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"describe blue."
"hmm," yoongi thinks. "blue has a lot of different hues. the value scale is beautiful, with every single color arising a unique emotion." he turns to lay on his side and ruffles a hand through jeongguk's wind-blown hair.
jeongguk catches it and laces their fingers, looking in yoongi's general direction. he's asked him these type of questions about sight before. like, "how high up are airplanes?" and "exactly how big are elephants?" yoongi answers them as thoroughly as possible, and tries to think of it as a brain teaser. he reminds himself that this is jeongguk's normal. that he's never known anything different.
sometimes yoongi will ask why he never bothers his other friends about the things like this. he answers that he just likes the way his hyung thinks.
he continues, "i'll start with baby blue. it's the color of the sky. i'd say it reminds everyone of air, but it reminds me of a child. a child who's just learned how to drink out of a straw. innocent, pure, and fresh." jeongguk looks back up at the world above them, mouth parted.
"normal blue is... harsh. i don't care for it too much. it's there, and it's bright." yoongi pauses and says, in obvious mockery, "people say that it's the color of the ocean. it's not though. the ocean is a duller, deeper blue. sometimes it's a dull green when you're in the shallower end."
jeongguk squeezes his hand, interrupting his description. "can you see through the ocean, or is it a solid color?" he asks.
yoongi didn't even think about how that would be question. it's different when you experience the world exactly how it is.
"depends. you can see through it when it's in a clear cup. probably has to do with how there's only a small amount. but you can't in the ocean. sometimes on the shoreline you can see through it." as an afterthought he adds, "i've seen little fish before when i've went to the beach. they like to weave through your legs, but you can never feel them."
he smiles softly at the nostalgia from when he was child, and he watches as jeongguk mirrors it back. their friends like to joke about how they can sense each other's emotions.
jeongguk turns to lay facing towards him, and yoongi's breath catches. he's the most beautiful person he's ever met, and his eyes could forever trace the structure of his face. "keep going."
"navy blue. it's a darker shade, deeper than the ocean. it's not as black as when you close your eyes, like a few notches lighter. this is what i think of when i hear people say royalty blue. it's regal, and it's personally a favorite of mine," the younger scoffs at this, so he hits his shoulder in retaliation.
"sorry, that's just so you. continue," jeongguk giggles. his nose scrunches, and yoongi has to fight the urge to boop it.
he thinks for a second about which would come naturally next. "i guess the last one would be indigo. on the rainbow it's between blue and violet. i'm going to assume there's some red added to mix. that one's even darker than navy blue. "
yoongi pauses to think about a conceptual way to describe it, thankful for jeongguk's patience.
"it's... it's melancholy. it's pondering melancholy. indigo feels like when taehyung starts to talk about the vastness of the universe. or the period of time you lose when you fall asleep. or when the initial heartbreak is over, and life begins to feel empty." he could've stopped there. "it's so lonely, although it's second to the loneliness of grey. it's loneliness, with all the other negative feelings involved with it.
"indigo's color could go in a lot of different directions, but it's all the same vibe. melancholy, deep-thinking, depression, loneliness. obviously without all of the romanticization. when indigo decides to hurt, it's hurts in a different way than most other colors. that's the most fitting to the term 'feeling blue'. all the other blues are nicer. indigo's aesthetically pleasing to look at but-"
"it's okay, that's enough, hyung," jeongguk interrupt softly. his eyes take a second to refocus in the moment before he realizes that there're silent tears running down the other's cheeks.
his heart hurts, and yoongi can think of nothing else to do other than crawl on top of him and bury his face in his neck. he feels the previous tear tracks along the side of it, and squeezes jeongguk's torso from where he wrapped his arms under him.
jeongguk's finger is twirling a strand of yoongi's hair, something he's noticed he does to people he's close to as a way to calm down. only a few months ago has he started doing it to him too.
it's silent, for yoongi's never been good at being able to comfort people with words. he's much better at hugging them, letting them feel his presence. he figured out it worked better than filling their minds up with words that'll only feel meaningless in that raw moment.
he remembers to even out his breathing, taking deeper breaths and exhaling hard enough for jeongguk to be able to feel it against his skin.
yoongi doesn't move until he feels the body relax under him. he can't help but tighten his grip around him, his face pressing even closer to against him.
he feels jeongguk's hand lower, one still twisted in his hair and the other sliding down to the small of his back.
"hyung?" he says it so softly that he might've not have heard him if his lips weren't so close to his ear.
yoongi hums, ready to listen.
"i'm not sad that i can't see colors," jeongguk says, voice clearer and louder than yoongi thought it would've been. "i haven't really told you about this, but i used to feel like indigo a lot. not anymore, so don't worry," he guesses he didn't mask the concern coursing through his body as well as he thought he did. "it was when i got older, around middle school. people continued to baby me, and my parents never stopped their coddling. that's partially why i'm working out. gotta get swoll to prove to them that i'm a big boy."
yoongi rolls his eyes, knowing in the back of his mind that jeongguk was trying to lighten his heavy mood through humor.
"it bothered me a lot when i got older, so i retreated. we do that a lot, y'know? especially when they start asking demeaning questions. a lot more people than you would think ask if there's a cure for blindness. of course there's not a cure! if there's a cure, i wouldn't be blind," he tsks, and yoongi giggles. he knows jeongguk's not actually upset.
the younger pats his head, which yoongi thinks should definitely be the other way around in terms of comfort. "anyway, that's why we tend to become stoic and withdrawn. i've learned to push down my emotions, even the happier ones. i've grown out of it, but, fuck, it's hard coming back from a dark place. i'm lucky to have found our friends when i did."
yoongi still remembers when namjoon first brought him along to meet the others. it was a little over a year ago, and the six of them were all already friends before he was introduced. the earliest friendship was between jimin and taehyung. jeongguk was with them shortly after due to going to the same high school and all having a common interest in american ballads. with jeongguk came hoseok, a friend of his who was visually impaired. hoseok brought seokjin and namjoon, and through association, also came along yoongi.
jeongguk was never shy around the others, so yoongi was a little surprised when he turned out to be a little reserved towards him. at first he thought it was because he didn't like him. after a week of misplaced anxiety, namjoon told him it was because jeongguk had listened to most of his songs beforehand on soundcloud, and had been obsessed with a few for awhile now.
they grew closer once they figured out they were both introverts with a lot in common, and yoongi only recently realized that he considers jeongguk as one of his closets friends. not only emotionally, but physically too.
they're often drawn to sitting next to each other whenever the seven of them go out. jeongguk also never hesitates to grab a hold of his hand whenever they're in a crowded area. (yoongi doesn't like to read too much into it, but jeongguk hardly ever reaches for the others anymore). he's developed a habit of coming up and hugging yoongi from behind while he's cooking. they've even started to cuddle more often.
it's an unspoken bond, and now, he rarely overthinks about their friendship and if it could ever lead to anything more. he's content with being friends with him for now.
at this thought, yoongi somehow manages to squeeze him even tighter. he's never felt the urge to comfort another person as much as in that moment. he's never imagined how the sweet man beneath him could've possibly ever been withdrawn. shy, he understands, but never withdrawn.
jeongguk's still shy nowadays, but he never second guesses speaking about what's on his mind. knowing that they've helped him, gratitude for the other five floods through him.
"i'm so happy you found them," yoongi whispers against his neck.
"i'm also lucky to have found you," he says, wrapping the hand that was placed against the small of his back around his waist, pulling yoongi even closer. his heart races and he subconsciously tenses up.
jeongguk takes it the wrong way, mistaking his flustered state for bring uncomfortable. he loosens his grip, but yoongi stops it immediately with a whiny, " no ." he doesn't want him to let him go yet. if he's being honest with himself, he could stay in jeongguk's arms forever.
he'd never tell him that, though. he knows the younger would never let him forget it.
"hyung?"
"mhm."
"thanks for never belittling me or treating me differently."
yoongi lifts his head to look at him properly, and he hopes that he can hear the fond smile that made its way onto his face. "you don't have to thank me for that, jeongguk-ah. that's basic human decency."
yoongi rests his chin on his chest, staring the curve of his nose and the line of his jaw. "god, you're beautiful." shit, he didn't mean to say that. "um, i mean that, i mean that you're uh, yknow uh..." he trails off, feeling the chest under him shake.
he looks up and sees jeongguk laughing. is he laughing at him? oh god, does he think he's weird? it's not like they haven't complimented each other before.
he's overthinking again.
but maybe his overthinking is right for once.
"hyung," jeongguk pulls him out of his thoughts. "i didn't know you were so shallow," he says with that stupidly hot smirk of his.
"'m not shallow," yoongi grumbles, burying his head back in the place it was before. he's mortified. he should never be allowed to speak ever again.
"i'm just teasing," jeongguk says. the hand that was still in his hair gently pulls yoongi's head away from where it was hiding.
he builds up the nerve to look back up at him. his eyebrows are furrowed, and his eyes are staring intensely through him. he can't look away, especially when jeongguk's looking at him with his "third-eye".
(jimin made it up the saying as a joke, but it stuck around since it made so much sense. jeongguk does have a knack for reading people's vibes.)
"jimin and taehyung like to tell me how pretty you are."
yoongi inhales sharply, eventually rasping out a, "they're just being mean. don't believe everything they say."
"no, i believe them," jeongguk says sadly. yoongi frowns at that, not understanding why. "they're not the only ones who say it. i know all about the men who try to get you at school. isn't there a professor who you have wrapped around your finger?" jeongguk tilts his head. "honestly, i'm not surprised."
yoongi blushes, and it's as if jeongguk can sense it with the way he slides his hand down to cup his cheek. "don't get so bold, jeon jeongguk," is all he can think of to say, holding back every once of his love that could've possibly fallen out of his mouth.
"don't get so bold, huh? okay."
"oh my god, no!" yoongi already knows where he's going with this.
"i've told you this before, but you're voice is so calming. i could swim in it," he stops, and laughs. "get it? since we were talking about the ocean earlier?" yoongi groans, and he thankfully moves on. "that's probably what makes you beautiful to me, your voice. oh! and your amazing hugs. who would've known the coolest hyung would've been just the right size for cuddling?"
and with an "ugh!" yoongi sits up on his lap and makes to stand up. jeongguk grabs him before he can get far and pulls him back down, hugging him in to his chest.
"no, hyung! stay," as if it was possible for him to ever leave.
"fine," yoongi mumbles.
it's quiet after that, and they let the silence engulf them. well, yoongi does. he can tell jeongguk has more to say. he busies himself with tracing the pattern on the chest of his long sleeved shirt. it looks like a baby dragon. jeongguk flexes under him, stopping his ministrations.
"stop," he says, his voice and tone deeper than normal.
should he not have done that? yoongi probably made him uncomfortable. he feels the anxiety start to bubble in his stomach. "i'm sorry," he says quietly.
"stop," he repeats. "before i keep falling more in love."
"what?" yoongi's head shoots up to look at him disbelief. "what're you talking about?" there's no way he heard that right.
"i said," jeongguk sits up, therefore making yoongi sit up with him. "stop, before i keep falling more in love."
so he did hear him right.
wait, "keep falling more in love?" yoongi's hands are hanging at his sides, and he feels jeongguk's run up the sides of his thighs and rest at his waist.
"yeah," his smile crinkles his unseeing eyes. "didn't think it was possible to fall more in love with you."
jesus-fucking-christ, this man cannot be real. "i didn't even do anything..."
jeongguk huffs in disagreement. "everything you do makes me fall more in love. the way you indulge me with my stupid questions-" yoongi interrupts to mutter that they're never stupid , "- and you always answer them in a clear way that i can somehow understand. the way you always try your hardest to make sure i'm comfortable. the way you never dismiss me. the way you always help me feel included in conversations, or quietly explain what's going on whenever it deals with sight.
"the way you let me reach out to you instead of automatically assuming that i'm going to need help. the way you understand me in a way that most of the people i've met don't and," jeongguk closes his eyes, inhales. "and i love you."
yoongi's never been good with words. he'd rather comfort someone through a hug, let them feel his presence.
so he does what he does best. he puts his left hand on the nape of jeongguk's neck, and the right on his bicep. he leans in closer, and basks in feeling of jeongguk's breathing getting harsher against his lips.
he almost forgets to whisper "i love you too" before bridging the gap between them.