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Everyone had their highs and lows. Everyone.
Rei just could not understand though as to why his was lasting for so long.
He was in a slump, that much was clear by the lack of sleep and long nights he had been enduring. His grades had started slipping up, nothing too major for most kids but an entire letter grade was enough to send Rei into a panic. He had been set into a frenzy to improve his grades, but the huge slump that hung over his head seemed to prevent that. And that brought him down even lower.
He knows when it started. He's thought it about for days and days now. It constantly plague his thoughts like a disgusting disease. It holds his mind hostage all the time.
Nagisa kinda just dropped him.
At least that's what it felt like. Of course Nagisa didn't drop him, however seeing the blonde less and less made him feel that way. It wasn't that he was being ignored. He saw Nagisa everyday at school and at swim practice. But the look in his eyes when HE appeared.
They all got that look. That glazed look that spoke of old memories coming to the surface. And at the sound of HIS voice did they rush over and fawn over. Nagisa would rush over and jump atop his back, Haru would send meaningful looks his way, while Makoto pried Nagisa off.
They all gathered around the boy with the shark toothed grin while Rei was left behind.
He knew that he was merely a replacement the beautiful red haired boy. And a shoddy replacement at that. He was nowhere near as majestic and cool. But thankfully they had Rin back. And now Rei could just fade away for awhile.
But not yet. It was too noisy. Too loud. There were too many chattering voices on the train for him to fade.
Nagisa sat next to him. It had been a while since the two had rode home together. Nagisa had been spending more and more at Rin's house than anyone else. The blonde talked and talked and talked, and Rei started to wonder if the blonde would ever stop.
"Hey! Rei-chan? Are you listening?"
Rei looked down to the boy, whose arms were crossed and cheeks puffed in annoyance.
"Of course Nagisa." The words came out heavy on his tongue. Lately every time he spoke it felt as if sludge was just pouring out in a long continuous stream.
Dark pink eyes peered up at him carefully, and Rei felt as if he were being pulled apart and exposed.
"Rei-chan, you know if you ever-"
The train jerked to a stop and Rei abruptly stood up. He rushed off the train with a half hearted goodbye and the most fake smile he could muster to which Nagisa happily smiled back too.
Rei went and concluded that he was a selfish loser. Absolutely selfish. How dare he wish for Nagisa's attention and affection when he didn't even deserve it! He was selfish selfish selfish. Nagisa certainly deserved better, more honest friends. The boy was probably wishing for him to disappear anyway.
And Rei would.
He would disappear.
For his friends.
Because it was the right thing to do.