I needed to know you were still somewhere out there, making your way back to me? San Lang ah, San Lang...
You’ve always been there for me, haven’t you? All the centuries I had thought myself alone and forgotten, you were there, you believed in me, and you poured love and faith into every prayer. Even now, you’re reaching out to me. Though I’ve never been able to protect you, or bestow upon you any blessings despite your unending devotion, you never gave up on me.
I too, will never, ever give up on you.
It’s almost dawn now. I’ll try my best to pull myself back together again to face the coming day. San Lang, I will be strong for your sake. But San Lang, please, for the sake of your poor Gege’s heart, please come back soon.
Your Xie Lian
--
+1
My dear Gege,
My, my... What is this? Forgive this San Lang for being overeager and opening the letters addressed to him before Gege returns, but I couldn’t help myself. Has my Gege missed me so much in my absence that he has written heartfelt love letters to this unworthy San Lang? I’m truly, truly happy!
Gege, I came back as soon as I could, and I’m sorry I made you wait so long. I’m so sorry I caused you pain. I am here now, and I promise I am back for good. If you allow me to, I will never let my Gege endure being alone ever again.
I can't wait to see Gege again. I know you’re out right now but you’ll be back soon, and once you come over that little crest in the hills, you’ll spot the surprise this San Lang has prepared for you.
I hope your smile will light up like the thousands of lanterns I will always light for you, my Dianxia, my heart, my love, my Xie Lian.
Also... I hope I’m not being presumptuous but I think I know what you’d like to be called in the Ghost City - and if I’m right, you will make me the happiest man in all three realms, dead or alive.
I’ll ask you when you come home, Gege. I promise I’ll ask.
Your San Lang
--
It's a cool autumn night when Xie Lian drives up the mountain road in an ox cart he’s managed to buy.
The day had been a long but fruitful one, answering prayers and helping out the villagers. Xie Lian feels an odd sense of satisfaction at the large collection of junk and kind offerings of food that sat at the back of his cart.
The roads were much easier to traverse now, and Xie Lian hums a tune as he gently nudges the ox forward, thinking of what dishes he can make with the produce he's got. Maybe if he keeps practicing, his cooking might improve before Hua Cheng returns!
A small, warm light catches his attention out of the corner of his eye, and Xie Lian looks up at the sky to see the sun dipping, accompanied by little specks of light dotting the horizon, dancing in the gentle breeze.
Lanterns? Could it be already ShangYuan Jie?
The lanterns seem to come from the top of the hill, and as Xie Lian’s heart pounds as his cart travels closer. The roof of the cottage comes into view, and then, and then -
A tall, dark-haired man in maple-red robes stands at the courtyard with his back towards him, raising a lantern in reverence as it lifts from his slender fingers, seeking to join its companions in the sky.
Xie Lian no longer knows how to breathe. The ox cart grinds to a halt with how hard he’s gripping at the reins.
Desperation blooms in Xie Lian’s veins as he flings himself off the cart and suddenly he's running, all limbs and none of the grace of a martial god, and the sob that tears through his lungs wracks his body but he blinks the burning tears away, scrubbing them with the back of his sleeves so he can see , so he can keep him in sight.
Hua Cheng turns around, and he smiles with his entire being, lighting up brighter than all the lanterns behind him, and then he’s running too.
Xie Lian's sure he's using spiritual energy now, limbs enhanced to shorten the time to cross the distance, a single second too much to bear, too long to spend away from his beloved when he's finally back, finally here .
Xie Lian leaps forward and launches himself into Hua Cheng's arms, the sheer force of it knocking his beloved half a step back. Hua Cheng chuckles, holding Xie Lian just as tightly around his waist, pressing fervent kisses in his hair, his temple, his cheek. Xie Lian burrows his face in Hua Cheng’s neck and exhales shakily, holding on so tightly it would crush a lesser man.
Hua Cheng holds him just as fiercely, a content sigh escaping his lips a breath later.
“Welcome home, Gege,” he says, and Xie Lian melts in his arms.
It took about eight hundred years, but Xie Lian is finally, finally home.