Work Text:
Can’t It Be Me?
When you cry because of sadness,
The one who could cry together with you
Even when everyone in the world turns their back on you
The first person who holds your hand
Whenever you call, I will rush to you
Why don’t you know that person is me?
"Perrik, I love you. I wish I could announce it to the whole world you are mine." Erudian gently kissed Perrik's neck, slowly going down to his hands, then stands upright, still with his lips kissing the back of his closest assistant hand. His jam colored eyes gazing into his eyes so full of love.
"You can't say that Your Majesty. It will only serve to hurt your reputation. But…" He protested, all the while cupping Erudian's pouting face before kissing him.
"I love you too, Your Highness," Perrik says breathlessly. His heart beating so erratically that he felt he might die of a heart attack. It has been 5 years since they become lovers. He wishes this love will last forever. He doesn't care if he has to be his shadow lover. He just wanted to be with the one he loves.
Oh, how wrong he was. He would never think his heart will be broken to pieces by the one he loves with his whole heart.
…
When he went outside to greet his lover, he sees the princess being held in bridal style in Erudian’s arm. His smile went downwards but he tries his best to rein in his jealousy.
It's nothing he assumed since they say the princess has a weak constitution.
Because in the end Erudian went to his side after that and they spend time together as lovers. If he feels like the intimacy between them lessened by a bit, he makes no words of it. His Highness might be exhausted dealing with the princess and Lady Elard.
…
“Where did you went to earlier your Highness?” Perrik asked when they were together in the King’s office. He misses his lover. Erudian just seems like doesn’t have time anymore for him. He just buries himself in works these days
“I was having some tea with the princess. She was very stubborn. She… felt like a small kitten.”
Was that fondness he sees in his eyes? He sees the small smile paving their way to Erudian's cold face. Maybe Erudian was getting curious because it's not every day you see someone like the princess in Belgoth.
Erudian motioned for him to come closer and pulls him to his lap. Perrik absent-mindedly caressing Erudian's hair down to his scalps. Gently he massaged his head earning satisfied grunts from Erudian. Perrik then hugs Erudian's shoulder before licking and kissing his lips. They ended up spending the entire evening making love to each other.
But still, Perrik felt anxious.
Can’t I be the one? Really can’t I be the one?
Every day, I would make you smile
The one who will watch over you until the end
Can’t I be the one?
When you stumble because of pain
The one who holds you from being hurt
The one who embraces your scars
The one who only looking at you
The person who would happy even lose everything for you
Why don’t you know that person is me?
…
He trusted him to be faithful. To honor his promises to him that they shared under the beautiful moonlight.
Their kisses behind the curtains
Their intimate moments in the shadows away from prying eyes
And he was content with that
Because he knows he loves him
And he loves him
No other people need to know
…
That's how it should be…Right?
You are the one I want
You are the one I really want to reach
The reason I was able to go through the hard times
Because you were with me because I could love you
…
When he sees Erudian carrying the princess that morning he felt like something was wrong. The princess was pale and look like she was dying and his lover look like he wants to lash out towards everyone… Including him.
"Your highness-" Perrik tries to pull his lover after he asked him the whereabouts of Lady Elard but to his despair, Erudian went past him without a moment of hesitation. The expression on his face was the one that made Perrik paralyzed in shock.
Why?
Why are you making that face?
His heart felt faint. He knows those eyes. That eye was full of love. Erudian eyes were full of love. The one that Erudian always have wherever he sees Perrik.
But it wasn’t for him this time. It wasn’t for Perrik.
It was for the princess in his bedroom chamber. Princess Yereninovica. Erudian loves her.
Perrik collapsed next to the wall in despair and he knows.
His Highness, this time won’t be there to reassure him of his love.
Can I wait for you? Can I see you?
…
He should've acknowledged the hidden smiles, the sweet, sweet gaze his lover sees her wherever she is around. Their short but intimate shared moments wherever they are together but he calms himself. Maybe he was being paranoid. His Highness would never hurt him like that. That was what he believed.
His beliefs ultimately betrayed him
It hurts. It hurts so much.
His tears couldn’t stop falling. He cursed him and he cursed himself for believing his lies.
…
He hides behind the curtains watching His Highness and the princess's grand wedding. After the incident of the princess collapsing, his greatest fear came true. Weeks after that, Erudian came looking for him.
To break up.
He accepts it without a word. He was exhausted. He did try to mend their love. He tried to win back his love but at last, he lost Erudian's love.
He thought their love would last forever.
But he forgets that there is no such thing as a happy ending for love such as their's. He was the King of Belgoth and he was just a measly assistant and a male that couldn't bear an heir for him.
He smiles sorrowfully.
Until the day you come to me
Like the tears of my last moment, you are the only one I remember
Can’t you be my love?
Can’t you stay with me?
…
He was the fool
He believe, believes, and believed despite the signs
…
And now he paid the price.