Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It had been seven years since Edward Elric had seen the gate. And he couldn't be happier about it.

Seeing the gate meant nothing but bad things, after all. It meant everything was in danger, especially himself. Not having seen the gate in that long was his own personal triumph, a reminder that that life was behind him now and he'd never have to go back. He liked where he was now, and he had no reason to want to change it, so why would he ever see the gate, anyway?

Sure, not having alchemy had been... rough to adjust to at first. There had been a time back when it had still felt like a loss where he had broken a plate and screamed when he had realized he couldn't fix it. But then Winry had come along and shown him why she loved doing what she did, how she knew how to take that plate and carefully glue the pieces back together and make it into something... new. Not broken, but not unbroken, either.

That had been the moment when Ed had decided to ask her to marry him.

Of course, it hadn't been exactly the way it had played out because he was still a stupid eighteen-year-old who had never been given a chance to properly socialize with his peers. But they had still managed to get where they wanted to go, building this life together. Even though Ed always felt like he was going to die of embarrassment every time Winry told the story of his proposal to someone else, he couldn't help but feel a warm spark in his chest at the way her eyes lit up when she told the story, how she would glance over at him and give him the biggest, most genuine smile.

See that happiness? He would say to himself. I don't know how, but that's because of you, you dumbass. Somehow, she's that happy just because she loves you that much.

Then there was Theodore and Azami. Somehow he was at least a little responsible for those two beautiful, intelligent little... miracles. He honestly didn't even understand how such great kids could somehow be related to him. But it was pretty obvious just at first glance that they were his kids, what with those same bright golden eyes. They were both bright and curious, but he had also seen them have moments where it was clear they had a strong sense of empathy and good morals. Somehow, somehow, he had to actually be doing something right.

Honestly, life was pretty good. Which made it all the more annoying that Ed couldn't quite place the nagging feeling at the back of his mind. It was like some sort of itch that he couldn't quite scratch, because he wasn't even really sure what was itching in the first place. He tried his best to just ignore it. After all, maybe it was just another bit of trauma bubbling to the surface, or maybe it was because his birthday was coming up again, and something about that always set him on edge for whatever reason. Whatever it was, Ed knew that focusing on it would just turn his life into chaos again, and since that was the last thing he wanted, he decided not to give the feeling any heed. His subconscious could work it out on its own.

The day that changed everything had started like any other day. Ed was up before anyone else in the house, before even the sun, all so he could walk into town and arrive at the market right as the farmers were opening their stalls, the sun just barely beginning to peek over the horizon. Then it was back to the house with an armful of fresh groceries for the day, breakfast already cooking by the time he heard Teddy and Zaza beginning to stir.

Making breakfast had become one of Ed's favorite parts of the day, since sometimes it was the last quiet moment he would have until everyone was in bed. Besides, it reminded him of all the times he had stumbled into the kitchen as a kid and his mom slid him a plate of freshly scrambled eggs before he had even thought about breakfast.

After the entire house had eaten, the house always turned to chaos, and Ed found himself pulled from one thing to the next without a chance to even think. Win always had a quick check-in with him over breakfast over who was supposed to show up for an appointment that day. She would go off to the workshop and start working on whatever orders needed to be finished, while Ed would sit with the kids, answer the phone, check in anyone who showed up for an appointment, and ran extra supplies to Winry whenever she called.

Then he would make lunch, feed the kids, put them down for a nap, and then bring lunch to Winry in the workroom so she would actually remember to eat at some point. He would always bring his lunch along as well (there was no eating food for yourself around toddlers), and they would chat while Winry told him about what she had been working on.

Back when he had been stuck in Central waiting for Al to recover enough to handle the trip home and Winry had been stuck in Rush Valley finishing her apprenticeship, they had talked on the phone every other day. One time Winry had started ranting to him about something she couldn't get right with her current project no matter how many times she'd tried to fix it.

"Well, why don't you explain it to me, then?" Ed had said with a shrug, even if she couldn't see it over the phone.

"What? But you don't know anything about automail!"

"Yeah, that's the point. Alchemists do it all the time when they're working out a theory. Explaining something forces your brain to think about something differently. You're way more likely to catch your mistakes."

So she had explained her design to him, even though Ed had only the slightest idea what she was talking about. And sure enough, partway through the conversation, she'd had a sudden flash of inspiration and had hurriedly said goodbye to Ed so she could go try it on her model. When it worked, she had come back swearing up and down by Ed's model. She'd been telling him about anything she was struggling with in her automail ever since then. It was one of Ed's favorite parts of the day, seeing her eyes light up as she showed off her newest design to him, explained how adding a curve here could reduce the weight by 30%, thirty percent, Edward, that's significant!

But right as he was leaning over the blueprint, asking if adding a ball bearing there would reduce some of the wear and tear, of course they were suddenly interrupted from the conversation by the sudden giggling screams of a couple very awake children. They would always exchange that smile of "What can you do?" before each grabbing their coffee and going back to work. Ed would go take the kids and dog for a walk while Winry would sit and wonder if maybe that ball bearing idea actually had some merit.

And then the second half of the day wouldn't be much different from the first. Make sure Teddy and Zaza don't get into trouble, tell Winry when her clients show up, make dinner, remind Winry that she has to put the automail down at some point, please, put the kids to bed, and then chat with Winry over another cup of coffee as he waited for his nightly phone call from Al.

But that night, Al's call happened to be half an hour late.

"Would you stop glancing at the phone like that?" Winry said with a sigh as she stood up and took his glass. "I'm sure Al is fine. He probably just forgot to call."

"Al calls me every night," Ed said with a sigh. "He wouldn't just forget for no reason."

"I know," Winry said with a shake of her head, calling over her shoulder as she went into the kitchen. "Do you want a cup of coffee?"

"Sure," Ed grumbled, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. "I'm going to need something to stay up."

"You can go to bed, you know. Al would know he was calling later than normal, he wouldn't blame you for going to bed."

"Well, yeah, but I can't sleep when I'm worri—"

He was cut off in the middle of the sentence by the ring of the phone. Ed lunged for the phone and shoved it against his ear before it even had a chance to ring a second time.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Brother—"

Ed let out a deep breath, pressing a hand against his chest. "Oh, Al! Thank goodness! I was—"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I should have called sooner!"

"No, no, it's fine, I was just worried something had happened to you!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Brother, I didn't notice the time! I just got so distracted I didn't think—" Ed frowned as he heard soft laughter and clinking of glasses in the background. Was Al at some sort of party or something?

"I actually have something important to tell you," Al continued. Ed frowned a little and gripped the phone, wondering if maybe something really was wrong. After all, even if Al said everything was fine, he was still calling late. Maybe if it had been Ed calling that sort of forgetfulness would be normal, but if Al said he was going to call at a certain time, he didn't just lose track of time and "forget."

"Well, um," Al continued, and Ed swore he could practically see Al twisting his hands together just based on how nervous his voice sounded. "I actually proposed to Mei today."

"Oh." Ed frowned, his brain putting two and two together based on Al's disappointed tone. "Oh, Al, I'm so sorry."

"What? No, Brother, she said yes!"

Ed snorted and looked at the phone with a frown. "What? Then why do you sound so upset? That's great news, Al!"

"Do you want sugar?" Winry called from the kitchen. Ed grinned and put a hand over the phone.

"Yeah, thanks Win! Al and Mei got engaged!"

"Aw, that's cute!"

"Win says you're cute," Ed said, still grinning widely as he turned his attention back to the phone. "So when are you two moving out here, anyway?"

"See, that's what I wanted to talk to you about, Brother. Mei's a princess, so—"

"Oh, right!" Ed said with a laugh. "So does that mean you're going to be a prince now?"

"Not exactly, but—"

"Well, what are you going to be if not a prince?"

"Brother," Al snapped. "I'm trying to say that we're not going to move out to Resembool."

"Oh." Ed blinked as Winry shoved a hot cup of coffee in his free hand. "So, what, Mei's got to wrap up loose ends or something first?"

"No," Al sighed. "No, Brother. She's a princess. She's never going to be able to finish up wrapping loose ends here. We have to stay in Xing."

"Oh."

Ed blinked at the phone, a long moment of silence passing between them. He could still hear the muffled sound of clinking glasses and laughter in the background, and it suddenly made sense. Of course people would be celebrating when a princess got engaged.

"But... I would never see you," Ed finally said, his voice coming out almost as a whisper.

"Ling says that if you and Winry would like, you're welcome to move out to Xing. He says he would prepare space for you in the palace... Winry could continue her automail business. And we would technically be living in the same house again."

"But..." Ed frowned and took a sip of his coffee. "We'd... We'd have to give up everything. This has been Winry's home her entire life. Teddy and Zaza would be living in a new country with a new language. All of Winry's clients..."

"I know, Brother. I'm so sorry."

"Well, what's the other option?" Ed said, taking another sip of coffee.

"Um... both of us staying where we are, living in different countries, I guess. We'd probably get a chance to visit you a couple of times a year, and then if you could come out here we could see each other a couple more times probably."

Ed's fingers tightened on the mug handle. "I always thought we would be able to see each other more often after we both settled down, not less."

"Yeah, me too," Al said with a weak chuckle. There was a slight pause before he added, "I'm sorry, Brother."

"No, no," Ed said with a shake of his head. "You have nothing to apologize for, Al. You love her. You absolutely should marry the girl you love. I'm happy for you."

"You are?"

"Yeah, of course," Ed said, cracking a grin that didn't reach his eyes. He put his coffee down on the side table next to the phone, then reached up and gripped the fabric of his shirt. "I never said congratulations, huh? Congratulations, Al. This is a big step. I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks, Brother," Al said with a deep sigh of relief, and Ed could tell he had been nervous that Ed would get upset.

"Hey, I've got to talk with Winry about what we're going to do, but why don't you just go enjoy yourself? It sounds like there's quite the party going on for you two. We'll get to talk tomorrow."

"Are you sure? You're okay?"

"I'm fine," Ed said with a snort. "Don't worry about me. We'll talk more tomorrow. You should enjoy yourself. Give your fiancée a kiss."

"Alright," Al said with a laugh. "Love ya, Brother."

"Love you too," Ed said with a soft smile, listening to the cheer of the party as Al turned away from the phone right before the sound cut off with a soft click.

"You okay?" Winry said. Ed turned around to face her, trying to crack a grin at her as a silent tear fell down his cheek.

"Yeah, it's fine," he said, right as Winry sprang to her feet and rushed over to wrap him in a hug.

Ed had been sure Winry would absolutely put her foot down and say no to the idea of a move to Xing, but once he had explained the situation, she was actually more open to the idea than he was.

"I mean, I would have to find someone who would be willing to take over here," she said, pacing as she talked. "This is the only automail place around for several cities, so I would hate for people to suddenly have to travel that much more just for some maintenance, but as long as there was someone here... Well, I could help build automail from the ground up in Xing. Do you know how exciting that is?"

"Okay," Ed said, gripping the fabric over his shirt a little tighter. His cold cup of coffee still sat on the side table. "But what about the kids? They'd have to learn a whole new language."

"Sure," Winry said. "But that's also supposed to be good for kids. And besides, better to do it now when they'll just soak all that language up like a sponge. It'll just get harder for them the older they get."

Ed's grip tightened a little more. The room spun a little. "So you think we should do it? You think we should just pack up everything and move to an entirely new country?"

"I think it would be good for us," Winry said, sitting down and putting a hand on Ed's arm. "And I especially think it would be good for you and Al. You two need each other."

"But I finally just made peace with having a stable life," Ed said with a groan. "Now I have to let go of everything we've built here and just... pick up and start all over again?"

"I never thought I would see the day," Winry said with a small laugh and a shake of her head. "Do you mean to tell me that the wild Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, actually wants to stay in one place and is scared of a little adventure?"

"I'm not scared!" Ed snapped. It felt like the room was closing in on him. "I just... I just need some time to adjust. I just... need to process things. I need a walk."

"Okay," Winry said, patting his chest and giving him a kiss on his head. "I'm going to get ready for bed. Don't stay out too long, okay?"

"Okay," Ed said with a weak smile, giving her hand a squeeze.

"We'll figure it out," Winry said, giving his hand a squeeze back. "I love you, okay?"

"I love you too," Ed murmured, and then she was off to take her end of day shower while he put on his coat and boots.

Outside was brisk, but it didn't seem to help much. Ed still felt dizzy, and that painful ache in his chest hadn't managed to go away, so he decided to go where he always went when his heart was hurting: To go talk to his mom.

Ed didn't really like believing in superstition, though he still wasn't sure what to believe after everything he'd been through. He still wasn't sure whether the Gate was proof an afterlife absolutely did exist, or proof that it absolutely did not exist. And he knew that a body wasn't the only definition of a person, and that therefore a person's remains were essentially worthless, because it wasn't like the grave where his mom was buried was actually his mom. It just happened to hold something that had once been a part of her.

But still, Ed liked feeling like he was able to keep her up to date on what was happening in his and Al's lives. He still wasn't sure exactly what he believed, even all these years later, but he at least knew that talking to his mom had always been deeply comforting. No matter what was true of the afterlife, talking to his mom's grave was worth it just for how much it seemed to help him. No other techniques had ever been able to work quite as well.

But that time, Ed had been sitting silently in front of her for several minutes before he finally found the courage to speak.

"I guess Al's growing up," Ed finally said with a sigh. "He's going to be getting married. And... And I don't really know if there's going to be as much room for me in his new life."

Ed's heart clenched again, and he bit his lip, pressing his hand against his chest.

It was then that he realized that the dizziness wasn't getting better, it was actually getting worse. And when he focused, it felt like his vision was a little darker, like someone was slowly fading out all the lights in the world until it would be only darkness. Ed felt a bit of panic set in at the back of his mind. Shit. Hadn't Winry once said something about being careful with dizziness and chest pain because it might be a heart attack and not just anxiety? Wasn't there something he was supposed to do?

Ed struggled to his feet, intending to run back into town, at least somewhere a little less secluded. But instead of staying on his feet, he got hit with a wave of dizziness, falling down in the grass.

He only had a brief moment to laugh at the irony that his mother's grave might be the last thing he would see before the world faded to dark.

In the next moment, the world was suddenly bright again. Bright and empty. Ed could no longer feel the ache in his heart he had just been feeling, but he swore he could feel his stomach drop to his feet. That is, if he even had a stomach here. He had never thought he would see this place again. Or at least, he had hoped that would be the case.

But this time he hadn't done anything worth landing himself here. Unless...

Unless this really was the afterlife. Unless he really had a heart attack just a few minutes before and now he was... Ed's head spun wildly. But what about Winry? What about Teddy and Zaza? He couldn't just leave his kids when they were still toddlers. Even his own mother had been able to stick around longer than that, he couldn't leave them, not yet, not yet—!

"Truth!" Ed shouted, spinning in the white space and desperately looking for a sign of something, anything. Where was the actual Gate? Or was that gone because he had sacrificed it? Oh god, would he have had a few years more if he hadn't done that transmutation where he sacrificed a few years of his life? He hadn't thought he would only live to be twenty-three, goddammit! He had thought he had been shaving a couple of years off of something like sixty or seventy, not twenty-three. Was it just that he would have only lived about as long as his mom if he hadn't meddled?

"Truth please!" Ed screamed, his voice cracking on the words. "Any price you need, anything, please, I'll pay it! My kids don't deserve this! Please, I have to go back!"

In the end, it all boiled down to a single question, asked in that blank canvas of a space.

Are you happy with how it all turned out, Alchemist?

The answer was out of him without thought, before he'd even had a chance to know what he was saying.

No!

It had been four years since Edward Elric had seen the gate. And it was killing him inside a tiny bit.

The irony wasn't lost him. He could still remember a time in his life where he had honestly hoped he would never see the gate again. He had once associated it with everything wrong in his life. But now that damn gate was all that stood between him and home.

He couldn't even fully explain why he even wanted to go home in the first place. Theoretically, he had everything he had ever wanted. Al had his body back, and he even got to know Al was safe. Hell, they even got to be in the same world, which was honestly more than Ed had counted on. Sure, he didn't have his alchemy, or all the people he cared about aside from Al, or even his own language, but that seemed like a small price considering just how much he had gained. And besides, what use would he have for alchemy at this point, after he had pulled off the one impossible thing he had wanted his alchemy to accomplish?

But honestly, after seven years of mostly living without alchemy, it was still somehow driving Ed crazy. Perhaps it was made even worse by the fact that he'd actually had that one day where he'd had it all back, where life had felt... normal again. Which was crazy, wasn't it? He had been in the middle of a terrible thing happening, worlds colliding and people dying, and yet he had somehow felt like everything was back to the way it was supposed to be. Was that just how his life was going to be from now on, always feeling out of place with the quiet, normal lives everyone else aspired to? Was he always going to be itching for more danger, for another chance to throw himself into the thick of another problem?

Al said Ed was an adrenaline junkie. Ed wanted to argue with him about it, but he couldn't help but think maybe Al was hitting at some truth. Sometimes Ed wondered if he even knew how to live a normal life anymore. Did he only want his alchemy back because he associated alchemy with all the adventures that seemed to come with it?

And Ed knew that logically, the better thing to do, the safer thing to do would be to walk away from it all and just be happy here. It was the mature thing to do, and goddammit, he was 23 years old now, it was about time he started actually thinking and making mature decisions instead of only ever doing what he wanted.

And yet, despite knowing all this, despite him fighting and trying to be a goddamn adult, every night when he closed his eyes, he was back in Resembool. No matter how much he wasn't supposed to want it, it was still home, dammit.

At least everything was a little easier to bear when he actually had Al at his side. He was still in an unfamiliar world speaking an unfamiliar language and interacting with people who seemed like they should be familiar but weren't, but at least Al was there to understand just how weird all of this was. At least there was someone he could talk to about everything and not feel like they were judging him and thinking he was crazy. At least he knew Al was safe, okay, and alive. He felt like he could handle taking on anything as long as he knew Al was still okay.

Then there was Noah. He still wasn't sure exactly when it had happened, but somehow she had managed to become his best friend. Maybe it was because there were some things he felt like he could only talk to her about. For one, he didn't want to make Al worry or feel guilty just because he was homesick. And he definitely didn't want to put the idea in Al's head that they should try and figure out how to get home. And then there was also the times he had been hit hard with grief for Alfons. Al was sympathetic about it, of course, but it was also just... weird to grieve someone who had the same face as the person in front of you. And besides, Noah could actually sit and talk with Ed about memories she also had of Alfons. Something about that helped, so Ed had found himself turning to Noah more often than he would have thought a few years ago. And... She actually understood him. He had built his own little found family with her and Al, and it was actually... pretty comfortable. 

Honestly, life was pretty good. Which made it all the more annoying that Ed couldn't quite place the nagging feeling at the back of his mind. He had done everything he could think of to try and satisfy the feeling, but no matter what he did, he still felt homesick, still felt that weird aching feeling for the crackle of alchemy at his fingertips again. Was this just leftover grief from missing Alfons? Was there perhaps a part of him that still hadn't learned freaking anything and was wishing for alchemy just so he could have a chance at saving Alfons somehow? Whatever it was, Ed knew that focusing on it would just turn his life into chaos again, and since that was the last thing he wanted, he decided not to give the feeling any heed. His subconscious could work it out on its own.

The day that changed everything had started like any other day. Ed was woken by Al nudging him awake and saying he should come get some breakfast before Al headed out to work. Al had somehow managed to land himself a job making automobiles, something that felt like a ridiculous expense to Ed. He wasn't sure how people could manage to think about things like buying a car when the country still felt like it was barely managing to limp along. It took everything Ed and Al had just to make sure they had enough to actually pay the rent every month. 

Of course, that was partially as hard as it was because Ed hadn't been able to get a job like Al had. As uncomfortable as it made Ed, Al had an easy identity to slip into. All they had to do was cover up Alfons' death just a little bit and voila, Al suddenly had a full citizenship. Ed had never been able to have quite the same opportunity, considering his double's death had been all over the newspaper before he'd gotten back to this world. So Ed had to keep doing work under the table with whatever employers were willing to not care about his paperwork. 

But unfortunately, those employers were getting harder and harder to find these days, and so Noah and him ended up out of work more often than not. So after breakfast was done and Al was off to work, he would grab his guitar and head out with Noah to wander around town trying to earn some tips. 

The money was getting harder and harder to earn with every passing week. There was all sorts of talk about how everything was better now that inflation had been mostly corrected, but Ed didn't buy it. He prided himself on having pretty sharp instincts after years of living on the road and something in his gut said that things weren't over yet, that there was something bad, really bad bubbling just underneath the surface. He could hear it in the tones of some men at the bar when they talked about jobs and money. Ed still struggled to fully get a grasp of every angle of this world's politics, since he hadn't been raised here, but he knew enough to know there was something rotten lying in wait. And he was terrified of when it would finally break loose, when men would say these things openly with raised voices instead of in hushed tones with their buddies over a table of beer steins.

"Dammit," Ed mumbled, slinging the guitar over his shoulder and counting out the small handful of change. It wasn't nearly enough to even be the same as what Al would make for a day of work at the factory, let alone enough extra that he would feel justified in taking Noah out for a nice lunch as a treat. He sighed and shoved it in his pocket. 

"I'm hungry," Ed muttered, hoping Noah wouldn't hear. She linked her arm through his. 

"You know, I heard through the grapevine that the university is having a special guest speaker today," she said with a smirk. Ed turned to look over at her and flashed her a grin. Special guest speakers almost always meant special food being laid out in order to impress the guest speaker. It was a trick of theirs to slip in and get a nice afternoon of good food and maybe some sort of interesting lecture. They weren't technically students, but Ed knew too well how to slip in and pose as students without anyone asking questions. 

The free food was always a welcome relief, of course, but Ed had also learned to appreciate the random lectures. Sometimes they actually hit at something he was interested in, such as the two-hour lecture on the theory of relativity (that Noah had definitely fallen asleep halfway through), but there were also lectures that managed to surprise him. One time he had accidentally found himself in the middle of what was apparently an all-day event talking about everything a person could ever hope to know about trees. Ed had expected to hate that one, but it had actually been so interesting that it became a fond memory for him. Apparently, there were new studies suggesting that perhaps trees were actually part of one whole giant brain, rather than individual beings like humans. There was even evidence that the trees were capable of talking with one another, which was more than Ed would have ever assumed trees were capable of doing. He and Noah had walked out of the conference that day babbling excitedly about how cool trees were, which wasn't something Ed had expected of himself.

The speaker that day happened to be talking about love from a chemical, scientific standpoint rather than a purely emotional one. It was interesting, but it was still a lot of information Ed already knew, having extensively studied how human bodies worked back in the day. Instead, he found himself watching Noah through most of the talk instead, how she clasped her hands tightly together as she listened, her eyes wide. 

The small gesture made Ed smile a little, his mind flicking back to Rosé and how she had clasped her hands the same way. Only Rosé had been doing it in prayer, while Noah was doing it while listening to someone talk about science. Something about the irony of that stuck Ed funny, and he couldn't help but smile at her through the lecture.

Eventually though, Noah noticed his eyes on her and turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow in question. "What?" 

"Nothing," Ed whispered with a wave of his hand. "It's just... cute how much you enjoy learning." 

Noah gave him a smile like she thought he was being either ridiculous or amusing, or probably both at the same time. But she didn't comment on it, instead turning back to paying attention to the lecture. She scooted until her shoulder was pressed against Ed's, leaning her weight into him as they listened. 

"That was so interesting," Noah said as they filed out of the lecture hall with the other students. People pressed against them on both sides, and Ed fumbled for her hand, lacing his fingers through hers so they wouldn't get separated in the crowd. Ed caught one guy a little older than him shooting a glare at Noah and her dark skin, and Ed pulled her a little closer to him as she talked, shooting the guy a glare of his own. Noah hummed and rested her head against Ed's shoulder with a smile. He glanced over at the clock tower while they walked. 

"Al should be getting out soon," Ed murmured. "Think we should head back to the apartment?" 

"Sure, let's go home." 

They walked in silence for a little bit, Ed's guitar lightly bumping against his back with each step. After a minute of that, Noah paused in her steps, her fingers slightly squeezing against Ed's. He paused with her, frowning when he noticed she was looking at the ground with furrowed eyebrows. 

"Noah?"

There was a long moment of silence as Noah stared at the ground, Ed reaching out to put his other hand on her shoulder. 

And then she was suddenly a blur of movement, closing the distance between them and suddenly pressing her lips against his. Ed gasped against the contact, his automail hand squeezing her shoulder in his surprise. Before he could help it, his mind was flitting back to a golden ballroom, a girl in a fancy ball gown with pink hair begging him to dance with her, the moment where he realized that somehow he was going to have to let down this poor girl who had pinned so much importance on their relationship without him realizing it. Shit, it was all happening again. Why did the same things keep happening to him no matter how far he ran?

"Noah..." he said slowly when she pulled away from him. He was cut off by a finger being pressed against his lips. 

"I'm in love with you, Edward," Noah whispered, finally flicking her eyes up to meet his. Ed shut his mouth, trying to swallow the lump that was suddenly lodged in his throat. 

Ed felt the ground tilt a little underneath his feet, and he pulled his hand away from her shoulder to instead grip the fabric of his shirt, right over his heart. He couldn't bear to let go of her hand, though, and his mind swam with the possibilities. He had gotten familiar with touching her after years of being on the road together, but he still couldn't completely forget about how she had once seen into the deepest of his memories with a touch. She'd said it was more powerful when people were sleeping. Was it even more powerful when she was kissing someone? Had she been able to see everything he had been thinking about? All those painful memories he would rather forget and somehow even in a whole other world he could never completely run away. He was still stuck remembering these painful things, always wondering if Noah knew about them and was staying quiet to avoid upsetting him or if he had actually managed to hide his pain from her. Had she been seeing his memories about her double while she was kissing him? And if she had, what was she thinking about him now? 

"You shouldn't love me," Ed finally croaked. "I'm a walking disaster. All I do is cause destruction and chaos everywhere I go. Loving me is dangerous." 

"Love is dangerous," Noah said softly. "And I'm willing to take the risk to be around you." 

"But—" Ed felt his heart squeeze again. "But I'm just going to keep being on the move. I don't even have any paperwork or anything. I-I won't even be able to get properly married." 

"Why would I care about that?" Noah said with a scoff. "I don't have any of those things either." 

Ed stared at her for a minute, letting out a whimper as he opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. Noah bit her lip as she watched him struggle to come up with any words. But before either of them had a chance to say anything, they were suddenly interrupted by a cheerful voice. 

"Noah! Brother!" 

The two of them turned to see a cheerful Al trotting over to them with a wide grin on his face. Both of them gave him a weak smile back, not wanting to let him catch on to their tension. 

"Were you two heading home?" Al said, glancing between the two of them. 

"Y-Yeah," Ed said softly, reaching up to rub at the back of his neck.

"Oh, good! We can all go home together!" 

"Actually," Ed frowned and glanced at Noah out of the corner of his eye, biting his lip. "I was thinking I would make some potato pancakes tonight, but we're out of eggs. I'll meet you at home in a bit?" 

"Oh, awesome! I love potato pancakes!" Al said, digging in his pocket and pulling out some money that he then handed to Ed. Noah opened her mouth like she was going to say something, then sighed. 

"See you in a bit," she murmured. 

"Yeah, we'll see you at home," Al said, glancing between Noah and Ed, his smile just a shade or two dimmer. Ed mentally cursed. Al had definitely noticed there was something going on between him and Noah, and he was probably going to be grilling Noah for details until the minute Ed got back home. Which meant that Ed needed to be clear on exactly what he was going to tell Noah and Al before he went home. 

"Yeah, see you soon," Ed murmured back, making eye contact with Noah and trying to give her a small smile. I promise I'm not running away. I just need a minute to think. She gave him a small smile back and nodded to Al before they turned in the direction of home. Ed took in a deep breath and turned in the opposite direction. 

He clutched at the fabric of his shirt as he walked, staring at the ground and lost in thought. He was half tempted to just sit down so he would have a moment of peace to think. He felt absolutely dizzy with this new information he was somehow going to have to process. Noah was in love with him. Whether he returned her feelings or not, having that out in the open meant everything was going to change now. Either she would leave with a broken heart and it would just be him and Al, or... Or what, he would return her feelings? And then what? They would settle down with a house in the country and have two kids and a dog? The thought made Ed's head hurt. Somehow even though it was the future he had always thought he would somehow end up at, it just... didn't feel right. Not yet. Not when there was still so much city to explore, so many new things to learn, so much adventure to still be had. So many loose ends to tie up. So many things he was scared to even talk about with Noah. He knew that she knew... Well, something about his life. She knew something about Al for sure, and some other things about alchemy. 

Did she know about all the other details of his life though? Did she see things like how he had killed his own mother, not just once, but twice? Did she judge him for making that choice? And if she didn't know about it, would she judge him when she found out? Did she know about Winry? Did she know what Ed had been feeling and thinking during that brief reunion he'd had with Winry? Would she judge him if she knew how often he was thinking about someone other than her?

But at the same time... How would Ed ever be able to stop thinking about Winry? He'd never been able to wrap things up with her, at least not properly. He still didn't know where he and Winry stood, and he'd eventually had to just accept that he would probably never know. But would Noah be able to accept that too? Ed tried to suck in a deep breath. It felt like he couldn't get in enough air no matter what he did. 

He was interrupted from his thoughts by bumping into a golden blur. He was just looking up to apologize for not paying enough attention, but his words got stuck in his throat as soon as he saw her. 

Here he had been trying so desperately to find her, going from town to town, hoping that if Al's and his doubles had been around, then maybe, maybe there was a chance she was somewhere. He had been doing double takes of every blond girl his age for six years now, and of course now, now, at the most inconvenient possible time of his life was the time when he would find her. Because of course his string of terrible, absolutely ironic luck wouldn't stop just because he was in a different world. 

"Winry," Ed breathed, the automail hand on his shirt tightening until he heard his knuckles creak. She looked at him with wide blue eyes. 

„Ah! Entschuldigung!" 

She said something else after that, but Ed had no idea what she was saying as a loud ringing in his ears blocked out all the noise. He was just realizing that something had to be wrong when his vision turned black and he could feel himself fall to the ground. 

In the next moment, the world was suddenly bright again. Bright and empty. Ed could no longer feel the ache in his heart he had just been feeling, but he swore he could feel his stomach drop to his feet. That is, if he even had a stomach here. Here he had been desperately wanting to see this place for so long, and now it came to him at a time when he was terrified what it meant.

Ed had already died three times before. He knew exactly what it felt like. And he didn't like what normally came with dying. Dying meant things had gone wrong somehow. It didn't necessarily mean everything was over, but it could mean he wouldn't see Al again. Ed let out a scream and sank to his knees, pulling at his hair. 

"No! I just got you back!" he screamed. It felt weird in this place, to be able to scream like that without it hurting his vocal chords, to know that tears that would normally be streaming down his face just didn't exist here. In his desperation, he could oddly remember Al shouting something similar at him once upon a time, and the tears turned into slightly manic laughter. 

No matter what they did, no matter how many times they gave up everything just to keep each other safe, somehow they always ended up back here. Somehow it always came back to this. Ed wasn't even sure exactly how he'd died, and yet he had somehow died again, and he and Al were separated again.

"Please," Ed whispered, his hands shaking as he held them up like some sort of offering. "Any price you need, anything, please, I'll pay it. I can't lose him again. I can't leave him alone again, not like this. Please, I have to go back. Please. Please." 

In the end, it all boiled down to a single question, asked in that blank canvas of a space.

Are you happy with how it all turned out, Alchemist?

The answer was out of him without thought, before he'd even had a chance to know what he was saying.

No!

Chapter Text

When Ed opened his eyes again, he could smell the fresh rain as it hit his skin, mud pressed against his face. He frowned, trying to place why he would wake up on the ground. He groaned and rolled over slightly, reaching up with his right hand to wipe the mud off his face. 

And froze when he felt his face scraping underneath his fingers. 

Ed was sitting up in an instant, holding his right arm out in front of him as if it were alien. But the leg—? Ed did a quick mental check and frowned. No, the leg was still automail, because he could feel the joint where flesh met metal. Ed stared at his hand, stretching the fingers apart and flexing them. It felt way too real to just be a dream. Not to mention, in his dreams, he either had his automail or he didn't. He'd never had a dream where he only had one of his limbs be automail.

But if this wasn't a dream, then what could be happening? Ed frantically tried to figure out what was the last thing he could remember. He remembered getting up that morning and going out to busk with Noah— Ed swallowed thickly. Right, Noah. She'd kissed him and said she'd loved him, and then he'd tried to get away, and then— Ed closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. And then there was Winry's double. And then he'd panicked, and... What, died? The last thing he could remember was being at the Gate, so had he died of shock from seeing Winry or something? But he didn't seem to be dead now. Or at the gate. So what was going on? Ed sighed and dragged his eyes away from his hand to look around at where he was. Maybe there was something that could give him some sort of clue what was going on. 

The first thing his eyes locked on were the words "Trisha Elric" carved into the gravestone in front of him. Ed spluttered and scrambled to his feet, staring at the stone with wide eyes. 

"Ed?" a voice cut through the rain, and Ed felt like his blood had frozen in his veins. As if the grave in front of him wasn't enough evidence of where he was, he would have recognized that voice no matter how many years it had been since he'd last heard her. 

"Winry," he breathed.

"Ed? Edward! Where are you?" 

How did she even know he was here? Ed scrambled to try and brush some of the mud off his shirt, but all he really did was spread it around instead. He sighed and gave up on the effort. Oh well. He never seemed to be at his best whenever he was reuniting with people, anyway. 

"I'm over here, Winry!" he called through the rain. 

"Oh, thank goodness!" he heard her say, and then she was running through the rain and darkness, and before he had time to even completely brace himself, there she was, suddenly in front of him again after four years.

"Hey," he said, his voice only managing to come out in a whisper. Winry had one black umbrella clutched in her hand and held over her head, and another matching umbrella clutched in her other hand, which she gave to Ed.

"Why didn't you come home?" she said, waving her empty hand in exasperation as she talked. 

"I'm sorry, Winry, I-I-"

"First you went and left when you were still so upset about Al—" 

"I know, I know, I'm sorry—" 

"And then it started raining and I knew you hadn't taken your umbrella or anything—" 

"I'm sorry, I..." Ed paused, frowning as he processed her words. "Wait, what?"

"You were just out longer than I expected and—" Winry waved her hands again, her voice cracking a little. "And I just worry about you, okay, and— Why are you covered in mud?" 

She sounded downright frantic, and honestly, Ed couldn't entirely blame her, but he still didn't have any idea what to do. He gave her a sheepish grin and a shrug. "Uh... I guess I fell down." 

"Why did you fall down?!" 

"Uh... I don't entirely remember, I kind of blacked out, but—"

"You what?!" Winry screeched, and then the distance between them was suddenly gone, her poking and prodding at him like she always had. "Okay, we need to get you back to the house and out of the rain now." 

There were still so many questions Ed had, so many things to figure out. Like... What had Winry been doing for the past four years? Was Al still stuck in Germany? How exactly had Ed ended up back here again? Why did he have his arm back, anyway? But even he had to admit that maybe the questions could wait five minutes so he could ask them inside the warm, dry house. He gave Winry a small smile. "Okay."

Winry leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek, making Ed freeze in place. Oh god. Hadn't he just dealt with this with Noah? And now it was all happening again, he was going to have to make Winry upset over him again, nothing ever changed, nothing changed, ever—

But before he even had a chance to try and say anything, she was lacing her arm through his and leading him towards the house. Ed took a minute to breathe. Maybe it had just been one of those kisses that were friendly. Yeah, he was overthinking it. If Winry had really wanted to make a statement that she was in love with him, she would have kissed him on the lips, like Noah— 

Ed tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. Noah. What was he going to do about Noah? 

He shook his head like he could shake the thoughts right out of his brain. No, he had bigger things to focus on right now. First, he had to figure out how he'd gotten home in the first place, then he had to figure out where Al was. Had Al come with him? Or was he going to have to figure out some way to get Al back here too? And if he did... Was he going to figure out some way to get Noah here as well?

It was funny, in a way, because Ed could remember a time when Noah had tried so hard to convince him to bring her to his world, and he had absolutely refused. And now, the thought of leaving her behind in Germany... It hurt enough he was actually willing to consider trying to figure out a way to bring her here. What was even wrong with him? Was this just always going to be his fate, feeling torn between two worlds no matter what he did?

At least the Rockbell house looked the same as it always had, or at least, what he could see in the dark and the rain seemed like it was the same. He couldn't help but smile at the familiar sight. Home. 

As he was taking off his boots and wet coat in the entryway, Ed realized it wasn't just his arm that was different. Somehow, his clothes were similar to what he had been wearing but just different enough that now that Ed was looking at them in the light, he could tell it was a different set of clothes than what he had been wearing. What exactly had happened to make Ed show up back in this world but with an arm and new clothes? Ed frowned at the coat as he hung it up, but decided not to say anything about it, at least not yet. He could try and figure out answers in a minute, after he'd gotten a chance to catch his breath. 

"Oh my gosh, what are you doing up? It is way past your bedtime, mister!" Ed blinked and looked up to see Winry scolding a blond boy who was peeking his head into the entryway. Ed blinked. Winry was talking like... Like a mom. 

Oh. Oh. 

"You were gone," the little boy said with a pout, and Winry sighed, crouching down so she was eye-level with him. 

"Were you worried about me and Daddy?" The little boy nodded with big, watery eyes. Ed decided not to mention to Winry that he'd noticed the kid's eyes were gold. He wasn't sure how Winry had managed to find some other guy in the country with golden eyes to have kids with, but he didn't really want to talk about it. He wasn't sure he liked the implications of her having gone and found a replacement him to marry after he'd left. 

"Well, everything is fine now, so you should say goodnight and get some sleep." 

"Can I have warm milk? Please?" 

"Okay. But then it's straight to bed." Winry sighed with a small smile, leaning over and kissing the boy's forehead. She glanced over at Ed, and her smile faded a little when her eyes connected with his, her eyebrows scrunching. "You okay, Ed? You look pale." 

"Uh, y-yeah," Ed stammered, doing his best to smile at her. He felt like he wasn't supposed to be here. Winry had managed to build herself a life while he'd been away, and here he was, in the middle of things, as usual. He needed to get out of here, get out of the way, let her get on with her life. How could he have been stupid enough to think he could just pick back up where he'd left off years ago? Of course he should go, he needed to get out of the way, let her get back to her life. Here she'd actually managed to get over everything and have a good life without him, and here he was just inserting himself into the picture again and disrupting everything. 

"I-I should..." he stammered. 

"You should go sit down," Winry said, standing up and looking him in the eyes. "I'll warm up the milk. Then we can talk." 

It was the kind of tone that Ed knew meant Winry wouldn't be willing to hear any arguments, so he nodded at her and went to sit in the dining room. The blond boy followed Winry into the kitchen, babbling at her about some dream he'd been having before he woke up and tried to find her. Ed sat at the table, pushing some papers out of the way so there would be some space in front of him.

But then the handwriting on one of the papers caught Ed's eye, and he slid it out of the pile in order to take a closer look. 

At first glance, it was just an ordinary shopping list, nothing really special about it. But it was a shopping list written in his handwriting. Okay, so apparently Winry had missed him enough that she had decided to save even the most trivial of notes. Which was definitely weird, but... Ed shook his head. No, something about that didn't add up. Even if Winry had decided to hold on to a shopping list from him for that many years... How had she gotten a hold of it? Why didn't it look like a paper that was at least seven years old? Had he even written shopping lists back then? Ed wracked his brain for old memories. He had never really needed to get groceries, not when he had a healthy salary and was always on the run. He'd never even really had access to kitchens on the road, so he'd mostly relied on whatever the inn or local tavern had to offer for the day.

Then another item on the list caught Ed's eye: Chalk for Teddy. 

Chalk had definitely been a thing Ed had once been buying regularly. Even after he didn't need to draw circles, Al had needed a steady supply of chalk on hand, and most of the time it was easier to just buy it than try and transmute it from some limestone. But Teddy? Ed racked his brain, trying to think of who he could have ever known named Teddy. Maybe if he could place Teddy, he could figure out when he had written the list. He couldn't explain why, but something about the shopping list seemed... off to him.

"Okay, now be careful, it's hot," Winry said as she came into the dining room, the blond kid from before at her ankles. She set a mug on the table, and the kid scrambled into the chair, blowing hard enough on his glass of milk that Ed was sure there had to be spit involved. 

He was interrupted from his thoughts by the soft sound of a mug being placed on the table in front of him. He glanced up, and Winry was giving him a soft smile. 

"I figured tea would be better than coffee at this time of night," she said.

"Thanks," Ed said, giving her a half-smile back and grabbing the mug. He had only barely smelled the bergamot and lavender before Winry was leaning over and kissing him on the forehead. Ed froze. Again with the friendly not-on-the-lips kisses. Had Winry just missed him that much? Oh god, would her husband be upset?

"I don't entirely know what's going on in your head," Winry said, sitting down in the chair next to him. "But I'll be here for you no matter what." 

"T-Thanks," Ed choked out. He was sure he was blushing with how hot his face felt, so he immediately took a sip of tea so he wouldn't have to say anything else. 

The silence was suddenly interrupted by the kid slamming his empty mug down on the table as if it were an eating competition. "All done!" 

"Okay then," Winry said with a laugh. "Straight to bed with you, mister!" 

Ed couldn't help but smile into his mug. Winry was so comfortable with being a mom, and her tone was so kind and sweet, it reminded him of his own mother.

"Can I say goodnight?" 

"Of course," Winry said, holding her arms out for a hug. The boy launched himself into them with a huge grin, wrapping his arms around Winry's neck and kissing her cheek. 

"Goodnight, mommy! I love you!" 

"I love you too!" Winry said, giving him five rapid kisses on his face, making him squirm and giggle. She then released him and ruffled his hair. "Goodnight, Teddy." 

Ed blinked, his mind swimming. Wait, but the kid was Teddy? But he had never met the kid before in his life! How could there be a shopping list in his handwriting that mentioned Teddy? The kid couldn't be any older than five at the most, which meant he had been in Germany for this kid's entire life, so there was no way- 

He was interrupted out of his thoughts by a couple of tiny hands barely managing to reach around his waist in a hug. Ed blinked and glanced down, noticing Teddy's face pressed against his vest. Ed reached out and patted the boy on the back a couple times. "Uh, goodnight." 

"It'll be okay," Teddy said, his voice having changed from bouncy to gentle. Ed almost felt like he would break in half. Somehow this kid knew he was upset and just wanted him to feel better, enough to even give him a hug. Ed wasn't sure whether he should be grinning or crying at how pure it was. 

"Thank you," Ed whispered, his half-hearted pats turning into a genuine hug. Teddy squeezed him back. 

"Night, Daddy, I love you!" 

Ed froze, but before he could even fully process what he'd just heard, Teddy was already bouncing and going off to bed. 

"Ed? Ed, are you okay?" 

Ed felt like Winry was miles away, his mind flicking back to that time he had been not in his own world, not in his own body, but somehow it still felt so familiar... the sirens, the panic, the zeppelin, the fire... Oh god, it was all happening again, it was somehow happening again and he was powerless again, nothing ever changed, nothing—

"Ed? Edward!" 

A couple of hands cupped his face and Ed could vaguely process that it was Winry who was probably holding him, but he couldn't see her, all he could see was fire and rubble and screaming metal bits, and his breath was coming in short gasps because wasn't there smoke in the air and metal on top of him?

"It's okay," Winry said softly, and a thumb brushed against his cheek. "It's okay, it's okay. Just breathe. Please breathe, Ed." 

Winry hadn't been there, this couldn't be what was happening. Ed felt like his mind snapped back to the present, but somehow he still felt just as terrified as if there were still fire all around him. He looked at Winry with wild eyes.

"This is wrong," Ed whispered. "This is all wrong. I'm not supposed to be here. You're not... mine." 

"What?" Winry frowned. 

He couldn't handle telling her that he wasn't her Ed, that he wasn't supposed to have this life where they were married and had kids and... And an arm. Ed groaned and nearly smacked his head on the table. The arm, of course! How had he not realized this the instant he'd noticed that damn arm? Of course this wasn't his world, wasn't even his body. He'd just been so desperate, so willing to believe he was finally home after he had spent so long wishing and hoping for it. He couldn't bear to tell that all to Winry, to watch her face fall and crumble when she realized he wasn't her husband, wasn't the Ed she loved. Oh god, where was her Ed, anyway? Where did he go? Was he dead? Was she a widow married to someone who had taken over her dead husband's body? He couldn't do that to her. There was no way he could tell her.

And then it hit him. This world was so similar to his, so close that he had mistaken it for his. So there had to be an Al here, probably an Al who was actually his brother. If they had been through the same sort of adventures, then Al would have seen enough weird things to understand if Ed went to him saying he was a different Ed who had traded bodies. 

Then again... Ed grabbed his right arm. The last time he'd had a flesh arm like this was only because Al had sacrificed himself for Ed. What if Al wasn't alive in this world? What if all their adventures meant—

No. No, that wouldn't be the way it happened. There was no way Ed would be content to just settle down and have a family after something like that happening to Al. The other Ed would have found something to help Al, something to fix it, just like he had done when he once woke up with a whole body. Even if they were from two different worlds, they were both Eds. And Ed had to believe that they would both make at least similar decisions. Al had to be here. He had to. 

"I need to talk to Al," Ed whispered. Winry gave him a weak smile and patted his leg. 

"I know. He'll be calling tomorrow at the usual time."

Tomorrow? Ed's heart clenched. He wouldn't be able to talk to Al? Well, it was the middle of the night, actually. But still, how far away was Al if he was calling every night at the same time? How was Ed going to ride this out and pretend he came from this world if he couldn't talk about it with anyone until tomorrow? He swallowed thickly and closed his eyes. 

"Hey, Ed?" Winry's voice interrupted his minor freak out, and he opened his eyes again. "Can you tell me more about how you blacked out? What happened?"

Oh, right, he'd told her he blacked out. Had the Ed in this world even blacked out? Well, maybe, he was on the ground, after all. And wherever the guy was now, he wasn't here, which Ed supposed counted as a sort of blackout. But what was Ed supposed to tell her had happened when he hadn't even been here when it had happened? Maybe he could just tell her what had happened to him. Hell, maybe she would have a better idea than him what had happened in the first place. 

"Uh, I guess I got kind of stressed out," Ed said, hoping that was vague enough for her. Winry nodded, so he figured it seemed believable enough. His mind flicked back to where he had woken up. "And, uh, I guess I went to visit mom to think, and then, uh... Well, my chest hurt, and then I got kind of dizzy and my vision got a little dark. Then my ears were ringing, and... Well, then I woke up in the cemetery." 

Okay, it was skipping the detour he'd taken at the Gate in the middle of that, but it was basically the truth. Not like Winry would even know what the Gate was anyway. 

"Oh my god, Ed!" Winry said, her hands flying to her mouth. "That sounds like you had a heart attack!" 

Ed almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it. After everything he'd been through, after he had somehow managed to even survive getting stabbed in the chest, somehow what had ultimately done him in had been a stupid, unnoticed heart attack? He struggled to keep his face neutral. He didn't know everything this Winry had been through, but he knew that pretty much no one would respond well to someone laughing like a lunatic at finding out they'd had a heart attack. 

"Oh," Ed said, pressing his lips together. "I take it that's... not normal."

"No!" Winry said, slightly shaking his arms where she held him. "No, that is not normal, Edward Elric, not unless you've been hiding something from me!" 

"I don't think I have— I mean! Not that! I mean—" 

"I swear..." Winry sighed and massaged her forehead. "Okay. You're taking tomorrow off, mister. Bed rest for you. I'll call the VA and make an appointment so we can get you properly checked out. But until then, no more random trips in the middle of the night, okay?"

"Okay," Ed said, slightly sinking in his seat. He almost wanted to protest, to tell her that maybe this body hadn't had a heart attack, but that meant telling her everything, and he didn't want to deal with that. Better to just take the bed rest orders than possibly break Winry's heart.

"I'm going to need to call a babysitter for the kids tomorrow," Winry muttered, ticking off on her fingers. "And I'll need to rearrange some appointments so I can go to the doctor's office..." 

Ed just blinked at her. Somehow this was all just so... normal. Well, okay, having a heart attack wasn't exactly normal, maybe, but the way Winry was dealing with it, the way she was worrying and thinking about babysitters and such... Hell, even the fact that it was a heart attack and not something crazy like immortals trying to kill him was just so... so normal. Here he hadn't even thought it would ever be possible for him to have a normal life, and yet somehow this other him had managed it. 

"But no one will be awake right now anyway," Winry said with a sigh, dropping the count on her fingers and turning back to Ed. "We might as well go to bed."

It was then that Ed realized what that implied. He was trying to pretend to be normal until he could talk to Al, but he was still in a world where his double had married Winry. And Winry was saying they should go to bed. Hell, they had two children. There was no way they weren't sharing a bed. Ed decided to count his blessings that he was supposed to be on bed rest, so it wasn't like she would hit on him or anything. As long as it was just sleeping in a bed, then maybe he could just stay on his side of the bed and sleep quietly. That wasn't any worse or different than when they had been kids, right? And then he could talk to Al tomorrow and get everything figured out, and he wouldn't have to keep doing this. He only had to sleep in the same bed as Winry for one night, just to keep up appearances. That was all. That was all. 

But when Winry led him into the bedroom and he saw the one double bed, all of the courage Ed had been building up on the way upstairs suddenly left him. He couldn't do this. He couldn't share a bed with Winry, even if he was technically in the body that was married to her. He couldn't do that to the other Ed, or even worse, to Winry. She wouldn't know she was sleeping with a stranger. It wasn't fair to do that to her without her knowing. 

"Uh..." Ed darted his eyes nervously around the room before his eyes fell on the armchair by the window. "You know, I think I actually want to sleep sitting up tonight." 

Winry paused as she was pulling back the covers to give him a look. "What?"

"Yeah, yeah," Ed said, grabbing a pillow from the side of the bed Winry wasn't climbing into. "It's easier to breathe sitting up." 

"Are you having trouble breathing?" Winry dropped the covers she had been pulling back, no longer climbing into bed. Shit. Backtrack, backtrack. 

"No, no," Ed said quickly, and Winry raised an eyebrow. Right, if he wasn't having trouble breathing, there was no reason to sleep in the armchair. "Um, I just... Um... Well, it's because I wasn't breathing well when I was panicking earlier. It'll die down in a little bit, I just need to sit up for now to fall asleep." 

"Okay..." Winry said. "Well, we could arrange some pillows to prop you up on the bed."

"No, no, this is fine," Ed said, backing over to the armchair with his pillow. "I'm sure I'll be feeling better in an hour or two, and I don't want you to keep having to rearrange the bed." 

"Aren't you going to change into your pajamas?" Winry said, frowning at him. "Your clothes are all muddy, please don't sleep in them." 

"Oh," Ed said, glancing down at himself. Sure enough, his white button-up shirt and black vest were still covered in mud. Even his pants had a bit of mud on them. Winry was already in her nightgown because apparently, she'd just thrown a coat over it before heading out to look for him in the rain. Ed had a sudden pang of sympathy for her. She must have been so worried about her husband, rushing out into the cold and wet without even bothering to do more than throw on a coat. 

But still, Ed had no idea where his pajamas theoretically were. He didn't even normally see much bother to them. He had been used to sleeping in his boxers until Noah had moved in, honestly. 

"Uh, pajamas..." Ed said, glancing around the room. Winry chuckled with a slight sigh and shook her head. 

"I swear, you'd forget your head if it wasn't attached," she said. "They should be in the pajama drawer. That is, if you remembered to put them away this time." 

"Uh..." Ed glanced over at the dresser, feeling lost. The pajama drawer? Which one even was that? Was Winry going to look at him funny just because he didn't have any idea where his pajamas would be? Probably. He was supposed to be completely used to this world, and he didn't even know where his pajamas were.

Winry frowned at his hesitation, moving away from the bed and over to the dresser, where she pulled open the top right drawer and tossed a flannel shirt and pants to Ed. They managed to hit him in the face before he caught up with what was happening and caught them before they fell to the ground. 

"Uh..." Ed looked down at the pajamas and then back up at Winry, who was just watching him expectantly. Oh god. Of course there was no shame between her and her Ed when it came to things like stripping down and changing into new clothes. They'd had two kids together, after all. Winry had definitely.... seen parts of this body he didn't even want to think about, but it still felt like his body, and it still felt like something Winry had never seen before, at least to him. 

"Are you absolutely sure you're okay?" Winry said, frowning at him as he stood there holding the pajamas and looking between them and her with wide eyes. 

"Uh, yeah, yeah, of course," Ed said, wincing. Okay, his options were to either act normal, which meant changing into pajamas in front of the woman who was theoretically his wife, or telling her everything that was going on and breaking her heart probably worse than it had ever been broken before. Ed bit his lip and began unbuttoning his vest. Winry had seen him in just his boxers plenty of times before anyway for automail maintenance. It wasn't like this was anything spectacularly new. He was just nervous because he knew that this Winry knew what was under the boxers, but she would know that whether he took off his other clothes or not. This was fine. Everything was fine. Stop acting like a virgin and just be the Ed she expects you to be, you dumbass. 

"I really wish you would sleep in the bed," Winry said softly. "I'm really worried about you, Ed." 

Ed paused in the middle of pulling on the shirt and looked at her. She looked like she was about to cry, and all because he was refusing to sleep in the same bed as her. And here he was trying to pretend to be normal and like everything was fine. Clearly, he wasn't managing to succeed at that if she was on the verge of tears. Maybe he could just... make it work somehow. For Winry's sake. It would only be one night, after all. 

"You know, I think my breathing is better now," Ed mumbled, looking down at the buttons as he fastened them. "I think I could sleep in the bed now."

"I'd definitely worry a lot less," Winry said, coming over to him and then rubbing at his cheek. "You've still got mud on your face. You should wash up before bed." 

"Right," Ed said as she gave him a kiss on the cheek, smoothing his bangs out of the way. She then turned and moved to sit on the bed, and Ed took the moment of her being turned away as a chance to hurriedly pull off his pants and pull on the flannel ones. "I'll just... go wash up, then." 

Last Ed could remember, there hadn't been indoor plumbing at the Rockbell house, at least not in terms of a hot shower. They had a couple of sinks around the house just for the sheer necessity that came with doing automail surgery, and even those had been incredibly hard to get installed. Ed wasn't particularly keen on taking a shower out in the cold and rain after he'd just gotten out of it. So he figured he would just wash his face off in the kitchen sink and take a proper shower in the morning. So he padded down to the kitchen in his socks, Winry still sitting on the bed. 

Except the water in the kitchen tap apparently didn't want to come out hot. No matter how much Ed tried to wait for it while it ran, it seemed that it was just too cold outside for the water heater to actually have a decent chance. Ed sighed and grabbed a bowl, collecting the water. Sure, he could just put up with the cold water, but why? Once the bowl was full, he put it on the counter and turned off the tap, taking a deep breath. 

"Time to see if this still works," he muttered under his breath before clapping his hands together. A flash of blue light later, and the water was steaming. Ed smirked to himself. Still got it. 

"H-H-How did you do that?"

Ed turned to see Winry standing in the kitchen archway, staring at him with wide, almost horrified eyes. Ed frowned at her. 

"It's just alchemy, Winry, what's the big deal?"

"The big deal?" Winry made a choked sound. "You haven't been able to do alchemy in years!"

"Uh..." Ed blinked. Shit. Shit. This Ed hadn't been able to do alchemy? What the hell was up with that? "Uh... I guess... The... The heart attack reset my brain a little?"

"Reset your brain?!" Winry squawked. "Since when can a heart attack undo a sacrifice to the Gate?" 

This time it was Ed's turn to make a choking sound. "A what?" What the hell had this Ed been up to, anyway?

"You know what, we're calling Al," Winry said, shaking her head and grabbing Ed by the wrist before leading him out to the living room. "I don't care if it's the middle of the night. He would want to wake up to know you've gotten your alchemy back." 

Ed felt the blood drain from his face. He wasn't sure if he even could backtrack his way out of this one. 

Ed could feel the headache hitting him hard before he even opened his eyes. Sometimes it really sucked to not be a teenager anymore. It seemed like punches were falling a little harder with every year. 

Wait, had he even been punched? Ed struggled to remember what had happened last, blearily cracking his eyes open. Winry was standing over him, wearing that same worried expression she always did. Usually that meant he'd done something stupid. Ed sighed and held a hand to his head. 

"Sorry," Ed muttered, struggling to sit up. "I'm fine, I promise." 

It was then that Ed noticed as he tried to push himself into a sitting position that he couldn't actually feel the pavement against his right hand. Instead, he felt a familiar throbbing of pressure in his shoulder, like a metal device was digging against him from the pressure he was putting on his arm. No. 

Ed was sitting up in an instant, holding his right arm out in front of him as if it were alien. At a first glance, it looked like a normal hand, but Ed was too familiar with his own skin. Something about it was just... off. The color wasn't quite right, and on top of that, the skin folded in a weird, unnatural way when he flexed his fingers. Maybe not something big enough for the average person on the street to notice, but he could definitely tell that this wasn't his arm, and if he couldn't feel his arm, that meant this was automail. But when had automail gotten to look this realistic?

Wait. Wait Ed's mind flashed back to the cemetery, how he had been worried about a heart attack, and then he'd fallen, and then... Oh god. He'd died, and now he was standing here and okay, somehow. Okay, so Truth had apparently taken his arm again. Sure, whatever. That was worth it if it meant he would actually still have a chance to be with his kids. He turned to look at Winry, tears in his eyes. 

"Winry," he said, his voice cracking as one of the tears slipped down his cheek. "Oh thank god. I thought—"

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a deep, relieved kiss. But almost as soon as he had started kissing her, she suddenly broke off the kiss, pulling away from him with a gasp. He had only barely registered what was happening before she drew her hand across his face with a loud slap.

Ed took a step backward, holding his right hand up to cradle his suddenly sore cheek. "Winry?"

Winry started yelling at him then, jabbing a finger into his chest, but Ed suddenly realized that he couldn't understand a single word she was saying. It didn't sound like pure gibberish, there was definitely form and structure to it, which implied she was speaking another language, but Ed couldn't even place what language she was speaking. This girl sure looked like Winry, and sounded like Winry, and even was acting exactly like Ed expected of Winry, but she had to be someone else. Winry knew maybe a handful of phrases in Xingese and that was it. Ed would almost think that maybe she'd learned another language in her spare time in order to play a prank on him, but what spare time would she have to do that, anyway? And why? No, this just had to be another girl. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Ed said, putting his hands up. He hoped she would at least understand that much. "I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else!" 

Boy, did she look like Winry though, down to the exact expressions she made as she continued chewing him out. It was unnerving, really. Ed wasn't sure if he would even be able to tell her and Winry apart if they were standing side by side. She yelled a couple more sentences at him in her language, and then she was storming off. 

It was then that Ed realized he didn't have any idea where he was. The last thing he could remember was being in the Resembool cemetery, but this definitely wasn't Resembool or even anywhere close to Resembool, because he had never seen this city before. But how could he have gotten that far? Truth didn't just... drop people off somewhere halfway across the country as payment, right? That didn't even make sense as a payment. That couldn't be right. Maybe he'd just gotten taken to a different city because of the heart attack or something. 

The thought crossed Ed's mind that it didn't really make sense why Truth would also take his arm as payment but give him automail without rehab. Ed didn't want to dwell on the thought. He wasn't really sure what that would mean, and that was a terrifying thing to consider. 

"Um, excuse me—" Ed said, running up to a man on the sidewalk and tapping on his shoulder. The man turned around to look at Ed, then snapped a question at him in the same set of sounds Not-Winry had been making earlier. Oh no. Ed spun in the other direction, waving to get someone, anyone's attention. 

"Excuse me—!"

Several people looked at him with weird expressions, and one man shouted at him with even more of those words with the same sounds. Ed felt his stomach drop to his feet. Oh no. Shit. It wasn't just a weird Winry lookalike who was a foreigner. He was the foreigner. Somehow, he had ended up in who knows what country, where the people all spoke a language he had never heard before. What was he going to do?

He was interrupted from his panic by a soft voice behind him. 

"Edvard?"

Oh, thank goodness. At least his name was something he could recognize, even with the accent. At least there was one person here who recognized him. If someone recognized him, that must mean they spoke Amestrian. He took in a relieved breath and turned to look at who had called him. 

And found himself face to face with none other than—

"Lust!" Ed yelped, taking a step backward and holding his hands up defensively. She frowned at him and said something in that same language everyone else was speaking. Ed practically wanted to scream. Here he was, looking at someone who was theoretically supposed to be dead, hearing her speak this language he had never heard before. 

"I have no idea what you're saying!" Ed snapped. "But if you try anything, I swear—!"

Lust sighed at him and said another string of words Ed couldn't understand, but this time with one word he could recognize: Alphonse. 

"Have you done something with him?" Ed said, feeling a heavy lump slide to the bottom of his stomach. "Where is he?" 

Lust sighed and said something more in that language, glancing away and down the street. She turned back to Ed with a sigh. "Alphonse," she said, pointing down the street that she had just been looking down. She then curled her fingers at Ed in the universal sign for come here. Before Ed could fully figure out what she was getting at, she was turning and walking in the direction she had pointed, her shoes clicking against the cobblestones. Ed blinked. Oh. She wanted him to follow her. 

Ed took a step after her, and then froze. Really? He thought he was past the days of randomly following homunculi down streets he didn't know just because he wanted information. But what else was he supposed to do? It sounded like she knew where Al was, and if Al was also in this country, then he was likely as scared and confused as Ed. But what if she was just leading him into a trap? Lust paused in her steps and looked back at him, crossing her arms. 

It was just a chance he was going to have to take. Ed bit his lip and walked over to Lust. She nodded and turned again, leading Ed at a brisk pace through the winding streets. 

By the time Ed had managed to question his actions several times, Lust was leading him to a modest building. Funny. It didn't look like some sort of homunculi hideout or something. And when Lust led him inside and up the stairs to a door, it still just seemed perfectly normal. Normal stairs, normal door with the number 14 on it. Lust knocked on the door, and Ed wondered if it was some sort of code. 

It was funny, actually, how quickly he could snap back to State Alchemist espionage mode, Ed thought, right as the door swung open. 

The woman behind the door was close to his age, with dark skin and even darker hair with a couple of braids poking out through the hair she had down. Ed frowned at her. Something about her was familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. It was like she was someone he had met a long time ago. Lust was saying something more in that weird language, and the woman was paying attention to her. 

„Danke, Else," the woman said, then turned to Ed with a concerned frown on her face, saying more in that language Ed couldn't understand, but this time too fast and with too many words to understand. Then it suddenly clicked for Ed why she looked familiar. She was older, and her hair didn't have the pink bangs, and Ed swore he remembered her paler, but...

"Rosé?" Ed said, leaning forward to look more closely at her face, still not entirely sure if this was actually the same girl he'd met briefly so many years ago. She shot him a funny look that he couldn't quite place. It wasn't like she didn't recognize the name Rosé, but more like hearing that name worried her. Was she working with the homunculi under a fake name or something?

"I'm just looking for Alphonse," Ed sighed, and the woman's eyebrows shot up like she was surprised. 

„Al ist—" she said, pointing over her shoulder. Ed didn't have to hear any more before he was pushing past her in the direction she'd pointed. He needed to know Al was okay. He needed at least one person to speak the same freaking language as him. 

Al was in the kitchen, grating peeled potatoes into a bowl. When Ed came in, he beamed and put the potato down. 

„Ah, hallo, Bruder!" And then he was off, babbling in the other language that baffled Ed. Ed felt like his world was crumbling around him. Al didn't even look like he normally did, his hair a darker shade and his eyes a blue-gray instead of golden. But he was talking just like Al, acting just like Al. It was like everything and everyone around him was just a few degrees off from where they were supposed to be. Al then paused in what he was saying, looking over Ed with a frown. „Wo ist die Eier?" 

"What is going on? Why can't I understand anyone?!" Ed screamed, clapping his hands to his head and sinking to his knees. Al was immediately rushing over with a frown, putting a hand on Ed's shoulder. 

"Whoa, hang on, what's happening?" Al said, and miraculously, Ed actually understood him that time. Ed turned to look at Al with wide, watery eyes. 

"Wait, you do speak Amestrian?" 

"Of course I speak Amestrian," Al said with a frown. In the distance, Ed could hear the sound of the front door closing. "We just normally practice our German because Noah—" 

He was cut off mid-sentence by the dark-haired woman from earlier coming in and jabbing a finger at Ed. „Alphonse. Das ist nicht Edward." She was doing that same accent Lust had, pronouncing the w in his name like a v. 

„Was?" Al stood up to look at her, his hand still on Ed's shoulder, like he was protecting Ed. The woman was babbling in the other language, and Al seemed to understand her. Ed took the minute to let his mind spin with all the new information he'd just gotten. Al spoke Amestrian. At least someone understood him. But Al also seemed to understand this other language everyone else spoke. And he didn't look exactly like Al. He seemed to recognize Ed, and he acted the same, but he looked just that slight bit different. Hell, he still looked so... young. He looked more like the Al that was in the wedding pictures Ed had hanging at home than the Al he had just seen a few months ago. 

"Hey," Al said, crouching down so he was on eye-level with Ed. Ed realized he should probably get off the floor, but he wasn't sure if his own legs would even support him. "Who are you?" 

"Edward Elric. Who are you?" Ed said flatly. All he wanted was to lay down in a bed, pull the covers over his head, and hope everything went away with a good night's sleep. 

"Alphonse Elric," Al said, giving Ed a weak smile. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"The—" Ed almost said "Gate," but then he bit his tongue. What if this was all some clever trick by the homunculi or something? After all, it had been Lust who had brought him here, of all people. Ed swallowed and looked at Al. "The cemetery. I went for a walk to clear my head." 

Al sighed. "That doesn't help. I'm trying to figure out if you have amnesia. I need more... significant events. Do you remember living in Germany? Working on rockets? Eckhart and her portal?"

"What?" Ed hissed, his face adopting an expression of utter confusion. "No, no... None of that. You just told me you and Mei are engaged." 

Al blinked and frowned. "Um, who?" 

"Mei Chang," Ed groaned. "You know, the kid Scar practically adopted? The kickass Xingese princess? Come on, Al, you brought her as your date to my wedding!"

"What?" Al said, his eyebrows shooting up. "Your wedding to who?"

"Uh, Winry?"

The dark-haired woman jumped in with something in the other language, and even though Ed had no idea what she was saying, it sounded angry. Al responded back with something that sounded like he was telling her to calm down, based on what Ed knew of how Al spoke. This language barrier was exhausting.

"Um," Al said, turning back to Ed. "What... year do you last remember in Amestris?"

"Easy, 1922," Ed said with a wave of his hand. "My birthday is coming up in a few weeks."

Al stared at Ed with wide eyes, his mouth hanging open slightly. "The... The last time we saw Amestris, it was 1917 there." 

Ed frowned. "I don't understand." 

"Um..." Al sighed, looking over at the woman, then looking back to Ed. "This is going to be hard to explain, but I think you're from a parallel world." 

Ed frowned at Al. It felt like the more he figured out, the more he realized just how big of a mess he'd gotten himself into. "We're going to be up all night, aren't we? I'm getting too old for this shit."

Chapter Text

Ed frowned and reached for his cup of coffee, only to find it was empty. Oh, right. That was already his second cup of coffee for the night, if you didn't count the couple cups he'd had back in his world before he'd shown up here. Of course those didn't count though. That caffeine couldn't hurt him here, not when he was apparently in an entirely different body. 

"So is all this parallel world stuff why you look so young?" He leaned his head on his arms on the coffee table in front of him, looking over to Al. Early morning sun was just barely starting to peek in through the windows. It was just him and Al now. Noah had eventually gotten tired of relying on Al to translate between her and Ed and she'd stormed off to bed. Ed got the vague feeling she was mad at him for something, but he had no idea what. 

"What're you talking about?" Al said, tilting his head back to get the last sip of his own coffee. "When I got my body back, I was the same age I was before I was armor. It was like my personal clock was... frozen or something." 

Ed stared at Al with wide eyes. "Your body stayed frozen in time while you were in the armor?"

"Well, we're assuming that's what happened," Al said with a shrug. "My body looked like it was that age when Rosé found me, so everyone just assumed... And back then I couldn't remember anything that had happened on our journey, so it just made sense to say I was ten, because that was the last age I could remember being."

"You couldn't even remember anything that had happened?" Ed choked, sitting up and instinctively reaching out to grab Al's sleeve, as if he could protect this baby brother from things that had already happened.

"Yeah, but it's fine," Al said with a practiced smile. "I mean, I got all my memories back when I came over to this side of the Gate, so..."

"You two have really been through the wringer, huh? I mean, your timeline just chewed you up and spat you back out," Ed said, his forehead creased in a deep frown. Al rolled his eyes and snorted slightly, making Ed blink at him.

"Oh, come on," Al said. "I'm sure you had plenty of terrible things happen in your timeline too. I mean, you had to have gone through some big stuff if you managed to get your Al's body back."

"Eh, I guess..." Ed trailed off with a shrug. "I mean, Dad turned out to have an evil twin who wasn't actually his twin but God instead, and then I punched him in the face or whatever. "

Al blinked at Ed with wide eyes. "...What." 

Ed shrugged with a smirk. "I think we're going to need more coffee if we're going to go over all of that." 

Al sighed and looked down at his cup, then up at the windows that were slowly brightening the room. "I'm going to have to start getting ready for work soon, actually." 

"Oh." Ed frowned and leaned back against the sofa behind him. Somehow he had ended up sitting on the floor even though there was a perfectly good sofa. Maybe it was because there he could rest his head on the table while he listened to Al. "Are you going to be able to handle that after pulling an all-nighter?"

"Of course," Al said with a grin. "I'm five years younger than you. My body still knows how to run on sugar and adrenaline for 48 hours straight, unlike your old man body." 

"Ouch!" Ed said with a laugh, holding his hands to his chest as if he'd been shot. "You know, as if it's not bad enough for someone to call me old, it had to be my younger brother, of all people. You traitor." 

Al shrugged with a grin as he stood up, grabbing Ed's and his mugs from the table. "Well, I'm too terrible at lying to do anything other than tell the truth. It's not my fault you don't like the truth." 

Ed rolled his eyes with a small smile, pushing himself into a standing position. It was weird just how easy it was to converse with Al, despite this not being his Al, despite the age difference, despite how different of lives they'd had. Somehow he was still just... Al. Ed couldn't seem to help but just talk to him the same way he always had. Or, the same way he had always talked to his Al, at least. Ed frowned. This parallel world thing was really starting to get to his head. 

"Do I have some sort of job to get to or something?" he said, following Al into the kitchen area. "Because I'm not sure my old man body is up to the task."

Especially not when I wouldn't even know how to do my job, let alone how to even talk to anyone, Ed thought to himself. 

"No," Al said, pulling a can out of a cupboard along with a can opener and a dish. "You and Noah usually go out and perform for tips, but honestly, you won't get good tips when you're tired and Noah's cranky, so you might as well just skip it today." 

"Hm." Ed frowned and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. Okay, so apparently it hadn't just been in his head that Noah was upset about something, because Al had noticed it too. "Did I... Do something to upset her?" 

"No," Al said with a long sigh. "She's... She has a lot on her mind, that's all." 

And apparently, her and the Ed from this world generally spent the day together. Ed wasn't entirely sure how he was going to manage that when they didn't even know how to talk to one another. But before he could question Al further, Al was dumping the contents of the can into the dish, then leaning down to put the dish on the ground and making kissy noises. 

"Muh-Muh!" he called out in a singsong voice. 

"What..." Ed frowned at Al. "Don't tell me you have a cat? I thought you guys were struggling to even feed yourselves properly." 

"It's more of that the cat has us, I think. He followed Ed home one day and just... never left," Al said with a laugh, and then frowned at the still untouched food dish. "He's also lazy. He's waiting to see if I'll bring his food to him. Muh-Muh! Wo sind Sie?"

There was a crash from the room that Ed knew was the bedroom his double and Al shared. After a minute, a large, round black and white cat came waddling out of the bedroom, making his way over to to the food dish with judging eyes. 

"If you're struggling to eat, why is he so..."

"I don't know," Al sighed. "He came to us like this, and no matter what I feed him, he stays like this. I think he must be sneaking out at night and getting food from the neighbors too."

"But... He's the one who moved into your place," Ed said with a laugh. "Why don't you just... not feed him and let him get his food elsewhere?"

"I couldn't do that!" Al said as he put the can opener away. "And besides, he starts breaking into the cabinets and eating our food if we don't feed him." 

"Al, your life is being dictated by a cat," Ed said with a laugh. Al shrugged. 

"Worth it." 

They watched Muh-Muh eat in silence for a minute before Al sighed and turned to the kitchen, pulling out a pan and more potatoes. It seemed like most of their diet was potatoes. Apparently the menu last night had been scheduled to be some sort of... potato cake, if Ed understood correctly, but that recipe had been reliant on eggs to hold the potato shreds together. And his double had apparently been the one tasked with getting eggs, which of course, had never happened. So instead Al had just taken the grated potato bits and fried them as they were along with some seasonings. It wasn't entirely similar to the food Ed was used to having in Amestris, but there was still something vaguely familiar about it. Maybe because it was Al's cooking, and Al couldn't help but add a little Amestrian flavor to his cooking. This time it looked like Al was just dicing the potatoes instead. 

"So... You really think this might just go away with time?" Ed said with a sigh. 

"Maybe. I don't know," Al said with a shrug and a frown as he chopped the potatoes. "It's not exactly what happened with me and the other Al, but you didn't come here like Brother did, so... Who really knows how it works?" 

"The other Al?" Ed frowned and leaned forward. 

"Yeah, the... Uh... The Al from this world," Al said, his voice getting soft and his eyes not meeting Ed's. "He and Ed were living together back when I was still in our world, and sometimes I had dreams through this Al's eyes. But it wasn't like what you're doing right now. I was just a powerless observer. All I could was watch the other Al live his life. I didn't take complete control like whatever is going on with you and Brother." 

"Fascinating," Ed murmured with a frown. He glanced over at Al's skillet of potatoes. "So what happened when you showed up here? Do you still get dreams of what he's doing?" 

"Uh, no," Al said with a frown, jabbing at the potatoes with a wooden spoon. "He, uh, died."

"What?" Ed yelped, no longer leaning casually against the counter. "Are you saying two doubles can't exist in the same world? Am I and the other Ed going to be okay?" 

"No, no!" Al turned towards Ed with wide eyes. "He died from a bullet wound, not because I showed up! I'm sure two doubles can exist simultaneously in the same world!"

"Okay," Ed said, biting his lip. "Well, then if there was an Al in this world, there must have been an Ed too. Where's he?" 

"Uh..." Al looked back to his potatoes, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "Um... He... died..."

"Are you fucking kidding me? How are you so sure two doubles can exist simultaneously? Have you ever seen that actually happening?"

"Well, but, they both died because of other things!" 

"Okay, so how did this world's Ed die?" 

Al swallowed, staring at the potatoes as they sizzled, his eyes wide. Ed grabbed Al's sleeve. He didn't like how it looked like Al didn't have any blood left in his face at all. 

"Alphonse Elric, how did this world's Ed die?"

"I... I don't want to say." 

Ed shook Al's sleeve slightly. "Refusing to tell me won't protect me. It might even do the opposite of protecting me, because I won't be able to be aware of a potential threat. Alphonse. Tell me."

"Um..." Al licked his lips and turned to look at Ed with wide eyes. "Brother showed up in this world once before, where he was in the body of this world's Ed."

Ed's eyes widened with the implication of that. "Wait, and he had control? So it's like what's going on now? But what's that got to do with death?"

"Brother said he didn't really know what was going on," Al said with a deep sigh. "And... And he accidentally got killed."

"But then what happened?" Ed said with a frown. 

"He... came back to his original body. And the Ed from here..." 

"He was just dead because of that little shit's mistake?" Ed screeched, his hands flying to his hair. "Oh shit. Oh shit! And that idiot's running around in my body now?! I'm screwed! I'm so fucking screwed!"

He was interrupted from his panic by the sound of a door slamming, and when he turned to look, Noah was standing just outside the door, her hands on her hips. „Halt’s Maul!“

"Noah!" Al snapped, slamming the spoon down on the counter. Ed glanced over at Al with a frown.

"What? What did she say?" 

"Uh..." Al shrugged. "Shut up, basically." 

Ed raised an eyebrow. That didn't seem like something Al would snap at someone over, but maybe it had different context here. But he didn't have a chance to ask Al for further context, because Al was already off on a lecture to Noah, and Noah was angrily arguing back. Al huffed at her and picked up the wooden spoon, going back to stirring the potatoes. 

"I don't have time for this," Al muttered under his breath. "I have to get to work. Bro- Er, Ed, could you get the plates for me?"

Ed felt like his heart fell to his feet and shattered a little at the sound of Al correcting himself so he wouldn't call Ed his brother. But that was fair, and it wouldn't be fair to expect that of Al. It just hurt in a sense beyond words to realize that Al didn't consider Ed his brother. He wasn't this Al's brother, though, not really. He just happened to be wearing the meat suit that was biologically related to this Al. 

But seeing the words come out of the mouth of someone who looked so much like his actual brother made Ed homesick and heartbroken in a way that felt bigger than his own existence. 

"Uh, sure. Which cabinet are they in?" Ed croaked out, his voice low and soft. He hoped Al would think it was because of Noah yelling. Al directed him to the cabinet on the end while he kept stirring the potatoes, not looking up. Maybe he hadn't even noticed anything off about the way Ed was talking. 

Al took the fried potatoes and divided them between the three plates, and the three of them sat down at the table in silence. Ed hung his head and focused on eating the potatoes. He wasn't entirely sure what to say, not when he didn't even know why Noah was so tense, or what she and Al had been arguing about. Had it been because of something she'd said that made Al correct himself when he started saying "Brother," or had that been just because of Al's own feelings? Ed wasn't even sure which explanation he'd prefer. 

There ended up being silence between the three of them until Al finished eating. Which was something to say, considering Al was usually the slowest eater in any group. But Ed and Noah were mostly pushing potatoes around their plates and only occasionally taking a bite.

"Okay," Al said after he finished his last bite, setting his fork down on the plate with a soft clink before turning to Ed. "I have to go to work. I recommend you just get some sleep and just..." He glanced over at Noah. "...Just stay low-key and out of one another's way. We'll figure out more tonight. There's not much to do here, but... You're welcome to read any books we have around." 

Ed gave Al a weak smile and nodded. Somehow, Al was only eighteen here, and he was already so mature. Or maybe he always had been that mature, and it took seeing Al so much younger to understand just how mature he really was. Could Ed claim he would have been that calm and mature in the face of someone yelling at him when he was eighteen? 

„Und Noah..." Al said, turning to her with a sigh. He then said something to her that sounded like some sort of lecture, if Ed knew anything about Al. Whatever he was saying definitely had some sort of effect on Noah, her face crumbling and shoulders slumping. She shot Ed a quick glance as Al spoke, immediately whipping her face back when she saw Ed was looking at her. Al finished with some sort of question, after which Noah gave him a long, hard stare. 

„Ja," she finally said with a huff. Al said something in response to that, and then Noah stormed off to her room, closing the door forcefully behind her. At least she wasn't slamming it anymore, Ed noted. 

"What did you say to her?" Ed said with a frown, looking away from the bedroom door and over to Al. 

"I just reminded her that Brother gave her more of a chance when he first met her than she's giving you now," Al said with a sigh. Ed itched with questions at that, but Al was already pulling on his coat. Besides, Al usually wasn't vague for no reason. But, it hardly seemed fair that he was an Ed himself, and still secrets of this other Ed's life were being kept from him.

"By the way, there's something you should know about Noah," Al said, pulling on a scarf. "I'm only going to tell you myself instead of letting her because she said she'd prefer me telling you, and you honestly need to know."

"Oh." Ed frowned and stood up, leaning his hands on the table. "What is it?"

Al took a deep breath and then looked Ed straight in the eyes. "Noah can see into anyone's memories if she touches them."

Ed swallowed. He prided himself on knowing Al pretty damn well after everything they'd been through. This Al hadn't been through the same things as him, but this was still Al, and Ed knew he'd be able to tell in a second if Al was lying to him. No, Al was absolutely dead serious. And honestly, telepathy hardly seemed like the weirdest thing they'd ever seen. Ed sighed. "Okay."

"Okay?" Al said, raising his eyebrows. "You're not skeptical?"

"Nah, I trust you," Ed said, straightening up and stretching his back a little. Sitting on the floor for hours, pulling an all-nighter, and having automail again certainly weren't doing him any favors. "Does it get... I dunno, dampened by clothes?"

"No," Al said, shaking his head and pulling on a scarf. "But emotions will affect it. If you're feeling really strongly, she can see more. That's why she immediately knew you weren't the right Ed last night."

And here Ed had been beating himself up all night thinking it was because he'd slipped up and called her Rosé in his confusion. Though it's not like he'd really needed to hide who he was from Al and Noah, so maybe it was ultimately better that they'd found out quickly. Then again, it didn't seem like Noah felt that way. Maybe she would have preferred if he'd found a way to pretend to be the other Ed. Oh well, it was too late to backtrack and pretend everything was normal now. 

"Okay, so Noah's psychic. Anything else I should know?"

Al cracked a small grin. Good, he wasn't as angry as earlier. "No, that should be it. Do you think you'll be all set for the day?" 

"I'm sure I'll be fine," Ed said with a smirk and a shrug. "I'm a grown man, Al. You worry too much. You just go have a good day at work." 

"I will," Al said, and then the two had a long minute of silence looking at each other. What was the proper way to end a conversation with your brother's double, anyway? The sort of thing they normally said to each other here was "I love you," but that just seemed like a bit much with someone you hardly knew. Ed chuckled and held his arms out. 

"Uh, want a hug?" That seemed like a safe enough bet. Al beamed. 

"Really? If you're okay with it!"

"Yeah, of course," Ed said with a chuckle, and then Al was thudding against him in a tight hug. Ed squeezed him back, closing his eyes. 

There, in that moment of a hug where Al couldn't see him, he mouthed the words "I love you," and hoped that maybe back in his world, Al was dreaming and would know he was saying it. 

After that, Al left for work, and the house was empty and quiet. Ed sighed at Noah's closed door and went off to the room that he'd been told earlier was for him and Al. Well, his double and Al. What made Ed most embarrassed though was the fact that he didn't even need to be told which bed was his as soon as he stepped in the room. One of the beds was neatly made with the corners tucked in, and the other one was an absolute tangle of sheets and blanket with some papers and a dirty plate thrown on top. Ed hung his head and started clearing the papers and plate off the messy bed. He hadn't even managed to pull the sheets into some sort of order before he had collapsed on the bed in pure exhaustion.

Ed thought that he would end up sleeping through the entire day because of how tired he was, but apparently his parental instincts were stronger than his exhaustion. So when Noah started moving around the apartment, making floorboards creak and moving pots and pans around, well, apparently the parent part of him heard that even while he was dead asleep and told his brain to wake up. 

Which was how Ed ended up awake in his room and unsure what to do with himself as he heard Noah moving around. Al had said to try and stay out of each other's way, and Ed was inclined to agree. But what was he supposed to do? He couldn't very well go out to wander the city when he didn't speak the language and couldn't even read a map. He couldn't even be entirely sure that he understood how this world worked. Like, was it normal that Noah was psychic? Was it just that everyone in this world was psychic? Or just her? 

There was a handful of books on the dresser, which Ed totally picked up and tried to read before realizing of course he wouldn't be able to read books in a language he didn't speak. He and Alphonse had both forgotten that important detail. 

Ed ended up looking around the room, not sure whether it counted as snooping or not. He felt almost like a visitor (even if it was Al), but he also technically lived here. Well, the body he was currently using lived here, which counted for him, right? But with Noah out of her room, that meant Ed was trapped in the bedroom, and if he couldn't read, that left him with nothing to do other than poking around the room. Ed almost considered looking at the books anyway, just to see if he could start figuring out a German word here and there, but he had a feeling it would just frustrate him without Al to help him. 

The most interesting thing he managed to find was a worn suitcase shoved under his bed. There were a bunch of papers inside, covered in his own handwriting. Weird. It was something technical Ed couldn't entirely understand, especially since most of it was written in German. Every now and then, Ed could recognize a word here and there. Some of the Amestrian bits were clearly things his double had never meant for others to read, like the one frustrated scribble that said "This would be so much easier with alchemy, damn it." There was another time where the other Ed had apparently thought the best place to write a grocery list was on the side of one of these scientific papers. Other times though, it seemed like the other Ed had just forgotten he was writing in the wrong language, with half a word hastily scribbled out before continuing on in the German. 

And buried underneath all these papers was a small book covered in worn leather. Ed turned it over in his hands a couple of times before flipping open to the first page. 

3.10.1921

No one in this world will understand this language anyway, so I guess I don't have to bother with a code anymore. Relief? Not really. I feel like shit today, but I guess that's expected-

Ed stared at the book with wide eyes before slamming it shut and putting it back on the bed. Okay, maybe this other Ed was his double, but reading the other guy's journal still seemed invasive. Was it possible to snoop on your other self, anyway? It didn't matter, Ed still felt like he was intruding on things he had no business messing with. Which was especially weird when it was concerning something written in his language, in his handwriting. 

"Ed?" There was a quiet knock at the door, and Ed looked over with wide eyes. He closed the suitcase and shoved it back under the bed before standing up and going over to the door. What would Noah want with him, anyway? 

"Um, yes?" he said as he opened the door. Noah gave him a weak smile. Huh. Was she not mad at him anymore?

"Ed... hungry?" she said pantomiming eating. Ed blinked at her. 

"Wait, you can speak Amestrian?" Noah hummed and bit her lip. 

"Tiny." 

Ed frowned, thinking for a minute that maybe she was making a jab at his height before he realized she meant she could only speak a tiny bit of Amestrian. Had Al and the other Ed been teaching her? They must have, since no one else in this world even knew the language. 

(He didn't want to think about why "tiny" would have been important enough for her to remember in her handful of words.)

"Um... Yes. Hungry," Ed said, giving her a grin and rubbing at the back of his neck with his left hand. "Food?"

"Food," Noah agreed with a nod, moving away from the door. Ed followed behind her and was greeted by the smell of cabbage and potatoes. Noah was in front of a large pot in the kitchen, ladling soup into a bowl. He had no idea what had caused the sudden change of heart for her to have gone from yelling at him to suddenly serving him food, but he wasn't about to complain. Especially not when the food smelled so good and his stomach felt so empty.

"Any chance I could get another cup of coffee?" Ed said before realizing he should have maybe said less if he wanted Noah to have a better chance of understanding him. She looked away from the pot and frowned at him. 

„Kaffee?" she said. Ed could vaguely remember Al saying the same word the night before at some point, so he nodded, and Noah's eyebrows scrunched together even more. "Very... Ah... Very... very money." 

Ed blinked at her for a minute, trying to put together what she was saying. "Oh, are you saying it's expensive?" 

Noah's eyes lit up like she recognized the word, and she nodded frantically at Ed. He felt his stomach slide to his feet. Coffee was apparently really expensive here, and Al hadn't even hesitated to make him not just one, but two mugs of it the other night. Of course he had though. He was Al. He would find a way to give the moon to Ed if Ed asked him. 

"Okay, no coffee," Ed said with a wave of his hand. "Just soup."

Noah smiled and held out the bowl of soup she had been serving. „Die Suppe." 

„Die Suppe," Ed repeated with a grin. At least now he knew two words, coffee and soup. But just as he reached to take the bowl of soup from her, his right arm suddenly left out a metallic screech and fell limp to his side. Ed stared at his arm in horror. It had sounded like the dying screams of some sort of animal, not like the sort of sound any automail should ever make. 

"Shit," Ed murmured, looking down at his arm, soup forgotten. Noah frowned. 

"I... fixing?" 

"What, can you?" Ed said, looking away from the arm and up at her. Noah bit her lip. 

"Touching." 

Ed frowned for a minute, trying to figure out what she was getting at. Touching? Had he touched his arm to something he shouldn't have? And then it suddenly clicked for him and he almost felt embarrassed. She was asking for permission to touch him. God, had people really been cruel enough to refuse to touch her just because she could see into their memories? 

Yes, yes people would absolutely be that cruel, Ed realized as he looked at her terrified face. Of course they would be. 

"Noah," he said softly, and then reached out to lay a hand gently on her shoulder. She jumped at the contact and looked at him with wide eyes. "Touching yes. I'm not scared of you." 

Something in Noah broke then, and tears started streaming down her face. "Edward." 

More than even when Al had dropped some tantalizing hints, Ed found that he was so curious to know what all had happened when Noah and his double had met. Had he been scared when he'd heard of her power? Or had he accepted it immediately like Ed was doing now? Judging from Noah's reaction, Ed was more inclined to guess the second. 

"I fixing," Noah said, wiping the tears away and reaching for Ed's arm. She braced a hand first on the back side of his automail, right at his shoulder, and then she reached up and gave his shoulder joint a hard smack. Ed nearly yelped in surprise. This was considered "fixing" automail? Winry would kill him, she'd never— Oh, wait. Right. It was a miracle he even had automail, really. But to his surprise, the unorthodox method actually worked, and his arm was moving again. Noah must have seen that problem come up several times before if she knew exactly how to fix it. 

"Huh," he said, flexing his fingers and looking down. "There must be a loose wire in there that keeps getting jostled." 

Noah was pulling away from him, giving him a look like she was trying to figure him out. Ed shrugged at her before turning and poking at his shoulder, wondering if there was a way he could look inside. He was hoping Noah would understand he was just talking to himself. He had no idea how to translate when he was just thinking out loud. But Noah shook her head. 

"You... father?" 

Ed froze in his examination of his arm, his breath catching. He had trusted Al when he'd said Noah was psychic, of course, but it was another thing to see it in action. He hadn't told Al and Noah last night that he and Winry had kids. He knew that knowing that bit of information would make Al feel even worse, even though none of this was Al's fault. Though he had to admit, he hadn't avoided talking about them just to protect Al's feelings. It still hurt to think about them, to wonder how they were managing, even if he hadn't even been gone a full day yet. Was the other Ed putting them down for a nap right now? 

"Yeah," he whispered, slowly moving his eyes to meet Noah's. "Yeah, I'm a father."

There was a long moment between the two of them. Noah eventually turned back to the soup and poured another bowl before grabbing both bowls and carrying them over to the table. Ed shrugged and followed her. His arm having a minor glitch didn't mean he was suddenly incapable of carrying his own soup, but he didn't know how to communicate that many words to Noah without seeming offensive, anyway. 

"Your childrens..." Noah said as she set the bowls on the table. Ed paused, and she turned around to look at him, a smile slowly stretching across her face. "Beautiful." 

Ed smiled back at her, despite the lump in his throat. "They really are, aren't they?" 

The two of them ate their soup mostly in silence. Somehow, it wasn't the same awkward, tense silence that had been present when they had eaten breakfast in silence that morning. The soup surprised Ed a little. It wasn't really unfamiliar food, but it also wasn't familiar. The ingredients were similar to a soup he remembered Granny making, but the spices were just a touch different. The potatoes and cabbage even tasted just slightly different. Not enough to not taste like something else; he could still recognize that he was eating cabbage and potatoes. It was just enough to remind him how far away from home he really was. 

„Die Suppe," Ed said hesitantly, unsure how bad his accent was. Noah looked up at him, her eyes bright and shining. Okay, it was at least good enough that she liked hearing him try. "Um... Die Suppe... Delicious?" 

„Danke schön!" Noah said, beaming at him. 

„Danke schön?" 

„Ja! Danke schön!" Noah nodded. "Ah... Thank you... very!"

Ed tried to hold back a chuckle. Once she wasn't slamming doors and glaring daggers at him, she was actually pretty adorable. "Yes. Thank you very." Normally he would have corrected her, but it wasn't like she was going to end up in Amestris someday and embarrass herself. What did it matter if she said a few things slightly wrong when she would only be using this language with Ed and Al, anyway? And hey, he also had managed to learn a phrase, and a pretty useful one, at that. 

„Danke schön, Noah," Ed said, and then gestured towards his empty soup bowl. "For... uh... Die Suppe." 

Noah blinked at him, raising her eyebrows. "You... learner fast!" 

"Yeah. Genius," Ed said with a defeated chuckle. Noah laughed with him, so he was guessing it was a word his other self had used often enough for Noah to learn. He didn't want to spend too long examining what that said about his personality. 

But when he thought about it, he was still learning fairly fast, even for him. After all, this was a language he had never heard before the past 24 hours, and he was already getting comfortable enough to assemble very basic sentences. He was also already feeling pretty comfortable with the sound of German. And when he thought about it, it didn't feel so much like he was learning brand new information as much as remembering something he'd forgotten. The thought fascinated Ed, and he only had two possible ideas about why that was happening. Either the physical brain had managed to hold on to some memories, or he had encountered German in the Gate and then forgotten most of it. Either way, Ed was curious to see if he could unlock more memories about the language. After all, the sooner he learned to speak German, the sooner he wouldn't be struggling to talk with Noah or even go out of the house. 

Ed picked up the bowls as he thought, stacking them together and planning to take them to the sink to wash them off. But before he could get all the way from the table to the sink, his arm went limp again, making him drop the dishes with a loud crash. 

"Agh! Shit!" Ed said, smacking his shoulder angrily. Okay, forget tapping into hidden memories, he needed to fix the damn arm first. It was going to drive him absolutely crazy otherwise. He sighed and bent down, picking up the shards of the dishes with his automail hand. Well, that was admittedly a useful skill he had kind of missed having.

Noah bent down and helped him, bringing over a dustpan and sweeping up the bits he couldn't pick off the floor. He didn't know how to say it with words she would understand, but he was grateful for the quiet support. She wasn't yelling at him or telling him to shut up like she had earlier that morning, she was just helping him pick up yet another one of the messes he seemed to always have around him. 

Once they had managed to get the broken dishes cleaned up and taken care of, Ed sighed and started unbuttoning his vest, and then the shirt underneath. Noah didn't notice at first, preoccupied with taking care of the soup. When she turned around and saw him peeling off his shirt, she sucked in a breath. Ed glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow. 

"Arm," he said, waving his right arm at her. "Uh... automail. Fix. Uh... mechanic... Tiny. Tiny mechanic." 

He nearly screamed as soon as the words left his mouth. He had only thought about how best to communicate to her, not what the words would sound like when they got strung together. Noah noticed his stricken expression and giggled at him, so Ed took a deep breath, shook his head, and tried to go back to focusing on the automail. 

„Die Automail?" 

Ed paused and looked back at Noah, his shirt unbuttoned but still on him otherwise. Of course she knew that word. It was probably a word his double said all the time. "Uh, yeah, automail." 

Noah nodded and turned in the direction of his and Al's room, gesturing for him to follow her. She immediately went straight for his closet, while Ed sat on the bed and actually pulled off his shirt so he could finally take a decent look at his arm for the first time. But before he had a chance to fully focus his attention on the automail, his attention was first drawn to the large scar in the middle of his chest. It was a massive scar that almost looked like he had been ripped apart, and it kind of reminded him of a scar he had back home, only his was a little lower and more to one side. 

He could remember something Al had said about how he had needed to save Ed and then Ed had decided to sacrifice himself for Al instead. Or whatever a mess of a solution it was, because the explanation had certainly been hard to keep track of. Al had been so distraught even in telling that little bit that Ed had decided not to probe any deeper. It suddenly made sense why Al had needed to save his double, and why he had turned around and sacrificed himself for Al. His double had died. Or at least, it seemed pretty damn likely, with a scar that bad in that vital of a location. 

It was kind of funny, in a weird way. He had also been wounded in a pretty similar way, and he and his Al had also played a bit of a game of sacrifice chicken. Were two Eds just bound to end up with fairly similar lives, even if their worlds were so drastically different? 

Once he had pulled attention away from the scar and was instead paying attention to the automail, he found himself baffled. The entire arm was covered with some sort of rubbery material that looked sort of like skin. It was definitely a nice touch and Ed was surprised the other him had found an innovative solution for hiding his automail, but when Ed squeezed at the covering, it felt like what was under it was pretty rudimentary. It was basically only automail by the most basic of technical definitions. Aka, it at least managed to take energy from his body and signals from his brain in order to operate, but it was only barely managing that, it seemed. Ed was suddenly grateful he hadn't had anything more intense happen other than the interaction with Winry the previous day. He wasn't sure how he would even make this arm move fast enough in a fight, not when it seemed like it was half reliant on clockwork. Hell, it moving that fast would probably generate a ton of heat and destroy the nice skin cover, anyway. 

"Aha!" Noah declared from the closet, and suddenly she was dragging out a giant box. It was too heavy for her to lift, so instead, she just wiggled it out of the closet and motioned for Ed to come over. Without her in the closet, Ed could suddenly see past her and noticed there were a couple tall boxes in the closet that were storing what looked like spare arms and legs. Useful. He wondered why his alternate self hadn't just given up on this half-broken arm and traded it out for a new one, considering he had spares just lying in wait. 

But the best surprise came when Noah wiggled the lid off the box and revealed two shiny limbs. There was no way Ed couldn't recognize exactly whose handiwork it was as soon as he saw it. 

"Winry," he said, his voice tight as he reached out to touch a couple fingers to the metal. The automail definitely wasn't in good shape. The front plate was just taped on, having only one of its screws left, and it looked like it had been used until it had been practically falling off. And the two limbs had been carefully packed away in this box for who knows how long, probably because his alternate self couldn't bear to get rid of the only piece of Winry he had left. Still, it was miles ahead of what was currently on his arm. It looked like he'd probably have to make some major adjustments to Winry's work if he was going to make it work with this world's technology, not to mention all the repairs he'd have to do, but it was at least a much better starting point. 

„Danke schön, Noah," Ed said, reaching up to wipe away the tear that had fallen down his cheek. God, he hadn't expected to get this choked up just because of automail. After all, he'd only been away from her for a day! But it still somehow felt like a precious gift. "This will help. A lot."

But Noah wasn't looking at Ed. Instead, she was staring intently at the journal Ed had thrown on the bed earlier when she had knocked on his door. She turned to him, saying something in German that he was absolutely clueless about, but he heard his own name in there, so he figured she was telling him something about how it didn't belong to him. 

"I know, I know!" he said, standing up and waving his hands. "As soon as I realized what it was, I stopped reading!" 

She had a lot more to say to him about that, babbling in German at a speed that made his head spin and jabbing her finger into his chest a couple of times. Ed could definitely tell she was angry—he was bad at picking up signals sometimes, but he wasn't that bad—but he had no idea what he could say that would help her feel better. 

But before he had much chance to say anything else, she was storming out of the room again. Ed looked helplessly after her. Well, so much for getting along. 

Chapter Text

Apparently, Al was kind of important in this world for some reason. So far, Ed counted that Winry had been transferred to three different people who all assured her that they would connect her to "young master Alphonse" as soon as possible. The entire thing baffled Ed. Were these servants of some sort? Why would Al even have servants, anyway? Eventually though, someone did manage to connect them to Al, and a worried but groggy voice came through the speaker. 

"Winry? What's wrong?" 

The voice was so achingly familiar that Ed's fingers tightened against the phone box. He and Winry had the receiver between the two of them, both leaning their heads together so they could hear. 

"I'm sorry, Al, I know it's the middle of the night—" Winry started.

"Morning, actually," Al said. Ed frowned at that. That meant that Al was even further away than he had first guessed, somewhere to the east so he would get the sun rising before them. But Resembool was about as far east as you could get before you were out of the country. Was Al in another country? "I'm supposed to be getting up soon anyway. Is something wrong?" 

"Um," Winry looked up at Ed with a frown. "Yes and no. For starters, um. Well... We think Ed had a heart attack." 

"WHAT?!" Al's screech was so loud that both Ed and Winry instinctively flinched away from the speaker. 

"It's okay, Al! He's fine!" Winry said quickly. "We're going to take him to the doctor and get him checked out, but he's okay!" She then nudged Ed with her shoulder and gestured to the phone, and Ed suddenly realized she was encouraging him to say something. 

"Um, yeah, I'm okay," Ed said, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "Don't worry Al, it's going to take more than that to take me down." 

"Oh my god," Al said, and all the grogginess from before was gone. "This is all my fault, I'm so sorry. I thought it would be better to tell you before you came out here so you and Winry would be prepared, but I should have just waited to tell you in person instead... I... God. Brother, you could have died, and all just because..." Al cut off with a choked sound, and Ed realized he was crying.  "Dammit."

Ed's eyes widened. To get Al to the point of swearing must mean it was pretty bad. What exactly had Al and the other Ed been talking about that Al was so worried about? Ed was positively itching with questions, but he had no idea how to ask Al any of them when Winry was sitting right there with them. He couldn't tell Al anything without revealing it to her as well, and he didn't want to do that. 

"It's okay, Al, it's not your fault," Ed said, tightening his fingers against the phone. 

"Okay, but that's not even the reason I called," Winry said with a sigh. "It's important, but Ed's okay, and I wouldn't want to wake you up just to terrify you over something you can't do anything about." 

"There's more?" 

"When I came down to the kitchen, Ed was doing alchemy." 

Ed resisted the urge to huff at her. He felt almost like he was getting tattled on, like he had some sort of alchemy addiction that needed to be reported on whenever he slipped. Meanwhile, the other side of the phone had gone completely silent. 

"Al, are you still there?" Winry said, leaning her ear closer to the speaker like she would be able to hear Al breathing. Al let out a shaky breath. 

"H-How?"

"That was what I was wondering," Winry said, looking up and raising an eyebrow at Ed. "He said the heart attack had rewired his brain." 

"He what." 

"Okay, it was just a guess!" Ed snapped. He was feeling like a child who had been dragged into a meeting with his teacher and parents in order to talk about his "behavior problems."

"That's a terrible guess, Brother," Al said in a flat tone. "So what's the real guess that you don't want to tell us?" 

Ed licked his lips, looking away from the phone to look at Winry. She was frowning at him like she could figure out what was going on just by looking at him. Ed sighed and hung his head. 

"Could I... talk to Al alone, please, Winry?" Ed's voice was soft, but silence fell over the three of them as soon as he said it. Winry looked at Ed for a long minute, licking her lips and frowning. 

"Sure. Of course," she eventually murmured, handing the phone over to Ed. He opened his mouth to say something to her, but before he could even figure out what he would say, she was already out of the room. Ed groaned and punched the air. He had gone and messed up again and managed to hurt her feelings like he always had. How was he going to keep up the husband illusion at this rate? 

"What the heck is going on?" Al said. Ed sighed. He would just have to deal with Winry later. 

"Al, I think I'm from a parallel universe." 

A long moment of silence stretched over the two of them, and the longer the moment went, the more Ed felt like all his hopes were suddenly shattering. It wasn't the sort of silence that meant Al was just trying to process something before he spoke. This was the sort of silence that was uncomfortable and awkward, like Al was trying to figure out what to say that wouldn't upset Ed further. But this was Al! Al was supposed to understand anything Ed could throw at him. Al wasn't supposed to just sit here in silence like this. Eventually, there was a soft sigh from Al's side of the phone. 

"Brother, you just had a heart attack," Al said, and Ed nearly screamed. 

"No! No, this is not how this is supposed to go!" Ed snapped at the phone. "You're supposed to listen and tell me some idea of what I should do!"

"What you should do is go to the doctor like Winry wants—"

"Look, if I'm not from an alternate dimension, then how come I can do alchemy?"

There was another long, silent pause, and Ed bit his tongue to resist the urge to say "I told you so." He was supposed to be an adult by now, and dammit, he could actually act like that if he tried. 

"Okay," Al said, taking a deep breath. "Okay. So how do you know you're from another world?" 

"Well, I can remember it, for one," Ed said with a snort and a roll of his eyes. "I have a brain full of another language and rocket blueprints that are useless in this world. For two, I can do alchemy. I don't know what your guy did to make it so he couldn't do that anymore, but whatever he did doesn't apply to me. And for three, this has happened to me before."

"Wait, but..." Al groaned, and Ed could almost hear the gears in Al's brain turning. After a long minute, Al sighed. "You're... serious, aren't you?"

"Why wouldn't I be serious about something like this?" Ed hissed at the phone. 

"Okay, okay," Al said with a sigh. "I'm coming out there. I know you and Winry were going to come out for your birthday, but I don't think you should be traveling right now. Mei and I will come out to you instead. Can you handle waiting for that?" 

"Just how far away are you?" Ed frowned at the phone. 

"Brother... Please, just... Go to the doctor like Winry wants you to. You're worrying me." 

Ed groaned and ran a hand through his hair. "Ugh, Al—!"

"I can call you before we set out tonight, okay? I'm going to have to make a lot of preparations, though." 

"Yeah, okay, fine." Ed groaned, rubbing at his forehead. Maybe if he had a day to think on it, he would be better able to explain things to Al. After all, this was supposed to be Al, of all people. He was supposed to understand what Ed was getting at no matter what. The problem had to be that Ed just wasn't explaining it properly. That had to be it. If he just figured out how to explain it better, then Al would actually understand. 

"I love you, Brother," Al said softly. "Please take care of yourself and stay safe." 

"I'll do my best," Ed said with a snort. He certainly always tried to stay safe, it was just the trouble always found him anyway. And somehow he was the one who ended up getting blamed for being reckless. "Love ya too." 

Ed hung up the phone with a soft click, wondering what he was going to do next. Here he had been so sure that calling Al would fix everything, that he would know what to do if he just had Al on his side. And now he somehow felt even more lost than he had before calling Al. What was he going to? He wasn't even able to get tips and tricks from Al on what he was supposed to be doing in this world or how he could better blend in. He didn't even theoretically know where Al was traveling from that was so far away they had a time difference. 

But as Ed sat and thought, he realized he could hear a soft noise coming from somewhere else in the house. Was that... Winry? Ed frowned and followed the sound until he was back at her bedroom—their bedroom—and he could hear crying coming from behind the door. 

"Winry?" he said, slowly pushing the door open and peeking in. Winry wiped at her eyes with the backs of her hands, sniffling as she looked up at him. Ed took small steps towards her, feeling unsure what he was supposed to do. But if the two of them were theoretically married, that meant that the other Ed had to usually be comforting her during moments like this instead of just tucking his tail and running. Which was what Ed wanted to do, what he normally did. But he had to somehow be better than that this time. 

"Um," Ed sat down on the bed next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong, Winry?"

"What's wrong?" Winry repeated, her sobs turning slightly hysterical. Ed winced. Okay, maybe not the right move, then. "What's wrong is that I thought we were past this by now!" 

"Past... What, exactly?"

Winry groaned and gestured her hands towards Ed. "This! You and Al and you secret discussions and your alchemy weirdness and you never ever telling me anything and leaving me behind—!"

Ed felt like his heart was breaking just hearing her say it. Sure, she wasn't the Winry from his world, but that was exactly what he had done to her, wasn't it? The biggest thing she and his Winry had in common was the fact that he'd always left her behind. Ed reached out and grabbed her hands. Winry looked up at him with watery eyes, expecting him to say something, but Ed couldn't think of anything that seemed good enough for a moment like this.

"You're right," he whispered, looking up and connecting his eyes with hers. "You're right, I've been leaving you out of things and relying on old habits, and you don't deserve that." 

"I just want to be a team, Ed," Winry said, reaching her hand out and touching his cheek. "And I will love and support you no matter what. But I can't do that if you don't let me in." 

Ed swallowed and nodded at her. He was almost half-tempted to throw hypothetical situations at her where she wouldn't support him, because it seemed that unbelievable to him. But he also knew he couldn't do that and hurt her even further by showing that he didn't actually believe her. Unable to think of words, he just settled for leaning in and giving her a tight hug. Winry was immediately hugging him back, burying her face against his chest. 

"Since when did I get taller than you, anyway?" Ed said, feeling his chin come to rest naturally on top of her head. Winry let out a wet chuckle. 

"Ugh, I know, right? So unfair." 

Ed snorted. "You'd better be careful, or I'll revoke your hug privileges." 

"Noooo," Winry protested with a chuckle, burying her face deeper against him and squeezing her arms around him a little tighter. Ed chuckled. 

He meant it when he said she was right. She really was. She didn't deserve to have her supposed husband keeping secrets and dancing circles around her. The thought terrified him to his very core, but she deserved to know something. She deserved to at least be given the chance to prove she really would support him no matter what. 

"Okay, Win," he said, pulling away from her slightly and looking her in the eyes. "Let me explain what's happening."

Winry blinked at him and then flicked a stray tear out of her eye. "Okay...?" 

"Okay, um." Ed frowned and twisted his hands together. "Do you know what a parallel world is?"

"Um..."

"Right," Ed sighed. "So... Uh... What's an important... Okay, remember when I chose to be a State Alchemist?" 

"Of course," Winry said with a smile and snort. 

"Okay, but there were several different choices that could have happened there. I could have just chosen to be happy with what I had. Or I could have chosen to take longer recovering from my automail instead of immediately rushing in." 

"Right..." Winry was looking at him like she was lost on how exactly this even connected to anything. 

"Okay, so... When people picture those other choices, they sometimes just picture them disappearing into nothing. But what if they didn't disappear? What if time and space were so fluid that all these different realities could exist simultaneously? Like, when you make a choice, you're not actually making a choice, because all the possible choices in the entire universe are happening at once, and have already have happened-"

Winry chuckled, and Ed looked at her with wide eyes. "I have no idea what you're talking about, but it's adorable when you get into hardcore scientist mode." 

"Win!" Ed groaned. "Okay, too cerebral. Just picture this then. For every choice you've ever made, picture that there's another world out there where you made the choice one of the other ways. Just... Imagine infinite Winrys out there. Sometimes you two would have almost everything in common except maybe... I dunno, maybe she wears her hair like Hawkeye. But other times maybe things would be so different that you would even wonder what you had in common." 

"Okay," Winry said, raising an eyebrow. "Are you going somewhere with this?" 

"Does it make sense so far?" 

"Yeah, yeah," Winry sighed. "All the choices could lead to a whole different world and the Winry in one of those worlds is totally different. What does that have to do with—"

"I'm one of those other Eds," Ed jumped in before she could finish her sentence. "I'm not from this world, Winry." 

Winry stared at him for a long minute, swallowing wordlessly and looking him over. "What do you mean? Because you're still wearing the same clothes..."

"It's still your Ed's body. It's just my mind that's different. It's like I'm just... him instead of... him being him." 

"Well, where did he go?"

Ed hung his head and looked at the bedspread. "I don't know." 

A long minute of silence passed between the two of them. Trying to think about where the other Ed had gone to was definitely something Ed didn't want to dwell on. He hadn't really wanted to think about it the last time he had landed in another Ed's body either. 

"Well, how do know you're not my Ed?" Winry said, and Ed couldn't bear to bring his eyes up to look at her. "If you had a heart attack, maybe something went wrong in your brain— Wait, hang on, did you actually have a heart attack?"

"The stuff about feeling dizzy and stuff actually happened to me, it just happened in my world. So if you think I had a heart attack, that's probably what happened," Ed said with a sigh. Finally, he dragged his gaze up to actually look at her. "I'm sure I'm not the Ed from here, Winry. I can remember a whole other language that doesn't even exist here. I'm pretty sure my brain wouldn't just make that up because it was having a bad day." 

"Well..." Winry hummed. "You'd be surprised what brains can do, actually." 

"Are you saying you don't believe me?" 

Their eyes connected for a long minute, without needing any words to be spoken. Eventually, Winry broke the connection with a sigh, glancing down at the bedspread and twisting her fingers together. 

"No... I think I do believe you."

Ed nearly jumped out of his skin in surprise. "What? You do?" 

"Something about you has been... just slightly off ever since I brought you home from the cemetery. I could tell it wasn't just you being upset, it was like... I don't know, like everything was just a degree or two off from where it was supposed to be."

Ed just gaped at Winry. Here he had been afraid he would break her heart, and yet she was somehow handling this news better than Al had. She wasn't just shutting off her emotions from shock, was she? Well, if she was, it wasn't unexpected. It had taken Ed a while to adjust when he had first realized he was stuck in the other world with his dad.

"Winry," he said, taking her hands and holding them again. "It's okay if you're upset or mad at me, or if you don't believe me or something." 

Winry gave him a small smile. "You said these worlds happen from all the different choices that we could have made at one point, right?"

"Well, sort of, but..." 

"Well, wouldn't that mean that at one point, you and the Ed I've known were the same Ed?" 

Ed stared at her, unbelieving. No wonder his double had married her. She was absolutely freaking incredible, to be given information like this and somehow take it without even flinching. "Well, sort of. But also like... all time exists at once." 

"So you're still both connected to the greater Ed, then." 

Ed frowned and thought on the idea. "I mean... kind of. It's also sort of nothing like that at all, but... Sort of, yeah."

"Well, I love all of you, then," Winry said with a shrug. "I love the greater Ed. I would love every single one of your lives." 

"Don't say that!" Ed said, choking. "There's literally infinite potential universes, Winry! What if there was... I dunno, like, a universe where I'd murdered you or something?"

"That would have to be a pretty terrible world with terrible circumstances," Winry said, frowning at him. She then squeezed his hands. "I'd feel terrible for you, but you'd still be Ed underneath it all. So I would still love you." 

Ed just stared at Winry for a minute. She wasn't actually understanding what she was saying. She had to just be repeating the sort of romantic stuff that was in novels. She was just responding out of shock, or tiredness, or... something. Because there was no way that Winry would just accept all of this that easily when Al had practically brushed him off. 

"Geez, you're really taking this better than Al," Ed muttered. "You sure you're not in shock or something?" 

"Why, how did Al react?" 

Ed sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand. He shivered when he realized he could feel the sweat that was beading on the back of his neck. Oh, right, he had an arm. Weird. He flicked his eyes up to the ceiling as he spoke. 

"He said I needed to please, please see the doctor because the heart attack must have gotten me all confused. And then he said he was going to come out here and he'd call before he left tonight. I don't even know where he's coming from in the first place!" 

"Xing," Winry said with a sigh, moving her hands from his and holding his arms instead. Ed turned from looking at the ceiling to look at her. 

"Xing?" he whispered, tears springing to his eyes. "Why is he in Xing? Does he hate me or something in this world?"

"No, no," Winry said with a small laugh and shake of her head. "Oh, Ed, no. He just fell in love with a Xingese princess." 

Ed blinked as he processed that little nugget of information. Well, that would explain the phone getting passed around between servants and such. And if anyone was suited to be trained in a million and one rules of etiquette as a condition of their marriage, well, Al was probably the best candidate possible. "Oh." 

"We should probably go to bed though," Winry said with a sigh, glancing over at the small clock on the nightstand. "I mean, the kids will probably be waking us up in three hours or so, and even if we want to stay up all night asking each other questions—"

The thought of staying up all night definitely sounded exhausting, and Ed sighed. They would definitely need coffee if they were going to do something like that. At the thought of coffee though, his face suddenly brightened. "Oh! I don't have to do weird deals working with Fritz just to get coffee anymore! I can have as much as I want again!" 

"Oh, no, mister!" Winry snapped, shaking her finger at him. "You just had a heart attack, you are absolutely not having anything with caffeine until further notice!" 

"What?! But we don't even know if this body had a heart attack! What if that only happened in my world?"

"What if that happened because you were drinking way too much coffee?" Winry said, shaking her finger at him. "No. You would do better to just try and get as much sleep as possible." 

Ed glanced down at the bed, the one bed in the room and let out a weak chuckle. Admittedly, the thought of staying up all night sounded way more preferable to him. He and Al did it all the time when they were discussing some theory or just got caught up in conversation. Apparently, Winry was more responsible than him and Al, though. No surprise there, really. She looked at Ed in confusion for a moment, her eyes flicking down to the bed and then up to him again. Ed could see the moment when it clicked for her, and her face suddenly softened. 

"I could set you up in Al's room, if you would prefer," she said softly.

"I..." Ed's voice croaked as he looked up at her. "I don't really want to be alone."

"I'm not forbidding you from the bed, Edward."

"I know, but..." Ed frowned and licked his lips. "I mean, you're married. Wouldn't your husband... your Ed, wouldn't he be mad?"

"Mad about what?" Winry said, raising an eyebrow. "Last I checked, sharing a bed doesn't automatically mean sex." 

Ed choked at that, a blush creeping up his neck. "No, I wasn't thinking about-!"

"Relax, Ed," Winry said with a roll of her eyes. "If it were Al having nightmares and I shared a bed with him to calm him down, would you think I was cheating on you? Or that Al was betraying you?" 

"Well, no, but-"

"Well," Winry said with a sigh. "Why can you be more forgiving to Al than you can be to yourself?"

Ed opened his mouth to protest, but then shut it again, at a loss for words. Of course he was easier on Al than himself. Al wasn't the one who had— Al deserved that kindness after— Al was better, so— 

"You can sleep wherever you want," Winry sighed. "You can even stay up all night if you prefer. But I'm going to have to deal with kids and appointments and a million other things in the morning, so I'm getting in some sleep while I still can. I think questions can wait a few hours." 

Ed bit his lip and looked at her, then at the bed, then back to her. "Only if you're absolutely sure." 

"Of course I'm sure," Winry said with a smile as she reached out and touched his knee. "Just because you're from another world doesn't mean you should have to go through any of this alone."

She got up then and moved over to the other side of the bed, which Ed used as a chance to wipe away the tears at the corners of his eyes when she wasn't looking. Her acceptance of him came so readily, so easily, and he wondered what he could have ever done to deserve her. Well, he hadn't done anything to deserve her, he supposed, that was the work of his double. 

"Oh, yeah," Winry said with a sigh as she slid her legs under the blankets. "There's an alarm clock on your nightstand, think you could pass that over to me? You're officially off morning duty." 

Ed grabbed the windup clock from his side of the bed and passed it to Winry's outstretched hand, before sliding under the blankets himself. Winry flicked the light off, and Ed found himself laying there in the darkness, wondering what he was supposed to do next. It almost seemed weird that he had so badly wanted to avoid being alone if he was just going to stay on his edge of the bed and try not to touch her at all, but also touching her seemed like Too Much. God, was every night going to be like this? Ed sighed. 

And then in the dark under the sheets, a hand found him, Winry lacing her fingers through his. 

"Goodnight, Ed," she said, squeezing his hand. Ed sighed in relief and squeezed her hand back. He could do hand-holding. That was something innocent, something that wasn't threatening. 

"Night, Win." 

The next moment Ed was aware, he was in Noah's room. Wait, had this been where he was? Ed frowned, trying to place things. He felt like there was something important he wasn't remembering. But he was cut off from his thoughts by the sudden feeling of Noah's lips pressed against him, and any thoughts he'd been trying to pin down melted away as he leaned into her with a groan. God, yes, this. This was exactly what he'd been wanting. Why hadn't he just been letting himself have this?

Noah's hands were pulling at the buttons on his shirt, fumbling to open it enough to press her warm hands against his bare chest, and he was whispering her name. He had missed her so much. 

Wait, but how could you miss someone who was always there, though?

"What's hiding inside you, Edward Elric?" Noah said, her fingers pausing on his chest. Ed frowned, confused, and was just about to ask her what she meant when she suddenly dug her fingers into him, disappearing under his skin for a minute before she suddenly ripped his chest open. 

"No, wait, Noah, don't—!" Ed was screaming the minute he felt her nails dig against him, but it was too late. He didn't feel any pain, just a giant empty hole where his heart was supposed to be, and then a thick green smoke was suddenly pouring out from his chest. The instant Noah inhaled it, she was backing away from him, coughing and trying to wave the smoke away. Ed cursed and tried to push the edges of the hole back together, but it seemed like no matter what he did, green smoke kept spilling through his fingers. 

And then, right before his eyes, Noah was coughing and hacking even harder until it seemed to shake her apart into a million pieces, shattering and then blowing away as dust in the wind. 

Ed looked in horror at the spot where Noah had been standing just a minute before, still desperately trying to staunch the flow of the smoke. Why wasn't the weird poisonous gas affecting him like it had affected her? 

"Brother, what's going on?" 

But before Ed could scream for Al to get away, to run, to be anywhere but here... Al was opening the door, the green smoke rushing to meet him. Al coughed and clutched at his throat, still moving forward, still reaching for Ed, still moving even deeper and deeper into the toxic smoke. 

"No, Al, you have to get away!" Ed screamed, backing up as Al reached for him. But even as Al reached for him, Ed could see Al's fingers beginning to turn to dust. Ed screamed and pushed Al out of the way, lunging for the door and running out into the town square, where of course the first person he ran into was his mother. Ed choked and turned in another direction. 

"Brother, come back!" Al's voice was behind him, just like it had been when he'd heard those words last time. "You can't go! I just got you back!"

But Ed didn't even manage to get far before he bumped into Winry. 

"Why are you doing this, Edward?" she snapped at him. 

"I don't mean to!" he screamed, dropping to the pavement and pressing his hands to his forehead. "I can't make it stop! Just get away from me!" 

"You can't go! I just got you back!" 

"You're just like your father, aren't you?

"I'm in love with you, Edward." 

And then, amidst the cacophony of voices and green smoke, Winry's voice was beside him again, this time with a calm and steady voice. "Ed, you need to breathe." 

"I can't," he said, his words getting choked in the back of his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut so all he could see was black. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." 

And then there were hands against his face. They felt so soft and soothing he wanted to cry. But how could Winry hold his face when there was that awful green smoke everywhere? She wasn't safe here, not when he was— 

"It's okay," Winry whispered. "It's okay. Breathe, Ed."

Something about the way her hands pressed against his skin felt different than everything else going on, like she was the only real thing in the world. Ed cracked his eyes open, and found himself back in the bed with Winry, her worried blue eyes looking straight at him. No green smoke. No hole in his chest. Dream. It was just a dream. Just a dream. 

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Ed said, taking in a deep breath. "Yeah. Thanks, Winry." 

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

Ed winced. "Not really."

"Well, do you want a hug?" Winry said, holding her arms open to him. Ed considered it for a minute. Yes, he absolutely wanted a hug, but was that even proper, or— Ed shook his head. He didn't have the energy to care about that anymore. Winry was right there with a hug, and goddammit, he needed it. 

"Yeah," he whispered, scooting himself over on the bed until Winry could wrap her arms around him. He took in a couple of deep breaths and then closed his eyes, letting himself fall asleep to the sound of her heartbeat and slow breathing.

When Ed woke up again, he was alone in the bed, and he had to take a minute just to remember why it didn't look like his bed in Germany. But the delighted squeals of children from downstairs helped him to remember. Winry had mentioned something about children, hadn't she? Ed sighed and rubbed at his face with his right hand. Oh, right, he had a hand. Weird. He sighed and pulled himself out of the bed, dragging himself down in the direction the sound was coming from.

Winry was in the kitchen, poking at a skillet. She had somehow already gotten ready for the day, her hair neatly pulled back, wearing a pair of tan slacks and a blue polo shirt. Ed gaped at her, wondering how she could already be this awake. He didn't even know how he would manage to look like a functional person, let alone looking as pulled together as Winry did.

"Oh! Good morning!" Winry said, noticing him when she turned slightly. "I hope we didn't wake you!"

"Daddy!" came a squeal from behind Winry, and the next thing Ed knew, Teddy had launched himself at Ed, wrapping around Ed's legs like a barnacle. "Mommy's making pancakes!"

"Hey, sweetie, what did I say about giving Daddy a little space today?" Winry said. Teddy let out a huge sigh, his lower lip trembling.

"Nah, Winry, it's fine," Ed murmured, reaching down and picking up the toddler. Winry smiled and raised an eyebrow at Ed as he settled the triumphant Teddy against his hip, her eyes dancing with unsaid questions.

"You like pancakes, right?"

"Daddy loves pancakes!" Teddy said, and Ed laughed, the sound bubbling out of him. Something about Teddy's face was so oddly familiar, the little furrowed eyebrows, the pout, and the flashing golden eyes. And all just over questioning the validity of pancakes. Ed hadn't thought he would get delighted to see so much of himself in one of his children, but there was something adorable about it. When he looked at Teddy and saw a little bit of himself looking back, he could understand a little bit of why everyone insisted he wasn't such a horrible person. Because this innocent (albeit angry) toddler certainly couldn't be a horrible person.

"Yeah, Winry, of course I love pancakes!" Ed said. Teddy beamed at her in vindication. Winry laughed and shook her head at the two of them as she flipped the pancake. The smell of butter hit Ed's nose as she did it, and he groaned. "God, I can't wait for those to be done."

"There's a whole stack already done," Winry said with a grin, gesturing to a plate behind her. "If you help Teddy and Zaza with theirs, then you guys could start eating while I finish the rest of these."

"Oh, yeah, sure," Ed said with a shrug, earning a cheer from Teddy. A cheer which happened to be right next to his ear, making Ed wince before booping Teddy on the nose. "You know, kid, you're adorable, but you are way too loud for first thing in the morning."

"I can be even louder!"

"Don't," Winry and Ed said in unison, their voices somehow flat and panicked at the same time.

Ed put Teddy down and went to go get plates from the same cabinet he had always remembered them being in. Except when he opened the door, it was a bunch of serving bowls and pitchers.

"Oh, right," Winry said, noticing him pausing. "They're in the third cabinet now."

"Right," Ed murmured, closing the first cabinet and moving to the one Winry had directed him to. It was just another reminder that this world was different and not quite his. Teddy didn't seem to notice or care about any of this, chattering excitedly about how he was so hungry, he was pretty sure he could ear four—no, five—pancakes.

Clinging to Winry's leg was another toddler, younger than Teddy, dressed in pigtails and sucking her thumb as she watched the chaos in the kitchen with wide eyes. Ed crouched down so he would be closer to her height, holding a stack of plates.

"Zaza? Do you want pancakes?"

The little blond girl looked up to Winry for confirmation, and Winry chuckled and nodded. When Zaza turned back to Ed, she had a big grin on her face. Ed grinned back at her, their relation to one another crystal clear with the same matching grin on their faces.

Ed took her tiny hand in his and led her to the dining table, Teddy close behind. There was a dog sleeping under the table, and Ed froze when he realized it wasn't Den, but instead a long-haired collie, its red fur fanning out and the dog's head tucked against their paws. Of course it wasn't Den. She'd been an older dog as it was, plus the automail hadn't been easy on her. Of course she hadn't managed to hold on that long. Ed shook his head and tried not to think about it. He had to be normal for the kids, after all. Once Ed had helped Zaza into her chair and put the plates around the table, he was going back to the kitchen to grab the pancakes and syrup.

"Is Zaza short for something, or is there another story behind that?" Ed murmured in a low tone in Winry's ear as he grabbed the pancakes. He was aware that the kids probably weren't paying attention to him, but he still didn't want them to catch on to the fact that he'd forgotten basic things about them.

"Azami," Winry said with a smile, patting his shoulder. "She's named after your grandmother."

Ed blinked. "I didn't know I had one."

"Everyone has at least two, Edward."

"Yeah, but..." Ed sighed and rolled his eyes. If she was telling him that Zaza was named after his grandmother, then she knew full well that he didn't know much about his family tree. She was just messing with him. As he grabbed the syrup, his eyes fell on the coffee press. "Hey, Winry, would I be allowed to have coffee if I transmuted the caffeine out of it?"

"You can't do that with the kids around," Winry sighed, giving him a playful smack on his shoulder. "Teddy will be absolutely obsessed and wanting you to do it all the time. And I don't want to then have to turn around and break his heart when I have to figure out how to explain that daddy can't do alchemy again when you switch back."

Ed sighed and looked from Winry back to the coffee press, licking his lips. "But... coffee..."

"I'll make you some decaf coffee myself," Winry said, pushing him out of the kitchen. "Now please, go feed them before they start eating each other." Sure enough, Teddy was slowly getting louder and louder, like a chaos tornado. Ed supposed he shouldn't have expected anything else from kids with his genetics. 

"Alright!" Ed said, going out to the table with a tall stack of pancakes. "Who wants a pancake?"

Teddy screamed and waved his hands like he was trying to land an airplane instead of pancakes. Ed chuckled and shook his head before putting a pancake on Teddy's plate.

"More, Daddy! More! I'm really hungry!" Teddy said, patting his hands on his little rounded belly. Ed snorted and put another pancake on the kid's plate. Teddy was nodding and immediately reaching for the butter as Ed was turning to put a pancake on Zaza's plate.

"You got that, buddy?"

"Yeah, I got it," Teddy said, staring at the butter with wide eyes as he brought it over to his plate. Utter and complete concentration.

"Okay," Ed said, looking at the pancake on Zaza's plate. "Um... Do you need me to cut this up for you, or something?"

Zaza was looking between him and the pancakes pretty helplessly, so Ed figured that meant yes, he did need to help. Kids this little couldn't handle doing that themselves, right? Ed sighed and started cutting the pancakes into smaller pieces. He had only managed to cut up one piece when Zaza suddenly burst into tears, making a grabbing motion with both her hands towards the pancakes.

"I know, I know, I'm cutting as fast as I can!" Ed said, biting his lip.

He was distracted from the cutting by a loud clatter from behind him, followed by a sheepish, "Oops."

Ed spun to see what had happened. So maybe he didn't know a bunch about kids, but he did know that nothing good happened when a little kid said oops like that. "What happened, Teddy?"

"I dropped the syrup."

Ed was just barely turning to figure out what he was going to need to clean up, but he turned at the same time Winry came to the table, a fresh stack of pancakes in one hand and a hot cup of coffee in the other. She immediately set them down in front of Ed and lunged for the syrup bottle that was still laying on its side in the middle of the table, the syrup slowly pooling out onto the table cloth. Teddy had just been looking at it helplessly without moving to do anything.

"Teddy, you need to pick things up when something like that happens," Winry said with a sigh, then glanced over to Ed, who was still cutting away at Zaza's pancake, even as she screamed louder at him. "Oh, Ed, are you cutting that into triangles?"

"What?" Ed blinked and looked over at Winry. She came over and looked at the pancake, shaking her head.

"Yeah, she doesn't eat square pancakes, only triangle ones," Winry said, grabbing the plate and trading it with the empty plate in front of her seat. She immediately plopped a pancake on the new plate, plucked the fork and knife from Ed's hands, and began cutting the pancake into triangles in one fluid motion. "It's okay, honey, see? New pancake. No more squares."

Ed sighed and sat in his seat, reaching out to grab the cup of coffee. Next to the coffee was the butter, which Ed noted was suddenly a complete disaster. It had been transformed into a mangled mess with pancake crumbs suddenly worked into the very essence of the butter. When he looked up, he realized that Teddy's pancakes were pretty much equally mangled. Alright. Ed made a note to his future self to not trust the toddler when he said he could handle something. He sighed and took a sip of the coffee.

And then practically choked as the taste suddenly hit his mouth. He coughed and looked down at the mug with a scowl like it had betrayed him. "God, I don't remember the coffee here tasting that bad." 

"We're a landlocked country that was always at war," Winry said with a laugh and shake of her head as she kept cutting Zaza's pancake. "No one sends us the good beans." 

"Right," Ed said with a deep sigh. He decided not to comment on how it wasn't just the beans, but the coffee was also more watered down than he was used to, probably in an attempt to save money. Darn it all, universe. Here he had spent so long learning that equivalent exchange didn't truly exist, and yet it felt like sometimes life smacked him over the head with it. You can have decent quality beans, but they cost a fortune and you have to do work under the table to get them. Or you can have plentiful coffee that tastes terrible. Was one of those options even actually better than the other one?

"There's not much point to it if it's decaf and tastes terrible," Ed muttered with a pout. "It's just... the coffee version of Mustang. Absolutely useless."

Winry had only managed to finish cutting Zaza's pancake when the phone suddenly rang, making her jump up and run to the other room to answer it. Ed was about to grab the fork and knife so he could feed Zaza, but before he had a chance to react, she was reaching forward, grabbing a piece of triangle pancake and popping it in her mouth on her own. She wasn't even actually his kid and somehow Ed still felt a surge of pride at her taking care of herself. And also relief. He had been hoping for a chance to actually eat some of those pancakes. He slid a couple pancakes onto his plate, spreading some of the mangled butter on them. 

God, fresh Resembool butter. Ed closed his eyes and took in a deep breath so he could fully smell it. He had missed that so much. He decided to take another couple slices of butter for his pancakes. 

"Well, good news," Winry said, coming back into the room with a sigh. "Dr. Williams said he was willing to come all the way out here so he could do a little check up on you. There's another doctor from the military coming out from Central, but he's going to take a week to get here." 

"Yippee," Ed said in a deadpan voice. 

"Ed! It's important! You have to—" 

"I'm all done! Can I go play?" 

"Well, sure, but," Winry sighed as she turned and saw that Teddy's plate still had half his pancakes left. "Teddy, you haven't even finished your food!"

"I'm full!" Teddy called back to her, already running off to go play. Winry sighed again, rubbing her forehead as she turned to Ed. 

"Anyway, I only had a couple of appointments today, but when I called and told them what was going on, they were more than happy to reschedule. So it looks like I have a rare day off. I still have a couple more phone calls to make, but I thought after that—" She was interrupted by a squeal from Zaza, so Winry got out of her seat. As soon as she grabbed Zaza, the toddler stopped crying, settling her head against Winry and closing her eyes. "I thought after that we could set the kids up with some of their toys and we could actually ask some of those questions we wanted to ask one another last night." 

Ed gave her a weak smile. He couldn't say he wasn't nervous at the thought of answering her questions, but he also had a ton of questions of his own to ask her. 

Everything about this world felt so... normal. Well, at least the parts he had experienced so far. Even dealing with him being from another world was just something that got wiggled into the schedule around pancakes and playtime. Normally he would have been scared that a life like this would feel boring, that he wouldn't want anything to do with a life that was mostly mundanities, but there was a certain comfort to the entire thing. It was almost easy to forget that he didn't belong here, that he needed to find a way to get home, to get back to Al, that he didn't have any right to any of this.

But it was still so tempting to think about if he could just be the Ed who was actually supposed to be here, the one who knew to cut pancakes into triangles and not squares. He wanted to know more about how his alternate self had managed to get a life like this. Maybe if he knew the trick, he could actually figure out how to do something similar for himself. Even if the back of his mind still kept worrying that the other shoe would drop any minute now and rip away the easy comfort. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of the phone ringing. 

"It just never stops, huh?" Ed said. Winry stood up, moving to push Zaza into his arms instead, but Ed waved her off. Zaza looked too comfortable in Winry's arms to be disturbed. "No, Winry, it's fine, I got it." 

"Are you sure? What if—" 

"Then I'll just hold the phone up to your ear," Ed said, already moving to the other room and putting his hand on the receiver. "Hello?" 

"Fullmetal?" 

Ed felt the blood drain from his face at the familiar voice. How long had it been since he had heard that? Especially with that particular little twinge of irritation that usually meant he had maybe caused just an ounce too much chaos. 

"Oh, hey, Mustang." He tried to make it sound casual, but his voice slid a little on the words. 

"Care to explain why the first thing I see when I come into my office this morning is an order for a doctor to come out to Resembool to check for a potential heart attack?"

"Uh..." As Ed fumbled for words, Winry came in the room, still holding Zaza and watching him with a worried expression. 

"And then I get another order to cancel the escort lined up to get you to Xing because you're..." there was a rustle of papers, "...'not well enough to travel?' And then I just got a call from your brother saying the emperor is going to be taking an unexpected trip to the country in order to check on his friend's health?" 

Ed blinked and stared at the phone. The emperor? "Uh..." 

"Mind telling me what's going on? And why everyone on the planet seems to have been told about this before me?" 

"Winry's just worried," Ed said with a cough. She gave him a frown. "Well, okay... She's... We're being extra careful, just in case."

"Hm." A low grunt from Mustang. "Alphonse sure seemed to think it was more than just being extra careful." 

Ed narrowed his eyes at the phone. "Why, what did Al tell you?" 

"What are you worried he might have told me?"

Ed went silent, staring at the phone. He knew he had eventually managed to see his Mustang as an equal and ally. He had really proved that when it came down to it, he wouldn't choose a promotion over Ed. But was that true of this Mustang? If Ed decided to trust him, he could end up with Mustang having control of the strings, just like he'd accidentally done as a child. And what if the Mustang here was nothing like his Mustang?

"...you'd still be Ed underneath it all. So I would still love you."

Ed sighed at the memory of Winry the night before, just trusting him despite everything. And besides, she had managed to surprise him with her reaction. Maybe it would be worth it to give trust a try. And besides, Roy was always someone who seemed to have things under control, even when it seemed like they were spinning out of control. 

"Could you call me from an outside line?" 

There was a pause from Mustang's side of the phone. Ed knew it seemed like an overprotective measure, but he couldn't be exactly sure what had happened in this world. What if his double had managed to get Al's body back before he'd found out about Bradley? There was even the chance that Bradley wasn't even a homunculus here. Maybe he was more like Fritz Lang. Or maybe he was even worse. Ed didn't want to risk things getting potentially even worse just by assuming things had gone similarly to his world.

"That serious, huh?" Mustang finally said.

"Yes." 

Another long pause and then a sigh. "Well, now that I'm aware the Emperor is coming to visit you, I need to make sure he'll be greeted with a proper welcome. I'll be at your place tomorrow morning so we can make plans." 

Ed smirked. Good old Mustang, he had always been great with rolling with something and finding ways to say important information in the most innocent of ways. Ed hadn't thought he would miss him all that much, but it felt like four years of wondering what had happened after he'd left in the plane suddenly all caught up with him at once. It was a relief to know that Mustang was on his side, willing to listen, and was going to be there tomorrow morning. 

"Thanks," Ed croaked. 

"Please just make sure you don't have another heart attack or something before I get there," Mustang said. "It would be incredibly annoying if you died before I got there and I did all that traveling for nothing." 

"Sure thing, Colonel Bastard."

Chapter Text

Ed managed to pull himself away from the automail and stood, immediately following Noah into the living room. No. No, he had only just been starting to get along with her, and darn it, he liked her company enough that he wasn't about to let it get ruined again just because of a stupid misunderstanding. 

He reached out for her hand, his fingers catching against hers. As soon as he touched her, Ed tried desperately to remember picking up the journal and then tossing it aside. He didn't know if he could even make sure she picked up on a memory intentionally, but it was the first thought he had. Clearly trying to have both of them stumble through in German and Amestrian hadn't worked so far. 

But as he held her hand, another image flitted through his mind, an image of his face, only he was making a different expression than he was used to seeing in the mirror, softer, maybe even a little nostalgic. And he could feel a deep, warm love for this other him as he leaned forward and... and kissed the other him. 

"Noah..." the other him whispered. 

The thought suddenly stopped as Noah pulled her hand away from him with a gasp, looking at him with a shocked expression. He stared back at her, trying to piece together what had just happened. The other him had said her name, did that mean... Had he just seen one of Noah's memories?

"I-I didn't know you could... do memories the other way," Ed gasped. Noah just stared at him with a shocked expression. Right, she wouldn't be able to understand him if he said that much in Amestrian. He desperately wished he could speak more German, at least enough to ask her why he had suddenly been able to see what seemed like one of her memories. 

"I'm sorry," Ed said, holding his hands up in surrender. It seemed like the safest thing to say, like something she would be likely to understand even with limited Amestrian. She still stared at him with that wide-eyed expression, but Ed could see the tears at the edge of her vision. He suddenly realized she was fighting with everything she had not to cry. Suddenly it made a little more sense why he had been feeling the way he had in her memory. It was because that was how she'd felt in that moment. 

"Oh, Noah," he whispered, taking a step closer to her. "Were you in love with him?" 

The tears did start falling from her eyes then, and when Ed held his arms out to her, she was immediately pressing against him in a tight hug. More memories pressed into his mind, though none as vivid and complete as the kiss memory he'd just seen. It was like he could see brief little glimpses into this life that wasn't quite his. Made even weirder by the fact that he was looking at these memories from an outsider's perspective, so every memory meant he was looking at himself. There was a moment of a warm night and Noah looking over at him as he pointed at the sky. Another moment where someone was yelling at her, and then he was suddenly in front of her, his arms out wide like he was protecting her. Then he was in a machine, strapped in and hurtling towards the sky as she screamed at him. And then a moment of him curled up in a bed, muttering in his sleep, and a heavy pit in the bottom of Noah's stomach as she looked at him. Guilt. So much guilt. So much guilt it was familiar. 

Even if he didn't understand the context of her memories, he could definitely understand the feeling of memories so heavy it felt like you could drown under them. He wrapped his arms around her, giving her a squeeze. He could feel her crying against the skin of his chest. He had been in such a rush after she had stormed out of the room that he hadn't thought about the fact that he still wasn't wearing his shirt after he'd taken it off to inspect his automail.

"It's okay," he murmured. He didn't know if she would be able to understand him, but the words were worth saying anyway. "It's okay. It's not your fault." 

"Ed," Noah hiccuped, her arms squeezing him tighter. 

They stayed like that for a long minute, the room quiet enough that Ed could hear a clock ticking in between Noah's shaky breaths. Apparently, she cried pretty quietly. It would have been hard for him to even know she was crying if not for her shuddering inhales and the feel of wet tears against his skin. But then the quiet moment was interrupted by a light cough. 

"Well, you two certainly learned to get along."

Ed blinked and pulled away from Noah's hug to see Al standing by the front door, looking at them with a raised eyebrow. Ed glanced down at himself, shirtless and hugging Noah despite Al knowing he was married back in his world. He could already feel the blood creeping up his neck at the sudden realization of what the situation could look like.

"Home already?" Ed said with a cough before realizing that only made him look even worse, somehow. "I-I was going to work on fixing this automail, but then Noah was crying, and..." 

"You can fix Brother's automail?" Al said, draping his coat over a chair and looking over at Ed with wide eyes. "Really?" 

"Well," Ed coughed and rubbed the back of his neck, glancing over to Noah. She had pulled away from him and was looking at the floor. "I'm definitely not Winry. I'm not even technically an actual mechanic, but... I think I can manage to rig something together. It should make life easier for the other me when we figure out how to switch back, right?" 

"Absolutely!" Al said with a nod, his eyes bright. He then turned to Noah and said something to her in German. She looked up, turning her attention first to Ed, then to Al before saying something in German in response. She ended whatever she was saying by gesturing towards the stockpot on the stove. 

„Ah, danke schön, Noah!" Al said with a grin before going over to the stove. Ed vaguely remembered Noah teaching him that had meant thank you. 

"Anyway," Ed muttered, looking down at the floor. He scurried off to the bedroom before there could be much chance to protest. He wanted to have a chance to get his damn shirt back on and work on automail and pretend nothing else existed. 

As Ed pulled his shirt back on in the other room, he could hear the clinking of silverware against china and Al cheerfully chatting at Noah in German. Ed found himself amazed at how quickly he was adjusting to the sound of German. The rhythm of it was already familiar to him, like he had been listening to it for years. Sometimes he almost felt like he could just understand if he focused a little harder, like he was trying to remember something from a dream long ago. 

"Alright, let's see how mad Win would be," Ed said with a chuckle to himself as he rolled up his sleeves and reached to pull the battered automail arm out of the wooden crate. 

All things considered, it wasn't actually in as bad of shape as Ed would have expected after years of wear and tear in a world without automail. It seemed like the reason his other self had probably stopped using the arm was because the main central wire had frayed right at the area where it met the port. A common problem for automail that had gone a while without maintenance, really. All Ed would need to do to fix it would be to trim the wire a tiny bit and re-weld it into place. Thank god Winry always managed to put a couple inches of extra wire in for just this problem. It meant Ed could actually fix it without making it so the arm couldn't bend. 

Meanwhile, the outer casing was so battered and beaten that Ed figured it would be easier to just forge a new one instead of trying to hammer it back into shape. Some of the less important wires seemed to be struggling, which led to Ed wondering what technology he would even be able to work with in this world. Which led to him pulling out one of the spare arms he had seen in the closet earlier to see if he could figure out what adaptations had been made. When then led to him realizing he would need actual tools to look inside an arm that wasn't falling apart, which meant tearing the closet apart in the hopes that tools wouldn't be kept too far away from the spare arms and legs. 

When Al finally came into the room, Ed was sitting on the floor with the two different arms, surrounded by a mess of metal parts and tools. At some point, even a ponytail had been too much of a hassle and he had ended up opting for one of Winry's favorite styles instead, a lazy bun half twisted at the nape of his neck. Ed bit his lip as he leaned between the two arms, ticking things off on his fingers and muttering to himself. Al let out a bark of a laugh at the sight, making Ed nearly jump out of his skin in surprise. 

"Sorry," Al said with a chuckle, waving his hand at Ed. "It's just... You looked so much like Winry for a minute." 

Ed felt his heart clench at the words, and he looked down, as if he would be able to see Winry just by looking at himself. As if he could somehow bring her close to him just by being more like her. But, no, it didn't make her suddenly materialize just because he missed her. Big surprise. Ed sighed and looked back to Al. 

"So," Al said, twisting his fingers together and looking a the mess of automail spread across the floor. "Um. Can I help?"

Ed gave Al a weak smirk. "You don't have to invent excuses to hang out with me, you know."

It was weird how this person, this stranger could somehow be Al. He saw so much of his Al looking back at him through this Al's eyes. And yet it was like there was this invisible thread of tension strung between them, tight and heavy in a way he wasn't used to feeling. Somehow he felt like he knew this person better than anyone else in the universe while also feeling simultaneously like a complete stranger. How was that even possible?

"I-I'm not inventing excuses!" Al stammered, his cheeks turning a little pink as he talked. "It's just, you were hidden away in here, and I was worrying about you, and—!"

"What about Noah?" Ed said, cutting Al off. "Is she okay? She seemed kind of... down." 

"Yeah, yeah, she's fine," Al said with a frown as he sat down on the edge of his bed. "She's just... She's got a lot on her mind right now." 

Ed frowned and turned away from the automail so he could look at Al better. "Yeah, that makes sense. I think most people would be if someone possessed the body of the person they're in love with."

Al raised an eyebrow at him. "You... You know she's in love with him?"

"Well, yeah," Ed said with a shrug. "She showed me that memory of her kissing him." 

"Kissing?" Al said, his eyebrows somehow managing to find a way to slide even further up his forehead. "She didn't say— Wait. What do you mean she showed you that memory?" 

"She just.. showed me?" Ed said with a frown. "I touched her, and then I was seeing a memory through her eyes."

"What?" Al whispered, his eyes wide. "I have to tell Noah!" 

"Hang on, is this not normal?"

"No!" Al said with a sharp shake of his head. "Noah's abilities normally only go one way. She's always been able to see mine and Brother's memories, but we've never been able to see hers. I don't think she even knew—" Al was interrupted out of what he was saying by a soft knock at the door, followed by Noah poking her head in the room and saying something in German. Ed guessed she must have heard Al yell her name twice and thought maybe he had been calling her. 

As Al babbled at Noah in German, Ed sighed and turned his attention back to the automail on the floor in front of him. So far, the biggest potential problem he'd found with this world and automail was that unlike Amestris, they didn't seem to have mastered the ability to turn brain signals into actual energy. Which meant that he was dependent on some sort of outside source to keep the automail actually running. Which also happened to take up a lot of space, which was probably why the modified arm was slower and less versatile. Of course, there was the option of adding an exterior battery pack of some sort, but that meant he would have to carry the battery pack somewhere on himself, and that sounded like more of a hassle than he wanted to deal with. 

"Wait, so," Al suddenly said in Amestrian, snapping Ed out of his thoughts to look up at Al. "Br-Ed, you, um, you said you saw the memory through Noah's eyes and not yours, right?" 

Ed tried to ignore the tiny stab to his heart and nodded. "Yeah, I was looking at me, er, him. The other memories I saw were the same way too." 

"Wait, there were more?" 

"Um, yeah," Ed said with a frown, reaching up and scratching at his head with his pointer finger. Al was still leaning forward with wide eyes, so Ed decided to give more information. "There was one where I-he was protecting her at some sort of market. And um... She was yelling at him in a... flying machine or something? And... something with stars, I guess?" 

He purposefully decided to leave out the memory where Noah had been watching the other him sleep. After all, Al had been surprised just to hear that she and his brother had kissed. Ed didn't really want to share more information than Noah wanted Al to know. Whatever had been going on between her and the other Ed was their business. Al turned back to Noah and started babbling more to her in German. Ed tried to pay attention for a minute to see if there would be any more questions for him, but after a minute of them talking in German, he turned his attention back to the automail. 

Only to find Muh-Muh batting a screw across the floor. 

"Shit! Moo-Moo!" Ed snapped, making the cat jump. "I need that, you jerk!" 

Muh-Muh pouted for a minute, giving Ed a look like he'd been betrayed. Ed groaned and shooed the cat away from the screw, grabbing it and turning back to the automail. As he did, he realized the other chatter in the room had gone completely silent. Ed frowned and looked up, only to find Noah and Al both staring at him. He blinked. 

"Um. What?" 

"How..." Al frowned and shook his head. "How did you learn that much German in a day?" 

"What're you talking about, Al?"

"What... What you just said. It was all in German." 

"What..." Ed frowned and thought back over what he'd said. He had been so caught up in the emotion that he hadn't really thought about what he was saying. But when he tried to think back on what he'd said, the sounds of the words in his memory sounded different from what he would have expected, and yet somehow slightly out of reach at the same time, like he hadn't been fully listening to his own words as they came out of his mouth. 

"You know," Ed said slowly, frowning and tapping a finger to his chin. "Memories... They're connected to the brain, and that hasn't changed. I wonder if... Maybe this brain remembers German, even if I don't." 

The spark of an idea lit a fire deep inside Ed that he hadn't felt in a long time. It felt like when he had first realized that it had to be possible to get Al's body back. If his brain was able to remember German, then that meant all kinds of other things, like that he was still connected to the other Ed. Maybe their Gates had just been tangled like his and Al's. Then again, would two alternate Eds have two Gates, or one shared Gate? Did he even still have a Gate at all after giving up alchemy? Well, would it be possible for him to even be here without a Gate? Did that mean that his being here was proof that it was possible for him to get his alchemy back? His mind reeled with a million questions just from the one possibility. 

He was suddenly snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of metal rolling against the floor, and looked down to see that Muh-Muh had returned to his quest to kill the screw. Ed groaned and shooed the cat away again. 

"You know, maybe it would be easier if we took all of this out to the other room and set it up on the table," Al said with a sigh. "Muh-Muh won't mess with it if it means he has to jump up that high." 

"Lazy ass cat," Ed muttered, but still leaned forward and started collecting the various bits and pieces of automail. 

Al and Noah helped him get the automail out to the table, pulling together all the various tools and disconnected pieces of machinery. The two of them ended up sitting at the table with him as he looked over the arms. Ed didn't catch on to everything they were talking about, but he knew there was a lot of discussion over the fact that he had managed to speak German intuitively, plus some more discussion over the fact that he'd seen some of Noah's memories. There was a point where Noah tried with both him and Al to do it again on purpose, frowning in concentration as she tried to share a memory with each of them. After a couple of tries without luck, she gave up and turned on the radio instead. 

"Anyway, then I went and did a transmutation on Envy, and that's how we got out of there," Ed said to Al with a sigh as he turned a wire over in his hands. Noah was at the table with both of them, leaning against Ed's shoulder as he talked. It turned out to just be easier for everyone if she just touched him while he talked about his memories, because she could just experience the memory he was talking about, and Al could clear up anything that she still didn't understand. 

"Well, unfortunately, that's not going to work this time," Al said with a sigh of his own. "That's really interesting though. We used Envy to open the Gate between the two worlds here too." 

"Fate," Ed muttered with a small smirk before frowning at the wire. "Wait, is this a female output? But that doesn't make any sense, I—" 

He was interrupted as the song on the radio changed and Noah suddenly pulled away from his shoulder with a delighted laugh. But then she looked over to Ed, and her face suddenly fell with a sigh. 

"Oh. The Charleston," Al said with a sad smile. Ed gave him a confused frown, so Al added, "Noah and Brother had this tradition where they always dance whenever this song comes on." He then turned to Noah and said something to her in German, making her smile again as she stood up and held out a hand to Al. 

What followed was a dance so ridiculous and joyful that Ed couldn't help but put the automail down and watch Noah and Al dancing together. It almost reminded him of the kind of dance Teddy did whenever he desperately needed to go potty, their legs shaking like gelatin as they walked backward and forward towards one another. Ed felt a delighted laugh bubbled up from the bottom of his throat as he watched them, and he could suddenly understand why his other self would always make a point of doing the dance whenever the song came on. It would be worth it every time just to see that overjoyed smile on Noah's face. 

"Okay, how the hell do you even do that?" Ed said, standing up and stepping away from the table. Al grinned at him. God, that grin. That bright sunshiney grin that Ed had been willing to lay his life down for just for the chance to see it again. And here Al was, just safe and happy and grinning from ear to ear because he was doing a ridiculous dance like any other boy his age. Ed couldn't help but flash a big grin back. 

"It's actually not that hard! You just kind of... Move your knees in and out, and then you just... Walk back and forth."

"What?" Ed laughed and tried moving his knees in and out, but it felt like it was just awkward compared to Al and Noah's movements. 

"Brother's way better at it than me," Al said with a laugh. "But it doesn't really matter how you do it as long as you're having fun." 

Ed laughed and closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at his sad attempt at a dance compared to Al and Noah. Losing his visual input made the music feel louder and stronger, and he could almost swear it sounded familiar, like he had once heard it long ago. Maybe it was because his body was remembering something he couldn't. He took in a deep breath and focused on that feeling, trying to let go of himself and let the unfamiliar familiarity wash over him. 

And for a minute, the dance actually felt completely natural, like he really was better at it than Al, like he really had been doing this dance every time the song came on the radio. Ed laughed and opened his eyes, but the second he lost the isolation of darkness, the feeling fell away from him and he tripped over himself, falling on the floor in a tangled heap. 

He could hear the concerned laughs from Noah and Al above him, and he laughed with them, pushing himself back into a standing position right as the song ended and switched to something different. 

"Okay, I think I'm too tired for this. I need to get some sleep," Ed said with a laugh and shake of his head. He had noticed the time slipping away while he had been working on the automail, and even though it was still earlier than he would have preferred, the all-nighter from the day before was still weighing on him. Of course, it wouldn't have felt that early for bed back home, not when he would have had two toddlers to put to bed. The thought hit his heart with a pang. He wondered how they were doing without him around. Was the other him tucking them in bed and making sure they both got a goodnight kiss? 

"Yeah, bed does sound kind of nice," Al said. He turned to Noah and said something in German, to which she nodded. Ed assumed that the consensus was yes, bedtime, because Noah leaned over to the radio and flicked it off. Then the three of them were exchanging good nights in two different languages, and Noah went off to her bedroom while he and Al went off to theirs. He was immediately grateful that they had moved the automail out to the living room, because it meant that the only thing he had to move before collapsing on the bed was the journal Noah had been so mad at him over just a few hours before. After that, he was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. 

The next moment Ed was aware, he was opening his eyes to an empty white void of space.

"So, Mustang," Ed said, turning to look at Winry as he hung the receiver back in its cradle. "He's... He's a... good guy in this world... Right?"

Winry let out a small chuckle. "He was a groomsman at our wedding. Ed trusts him." 

It was weird hearing himself referred to in third person like that, but he knew that she meant the other him, the him who would normally be here. 

"Okay, good. Well. He says he's going to be here tomorrow," Ed said with a shrug. "And he said something about an... emperor coming...?"

"Geez. I don't think the embassy will have been this crowded since our wedding," Winry said with a snort and shake of her head. "I guess I need to—" she paused, a stricken look suddenly coming over her face. Ed suddenly found Zaza thrust into his arms and Winry was running off before he could even ask her what was happening. He followed her with a frown, Zaza letting out a small complaint as she readjusted against him. 

"Winry?" he said with a frown, knocking at the closed bathroom door. "You okay?" 

"Yeah," she croaked right before making a retching sound. Ed winced. She didn't sound okay, no matter what she said. "I just... I forgot I can't have dairy first thing in the morning." 

"Yeah, milk is evil like that." Ed snorted. He had experienced the same thing one too many times. He was surprised Winry was even having a reaction like this to milk when she had always been the one pushing him to drink milk anyway. Maybe this world's Winry was different from his Winry and couldn't handle milk, just like him. "You need anything?" 

"No, just..." Winry paused and Ed could hear more sick sounds, his own stomach clenching in sympathy. "Just give me a minute and I'll be out." 

Once Winry actually managed to pull herself out of the bathroom, she snapped back to normal faster than Ed would have expected. It was like the house was a chaotic center of activity, and all he could manage to do was follow along as the world passed by in a bit of a blur. Winry had to make several other calls, flipping between things that needed to be done with a ruthless efficiency that made Ed jealous. First, there was a call to inform someone a shipment she was working on was going to be late, then a call to a neighbor explaining the situation and asking for a babysitter, and then a call to the embassy explaining that they were going to have to prepare for this apparent emperor's arrival. After she had finished with the phone, she moved on to the kids, Ed following in her wake and feeling completely useless. 

But somehow, despite feeling useless, he managed to at least help her get the kids wiggled into some fresh clothes for the day. Then they were handing Teddy and Zaza over to the teen girl who had come over to babysit. Teddy wasn't particularly keen on the idea, but he managed to be convinced when Winry said he would get some special time hanging out with her and daddy after the doctor had come. 

And then finally, finally, there was a moment of peace, the kids playing in another room and the phone silent for the first time all day. It wasn't even lunchtime and Ed already felt ready to collapse from exhaustion. 

"Okay," Winry said, pushing a mug of hot tea in his hands. "We should have a good few hours before Dr. Williams gets here. Questions?" 

"Questions," Ed agreed with a sigh and a nod. He took a long sip as he thought over what he most wanted to know. He had been so preoccupied with everything happening that he hadn't really had much chance to think about what he wanted to ask Winry. "How long have we been married?" 

"Five years," Winry said with a soft smile. Ed tried his best not to gape at her. With how fast his life tended to move, five years of anything staying consistent seemed like an eternity. 

"And... Teddy and Zaza?" 

"Teddy is three, Zaza is two." 

"Huh. I thought two-year-olds talked more than that." 

Winry let out a long sigh, taking a sip of her own tea before speaking again. "Yeah, she's been having trouble with talking. She's just... not really interested. Ed's been trying to work with her on that." 

"Huh." Ed clicked his tongue and took another sip of tea. He could vaguely remember his mom once mentioning that he had struggled with learning to talk at first, but he couldn't remember what she'd said had changed that for him. Had Zaza inherited that from him somehow? He decided to let it go for the moment, though. After all, he wanted to figure out how to actually get home. The other Ed was the one responsible for figuring out how to parent his kids. 

"And how old am I?" 

"Twenty-two," Winry said with a laugh. "Though you turn twenty-three in a couple weeks, and you've been calling yourself twenty-three already. I think you're just trying to steal the thunder from your own birthday so Al and I can't make as big of a fuss over it." 

Ed frowned at her. "A couple weeks? What's today's date?"

"Uh..." Winry tilted her head like she was counting to herself. "Let's see, today's Friday, so... The 20th? Yeah. January 20th." 

Ed nearly choked on his tea. Somehow, even though he was an entire world away, even in a different year, it was still somehow the same exact day it had been back in Germany. January 20th, exactly two weeks before his twenty-third birthday. He wasn't sure why exactly the dates lined up, but something about it seemed significant. 

"Weird," Ed muttered. "It was the 19th yesterday in my world too. I guess your Ed and I have our timelines synced up." 

"Huh. So you two are the exact same age?" 

"Apparently." 

There was a moment of silence between them as they both sipped at their tea before Winry finally broke the silence. "Can I ask you a question?" 

"Like what?" Ed swallowed a lump in his throat, not looking at her. 

"You and your Winry... Did you...?" 

The question hung in the air for a minute as Ed took another gulp of tea, trying to figure out how to answer. Winry didn't want him to hide things from her. She wouldn't have asked if she didn't honestly want to hear the answer. He sighed and looked over to her, squeezing the mug with both his hands. 

"No. I... I haven't seen her in four years." 

"What?" Winry's eyes went wide, her own hands curling around her mug, a million questions flitting through her eyes. Ed sighed, already knowing some of what she wanted to know before she even asked. 

"That's why I know so much about parallel worlds," he said with a sigh. "I ended up getting stuck in a parallel world. I haven't seen home in years." 

"But... What about Al?"

"He and I spent a couple years apart," Ed said, pressing his lips together as he watched her reaction. "But then he ended up eventually figuring out a way to get back to me, so we've been together since then." 

Winry frowned at him, her eyes gaining a sharp edge. "He found a way to you in this other world. But not me?" 

Ed couldn't answer her, not when she was looking at him with those sharp eyes that cut like glass. He didn't even know how to look her in the eyes, not when he knew she was right, not when he knew how much it had to hurt her. She wasn't even the Winry from his world and it was hurting her like this. If it hurt her this much, how much had it hurt his Winry? He closed his eyes, feeling like part of him had shattered and broken deep inside of him. 

"Let me guess," Winry said with a sharp bark of a laugh. "Tell me if this is similar to what happened. Al probably did all sorts of alchemy nonsense to try and bring you back, which probably turned into a big mess like it always does. And then you two were so obsessed with each other and protecting me that you ended up not even including me in the whole adventure, and then Al ran off to follow you and didn't even think to check if I wanted to come along. And maybe he or you or both of you decided you knew better than me what's best for me, and so you just... left me behind, telling yourselves I would be happier that way." 

A long moment of silence passed between them, tight like a string about to snap. Ed kept his eyes closed, sucking in a long breath. 

"Am I wrong, Edward?"

"Winry..." 

"Oh, don't you 'Winry' me!" she snapped, setting her mug on the side table with a loud clunk. When Ed was finally brave enough to crack his eyes open and look at her, she was rubbing at her forehead with a deep frown. Her next words were practically a whisper. 

"Did you love her?"

Ed swallowed, tapping his fingers against the mug. "I... I don't know."

"Bullshit." Winry snapped her eyes up to look at him, and for a split second, Ed swore he could see a little bit of himself in her. Had she picked up that fierce, hard look from him at some point? Was that just something that happened with marriage, where both people took on bits of the other's traits until they met somewhere in the middle?

"Don't tell me you don't know your feelings, Edward Elric," Winry said in a low tone. Ed sighed and looked down at his tea again. "You absolutely know. You just don't want to face it. Did you love her?" 

"Please don't make me say it," Ed whispered, his voice cracking on the words. 

"Did. You. Love. Her?"

Another long moment of silence passed between them as Ed pressed his lips together and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. 

"Ed." 

"Yes, okay?!" he snapped, jumping to his feet, the words ripping out of his throat with a half-strangled scream. "Yes, I loved you. I still fucking love you! But what good does it do when I'm stuck an entire universe away from you and I can't do anything about it? What good does it do to admit I love you when all it does is hurt me? Do you want me to admit that I fucked up when I left you behind, Win? Because yes, I fucked up! But what do you expect me to do about it now? All that I can keep doing is figure out how to somehow keep moving forward, because if I stop, even for just a second to catch my breath, I could die! Even if it means I have to leave this goddamn trail of destruction and chaos in my wake!" 

He stared at her then, his chest heaving as a couple tears slipped down his cheeks even as he tried to fight them. 

"Ed," Winry whispered before standing up and coming over to him, wrapping him in a tight hug. Ed's breathing shook, his mind flicking back to the last time Winry had hugged him like this, rubble and chaos everywhere. Those fifteen stupid minutes he had been playing back in his head over and over and over again for four damn years. He should have said something, he shouldn't have left to find Al alone, hell, he could have even lingered for just a few more minutes so he could have had thirty minutes to play back in his head instead of just fifteen. 

"I'm sorry," he croaked, reaching out and hugging her back, like maybe if he squeezed her tighter, he would never have to leave her again, like maybe he could just hold her against him forever. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." 

Ed apologized like other people prayed, squeezing his eyes shut and holding the words deeply in his heart. repeating himself over and over again in the hopes that maybe if he said it enough times, he could be forgiven, absolved somehow from these sins that felt too heavy for his shoulders. 

"It's okay, Ed," Winry whispered, squeezing him just a little tighter. "You don't have to go through this alone."

Ed cried even harder at her words, burying his face against her neck. Winry hummed and rubbed her hands across his back in circles, pressing her face into his shoulder. 

Once the tears had finally stopped coming, other words got a little easier to say. Once Ed had managed to catch his breath, he and Winry sat and traded stories about the differences between their two lives, easily losing track of time as they leaned against each other. Being with Winry was so easy, even when she wasn't his Winry, even when he had spent years away from her. It was just comfortable to trade stories with her, not even pausing the conversation when they had to get up and fix lunch, still chatting even as he cut vegetables and she stirred at a skillet. She touched him so easily, just reaching for his hand or shoulder as she talked, and even that made Ed's heart twist. Something about it reminded him of Noah, how she always had that small flinch hiding behind her eyes whenever she reached out for him, scared he would push her away. He felt guilty for being there with Winry instead of with Noah. What she was experiencing with him gone, anyway?

He and Winry got so sucked into their conversation that they ended up jumping when the knock came at the front door, interrupting Ed from his story about the time his Winry had been a wild woman with a tractor. 

"That'll be Dr. Williams," Winry said with a sigh, patting Ed's knee as she stood up. "Time to see if we can figure out what's going on with that heart of yours, mister."

Ed had been hoping that perhaps the name Dr. Williams was just a simple coincidence. It was a common name, after all. But no, the man who came to the door was all too familiar, even if he had only met the man once before. His childhood memories of Dr. Williams coming and taking his mom's pulse, her temperature, murmuring as he shone a light in her eyes and month... The memories were faded like any other memory from that many years ago, and yet it still cut with painful clarity. He could still remember when he had felt like Dr. Williams was some sort of angel of death. He had never thought that he would be the one getting a special house call from Dr. Williams instead. 

Still, Ed was an adult now. Or at least, that was what he told himself even as his mouth was dry. Even if he was scared, he could be mature enough to sit still and let a freezing stethoscope get pressed against his chest. He was an adult and he could actually understand the concept that the doctor was there to help him, not as some sort of angel of death. 

"Well," Dr. Williams said with a sigh as he pulled away from Ed after several minutes of various tests and questions. "I don't have the most... refined equipment, but I would say I'm pretty sure you're right in guessing he had a heart attack. You said you were going to get a doctor from Central out here?" 

Winry whimpered, holding a hand up to her throat with a frown. "Um, yes. Someone should be coming out in a week or so." 

"Well, they'll have access to better tools and medications than a small-town guy like me," Dr. Williams said with a sigh as he started putting his equipment back in his bag. "They should be able to help you figure out why exactly you had a heart attack, since it could be a sign of something bigger. In the meantime, get good rest, try not to get too stressed, and take some aspirin. That should help you avoid further problems until we know more." 

"Thank you for coming all the way out here," Winry said with a sigh. 

"Of course. And did you still want a check-up while I'm here?"

"Uh—" Winry coughed and looked over at Ed, and he swore the blood had drained from her face. What, was she nervous about taking attention away from him? "Sure, but... Maybe we could do it in another room this time?" 

Ed coughed and looked at the floor. Oh. Of course. He wasn't actually her husband, and a check-up could involve things like getting undressed in front of him. Funny how she had been completely comfortable even with sharing a bed with him the night before, but now she was self-conscious. Had hearing about how he had treated his Winry made her suddenly realize the actual significance of someone else being in control of her husband's body?

Just a couple of minutes after Winry and the doctor had gone off to another room, Ed was interrupted out of his thoughts by the whirlwind known as Teddy suddenly coming flying into the room and launching himself on to Ed's lap with more force than even seemed possible for a three-year-old. Ed wheezed and grabbed Teddy instinctively, like a bowling ball had been thrown at his stomach and he could somehow protect himself by catching it. 

"I'm going to need to get going," a small voice said, and Ed looked up to see it was the babysitter girl from before. What was her name again? Anna? Zaza came toddling over as well, motioning at Ed to pick her up and put her on his lap with Teddy. 

"Okay," Ed said, looking over at Anna as he picked up Zaza. "Did I need to pay you or something?" 

"Oh, no! Mrs. Elric already took care of me earlier!" Anna said quickly, and Ed nearly choked at hearing the name. It was such an odd concept to think of Winry as sharing a last name with him instead of just being Winry Rockbell. 

"I just wanted to take a minute to thank you," Anna continued. "If you hadn't been there last month when that barn collapsed, I don't know if my brother would have made it. And just... my whole family is really grateful to you, Mr. Elric."

Ed wasn't sure he liked hearing "Mr. Elric" any better than "Mrs. Elric." He suddenly felt oddly old, the adult in the situation where this teenager was looking up to him as some sort of... authority figure or something. When had that happened, anyway? Who had made the mistake of trusting him with adulthood and responsibility?

"Uh, sure," Ed said with a cough. "No problem." 

It seemed like Anna had only walked out the front door when the phone was suddenly ringing. It really never did stop, did it? He could still remember a similar problem back when his mom had first gotten sick. Once everyone had heard his mom wasn't doing well, it was like the phone had never stopped ringing, someone always calling to offer well wishes, or a casserole, or babysitting or whatnot. He wondered how long it would take before the same thing happened when everyone found out he'd had a heart attack. In a town like Resembool, gossip was sometimes the only entertainment available, which meant news could sometimes rip through town in a matter of hours. 

"Hello?" Ed said as he settled Zaza against his hip, wedging the phone receiver between his shoulder and chin. Zaza took that as her chance to reach her pudgy fingers out for Ed's ponytail, giving it a sharp yank. 

„Scheiße, Zaza! Autsch!" Ed snapped, the words flying out of him before he had a chance to think. Teddy giggled from behind him, and Ed was suddenly grateful that Winry didn't know German. Knowing his luck, Teddy probably had a mind like a steel trap and would end up repeating "scheiße" eventually. At least it didn't matter if no one would recognize the word. But then another familiar laugh from the phone made Ed pause. 

"Enjoying fatherhood, Brother?"

"Al!" Ed gasped, all his attention suddenly on the phone again. Right, Al had said he was going to call again later. And Ed hadn't even figured out what he was going to say this time to make it so Al would actually listen to him. 

"Hey," Al said with a weak chuckle. "How are you feeling, anyway?" 

"Well," Ed started, but was cut off by a loud squeal from Zaza. "I mean, aside from not having any eardrums, I feel fine." 

"Did you get to talk to a doctor?" 

"Uh..." Ed coughed. "Yes."

A long minute stretched out before Al realized Ed wasn't going to say anything else, and he sighed. "And?" 

"And... He says I probably did have a heart attack?"

"Geez," Al muttered. "Okay, well. We're going to be heading out tonight. It's going to take us about a week to cross the desert. Can you just... not get into any further trouble in that time?"

Ed wasn't super familiar with the desert that was between Amestris and Xing, but he had a feeling it meant he wasn't going to get any more phone calls before Al arrived. 

"Of course, Al," Ed said with a snort. "I mean, thanks to you worrying, Mustang is going to be out here tomorrow morning. Between him and Winry, I doubt I'll have even a spare inch to cause trouble."

Al made a sound at the back of his throat like he didn't entirely believe Ed was capable of not causing trouble. A moment of silence hung over the two of them, ripe with all the unsaid things hanging in the air. Ed just wanted Al to be there already, not in a week's time. He didn't know how to navigate any of this without Al. He didn't even know what he could say to convince Al of what was actually happening instead of him just thinking it was some sort of heart attack induced psychosis. 

"I miss you," Ed whispered. 

"I... I know. I miss you too." 

For a minute, Ed suddenly understood what Winry had said the other day when she'd said she loved all the infinite hims out there somewhere, the "greater Ed," as she'd said. Even though he was in an entirely different world, Winry was still Winry and Al was still Al, even if they weren't his Winry and Al. There was some... spark to them that was the same no matter what world he was in, and that was the part of them he could never stop loving. Maybe it was their soul, or maybe even something even deeper than that. Maybe it was the same thing he had seen when he had first bumped into Alfons. 

"Al," he said, squeezing the phone tightly in his hands. He wasn't going to see Al for another week still, and he didn't know how to bear the thought of Al not believing him during that entire time. But what could he even say that would make Al believe him? Well, there was one thing he could think of off the top of his head, but he was a little loathe to bring it up, since it was something they generally avoided talking about. And what if he was remembering something that hadn't even happened in this world? But maybe he had to just trust that the greater Ed part of himself could reach out to the greater Al part of his brother, even if only for a moment. 

"Hey Al, do you remember when you first... when you first were in the armor, and you said you had to relearn how to sense things?" 

"Yeah..." Al said, and Ed could hear the wariness dripping off the corners of the word. 

"You said you had to develop this new sense, because you couldn't feel when you were bumping into things, and you said it was kind of like how Teacher taught us how to sense an opponent sneaking up silently on us even if we were blindfolded. I think you said... it was like being able to feel the entire world around you at once, but... knowing instead of feeling." 

"Okay, and?" 

"Do you still know how to do that?" 

Al sighed. "Of course I know how to do that, Brother. I use that skill all the time with alkahestry." 

"Okay, well. I want you to try using that skill, but see if you can like... use it while you're thinking about me. Like, just think about what I've felt like the times you've called me. And then compare that to your memories of me, and see if they feel different. Okay?"

Winry came back in the room at that point, murmuring a goodbye to Dr. Williams as Ed heard Al sigh from the other end of the phone. 

"Why, Brother?" 

"Just... Please try it. And think about what I was saying this morning. And then you can tell me about it when you get here." 

"Okay," Al said, sounding resigned. 

Winry wanted a chance at the phone after that, mostly so she could trade specifics with Al on what she had been observing of Ed all day. Ed felt a pang of gratitude for her taking the time to reassure Al so much. For one, it meant that Al wouldn't be worrying as much on the trip over there. And for another, she made him sound like he was doing a lot better than she had maybe thought the night before. Which would only make Al think even more about what he'd said, because Winry made it sound like he was doing pretty okay aside from the scare. And Ed didn't just spew nonsense for no reason when he was doing pretty okay. 

Ed managed to get through the rest of the night in a blur. After Winry had gotten all the information she needed from Al, there was a round of everyone everyone wishing him a safe journey and saying they loved him, even the quiet Zaza pressing her face against the phone to tell her uncle she loved him. Once the phone call was over, the house fell into the same chaotic frenzy Ed had been seeing all day, pressing from one thing to the next without hesitation. There was time playing with the kids while Winry threw dinner together, then there was the chaos of actually trying to have dinner with a couple of toddlers in attendance, then bath time, pajamas, bedtime story, a bedtime kiss on each of their foreheads, dragging Teddy back to bed three times after official bedtime... By the time the house had actually fallen silent, Ed felt ready to fall over from exhaustion. And yet somehow, Winry was still going, buzzing around the house and cleaning up dishes and toys. When she noticed Ed's exhausted expression, she sent him to bed with a laugh, saying she would be up in a minute. 

Ed decided not to even try arguing with her, dragging himself up to the bedroom and flopping on the bed without even bothering to change into his pajamas. After that, he was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

The next moment Ed was aware, he was opening his eyes to an empty white void of space. 

He spun around in a panic and found himself face to face with none other than... himself. Or at least, the him he had been trying to be all day. Somehow he could tell just by looking at this guy that he was the Ed that was supposed to be in the body he'd been in all day. The ever so slightly brighter hair, the slightly different clothes, even the extra couple inches of height (damn that guy)...

"Shit," he and the other him said in unison as their matching golden eyes connected. 

Chapter Text

Ed was immediately grateful that they had moved the automail out to the living room, because it meant that the only thing he had to move before collapsing on the bed was the journal Noah had been so mad at him over just a few hours before. After that, he was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

The next moment Ed was aware, he was opening his eyes to an empty white void of space.

He spun around in a panic and found himself face to face with none other than... himself. Or at least, the him he had been trying to be all day. Somehow he could tell just by looking at this guy that he was the Ed that was supposed to be in the body he'd been in all day. The ever so slightly darker hair, the slightly different clothes, even the missing couple inches of height (like hell he hadn't noticed).

"Shit," he and the other him said in unison as their matching golden eyes connected. 

They stood like that for what almost felt like an eternity, just staring at this other person who was just slightly too different to be a reflection. The other Ed took a step closer to him, and he mirrored the movement. He felt like they were two tense alley cats, ready to leap for each other's throats at any moment. That made sense, though. The last time he had seen someone wearing his face had been... Well, certainly not pleasant, that much was for certain. And if he had to guess, he'd bet money that this other him had also stared himself down before in less than favorable conditions. Al had mentioned Envy, after all. 

"Hey," Ed finally said, his voice rasping against the word. The other him shot him a glare. 

"Hey yourself," he said with a huff. "What the fuck are we doing here?" 

"Fuck if I know!" Ed said, throwing his hands in the air and waving at the empty space around them. Of course, of course the minute he actually met an alternate version of himself, he was just immediately snappy and suspicious. Because he couldn't expect any better from someone who was just a different version of him, after all. "Aren't you supposed to be the one who's done this before?"

"Well, I—" the other Ed groaned and ran both his hands through his hair with a huff. "I don't know. It wasn't like this last time, okay?" 

"Yeah, good thing, too. I'd rather if this whole experience didn't end with me dying," Ed said with a roll of his eyes. He'd only meant to think it, but apparently, nothing was truly only thoughts in this place. 

The other him snorted. "You already died, dumbass. Why do you think you ended up here?"

Ed's mind flicked back to the night of the switch, how he had been falling over in the cemetery and worrying he was having a heart attack. He could remember how at the time he was absolutely sure he must have died, that was why he had begged for the chance to go back, so his kids wouldn't be alone, so that... But as he thought on the memory, the landscape around him and the other him shifted and swirled, until it was like they were in the cemetery on that dark night. 

And then the other him was suddenly gasping and clutching at his chest. Before Ed could fully understand why his double was somehow having a physical problem in a non-existent void, the other him was falling to the ground. Wait. Something about the way he'd fallen was familiar. Ed looked at the grave the other him had fallen in front of. 

Sure enough, it was their mom's grave. Which meant this was Ed's memory. And the other him was... reliving it for some reason? Could you die again if you died somewhere like this? Why was it even happening?

And then the world spun again, changing into buildings and streets that seemed oddly familiar. Ed was trying to place what about it was so familiar when there was suddenly Winry in front of him, her hair cut short so it lined up with her chin. 

"Winry," Ed breathed, before he'd even had chance to think. It had only been a day, and somehow it felt like forever. He needed to talk with her about what was going on, he needed a partner who would listen to everything he had to say, he needed his teammate back, dammit. But somehow even though he was feeling all kinds of emotions over Winry not being around, it was like he was feeling two sets of emotions at once, and it suddenly hit him that this was similar to when Noah had managed to show him her memory. 

Oh. This was the other Ed's memory.

The second layer of emotions were heavy in an entirely different way. There was so much guilt it felt like he was suffocating from it, paired with a deep longing and loneliness. Fear. There was definitely lots of fear. And a feeling like he got when he was sure he had forgotten something at home but couldn't remember what. Like something needed to be done, like things were unfinished, raw...

"Ah! Excuse me!" Winry chirped at him. "I didn't see— Hey, are you okay?" 

And then he was the one gasping and clutching at his chest before he fell to the ground. This was another heart attack. The other him had a heart attack too. And it must have been right before he'd shown up in the other world, because he could vaguely remember that street and how Winry had been looming over him, how he'd thought she was his Winry... 

Void. Void, void, void. As weird as it was, he suddenly wanted the void to go back to being a void. He wanted the empty space back, not this Winry in front of him and this pain in his chest that went so much deeper than a simple heart attack. And to his relief, as he focused on the idea of the void, the space swirled again and transformed back to the white space they had been in before. 

"I don't think this is the Gate," he said in a low tone as he pulled himself up and brushed himself off. It was a useless gesture, really, considering they were in a space where dirt didn't exist, where even his own pants didn't exist. But there was something comforting to brushing himself off after being on the ground. 

The other him snorted. "What makes you so sure? I'm the one who's done this before, remember?" 

"Alright," Ed said, and held out his arms open wide. "Point number one. If this is the Gate, then where exactly is the Gate?" 

The other him turned to look, and Ed could tell the minute it clicked for him, because suddenly his eyes went wide and he spun around in a circle. 

"Okay, well, that doesn't mean—" 

"Point number two," Ed interrupted with a roll of his eyes. The other him shot him a glare. "I gave up my Gate. I shouldn't theoretically have one to visit at all." 

"What?" the other him made a face. "What do you mean you gave up your Gate? You can't do that." 

"Well," Ed shrugged. "I've done a lot of things that theoretically aren't able to be done. And yet..."

"No, that's not the point," the other him sighed with a huff. "I mean it's impossible. That's like trying to say... I don't know, that you just decided to make a town not exist one day. It's not for you to decide."

"Well, I did it anyway." 

"No, that's not—" the other him let out an aggravated groan. "Why would you even do that, anyway?"

Ed snorted and stared at his other self. Why were there even questions like this between the two of them, anyway? If they were both Edward Elric, shouldn't they just automatically understand the choices they each made? "Why do you fucking think? What would we have given anything for?"

The other him went quiet, his mouth becoming a tight line. "Ah."

A long moment of silence passed between the two of them before the other him eventually huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, that hardly seems fair. I had to give my freaking life." 

Ed wished he could say the words surprised him, but it was such a normal thought to him that he mostly just felt a sense of Yeah, that lines up. There was one thing that didn't really make sense if that was what had happened, though. 

"How are you still alive if you had to give your life?" Ed glanced the other him over with a frown. Al had deliberately skipped around a few explanations, other than explaining that travel between the two worlds required the Gate, and using the Gate meant some sort of sacrifice. Ed still felt pretty confused on what exactly had happened that ended in those two getting to Germany. 

"It doesn't matter," the other him said with a wave of his hand. "What matters is figuring out why we're here. Did we die again, or what?" 

Ed swallowed a lump in his throat at the thought. "I hope not." What was the last thing he could remember, anyway? He flicked his mind back through the day. He could remember eating a bowl of soup as he looked at the automail on the table, oh, and then there was Al and Noah dancing, and his awkward attempt, and then... Bed, right. The world shifted as he flicked though his memories, smoothly flowing from one to the next until he settled on the memory of climbing into bed. 

"Night, Al," the other him mumbled and flopped on the bed. The Al in his memory was looking over at him with a soft smile that Ed couldn't entirely place. 

"Goodnight," Al said, and the word hung heavily in the air, feeling unfinished. No "Brother" to finished the phrase off like he always did, just an awkward goodnight that they both knew was an attempt to avoid the awkwardness of what Ed should be called. 

"Well, I don't think I died," Ed said, letting the memory fade away to white again. "I think I just fell asleep. What's the last thing you remember?"

The world shifted and swirled around them again, but this time it was Ed getting dragged through a montage of memories. First he was murmuring on the phone to Al, wishing him safe travels and exchanging "love yous," then there was Teddy making an absolute mess of a plate of food, then a whispered "goodnight" and pulling the covers over Teddy.

Finally the world settled and he was back in their kitchen, leaning against the counter and trying to dry dishes as Winry washed them, even though he was so tired he felt like he was going to pass out on the spot. Winry looked over at him and gave him a soft smile. 

"Why don't you just go to bed? The doctor said you should rest," she said, reaching out and patting his shoulder. He nodded and put the plate he was drying on the counter. "I'll be up in a minute." 

"Mmkay. Night, Win," he mumbled, already staggering out of the kitchen. Then the memory was fading away and they were both back to that white space, staring at one another.

"Okay," the other him said, taking a deep breath. "Okay, so, we're both asleep then. But why would that make us switch back?" 

"Well, our bodies are unconscious, so maybe without that, our souls are naturally feeling pulled to go back where they're supposed to be," Ed said, scratching at his chin. "Maybe us meeting up here is like... two cars passing one another as they go in different directions." 

"Well," the other him said with a huff. "Then why have the two cars stopped in the middle of the road to stare at each other, smart guy? Why aren't we just switching back already?"

"I don't know, it's not like I'm some sort of body-switching expert," Ed said with a roll of his eyes. "Maybe it's because we're asleep or something. Maybe we're just stuck... hanging out until we wake up." 

The two of them stared at each other for a long minute in silence, contemplating the idea of hanging out with the other. The other him made a face and looked away with a scowl. "Ew." 

"Gee, thanks," Ed muttered. "It's not like I'm exactly excited about it either." 

"Well, I'm not going to call you 'Ed.' That's weird." 

"Yes, because standing with your alternate self in the middle of a void isn't weird." 

The other him huffed and narrowed his eyes. "Whatever. I'm just going to call you Two." 

"Two?! What makes you think you're number one?" 

The other him shrugged. "I dunno. I just get the feeling that I came first."

"I'm pretty sure we have the same birthday, you dipshit!" The other him just shrugged at that as if he couldn't be bothered to care, and Ed snapped. "Fine! Well, if you're going to call me Two, I'm going to call you pipsqueak, because you're the shorter one!" 

The other Ed's eyes flashed, and he clenched his hands into fists. "You know that's low."

"Not as low as you." 

"Oh, that's it!" The other him lunged for Ed's throat with a screech, and Ed instinctively protected himself with his right hand while bending down to try and jab a punch at the other Ed's gut. But before his punch actually had a chance to land, the other him jumped away, doing the classic move of turning his dodge into a kick aimed at Ed's head. Ed almost wanted to sigh and roll his eyes. Was his fighting honestly this predictable?

They continued fighting like that for longer than Ed really cared to admit. Neither of them seemed capable of landing a hit on the other one. It was just too easy for both of them to predict exactly how their double would fight, and so they just kept throwing and dodging hits without anything actually landing. But they were also both too proud to admit that it was a fight they couldn't win and it would be easier to just not fight at all. Apparently, that was the secret to perpetual energy all along, just stick two Eds in a void and have one call the other short. 

When they finally had a small break in the fight that sent them both stumbling back a couple of feet from each other, they just stood there, staring at each other. It felt like they should both be panting after fighting that hard for that long, though Ed couldn't even honestly say how long they had been fighting. It was impossible to tell how much time was passing in that place. 

"Look, this isn't going to go anywhere," Ed said with a sigh. "Even if we could land a punch on each other, it's not like it's going to do anything. We don't even have bodies to hurt here." 

The other him glowered at Ed, but didn't seem to have any argument to yell in response. Ed decided to take that as a win, even if it was a small one. 

"So I won't call you Pipsqueak, but that means you don't get to call me Two. Let's figure out different names." 

"Whatever, Bigfoot." 

Ed frowned and raised an eyebrow. "Is that... Is that supposed to be an insult?"

"Whatever," the other him muttered with a roll of his eyes. "Let's just figure out something we don't have in common. Was your last name Elric?"

"Yeah. Codename Fullmetal?" 

"Yeah." The other him furrowed his eyebrows, and then the landscape was shifting until Ed suddenly found himself in his kitchen back home. Winry was smiling at him and patting his shoulder. He wanted to just grab her and hug her tightly and never let go, but he was stuck in the other Ed's memory the way he'd experienced it. 

"She's named after your grandmother."

Ed blinked. "I didn't know I had one."

"We must have slightly different family lines," the other him muttered, tapping at his chin. The world faded back to white, and even though it had only been a memory of Winry, Ed found himself missing her even more than just a moment before. "Which means our mom would have... Hey, what's your middle name?"

"What? Oh no." Ed frowned and shook his head. "I am not going by my middle name." 

"Oh come on," the other him said with a shrug. "Let's just see if they're different. My middle name's Sylvan." 

"Oh, yeah, yep, mmhm, they're different." Ed pressed his lips together and nodded. "But I'm not ever going to be called by my middle name, so that's still not going to work." 

"Why? How bad could your middle name be?" 

"Uh..." Ed sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, think of the worst person in the world you could ever be named after." 

The other him snorted, his face cracking into a wide grin. "What, is your middle name Roy?"

"I wish," Ed muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut. "No. Think of our mom, of someone she would have known and looked up to." 

The other him frowned for a minute, and then his eyes widened. "Oh no." 

"Oh yes."

"Mom named you after Dad?" 

"Yeah, so I'd rather not get called by that name," Ed said with a sigh. There was a pause between the two of them, and when Ed looked up, his double was doing That Smirk. The smirk that Ed knew had some sort of terrible mockery behind it. He rolled his eyes with a heavy sigh. "What." 

"Your initials spell 'ehe.'" The other him paused slightly, biting at his lip like he was so amused he couldn't keep it all inside. "Should I just call you Giggle?"

"I'm going to kill you," Ed muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. Was there really much worse possible torture than being trapped in a void with yourself? "Look, just call me Bigfoot if it makes you feel better. Whatever, I don't care. And I can just call you Sylvan." 

"Why is it somehow less satisfying to call you that when you ask?" 

"Because we thrive off insulting ourself," Ed said with a sigh. "Does it really matter as long as you have something to call me?"

"Whatever, Bigfoot," Sylvan said with a roll of his eyes. "We need to focus on figuring out what the hell is going on, anyway." 

Ed frowned. "I thought we had. We're just sleeping, and I guess we're here because we're switching back, and then everything will be back to normal in the morning."

Sylvan turned back to look at Ed then, and it was an expression that Ed hated seeing looking at him with his own eyes. It was an expression of deep, deep pain and regret. And he was pretty sure that it didn't mean anything good about the situation they were currently in. He didn't know if he wanted to hear everything that had happened to cause Sylvan to look at him with that kind of expression. He didn't even want to remember the things that had caused him that kind of pain, let alone a whole new set of painful memories from an alternate him. 

"It's never that simple. Never," Sylvan whispered. "First of all, you pointed out that maybe we're not in the Gate. Okay. Well, then where are we? And why exactly did it make us switch? Even if we do switch back and everything is normal in the morning, how can we be sure it won't happen again?" 

Ed frowned. Okay, now Sylvan was actually sounding like he had done this before. Ed hadn't even thought to question if it would happen again. But of course Sylvan was questioning that. He had probably already thought it would never happen again, and yet here he was. He took in a deep breath and clapped his hands together. Casually, his fingers pointed toward the ground and definitely not expecting anything to happen. But it still helped him to think. 

"Okay," Ed said with a nod. "Okay. We can figure this out. We're already one of the smartest guys around, and now there's two of us. We can come up with something."

"Like what?" Sylvan sighed, gesturing towards the space around them. "What can we figure out when we're literally in the middle of nowhere? We don't have enough information to figure anything out. How can we figure this place out when we haven't even been here more than once?"

"That's not true," Ed said, his mind flicking back to that time immediately after he had collapsed in the cemetery. The landscape around them didn't change, but he could tell Sylvan was reliving his memory, because his eyes got wide and he spun around wildly.

"Truth! Truth please!" Sylvan screamed, his voice cracking on the words. "Any price you need, anything, please, I'll pay it! My kids don't deserve this! Please, I have to go back!"

Are you happy with how it all turned out, Alchemist?

Ed spun at the words. It sounded like what he expected of Truth, but he couldn't see Truth anywhere around in the memory. He found himself wondering if memories got his bias here. Like, if he brought up a memory where he had his eyes closed, would he be able to see the memory anyway? Could it just be that he wasn't seeing Truth because Truth had been standing behind him or something?

"No!" Sylvan screamed. His voice was loud in an almost unholy way, and then the landscape around them turned black and dark for the briefest of moments, and then it was back to the same never-ending white as before.

"Okay, if it's not the Gate, why did Truth respond when I called out to it?" Ed said. Sylvan raised an eyebrow at him. 

"Who?" 

"Truth, you know," Ed said, his eyebrows bunched together. "You know, the... thing, the... uh... Gate... keeper? The thing that actually took away your arm and leg. You know." 

"You mean the... Shadow people things inside the Gate?" Ed said with a frown. "Like... Wrath before he was Wrath?" 

"What?" Ed said, his frown getting even more intense. "No, not homunculi. The... Truth. You know. The one who's outside the Gate and is like... Nothing. Like, there and not at the same time." 

"Yeah, ya lost me, Bigfoot." 

"Okay, whatever," Ed said with a wave of his hands. "It's weird that you don't remember it, but trust me, if you went to the Gate and lost your limbs, then you must have met it. It's impossible otherwise." 

"What, like how it's impossible that you could have traded your Gate away for Al?" 

"No, no." Ed shook his head and frowned at Sylvan. "Trust me, you think it's impossible, but it's impossible. If you lost your limbs and gained something in return, Truth was involved, believe me. Even if it was just a disconnected voice or something." 

"Okay, and why exactly does this guy matter?" 

Ed sighed. "Because, I've only ever seen Truth at the Gate. If Truth is here, then—" 

"Yeah, except is Truth even here?" Sylvan said with a sigh. "Because I haven't seen him here or anything, and it doesn't seem like he's here now. I mean, wouldn't he say something if he were here? Besides, what about the fact that there isn't any Gate?" 

"Well, maybe that's because I traded it away." 

"Well, I didn't trade mine away. I can totally do alchemy in your world, so..." 

"Wait, you could do alchemy even though you were in my body?" Ed said, leaning towards Sylvan with wide eyes. He then hummed and tapped a finger against his chin. "I guess that makes sense, though. Alchemy must be connected to the soul, then. What happened?" 

Sylvan let out a bitter chuckle, and then the landscape was shifting into a memory again. In the next moment, Ed found himself in the dark kitchen, transmuting a bowl of water so it would be hot, and then Winry was suddenly there with a shocked expression on her face. Ed found himself not paying much attention to the exact words she was saying. He had known her long enough that he could guess what she was saying without hearing her say it. Instead, he focused on trying to soak up all the details of her he had been missing all day, the curve of her face, the way her hair swung as she talked passionately, the way her loose nightgown skimmed over her. He had always liked that nightgown, but he hadn't seen her wear it for a while. Probably not since she had last... been pregnant with Azami. 

"Hang on," Ed said with a wave of his hand, as he felt a ball of tension settle in the pit of his stomach. The memory suddenly faded away, Sylvan looking at him with a confused expression. Ed flicked over his own memories from just before the switch. He remembered that Winry had been coming down to breakfast a little later lately than she normally did, but he had thought that was just because she was overworking herself for the Johannsen shipment. She also had been eating less at breakfast, usually fixing herself a bowl of oatmeal. God, oatmeal! Ed wanted to slap himself. How had he not recognized it when she was eating oatmeal? The only time he had seen her eat oatmeal was when—

"What—" 

"Hey, was Winry sick this morning?" Ed said, and Sylvan barely had time to respond before the landscape shifted to a different memory. Suddenly Ed was standing outside the bathroom door at home, Zaza pressed against his hip. Zaza. He wanted to squeeze her against him and blow raspberries on her tummy, but he was stuck in the way the memory went. Zaza wasn't actually there, only the memory of her. Ed wanted to scream. He couldn't wait to switch back and see her in the morning. 

"Winry?" he frowned and knocked at the bathroom door. He could feel Sylvan's emotions pushing at him, mostly confusion as to why Winry had just suddenly run off in the middle of their conversation. Ed felt the tense ball in his stomach tighten. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Winry croaked through the door, and then made a retching sound. "I just... I forgot I can't have dairy first thing in the morning." 

"Dairy!" Ed shouted, making the memory suddenly snap away. Sylvan looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "Winry can never have milk when she's pregnant!" They'd both laughed about it when she had been pregnant with Teddy, Winry saying the baby was probably going to come out hating milk as much as his dad, but to both their surprise, Teddy actually seemed to love the stuff. Then it had happened again when Winry got pregnant with Azami and Winry had started figuring that it was just a sensitivity she had as a result of being pregnant. 

"Wait," Sylvan said, his eyes going wide. "Winry's pregnant?" 

"I think so!" Ed said, his face cracking into a wide grin. "I mean, I would have to see, but... Oh, I bet she was just waiting until the birthday party so she could tell us all at the same time!"

"No, but..." Sylvan said, and Ed actually turned his attention to his double. Sylvan somehow managed to look like the blood had drained from his face, even though he didn't have blood or even a physical face for it to drain from. Ed bit his lip to keep himself from chuckling. He could remember feeling about the same way when he had first found out Winry was pregnant with Teddy. 

"Relax," he said, flashing the other him what he hoped was a reassuring grin. "I'm sure we'll switch back after this, and you won't have to deal with any of it."

"O-Okay," Sylvan said, his eyes still unsure. 

"Just..." Ed tried to take a deep breath, still grinning widely. He felt like he had missed out on so much after just missing one day, and Winry hadn't even announced she was pregnant yet. "Can you just... Show me everything that happened since we switched? So I'm not... confused when we switch back." 

The way time passed in the void was different from how time normally passed in the physical realm, moving both incredibly fast and slow all at the same time. Sylvan was able to catch Ed up on the entire day, and it felt like everything was passing in normal time for Ed. Yet once the memories stopped, it felt like he had just been remembering something that had happened. It hadn't really taken time because it had already taken time before and he had just been remembering it somehow. So once he had caught up on the entire day, he offered the same to Sylvan and recounted his day with Noah. 

"Your Charleston really needs some work," Sylvan said with a wry grin, and Ed actually laughed. It just felt easier to laugh, knowing he would get to be home and see his kids again soon, that he would be able to hug Winry and tease her for trying to hide a pregnancy from him. It had just been a weird day, but the end was in sight. He was going to get to go home. And hell, he was even going to have Al coming out to see him instead of having to take an awful trip across the desert. It would all be over soon and he would be able to just have his family back. 

"I don't think that's really going to matter," Ed said, and Sylvan snorted. "No one will even know what that dance is once I go home." 

"What, you're going to refuse the chance to start a new dance trend?" 

"Eh, I've had enough fame for one lifetime, honestly." 

There was a pause between the two of them after that, like they were slowly running out of words the closer they got to waking up. It was like on some level Ed could feel time passing in the physical world, even if everything felt unending and timeless in the void. But there was still something he wanted to say before he woke up, something important.

"Thanks," Ed said softly, rubbing the back of his neck. Sylvan suddenly snapped his attention up, looking at Ed with wide eyes. "Thanks for... taking care of my family." 

"Oh, yeah, no problem," Sylvan mumbled with a shrug. "It's what you would have done. Hell, it is what you did. Noah... She... Thanks." 

"Are you... Do you love her back?"

Sylvan choked, suddenly managing to blush despite being in a void with no body. What can I say? Eds have a natural instinct for being embarrassed, so much so that it transcends physical limitations. 

"L-Like it's any business of yours!" Sylvan spluttered. He then let out a yelp and clapped his hands over his ears, Ed assumed because he didn't want to hear anything else that might make him have to get in touch with his feelings. Ed raised an eyebrow with a smirk. 

"You know, it's okay if you're in love with her. It's not like it's the end of the world. And you're in a pretty decent place in terms of settling down..." He paused and frowned as he looked at Sylvan, who was still pressing his hands against his ears. His face was screwed up like he was in pain, so Ed reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, you okay?" 

"What the hell is that sound?" Sylvan shouted back, loud enough that it made Ed wince. He looked around at the space with a frown. There wasn't any sound. It was actually disturbingly quiet. There wasn't even the distant sound of traffic or anything, just empty nothingness. 

"What are you talking—" Ed started, but before he could finish the thought, Sylvan let out a frustrated scream between his teeth, and then he was just... gone.

Ed blinked and stared at the space where his double had just been. What had just happened? That... Hadn't looked good at all. There hadn't been... Some sort of accident or something, had there? He frowned and started pacing, waiting to see if the other him would reappear if just given enough time. But as nothing continued to happen, he started getting nervous. 

"Truth?" he said, glancing around the space as if he would magically get answers just because he was asking for them. I don't think so, buddy. 

Time to wake up. 

Ed woke up with a gasp, coming back to reality faster than his lungs could keep up with. He was confused for a minute, taking a minute to realign himself with reality. Right, there had been that weird lack of anything space, and he had talked to the other him. And they were going to switch back. He would get to see his kids again. Winry was pregnant!

"Win—" he called out with a grin as he started to sit up. But as soon as he put pressure on his right arm, he was immediately hit with the sense of knowing it was wrong. Again. He could feel a prosthetic again, and if he could feel that, then that meant he wasn't home. The tears sprang to his eyes almost immediately. No. No. He was supposed to be home now, dammit!

"Brother? Brother, what's wrong?" Ed could hear Al come over to him, and then there was an arm around his shoulders. Ed's brain flicked back to the entire day, how Al hadn't been calling him "Brother" all day, how his Al was supposed to be in a caravan crossing the desert, not in a bed across the room. 

"I-I'm not your b-brother, Al," Ed said between shaky breaths. "Don't call me that if you're just going to t-take it a-away again."

There was a long pause, and Ed felt the hand that had been rubbing his shoulder freeze. Eventually, Al took in a deep breath and murmured, "I'm sorry." 

Once Ed had managed to calm down again, he tried to go back to sleep. He didn't want to face being awake and still in this life. Maybe if he could just get back to the void, he and his double could actually switch properly. Maybe they could just meet back up and actually trade lives properly, like they were going to do before whatever had interrupted them. He just had to hope and pray that the fact that he was in this life at all was a sign that things weren't worse. After all, if his body had died, they would have switched back, right? That was what Al had said, at least. Which meant that it must have just been that Sylvan had been startled awake. Maybe he would just go back to sleep and they could switch properly. 

There had to be a way to switch back. There just had to. 

"Are you... Do you love her back?"

Ed choked at the question, feeling his insides twist into knots. His brain flicked back to the dream he'd had just the night before, when Noah had been kissing him and he'd been enjoying it, wishing he had would just let himself be close to her instead of holding her at arm's length. He desperately tried to focus on something other than the memory though, since he definitely did not want the experience of watching that memory get played out by his double in 3D space around him. 

"L-Like it's any business of yours!" Ed spluttered. He opened his mouth to say more and tell off the other him, but before he could get a word out, all sound was cut off by the sound of an obnoxiously loud bell. Ed yelped and clapped his hands over his ears, looking around and trying to pinpoint where it was coming from. He couldn't remember ever hearing a bell that loud before. Was this some sort of weird Gate phenomena? Or was this something else, somehow? 

He then noticed that the other guy was saying something, but he couldn't make out any of the words over the sound of ringing. He squeezed his eyes shut, not even bothering to respond. It wasn't like it would matter when he wouldn't be able to hear anything said in response, anyway. He felt like he was somehow dying by sound, like he was being shaken apart by his core. 

And then there was a hand on his shoulder, gentle and reassuring. It reminded him of Al for a minute, and he opened his eyes, only to find himself looking at a worried version of his own face. Oh, right. He was saying something, though Ed had no idea what. 

"What the hell is that sound?" Ed shouted, and his double frowned and looked around as if he would be able to solve the problem just by seeing it. Except there wasn't any bell. Ed had already been looking and trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. Maybe the other guy couldn't even hear the damn thing. 

Ed clenched his teeth together and let out a muffled scream, pressing his hands tighter against his head. He just wanted the problem to go away, wanted to make it stop, wanted to—

In the next moment, the sound was suddenly quieter, and Ed realized that was because it was coming from a particular place rather than feeling like it was bouncing around in his own skull. He cracked open his eyes and looked around. 

He was in the double bed, and although it was empty, he knew it was the one in the Rockbell house. Dammit. And the alarm on Winry's nightstand was going off, though Winry was nowhere in sight. Ed groaned and rolled across the bed to turn the damn thing off. Once the noise had finally stopped, he groaned and buried his face in the pillow. He couldn't really say he was surprised that they hadn't actually switched, but he still had been hoping that maybe, just maybe, Bigfoot was actually on to something. But no. 

For a minute, he debated if he could get away with just going straight back to sleep. He didn't want to wake up and face Winry and what was probably going to be another exhausting day of parenting. But then the thought of potentially hopping back to the void only to have to answer questions about why they hadn't switched back popped into his head. 

Ed decided it would be easiest to just wake up and deal with the day. He would face his double later. 

As he got up and staggered over to the dresser, Ed decided that he was going to dress more like himself. The day before, he had just thrown on the first pants and shirt he had run across without giving it much thought. But he was slowly settling into the idea that he didn't know how long he was going to be in this world. Why spend that time not wearing the sorts of clothes he wanted? 

Thankfully, he and his double seemed to have a similar enough style, and it was easy to find clothes pretty similar to the style and color palette he had gotten used to in Germany. For a minute, Ed almost considering going back to the bright colors he had worn back before he had hopped worlds and had felt the urge to try blending in and not drawing attention to himself, but it had been seven years. His waistcoat was more a habit now than his red coat had ever gotten the chance to be. 

The only thing Ed couldn't find somewhere in the drawer was an arm garter. Which was a shame, because they were honestly a useful piece of fashion. They made rolling his sleeves up so much easier, and then shirts wouldn't slip down just because he had moved around. He'd once worn it on his automail arm, but had stopped when he realized that his automail didn't really need the extra help to keep shirts up. Plus an arm garter tended to just get caught in the joints. But he had two flesh arms now, he supposed, which meant maybe it would be best to go back to two. Getting new arm garters was an easy fix anyway. He had alchemy again, and there was a spare belt that he was sure wouldn't be missed. He decided to go with just the one arm garter like he was used to wearing. There probably wouldn't be that much need to roll up his shirt, anyway.

When he looked in the mirror, it was almost reassuring and uncanny at the same time. It was almost like every other time he'd looked at himself in the mirror with the same outfit, and yet it was different too. Not enough to just be different, but enough that it felt like he was looking at a slightly distorted version of himself. His hair was ever so slightly brighter, not enough to matter, but enough that he noticed. He was just a bit less lanky and a bit broader. He supposed that made sense, considering his double was a father in farm country. Plus he had half the automail, which had to make it a little easier to actually put on muscle. 

Ed sighed. Still. Even just making himself look a little more like himself seemed to help somehow, even if he couldn't say why. He took a deep breath and headed downstairs to find Winry. 

He eventually managed to find her in the living room, though she was accompanied by another couple of pairs of eyes that looked over to him as soon as he walked into the room. 

"Sorry about the alarm," Winry said, standing up and coming over to Ed with a gentle smile. "I heard the door, and then I got distracted." 

"Morning, Fullmetal," Mustang said from his spot on the sofa beside Hawkeye. His eyes were twinkling in the obnoxious way that made Ed think he had to be laughing inside his own head. "By all means, don't let us interrupt your beauty sleep. We all know you need every minute you can get." 

Ed rolled his eyes. "Oh, so is that why you're always napping on the job? Mustang, you should have told me; I would have let you sleep in more often. You know how much I care about charity work!" 

"Very funny," Mustang said in a flat tone, but Ed could tell he was amused by the way his eyes flashed. "Now, are you ready to actually tell me what's going on?'

"Ready as I'll ever be," Ed muttered. "Let's do this."

Chapter Text

Something about seeing Winry and his kids, thinking he would go home and all this would just be a bad dream, but then watching as any hope of that evaporated broke something deep within Ed. He couldn't seem to fully fall asleep again, but he still stayed in bed, curled under the covers even as he heard Al getting up and getting ready for the day. He could hear the low discussion in German that happened in the other room as he stayed in bed and stared at the wall. He knew they were discussing him, but he still didn't have the heart to move. He didn't know how to just keep moving around and pretending everything was fine when it was the opposite of fine. He stayed in the same spot even as he heard Al come back in the room and quietly lay a hand against his shoulder. 

"I'm going to have to get going for work soon," Al murmured. Ed gave him a nod to show he was listening. "Is there anything I can get you before I leave?" 

There was a long pause between the two of them, the words hanging heavily in the air. Ed barely had a moment to think to himself that it was a positively pregnant pause, and then he was suddenly holding back tears again just from the word "pregnant" having popped into his head. Winry was pregnant again and he hadn't had a chance to celebrate with her, to hug her, kiss her, and tell her how excited he was. 

"No, Al," Ed choked out, pulling the covers a little tighter around himself. "I don't think anything I want is something you can get for me." 

There was another long, quiet pause before Ed finally heard the rustling of Al leaving the room. Then he heard Al say something more to Noah in German. There were a couple of minutes of hushed conversation, as if they were worried he would understand if they talked loudly enough for him to hear. He almost wanted to poke his head out the door just to tell them that he wouldn't understand this foreign language, there was no reason to tiptoe around. But before he could work up the energy to be angry, the conversation stopped and he heard the front door close. Al had gone to work, then. He breathed a small sigh of relief. Maybe now he would just be left to mope in peace. 

Ed thought he would feel better once he knew Al was gone and he wouldn't have to try any further, but instead, it just felt like he was beginning to choke, the walls closing in around him. He wanted, no, needed to get out of there, but there was nowhere he could even think of that was where he needed to go. He didn't know anywhere in this city, this country, this world. And all he wanted more than anything was a familiar face. Well, maybe not just a familiar face. Those seemed to be in excess here, and yet nothing was familiar about these people at all. Well, they were and they weren't familiar all at once. 

Whatever the case, he needed to get out. 

Ed dragged himself out of bed and staggered over to the dresser. What he ended up finding was an absolute abundance of sensible, adult clothes in muted colors, and for the first time in years, he felt himself disgusted by the thought. He didn't feel sensible in the slightest. He wanted to yell and scream and wear colors that made everyone yell at him and tell him how tacky his style was. God, what he wouldn't give for even just a stupid jab from Ling about his clothing. Anyone, any kind of familiar reaction would be welcome. 

He decided against the clothes in the dresser and instead stumbled out into the living room in the same clothes he had been wearing the day before. He had been too tired to ask Al about pajamas the night before, too disoriented to even care. He hadn't even bothered to pull his hair out of its ponytail, and it was a frizzy mess, the ribbon barely hanging on and strands of hair hanging freely around his face. He was sure he looked a mess, but he didn't have it in him to care. 

Of course, the first sight he was greeted with as soon as he stepped into the living room was the automail sitting on the table, still half disassembled. 

It looked so much like Winry's worktable back at home that for a minute he actually thought maybe he had been mistaken, that maybe Winry actually was here. But the truth came back almost as quickly as it left him, and Ed was stuck staring at the automail and gasping for breath. He wanted to sweep it off the table, throw it out the window and get it as far away from him as possible. Thankfully, a small part of his brain actually remained slightly logical and immediately reminded him that if he did that, he could break it beyond repair, and since it was the only piece of Winry he had in this world, it was kind of important to keep it working. 

So Ed stood there, frozen as his brain was torn between hating the automail and wanting to get it as far away from him as possible versus loving it and wanting to hold it and never let it go. Torn in half from the indecision, Ed's brain instead opted for the best compromise it knew to do, and Ed sank to his knees with a scream, pressing his hands against his forehead. 

Noah was on the sofa reading and hadn't noticed Ed coming out of his bedroom, but as soon as he screamed, she was up and by his side in an instant. 

He still had people counting on him, people who depended on him, and he couldn't let them down. He had to get up, had to get home, had to- Ed's side cramped and he cried out in pain, pressing his hands to his side as if he could reassure himself that it was whole, he was fine, this wasn't like last time. He could distantly hear Noah saying something, but his mind wasn't focused on her. He was a million miles away, years away, surrounded by steel bars and blood. He could feel his breath rattling around in his chest and he knew something was wrong, but not in the way he was thinking it had to be wrong, just wrong somehow, somehow he had to figure it out, pull himself out of this, do something, get off the floor, do something.

He wasn't sure how long he sat on the floor like that, but eventually, he became aware of his actual surroundings instead of the memories in his head. The way the wooden floor was smooth and cold against his fingers. He took in a shaky breath and closed his eyes, trying to focus on the feeling of his lungs stretching and filling with the air.

Noah was talking, and even though he didn't understand the words she was saying, there was something comforting to it. Her words were regular and rhythmic, in a way that almost reminded Ed of riding trains and feeling the tracks clattering underneath. When he cracked his eyes open, he could see her sitting in front of him, twisting her fingers together like she didn't know what to do with them.  Ed slid his eyes shut again and focused on just her words, letting the pieces of himself slowly pull back together.

It almost felt like being back in that void space again, but somehow without being asleep. He could just drift on Noah's words, letting them run through his ears without having to focus on the meaning, only the cadence and sweet tone of Noah's voice. But the feeling was familiar, like Ed was floating between worlds, between lives, like he could somehow just access his double's memories without even trying.

"I don't even know what would best help you," Noah said, her voice cracking on the words.

"Winry always used to touch my face," Ed murmured.

Silence fell over the room, Noah taking in a sharp breath and stopping her constant stream of babbling. Ed frowned, wondering why she would suddenly stop talking just because he had talked back. After all, it wasn't that surprising that he would eventually get past the worst part of a panic attack and would be able to talk again.

And then it suddenly hit him. He had spoken in German. Noah had said something in German and then he had responded in German. Ed's eyes snapped open.

„Was?" Noah whispered. Her eyes were rimmed with red, and Ed wondered if she had been crying because of him. But he had promised— No, wait, that hadn't been a promise to Noah.

But he hadn't intuitively understood her that time. He wasn't doing the same thing he had been doing before. Ed frowned at the thought. How exactly had the understanding come so easily to him before? He held up a finger to Noah and squeezed his eyes shut again, focusing on the feeling of the void again, trying to snap his brain back to the same mindset. Having his eyes closed helped somehow, like not having visual stimulation helped to remind him of that space with nothing.

"I'm trying," he whispered, his voice scraping across the words. It felt like he hadn't talked in years, and he wasn't even entirely sure which language he was talking in. Everything felt nebulous and vague, and yet he somehow had to find a way to maintain that while focusing at the same time. Wait, something about that feeling was familiar. Where had he felt that before, anyway?

The answer hit him like a ton of bricks. Alchemy.

Talking to Noah in German required the same kind of focus that transmuting always had. It had just been so long since he had done it that it took him a minute to even recognize the feeling. Embarrassing, really, that the great and mighty Fullmetal Alchemist couldn't even remember what it felt like to transmute.

"It's not completely gone," he said with a little laugh, opening his eyes and looking down at his mismatched hands. There was something so familiar to the entire situation, being in the middle of a problem that terrified the living daylights out of him. Something familiar to this feeling of having to focus his energy on something bigger and more nebulous than him while somehow remembering to also stay grounded. It was all somehow so familiar, so... exhilarating that he felt downright giddy. Or maybe that was the memory of constantly being hopped up on adrenaline and teenage amounts of testosterone.

"What's not completely gone?" Noah said, raising an eyebrow at him. Ed looked up at her, a grin stretching across his face.

"Me," he whispered.

"Well, someone needs to get breakfast ready for the kids before they wake up," Winry said with a sigh, reaching out and patting Ed on the shoulder. She paused, her hand lingering on his shoulder and she looked over his outfit. Her fingers trailed down from his shoulder to the sleeve garter on his arm. "What are you wearing? It looks... nice."

"Winry," Ed hissed, the hairs on his arm standing up. He glanced over to Mustang and Hawkeye over on the sofa before adding, "Please remember which one I am?"

"Right," Winry said, blinking and shaking her head like she was pulling herself out of a dream. She pulled her hand away from him, her fingers hovering in the air like she couldn't decide what to do with them. Ed resisted the urge to roll his eyes. No wonder she and his double already had two children. Or even... He glanced down at her belly, then back up at her face. No, his double couldn't be right about her being pregnant, could he?

Oh, who was Ed kidding? Of course Bigfoot was right. Winry was his wife, after all. Of course he knew all of her habits.

"I'm going to make some eggs," Winry said, turning to look at Mustang and Hawkeye. "How do you two like your eggs?"

"Poach—" Mustang started, but got cut off by an elbow from Hawkeye.

"Please don't trouble yourself, Winry," Hawkeye said, shooting a glare at Mustang. "I'm sure we can get some breakfast at a local restaurant."

"Oh, it's no trouble!" Winry said, beaming at them. "Eggs are easy enough that it doesn't matter if I take the time to make them a bunch of different ways!"

"Her favorite is eggs in a basket," Roy said with a cough, and Hawkeye shot him another glare. Ed raised an eyebrow. Apparently, those two were having breakfast together in this world. Interesting.

"Don't worry about it!" Winry said, waving at Hawkeye even as she opened her mouth to protest. "I'm sure you three are going to be talking for a while, so who knows when you would be able to get out to a restaurant anyway. You might as well still have decent food in the meantime!"

Hawkeye let out a long sigh before giving Winry a soft smile. "If you insist. Thank you, Winry."

"I'll make your favorite, too," Winry said, flashing Ed a smile before she went off to the kitchen. He watched her as she walked off, staring at her stomach and trying to figure out if he could see a bump. After all, there had been something that had tipped his double off to her being pregnant. Maybe it was just that he knew her too well for his own good, because Ed couldn't see much of anything. Then again, he hadn't seen Winry in years, so he could be remembering her proportions wrong.

Ed was interrupted out of his thoughts by a cough from Mustang, and he turned to look while rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, I haven't forgotten about you, jackass," he said with a sigh, going over to sit in the chair Winry had been sitting in, across from the two guests. "What do you want to know?"

"Where did you want to start?" Mustang said, raising an eyebrow at Ed. Damn, he did that a lot. Apparently, Mustang still had the same pretentious fancy boy air no matter what world he came from.  

"We could spend all day getting around to actually talking at this rate," Ed muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. He then sighed and looked up. "Okay. Fine. It's never going to sound less weird, so. I'm from a parallel world."

Silence blanketed the room for a minute as the three of them stared at one another. Ed almost felt like holding his breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Of course Mustang wasn't going to believe him, not when Al hadn't even believed him. Any minute now he would find some way to brush Ed off, dismiss it as part of his heart attack, something. 

"It's too early for this," Mustang finally muttered, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He then turned and called in the direction of the kitchen, "Can I get coffee with those eggs? Extra on the... wake-up part?" 

Winry shouted back an affirmative from the kitchen. Ed frowned, flicking his attention between the two like a tennis match. It was weird seeing Mustang on such familiar terms with Winry, but then again, maybe in this world he hadn't... 

"So what's the plan?" Mustang said, leaning forward on his knees and interrupting Ed out of his thoughts. Ed blinked and looked over to Mustang. 

"Th-The plan?" 

"You're the child genius, the kid who's always got some new innovative way to deal with these crazy problems," Mustang said with a snort. Hawkeye did a silent nod beside him. "Don't tell me you don't already have ideas on how you're going to deal with this."

"No, I don't—" Ed sighed and shook his head, looking at Mustang in disbelief. "Wait, so that's it? You just believe me? You don't need me to prove it or something? Or... More details?"

"Eventually I would like more details, yes," Mustang said with a sigh. "But I'm a soldier first and foremost. I'm more interested in knowing what needs to be done rather than philosophizing over how we got here."

Ed blinked. "So you don't... You don't think I'm pulling your leg or something? You just... Trust me?"

Mustang actually laughed at that, a sharp bark that crinkled his eyes. "You honestly think I wouldn't be able to tell when you were pulling my leg?"

"Well... I-I..." Ed stammered, blinking at Mustang. How was everyone in this world just so accepting, anyway? Ed was more used to feeling like it was him and Al against the world—hell, it had been him and Al against the world when they had suddenly been on the run—but now it was almost like everything had turned upside down instead. Al was the one person who didn't believe him, and everyone else was on board. Ed didn't know what to make of that. 

"So, the plan," Mustang reiterated, spreading a hand out as if he were almost making a deal. "Don't tell me you haven't had some sort of brilliant insight in the past day." 

"No, I don't—" Ed started, almost scoffing, but then froze, slowly shaking one finger as the idea hit him. He stood up and started pacing in the space in front of the sofa. "Wait. Wait. Maybe I do have a plan." 

"There's our little mastermind," Mustang said, almost sounding proud. Ed held up a finger to silence him, his other hand rubbing at his bottom lip. 

"Shush. No height bullshit when I'm trying to think."

When it boiled down to it, really, this was the same problem he had dealt with before. He was a world away from where he was supposed to be. Which meant if they could just open the Gate, then they could switch back. Bigfoot had mentioned that he had given up his Gate, however that worked, which meant he wasn't able to do alchemy. But that was fine, they would be able to work around that. They had Al on the other side able to do alchemy, and they had him on this side. He even had a way to communicate between the two worlds and actually coordinate their efforts. The only thing they were missing was a toll. 

But his double had already come up with the perfect, impossible solution. 

"I'm going to need to find out more about how the Gate works in this world," Ed muttered with a frown. "I wonder if Teacher..."

He was cut off by Mustang clearing his throat, and Ed turned to look with a surprised expression. "I've got bad-good news for you, Fullmetal." 

"Like what?" Ed swallowed a lump in his throat. He didn't want to hear about Izumi dying in another world. A long minute passed between them before Hawkeye cleared her throat. 

"Please just tell him, sir." 

Mustang coughed, swallowed, and then made direct eye contact with Ed. "Ask me your questions. I've seen the Gate."

"Oh." Ed suddenly felt like all the air had been knocked out of him, and he flopped back down in the chair. "Fuck." 

"Yeah." 

"How... How did that happen?" 

"It's a long story." 

"Isn't it always when the Gate's involved?" Ed closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. "From what I know of the Gate, it can act like an... inter-dimensional doorway of sorts. Which means that if I could get it open, then me and the other me might be able to switch places. The only problem is that would definitely require some sort of payment. The other me mentioned something about how he was able to... give up his Gate?" 

"You talked to him?" 

The words were practically whispered, and when Ed turned to look, Winry was standing in the archway of the living room. She had four plates balanced precariously in her hands and was staring at him with wide eyes. Ed felt his breathing catch, and he almost regretted saying it. Of course that would matter to her. He should have been rushing down to tell her first thing and instead, he was focusing on plans and tolls. 

"Y-Yeah," he murmured, looking down at his hands. "He, uh... He really misses you." 

"How is that possible?" Mustang said, frowning as he grabbed the plate Winry held out to him. 

"Uh..." Ed glanced back up at Winry, who was handing the other plate to Hawkeye. "I guess apparently we synchronize when we're sleeping and we sort of just... meet in the middle." 

"So," Winry turned and handed him a plate of soft scrambled eggs as she spoke. Of course she knew exactly how he liked his eggs without asking. Of course he and his double liked the same eggs. "So would you be able to... Get a message to him?" 

"I'm pretty sure he already knows," Ed murmured, looking at her belly and then at the plate with a fresh omelet sitting on it. "You know, Winry, you don't have to choke your way through the same breakfast as us if it's just going to make you sick." 

Winry coughed on the bite of omelet she had just put in her mouth, spluttering and looking over at Ed with wide eyes. He gave her a weak smirk in response, just a small acknowledgment that yes, he knew exactly what that meant. She took in a shaky breath and put her fork down with a soft clink. 

"I... I should go check on Teddy and Zaza," she said, setting her plate on a side table and quietly leaving the room. Ed didn't miss the fact that even though Mustang and Hawkeye were both quietly eating, their eyes were sharp and clearly not missing the invisible tension. Ed sighed and pushed at the scrambled eggs on his plate. It wasn't quite the same without the fried potatoes he had gotten used to adding in an attempt to stretch out their food. But it wasn't like Winry would know things like that were different about him. She had no reason to know those things. She only knew the person he would have been, the person who never learned to speak German, never spent long nights over rocket blueprints with sauerkraut, potatoes and maybe a little beer if he and Alfons got frustrated enough. Ed's heart clenched at the memories.

How was it he could spend so long in Germany longing for Amestris, and yet when he was in Amestris, he was longing for Germany? Was he just doomed to be homesick forever, no matter what he did?

"Is everything alright between you two?" Mustang said, quietly taking a bite of his eggs. Ed shook himself out of his thoughts and turned his attention back to the current world he was dealing with. He could miss Germany later, in the middle of the night, when no one needed him.

"It's... complicated," Ed said with a sigh. "There's not exactly a handbook on the best course of action to take when you wake up in an alternate world where you happen to be married to your best friend." 

Mustang's eyebrows looked like they were about to get lost in his hairline, but he was clearly resisting the urge to say something. Not like Ed was going to push him into talking, though, not over subject matter like that. In the end, it was Hawkeye who ended up breaking the silence. 

"So you're not married to Winry in your world?"

"Nope," Ed grunted, shoveling a large enough bite of eggs into his mouth that it would hopefully excuse him from talking for a minute or two. 

"So who are you married to?" Mustang said, and Ed shot him a glare. 

"I'm not, hypocrite. Something wrong with that?"

"No, no, of course not," Hawkeye jumped in, holding up her hands. Ed glanced between her and Mustang. So they were also apparently talking as a unit in this world. Interesting. They had always been good at reading each other's minds, of course, but this was... Different, somehow. They had clearly been through something different than the Hawkeye and Mustang he had known. He hadn't even seen Hawkeye during his brief jaunt home. 

"It's just weird," Mustang added, slightly waving his fork. "You've turned into my new Hughes. Every time we talk, it's like pulling teeth to hear about anything other than your kids and wife and kids and wife and kids and wife. Imagine if you went to another world and Hughes didn't have a kid." 

Mustang paused and frowned. "Wait, Hughes does have a kid in your world, right?" 

"Yeah, yeah, of course he has a kid," Ed said with a snort. "He— Well. Actually. I guess it depends on which Hughes we're talking about." 

"You... know more than one Hughes." 

"Long story," Ed said parroting Mustang's words from earlier with a smirk. 

"I don't know whether the thought of him not shoving baby pictures in my face is exciting or terrifying," Mustang said, turning back to his eggs with an amused shake of his head.

"Terrifying," Ed muttered. "Trust me." 

"They called her dirty and they spat on her, Hughes," Ed said, lunging forward and grabbing the elbow of the older man's coat. "Please. You have to tell your friends something."

"They're allowed to express their opinions, Ed," Hughes said with an irritated shrug of his arm that separated him from Ed.

Ed shuddered at the memory of that terrifying night from several years ago. He mentally reminded himself that he was fine, that he shouldn't let himself get worked up over things that were only memories anyway. If he wanted to make sure Noah would stay safe, then he needed to focus on getting back home as quickly as possible. Which meant focusing on Mustang and whatever information he had. 

"You okay, kid? You look pale."

Ed snapped out of his thoughts to shoot Mustang a glare. "I'm hardly a kid now, ya know." 

"Right." Mustang smirked slightly and shook his head. "It's hard to remember sometimes." 

"Yeah, because you're getting old," Ed scoffed and rolled his eyes. He paused and then considered Mustang. "You know, I think I can count on one hand the amount of times I've seen you in civvies. What's up with that?" 

Mustang grunted and shrugged, setting his empty plate aside on the side table. "You're not enlisted anymore, so this isn't really what you would call an official visit. This is just... A friend checking up on a friend after a serious health scare." 

Ed frowned. A non-official visit meant that Mustang must have used some of his precious personal time, which Ed knew he was absolutely loathe to give up without decent cause. "You would go to that much trouble for me? You could have just called me from your house, dummy." 

"This saves time in the long run," Mustang said with a half-smirk. "I know that if you sound scared, then whatever's going on is serious. I'm sure I would have had to come out here eventually."

Ed just stared at Mustang for a minute, blinking. It was coated in a jab because how else would they ever talk to each other, but he could still see the meaning hidden underneath that. Mustang trusted his judgment. Mustang trusted him. Even if this wasn't exactly "his" Mustang, the sentiment still hit Ed harder than he cared to admit. Mustang had been willing to make a dash across the country just because he trusted Ed. 

"So," Mustang said, lacing his fingers together. "What do you need to know for this probably-crazy plan of yours?"

A grin slowly stretched over Ed's face, and he leaned forward, his forearms on his knees. 

"Tell me everything you know about the Gate." 

"How," Noah breathed, looking Ed over like she couldn't even believe he was in front of her, "How are you suddenly able to speak German?" 

"Well, it's not easy," Ed said with a shake of his head, slowly pushing himself to his feet and brushing himself off. "It's like running a constant transmutation. Only... It's like I'm transmuting the two parts of myself together."

"Doesn't that hurt?" Noah said. She sounded almost horrified, so Ed tried to give her a reassuring smile. But even with the excitement of a tantalizing new discovery, he could still feel the heart-wrenching sadness underneath, so he had a feeling the smile wasn't as reassuring as it could possibly be. 

"No, of course it doesn't hurt. It just feels like... Remembering how to do something you haven't done in a really long time." Ed then sighed and glanced around the room. It felt like he had been stuck inside the small apartment for forever now, and it was like the walls were beginning to press in on him. He needed to go somewhere, run, do something, not just stay inside for another day. 

"I need to get out of here for a while," he said, turning and looking at Noah. She frowned at him.

"No, no, you..."

"Please, Noah," he said, and his voice shook with the words. "I'm in an entirely different world and I've hardly seen anything other than this apartment. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Didn't Al mention something about you and... the other me going out to earn money usually?" 

"No," she murmured with a frown. "No, this is safer."

"I can handle talking to people now," Ed said, and he cringed at the fact that he sounded a little like a petulant child. "You've been understanding me. And I could use more practice. Come on, don't you need that extra money?" 

"Well..." Noah frowned and glanced over to the corner where a guitar was propped. "But Ed wouldn't want..." 

"Noah," Ed murmured, and she spun back to look at him. "Look at me. I'm an Ed too. I know what sorts of things we want. And yes, of course he wouldn't want you or Al to be in any danger. But he also wouldn't want you putting your lives on hold just because he wasn't around." 

Noah sighed and bit her lip, turning back to look at the guitar for a minute before she turned back to Ed. "Okay. I'll make you a deal, then. Prove you can handle it and play a song on the guitar." 

"How do you know I don't already know how to play guitar?" Ed smirked and raised an eyebrow. Noah's face fell like she couldn't believe she hadn't thought of such a possibility, so Ed added with a small laugh, "I mean, I never actually had time to learn guitar, though. I just figured you should see the potential flaw in your plan."

"I guess all Eds are smart asses," Noah muttered with a roll of her eyes as Ed went over to the guitar and picked it up. 

"Okay," Ed said, awkwardly placing his fingers over the strings. "Uh, here goes, I guess."

He closed his eyes and let out a slow breath as he tried to focus. Something about the guitar was actually oddly familiar to him, like it was warm and alive in his hands. He trailed his fingers across the strings, trying to let go of himself and just let the music take over instead. When he finally stopped and looked up again, Noah had tears in her eyes. 

"Why... Why did you play that song?" she whispered. Ed shrugged and looked down at the guitar. 

"I dunno. I just kind of... let my fingers play the song they knew best." 

"Of course," Noah murmured, and then she made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. Ed put the guitar back down with a frown and went back over to Noah even as she sunk on the sofa. But before he could even say anything, she was burying her face in her hands and making a sound like she was trying to fight the tears that were coming out anyway. "Of course that's the song he knew best." 

"Noah..." Ed whispered. His hand instinctively went out to touch her, but then he paused, unsure and hovering slightly over her shoulder. Was touching even something that actually comforted her, or was it just something that scared her even more? He wasn't used to just touching someone coming with so much extra weight. "Um... I'm willing to give you a hug. If you, uh, want—" 

He was cut off by Noah suddenly thumping her head against his chest. (Ed didn't want to acknowledge how much she had to bend down in order to actually accomplish it, though.) But before he had much chance to say something reassuring to her or even pat her back, her memories were pressing against his mind like a second skin. 

He was looking at some dirt path as it zoomed past, getting jostled by every single bump in the road. There were feminine voices singing a song, and he could vaguely recognize it was the song he had been picking out on the guitar just a few moments ago. And then he was turning and looking at—wait, was that honestly what he looked like from the back? Ed had never even thought to question that he had never seen himself from behind before. Noah's thoughts pressed at him even as his own mind spun though, wondering if she'd said too much, wondering if the handsome blond man was mad at her, scared of her. And then she turned, her eyes flicking a little further away from the other him, landing on the concerned look Al was giving her. His blue eyes were sharp, clearly thinking a mile a minute as he looked her over. 

Wait, blue? Ed could have sworn that this Al's eyes were—

But then the memory spun and swirled, and he was in some apartment other than the one they were currently in. Noah was moving—no, dancing—in the memory, and the room spun and twirled with her. Ed was only able to catch glimpses of the other him plucking at a guitar and laughing. 

"Wait, hang on," the other him said, his fingers tripping over the strings and making a distorted sound. He laughed and shook his head at the guitar, and Ed—no, Noah—giggled with him. The other him frowned in concentration, plucking awkwardly at the strings before slowly nodding, the tune stabilizing again. "No, no, I got it now." 

The memory was changing again, to a dark night where Ed and Noah were stretched out on the grass and looking up at a dark sky full of stars. But before the memory could fully solidify, it was suddenly disappearing entirely, being replaced by the other apartment, the one Ed was actually used to seeing. And there was Noah sitting next to him, and he was himself, like he was supposed to be. He shook his head, trying to take in a slow breath. 

"Ed?"

"Yeah, sorry," he said, closing his eyes and holding a hand to his forehead. "It's just... getting memories from you is kinda disorienting, that's all." 

"Oh, you—" Noah paused, her words catching as she sucked in a breath. "You saw one of my memories?"

"Yeah, I think it must have been when you and..." Ed trailed off with a frown as he opened his eyes and looked at Noah again. "You and the... other Ed met."

"Oh." Noah looked down at her hands in her lap, a small smile turning up the corners of her mouth. "Well, I was thinking about that. I just... haven't been able to do that since..."

"Yeah," Ed murmured, looking down at his own hands. "I'm guessing that there must be an impact when you get more emotional."

Specifically, she seemed more capable of making him see her memories when she was missing his double particularly hard, but Ed didn't really want to say that specifically. So instead, a long moment of silence passed over the two of them, neither really sure what to say to the other. It was still odd to Ed how she could feel so familiar and distant to him all at once. Noah somehow felt like she was an old friend, and he knew it wasn't just because of the familiar face like with Al, since he had never been particularly close to Rosé back home. Somehow, Noah still felt like he had known her for years, and yet somehow he also felt distant and disconnected from her, like an old friend he maybe hadn't been keeping up with for years and now he was trying to make awkward small talk with her at some cousin's wedding or something. 

He glanced at Noah out of the corner of his eye. And somehow, his double was in love with her. Of course Sylvan had been trying to deny it when Ed had asked, but Ed recognized that embarrassed spluttering. He had once done the exact same kind of denial over a cup of coffee in Hawkeye's apartment. She had been able to recognize what he wasn't willing to say, just like he could recognize with his double now. 

But there was one thing Ed was sure about. If Noah had managed to get his double falling for her, then she had to be a pretty awesome person. And a big part of Ed was curious about who else he could have apparently fallen for besides Winry. 

He was interrupted out his thoughts by a sudden clatter from the table. When he and Noah both turned to look, they were greeted by none other than Muh-Muh on the table, leaning down to bite at a screw. Ed jumped to his feet with a yelp. 

"Hey! I thought you were supposed to avoid that if it was on the table!" he snapped. Muh-Muh ignored him with the kind of willful obstinance that only a cat was capable of, biting at the screw and tossing it back in his mouth like it was some sort of treat. Ed yelped and lunged for the cat, managing to grab him before he ran off. At least Ed was familiar enough with toddlers that he was able to stick his fingers in Muh-Muh's mouth and pull the screw out before he actually swallowed it. 

"Kistokai!" Ed snapped, waving the screw at Muh-Muh. The cat gave him a glare that was somewhere between being bored and annoyed that Ed had stopped his fun. "Kisto, kisto, kistokai!"

"Kistokai?"

Noah was standing up and coming over to Ed, and he suddenly realized that in his panic, he had slipped out of German and back to Amestrian. He sighed. That was definitely something that was going to take a bit of practice. He wondered if it would ever start feeling more natural, or if using this shortcut instead of actually learning the language would just make it so he never really felt perfectly comfortable with the language. Ed sighed and took a deep breath in, trying to recenter himself and connect to the same feeling from before. 

"Sorry, I slipped into Amestrian for a minute there." 

"I figured," Noah said with a laugh. "I was wondering what it meant." 

"Oh, uh..." Ed laughed a little and threw the screw back on the table with the other automail parts. "It's pretty rude actually, but it's just a way of saying someone is... uh... A troublemaker, I guess? Kai is a person, but it's... a rude way of saying it, and then kisto is a modifier that means... trouble? It's like calling someone a delinquent, but... more like a swear." 

"Ah, sounds like an important word for your vocabulary," Noah said with a laugh. "I bet the Amestrian dictionary has a picture of you next to the word." 

"Hey!" Ed said with a laugh. "I got called kistokai enough from Mustang, I don't need it from you too!"

Noah hummed at him, the corners of her mouth turning up in amusement. "Well, if at some point you decide you're done whining and you're willing to put that automail somewhere the cat can't get it, then I could always show you around town like you wanted."

"Really?" 

"Just don't go kistokai-ing all over town and making me regret it," Noah said, her eyes glinting. Ed made a face at her. 

"For the record, that's not how you use the word." 

"Oh please, as if you're one to give me a lecture on following rules."

Chapter Text

"I just wish I had something to wear with at least a little more color than this," Ed muttered, glancing down at his white button-up shirt as he brushed out his hair. Noah looked over at him with a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth. 

"Oh really? You still like wearing color?" she said, braiding a small piece of hair near the front of her head. "Ed always said he outgrew that when he left his world." 

"Yeah, I went through a phase like that too," Ed said with a shrug. "It wasn't that I honestly didn't like color though." 

"Huh?" Noah blinked at him. "Then why'd you stop?" 

Ed frowned, thinking back to that time after the Promised Day. He could still remember how he had tried to put on a smiling face on the outside because there was no reason to be sad, not when he had succeeded in getting Al back, not when he had even managed to get his own arm back. But there had still been that gnawing in the back of his mind asking what he was good for now that he didn't have alchemy. He sighed and shrugged at Noah. 

"Depression, mostly."

"Oh." Noah frowned. "Do you think he's...?"

"Probably." 

"Oh," Noah whispered. "Is there anything I can do to help?" 

Ed scrunched up his face in thought. "It depends. I'd have to know what all has been going on if I'm going to figure out what's going through his head. But I can try to help, if you'd like." 

"I'd appreciate it," Noah said with a small smile. "And I can help with the color, if you'd like." 

Ed's eyebrows shot up. "Really? Yeah, please, show me whatcha got." 

"Wait here one minute," Noah said, her smile getting just a little wider. She then went over to her room and disappeared through the doorway, leaving him to wonder just what kind of colorful clothes she would bring him. 

When she came out of the room again, she was holding a piece of fabric that was a deep red. It wasn't the same kind of gaudy, bright red he had gotten used to wearing non-stop in his teens, but there was still something appealing about the almost-wine color. It was somehow mature and elegant without the same bland feeling of going back to neutrals. Noah unfolded the fabric and held it up, revealing a shirt with laces near the top and sleeves with a bit more poof to them than Ed was used to. It was almost like the sort of shirt he would have expected to be in style when his mom was a teenager, though he highly doubted anyone would have had a shirt like that in a color like red. 

But the most shocking element of the shirt wasn't the color, or even the style, but the embroidered flowers all over it. There were bright, colorful flowers hand-stitched all along the collar of the shirt, running down to meet in a V-shape where the laces stopped. There were also even more flowers where the cuffs of the sleeves flared out. It looked like the sort of clothing that was only saved for special occasions because that much embroidery was enough to be a time-consuming pain. 

"I was making this for Ed," Noah said, looking down at the floor, a blush slowly creeping up her neck. "But then he said this offhand thing about how he didn't like wearing color and I was worried he wouldn't like it." 

"So you never even gave it to him?" Ed said, practically running over to her and grabbing the shirt. When he was looking at it up close, he could see just how well-stitched the flowers actually were, and he ran his fingers over them in awe, "But, Noah... You worked so hard on this. He would have loved it." 

"You think?" Noah said, looking up at him with a small grin. Ed grinned back widely at her. 

"Hell yeah! I mean, what's not to like? It's like... fancy gentleman meets pirate!" 

"Actually..." Noah paused like she was debating whether she was actually going to say what she was thinking. After a minute, she sighed, going back to the same small smile she'd had before. "It's the sort of thing Roma boys wear."

Ed blinked and looked up from the shirt. "Roma?" 

"My people," Noah said, her grin stretching a little wider as she closed Ed's hands over the shirt. 

He stared at her blinking for a minute, his fingers tightening around the fabric as the words sank in. He had registered her darker skin, of course, but for some reason, he hadn't thought to even question what that meant in this world of different countries than what he knew. Something from her culture, something that had taken this much work... It was like she was giving him a piece of herself. 

"I... Are you..." Ed frowned and bit his lip. Somehow it seemed rude to ask if she was sure when she was giving him something so personal. "It's okay if I wear this?"

"Of course," Noah said, patting his hand. There was an expression that Ed couldn't recognize in her eyes, and he wondered what she was seeing in his memories. But before he could even think to ask, she was pulling away. "Now please, just get dressed."

She turned and went off to her room, presumably to do the same and change out of her nightgown. Ed would have to actually ask Al where his double kept his pajamas later. But for the moment, all he could do was follow Noah's lead and go off to pick out some pants that would go with his new favorite shirt. He was honestly kind of jealous that he wouldn't be able to take the shirt with him whenever he ended up going back home. Then again, Noah had made the shirt for his double anyway, not him. 

If his double refused to wear this shirt after all the work Noah had put into it, then Ed would use his own hands to strangle the guy. Sure, it would be a really weird experience, and sure, he would have to figure out how to cross worlds just to do it, but it would be worth it. After all, it was clear Noah had put hours upon hours of work into the shirt. It deserved to be worn and appreciated. 

He ended up finding a pair of black pants to go with the shirt, tucking it in so it billowed out over the top of his belt. When he went back out of his room, Noah was wearing a simple dress with a shawl of some sort tied around her waist. 

"Not bad for a gadjo," she said, giving him a once-over, her lips twitching into an amused smile. She then nodded in the direction of the corner. "Don't forget the guitar."

They also had to make sure they grabbed coats, considering it was still late January. Ed almost felt bad about throwing a plain brown coat over Noah's beautiful embroidery, but it couldn't be helped. Then again, maybe she would be willing to make him a nice colorful coat to go with the shirt. 

Wait, no, he was thinking like he would be sticking around. There was no way he would be able to be around long enough for Noah to embroider a coat, and even if he could, it wasn't like he could bring a coat across worlds with him anyway. He needed to not even think about things like that and just focus on getting home to Winry and the kids. Ed shook his head as Noah locked the front door and turned towards him again. 

And with that, they were suddenly heading out of the apartment and Ed was actually seeing the rest of the world for the first time since the panicked day he had run through the streets in a daze. He had almost managed to forget he was in an entirely different world, and not just a weird little country where Al had some kind of secret twin. The architecture was so familiar, and yet different enough that he couldn't quite feel comfortable. 

"What's the name of this city anyway?" he said, leaning towards Noah's ear so he wouldn't have to say it loudly enough for anyone else to hear. She smiled and looked towards him without turning her head. 

"Stuttgart." 

"Stuttgart." Ed tried the word on his tongue, the scoop of the 'u' clacking together uncomfortably with all the 't's in the word. The German accent wasn't always that different from Amestrian, but Stuttgart didn't really sound like the sorts of town names he was used to back home. 

Even so, Stuttgart was still an absolutely beautiful city, and Ed found himself in love at first sight. Or maybe that was just the effect of having the first breath of fresh air he'd had in... What, a day and a half? Had he seriously stayed inside that tiny apartment that long? The sky somehow seemed so blue after spending days staring at white walls, and yet he was pretty sure he could remember the sky in Resembool being even bluer. 

"Ah, someone took our usual spot," Noah said with a sigh. When Ed followed his gaze so he was looking where she was looking, he noticed a corner that seemed like any other corner, with a man playing violin as people walked past. Ed looked back to Noah and she gave him a smile and a shrug. "It can't be helped. We got a late start. Come on, let's go find a new spot." 

She turned and started walking, leaving Ed to trot to keep up with her. "Uh, what exactly are we looking for?" 

"Well, we don't want to be too close to someone else, because that'll make it harder for all of us to earn tips," Noah said, flicking her eyes around as they walked. "We need somewhere busy, but with enough space that we wouldn't be in the way."

Ed kept turning his head all around, trying to somehow absorb the brand new city while also keeping a lookout for the sort of corner Noah was looking for. He had no idea if he would be able to spot it with the brand new city, brand new world, brand new everything, but he wanted to at least try. 

As they walked, he caught sight of a man who spat in the direction of Ed's feet. There was a word to accompany it, but it was unfamiliar and Ed was sure it had to mean something rude, judging by the way the man yelled it. He frowned and leaned towards Noah as they walked. 

"What's that mean?" he hissed at her. 

"It's their word for Roma. So I suppose, to him, it means the same thing as 'rotten dirty thieves,'" Noah said with a long sigh. She then frowned and looked over at Ed. "I'm sorry. I should have warned you that wearing Roma clothes means being treated like... Roma." 

Ed frowned. Different world, same old shit. 

They kept walking, with Noah seeming to be more intent on putting space between them and the man than finding a place to play. Ed watched Noah as they walked, took note of the way her lips pressed together and how she threw her shoulders back. It was such a familiar move that he wondered if she had picked it up from his double at some point. When the world doesn't want anything to do with you, just pick yourself up, give the world the finger, and keep going anyway. Sometimes it was the only thing that could be done.

He was so focused on the thought that he didn't notice the potential for disaster until he was literally bumping into her. He managed to only stumble back a step, but she fell to the ground with a yelp. A yelp so familiar that Ed froze in place. 

On the ground in front of him was a very familiar blond, her hair cut shorter than he was used to, but still unmistakably familiar. Ed sucked in a breath and glanced over at Noah, who seemed just as frozen as him. 

"L-Let me help you," Ed stammered, holding a hand out to Winry. Or, Winry's double, he reminded himself. 

It suddenly struck him how absolutely heartbreaking it would be to live in a world with echoes of familiar faces. Funny, considering that he had been talking exclusively to the doubles of people he'd known ever since he'd shown up. But, well, he had never been particularly close with Rosé, so getting along with Noah was easy enough. Al was admittedly a little more heartbreaking, but at least he knew Ed was from another world, and at least they knew each other. At least he'd never needed to pretend to be strangers with Al. 

Which was what he was suddenly going to have to do with Winry's double. 

"Thank yo—" she started, taking his hand and climbing to her feet. But once she was standing, she froze and frowned at him. It was the same expression Ed was used to seeing when she was trying to solve a problem. "Don't I know you?" 

Ed felt his heart pause for a second. But that was impossible! She couldn't just have some sort of weird feeling about knowing him just because her double knew him, right? Then again, he would have normally said that abilities like Noah's were also impossible, and yet in this world—

"Wait, I know!" Winry said, snapping her fingers. Ed winced as he had to remind himself not Winry. "You're the weird man from the other day! You were talking gibberish, and then you..."

She trailed off, touching a couple of fingers to her mouth with a frown. Ed felt a blush creep up his neck. 

"S-Sorry," he stammered, reaching a hand up to rub at his neck. "I swear, I'm not normally the type of guy who goes around talking gibberish and kissing random women in the street." 

She frowned and crossed her arms. "Then why exactly did you do it that time?" 

"Uh..." Ed frowned and blinked. "I... Heart attack. I thought... I thought you were my wife."

"Wait, really?" she said, her arms dropping as she looked over Ed's shoulder. "Wow. You must have really been out of it to mistake us for one another. Hi, I'm Winnie." 

Ed blinked and turned in the direction Winnie's hand was facing, only to find himself looking in the face of a petrified Noah. He suddenly realized how it must look to her, him talking to the double of the woman he'd married while wearing the face of the man she loved. And his heart dropped down to his feet. Here his double had specifically thanked him for taking care of Noah, and then he was doing the total opposite. He reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her to his side. 

"This is Noah," he said with a grin. Noah shook Winnie's hand, but shot him a confused frown as she did. "And I'm Edward." 

"And you're okay now?" Winnie said, turning to shake his hand as well. Ed gave her a weak chuckle and a shrug. 

"More or less." 

She pressed her lips together in that tight line that he knew always meant Winry didn't entirely believe him. It was odd to be able to read someone who was a stranger so completely and thoroughly. Well, technically the Al in this world was a stranger too, wasn't he? He somehow didn't feel like a stranger. 

"Well," Winnie said with a sigh as she looked him over. "Try not to keep having heart attacks that make you kiss strange women. I'm sure your wife doesn't need the worry." 

Ed's mind flicked to the thought of Winry and how much she would have been fussing over him after a heart attack if she were there. Was his double getting all her fretting energy instead? 

"Yeah, I make her worry enough without doing more," Ed muttered with a wry smirk. Winnie chuckled and turned to look at Noah. 

"Sounds like you've got a handful of a husband. You're a stronger woman than me." She then straightened and brushed at her clothes. "Well, I have to get going, so I'll let you two get back to what you were doing, but it was nice to... Well, nice to know you aren't a creep, honestly." 

Ed couldn't help but let out a bark of a laugh at that, and then goodbyes were passed around, and then she was gone. Which left him and Noah to go back to the search for a spot to perform like before. Except Ed could tell that Noah was clearly distracted from the task, mostly focusing on staring at the ground in front of her instead of looking around like she had been doing before. 

"My memories weren't that bad while I was holding your hand, were they?" 

"What?" Noah snapped her head up. "No, you were mostly thinking of Winry. I'm used to that. They aren't bad or anything. You just have... Different memories, that's all."

Ed raised an eyebrow at her. "So then what're you thinking so hard about?" 

There was a long moment of silence as Noah stared at the ground and walked. He was just about to figure that she didn't want to answer him when she finally spoke up. 

"Ed, do you believe in soulmates?"

Ed frowned and kicked at a pebble on the ground. "What, like... Two people destined to be together, until the universe finds a way to pull them together or something? Nah."

"But you're married! Don't you believe in true love?"

"Of course," he said, his frown deepening. "But soulmates and true love aren't the same things. Soulmates are like... destiny. True love is work. The whole concept of soulmates is ridiculous."

"What?" Noah stopped walking then, looking at him like he had just revealed some sort of dark secret about himself. He sighed and paused.

"Okay, look, the entire concept of soulmates is flawed," Ed said, jamming his hands in his pockets as he turned to face her. "'Mates,' it sounds like... I dunno, like you're matching socks. Like there's some other person in the world who's exactly like you, like somehow you're incomplete and... worthless without them, and then... I guess you are worthwhile when you're with them? It doesn't make sense."

"That's not what—"

"Okay, well, there's the other analogies people like to use for soulmates. Like puzzle pieces. Still kind of useless unless they're together. Still something where it's expected that you'll just... Already be perfect for one another and all you have to do is find each other, and that's not what love is. Love is more like... Like a cast-iron skillet."

Noah blinked at him, her voice flat. "What."

"Like a cast iron skillet," Ed said, nodding as he repeated himself. "Like, you have to put a certain amount of care into them. You've got to season them properly and you can't wash them the same way as the other dishes. But after years and years of using a cast-iron skillet, it starts building up this special flavor and it's like... magic. There'll be no other pan in the world that can cook food like that one, no other pan so perfectly catered to you, and it's all because of the work and care you put into it."

"So... you're saying people should try and change someone to fit them perfectly?" Noah said, raising an eyebrow at Ed.

"No," he groaned. "The other person isn't the skillet, the relationship is the skillet. You're both people using the pan!"

"At the... same time? I don't understand. How is this related to soulmates?"

"I'm just saying." Ed sighed and pinched at the bridge of his nose. "Love isn't something that just... exists out there and it's just a matter of going through every single person possible until you find someone you love. It's... Something you make. It's work."

"So you don't think Winry is your soulmate?"

"I don't know if I would say she isn't my soulmate," he said, licking his lips, and Noah winced.

Suddenly it made sense to Ed why she was asking about soulmates and true love. She was still thinking about the encounter with Winnie, worrying that he would just immediately run off with her. Or maybe even worrying about his double, off spending time with Winry in another world. Or maybe she was just scared that because he had married Winry, that meant she was the only person in the world any Ed would ever love.

"I just mean that I have a different definition of soulmate than everyone else," he said, running his hand through his bangs with a sigh. "I don't think there was some grand plan or destiny leading Winry and me together, and I don't think she's the only person I could ever love."

"Well, how would you define a soulmate then?"

"A soulmate is..." Ed frowned and thought for a minute. "A soulmate is... Home." 

"...think about what I've felt like the times you've called me.  And then compare that to your memories of me, and see if they feel different." 

Al couldn't stop thinking about Ed's words, playing them over and over through his mind on repeat even as the caravan set out into the desert. He hated feeling obsessive like that, thinking so much over just a couple of sentences Ed had said in passing. But he still couldn't shake off the feeling that something was... wrong. Of course something was wrong, his brother had a heart attack. Things certainly weren't right. But something was wrong in a different way. Ed sounded frantic, worried in a way Al hadn't seen in years. He couldn't just pretend he didn't notice that. 

Also, his accent had gotten weird ever since the heart attack, but apparently, no one was talking about that. Al wasn't sure why exactly a heart attack would make someone talk differently. Or at least, not in that way. He would have understood if Ed had started slurring his words together more, or if he had trouble shaping his mouth properly. He knew that sort of thing could happen with heart attacks. But it was almost entirely the opposite. It was like Ed's words had gotten more clipped, leaning more towards guttural sounds in the back of his throat than Al was used to. 

"...compare that to your memories of me..."

Al shook his head. He was letting everything get to him too much. It was because he was worried and running on hardly any sleep and excessive amounts of adrenaline. He was doing that "Al thing" Ed always criticized him for and he was reading way too much into insignificant details. Everything was fine. Winry had practically told him as much and basically twisted his arm into saying that he would trust her to have it under control, and she was right. She was right. She was the one who was Ed's wife, after all. She spent every single day with him, so if she said he was fine, then it had to be fine. And she had more medical knowledge than Al, so the smart thing to do would just be to trust her, of course. 

But Al still couldn't shake Ed's words out of his head. 

"Are you okay?" 

Al got jerked out of his thoughts by the gentle hand pressed against his arm. When he glanced over to his side, Mei was looking at him with a worried frown. He did his best to give her a smile back, but he knew it was weak. It didn't matter, since she wouldn't believe him no matter how much he smiled, anyway. 

"I'm..." He started and trailed off. Not fine. But not different from how he was feeling just a few hours ago, either. "I'm just worried. But I'm okay." 

"I'm sure Winry's taking good care of him," Mei said, giving him a soft smile of her own and leaning over to kiss his cheek. 

"I know, I know. It's just... He said all these weird things. It's not like him."

Mei hummed, pressing her lips together in a line. Al always found himself appreciating her in moments like this, where she wouldn't brush it off or say he was wrong or making a big deal out of nothing. She always just trusted his judgment whenever she knew that he knew more about something than she did. 

"Why don't you take the first resting shift and take some time to meditate?" she said with a nod towards the cart. "Maybe some quiet will help you figure it out." 

Al smiled at her, his shoulders relaxing. This was exactly why he loved being around her. She not only understood his problems, but she also always had sensible ideas on how he could deal with things. He leaned forward and kissed her nose. 

"That's a great idea, Mei, thank you." 

So Al ended up excusing himself from the people who were walking and riding, crawling into the back of the wagon he and Mei were going to share for the journey. There were definitely benefits to getting together with a princess, since the entire cart was covered in soft pillows and blankets made with colorful fabrics. Al swore he was just going to meditate so he could actually keep his brain conscious and thinking, but with the comfortable pillows and gentle swaying of the wagon, he still ended up asleep within minutes, unable to resist. 

When he dreamed, he dreamed in that hazy way where he knew it was a dream, and yet he was still stuck as a helpless observer. He was wearing clothes he couldn't entirely recognize and talking with a dark-skinned girl who seemed familiar somehow, but he still couldn't quite place her. And then he realized that Ed was there, but he looked... different than usual, somehow. He had an automail arm spread out on the table in front of him, his white button-up shirt pushed up to his elbows. Something about him looked different, but Al couldn't quite place why. He was just... Ed. 

And yet Al still felt uneasy, like something was ever so slightly off. 

But then Ed said something with a laugh, his bangs flying around his face as he turned his head and caught Al's eye. And when Al caught his eye, he was suddenly reassured. This was his brother. Those were the exact same eyes he had always known. He could practically feel everything that tied the two of them together just by his eyes. 

Al woke up with a gasp, sitting up with a tangle of blankets clinging to him. 

It was such a simple dream, and yet something about it unnerved him. He couldn't place why, though, and that maybe unnerved him even more. It was just... so ordinary, sitting and talking with Ed like that. It was so ordinary that it felt weird that it was a dream in the first place. And yet something about it left something unsettled in Al, like there was something he was missing. 

"...think about what I've felt like the times you've called me. And then compare that to your memories of me, and see if they feel different." 

Al took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he remembered what Ed had told him before. It wasn't as if he had any other leads, as if he knew what exactly was leaving him feeling so nervous and worried. Maybe Ed's suggestion would actually help, somehow. So he did his best to tap into the part of him that knew things rather than felt them, thinking back to the times he had called Ed in the past two days. 

First there had been the time he had called Ed to tell him the news. That memory was pretty much just familiar, even though Al could pick up all kinds of undercurrents of emotions. He wished he could say that he had been unaware of all those feelings underneath the surface when the call had happened in the first place, but of course he'd been aware. He just hadn't wanted to give any attention to all those other feelings because he had wanted so badly to stay in his happy little bubble. The realization of that made Al cringe. If he'd been willing to stay on the call a little bit longer, if he'd insisted on talking things out with Ed until the tension had eased, would he have avoided Ed having a heart attack? The guilt tore at Al, so he tried his best to brush it off and move on to the next memory. 

He remembered feeling like he had only just managed to pull away from the celebrations and collapse in bed when he had someone waking him up and saying he had a phone call. And then it had felt like the floor had dropped out from underneath him when he found out it was none other than Winry and his brother calling him. 

He replayed the memory in his own mind, remembering the feel of the phone gripped until his knuckles were white, and as he thought back over it, he tried to tap into the feeling of Ed within the memory. It was difficult, doing it from a memory, not to mention a memory where he had only Ed's voice as any sort of input. He desperately wished that there was any other information to go on. Even just a visual cue here or there would help Al so much, especially since he was nowhere near as practiced as tapping into this sort of thing as Mei. 

But even with the limitations, Al could tell that something was... off. He couldn't say exactly why, but he knew something was wrong, somehow. Something about Ed didn't feel quite like... Ed. Well, no, that wasn't exactly right. He still felt like Ed, of course he did. But Al couldn't quite sense the same tension of connection between the two of them that he had felt in the dream. He frowned and thought deeper on the memory, trying to focus even more on Ed. Maybe it was just his worry coloring the memory. Maybe he was misinterpreting things. 

"Al, I think I'm from a parallel universe." 

He frowned at the memory of Ed's words. No, that had just been Ed being weird because he'd just had a serious medical emergency. He did that, just talking gibberish when he was stressed and forgetting he was leaving people out on half the conversation that was happening inside his own mind. There was just more to it that Al hadn't heard yet, but once they actually showed up, Ed would get a chance to explain and things would actually make sense. 

But still, a parallel universe...

A thought suddenly occurred to Al, and he slowly switched his thoughts over from playing over the memory of the terrifying phone call and instead switched to the dream he'd had just a little bit earlier. He focused his thoughts on the Ed in the dream, remembering how his eyes had sparkled and he'd felt that brief moment of connection between the two of them. 

When he focused on that memory, it wasn't Ed who suddenly felt out of place and weird, but everything else. Somehow it felt like the entire room, world around them was wrong somehow. Even he himself somehow felt off. But when he focused on Ed, something about Ed felt... right. Al frowned and thought back to the phone call with Ed again, putting the two memories side by side and comparing their energy in his mind. 

The two memories were almost like perfect opposites of one another. In one, Ed felt weird while everything around him felt normal and right, and in the other, Ed had this very normal, very right energy hanging off him, but something about everything else felt like it was somehow out of sync with Ed. 

Like a yin yang. Two halves of the same whole. 

Al gasped, his eyes suddenly flying open as the thought occurred to him. The two memories had the same energy as a yin yang, a spot of one color in a field of another, like two pieces that were ever so slightly out of alignment from where they needed to be, and yet not out of alignment at all because they were whole and complete with one another in themselves. 

Al went racing out of the wagon and went over to Mei, his heart pounding. 

'We need to get there faster," he said, gasping for breath as he grabbed her shoulder. She looked over at him with wide eyes. "Something is wrong with my brother." 

"I know you're worried," she said with a frown. "But we can't exactly make the caravan go faster just... Because you want it to. It's already amazing we're going this fast, thanks to Ling deciding to tag along." 

"Please, just..." Al closed his eyes and tried to take in a deep breath. "Try and see if you can focus on Ed's energy and pick up if anything is wrong." 

"I'm not the one who was bound to him in the Gate," Mei said, reaching out and touching Al's shoulder. "You're probably the best one for sensing his energy at this kind of distance. What did you pick up?" 

"I don't..." Al frowned. "I don't know if... He might not just be talking weird because he had a heart attack. He might... He might actually be..." 

He looked away from Mei, his frown getting even deeper as he looked at the sand. He somehow couldn't bring himself to even say what he was thinking. Maybe, just maybe, this Ed actually was from another world. But what did that mean for his brother? Was the last conversation he'd ever had with his brother been that awkward phone call admitting he wasn't going to move back to Resembool?

Al had gotten so scared when he'd heard Ed had a heart attack. Even though they had been through so much danger together, he had always figured that was past them now. And getting the news that Ed had a heart attack was like getting a violent wake-up call that you could still lose him. Losing someone didn't have to mean violence. After all, it wasn't like their mother had been running around the country as a state alchemist. 

But he had never considered in all his worry of realizing he could lose Ed that maybe he already had. What if this Ed he had talked to really was from another world? What if his brother would never be able to get home?

"Is Ed okay?"

The sudden voice behind him nearly made Al jump out of his skin. When he turned around, there was Ling with a concerned frown on his face, Lan Fan hovering at his shoulder (as always). Ling was theoretically supposed to be hanging around the entire group of guards that had been brought along for him, preferably in the wagon, since no one really expected the emperor to be walking through the desert like anyone else. Ling, however, seemed absolutely determined to slip away at any chance he got. 

"Shouldn't you be in your—"

"Is. Ed. Okay?"

"I don't know!" Al snapped, running a hand through his hair. "Winry said over and over how he was fine, but... Something is... off. I don't know. It's like he's... He's not..." 

Ling's frown only tightened slightly, but Al knew that he was dead serious. There was something about Ling in an emergency where he stopped just being their goofball friend Ling and suddenly had the air of emperor. When he spoke, it was measured and even.

"Take my camel. You can make it there faster if you run without the caravan." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Of course. We'll meet you there." Ling almost sounded like his usual cheery self again, but his smile still had a grim touch to it. "He needs you."

Al was polite, but not so polite to ask if Ling was sure more than once. He knew better than to look a gift camel in the mouth. Especially the emperor's personal camel, which was sure to be the fastest in the caravan.

All the better. Al needed to see his brother. 

Now.

Being able to play guitar when he had never played guitar before was an odd experience, to say the least. Talking was beginning to come more and more easily to him as Ed practiced how to tap into the part of his brain that actually knew German. But the guitar was an entirely different problem, because he had to make sure to somehow keep a laser focus, even though he kept being distracted by the songs, the sound of the guitar, and wondering when his double had gotten the time to practice the guitar. When Ed thought far back in his memories, he could vaguely remember his mom had once kept a guitar in the closet, and perhaps that was where his double learned the skill. But how had he kept up with his practicing while doing the whole state alchemist thing? Surely he hadn't been able to—

His fingers slipped against the strings as he thought, and Ed shook his head and tried to clear his mind of the thoughts. He had to focus. Somehow. 

Noah was absolutely wonderful accompaniment, dancing to the music with a handkerchief spread on the ground beside her. Something about the way she danced was so genuine and full of life that he wondered how so many people could pass by without paying attention to her. There was the occasional coin tossed their way, and an odd smile here and there. But there were also the people who would pause to scowl or mutter under their breath, and Ed hated that they made a chill run up his spine. 

The city was beautiful and peaceful on the surface, but it was as if there was an invisible current of tension running underneath everything and threatening to snap any second. 

According to Noah, they managed to do decently enough for a day that had a late start, but she still wanted to get home and get dinner cooking before Al got off work. And considering that Ed still hadn't had lunch, he was more than inclined to agree with the plan. He didn't like that it seemed to take him longer to get hungry and less food to get full in his double's body. As far as he knew, they theoretically had pretty similar bodies, aside from the automail and differing old wounds. Really, with the extra automail limb still attached, Ed would have expected to be hungry more often, not less. Which made him a little suspicious that perhaps his double wasn't actually getting as much nutrition as he needed. What worried him even more was that it didn't even seem like just a self-sacrifice thing, because Al and Noah seemed to have similarly skinny frames coupled with lacking appetites. It seemed like everyone was malnourished, and Ed wasn't entirely sure what to do about it. 

Then again, it wasn't as if anyone expected him to do anything about it. They just expected him to find a way to get home and send their Ed back to them. This wasn't his world. These weren't his problems.

Noah ended up opting for a potato soup for dinner, which Ed was beginning to suspect was a pattern. When he thought about it, he wasn't sure that he'd had a meal yet in that world that didn't have some form of potatoes involved. Still, he wasn't one to complain as long as he got any food at all, so he settled down at the table, messed with the automail, and chatted with Noah while she cooked. There was something almost... comforting and familiar to the routine, like it was just another night working on an order that was running behind. Minus the two whirlwinds of chaos running under tables and around chairs, of course. 

Better not to think about it. The more he thought about Teddy and Zaza, the more he would get paralyzed with grief. The best thing he could do would be to put all his energy into actually figuring out a way to get home. Keep moving forward. Although... 

Ed glanced down at the automail as he thought. He was hardly doing anything to actually try and figure out a way home. He was mostly just working on something that would theoretically make the other guy's life better. Al had suspected that maybe the two of them would naturally switch back after a certain amount of time, but he'd now been there a couple of days and they hadn't switched back. Perhaps it was time to start making more intentional plans. But what was he supposed to do as a non-alchemist in a country with no alchemy? 

Somehow, he had managed to become even more common, something he hadn't even thought was possible after he lost his alchemy. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of the key in the front door, and then a loud slam. Or at least, a slam as far as Al was concerned. As in, closing the door loudly enough that other people could hear the door being closed. Which meant something with Al was very, very wrong. Ed frowned and got up from the table to go over to the coat rack near the front door. 

Al's face was practically purple as he hung up his coat, muttering under his breath the entire time. Ed frowned and reached out to put his left hand on Al's shoulder, making the younger Elric jump nearly a foot in the air with a stricken expression on his face. 

"What's wrong, Al?" 

The two of them stared at each other for a long minute, and Ed saw so many expressions flit across Al's face that he was tempted to remind him that Elric telepathy still existed no matter what world and which Elrics were involved. Even if Ed didn't know why exactly Al had gotten upset, he could tell exactly all the feelings that were associated with it. 

First there was surprise, maybe because he hadn't thought another Ed would notice his mood, or maybe because his double tended to give Al more space. Then there was a look of Al clearly thinking he couldn't talk about whatever was on his mind, but then a following realization that he wouldn't be able to pull off a lie. Then there was some sort of loneliness, probably missing his brother who would understand the whole thing way better. And then something in Al broke, and the tears started sliding down his cheeks even as he looked at Ed. 

"Hey, hey," Ed whispered with a frown. He closed the space between them in a couple of steps and pulled Al against him in a tight hug. "What's going on?" 

He could feel Al's fingers curl into fists in the fabric of his shirt and a long, quiet moment passed before a response was finally mumbled. 

"They're going to start making weapons at the factory." 

Chapter Text

"Hang on, I'm having a hard time keeping up. Al was... turned into a philosopher's stone?"

Ed nodded and took a sip of tea as Mustang frowned and tried to go over this new information. Admittedly, part of the motivation for having more tea was so he could hide his smirk behind the teacup, but still. It was kind of satisfying to see Mustang being the one scrambling to keep up for once.

"Wait," Mustang sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Was this before or after you went AWOL?"

"I went AWOL because of it," Ed said, sure that he was failing to keep the smirk from his face. "And then I turned everyone into balloons when you tried to catch me. Do try to keep up, Colonel."

"I'm sorry, Fullmetal, it's not exactly my fault your timeline was so weird. It's impossible to keep track."

"You don't get to throw insults at my timeline when the culmination of this timeline was your guy punching god in the face."

"That's a rather loose interpretation of 'god,' but sure," Mustang said with a sigh and shrug before taking a sip of his coffee. Ed was almost jealous for a minute that Mustang had coffee, before he remembered it was Amestrian coffee. At least Mustang's cup was caffeinated, though.

"That's the other thing though," Ed said, trying to take his mind off coffee by instead waving a pencil at Mustang. "What is the exact stance on all this god stuff, anyway? This guy who's in the Gate, is he...?"

"It's not a guy," Mustang sighed. "It's... You, but with all the knowledge of the universe. Or. Something."

"You?"

Mustang shrugged before downing the last of his coffee. "That's what it said."

"And this thing is, like... integral to the Gate? That was what Bigfoot made it sound like, anyway." Ed frowned and scribbled at the pad of paper on his lap as he talked. At one point, he'd kept losing track of what was supposed to happen when, and he'd needed notes in order to keep track. Leave it to Mustang to figure out a way to turn questions about the gate into hours of comparing the differences between the two timelines.

"Bigfoot?" Mustang spluttered. He looked torn between dying of laughter and being horrified.

"Yeah, the other—" Ed coughed and rubbed the back of his neck. "You know, the other... me. He said that I couldn't have paid a toll or something if I hadn't met this Truth guy. Like, even if I didn't think I met him, I must have met him."

Mustang frowned and tilted his head from side to side as if he were considering the idea. "I'm inclined to agree. How can you pay a toll without the tollbooth operator there?"

"That's ridiculous, that's not how it—" Ed frowned. "Though I suppose... If this Truth is the one charging the toll in the first place, but he's some sort of being, then it makes sense why Bigfoot was able to negotiate a price. If there's someone—or something, whatever—there, then you can... I dunno, persuade him."

"Please stop calling him that."

Ed grinned for a second, but then his face slid into a more serious frown. "By the way, while we're talking about tolls and prices, can I ask..."

"Sir."

Both of them snapped out of the conversation to see Hawkeye standing at the archway to the living room. She had gone off at some point during all the alchemy talk, Ed had assumed to wherever Winry and the kids had run off to, because he had been able to hear distant chattering. She was now looking at Mustang with some expression Ed didn't recognize.

"Sir, the embassy is expecting us."

"Ah, right." Mustang sighed and put his hands on his knees before pushing himself out of his chair.

That darn Mustang-Hawkeye telepathy. Ed had no idea what exactly was so important about the embassy, but apparently her words meant more to Mustang than they did to him. Hawkeye noticed him looking at her and raised an eyebrow. "And I would recommend that you go spend some time with your wife and children."

"They're not my—" Ed started, but cut himself off when he saw the look Hawkeye was giving him. He swallowed and nodded. "Yes, Ma'am."

"Why don't you cook some dinner? I think everyone's hungry," she said, her face morphing into a soft smile. It was like she was... worried. Ed was beginning to get tired of everyone looking at him like that. It was one thing for them all to worry and pity him over the heart attack, which he was sure wasn't even the main problem. But worry and pity over the fact that he was in the wrong world? No, thank you.

"Sure, sure, dinner," he said with a frown and wave of his hand. "So are we picking this up again tomorrow?"

Hawkeye and Mustang exchanged a long glance. She frowned at him and did the tiniest shake of her head. He gave her a shrug, the expression on his face somehow managing to look like a whine. She then raised her eyebrows, to which he immediately sighed and held his hands up.

"I can't. I have paperwork," Mustang said in a defeated tone as he turned back to Ed. "And meetings. Lots of meetings."

Ed smirked as Mustang pulled on his coat. "Yeah, have fun with that. I'll be here, having absolutely no meetings and no paperwork."

"You're a spiteful little jerk," Mustang muttered with a shake of his head. He paused at the front door and turned back to look at Ed. "And please don't use sleazy salesman tactics on Truth. You've lost enough limbs for one life."

Ed bit back the urge to ask Mustang if it really counted as one life when he had already died... What, three times now? Maybe four? He was beginning to lose count. Somehow, he had the feeling that particular argument wouldn't actually help his case at all. He also had the feeling that if Winry overheard that particular detail, she would probably flip her lid. Probably better if the people in the world didn't know just how many times he'd died.

He also bit back a quip about how he happened to have a whole extra limb compared to what he normally was dealing with. There were just too many gallows humor jokes that never quite seemed to land the way he wanted them to.

Once Mustang and Hawkeye had gone on their way, Ed went off to the kitchen to start on that dinner. He was pretty sure there would be eggs here, even if he had never managed to get them back in Germany.

There was something comforting to cooking that Ed had never been fully able to explain. In some ways, it reminded him of his mom, how she had always been making something else delicious and comforting. In other ways, it made him feel like the alchemy had never entirely left him, even in a world where the alchemy he had always known never existed.

Neither of those rules applied now, back in a world with alchemy and making food his mom had never made. But somehow, the act was still comforting. There were so many things in this world he didn't understand, so many things he wasn't sure how he was going to pull off, but he could at least make food. He could at least take care of his double's family.

He was just starting to pour potato mix in the pan when there was a sudden tiny weight at his leg.

"Daddy! What are you cooking?"

"Dinner," Ed grunted without looking up from his task.

"Oh," came a second voice, and that time, Ed looked up. Winry was watching him cook with a slightly stunned expression. "I thought... I was going to..."

"Relax, Win, I got this," he said, flashing her a grin. "I'm not completely helpless."

She paused, staring at him for a long minute before she relaxed her shoulders. "Okay. Thank you." 

"Daaad, I'm huuugry!" Teddy whined, pulling at Ed's pant leg and drawing his words out as far as his little baby lungs could manage. Of course he could hold that much air in his lungs, Ed noted with a sigh. The equivalent exchange for being a really obnoxious kid was having obnoxious kids, after all. Maybe he could somehow cheat his way out of that one like he had with all the other equivalence in his life. After all, if he just never had kids, they could never be as wild and loud as he had been.

"I said, I'm huuuuuungry!" 

"Hi, hungry, I'm dad," Ed muttered, the words coming to his lips without thinking. He froze as soon as he realized what he'd said and looked up at the wall over the stove with a dead-eyed expression. Dear god, what had he become?

"Come on Teddy, let's let your dad cook," Winry said with a laugh as she put her hands on Teddy's shoulders and tried to push him out of the kitchen. 

"But I want to know what he's making!" Teddy whined, stomping his foot. 

„Kartoffelpuffer," Ed said with a laugh, then paused. "I mean... Potato pancakes." 

"Pancakes?" Teddy repeated, spinning away from Winry to stare at Ed with wide eyes. "For dinner?"

"Not... Not the kind of pancakes you're thinking of, kiddo," Ed said with a frown. He could already picture what he would have expected as a kid if an adult had told him they were having pancakes for dinner and he had been presented with potato pancakes instead. He didn't particularly want to deal with that tantrum if he could help it. 

Winry was looking at him with a frown and her head tilted to one side, as if she too was trying to figure out this strange dish of not-pancake-pancakes.

Despite the confusion and Ed's initial worry over potential tantrums, the potato pancakes actually managed to go over well. Teddy even managed to be so excited that he asked for a "pile" of pancakes and said he could spread the sour cream on himself. Ed, however, had learned his lesson from the first round of pancakes with Teddy. So he instead opted to give the child one pancake, which Ed spread the sour cream on. 

Zaza, of course, demanded that her pancakes be cut into triangles, because pancakes were pancakes and their only acceptable shape was triangles. 

But through the family happily eating, Ed couldn't help but have his mind keep flicking back to everything he had been talking about with Mustang. If he was going to try and get them to switch back, then that meant he would need to open the Gate again. Which circle would be the best choice for that, anyway? He didn't exactly want to use the one Eckhart had used, since that had created a physical entrance to the Gate, which was beyond dangerous. It had taken him and Al long enough to break that particular door down, and he wasn't keen on doing it a second time. 

And besides, it wasn't as if they had to physically change worlds, they just had to find a way to make their souls snap back to where they were supposed to be. Perhaps he could use the same circle he had used when bringing Al back? No, but that was connected to physicality too. He found himself wondering what circle his double had used in this world when he had traded his alchemy for Al. It seemed to have managed the exact purpose Ed was going for, namely, getting to the Gate spiritually. He found himself wondering if the two systems of alchemy had differences to them. After all, Bigfoot had been very insistent on the idea of this supposed Gatekeeper, who Ed had never met. If there was that difference between the alchemy in their worlds already, then were there other differences as well?

So as soon as dinner was done, Ed found himself pulling away to see what alchemy books could be found in the rest of the house. He could see the lonely look in Winry's eyes as he did it, but he told himself that it would be find, that he just had to focus on getting her real husband back as quickly as possible so she could stop missing him. 

It felt like Ed had only just barely settled in to start looking over an alchemy book when Teddy was bouncing into the room with a curious expression on his face. 

"Are you studying alchemy, Daddy?" 

Ed's mind flicked back to dusty memories of being tiny and watching his dad hunch over alchemical texts in his study. He could still remember how it had filled him with awe, how he had wanted nothing more than to be included in the magical process. And he could also still remember how he had been shooed out and told to keep quiet before the door had gotten closed. Ed frowned and let his book rest in his lap. 

"Yeah, buddy, I am. Wanna join me?"

"Yeah!" Teddy ended up being hoisted into Ed's lap, peering curiously at the circle drawn in the book. "I don't know that one."

"Yeah, it's kind of complicated huh?" Ed said with a laugh, and the reached over to grab a pad of paper and a pen. So much for studying for himself. Apparently his determination not to let his double's kid have the same experience as him meant that it was now apparently alchemy lesson time. He presented the paper and pen to Teddy. "Why don't you show me the circles you know?" 

"Okay!" Teddy grabbed the tool and excitedly drew a lopsided circle on the paper before frowning at it. "I'm not very good at circles."

"That's okay, you'll get better with practice," Ed said with a grin as he ruffled the child's hair. "For the record, you don't need a perfect circle for alchemy to work. It just gets easier to make the energy flow the way you want."

It was kind of a no-win situation for anyone who was a beginner alchemist, really. Having a more precise circle meant you did't have to focus as much effort on manually directing the energy the right way, which beginners desperately needed. But drawing more precise circles was that much harder for people who hadn't had years of practice. Ed had seen some people claim that they would never be able to be an alchemist just because they were convinced they would never be able to draw a perfect circle. It was something that made most beginners feel like they were that much worse at alchemy than they were. Ed could still remember when he had used a compass as a kid to try and make his circles work better, because he had been that determined to learn no matter what it took. Plenty of other kids didn't have that same determination and simply... gave up. 

"I can help in the meantime, if you'd like," Ed said as he gently tugged the pen out of Teddy's death grip. "That should make it easier for you to do alchemy. But you've gotta keep practicing your circles, alright?" 

"Yeah!" Teddy cheered, grinning as Ed made several circles on the page for him. He then grabbed the pen back and attacked the circles with gusto, filling in details and symbols as he explained the process to his dad. Ed couldn't help but feel a warm, full feeling in his chest as he watched Teddy walk him through every step of alchemy. The kid was smart. Really smart. Which just reminded Ed of another particular blond child prodigy. 

He couldn't understand why his dad would have ever pushed him away when he had been studying alchemy. Ed couldn't think of a better feeling than sitting there watching his kid show off every bit of alchemy he had ever learned. 

Wait, no. Ed frowned to himself. Not his kid.

"You boys having fun in here?" 

There was a soft voice at the door to the study, and when Ed looked up, Winry was standing there with a sleepy Zaza in her arms. Teddy nodded with a wide grin and bounded over to her, holding his circle covered paper high in the air for her to see. 

"Me and Daddy are practicing our circles!"

"Wow, that's very nice," Winry said with a grin. "But, you know, it's past your bedtime, mister. How about we put down the circles until tomorrow?" 

"Aww!" Teddy immediately pouted, his arms slouching so the paper was no longer high in the air. He turned to look at Ed, as if that would somehow save him from the heinous fate. Ed nearly laughed aloud. It was way too reminiscent of when he was a little kid. 

"Nah, your mom is right, buddy. Time for bed." 

"I don't wanna!" 

"I'll tell you a secret," Ed said as he picked Teddy up. The two of them leaned their heads close together as was expected for a secret. "When I was your age, I used to try and name as many elements as I could while I was falling asleep. It's good practice." 

"Will that make me better at alchemy?" 

"Oh, yeah, definitely."

"Kistokai, the both of you," Winry said with a sigh, but she was smiling. "You're going to be as much of a troublemaker as your daddy, huh, Teddy?" 

"Even bigger!" Teddy said with a laugh, throwing his arms out to either side as Winry and Ed laughed. 

Something about the entire experience was just so... normal. There was something comforting to it, something that made Ed feel that if it was actually his own world. He could easily sink into the feeling and just try to forget that anything else had ever been his reality. The Elric-Rockbell house was so far away from the concept of philosopher's stones and wars and dimension-hopping that it almost seemed easy to dismiss all of that as a bad dream. 

Then again, it wasn't as if those things stopped existing just because it was comfortable. It wasn't like Al wouldn't be facing all of those things down by himself back in Germany. He had to find a way to bring back the Ed who actually belonged here, who actually was Teddy's father. This wasn't his world. This wasn't a comfortable rest he had earned for himself.

Teddy was fairly easy to put to bed for the night after that, and Zaza had pretty much already fallen asleep on Winry's shoulder, so she only had to be transferred to her bed. Before Ed knew it, he found himself back in that same bedroom again, facing yet another night of sharing a bed with someone else's wife. He really needed to find a way to switch back soon. 

"You were really sweet with Teddy tonight," Winry murmured as Ed buttoned up his pajama shirt. He looked up at her, blinking. "It was really sweet of you to include him in your research like that." 

"Oh yeah, of course." Ed shrugged and sat down on the bed next to her. Winry was looking at her hands in her lap, her back pressed stiffly against the headboard. "He's a good kid. You and.... ah, me, I guess? We... We make cute kids." 

Winry stared at him for a long minute, opening and closing her mouth. Ed could see the tears building in her eyes, and he was hit with a sudden wave of panic. Wait, she was upset? Had he done something? Was that not something he was supposed to say? Crap, was he being too familiar with her or something? 

Winry hid her face behind her hands with a squeak as she started sobbing. "We really do!"

"Winry... Uh, I'm sorry, Winry, should I not have mentioned him? I'm sorry." Ed blinked and reached out to put a hand on her shoulder with a frown.

"No, it's not that, it's..." Winry let out a chocked sound and rubbed at her eyes before looking over at Ed. He felt his shoulders sag as he looked at her. She looked absolutely broken. "Do you know what it's like to feel like someone is right there, but then you have to constantly remind yourself they're a stranger?" 

The words barreled through Ed like a gunshot. 

"Alphonse! Holy shit, Al! How the hell did you manage to find me—"

He didn't even have to think before he was barreling towards the familiar face, wrapping the other teen in a tight hug. Al let out a sputtered sound of surprise before turning to stare at Ed with bright blue eyes. 

Blue.

Ed didn't even need the gentle push from Al before he was stumbling back with a gasp. 

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

Ed couldn't help but stare at Winry for horrified moment before he grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug. 

"Shit, Win, I'm so sorry," he whispered against her hair. He brought another hand up to hold the back of her head, like he was trying desperately to hold the pieces of her together. No one deserved to know what that felt like, spending years with someone who seemed so familiar and yet kept you at arms length. No one deserved to build the habit of distance so strongly that they couldn't even hug their actual brother when they were reunited. 

Winry hesitated against his hug for a moment before eventually pressing her face against his neck and bringing her hands up to pull him closer against her. 

"It's not fair," she choked out into his hair. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. He's not supposed to just be gone. This new baby was supposed to be a surprise where everyone would be happy, and instead it's just another problem in the middle of the chaos. I'm not even sure if this baby will even have a dad and somehow I'm supposed to just... just be pregnant and have a baby through all of this. I just... I can't. I can't do this." 

Ed pulled away from the hug just enough to look her in the eyes. "What are you talking about? Of course the baby will have a father." 

"Yeah? And what about if you can't switch back?" Winry said, staring him in the eyes.

"Of course we'll—"

"What if you can't?" Winry repeated, squeezing his forearms. Ed frowned. "Will you just leave us because you're not the one who chose to marry me? Or what if you're so determined to get back no matter the cost and the cost ends up being you? What then?"

Ed had to admit that he had been so determined, so sure that he would find a way back that he hadn't even given the concept of a failure a passing thought. Sure, the body he was in wasn't technically his, but it was still responsible for the existence of two—no, three—children in the world. He was their father, even if only by technicality. And he had sworn to himself that he would never take the same coward route his dad had taken and run from his children. Even if it terrified him. 

And then there was Winry in front of him, her eyes filled with tears and yet trying to hard to be strong. Digging for the determination to find a way, even as she cried about how she couldn't. The sight reminded him so much of his mother. How many times had he seen her quietly crying in her bedroom when she thought they wouldn't notice? How much had it absolutely ripped her apart to not have her husband there when she needed him?

"You're right," Ed whispered, squeezing her arms back and looking down at the bedspread, his hair hanging in front of his face. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He looked up at her again, and pulled in a slow breath before he spoke. "I'll... I'll make sure I'm not reckless. I won't take any unnecessary risks. And... And if we can't figure out a way to switch back, then... Then I'll stay. You know, as long as... As long as you and Bigfoot are okay with that." 

Winry blinked at him. "Bigfoot?" 

"Oh, you know," Ed said with a shrug. "The other... Other me." 

Winry laughed and made a face. "Please don't call him that." 

"Hey, he's the one who didn't let me call him by his middle name," Ed said, letting go of her arms to hold his hands up in innocence. "I was perfectly fine going by my middle name, but he refused." 

"You're okay with going by Hohenheim?" 

"Oh, no, my middle name isn't Hohenheim," Ed said, reaching a hand up to rub the back of his neck. "It's Sylvan, actually. There's... There are sometimes these weird little... blips between parallel worlds like that. Like a name being spelled differently or something." 

"Sylvan. That's pretty. I like it," Winry said, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips as her hand drifted to press unconsciously against her belly. Ed noticed when she pressed her hand against the fabric, he could actually see the hint of a small bump, and he found himself staring. 

"Do you... Do you know how far along you are?"

"About three months," she said, her grin widening a little. "They're not kicking yet, but you can feel, if you'd like." 

Ed hesitated for a moment before reaching out and slowly sliding his fingers over her stomach. Even this early along, her stomach was tight and hard, not like how stomachs normally felt. He couldn't help but feel just as amazed as he had all those years ago when he had first met Gracia. There was a tiny life in there. A tiny life that was connected to him, of all people, whether that was terrifying or not. 

He had to somehow find a way to make sure that kid still had a decent childhood. Even if their dad had some of the worst luck in the universe. 

Hey, you.

Yeah, you. No, not some other you. I'm not talking to one of the characters or something. You. Yes. 

Should I just call you Rea-der? Would that get your attention, hm?

It seems pretty obvious why the Eds are here, but why are you here, anyway?

"It's kind of weird hearing you speak German now," Al said, pulling himself off Ed's shoulder. He had been sandwiched between Ed and Noah on the sofa as they had practically forced him to eat some dinner. That, more than anything, was part of how Ed knew how serious the whole situation was. If Al was refusing food, then he had to be beyond upset. Al only turned down food when the world was ending. 

"I mean, I know Brother always spoke German all the time," Al said with a wave of his hand. "But... It sounds different when you speak it, somehow."

"Am I saying it wrong?" 

"No, no!" Al said quickly. "Just... different."

"Oh." 

Silence settled over the three of them at that, unable to continue with the more lighthearted conversation instead of what was on all of their minds. Al had given the other two a brief explanation of what was going on—no one was really buying automobiles these days, and the factory needed some way to hit their numbers. Meanwhile, the government was convinced there was going to be another war, and weapons were looking more and more like they would be more profitable than luxury vehicles. 

Ed didn't know a lot about what was going on in that world, but he knew that if factories that didn't normally make weapons were changing their lines of production, then it couldn't be good. Weapons being prioritized never meant anything good was going to happen. 

Finally, Ed was the one to break the silence. 

"What... What's 'the great war,' anyway?" 

"I... I wasn't here when it happened," Al said with a frown, looking over to Noah. She frowned and took in a shaky breath. 

"I was a girl when it happened, but... It was horrible," she finally whispered. "Everyone kept saying how there was never another war like it. Every country in the entire world was fighting. There was nowhere safe. It was like the sky was on fire. And after the treaty... Well, people wanted someone to blame for what happened, so the losers were stuck with the bill. Germany never really recovered." 

Ed stared at her with wide eyes, trying to think of what it would be like to have a war where the entire world was fighting. Sure, Amestris had always been at war with multiple countries at once, but it wasn't the entire world. Even when things had seemed their darkest, he still had been able to wish that Granny and Winry would just flee the country's borders and go somewhere safe. What was it like to live through something where there wasn't anywhere safe to go? How did you keep going when it probably felt like the world was going to tear itself apart? 

Al looked pained at the information, but not surprised, and Ed found himself wondering if Al and Sylvan had been as horrified as he was when they had first learned about it. Or was this somehow closer to the timeline they had known and hadn't seemed like quite as much of a stretch?

"It's okay though," Noah said, reaching out and putting a hand on Ed's thigh like she was trying to reassure him. "The war is over now, and it was so horrible that everyone knows not to repeat it. The great war was a warning, but now we know never to let things get that bad again." 

"Noah," Al said with a sigh and a frown. "Brother kept saying that—"

"What we need right now is a distraction," Noah said, getting to her feet as she cut off Al's words. "How about we go to the dance hall tonight?" 

"I don't know if I feel like dancing," Al sighed. 

"Well, then, come and drink your worries away," Noah said, turning and heading off to her room. "But I feel like dancing."

"That's more Brother's way to cope than mine," Al muttered with a sigh. Ed frowned at the implication. He admittedly had a single bottle of whiskey hidden away for the nights when the nightmares wouldn't leave him alone. But he had only really gotten it because it had been suggested as a way to knock himself out so he could actually get to sleep. His alcohol tolerance was downright pathetic though, which meant he hardly ever touched the stuff. It was the last, last resort for when nothing else worked. How bad were things here if his double was using it as a regular coping mechanism? 

"Hey Al? What exactly was Sylvan saying?" Ed murmured with a frown. Al blinked. 

"Oh. You call him by his middle name?" 

"Uh, yeah," Ed said with a chuckle, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "We agreed that first names were weird." 

"You... agreed?" 

"Uh..." Ed blinked, suddenly realizing that he hadn't really explained the whole thing about meeting up at the Gate while both of them were sleeping the night before. Actually, he had been so busy mourning the fact that he hadn't gone back home that he hadn't had time to really think about the implications of the whole thing. Was that going to happen again when he fell asleep?

"We, uh... We meet in an in-between space when we sleep, I guess," Ed finally managed, and Al's eyebrows shot up. "Or, at least, we did last night. I don't know if we will tonight."

"Huh," Al said, slowly nodding. "Huh, okay. Yeah, that kind of makes sense. It's kind of like what I was experiencing with the other Al, but it must be more intense because you two actually switched places." 

Ed could still remember Al saying the other Al had died of a bullet wound, but he was almost scared to ask. He had so many questions, and it didn't seem like any of them had good answers. The concept of the great war was still rattling around in his brain and making him feel a little sick, but he couldn't help himself from wanting to know more. This was an entire world of people. Sure, a world he had never known about a week before, but a world. It wasn't like people in a world deserved to die any more just because they weren't from his world. 

But before he could press Al for more answers, Noah was coming out of her room with a coat on. It looked like she had taken the time to put on some makeup, her lips just a few shades more red than Ed remembered. 

"Come on, Al," she said, going over to Al on the sofa and pulling him to his feet. "Let's go dancing. The problems will still be here waiting when we come back." 

Al let out a long sigh. "Alright, fine, let's go dance, then." 

Ed, of course, didn't want to stay home by himself, so he ended up grabbing his coat and heading out with the other two. He wasn't sure if he would even be able to tap into his double's dancing skill, but he figured he would at least be able to enjoy watching the dancing no matter what. Noah led the way ahead of them, downright eager to get to the dance hall while Ed and Al lingered behind her, their breath puffing out in white clouds in the dark night air. 

"So," Ed said to Al, giving Noah a short glance as they walked. He was almost whispering as if it was some sort of secret, but it hadn't seemed like she had wanted anything to do with talking about the whole great war business. "What exactly was Sylvan saying about another war, anyway?" 

Al sighed, also giving a glance to Noah before continuing on in a whisper of his own. "He says another war is inevitable. He keeps saying that it's not that people learned their lesson from the last war, but that they learned they have to avoid being the loser at any cost." 

Ed pressed his lips together with a frown. He knew just how serious those words were if they were coming from another him. "Did he have any ideas on how they were planning to pull that off?" 

"There's this... weapon," Al said with a sigh. "We thought at first that maybe we'd accidentally brought it here from our world, but when we tried to track down that lead, it was nothing more than a dead end. But Brother's been pretty sure that other people are still working on it. Maybe some notes got through, or maybe there are people besides us who can see through to the other side sometimes. Who knows? But if that weapon really is being worked on... It's beyond deadly. It could destroy the world." 

Ed pushed back flashbacks of a giant eye opening with a shake of his head. "What kind of weapon are we talking about here, Al?" 

"A bomb," Al whispered, leaning in closer to Ed as they walked. "A bomb so powerful it can wipe out entire cities in one night." 

Ed froze and stared at Al with wide eyes. Those words were far, far too familiar for comfort. He took in a shaky breath before he started walking again, not wanting Noah to realize something was wrong. "Al... You can't keep working at that factory."

"I don't really have much of a choice," Al said with a frown of his own. "We're hardly making enough for rent as it is, and yours and Noah's tips are getting smaller and smaller by the day. People just don't have spare money for performers on the street these days. And finding another job, even with Heiderich's resume is—"

"Heiderich?" 

"Oh." Al let out a nervous chuckle. "The, ah... Other Al, from this world. I kind of... stole his identity." 

"Hey, Ed, Al, look at this!" 

Noah was pointing to a poster that had been plastering to the wall just beside the entrance of the dance hall, advertising a dance marathon that was going to be taking place next weekend. Apparently, the idea was that whoever was the last couple standing would get a cash prize. And a pretty substantial cash prize too, from the looks of it, though it wasn't nearly as many zeros as Ed was used to with cenz. Al let out a low whistle. 

"That's enough for rent for two months," Al said, his eyebrows shooting up. Ed glanced over at him. Two months of rent would mean Al wouldn't have to keep working in that factory. The poster didn't say you had to dance well, just longer than everyone else. It was just a matter of stamina, which didn't seem impossible. But before he could think much further on it, a voice interrupted him out of his thoughts. 

"Edward! Noah!" 

When he looked away from the poster, there was Winnie, waving and grinning at him. She was wearing different clothes than he had seen her in earlier that day. Over her short hair was a tight felt hat with hardly any brim to it. Her dress was shorter than the one he had seen her in earlier, ending just past her knees. It had a very straight look to it, almost hanging off her like a paper bag, and yet somehow it still looked attractive. Maybe it was because of how much leg she was showing, or the low cut at the top, or maybe the way it practically fell off her shoulders. How was she not freezing? Ed felt the blush creeping up his cheeks, and he coughed. Somehow it seemed weird that this person was a stranger to him, and yet he knew exactly what all the curves her dress was hinting at looked like. 

"Uh, h-hello again, Winnie," Ed stammered, holding out a hand to her. She shook it with a smile and then held her hand out to Al. 

"Hi, I'm Winnie Rochelle." 

"Alphonse Heiderich," Al said, his eyes flicking in Ed's direction with a knowing smirk. "I'm Ed's younger brother." 

"It's nice to meet you," Winnie said, and then turned to Noah for another round of handshakes. "And it's nice to see you again." 

It was interesting, Ed noted to himself, how Noah was almost a different person when she was around people other than him and Al. She kept staring at the ground instead of making eye contact with Winnie, and hardly said anything other than mumbling a hello in response. He wondered if that was a learned habit from people like the man earlier that day who had spit at them, or if Noah was worried about revealing too much after accidentally seeing people's thoughts. He had no idea what it was like to live with a burden like that, but it couldn't be easy. 

Once they were in the building and Winnie was out of earshot, Noah leaned over to Alphonse and whispered, "She's an American." 

"Well, that explains why we had so much trouble finding her before now," Al said with a shrug. "I wonder why she's in Germany." 

Winnie Rochelle. Just different and similar enough at the same time to twist the knife a little deeper in Ed's gut. He sighed and hung his coat on the coat rack before turning back to Noah and Al. 

"Okay, what was that about dancing our worries away? I think I'm ready to dance until I pass out," he said, and Noah beamed at him. Besides, if he was going to actually try and win that contest, then he needed some practice at dancing as long as possible. "Let's make the rafters shake." 

"Kistokai," Al muttered with a roll of his eyes, but he was grinning too. 

Dancing, Ed found, was somehow a harder skill to tap into than German or even guitar. He still needed the same sort of focus he needed with the other two, but he also had to somehow stay aware of the people around him, sometimes even speaking German while he danced. But there was something to be said about getting lost in the music and just letting the beat flow through his very muscles until he was the music and the music was him.

Noah was absolutely beautiful when she danced, just like when they had been busking earlier. Ed guessed that the dancing she had been doing on the street was more the sorts of traditional dances from her people, but in the dance hall, she danced the same popular dances as everyone else. The Charleston was exactly the sort of dance Ed would have expected to be popular after a long war, a ridiculous dance of giddiness and relief. He found that even though he didn't feel great when he started dancing, the vibe was downright contagious, and he found himself laughing as he danced with Noah. 

At some point he had to take a break, partly because he was physically exhausted, but also because trying to tap into a skill for that long left him feeling drained. Which just further convinced him that he needed to find a way to practice if he was going to manage to win that contest. 

"Your wife is a beautiful dancer." 

Ed jumped at the voice, his mind flicking to Winry for a split second before he realized that it was a reference to Noah. Right, he'd referred to "his wife" when he didn't actually have a wife in this world, and now he was stuck going with it. Hopefully Sylvan wouldn't be too mad about that. He plastered a grin over his face and turned to look at Winnie. Looking at her hurt, all familiar and different at the same time, and Ed found himself itching to get back on the dance floor even though he'd hardly caught his breath. 

"Yeah, she really is," Ed said, his voice catching a little on the words. He prayed that Winnie either wouldn't notice or would just chalk it up to him being exhausted.

"So how long have you two been married?"

"Ahh..." Ed rubbed the back of his neck as he looked over at Al and Noah dancing. Al caught his eye and waved with a grin, completely oblivious to Ed's struggle. "It's... complicated."

Winnie's eyes sparked with a recognition that Ed couldn't entirely place, and she pressed her lips together. "Right."

"W-What about you?" Ed said, attempting to divert the conversation. "Are you... married?" 

"No, I've got too much life to live for that!" Winnie said with a shake of her head. "Besides, most men like me for my looks, but once they find out I'm studying to be a doctor, they go running for the hills. Can't handle the thought of a woman who makes more than them, I guess."

Ed let out a bark of a laugh. Of course she was studying to be a doctor. "Their loss. Having a badass for a wife is awesome."

"Right? Thank you!" Winnie said with a laugh of her own.

"So if you're studying to be a doctor, what are you doing all the way in Germany, anyway?"

"Oh no, is my accent that noticeable?" Winnie said with a laugh, her hand flying up to cover her mouth as if she could keep the accent from spilling out. 

Ed shrugged with a grin and shook his head. "I didn't notice, Noah just—" 

He was cut off by a shout from the dance floor, and when he and Winnie snapped their attention back in that direction, Ed suddenly noticed that there was a man on the dance floor shouting at Noah with a knife in his hand. Ed's stomach dropped to his feet and he was standing and moving towards her before he even knew what he was doing. How could he have gotten so distracted by Winnie that he hadn't even noticed Noah was in trouble? Surely there had been signs of things going wrong before it had gotten that bad. 

"Zimmerman, cut it out, she wasn't doing anything!"

Before Ed had much chance to think, he was running until he was in front of Noah, using himself as a shield against the man threatening her. 

"Of course there's more than one of you," the man said with a scowl as his fingers tightened around the knife. "You parasites always go multiplying where you're least wanted." 

Ed just stared at the man, his breath quickening a little even as he frowned. He subtly shifted his feet to make sure he had a solid stance, his right hand tightening into a fist. Sure, the clockwork wouldn't move quite as quickly as regular automail, but he was still pretty sure he would be able to raise his arm up enough to block the knife if he needed—

"Ed..." a trembling voice said from behind him, and then there was a hand on his arm. Before he fully knew what was happening, he was flooded with a memory, the colors bright and spinning. 

He was certain that the memory had to be from Noah's point of view, because it had been from her perspective every time he had seen a memory before. But then he turned his head in the memory, and he was met with a hollow metal creaking. The realization hit him like a heavy weight. This was Al's memory. Noah must have seen it through Al at some point, and now he was seeing a copy of a copy of a memory. 

Al was craning to see the Ed in the memory, stuck somewhere on the floor as he turned his head to try and see the spot where Ed was. His other self was somewhere in the middle of the floor, crouched over something. 

"And then he abandoned me," a low voice said, though Ed couldn't see who exactly was saying it. "You can understand why I hate him, right?" 

Al pushed himself up slightly in an attempt to see better, only to see just in time as Envy lunged forward and stabbed—A sword? A spear?—straight through his double. Ed found himself gasping for breath and trying to turn away from the sight, but he couldn't look away. Not when this was Al's memory, and Al was staring forward in terrified horror. 

"Brother?" Ed said, and even though it was quiet instead of a scream, it felt like the end of the world as he said it. 

His other self was being pushed off the blade, and Ed realized with a sickening wince that the blade was actually Envy's arm, transformed directly into a weapon. Had they learned that from Ed and all the times he'd turned his automail into a blade? 

Rosé was screaming, and it pounded through Ed's soul, because there were no eardrums for it to echo in. And meanwhile, on the ground, he could see the blank way his double's eyes stared at the ceiling. He was so still. Unnaturally still. It was so wrong. Every atom in him was screaming out about how wrong it was. And then the memory was swimming, and Ed was lost in his thoughts.

Ed could remember that he'd had a hunch when he'd seen the scar that his double had that maybe he'd died, but somehow it hadn't seemed quite as real when he wasn't seeing it with his own eyes. Hell, he had never even seen what it had looked like when he had gotten turned into a damn Ed-on-a-stick by that stupid rebar, but he was guessing it hadn't looked any better than the memory he'd just seen. 

He hadn't thought too deeply about it when he'd looked at the wound and went "Ah, yeah, that's pretty vital, that could kill a guy." He'd remembered Al saying something about them sacrificing themselves for one another, but he hadn't thought too deeply on it. But human transmutation wasn't possible. How was his double still standing? He had died. He had definitely died. How had he gotten around the laws? By coming to this world? Was that why he couldn't go home?

Ed was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice right as a fist came at him and punched him squarely in the face before he had a chance to react. Al was by his side before he'd even had much of a chance to stagger a step backward from the impact. Thank his lucky stars it had been a fist instead of the hand that was still holding a knife. 

Apparently, it didn't matter much which world Al was from, he was still gifted with that ability to talk to anyone and get them to calm down from just about anything. So while Ed's head kept spinning with the implications of the memory he'd just seen, Al managed to get the crowd to calm down and disperse back to the dancing that had been going on just moments before. 

"Oh my gosh, do you have a death wish? Right after you've had a heart attack?"

Winnie was suddenly rushing towards him, taking his face in her hands and pulling his eyes open wider so she could peer at his pupils. He knew she was Winnie, but all he could think about was his wife waiting at home for him with his children. What was she going through without him? What if he couldn't get home to her? Hell, his double had been skewered, what if it just wasn't possible to get out of this situation without—

"I'm sorry," he said, tears streaming down his face as he grabbed her forearms. "I'm so sorry, Winry. I'm sorry."

"I know, stupid, now shut up and let me fix you."

Ed was inconsolable after that point, not able to make his mouth actually form full sentences. Somehow, between Al and Winnie and Noah, they managed to get him home, where he was tucked into bed against his will. Though it all, he couldn't wipe the image of himself skewered on Envy's arm out of his mind. There was no coming back from something like that. No coming back from something like this. 

He eventually managed to drift into a fitful sleep, and when he opened his eyes, it was to the whiteness of the void. 

Good. He had a lot of questions. 

Chapter Text

Ed stared down his double in the empty white space, crossing his arms over his chest. Somehow that seemed easier than the crying he had been doing just hours before when Al had forced him into bed. Sylvan looked... deflated somehow, like he was more tired than he had been the previous night. 

"So," Sylvan said with a sigh as he looked around the space with a helpless shrug. Ed knew it was a shrug of here we are again. 

"So," Ed repeated, and then paused as he took in a breath. He didn't really need to take in a breath in that space, of course, but he needed to get his thoughts in order somehow. 

"So... How was your day?" Sylvan said, cracking a weak imitation of a grin. "I had to deal with Mustang, plus everyone told me that apparently calling you Bigfoot is the worst thing eve—" 

"Stop, stop," Ed said with a wave of his hand as he pinched at the bridge of his nose. "Can I... Can I ask for a favor?" 

Sylvan frowned at him, as if that wasn't exactly the reaction he had been expecting. "Uh... Sure?" 

"Look, I..." Ed sighed and pulled his hand away from his face to make eye contact with Sylvan. Staring into another pair of golden eyes that weren't Al's or his dad's eyes was unnerving. Maybe it was unnerving because they were familiar in that particularly deep way that Al would never quite manage. Or maybe it was because Sylvan's eyes were so unfamiliar, dark in a way Ed din't particularly want to think about.

"I know myself. I know you," Ed started slowly. "I know that when shit hits the fan, I tend to put on a mask and pretend everything is fine when it's not because, y'know... That's better than letting the people I love be scared. Someone has to be the strong one. But I know you. I can read everything you do. And you can read everything I do. So can we just... Can we promise one another that we won't do that bullshit with one another in here? No lies. There's no reason to lie to someone who knows your every move."

Sylvan let out a long sigh, then pressed his lips together. "Alright. No lies. No faking. What happened?" 

"Where do I even fucking start?" Ed said with a laugh as he ran a hand through his bangs. "I figured out how to speak German. I went out with Noah and we met Winry's double. Al had a breakdown and then I found out what the great war is. Oh, and then, when I was trying to feel better, I just got punched in the face by a racist jerk." 

To his credit, Sylvan took the barrage of information pretty well, even as the memories swirled in the blank space around them. When it finally managed to calm down, he sighed and said in a soft voice, "Al had a breakdown?" 

"Yeah, the..." Ed closed his eyes. "The factory is going to start making weapons." 

"Shit."

"Yeah." Ed opened his eyes and looked at his double again. "And one more thing. Noah showed me a memory. Of when you died." 

Sylvan made a face. "...Which one?"

Ed almost wanted to scream at the implication. If you had to ask which of your deaths a person was referencing, then something was terribly wrong.

"The one with Envy, and the... stabby stab..." Ed trailed off, at a loss for words. It had been terrible enough just to see it, trying to find the words to describe what had happened seemed impossible. What information did Sylvan even need?

"Yeah, yeah, got it. Don't worry, Envy only killed me once," Sylvan said with a snort as he rubbed a hand at the back of his neck. "That one was... That one was pretty bad, yeah."

A long moment of silence passed over the two of them at that. After all, what even was there to say? Hey man, sorry to hear that you died? Brutally? In a puddle of your own blood? Yeah, somehow anything that could be said seemed unbelievably trite, especially in the wake of that particular memory. Ed could still remember the glassy way Sylvan's eyes had stared up at the ceiling, the way Noah—no, Rosé—had screamed out his name, and the way Al had sat there trying to convince himself that it wasn't true, that it had to be a trick, that Brother had some grand plan all along and how any minute he would spring up and announce how Envy had walked right into his trap or something. Because people like him always found a way to get back up, somehow. Even when it was literally impossible.

"Dying..." Ed finally managed to say with a frown. "Is that... Is that how you ended up crossing worlds?" 

"Um." Sylvan shrugged. "Sort of. It's.... complicated. Do you really want to hear?" 

"Whether I want to or not, I think I have to at this point." 

"Yeah, that's fair." His doubled sucked in a long breath and ran a hand through his bangs before he continued. "Okay. So. When I died, I came... here? I think?" 

The landscape shifted subtly, and Ed suddenly realized that it was shifting as it did for any other memory. The white landscape stayed the same, but a large gate showed up, looming over them ominously in the emptiness. Ed frowned at it. It didn't look anything like his Gate. It was covered in sculptures of people who looked like they were in pain, reaching out as if Ed would be the one to give them salvation. It left an uneasy feeling in the pit of Ed's stomach, made him know just from looking at it that this was a place of danger and he wasn't safe. 

"And while I was here, apparently Al decided to sacrifice himself and the philosopher's stone in order to bring me back." 

"Al..." Ed whispered, and he could have sworn he would have said the same thing even if he hadn't been locked in Sylvan's memory. He could feel tears on his cheeks as he stared at the Gate in front of him, but he couldn't reach up to wipe them away. 

The landscape shifted again, the white fading away and morphing into an elaborate golden ceiling. Ed was on his back on the floor, tears still running down his face. 

"And then I... I told Rosé to go... And..."

The world shifted again, but this time Ed was standing upright. He was pulling his shirt off, his face set in grim determination. Ed knew the expression too well. He'd felt the exact same emotion at one point. He was walking over to another part of the room, where there was a puddle of blood on the floor. Ed's stomach flipped, and he desperately wanted to look away. This had to be the exact same place where Sylvan had...

"This blood pulled you back from the Gate once, Al," Ed murmured, crouching down and touching a couple of fingers to the sticky liquid. "Hopefully it will lead you back to where you need to be one more time."

He then set to drawing a circle on his chest that Ed couldn't entirely recognize, something with three arrows and a circle in the middle with three lines radiating out from it. Another one went on each of his arms and his forehead as well, and then he clapped his hands and pressed them to the floor. The blood shifted and transformed until it had made a huge transmutation in thick, dark lines. Ed frowned. Actually, there was something very familiar about—

"If what dad said is true, then right now, Al's body and soul are inside the Gate." The memory was taking over again, and Ed was stuck saying words that were different from the million questions floating inside his head. "There can be no other price for a life. Even if I offer all of myself, it might not do any good. But still, there's no reason for you to have to go away."

There was a clap and a flash, the world faded away, and Ed found himself staring once again at the Gate that unnerved him so much, the one so different from his own. The doors opened with a creak, and as Ed felt himself get grabbed and pulled by a million hands, he closed his eyes. 

"Please live, Al," he whispered. 

Everything faded away, leaving two sets of golden eyes to stare at one another. 

"And when I woke up, I was in the other world," Sylvan said in a hoarse voice. 

Silence fell over the two of them as they stared at each other and both tried to catch their breath. 

"Your Gate looks different than mine," Ed finally managed to say, and Sylvan frowned as if the very concept didn't make sense to him. Ed couldn't entirely blame him for that. Was that how they were managing to do different things when they both went to the Gate? And yet they both seemed to have lost the same limbs anyway. 

"How is that possible? It's the Gate."

"I don't know," Ed said with a shrug. Admittedly, it wasn't like he had ever asked anyone what the Gate had looked like when they went there. Perhaps everyone really was seeing something different. "Can you pull up the memory again? I want to take another look." 

Sylvan shrugged, and then there was the Gate looming over them again. Ed noticed when he was able to get a second look at it that the statues of people weren't actually reaching out in pain, but rather holding the entire Gate up. He frowned and tilted his head as he considered it, trying to connect it to memories of his own Gate. Why were they different?

As he was thinking, Sylvan made a choked sound, and Ed turned to see what he was reacting to when he noticed... His Gate. Opposite Sylvan's, just like his and Al's had been at one point. 

And then he realized he had spun around. And both their Gates were currently there. He wasn't locked in a memory.

"Wait," Ed breathed. "These are actually here. That must mean... We're actually at the Gate? But why wouldn't it have been visible before?"

"But... How could we be at the Gate?" Sylvan frowned as he stepped over to Ed's Gate. He reached out as if he was going to touch it, but his hand hovered a few inches in front of it, as if he was afraid that touching it would activate it. "There's only one Gate. There can't be two. What is this?" 

"This is the Gate I saw." Ed walked over and stood beside Sylvan, looking the Gate over with a frown. "There were two Gates before, but it was me and Al. When we did the transmutation, our lines got crossed. Maybe the same thing is happening here? But... If the Gates are here, then... Where is Truth?" 

"Maybe he doesn't show up when Gates get crossed?" 

I kept myself from being revealed to them, leaning back and grinning to myself. This was getting good. 

The two of them stared at the Gate for another long minute, Ed rubbing at his chin and Sylvan shoving his hands in his pockets. After a long moment of silence, Ed finally let out a frustrated groan and rubbed both hands at his head. 

"Agh! I don't get it! Why are we here? Why did we even switch in the first place? How do we even switch back?"

"I... I might have an idea for that," Sylvan said with a frown. Ed snapped his head around to look at his double, but Sylvan kept his eyes fixed on the Gate in front of him. "And if these really are both our Gates, then we might just be able to do it." 

There was another pause before Ed realized Sylvan wasn't going to reveal his plan. "Yeah, well? What is it?" 

"You got Al back by sacrificing alchemy, right? Well," Sylvan sighed and looked up at Ed with a shrug. "I still technically have my alchemy. If that was enough toll for an entire person, body and soul, it should be enough for two souls to switch places."

"Wait." Ed frowned and looked back at his Gate. "You're right. I sacrificed this. Why is it still here?" 

"Does it really matter? It's here, we can use it to switch back." Sylvan shrugged, then turned and marched over to his Gate, reaching out without the same hesitation he'd had towards his double's Gate. Ed frowned and held both his hands up like a warning. 

"Hang on, time out. Are you absolutely sure this is safe? Can you promise we'll both live if you open that thing?" 

Sylvan froze where he was, his head drooping so his bangs hung in front of his face. A moment of silence passed between the two of them, and Ed knew exactly what that meant. There was no guarantee it was safe, no guarantee it would even work. The landscape morphed around them, and Ed found himself suddenly sucked into Sylvan's memory, sitting on the bed with Winry. 

"What if you can't?" Winry whispered, squeezing his forearms. Ed felt his face frowning at her, as if Sylvan had been confused by the very concept of not being able to do something. "Will you just leave us because you're not the one who chose to marry me? Or what if you're so determined to get back no matter the cost and the cost ends up being you? What then?"

Ed paused, and he could feel Sylvan's emotions racing as he looked at Winry. Just seeing her hurt. Maybe even more than it had before he'd met her double. She looked absolutely heartbroken. He wished he could use the pause to reach out and hold her, kiss her, tell her that he would never let her lose him. He was going to find a way home that wouldn't kill him. But he wasn't sure if he would even be able to believe the words himself. 

"You're right," Ed whispered, squeezing her arms back and looking down at the bedspread, his hair hanging in front of his face. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He looked up at her again, and pulled in a slow breath before he spoke. "I'll... I'll make sure I'm not reckless. I won't take any unnecessary risks."

The memory faded, and Ed found himself staring at his double. He raised his eyebrows and held his hands out as if waiting for an answer. "Well? You promised Winry no unnecessary risks. Can you honestly say this is a necessary risk? Can you promise we'll both live?"

"I..." Sylvan coughed and looked over his shoulder at the Gate. "I wouldn't say it's unnecessary..."

"Bullshit," Ed snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. "Fuck you. You promised we wouldn't lie to each other in here." 

"I'm not lying..."

"No, you're lying!" Ed snapped. "You're faking it and trying to act like it's not as bad as it is! You're trying to save me from carrying the burden with you when it's the same damn burden!" 

"No, it's not the same burden!" Sylvan snapped, scoffing and waving his hand through the air. "Mustang told me about your timeline, so don't you dare try and tell me that we're been through the same shit. You're the fucking golden prince who had everything go his way! You don't even know half of what I've sacrificed to get here, and you don't get to come in here and tell me what I am and am not allowed to sacrifice. If I say you deserve to get home, then shut up and fucking take it!"

"I sacrificed plenty!" Ed snapped back with a growl. "I'm not some stupid golden prince. I sacrificed years of my life just to make sure I would survive!"

"Well, I killed our mother," Sylvan said, his voice low. 

"Human transmutation doesn't work like that, you didn't—" 

"Shut up, jackass. I brought her back. But I brought her back cruel and broken," Sylvan growled, his hands clenching into fists. "So I dug up her bones and I murdered her. There, is that telling enough truth for you?" 

Ed didn't doubt for a second that Sylvan meant it when he said he was telling the truth now. It was obvious when he looked into Sylvan's eyes that he meant every word he said. He stared into his own reflection and felt a wave of fear wash over him, and he took an involuntary step backward. The look in Sylvan's eyes wasn't quite like anything Ed had known, and it shook him to his core. It was fire and death and rage. This was absolutely a man who had killed their mother. This was him. 

"You don't get to make the fucking rules about sacrifice," Sylvan spat. 

"Well," Ed said, trying to push the fear down so it wasn't clawing at his chest, "You don't get to drag me into your sacrifice. What happens if it doesn't go the way you want it to? What if it ends up being my body that pays the toll becase that's the body you're in? What if it all backfires and I end up being the toll instead of you? We already made that mistake once. Don't fucking make it again."

Sylvan stared for a long minute, his mouth opening and closing. Ed knew it was kind of a low blow, but he was admittedly scared of this wild man who had lost absolutely everything and still scrabbled for a way to survive. He didn't want to be dragged into plans made by someone who asked "which one?" in reference to his own death.

After a long minute, Sylvan sighed and looked away with a wave of his hand. "You have to get home. That little baby needs you."

"You're needed too, dumbass," Ed said with a frown. "There's something bad coming on the horizon in Germany, and I'm pretty sure you had some sort of plan on how to deal with it. Al and Noah need you just like my family needs me."

"Then what do we do?" Sylvan said, and suddenly, this man who had just been all fire and rage was suddenly helpless and lost. He didn't even know what to do when he was forbidden from self-sacrifice. 

"What we need is Truth," Ed said with a sigh as he frowned and put his hands on his hips. He turned and looked around the white space as if he could get answers that easily. I swear, it takes forever to train an Ed, the little kistokai. They just don't know when to quit. "If the Gate's here, then Truth has to be around somewhere. Truth! Come on! We need to make a deal!"

Ah, I suppose that's my cue, Reader. I'll be right back. 

"Okay, I think he's actually asleep," Al said, closing the door softly behind him and turning towards the two women on the sofa. "Winnie, you're sure he's okay? He seemed... Out of it." 

"Well, he didn't pass out," she said with a sigh. "And he didn't seem like he was too dizzy, so I think he should be alright as long as you keep an eye on him. He seemed like he was more... Emotionally hurt than anything else. I think the experience shook him a little. I think most men would be if their wife was threatened like that." 

Winnie glanced over at Noah as she spoke, and Al jumped a little at the mention of Noah as Ed's wife. When his eyes caught hers, she gave him a look that was clearly urging him to just go with it, so he gave a nod. He didn't know why Winnie thought those two were married, but it was clearly the wrong time to question it.

"Would you like to stay here for the night?" he said, turning back to Winnie. "I'd hate to send you home in the middle of the night like this." 

"That's not a terrible idea, actually," Winnie said with a sigh. "And I suppose then I would be around just in case Edward had anything drastic happen in the middle of the night." 

"Thank you," Al said with a relieved sigh. "Can I get you anything? Tea, maybe?" 

"Sure." 

"I think I'm going to go to bed," Noah said in a soft tone. She pushed herself off the sofa and headed in the direction of her bedroom. Al noticed the movement from the corner of his eye and coughed. 

"Uh, Noah," he called out. "Don't forget your... husband is in the other room." 

She paused and stared at him with wide eyes for a couple of seconds before she nodded. "Riiight. I was just going to grab a book from... your room before I went to bed." 

She went off to her room like she had been doing a moment before, but quickly came back out with a book clutched in her hands. She looked down at the floor as she hurried over from her bedroom to Ed and Al's, mumbling a quick goodnight before closing the door. Al shook his head to himself and tried to pretend he hadn't noticed how much she had been blushing. 

"So have you been in Stuttgart a while?" Al asked Winnie with a smile as he set the kettle on the stove. His mind flicked back to how Noah had told him earlier that Winnie was American. He and Ed had been trying to find Winry's double for so long by that point that it almost felt surreal to have her just sitting there on their couch. And then it turned out she had been so hard to find because she had been an entire ocean away. Ed was going to lose his mind when he heard the news.

"Oh, I've only been here a few days," Winnie said with a grin. "I'll be going back to America in a few weeks." 

"Oh, America?" Al said, doing his best to feign surprise. "That's so far away!" 

"Yeah, I just came out here to see some family," she said with a smile. Her eyes darted in the direction of the dining room table for a couple of seconds before flitting back over to Al. "You know, I'm been so curious. I know it's not my business, But... what is that thing? A... robot?" 

"Oh, that?" Al couldn't keep himself from chuckling. Apparently, she and her double had a few things in common, including a natural interest in automail. "That's Ed's project. He uses prosthetic limbs, and he's been trying to fix that one up."

"He uses prosthetics?" Winnie said, her eyes practically bugging out of her head. "I would have never been able to tell! He was dancing so well in the dance hall!"

"Yeah," Al said with a grin. "Yeah, it's pretty advanced. It uses the natural energy from his body to power itself."

"Wow." Winnie said with a shake of her head. "Wow. He must be... so smart. That sounds way beyond my level of understanding." 

Al bit back a laugh as he leaned against the counter, not meeting Winnie's eyes. "I think you might be surprised at what you're capable of sometimes when you have enough determination."

They fell into silence then, the sort of silence that comes from being two strangers who don't entirely know how to talk to one another. Which was an extremely weird thing to be feeling with someone who had Winry's face, of all people, Al noted to himself. But it wasn't as if he hadn't gotten over that hump with other people before, either. At that moment, the kettle started whistling, and Al had to turn his attention away from her so he could instead concentrate on making their tea. 

"Well, what do you do?" 

"Oh, me?" Al blinked and looked up from the tea. "I'm an engineer. I help make automobiles more efficient."

"Well, no wonder you think prosthetics like that aren't too complicated!" Winnie said with a laugh. "That stuff must come easy to you!"

"Not as easy as it comes to... some people," Al said with a laugh of his own as he brought over her mug of tea and settled on the sofa beside her. He had his own mug of tea clutched in his hands, the warm scent drifting upwards. How odd, to sit talking to Winry's double and have her marvel over the fact that he was an engineer. Al wanted to think that if Winry had known, she would have been proud. "I had to study hard to know as much about engineering. I just really like science, so the studying was fun." 

"So what about you? Have you been in Stuttgart very long?" 

Al sucked in a breath as his mind flashed back to the night they had fled Munich. He could still remember the way the sticky summer air had been clinging to his skin when Ed had come home in a fit.

"We're moving," Ed snapped as he barged in through the front door of their apartment. Noah and Al both looked up at him with wide eyes. "It's not safe here anymore. Pack what you can carry. We're leaving town."

"I thought you were going to talk—" Al started, closing his book, and Ed cut him off.

"Yeah, I thought so too, but he's apparently not going to do anything."

"What?!" Al said, standing up and letting the book fall to the floor. "But Noah doesn't feel safe, why wouldn't Hughes—"

"Because he's not our Hughes, okay?" Ed snapped. Al's face crumpled as the realization hit him. Noah looked between the two of them, wringing her hands in worry. "And he was our last hope, so now we have to leave. It's too dangerous."

"Where are we even going to go?"

"I don't know. We'll figure it out on the way. Somewhere far away from here, hopefully."

"Um," Noah interjected softly, and both boys turned to look at her. "It's only me that's in danger. You two don't... You don't have to go anywhere. I could—"

"Absolutely not," Ed said, striding over to her and placing his hands on his shoulders. "I made a promise to you, Noah. I'm not leaving you behind ever again."

"It doesn't count if I leave you behind," Noah said, and one of the tears at the corner of her eye slipped down her cheek. "I don't want to see you lose your home again."

"Do you think Munich is my home? Do you think Germany is my home?" Ed said with a small scoff. "Noah, I would lose a thousand Germanies to keep you and Al safe. You two are my home, not some place. And I don't want to lose my home either, okay?"

"Okay," Noah whispered.

"No, we haven't been here very long," Al murmured, wrapping both his hands around the warm mug as he stared down into the liquid. "We had to stay on the road for a while, so we just moved here a couple years ago. Some old friends of ours had settled down here, so we figured it seemed like a nice place."

And it had been a fairly nice place for them for a while, but lately, it seemed like the entire world was getting tenser, and Al and Ed had been worrying for Noah's safety all over again. On top of everything else that was going on now.

He and Winnie chatted amicably as they finished off their tea, and Al found himself silently thanking her. It was just the sort of distraction he needed when he was still worried about both Noah and Ed. And his brother, for that matter. Noah had been threatened, Ed had seemed so upset, and Al still didn't even know what was happening with his brother. He hadn't thought when the two Eds had switched places that it wouldn't just snap back to normal within a day or two. After all, if they had switched for no reason at all, it didn't make sense why they wouldn't switch back.

Once Winnie had finished off her tea, Al insisted on her taking "his" room and hoping Noah wouldn't mind. But it didn't seem fair to force a guest to sleep on the sofa while he slept in a bed, even if it wasn't technically his bed. He managed to find some spare pajamas that looked like they would fit Winnie, and then he was going back out to the living room. 

Even though Al knew that it would be in his best interest to sleep, he had a hard time actually making his brain settle down when it still felt like it was racing at a thousand kilometers a minute. So instead of sleeping, he ended up pulling out an old book on parallel universes and settling in on the sofa to flick through it. 

There had to be answers somewhere. 

Why had the two Eds switched? Why weren't they switching back? Were they going to have to open the Gate again just to send them home? But they hadn't needed the Gate open to switch in the first place, so would it really do that much good to open the Gate to send them home? 

Al got up to make himself another cup of tea. 

The biggest frustration was, he knew exactly who he wanted to talk to about all these theories, and it was the one person who wasn't there. But the Ed who was around didn't understand parallel universes quite so thoroughly, and he wasn't... Well. Brother. Al sighed and leaned his cheek on the palm of his hand as he flicked through the book. He hated feeling so separated. It reminded him of darker days. Days he had spent the past four years running from. He hadn't ever expected to find himself in this situation again, trapped an entire world away from his brother. 

He had never wanted to remember what that felt like. 

But even if he wanted to stay awake, his body had other plans, and Al found his eyelids drooping as he flicked through the book. When he caught himself rereading the same paragraph five times and still not understanding it, he finally admitted defeat and turned off the lamp. They couldn't afford to waste any electricity they could avoid using, after all. 

When he fell asleep on the sofa, he drifted off into dreams almost instantly, and he found himself in the middle of a golden desert, the sun setting on the horizon. His movement was oddly jerky, and when he glanced down, he realized it was because he was riding a camel. He was also wearing unfamiliar clothes, colorful and silky. Something about the entire memory felt odd and out of place, but also familiar in some way. 

As Al observed the dream, it suddenly clicked for him why the dream felt the way it did. It felt the same way as when he had dreamed of Germany through Alfons' eyes. This was his double. But why was he riding through the desert on a camel?

"Please be okay, Brother," Al murmured, squeezing his fingers around the reins as he and the camel flew through the desert. 

Al didn't know exactly where his double had been or why he was riding a camel, but Al knew why he was doing it, at least. He was scared of losing his brother. 

He woke from the dream with a jolt, tears springing to his eyes. 

"Please be okay, Brother," Al repeated. He hoped that whatever his double was experiencing wasn't threatening his brother, the one who was currently in that world.

He laid down and tried desperately to go back to sleep, but found himself fitfully tossing and turning, unable to stop his heart from hammering in his chest. Something was wrong. He was willing to bet anything on it. He wasn't sure exactly what was wrong, maybe it wasn't what the other Al had been scared by, but his gut feelings about his brother had never been wrong before. 

Something was wrong.

When Al finally did manage to pass out again, it was thankfully—blissfully—dreamless and dark. 

I refuse to sit here and seriously use the name "Bigfoot" just to keep Eds straight. I won't stand for it. I have more dignity than that.

The toll to speak with me is your name.

I chose to exist within arms' reach of them as I materialized the words into sound. They both jumped and looked at me like two deer in the headlights. Priceless. Sylvan looked just a shade or two more spooked than his double, having only ever spoken to me before without seeing me. He was taking it pretty well, considering.

"My... name?" Sylvan said with a frown.

Not your name. His.

I turned and pointed, and the subject of my point gulped with a frown. I tilted my head to one side, considering him.

You two are kistokai, eh? You'll be Kai now.

Kai frowned a little at that, opening his mouth as if he were going to protest. Probably because in Amestrian, I had just done the equivalence of naming him "Person." But after a second of thought, he decided against it and closed his mouth. That's right, buddy, you don't want to argue with me when you don't know what else I may do. Just accept that being named Person is still a better toll than some of the ones I've given you in the past. 

Now that you've paid the toll... What kind of deal did you have in mind, hm?

"What would we have to pay to get home?" Kai said, gesturing between the two of them. I cocked my head to one side.

You wouldn't be paying a toll for that, Alchemist. That would be you trying to undo a toll. I flicked my head to Sylvan and then back to Kai. You know, just like when you both returned Al's toll.

Kai furrowed his eyebrows. Sylvan stared at me and swallowed a lump in his throat with a nod. 

"Wait," Kai frowned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "What toll would we be undoing, exactly?" 

"We died," Sylvan whispered, still looking at me. I gave him a slight nod, and he turned to look at Kai. "We had heart attacks. Heart attacks that killed us. We died, and switching places was the toll to keep us alive."

Kai didn't have any blood in that place of nothingness, but that didn't stop him from turning as white as the space around him. He sucked in a breath. "No. No, that can't be." 

"So if we undid the toll..." Sylvan frowned and turned back to look at me. "That would undo what we gained, wouldn't it? We'd stay dead this time." 

That is usually how returns work. I flashed a grin at them. Unless you were able to come up with a suitable replacement toll. You've both managed that once before. 

"How will we know if it's enough?" Kai said, crossing his arms across his chest. I put and hand on my hip and sighed at him. 

You won't know. That defeats the entire purpose of a toll.

"So we could... We could end up offering a toll and we'd just..." Kai's face looked like how his heart was feeling. Broken. "We'd just end up dead?" 

You've taken that risk before.

"This is different!" he snapped, running a hand through his bangs. Sylvan looked over at him with a frown. "There's so much more at risk this time!"

No risk, no reward. Equivalent Exchange.

Kai seemed absolutely lost in his thoughts at that, so Sylvan took advantage of the moment to ask a question of his own. "Who... Or what are you, anyway?" 

I smirked. The question was always such a given with Eds, but it was always somehow fun to answer. 

You know who I am. Everyone has a name for me. I'm Everything. I'm Nothing. I'm the Alpha. I'm the Omega. The Beginning. The End. The Omniscient Narrator. And I'm you, of course. I paused as my grin stretched wider across my face. Even Winry has a name for me.

"All the infinite mes," Sylvan whispered, his eyes widening. "The greater Ed."

Now you're finally getting it.

Silence fell over the space as the two of them sat there processing the information they'd been given. They both looked like they'd had their mind blown a little. So, you know. We were on track, then. I nodded. That seemed like enough information for one night to me. More information than that could end up easily being too much, judging by the expressions they were making. 

If you need me again, feel free to call me. I waved my hand and smirked at them. I vanished from their sight, but kept my voice materialized for one last zinger before I was fully gone. Your call will be toll-free next time. 

Ah, why do I bother? They didn't understand that joke. It was still a few years ahead of their time.

"So... So that's it?" Kai whispered. "We're just... Stuck like this?"

"Not forever." Sylvan frowned and rubbed a hand at his chin. "Weren't you listening? We just have to figure out something that will be a sufficient enough toll to get both of us back to our own worlds. We just have to buy time until we figure it out."

Kai looked over to Sylvan with wide, horrified eyes. "And if we guess wrong, we die. I don't like those odds." 

"Well, we'll just have to make sure we don't guess wrong, then." 

"We have no way of knowing," Kai snapped. "If we guess wrong, my kids grow up without a dad."

"And what about if we stay put, genius?" Sylvan scoffed. "They still wouldn't have you!" 

"At least they would have a dad!" Kai snapped. The two of them stared at each other for a long moment, their fists clenched in the silence. Finally, Kai's shoulders drooped. As he looked at Sylvan, his expression cracked and tears started rolling down his cheeks. "Right? They'd have a dad. They'd have a dad. You wouldn't just... leave them?" 

"No, hell no, of course I wouldn't leave them," his double said with a huff, running his hands through his bangs. "But... I just... I..."

"Please," Kai whispered. "Please. They don't deserve to suffer because of me." 

Sylvan stared at him for a long moment before he finally hissed and rubbed a hand against his forehead. "Fuck. We're just going to give up? We never give up." 

"The entire point is that we aren't giving up," Kai said in a soft voice. "We found a way to live when other people would have died. We're managing to survive though impossible odds. That's worth something."

"I still feel like we're giving up," Sylvan snapped. 

"Just... Can you do something for me? Can you tell Winry that I love her? And tell her... Tell her she's free to be with whoever she wants. I just want her to be happy."

"Don't talk like that," Sylvan snapped. "We'll figure out a toll. We've been outright told that we could fix this and make everything go back to how it was before if we just find the right toll, and we're not even going to try and figure out what that toll would be because it's too risky? Since when has risk ever stopped us from trying to accomplish something?"

"Since it's not just our toll we're gambling with." Kai couldn't entirely meet his double's gaze, closing his eyes and sucking in a long breath. "If we get this wrong, it wouldn't just be us paying the price. The kids would suffer. Winry would suffer. Noah would suffer. And both Als would... They'd be inconsolable. We can't just go running in with hubris and thinking we're going to beat this thing when other people are on the line. That's... that's the entire reason everything went bad the first time. We can't repeat that mistake. We promised never again."

He paused long enough to let his eyes actually connect with Sylvan's, and he saw that his double's eyes were shiny with tears. 

"Edward," Kai whispered, and Sylvan jumped at his double actually using his first name for once. "I can't let Winry go through the same thing our mom did. I can't let my kids know what it's like to lose a parent to sickness."

Sylvan stared for a long minute, clearly trying to fight the urge to cry, even in an empty void where there wasn't physical compulsion to cry. When the dam finally broke and the tears started streaming down his cheeks, he clutched his hands to his face and screamed. It was the sort of scream that was the pure sound of a heart being ripped in half, like his very soul was being stretched in every direction possible until he snapped. 

"Do you know how many people died because Al was so determined to find me? I can't let him go back to that place! I can't—"

"I won't let him," Kai whispered. "I promise. I won't let Al spiral because you're not there. I'll protect him with my life." 

They stared at each other in the empty space, two matching pairs of broken golden eyes sandwiched between two mismatched Gates. Neither of them could think of any words to say. Neither of them would have been able to actually say the words if they thought of them. Words didn't need to be said. There weren't any words in either world that would be sufficient for such a moment, anyway. 

"I didn't even get to say goodbye," Sylvan finally whispered. 

"People usually don't when they die." Kai let out a bitter snort. "At least we have more of a chance than most people. I can pass on whatever message you want."

There was a long moment of silence as his double thought on it before he finally sighed and looked up again. "Tell Al and Noah I love them both. And tell them that... that I'm sorry."

"Of course," Kai whispered with a nod. "And... What about... Al said you thought another war was coming. What do I do?" 

"It's definitely coming," Sylvan said in a low tone, his fists clenching at his sides. "It's... Okay, listen. There's a lot. I have this journal in the suitcase under my bed. I used it to keep track of deals and things I was doing. You should read it so you know what all is going on. But the short version is that there's this guy I've been working with who's trying to help us. His name is Fritz Lang. When he calls, just do whatever he says, okay? He... Your instinct is going to be... Not to trust him, but this is me vouching for him. He's a good guy."

Kai raised an eyebrow. "Just what kind of character is he, with a warning like that?"

"He's..." Sylvan shrugged with a sigh. "You'll understand when you meet him." 

Neither of them was entirely sure what to say after that, a long silence settling over them again before Sylvan finally had the courage to speak again. 

"Do... Do you want me to tell Teddy and Zaza?" 

"No," Kai whispered, looking down at his feet with a shake of his head. He paused to suck in a breath, closing his eyes as if even thinking the words was paining him. "By the time they're older they probably won't even remember me anyway. You're going to be more their dad than me." 

Silence fell over them again. Kai opened his eyes and looked up, flicking his eyes between the two Gates while Sylvan stared at his feet, his hands in his pockets. 

"I hope we get to keep coming here every night," Kai said with a sigh. "Then at least I can watch them grow up, even if I can't be there." 

"Would... Would you like to see one of my memories from today of Teddy and Zaza?" The tone in Sylvan's voice was almost pitying, but Kai decided he didn't care. 

"Please," he breathed. 

The landscape around them shifted almost instantly, and Kai found himself in Teddy and Zaza's room. Everything was dark as he tucked the blanket around Teddy. His son was already half asleep, clutching his pillow with a small grin. 

"Daddy?" Teddy said, keeping his eyes closed. 

"Yeah?" 

"Can you kiss me goodnight?" 

Kai had endless gratitude for the fact that Sylvan hadn't even flinched, immediately leaning forward and pressing a kiss against Teddy's forehead. Teddy's grin widened a little, and he snuggled into his pillow with a contented sigh. 

"Goodnight, Daddy, I love you," Teddy whispered. 

"I love you too, buddy," Kai said, patting Teddy as he stood up. He wanted to clutch Teddy against him and cry into the toddler's hair and tell him just how much his daddy loved him, but he was bound by the memory's script. So instead, he found himself standing up and going over to Zaza's bed. 

She was already sound asleep, her hand clenched in a tiny fist on her pillow. Kai leaned down, tucked her blankets around her, and leaned in to press a small kiss against her forehead as well. Her hair was baby-soft under his lips, and it made him ache. She was still so small. But then he was straightening and tiptoeing out of the room. 

"Everyone asleep?" Winry said as he quietly clicked the door closed. 

"Everyone's asleep," he said with a sigh. "I'm not far off myself." 

"Well, then you'll be happy to hear I did the dishes while you were in the study, so we can go straight to bed."

"Oh, you are absolutely amazing," Kai said, rubbing at his eyes. "I owe you one." 

The memory faded away and morphed back into the two Gates, and Kai let the tears slide down his cheeks. It was so utterly normal. He'd had a million nights exactly like that with Winry, and it suddenly hit him that he was never going to experience another memory like that firsthand again. From now on, all the memories he got were going to be hand-me-downs from his double. It was better than not having his family at all, but it was still unbearably painful. 

"How are we going to manage this?" Sylvan whispered.

"We're just going to," Kai said as he took in a deep breath. "Because we have to. Everyone is counting on us."

You know, Reader, if you're here, then you have to pay a toll, too. 

Don't worry about it, though. 

You're already paying some of it right now.

Chapter Text

"Okay, okay," Kai said, pacing as he ran his hands through his hair. Sylvan watched him, raising an eyebrow and running a thumb over his lips. "Plan. We need a plan. I... I'm going to... I know, I can tell you my morning routine, and tell you everything you need to know about... my life, and then... Then you can just take over. Winry and the kids don't even need to know..."

Sylvan scoffed and tossed his hair. "You're new to this, aren't you?" 

Kai turned back to look at him with a bewildered expression. "New to what?" 

"Dying."

For the briefest of moments, the landscape flitted back to the memory Sylvan could remember of when he had been at the Gate right after he'd been stabbed. He couldn't even entirely tell whether it had changed because he was remembering it, or because Kai was remembering him remembering it. Kai let out some sort of pained whimper and tangled his fingers in his bangs. 

"It's not supposed to be something you get practice at!" Kai snapped. 

Sylvan wanted to tell Kai a million things. Namely, like how he wasn't the one who had wanted to give up on finding a way home because it was too dangerous. Kai was sitting there saying he didn't want to try and find a way home because it involved too much risk, but then he was trying to pretend like everything could be fine, like Sylvan could just pretend to be him for the rest of time to protect Winry. 

Only the words fell away from him as soon as he caught the terrified expression on Kai's face. Sure, Sylvan had experience with dying, but he didn't know what it was like to die as a father.

"Look," Sylvan said with a sigh, switching to a softer tone. "If we're just going to give up on finding a way home, then it doesn't help to pretend that's not what we're doing. I'm not you, and I'm not going to take instructions on how to pretend to be you for the rest of my life. If you're not willing to try and get home, then. Well. There's not really anything I can do about it, honestly. It's a dangerous transmutation, and I'm not going to drag someone into one of those against their better judgment. Not... Not again." 

There was a pause as Sylvan tried to suck in a breath and make his voice stop shaking while Kai looked at him with a pitying expression. Sylvan wondered if Kai knew what exactly he was referencing. Probably. Both their Als had lost their bodies, after all. But it was kind of sad to think that both Eds across two different worlds had dragged Al into the same transmutation. 

"We're both in this together, and I'm absolutely sure anything I tried would fail if I had to drag the second half of the equation into it kicking and screaming. So I will accept you saying we have to give up." Sylvan spoke slowly, taking in a deep breath and avoiding Kai's eyes as he spoke. But as he finished the sentence, he flicked his eyes up again and pinned Kai under a hard stare. "But I'm not going to sit here and coddle you while you refuse to accept the weight of what that really means. When we wake up, neither of us has any control of the decisions the other makes. It hurts less the sooner you just... Logically acknowledge what's happened to you. I'm not saying you have to accept it, but you have to not run away from the truth of what's happened."

Something about his words clearly struck some sort of nerve, because Sylvan could see the pain and fear flare in Kai's eyes for just a second before a wall was slammed up. "I'm not running away!"

Sylvan sighed and held his hands up in surrender. "Fine. But I'm not taking instructions from you on how to live my life."

It was odd how in a place that was basically non-existence, where nothing was physical, somehow Kai still managed to look as if the blood had drained from his face. "Y-You can't!"

Sylvan stared back at him, setting his mouth in a tight line as he did. "And what exactly are you going to do to stop me? Hop across worlds and shake me until I cut it out? How would you even know I'm not doing what you want? It's not like I have to talk to you every time we show up here."

Kai opened and closed his mouth several times before finally managing to stutter out, "You... You're just... You're just wanting to take over my life because things went better for me! You're jealous!" 

"I'm not the one who said to give up because it's too dangerous." 

"You... You said you wouldn't leave the kids!" 

"And I won't," Sylvan said with a sigh. "But I'm going to do this my way, not yours. If you're not comfortable with that, then we can go back to trying to find a way to switch back." 

It was odd, in its own way, that they were supposed to be exactly the same age, and yet Sylvan somehow felt like he was talking to a child. How could his own double be this oblivious? It was like he didn't want to experience any kind of danger, and yet part of him still expected that he would somehow be able to get home eventually. Like there would be some sort of magical solution, where everything would balance out somehow, where it wouldn't feel gut-wrenching and like he was losing something. 

His double still believed Equivalent Exchange was immutable, Sylvan realized. He hadn't dealt with losing everything and trying to find scraps of faith among the pieces. His experiences had only further hammered home the idea that if he just gave the right thing, he would always get what he wanted in return. 

Sylvan couldn't stop himself from flicking to a memory just at the realization, the white nothing shifting back to that damn golden ballroom that haunted his nightmares. And there was Kai, taking Sylvan's place in the memory, standing right in front of Dante. 

"Equivalence?" Dante said with a scoff. "Don't tell me you still believe that naive theory?"

"Sorry, sorry," Sylvan said, shaking himself out of the memory and making it dissolve away as quickly as it had appeared. "Just a random thought. You don't need to see that." 

Kai turned to look at Sylvan with a frown. "Are you just going to keep lying while we're here? Even when you agreed not to?"

"I..." Sylvan started, pressing his lips together and looking at his feet. "Just... Trust me, there's some stuff from my past you don't want to hear about."

"Oh, yeah, that's so helpful in this whole 'accepting what's happened and just going with it' thing," Kai said with a scoff and toss of his head. "How am I supposed to just accept stuff when I don't even know half of what's going on in the first place? I would think you would at least get how crappy it feels to have people protecting you from things like you're a child."

"If the shoe fits," Sylvan muttered with a roll of his eyes. 

"Excuse me?" 

"If the shoe fits!" Sylvan snapped. "You want to claim you're not a child? Then act like it! Adults don't believe that Equivalent Exchange is some sort of unbreakable law of the universe! Adults understand that there are going to be situations they come to sometimes where no matter what choice you fucking make, you lose. And they make the goddamn choice anyway! Children get the privilege of hiding their heads in the sand and pretending the world is fair and equal all the time!" 

"How can you call yourself an alchemist if you don't believe in Equivalent Exchange?" 

"How can you call yourself an alchemist if you do?" Sylvan said, then paused for a small snort. "Well. I suppose you don't call yourself an alchemist anymore, actually." 

Sylvan could feel the way his words splattered as they hit, like a rotten egg thrown against the ground at Kai's feet. He felt how his double tensed his shoulders and tightened his lips like it was taking every ounce of self-control he had not to lunge across the space and strangle Sylvan with his bare hands. He didn't really have hands anyway, just like Sylvan didn't have breath to get choked out of him, but, well. Kai was new to being dead, after all. 

The silence went on for a long moment, like Sylvan was daring Kai to try something, until eventually, Kai managed to relax some of the tense energy in his shoulders. But despite that, he still leveled a glare at Sylvan. 

"I don't like you." 

Sylvan let out a bark of a laugh and tossed his head. "Like that's a fucking surprise!" 

"What?" 

"I've hated myself for the majority of my life. Why should you be any different?" 

The words hit harder than Sylvan had intended. He had just been saying what seemed like a lighthearted joke in his head, like maybe they would be able to both laugh a little over and move on to the next part of the conversation. But instead, the words hit hard, Kai blinking at him with a stunned expression, and the words hanging in the air as Sylvan heard them repeat in his head over and over again. 

I've hated myself for the majority of my life.

"Ouch," Kai muttered, looking down as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I... I know that's how I talk in my own head all the time, but... Damn. It sounds different when you hear someone else say it." 

"I... Yeah," Sylvan muttered, looking away and staring at his own feet as well. He felt like he was supposed to be apologizing, like he had just admitted that he didn't really like Kai very much either. But what was he supposed to say, that he hadn't meant it? They both knew that would just be another lie. 

So instead they ended up both just standing there in silence, staring at their feet like two children who had just been scolded. 

"Look, I..." Sylvan sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck, dragging his face up to look at his double again. "I've been through... Well, not something exactly like this, but... I have an idea of what you're going through right now. And I know the urge to not try but still pretend everything will be fine is... so strong. But that's why I'm telling you not to do that. You just end up caught between two worlds, not really feeling like you belong where you are, but also feeling like you'll never get home, and... It's just a miserable place to be. It... It nearly killed me. So I'm telling you now. It hurts less if you just... Face what's happening and let yourself grieve now." 

Kai frowned, also flicking his gaze back up. "That's ridiculous. Why would I need to grieve myself?" 

"That's just what life is," Sylvan said with a shrug. "You spend a lifetime hurting and then grieving the fact that it hurt." 

When Sylvan—No, Ed—blinked his eyes open the next morning, it was to a feeling of emptiness. It wasn't the good kind of empty, like he'd spent the night crying and had gotten heavy feelings off his chest, but more the kind of empty where he felt hollow, like a piece of himself had been left behind in that damn void with Kai. Part of him had been left behind, he realized. He was never going to get to see Al and Noah again, and part of his soul would always be with them. 

A choked whimper pressed against the back of his teeth, and Ed swallowed it before it could fully come out. 

Now what.

Ed squeezed his eyes shut, just letting himself lay stretched out on the bed like he hadn't even woken up yet. What had he done the last time this had happened? What was it that he'd told Al years ago when he had been adjusting to the idea of Germany suddenly being home? 

At least then there had been a million differences, a whole new language to learn, new foods to try, different politics to learn. Something about that distance had been helpful, like he always had an anchor reminding him which place was home and which was new-home. But this? This was terrifyingly similar, and Ed had a feeling that he could slip into forgetting he was in another world entirely if he wasn't careful. 

But if he stayed too distant, he could just end up making yet another Al feel distant and invisible. Ed squeezed his eyes tighter. 

"Ed? Are you awake?" 

"Unfortunately," Ed muttered, cracking his eyes open again. Winry was leaning over him with a concerned expression. 

"Are you okay?" 

He opened his mouth, trying to think of any sort of answer to the question. What could even be said? It wasn't like he could just launch into breaking the news to her that her husband wasn't coming back while he was stretched out in their bed. It felt like he had already replaced his double, and it left a sour taste in his mouth. 

"It... It was a rough night," he finally managed. 

"Oh, nightmares again?" she said, her face morphing to pity. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"I..." Ed frowned and licked his lips. "It might take a minute."

"Well, it's Sunday, so I finally have a day off. And the kids still aren't going to be up for a little bit, either." 

He could almost imagine what all of this would have been like if he were actually Kai. Instead, she probably would have been announcing her day off with a grin, maybe a quick good morning kiss. There would have been plans made on fun things they could do together as a family, not just more discussion of terrible things. It would have actually been a fun day off, not just a relief that she would have the space to grieve before she had to talk to more clients.

"Uh..." He coughed and shifted so he was half sitting up, propped up on his elbows. "Let me get dressed first?"

"Sure," Winry pulled back, her hand hovering like she wasn't sure exactly what to do. Like there was some bit of affection she would have done normally, but she'd realized that he wasn't her Ed at the last minute. She ended up settling for giving his arm a light pat, and it made his heart ache. "I'm going to go see what options we've got for breakfast today." 

As he got dressed, Ed tried to go over the conversation in his mind. Hey, Win, terribly sorry, but my double decided it's too dangerous and he would rather just leave me to raise his kids than risk his life trying to get home to you. Even the thought of the sentence left a bitter taste rising in the back of his throat. 

He knew that somehow, his double was seeing this as avoiding becoming Hohenheim, because he was making sure his kids had a father and weren't left grieving. But to Ed, all he could see was Hohenheim, sickly sweet perfume and surface level-excuses being used to try and justify the rot underneath. To Ed, it didn't really matter that the kids were getting a father this way, what he saw was a father who'd turned his back on his family and was refusing to go home because of his own damn fear and pride. 

All the pain and hurt he felt over missing his own home was replaced by a small, hot ball of anger in the pit of his stomach. He was being forced to give up his own home, his own Al, and all because he couldn't convince the other half of the equation that it was worth trying, even if the risks were high. And because of that, he was forever stuck in this world that was just... off, like a shoe on the wrong foot. He was stuck being a muscular rock instead of a twig, stuck with a Mustang who'd apparently seen the Gate, stuck being the replacement for a cowardly father who made him ask too many questions about himself. It wasn't fair. 

And it especially wasn't fair that he was the one stuck breaking this news to Winry instead of Kai.

When he got down to the kitchen, Winry was opening and closing cabinets while humming, and it just made his heart ache a little bit more. She just had such a... mom vibe about her, and that made everything hurt twice as much. Would she shut down like his mom had over the grief of her husband never coming back? But he was there to help her, so maybe it would work out okay.

How could his double even choose something like this? How could they even be the same person?

"Winry..." he started, his voice clenching around the word and making it come out with a rasp. She turned to look at him with the same sort of soft, pitying smile she'd had earlier. He wondered if she would look at him like that for the rest of his life. But before she had a chance to say something, she was cut off by a red dog barreling into the kitchen and bumping hard against Ed's leg. 

He blinked as Winry laughed. Right, they had a dog. He had been so preoccupied with figuring out the world switch and alchemy and getting home that he hadn't even noticed the dog around much. Which meant it had been just one more thing on the list of things that Winry had tried to take care of without bothering him. 

"Oh, Lucky. She wants her morning walk. Ed usually takes..." Winry paused, a small frown flitting over her face before she shook her head and fixed her smile. "Hang on, I'll go get her leash and—"

"I'll take her." 

"Oh." Winry blinked. "You... You sure?" 

"Sure," Ed said with a careless shrug. "It's not as if I don't know my way around Resembool."

Okay, so that was half a lie. Sure, he knew his way around Resembool, but for one thing, it had been years since he'd seen it. Of course, he had walked through the rolling green hills every night in his dreams, so it wasn't as if that was actually a problem, but there was no guarantee that this Resembool was actually the same as his Resembool.

And besides, a walk would give him some extra time to try and figure out what exactly he was going to say to Winry. 

"I could come with you if you need," Winry said, still looking at him with that damned concerned expression. 

"Nah, it's fine. I'm fine."

"Ed..."

The way she spoke wasn't like it was a question of even the beginning of a thought. It was a reprimand, like she knew him too well to believe him when he said he was fine. Only Winry could somehow sound like she was concerned and lecturing and all in one single damn word. He ducked away from her eyes, the dog following his movements.

"Someone's gotta stick around in case the kids wake up, right?" he said with a half chuckle that didn't even convince him.

"I suppose," Winry said, sighing and putting her hands on her hips. "If you're going out... Do you think you could stop in town and pick up some food?"

God, the conversation was so normal it made his heart flutter with pain. How many times had he gone through the same conversation with Noah or Al, anyway? He swallowed the burning lump in his throat and nodded. "Sure, what should I get?"

"I don't know, is there anything you want? We're just low on food," Winry said, sighing and glancing back at the kitchen. "Usually every morning Ed went into town and..."

She trailed off, her eyes flicking back to him with a pained expression. Right, yeah. Of course she didn't really want to reminisce about her missing husband with the double who was currently occupying her husband's body. Ed tightened his lips and fumbled for the coat that he knew he had been wearing the first night he'd shown up.

"You know what, it's fine," he muttered, flicking his eyes to the ground as he pulled the coat on. "I'll just get some ingredients to cook something tonight."

"You don't have to..."

"You've been doing double duty to take care of me," Ed said, flicking his eyes back up to meet hers. "Please, let me do something for you now. You deserve someone who actually acts like a partner, not just a stranger who lives in your home."

Winry blinked at him, her mouth slightly hanging open like she wasn't sure what double meaning was hiding underneath his words. "O-Okay..."

"Okay," Ed said with another nod. He then turned and slipped out the door, Lucky at his heels. 

It hadn't really been an accident that Ed hadn't been outside the house much since he'd shown up. Just being back in the Rockbell house already filled him with so much of that particular brand of painful nostalgia that he hadn't been sure he could handle more. And the thought of finally seeing Resembool after so many years had filled him with a bit of dread. 

Resembool was the sort of place that hardly changed at all, even after this many years away. Even in an entirely different world. There were just certain points in the world that seemed like fixed points, pins through the fabric of time even through infinite space.

The perfect home for a time-traveling world hopper, really.

The morning market was just as bright and colorful and chaotic as Ed remembered it from when he was a child. There were all sorts of farmers out with stalls that proudly displayed a rainbow of fruits and vegetables. He could still remember coming with his mom to the same market when he'd been a child, holding tightly to her dress and watching with awe as she easily navigated between stalls, comparing prices and planning out what she was going to cook for the family. She had seemed so competent and so adult in a way that Ed had thought he would never be capable of. 

But he realized as he wove through the stalls, taking an inventory in his head, that he absolutely had become that capable adult at some point. He had gotten so used to dealing with food shortages and a lack of money that it had almost become second nature to figure out what the cheapest food was, which vendors looked like they could be talked into a better deal for an old friend, what meals could be made from what was most readily available. Somewhere along the way, he'd actually become like his mother, and the thought filled him with warmth. 

And then if filled him with a touch of sadness, because for him to recognize these tricks meant she had been going through a similar struggle. It must have been harder than she'd let on for a single mother of two to get by. 

Ed had a feeling his double wasn't anywhere near as strapped for cash as he'd been in Germany. It had been a while since he'd used cens, but he was slowly realizing that the 5,000 cens note he'd found in his pocket was enough to cover a lot of food. It almost felt like a dream compared to Germany, to realize that one note would send him home with as much food as his arms could carry. And that was just from spare pocket change! 

Which meant he probably didn't even need to budget in the first place, but... Whatever. Penny saved and all that nonsense. It was the only way Ed knew how to shop, anyway. That was the consequence of becoming an adult in the middle of a recession.

And as he compared recipes in his head, he suddenly realized that the cheapest recipe he knew was actually his mom's stew. Which maybe explained why she'd made it so much when they were kids. He'd tried to make the recipe a couple times back in Germany. Once to satisfy Alfons' curiosity, and another time as a nostalgic indulgence for his baby brother who finally had a body again. Both times, it had ended up far too expensive to make regularly. Trying to get the same spices his mom had used had been a nightmare of an expense, which meant the stew never quite had the right flavor. 

But in Amestris, of course it was easy to get Amestrian spices. Ed grinned to himself. 

Most of the ingredients were sitting snugly in his basket when he spotted someone selling almonds, and another idea occurred to him. He still remembered the time he had managed to scrape together enough spare money to buy three tiny pieces of marzipan for Noah's birthday. The way the marzipan had been shaped into tiny colorful fruits had been something Noah had been delighted by ever since she first saw the display in the shop. Ed had pulled strings with Fritz just to afford it, and then they had nibbled at it delicately, like the precious treat it was. It had been worth it just to see how delighted Noah had been, though. She still talked about marzipan as if it were some sort of food of the gods. Maybe Winry would like it too. 

"Do you know if anyone has das Marzipan?" Ed said, the word slipping out of him without thought. He frowned. Wait, no, of course it wouldn't be called a German word here. "Uh... Almond... dough? Almond paste?"

"What are you talking about, Edward?" the woman at the booth said with a laugh and shake of her head. "I have... almonds?"

Right. Ed pressed his lips together with a nod. Well, at least sugar was still cheap in this world, so he could make it himself. Marzipan was a pain because of how finely ground the almonds needed to be, but it would be worth it to introduce Winry to an amazing treat she'd never had before. "That's fine. I'll take... Er, 400 grams of almonds, then, I suppose."

"Of course, hun," the woman said with a smile as she started scooping almonds on the scale. "By the way, is everything okay? I haven't seen you around for a few days."

He did his best to give her a friendly grin and a shrug. "I was just a little... under the weather for a few days, so Winry told me to stay home."

"Oh, well, I hope you're feeling better now!" she said with a frown as she handed Ed the bag of almonds. He felt a pang of guilt at the fact that this woman was clearly familiar with Kai, but meanwhile, he didn't even know her name. "You make sure to take care of yourself. I don't know what we would all do if something happened to you!"

"Heh, yeah," Ed said, unable to meet her eyes as he stashed the almonds in the basket with his other ingredients. As he checked through the recipe for Marzipan in his head, he remembered another ingredient he would need. He glanced back up. The best place to get advice on a market like this was always from the people who worked there day after day. "Hey, which of these stands you think would give me the best roses?"

"Aw, what a good husband." The woman's eyes crinkled as she grinned at Ed, then pointed to his left. "You'll want Ada's. I swear I can smell her flowers from here."

"Thanks," Ed said, trying his best to swallow his grimace and smile instead. Of course she thought the roses were for Winry. Why wouldn't they be for Winry, anyway? He wasn't even supposed to be an alchemist, so he couldn't even claim them as science roses. And it would look weird if he tried to stammer excuses when Winry was supposed to be his wife, anyway. There wasn't supposed to be anything embarrassing about people assuming he was buying roses for her. 

He nearly wanted to disappear. He didn't feel like a husband. Or a father, for that matter. He hardly even felt like an adult. Was it always going to feel like this, like he was still just an intruder in someone else's life? Or would he eventually settle in and actually feel like he belonged here?

"Hi, Ada," he mumbled, biting his lip as he approached the young woman at the stall. Something about her was vaguely familiar, like maybe they had once both gone to school together a long time ago. "I need roses."

"Oh no," Ada said with a laugh as she turned to the flowers. "What did you do to your automail this time? Or... Or is there going to be another little Elric baby on the way?" 

Her eyes lit up with a mischievous glint, and Ed had to cough and turn his head away to hide the embarrassed splutter that nearly bubbled out of him. He hated that she wasn't even wrong. "No, no, I... It's okay if I use them for food, right? There's not anything on them?" 

"Oh, I would never," Ada said with a frown and shake of her head. "It's only the scammers who put rose scent on their flowers to make them sell better." 

Right, Ed thought, pressing his lips together. Pesticides weren't as necessary in a world that had alchemy. 

"So you're using these for cooking?" Ada said, frowning and she wrapped the bouquet of roses with brown paper. "Don't you think Winry will be disappointed if she sees you come home with these and then you rip them up?" 

Ed frowned and blinked. "Y'think she would?" 

"I would if my husband did that to me," Ada said with a shrug. 

"Well, I don't know," Ed said with a smirk. "I think you have a vested interest in selling me more flowers." 

"Fine, don't listen to me," she said, throwing her head back with a sharp laugh. "I'm not the one who has to share a bed with Winry at night!"

Ed paused, his eyes flicking over to the rest of the roses as Lucky nudged at the back of his knees. He rubbed the remaining bills in his pocket with a frown. It wasn't like he had to budget. And he certainly didn't want Winry to get disappointed just because he brought other roses home. Besides, from what Ada said, it sounded like getting roses was a tradition when Winry was pregnant, and she didn't deserve to miss out on that. "On second thought..."

"That's what I thought," Ada said with a smirk. 

Balancing a full basket of food, two bouquets of roses and an overactive dog was a little more than Ed had originally planned on, but somehow he and Lucky managed to make it work. Lucky was at least willing to listen to him babble about some of the interesting linguistic differences between German and Amestrian, which absolutely proved why pets were the best thing ever. 

But as they approached the house, Ed could just barely make out a figure sitting on the porch, staring off in the distance. 

"Uh oh," Ed muttered, looking down at Lucky. She looked up at him and tilted her head to one side. Ed nodded in Winry's direction. "Why don't you go take care of her?"

Lucky didn't need to be told twice, and was bounding off with a bark before Ed even had much chance to blink. Winry looked up and smiled and the whirl of red fur went charging towards her, Ed following behind with his coat catching on the breeze. 

"You got... roses?" she said in a soft voice once he was standing in front of her. 

"Uh, y-yeah," Ed said, scrambling to separate the two bouquets, holding one out to her like a peace offering. Peace offering for what, he didn't know. They hadn't argued and he hadn't broken the news to her yet. Maybe a pre-peace offering. "I needed some to make rose water, but I figured... Well, I didn't want you to get upset because I didn't bring any for you, a-and I guess it's supposed to be tradition for when you're pregnant or something?"

"Thank you," Winry said, standing up and taking the roses from him with a soft smile. "But I'm not an insecure teenager. You don't have to buy me roses. I'm not expecting you to be... him." 

"I-I know, but... I wanted to do it." 

Winry looked up from the roses, staring at him with a look that Ed didn't entirely understand, but it still somehow made him squirm. It was as if she was deeply sad and lecturing him with just her eyes all at once.

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why did you want to buy me roses?" Winry said, still staring him down. Ed winced and looked down at his feet.

"I just... I just thought you'd like them," he mumbled. "Sheesh, Win, I don't know."

She was silent for a long moment after that. Even looking at his feet, Ed could feel the way her gaze burned through him, and he resisted the urge to squirm. It wasn't like he had done anything wrong, after all. Friends could buy friends flowers without it meaning anything, right?

"Well, thank you," she finally said, her words stiff. Her legs shifted in a way that Ed could tell meant she was standing up. "I guess I should get these in water. Unless there was something you wanted to talk about?" 

Ed's mind flicked to everything he wanted to talk with her about and he opened his mouth and froze. He couldn't just tell her outright that her husband had died and then was choosing not to fight to come back just because it was dangerous. He couldn't watch her heart break like that. He couldn't accept that he was just stuck with this reality forever, not when it meant being separated from Al and Noah. 

Even for all his harsh words towards his double, he couldn't even listen to his own damn advice and accept the reality of the situation he was in. 

"I just..." he started, licking his lips as he looked up from his feet. Winry was facing away from him, one hand gripping the bouquet of roses and the other on the handrail of the porch steps. "I just thought that maybe I'd offer to take care of the kids today."

"What?" Winry turned to look at him with a frown. 

"You've just... You've been taking on so much extra work just to cover... me," Ed said with a weak chuckle. "I want... I dunno, I want to start pulling my weight around here more."

The hard, questioning look in Winry's eyes almost made him flinch a little. Fuck, her becoming a mom had made her powers even stronger. 

"That's all?" 

"T-That's all!" Ed stammered, holding his hands up defensively. She narrowed her eyes at him, and he bit back a yelp. 

"Why won't you tell me what's wrong with him?" Winry said, taking her hand off the banister to instead jab it at Ed's chest. The yelp managed to jump past his lips then as he took a step back. 

"No, no, nothing's wrong with him!" Ed rushed to say, the words spilling out. How did she even know? "He's just... We're just... How did you even...?"

Winry let out a huff, pulling her hand away from him to instead shake it towards the sky, as if she was begging some sort of higher power for assistance with the dumbass in front of her. 

"You've been wincing and making faces every time I as much as mention him today!" Winry started, and as she spoke, Ed could see the light catching on the unshed tears glimmering in her eyes. "You two might not be exactly the same person, but you both skirt around bad news the same damn way, Ed! Getting me roses? Saying I deserve a partner? Suddenly offering to take care of the kids?"

"Well, I can't just avoid being their dad forever just because I'm hoping we'll switch back any day now!" 

"What do you mean, forever, Edward? Winry said, her voice low as she tightened her fingers around the roses. The brown paper crinkled and twisted under her grip. She finally lost her battle against the tears in the corners of her eyes, and they slipped down her cheeks, splattering against the brown paper and leaving two tiny stains.  "Why today? Why are you suddenly acting differently? What did you find out?" 

Ed winced and looked away, not able to keep meeting her eyes, not when he could practically feel the pain radiating off her. 

"I'm not a child, Ed. Could you please just tell me the bad news?" 

"I..." Ed paused, licking his lips. He had made a promise to himself long ago that if by some miracle, if he ever got some sort of do-over with Winry, that he would do things differently. Better. He had fucked up by not letting her in on any of his problems, and he had always said that he wouldn't make that mistake again. 

But now that he was standing in front of Winry again, facing down the prospect of delivering information that would crush her heart... He suddenly remembered why he had made that choice again and again. He couldn't bear breaking her heart like that, couldn't bear knowing he had been the one who had caused her that pain. 

Still, he had to tell her something. She wasn't going to let him not say anything at this point. 

But that didn't mean he had to tell her the whole story. 

"It's not that bad, really," Ed mumbled, licking his lips. "We just... We just figured out that switching back is going to be more complicated than we thought. It might... It might be a while before we manage it." 

It wasn't a lie, not really. After all, switching back was more complicated than he had initially thought it would be. Now he was going to have to not only figure it out, but figure out a way to do it that was enough of a sure bet that he could talk his cowardly double into actually giving it a try. But he didn't have to give up on trying to find a way home, not when it hadn't been his decision in the first place. 

"And that's all?" Winry said, her lips tightening. Ed tried to swallow the uncomfortable feeling in the back of his throat. He wasn't doing anything wrong. He was telling the truth, after all. 

"Y-Yeah, that's it." 

Winry stared at him for a long moment before she finally sighed and turned to go back into the house. 

"Fine," she said in a soft voice. "Thanks for taking care of the kids today." 

Somehow, even though she seemed to be agreeing with what he'd said, even though it seemed like she was dropping the subject, something felt off. It felt like Ed had somehow given the wrong answer to something. Like she somehow just knew he wasn't telling the whole truth and she wasn't angry with him, just... disappointed. 

And something about that made Ed feel like he'd failed her. 

When Kai—No, Ed—blinked his eyes open the next morning, it was to a feeling of emptiness. It was like someone had reached into his chest and squeezed until his heart had exploded, and suddenly he was left nursing an empty chest cavity and wondering how he was even still alive. He stared up at the white ceiling, blinking and trying to get his thoughts in some sort of semblance of order before admitting he was actually awake. 

He wasn't going to see his family again. Not for himself, at least. Maybe he'd be able to get regular updates from Sylvan in his sleep, but he wasn't going to actually get to hold his own kids with his own hands again. He wasn't even going to get to meet the baby that was on the way. 

A choked whimper slipped past his teeth, and Ed squeezed his eyes shut.

"Ed? Are you awake?"

He found himself wishing he wasn't awake, that he could somehow just sleep endlessly until he felt actually ready to deal with consciousness. 

"Unfortunately," he croaked instead. He cracked his eyes open and turned his head to the side. Noah was sitting on the other bed, one leg crossed over the other as she bit her lip and leaned forward. It looked almost like she was trying to fold herself up and condense until she disappeared. Ed understood the feeling. He wanted to condense in on himself and become nothing but a lump of blanket. 

'So you were willing to give up on getting home just to go back to my life and do nothing?' Sylvan's voice hissed in his ear, so near and so real for a second that Ed jumped and looked around the room, half-expecting his double to just be there. 

But of course it was only Noah there. Because apparently it wasn't enough that Ed had jumped across worlds and traded bodies with another him, oh no, apparently he had to start hearing things too. He sighed and propped himself up on his elbows, looking over Noah as it suddenly clicked into place that something about that was different from the usual routine. 

"What're you doing in here, anyway?" he said, raising an eyebrow at her. "Isn't that supposed to be Al's bed?" 

"Well, Winnie was still here when I went to bed last night," Noah said, biting her lip and looking back over her shoulder towards the door. "And she thinks we're married, so..."

"Ah." 

He was cut off from saying anything else by a phone ringing from the other room. Ed didn't even budge from where he was under the covers. It wasn't his world or his life, after all. There were other people who lived in the house, and either of them could answer the phone. He probably wouldn't even understand whatever the person would be talking about, anyway.

And sure enough, the phone cut off in the middle of the second ring, and Ed could barely hear the murmur of Al's voice. He was burrowing deeper into the covers, thinking he was safe from the evil phone call when there was a gentle knock at the bedroom door. 

"Um, Ed?" Al said, sounding like he wasn't entirely sure of what he was doing. "The phone is, ah, for you." 

Ed groaned and pushed himself out of the bed. Apparently, the rest of the world wasn't getting the memo that he didn't want to exist today, didn't want to think, didn't want to do much of anything. If he didn't have to think, then he didn't have to think about everything he had lost. He didn't have to try and figure out if the guilty voice in the back of his head had a point in saying he had given up because he was a coward. 

"What am I even supposed to do about—" he mumbled as he went over to the bedroom door.

The words died on his lips when he opened the door and saw not only Al standing there, but also Winnie in the background, brushing out her hair. Right. It would be pretty awkward to try and have conversations about if he understood enough things to talk on the phone when they had someone who was basically a stranger around. 

"Right, thanks," he muttered to Al, running a hand through his bangs as he went over to the phone. Hopefully, he would know enough to survive whatever conversation. 

"I'm going to have to get going; I've got some important things to do today," Winnie said in that sort of half-whisper that people did when there was a phone call in progress. Ed almost wanted to turn to her and beg her not to go anywhere, not to leave him to deal with everything alone, but... But that would look weird when the two of them hardly even knew one another. "I hope it doesn't seem rude to rush out."

"Oh, of course not, don't let us keep you," Al said, giving her one of those beaming smiles that apparently was a skill of all Als. 

"Yeah, thanks for..." Ed paused, biting his lip as he looked at Winnie. She was so familiar it hurt. Was this going to be the last time he got to see her before she disappeared and ran back to America? What could he even thank her for that she would understand? Part of him wanted to wrap her in a tight hug and beg her not to leave him, not when he felt so alone and she felt so familiar. But that would be unfair to someone he had only just met. 

"Thanks for taking care of me," he finished in a soft voice. She gave him a bright smile and gave his shoulder a squeeze on the way out the front door as he picked up the phone. If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend it was the same sort of exchange he'd done a million times with Winry back home. 

"Hello?" he said, leaning into the phone with a ball of dread in the pit of his stomach. 

"Ah, good morning, my old friend! Alphonse said you had a bad fall last night, I trust you're doing better now?" 

"Uh... Yeah?" Ed said, frowning at the phone. Something about the voice on the other end of the phone was intensely familiar, but he couldn't place why. "Who is this?"

"Why, your dear friend Fritz Lang, of course!"

'There's this guy I've been working with who's trying to help us. His name is Fritz Lang. When he calls, just do whatever he says, okay?'

The name was familiar enough to snap Ed back to the instructions Sylvan had given him the night before. There was theoretically some reason he was going to not want to trust the guy, but Ed couldn't place why exactly. Or why his voice sounded familiar. Maybe it was just because he was tapping into his double's memories. Or maybe it was because Fritz was apparently the type of person to refer to people as "old friend." That was certainly enough to set Ed's teeth on edge. In his opinion, if you had to remind people you were their old friend, how friendly could the two of you really be?

"So word got around to me that you never came to see my latest film," Fritz continued, not seeming to notice the long pause from Ed's end. "I told you, I think you'd be really interested in some of the plot elements I decided to include in this one. It's my masterpiece."

Ed raised an eyebrow at that, even if it was a pretty useless gesture over the phone. This guy made movies? What kind of 'plot elements' would be so important that Ed would care about them, anyway? And what was his double doing anyway, to have this weird connection with a man who made movies?

"Right, well," Ed glanced around the room, and his eyes fell on the stockpot in the kitchen. His mind flicked back to how they had been having potato soup repeatedly, how he had been hungry when he and Noah had gone out the day before. "Somehow, I don't think money for movie tickets has been a top priority lately." 

"Well, that won't do, not when you were such a source of inspiration for this film," Fritz said, which just set off a whole other list of questions in Ed's head. "I'll tell you what, I'll leave a ticket for you at the theater today. I insist that you go."

Ed opened his mouth to protest, to say he had too many things on his mind, too many things to deal with. It didn't particularly feel like the right time to let himself be distracted with some sort of movie. But something about the way he'd said insist seemed important. And Sylvan had said he should do anything that this Fritz Lang guy said. Maybe that even applied to going to a movie, even if Ed couldn't entirely understand why. So he bit back his excuses.

"Uh... Sure. I'll be there." Ed said, frowning at the phone. 

"Excellent! The show's at seven tonight." 

And then there was a click from the phone, leaving Ed to stare at it as he realized that Fritz had just hung up on him without even saying goodbye. Ed blinked and shook his head before hanging up the receiver and turning to Al. "Uh... Fritz Lang wants me to go to a movie tonight?" 

"Huh. I wonder if Brother had some sort of job scheduled with him," Al said with a frown. Ed made a mental note to ask Sylvan about that the next time they talked. Al shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, but on noticing Ed's confused expression, he chuckled and added, "Mr. Lang is Fuhrer Bradley's doppelgänger, but he's... uh, good in this world." 

"Ah." Ed's mind flicked back to a certain hospital visit involving a very random melon delivery. "I guess the chaotic energy is the personality underneath the homunculus, then."

"Is it safe for Ed to go off for a job?" 

Al and Ed both turned at the voice to see Noah standing in the doorway of the bedroom, looking towards them with a frown. Al wrinkled his nose and looked back to Ed. 

"I think it's fine if he thinks he can handle it," Al said with a shrug, and Ed gave him a small smile. 

"It's no big deal," Ed said with a snort. "All he wants me to do is go see some movie tonight." 

"Uh, you should be warned," Al said with a frown and glance towards Noah. "Mr. Lang's jobs aren't... I mean. He doesn't ask Brother to do conventional jobs. He just knows that Brother can handle things that... Well, the average person can't. He's a good person, but a lot of what he and Brother do isn't... Um. It's not exactly illegal usually, but that's because there aren't really laws about most of the things they do." 

"Not usually illegal?" Ed said, raising an eyebrow. 

"Well. Sometimes it's outright illegal," Al said with a sigh.

Ed hadn't been particularly interested in going to a movie when he had so much on his mind, but hearing that the movie was lively a cover for an adventure was enough to change his mind. How long had it been since he'd snuck around doing "not exactly illegal" things, anyway?

"And other times it's only legal because no one thought to write any laws about dragons," Noah said with a snort. 

"Wait, dragon? Like, real breathing dragon?"

Noah nodded, and Ed found himself even more excited for that night. Apparently this Fritz Lang guy knew how to find the really cool, top-tier types of adventures. And even though he hadn't even wanted to crawl out of bed when he'd first woken up, Ed found himself actually looking forward to the day. What was this mysterious job going to be? What did Fritz mean when he'd said Ed had been an "inspiration" for the movie, anyway? 

Except he wasn't going to get to experience any of that until that evening, and Ed found that twisting in his gut. What was he supposed to do until then, anyway? He knew at some point he would probably have to actually talk about what he and Sylvan had agreed on the night before, even if he really didn't want to. He had to say something before Noah found it out by touching him on accident. 

But it also wasn't like he could just tell them "Hey, the other me isn't coming back and we essentially both died, now I'm off to this potentially-slightly-illegal-and-or-supernatural job! Byeee!" 

But it also felt wrong to keep it from them until after the job. After all, he had no idea what was even going to be required of him, or if it would be dangerous or anything. What if something happened that made him unable to tell them important news for a while? Like... If he had a bee sting him on the lips and his lips swelled shut so he couldn't talk until the swelling went down. That was definitely a thing that could happen. And definitely the most grisly option Ed wanted to even consider. 

He had forgotten in his excitement to have another adventure just how dangerous adventures really were. No wonder Winry had always been so upset with him when he'd come home with a million new scars and refused to tell her how he'd gotten them. 

"Oh, wow, it's snowing!"

He was pulled out of his own thoughts by Noah's voice. She was kneeling on the sofa, her nose pressed against the window. Al exchanged a grin with Ed before rushing over to the window himself. 

"I'm so glad I don't have to go to work! It must have been snowing all night! " Al said with a delighted laugh. And even though it had been years since the Promised Day, Ed still found that laugh carving a little warm nook in his heart. Al could just delight in the fact that he could actually experience snow, and there was something magical about that. How many years had they gone without that lighthearted sort of fun? 

"We should go out and build a snowman," Ed said with a grin of his own. "Like when we were kids." 

Noah pulled away from the window to shoot Ed a hesitant smile. "And me?" 

"Of course you too!" Ed said with a laugh. "What do you think 'we' is supposed to mean? You're family!"

He didn't feel like he knew Noah very well, but he at least knew himself. When he'd been faced with never going home, his first thoughts had been to make sure his family was taken care of. Sylvan's first thought had been Al and Noah. Which meant that no matter how Sylvan protested, he loved Noah deeply enough to consider her family. 

Coats were donned with giggles and wide grins, and for a minute, it almost really was like they were kids again, just excitedly running into the fresh snow. No worries about responsibilities or delivering terrible news, just plans of which hat would look best on the snowman. The air bit at them as they stepped outside, and Ed laughed and buried his face a little deeper in his scarf. 

He and Noah were caught in a debate over exactly what type of expression their new snowman should have when Al snuck up and managed to shove a handful of snow down Noah's coat. From there, it devolved pretty quickly into an all-out snowball fight between the three of them. Ed didn't have the heart to attack either of them as viciously as possible, and he soon found himself brutally punished for that decision, with Noah and Al pelting snowballs at him ruthlessly. 

It was almost easy to forget for a little bit that he was an entire world away from his family. He could just not think about the things he would still have to tell people, the realities he would eventually have to face. 

His thoughts were cut off as a snowball from Al smacked into Noah, and she went stumbling backwards with a laugh. Ed didn't notice quickly enough to get out of the way, and she ended up stumbling backwards into him, making them both tumble to the ground in a heap. As they fell,  the snow flew in front of Ed's face, and for a terrifying second, he thought he had managed to go back to the same void space he dreamed of every night. 

The thought of it hit him so hard that for a moment it was all he could do to just lay in the snow, trying to will the memory away. 

"Are you two okay?" 

And then he had to snap back to reality, trying to behave like nothing was wrong, putting his hands out to help Noah sit up. But when he sat up and had his eyes meet with hers, he could suddenly see that her eyes were filled with unshed tears. 

"Why did Ed ask you to tell me and Al that he loved us?" she said, her voice wobbling on the words. Al frowned and turned to look at Ed with her, a million questions written across his face. 

Ed resisted the urge to groan and hang his head. There really was no keeping secrets when there was a psychic in the family, was there?

If Noah were Winry, he knew she'd be giving him a whole lecture on keeping secrets on not telling her everything. But because she was Noah, she was just sitting there looking like her entire world was crumbling apart, and that ripped him apart in a completely different way. Not to mention that Al was now also paying close attention to him, both of them waiting for his answer. 

But how was he supposed to deliver information that he knew might break their hearts? It still hurt too much for him, it was hard to even think of seeing them go through the same pain. 

'Look, if we're just going to give up on finding a way home, then it doesn't help to pretend that's not what we're doing,' Sylvan hissed in his ear, and Kai scowled. Was he just going to be stuck with his double's voice as some sort of conscience from now on? Ed closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, trying to let the cold wrap around him, like perhaps it could squeeze out his sadness. 

"We just..." Ed licked his lips and opened his eyes, but stared at the ground. He couldn't look them in the eyes. "We just figured out it's going to be harder than we thought to switch back. We don't know how long... So we both were talking about what to do if we... don't switch back." 

The silence that followed his words was thick and heavy, even without him looking them in the eyes. Eventually, the silence got to Ed enough that he dragged his head up to look at Noah sitting on the ground in front of him. Her expression looked stunned, as if she had just been slapped across the face, and as the words seemed to sink in, her face morphed from shocked to angry, leveling a glare at Ed. 

"No, you can't!" she said, reaching out and shoving at his shoulder. "You can't just give up! He has to come home!" 

Well. Her being angry with him wasn't great, but he had already dealt with Noah being mad at him once before. But Sylvan had been worried about Al's reaction, like Al had nearly lost it the last time they had been separated or something. So Ed instead focused his attention on Al, whose fists were clenched tightly as he stared at the snow. 

"Al?" Ed whispered. 

When Al turned to look at him, it almost made Ed flinch a little. Something about the expression was familiar, but not because he had ever seen it on Al's human face. He recognized it somehow, even though he had only seen a suit of armor look at him with that kind of outrage and fury. And then it was wiped away, carefully, like Al was peeling the emotion away and carefully replacing it with a soft grin. 

"You're wrong," Al said, and when the words came out, they were just a couple shades too sweet. "There's no such thing as not coming back for Brother. He didn't let being worlds apart keep us separated last time, and he won't let it happen this time. He'll come home." 

And something about the way Al said it, despite it being cheerful as sweet, left Ed feeling uneasy and scared to contradict him. So instead he settled for just nodding as he got to his feet. 

"Right, yeah. He'll... He'll come home." 

Chapter Text

After Winry had put the roses in some water, she ran off without a word to some other part of the house. There wasn't even a slammed door like Ed would have expected when they were kids. Something about that almost hurt even more than if she had just been mad at him. 

Ed meanwhile, decided to set himself to work on making breakfast. If he kept moving, kept focusing on things that needed to be done, then maybe the sadness wouldn't have a chance to catch up with him. So he set out a pot of oatmeal to simmer on the stove and then set to work on extracting the rose petals from the second bouquet of roses. 

There was something to be said about how therapeutic it was to rip apart roses in the midst of deep sadness, Ed decided. 

As he worked, Ed found his mind wandering over to thoughts of whether his Winry had grown up to be like this one. Granted, a lot of what he knew of this Winry was based around the life she'd built here, being a wife and mother and freaking awesome automail mechanic. Meanwhile, all Ed could remember of his Winry was how he'd been surprised at how much she'd changed while he'd been in Germany. They'd still both barely been teenagers then. Hell, that was probably all he would ever know of his Winry. She would forever be frozen in his memories as a teenager, even though she had to be... What, twenty-two now? 

But what would be different between them? Last he'd seen his Winry, she'd been wearing her hair differently and wearing different clothes. Obviously Kai's Winry had made different choices. Something about her was so different from the Winry he remembered. She didn't have that thin veener of sadness, after all. 

He would never be able to picture his Winry past eighteen. Hell, even picturing her at eighteen was hard. He'd only managed to see her for a couple adrenaline-fueled moments before he had been running off and leaving her behind forever. 

(Because apparently no matter how much he fought it, he'd still just ended up becoming his dad. The man who left and kept leaving.)

And then it occurred to him that the same thing was going to happen to him with Noah now. She was going to keep getting older, and his memories were going to forever be stuck at this moment in time. He wasn't going to know what she looked like with crow's feet or laugh lines, and something about that... hurt. Something about it hurt so badly that he had to take a minute to suck in a breath, clutching at the counter as a couple tears slipped down his cheeks. 

Keep moving. Just keep moving. The sadness can't hurt you if you always stay two steps ahead of it.

Ed did his best to shake the tears off as he scooped the rose petals into a small pot to simmer next to the oatmeal, then moved his attention to the almonds. It suddenly occurred to him that he was going to have to grind all four hundred grams of almonds as finely as possible. Which would potentially take hours.

Yeah, screw that.

Ed pulled out a small bowl and a bottle and set them on the counter. He poured the almonds into the bowl, and then after a moment of thought, he clapped his hands together and flooded the kitchen with blue light. When the light died down, he was left with a bowl of almond flour and a small bottle of almond oil.

"I'm gonna keep forgetting I can do that," he muttered with a snort, the corners of his lips twitching upwards. Once upon a time, he could remember when it had felt like torture when he had first been adjusting to life without alchemy. It was kind of weird to look back and realize that he had once relied on alchemy for almost everything. He'd been annoyed that he couldn't use it to clean his clothes, cook his food, even heat his shower faster. Now he had been living without it for enough years that it felt petty to use it even to avoid hours of grinding almonds. 

He was interrupted out of his thoughts by a groggy Teddy coming into the kitchen and demanding to know what was for breakfast. And from that point forward, it got easy to get swept up in the mundanities of family life. Zaza wasn't far behind Teddy, and then both kids needed to be set up with bowls of oatmeal and slices of toast. 

It really did feel like Ed was actually managing to get better at the whole thing. For one, he had definitely learned his lesson about giving Teddy control of pouring anything sugar-related, so Ed made sure he was the one to add sugar to the oatmeal. And that was only after a couple days of trying to pull off this whole "dad" thing. Where would he be in a few years? What kind of dad had Kai been before...?

Once they had gotten through breakfast, Ed set Zaza up with some crayons and paper, and then convinced Teddy to join him in the kitchen to make the marzipan. It was at least an easy enough process once the rose water was made and the almonds were ground, mostly just a matter of mixing ingredients together into a paste. Something that a toddler could actually help out with. 

"We making... Mary's pan?" Teddy said, watching intently as Ed kneaded the dough with his fingers. 

"It's called marzipan, buddy," Ed said with a laugh. 

"What's... man-zie-pin?"

"It's... candy," Ed said, shaking his head with a grin. He then pinched off a piece of the dough and handed it to Teddy. "Here, try it."

The toddler popped the candy into his mouth without much thought, his eyes widening in delight as he chewed. He immediately held a couple hands out to Ed in a clear indication of asking for more now. Ed laughed again and handed over another small piece. Because sugar wasn't being rationed here, and he couldn't resist the chance to finally be a little indulgent. He couldn't remember the last time he'd just had fun with a little kid—

Well, no. Scratch that. He could definitely remember. There was no forgetting Nina, after all. 

Perhaps that was why he was so scared of the thought of kids. Ed frowned a little as the thought occurred to him. Aside from the obvious issues he'd gotten from his dad, of course. But even without counting his dad, he hadn't exactly had amazing experiences with little kids. There had been Nina, obviously. Elicia had been nice at first, but after her dad was gone, he hadn't known how to face her, not it when it was his fault. And then, of course, there was Rosé's baby.

He'd never even learned the baby's name, but Al had told them when they'd been reunited that Rosé had ended up naming the baby Edward. Al had gotten to actually see the baby grow up to be a toddler, and Ed had always felt a little jealous for that, though he couldn't exactly explain why. Then again, he still had nightmares of the baby being held high above the ground in the mouth of a giant stone snake even years after the fact. And then the poor kid had been named after him too. He just wanted to know that Rosé's kid had grown up to be okay.

The thought suddenly occurred to him that maybe he could actually get a chance to meet the kid. Well, maybe not the exact kid, but at least meeting a double would give Ed a chance to be reassured that everything had ended up okay. Sure, this was a different timeline where things had gone differently, but... But Rosé still had to have a kid, right? Sure, Dante hadn't been able to threaten the baby on the—what had Mustang called it, again? The Promised Day? But even in a world without Dante, Rosé still had to have a kid, right?

After all, the military was still corrupt here too. It wasn't as if she would have been able to avoid—

Ed shuddered and decided not to think too hard on why Rosé was a mother.

"More, Daddy!"

He jerked out of his thoughts and back to the kitchen, where Teddy was frowning, his hand outstretched for marzipan. Ed felt himself jerked out of the melancholy mood he had been slipping into, and he laughed at the sight of the angry toddler. 

"Yep, you're definitely my kid." 

"You know," he said. "The fun thing about marzipan is that you can use it like clay. So we're going to make it into something cool for your mom. If you eat it all, we won't have a present for her."

Teddy seemed excited at the idea, so Ed brought the marzipan out to the dining table, along with various tools to shape it into fruits and vegetables. Ed didn't honestly expect Teddy to be able to make tiny, delicate fruits like marzipan usually was, but it was at least a fairly quiet way to keep him and Azami occupied for a bit.

Ed taught Teddy how to roll the marzipan into a rough oval shape, then roll it through cocoa powder to make it look like a potato. Teddy was absolutely delighted at the concept and immediately set out to make an entire field of potatoes. Or at least, that would be the plan if it weren't for the fact that he kept popping his work in his mouth with a declaration that Ed couldn't get mad because Teddy was "eating his vegetables." 

Definitely, definitely his kid. 

Zaza, meanwhile, was content to just play with a small lump of marzipan, poking her fingers into it and squishing it. And even more bonus points for the fact that it was perfectly safe if she ate her clay, which meant that Ed didn't have to watch her like a hawk. So he grabbed the food coloring and set about making tiny fruits and vegetables. Some of them were fruits that he didn't even have Amestrian words for, like Bananen and Orangen. It wasn't like he'd had much chance to eat tropical fruits in a landlocked country growing up, so he hadn't even known such fruits existed until he'd wound up in Germany. 

As he worked, his thoughts kept drifting back to wanting to see Rosé and her baby. Maybe... Maybe partly influenced by the pang he got in his heart every time he thought of Noah. He knew that Rosé would never be Noah and Noah would never be Rosé, but... But it would at least be nice to see her face. It would be nice to pretend he'd gotten a chance to properly say goodbye. And it would also be nice to catch up with Rosé. 

The only trick was figuring out how to get in contact with her in the first place. It wasn't like he could just hop on a train to Lior, and even then, he couldn't know for sure that she was there. 

Then it suddenly hit Ed that Mustang had said he was staying at the embassy. Which meant there was a government building in town, and there was bound to be some sort of records or something that might be able to give him a clue. And sure, he couldn't wave around a pocket watch and get everyone to do his bidding anymore. But it still seemed like he had a fair amount of influence, so surely they'd be willing to let him just look up a phone number, right?

And if they weren't willing... 

Well. It wasn't public knowledge that he'd gotten his alchemy back. 

Once the marzipan had been packed away and stashed in a cupboard where Teddy wouldn't be able to reach, Ed went off through the house to find Winry and tell her his plans to check out the embassy. It was an innocent enough explanation. He hadn't had an embassy in his Resembool, so he was curious about what it was like. Which was true. But somehow, despite his vow that he wouldn't hide things from Winry if he were given a second chance, somehow he still ended up hiding his real reason for going from her. To be fair, he wasn't sure there was any good way to spin that he wanted to go to the embassy so he could look up the phone number of his girlfriend's doppelgänger. 

Well. If Noah even counted as his girlfriend. She had kissed him, sure, but he hadn't exactly given her a very warm reception in return. And it wasn't like they'd actually had any sort of conversation about their relationship after that. He wouldn't have normally counted her as his girlfriend, but he was pretty sure that was what Winry would call Noah if he tried to explain their relationship.

Which was exactly why when he told her he was going to the embassy, he left out the part about wanting to find Rosé's number. He instead opted for saying that he had something he needed to tell Mustang. Which was completely true, but somehow he still felt guilty, knowing he was hiding some of his intentions from Winry. 

It was just him looking up the number of an old friend, though. It wasn't anything particularly bad or scandalous. And yet he somehow felt guilty. And yet he couldn't bring himself to tell her. 

Apparently, the kids loved visiting the embassy anyway, so Winry thought it was a great idea. Something about how there was a really nice playroom there to accommodate when the Xingese emperor brought some of his children along. Ed was pretty sure that wasn't a usual feature of embassies, but it seemed like a smart addition, in his opinion. 

There was mention of how they would bring a car out for him if he called and was willing to wait, but Ed insisted otherwise. For one, he wanted a chance to decide what he was going to do when he got there, and for another, Resembool was just made for walking. Some of his fondest childhood memories were from traipsing back and forth all over the countryside. It seemed like he was robbing Teddy and Zaza of something if they only got to experience Resembool from the backseat of a car. 

Teddy very much seemed to agree with that assessment, happily bouncing forward on the path and asking for the names of every flower, tree, and animal he laid eyes on. Zaza seemed mostly content with sitting on Ed's shoulders and nuzzling against his hair as she watched the landscape in the distance. 

The embassy was a little off the beaten path, near an old forgotten barn that Ed could remember once being a playground for him and Al. He wondered if that wasn't just a coincidence, if perhaps the place had been suggested because Kai remembered playing there as a kid too. Had Kai given suggestions when he found out that there were plans to build an embassy in Resembool? Hell, had he been the one to suggest Resembool as a potential location in the first place? Sure, Resembool was one of the closest spots in the country to Xing, but it still seemed a little odd to Ed to have an embassy built in such a small town. Wouldn't the people in charge want to show off a flashier, bigger city to foreign diplomats? 

Ed was expecting the same sort of dreary square buildings that he had gotten used to for military headquarters in Amestris, but instead, the embassy building turned out to be much prettier, with massive pointed archways and elaborate, colorful tiling. It was downright beautiful, but not the Amestrian architecture Ed was used to seeing. It also didn't seem exactly like what he could remember of Xing. Though then again, he had never even been there and he was working with pretty old memories. 

And, as much as he hated to admit it, he wasn't in his world, no matter how much it felt like it sometimes. Plenty of things could change between parallel worlds, so there was nothing to guarantee that both Xings would have a similar style. 

"Oh, Mr. Elric!" the receptionist said as soon as they walked through the door. It just further cemented the idea in Ed's mind that Kai had managed to become an Important Person somehow, even without being Fullmetal anymore. Ed wasn't sure how exactly how the pieces fit together, since being a foreign diplomat of some sort didn't seem like something he would be good at. 

"Did your dad bring you to play in the playroom?" the receptionist said, coming over and crouching down to help Teddy with his coat. Teddy beamed. 

"Yeah!" 

"Awesome," the receptionist said, taking Teddy's coat and then straightening up to take Ed and Zaza's coats as well. He flashed Ed a grin. "And I'm assuming you want to see the fuhrer?" 

Ed resisted the impulse to let his jaw drop to the floor at that particular nugget of information. Kai was definitely an Important Person if he could just show up at the embassy and have people assume he was there to see the fuhrer. Because he apparently met with the fuhrer often enough to assume that. If he wanted to get Rosé's number, then it could pay off that he was apparently chummy with the leader of the country. So Ed swallowed his surprise and nodded. 

"Sure. And Mustang too, if he's around." 

The receptionist laughed, shaking his head at Ed. "Right. Good one." 

Ed blinked at first, but then nearly laughed himself. Right. Mustang was always avoiding work every chance he got. He was probably hiding out somewhere away from the embassy to avoid a stack of paperwork. Probably off in a local pub or something and claiming he was "researching" the local customs. Whatever. It wasn't like he was integral to Ed's plans anyway. 

Thankfully, a woman in a military uniform came to escort them to the playroom, so Ed didn't have to figure out some clever way to cover up why he didn't know where it was. And the playroom turned out to be just as impressive as everyone had said it was. It seemed like the emperor's kids had to be pretty close in age to Teddy and Zaza, since most of the toys seemed more suited to toddlers. Teddy immediately went over to a rocking horse, giggling as he leapt on its back. Zaza, meanwhile, had let out an earsplitting shriek at the sight of a tent that was made to look like a house.

"Toy house, daddy! Toy house!"

Ed blinked at the words, trying to place if he had even heard Zaza speak before then. She had to be old enough that those surely weren't her first words, but he had admittedly been distracted enough by Teddy's chatterbox tendencies that he hadn't thought to question the fact that Zaza hardly spoke. Was that normal for her age? Ed couldn’t entirely be sure, since he hadn’t particularly taken note of when kids were supposed to hit developmental landmarks. He made a mental note to ask Winry about it later.

Still, if Zaza was actually talking just because she had seen her favorite toy, then the toy had to be pretty important to her.

So he found himself watching from a short distance away as she played, first going through the house and opening the curtains on every single window, then going through and closing the curtains again. It was all very... methodical. It almost made Ed laugh a little. He had been so preoccupied with Teddy's rambunctiousness and love of alchemy that he hadn't even recognized how much Zaza was also like him. She had that same analytical, curious mind.

“Knock knock,” Ed said, moving forward and tapping at the flap of fabric painted like a door. A tiny face appeared in the window, and Ed grinned at her. “Can I come in?”

Zaza frowned for a moment like it was a difficult decision, then grinned and held open the fabric door for him. Ed grinned back at her and hunched down to crawl into the tent house. It was a little smaller than preferable for him, but downright huge and roomy as far as Zaza was concerned. There was a small chair in one corner, and Ed managed to maneuver so he was sitting in it, his knees going up to his chin. Zaza, meanwhile, had gotten preoccupied with a toy kitchen on the opposite side of the house.

"Oh, are you making me food?" Ed said, leaning to see what she was doing. Zaza nodded enthusiastically, and Ed couldn't help but grin at the gesture. Okay, so maybe he didn't entirely feel ready to suddenly get thrust into his doppelgänger's life of being a dad, but he had to admit that it was pretty easy to love Zaza and Teddy. Maybe that was some sort of genetic instinct. Or maybe it was because he'd always had a soft spot for kids. 

"Can you cut my food into triangles?" Ed said, remembering how Zaza had wanted that for her own pancakes the other day. Maybe him imitating her would help them bond a little bit, help her see that just because he didn't remember that time didn't mean it was an unreasonable request. 

When Zaza turned to him with a plate of food in her hands, she was positively beaming. And for a moment, Ed thought that maybe he could actually be okay at this whole dad thing. He still wanted to find a way to try and convince Kai to actually try switching back, but maybe he actually would do okay with the kids in the meantime. 

And then the plate was thrust in his hands, and Ed found himself looking at a mermaid doll on a plate, yellow clay spread over her tail like butter. 

"Um..." Ed started, not sure what response was even appropriate. Part of him was a little weirded out at the thought of eating anything even slightly humanoid, but... Another part of him just wanted to laugh at the situation. Zaza had just seen a fish tail and decided that meant mermaids were food. So it was different logic from the rest of the world, but it was still logic. It just seemed like further proof that the two of them were related. 

Zaza then reached out with a plastic knife and fork and pretended to cut at the mermaid, making triangle shapes through the "butter." As she cut, she made screaming sounds, and it took Ed a minute to realize that the sounds were supposed to be coming from the mermaid. 

"O-Oh, she's still alive, huh?" Ed said with a nervous laugh. The confidence he'd had just a minute ago about his parenting was rapidly fading. Was he supposed to say something about this, intervene in some way? Or would that just discourage her from playing and being creative?

"Fullmetal?" 

Ed almost breathed a sigh of relief at the easy excuse. It was almost funny, that of all things and people, he was considering hearing Mustang calling for him some sort of salvation. That was apparently just how tricky parenting was, that even Mustang was easier. 

"Sorry Zaza, I've got to go," he said, holding the plate back out to her. "Would you like my, ah... food?"

Zaza proceeded to take the plate from him, pantomiming snarfing down the mermaid faster than he had seen Zaza eat any real food. Ed decided to count his blessings that at least the mermaid didn't seem to be screaming anymore, and with that, crawled out of the tent to face Mustang. 

"Figures that you would get here before—" Ed started, but then froze when he straightened and suddenly got a full view of Mustang's uniform, including the four golden stars on his shoulder. There was only one person in the entire military who got to wear four stars.  Ed paused, raising an eyebrow and smirking as he made eye contact with Mustang. "So... Fuhrer. Is your rank the real reason why you showed up at the house in civvies?"

Mustang snorted, looking at the assistant who'd led Ed to the playroom from the corner of his eye. "No, it was to ditch the annoying bodyguards. Now, was there an actual reason you decided to come here and waste my time today, Fullmetal?"

Right. Ed had actually come here for information, and if Mustang was actually the fuhrer here, then that simplified matters a little bit. At least, as long as he could talk Mustang into going along with his plan. 

"I need a phone number," Ed said, taking in a breath. "A girl I met in Lior. I was hoping maybe she had a file in military records."

Mustang raised an eyebrow at Ed, but otherwise didn't ask any further questions, instead turning to face the woman in a military uniform who was standing at rest by the door of the playroom. 

"Lieutenant Harris, could you keep an eye on the Elric kids for a few minutes?" he said, and she immediately snapped to attention. "It appears that I've been pulled away from my work because Fullmetal can't manage his own social life."

"Yes, sir," Harris said, snapping a salute. Mustang nodded at her, then strode towards the door, making another nod with his head for Ed to follow. 

Once they were safely out in the hall, Mustang didn't turn to look at him, but murmured in a low tone, "Am I correct in assuming that this contact of yours might be able to help with... your current situation?" 

"Ah..." Ed swallowed a lump in his throat, staring at the tiled floor as they walked. He already felt bad enough about the fact that he'd hidden the purpose of his visit from Winry. He didn't know how to admit that he actually had pulled the fuhrer, of all people, away from work just so he could look up an old friend. For once, the jab Mustang had thrown at him as a coverup was absolutely correct, but Ed didn't particularly feel like admitting it. But it wasn't like Rosé absolutely couldn't help with "the situation," right? Part of the situation being the fact that he somehow had to figure out a way to convince Kai not to give up on switching back. Maybe he could figure out more about his double's emotional state if he learned more about where in their lives they had diverged. Ed rubbed at the back of his neck. "Well. I'm hoping she can help." 

Mustang hummed at the answer, but didn't protest, so Ed decided to take that as a positive sign. 

They walked the rest of the way through the halls in silence, Mustang's shoes making a soft clipping sound against the floor, while Ed walked like a quiet elephant, as usual. After enough turns that Ed was pretty sure he'd lost track of where he was, Mustang finally led him to a door, pulling out a set of keys and unlocking it. He flicked the light switch on as he opened the door, revealing rows of filing cabinets. 

"These are the low-level access files," Mustang said with a nod toward the cabinets. "If the file's not here, we're going to have to figure out a... more creative solution. Do you know enough information to identify that you have the right person?" 

"I doubt too many details have changed about her here," Ed mumbled, leaning to look at the labels on the filing cabinets as he started walking down the rows of dull metal. The two of them had a moment of silence as Ed focused on finding the filing cabinet reserved for T surnames. Just as he managed to find it, Mustang cleared his throat. 

"You seemed fairly surprised at my rank," he started as Ed pulled open one of the drawers. "Did the... ah... alternate me... Was he not interested in...?" 

Ed had to bite back a laugh. It was more predictable than rain in April. Tell people there was another world with doppelgängers of everyone, and their first question was always, "So, what's the other me like?" Every. Time. Really, Mustang had better self-control than most, considering he had been able to hold off on the question for an entire day. Ed turned away from the filing cabinet to look at Mustang with a snort. 

"Nah, he wanted to be fuhrer too," Ed said, shrugging. "But last I saw him, he was a corporal, so... Not sure how that's working out for him." 

"C-Corporal?" Mustang spluttered, his hand flying to his chest as if he were a Victorian woman about to have a fainting spell. As if it were downright offensive how low of a rank his double had. Ed hid his amused smirk by turning back to the filing cabinet, thumbing over the tops of the folders. "How the hell did he get demoted below the rank of a State Alchemist?" 

"Oh. Well." Ed paused, the amusement slipping from his face as he frowned at the files. He had apparently overshot "Thomas" by a bit, and he was instead somewhere around the Tr's instead.  "According to Al, he kind of... stopped doing alchemy for a while. I mean, he was doing it when I saw him, but he probably hadn't passed the yearly exam in a while, so..." 

Ed hadn't even seen firsthand all the things that he was explaining back during the few minutes he had been reunited with the Mustang from his world. And somehow, it still felt like a leftover knot that had been left untied. Had Mustang gotten re-approved to be a State Alchemist? Had he even stayed with the military? He'd only heard bits and pieces from what Al had managed to notice, but it sounded like the old man had gotten warier about trusting anyone high up in the military. Maybe he'd finally gotten to the point of worrying how much blood he'd have to dirty his hands with just to attempt to atone for the blood that had first stained his hands. 

He didn't entirely like admitting it, but he regretted that he had never gotten a chance to actually hear Mustang's thoughts on the whole matter. There had been too many people he hadn't gotten to say goodbye to, too many knots left untied.

As he thought about it, his eyes went back to the filing cabinet, falling on the name "Trilling" near his thumb. And the thought of things that had been left unfinished combined with the surname, and Ed had a sudden flash of inspiration, flicking his thumb through the files with purpose until he found a file marked with a familiar last name. 

Tringham, Russell. 

Ed let out a devious chuckle. "Got you, you son of a—"

"Is that who you were looking for?" 

"Nah, mostly just curious," Ed said with a shrug as he flicked the file open. 

Mustang frowned and raised an eyebrow as Ed skimmed over the contents of the folder. "Need I remind you that you don't actually have the same permissions as a State Alchemist?" 

"I don't remember turning in my resignation," Ed said with a smirk and shrug as his eyes trailed further down the paper.

Suspect was found trying to convince bank officials to loan him large amounts of money for bio-alchemical experiments. When asked for military identification, subject presented a counterfeit watch and attempted to claim he was the Fullmetal Alchemist. Having heard of the Fullmetal Alchemist's retirement, the bank teller alerted military police for attempted fraud. Further investigation revealed that he had never actually possessed the title and was in fact attempting to impersonate an officer.

Ed let out a strained, almost hysterical bark of a laugh at the information. He couldn't entirely pinpoint whether he was laughing because it was honestly hilarious or because there wasn't much else to do in the face of such a hopeless mess. On the one hand, it seemed that the Russell Tringham of this world had never run into his double, so it wasn't like Ed could claim the guy should know better. 

But... On the other hand, just how many times was Ed going to find this guy stealing his identity yet again?

Silence fell over the room as Ed flicked through the file, curious about what exactly Russell had been studying in the first place. He still didn't have a total grasp of how exactly everything had ended up happening in this world, but Mustang had expressed confusion when Ed had brought up the concept of red water. Which led Ed to guess that perhaps red water just didn't exist in this world. But if there was no red water, what had Russell been studying that required him to steal a State Alchemist's identity?

(Again.)

"So..." Mustang started after a minute, but before he could finish the thought, Ed was cutting him off, jabbing at the folder with his finger. 

"Wait, this guy is actually really useful! It says that he was using plants as some sort of research into... Hive minds and parallel worlds? What the... I have no idea what he's on about..." Ed muttered, leaning forward and squinting at the text. He then paused and shook his head. "It doesn't matter. He's smart, so if he's researching this stuff, he might have some idea of what we should do." 

"Well, that's convenient," Mustang muttered, frowning and stepping forward to look at the file himself, as if he didn't believe what Ed was saying. "How would plants be connected to parallel worlds, anyway?" 

"He's a scientist. I'm sure he'll be more than happy to talk our ears off explaining exactly why they're connected," Ed muttered with a snort and roll of his eyes. He then dug around in his coat pocket, pulling out a pen and small pad of paper, jotting down the phone number in Russell's file before slotting it back into its spot in the filing cabinet. 

He wasn't sure whether to be grateful or worried that the military actually did have a file on Rosé. On the one hand, it made it that much easier for him to actually contact her, but on the other hand, it meant there was reason for the military to have a file on her. Not to mention, that it meant people besides him were able to find her. Ed wasn't sure how he felt about that. 

He frowned and shook his head, turning his attention to jotting down the phone number in her file instead. It wasn't like she was actually his Rosé. And she definitely wasn't Noah, no matter how he sliced it. 

When had he gotten to be such close friends with Noah, anyway?

"Rosé Thomas, huh?" Mustang said, leaning over the file. "She's not even an alchemist. You're sure she can help?" 

"She helped plenty in my world," Ed said with a frown, snapping the file shut. 

Mustang frowned and took a step backward, and Ed suddenly realized that there was a weird sort of air between them that hadn't been there with the Mustang in his world. It had been so damn easy to talk with the Mustang in his world when he had gone back, falling into the same habits that he'd had since he was a teen. But here, it was different somehow. And apparently, Mustang sensed it too. It was like there was suddenly a glass wall between them, reminding them that the other person wasn't from their world, that they didn't entirely know what they could get away with saying or not. It was odd, in a way, because he hadn't felt that same awkwardness with Winry. 

But it was also an extremely familiar feeling at the same time, because it felt exactly like how things had once felt between him and Alfons. 

It didn't matter that he knew Mustang was nothing like either Al, if there was any chance of Ed having some of the same hangups, then he had to be extra careful. He hadn't known how bitter he was making Alfons with his invisible expectations until it was too late. 

Ed cringed at the memory, instead focusing on scribbling Rosé's phone number beneath Russell's in the notebook from his pocket before sliding the paper with Rosé's phone number back into the folder. 

It would probably be safer to make sure he kept Mustang at arm's length. Safer for both of them. After all, there was no point in getting connected to people from a whole other world if he was just going to end up leaving yet again.

"Well," Mustang said, clearing his throat and not meeting Ed's eyes. "If that's all you needed, then I might as well escort you back to the playroom and get back to work." 

Something about the way Mustang said it made Ed twitch a little on the inside, like he was still just a kid who belonged more in a playroom than solving official matters with the adults. He exhaled through his nose and snapped the file shut before sliding it back into the spot he'd taken it from. "Fine by me." 

Ed went out the hall before Mustang and started striding back the way they'd come, even though he could hear Mustang taking out keys and re-locking the door. He would have gone back to the playroom all by himself, but as soon as he reached the first turn, he suddenly realized that he hadn't been keeping proper track of the way they'd come. And even though this place pretty much looked like any other government building, it still wasn't the halls he'd roamed a million times in Central. 

Stupid amateur mistake.

So he paused, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Mustang was catching up. And of course the old man didn't take his time to hurry, instead strolling down the hall towards Ed as if he had all the time in the world. Because heaven forbid if he ever looked like he wasn't in complete control of every single situation. Though Ed supposed that was actually the case in this scenario. He was dependent on Mustang to actually lead him back if he didn't want to just mindlessly wander the halls until he found the playroom. 

There was a window to his left, and Ed absently noticed that it was much darker than when he had arrived, the windows getting pelted with rain. He wondered if it was raining where Noah and Al were too. No, that was silly. There was no way weather would be consistent across countries. even if it was raining where they were, it wasn't as if it was the same rain he was seeing here, wasn't as if water from the sky could give him some sort of invisible link to them. 

"Miss me?" Mustang said with a self-satisfied smirk as came up to Ed, who scoffed and rolled his eyes. Mustang then nodded at the left corridor. "It's this way."

They managed to walk in silence for a few steps before Mustang cleared his throat, and Ed looked over to him with an eyebrow raised. 

"So, ah... Why did... he... Er, the corporal... Why did he stop doing alchemy?" 

Ed's first thought was to laugh at the fact that Mustang couldn't even use his own name in reference to someone else. Then again, it wasn't like Ed was much better, what with the whole "Kai-Sylvan" thing. 

His second thought was wondering why Mustang was asking that particular question. It was almost an innocent question from anyone else, but it felt weird coming from Mustang. He wasn't used to seeing the older man like this, digging for information, actually seeming insecure about what the answer might be. And for a second, it was like Mustang wasn't the scary ominous adult that Ed had known his entire life, but someone just like him, a scared alchemist just searching for answers and feeling inadequate. 

"He..." Ed paused and licked his lips. "I guess one of his eyes got shot, so he didn't feel safe..." 

He trailed off, but of course it was enough information for Mustang, and Ed could see it click into place in the older man's eyes. 

"Interesting," Mustang murmured, frowning. "Two separate lives, and yet... You'd think there was some sort of universal pattern or something. Fate, even." 

"What?" Ed frowned, blinking and pausing in the hall. The way Mustang was talking sounded familiar, like the tone Ed was used to when alchemists were trying to work out something scientific by talking their way through their thoughts. Mustang paused as well, taking a moment before he turned around to face Ed. It was that particular Mustang-pause that way that Ed knew meant he had given away more than he had intended and was frantically trying to think of a solution and mask his emotions before anyone saw. 

"I suppose it's unavoidable that we would both have some similarities between our lives, considering it sounds like we've lived very similar lives and have similar personalities," Mustang said coolly before turning around and striding forward again. "I'm sure it's nothing. Just a funny coincidence."

"I don't believe in coincidences anymore," Ed muttered under his breath as he followed Mustang. His mind spun at the nugget of information. They'd somehow had something similar happen to both of them that unnerved Mustang? But this Mustang was the fuhrer, and the other one was just a corporal. But that wasn't the information that had thrown Mustang off, it was hearing that his double had lost an eye. 

Ed paused, his feet slightly tripping over one another as the realization hit him. "Wait, you don't have a glass eye or something, do you?"

"No, Fullmetal," Mustang said, as if he was a little irritated the conversation was continuing. But come on, it wasn't like Ed could just let go of an interesting piece of information like that once it had been given to him. 

"Well, if you don't have a glass eye, why were you saying you're similar?"

Mustang let out a long sigh, looking up at the ceiling as if someone would drop down from it to save him from the conversation. Maybe Hawkeye, Ed mused. He wouldn't be surprised if she was just hiding in the rafters and waiting for the moment when Mustang needed her help. 

"Drop it, Fullmetal," Mustang murmured. "Damn it all, you're still just a kid prodding for answers he has no business to."

"And you're still just an old bastard who thinks the best thing to do is protect me from everything and not treat me like an equal!" Ed snapped back. "How many secrets did you keep from my double, anyway?"

Mustang visibly flinched, which was a pretty bad sign from someone with as good of a poker face as Mustang. Ed frowned. Damn, Mustang must have hidden something awful from Kai. Was he just feeling guilty for the same secrets Ed was familiar with, or was it somehow something even bigger? His own Mustang had tricked him into riding the train with Bald and had hidden Hughes' death from him, but he didn't remember Mustang feeling that bad about it.

"If you're that regretful about some secret you kept from him, I don't understand why you'd try so hard to keep more secrets from me," Ed muttered, looking down at the floor and jamming his hands into his coat pockets and he started walking down the hall again.

"Why do you care so much about what I do or don't tell you?"

"Because I told you everything!" Ed snapped, spinning around to glare at Mustang. Part of his brain screamed at him to shut up, shut up, shut up. But it was like he had been holding the words back for years instead of the few days he had known this Mustang, and now that he'd made the mistake of letting one word free, the rest were clambering behind it like a swarm of bees. 

"Because I made the mistake of trusting you just because you had a familiar face and I should know better!" Ed continued, slicing his right arm through the air. "I trusted you because you remind me about him and I was worried about him and regretting all the things I didn't say, and I let that manipulate me into trusting you with who I am even though I don't have any way of knowing who you actually are! And now I'm realizing there's all this stuff about you I don't even know, and I can't seem to stop making the same stupid mistakes that just get people—"

He choked on the words, his mind frozen on the thought of the stain on Noah's dress. 

Ed wasn't sure whether it was a long moment of silence that passed between him or if it just felt long because old pain tended to stretch seconds out into infinity. 

"Fullmetal..."

Ed winced and looked away, turning to walk down the hall again. 

"That's not who I am anymore." 

Mustang led the rest of the way back to the playroom in silence, turning and leaving as soon as Ed saw the officer from earlier. He debated calling out for a second, telling Mustang to come back, but he bit down on his tongue as soon as the idea even entered his head. All the apologies he could think of were meant for a different Mustang than the one who was Fuhrer and walking away from Ed. 

"You may want to wait a little bit on going home," the officer said as Ed walked into the room. Teddy and Zaza were currently in the middle of chasing one another around the room in circles while screaming at the top of their lungs. "The rain outside looks like it's just going to get worse." 

Ed opened his mouth to say that it was just a little rain and he wasn't sure how exactly that mattered, but then it hit him. That was the sort of thing he would say if it was just him going home in the rain. But he was going to have to take home Teddy and Zaza through the storm. Would they be able to handle the rain? Would he be able to make sure he kept them safe walking home through a thunderstorm?

What would Kai do? 

Ed sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess I... I'd better call Winry." 

Thankfully, the playroom was at least close enough to the main entryway that Ed managed to remember his way without having to find some subtle way to ask someone for directions. And the receptionist was more than happy to let Ed use the phone, which didn't even get through a full ring before Winry picked up. 

"Hello?" 

"Hey, Win—" There was some sort of commotion as Ed pressed the phone against his ear, several people in uniforms rushing past. As they hurried past, Ed could hear them saying something about the weather and how it was too early, though early for what, Ed didn't know. He pressed the phone harder against his ear and tried to tune the commotion out. 

"Oh, thank goodness you're not out in the storm!" 

"Yeah," Ed said with a half chuckle. He wasn't sure why, but he had almost been half expecting her to yell at him for being out, or maybe for not heading out before the storm had shown up. Maybe it was an old habit to think that calling her would just end in him getting chewed out about something. "I think we should probably hang out here for a little bit. Until the storm eases up." 

"I'm just glad you didn't get caught in it. Teddy and Zaza are alright?" 

"Yeah, they're going nuts in the playroom," Ed said with a snort. "I don't think they'll have any problem with staying a bit longer." 

"Oh, yeah, they lo— Oh, shi—"

"What?" Ed said, frowning and suddenly leaning into the phone. 

"Nothing, Ed, it just looks like the rain is turning to hail. Look, I'd better go make sure all the shutters are down." 

Winry gave him a quick goodbye after that. Ed didn't say anything, but he noticed the way she automatically blurted out a "love you" and then tripped over the goodbye that came after it, like she was second-guessing whether it was something she should say or not. Ed was only able to give her a simple goodbye, his tongue getting stuck against the roof of his mouth on the L sound. It wasn't like it should be hard. She was Winry. And even if she wasn't his Winry, she'd been the one who'd stayed by his side through all of this. Even if she didn't have to, even if he preferred to spend his time figuring out how to go and call old friends like Noa-Rosé. And something about not having her there to make sure he didn't stick his foot in his mouth made him feel oddly nervous. 

Something about thinking about her at home making sure all the shutters were down pulled him towards the wide windows at the front of the embassy, looking to see the hail she was talking about. The sky was starting to go dark with twilight, but when he looked downwards, he could see the white spheres bouncing off the ground. There were giant ferns on both sides of the door, and it almost made him feel like he was in a smaller space than it actually was. It was almost cozy, in a way, to stand and quietly watch the chaos outside, surrounded by thick curtains and leaves like he was a child playing hide and seek again. 

And then the doors flew open, bringing a gust of wet wind in with a couple people that Ed only noticed from the corner of his eye, tuning them out when he saw the flash of military blue. Someone was saying something about waiting, how it wouldn't hurt anything just to pause for a few minutes, and Ed snorted as he watched the storm. Even he knew better than to go running out into hail, which meant that whoever they were talking to had to be even more stubborn than him. Which was honestly impressive, even in its own stupidity. 

"I told you, I don't care if it's hailing!" a familiar voice snapped, and suddenly Ed realized exactly who would be that stubborn. The voice was deeper, more like what he had gotten used to with Alfons, but it was still unmistakable. Ed's breath got stuck in his chest, scared to turn away from the window and see with his own eyes. 

"Mr. Elric, sir, if you would just wait a few minutes, we could get you a car—"

"I can't wait! I need to get to the Rockbe—"

"Alphonse," Ed said, his voice cracking on the word as he called out, stepping away from the window. 

He couldn't see Al's face immediately, but he could see the shock of blond hair, the broad shoulders. He was so much bigger and muscular in a way that was so unfamiliar. And then he turned, and golden eyes met with golden eyes. 

Ed froze, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. Even though he was used to there being differences between the worlds, even though he had been mentally preparing himself to meet another not-Al-Al, it still hit hard. Maybe not as hard as when he'd met Alfons and it was the first time he'd seen that face in nearly a decade, but still. No matter how much he had tried to remind himself, there had been a part of him that had almost been hoping that when he finally met up with Al it would be his Al, his brother, not this person who was so familiar and yet a stranger. The muscular young man crossed the room in a minute, coming to stand right in front of Ed, both of them staring in silence. 

The golden eyes raked over him, the lips tightening until they were finally looking one another in the eyes again. And then Ed could see just how shiny and wet those strange golden eyes were. 

"Wh—" Al started, but his voice cracked and got stuck on the words. Water dripped down from his hair and coat, pooling at his feet. He licked his lips and started again, his voice barely louder than a whisper, and yet low and rumbling. 

"Where is my brother?"

Chapter Text

Al looked his brother up and down, this person who was supposed to be more familiar to him than anyone in the world. And yet, somehow, something felt so incredibly... unfamiliar. It was the same clothes he'd seen Ed wear a million times before, and yet, somehow, he was wearing the clothes differently. Al couldn't put his finger on it, but he somehow seemed more polished and less like a feral child shoved into a suit. Al swallowed a lump in his throat and looked up until the two of them were looking one another in the eyes. 

And all he could think was how absolutely strange and unfamiliar those eyes were, even if they were the same eyes he'd known his entire life. But the expression on them was nothing like what Al was used to, a sort of tired and wary resignation. It wasn't the blazing fire that Al had grown so used to, but more... the last stubborn coal still flickering and refusing to go out. A lump of flickering coal wasn't usually anything to be afraid of, but there was something ominous about the room being covered in darkness aside from the one burning spot that refused to go out, draping the room in orange shadows like a warning. 

"Wh—" Al started, but his voice cracked and got stuck on the words. Water dripped down from his hair and coat, pooling at his feet. He licked his lips and started again, trying to make the words sound stronger than he currently felt. 

"Where is my brother?"

To his credit, at least the impostor didn't try to protest, instead just tightening his lips and looking down at the floor. Or perhaps it would be against his credit, because if Al had accused his brother like that, it would have been met with yelling and protest over how Al could even say such a thing. But this impostor just stood there. 

"What the he—"

"Al." It was unnerving how quietly the impostor spoke, how he managed to make Al stop in the middle of a sentence with one breath of a syllable. And more than anything, Al just wanted him to scream and yell out some curse words. But no, he was just standing there, his hands in his pockets as he eyed the receptionist and the officer who had followed Al into the building. 

He looked... scared. And something about that broke Al even more than realizing this person wasn't his brother. Because if it was someone who was mean and angry, it was easy to hate them. It was just someone terrible trying to use his brother's face to their advantage, like Envy. Al knew how to deal with that. He knew how to be angry. But he didn't know what to do when this person he wanted to see as a villain looked so worried himself. This wasn't some sort of invading monster, this was someone who was just as much of a victim as Al. 

And before he could even fight the instinct, Al felt fat tears start rolling down his cheeks, and he pressed his hands up to his face as if he could somehow stop the pain if he stopped the tears from falling. 

"Come on, we should go... talk," the Other Brother said, reaching out to grab Al's elbow and steer him in the direction of the hallways. 

Al felt like he could hardly breathe, the building passing by him in a blur. On some level, he knew he must be breathing, even if it didn't feel like it, considering how he hadn't passed out. On the other hand, he simply couldn't comprehend how his brain could keep up with a task as complicated as breathing in the midst of a crisis like this. He almost wished he would just stop breathing, because that would be so much easier than dealing with—

He shook his head at himself, a couple tears jerking free with the motion and falling to the floor. No, he couldn't think like that. He and Ed had been through so much together, things way worse than this. And he was melting down into a useless puddle just at the thought that maybe... maybe that phone call had been the last time he would ever get to speak to...

No. No, they'd find a way to fix this. 

"Alright, sit," Other Brother said, gently nudging Al into a room with a conference table surrounded by chairs. "If you want to punch me after you've caught your breath, I understand." 

Al opened his mouth to protest that he couldn't even do that, because... Because even if this person looked different enough that Al could see the difference immediately, they still were similar enough. This wasn't like Father wearing Ed's face, because Al could tell that there was genuine kindness in those eyes. Even if it wasn't his Brother, he was someone's Brother, and Al couldn't take things out on someone who was an innocent victim, just because they were wearing the wrong face.

At least, that was everything he wanted to say. But when he opened his mouth, all that came out was a strangled whimper of a sound. 

"I know," Other Brother murmured, taking a seat across the table from Al. It made the whole thing feel laughably formal, as if Al was getting some sort of performance review. "Trust me, I know exactly how you're feeling right now. Just... Breathe." 

He was being so gentle and kind, even though all Al had done was yell and accuse so far. It was different than what he would have expected of his brother, but it twisted at his heart in a strange way. He had no idea who exactly this person in front of him was. 

"Who are you?" Al said. He almost wanted to avoid the question. He had a clear enough guess of what the answer was, and the thought of hearing it confirmed seemed painful. But Al needed to hear it. He needed to hear him say it. 

"I told you, Al," he said softly, flicking his eyes up from the table. Al almost wanted to cringe at the eye contact, how easy it was to see that this was someone else behind those familiar eyes. "I'm from a parallel world. I'm Edward Elric too. I'm just an Ed from a world where things went... A lot differently." 

Al didn't want to react to that, didn't want to make this other Ed feel even worse than he already did, but Al still couldn't help a fresh wave of sobs from bubbling out of him at the confirmation. He didn't want to cry when what he really wanted to do was scream at the top of his lungs and break things. Crying was a poor substitute for expressing what he was feeling. But he also didn't have any words adequate enough to describe the big things he was feeling. So he decided to settle for asking questions to distract himself instead. 

"What did you mean when you said you know exactly what I'm feeling?" Al said, sniffing and wiping at his face and trying his best to seem like a functioning human of some sort. 

"Oh. Um." Ed coughed and rubbed the back of his neck. It was such a familiar movement that for one brief second, everything almost felt normal again. And that somehow hurt worse than realizing everything was different in the first place. "It's kinda a long story, but... You're basically the third Al I've met."

"T-Third?" Al croaked. "How does that work?"

Ed winced. "This... This isn't exactly the first time I've hopped to a parallel world." 

If Al hadn't had his entire world just crumble in front of his eyes, it was the sort of information that would have sent him stumbling backward from the implications. But as it was, he just sat there, trying to think what it would be like to be so used to the idea of people hopping between worlds that it didn't even cause this Ed to have much of a reaction at all. 

"That's good though, isn't it?" Al said, trying to shelter the small light of hope that had bloomed in his chest. "If you've done this before, then you know how to fix it, right?"

"I..." Ed rubbed at his neck again and avoided Al's eyes. "This is a lot different than last time."

A long moment of silence fell over the two of them, neither daring to make eye contact. Even if it was a lot different, the fact that Ed had any experience at all with a situation like this still seemed hopeful to Al. He at least knew more than Al did, which was, in fact, a big, fat zero. Having at least a starting point was something. At least he could explain a few things to Al, right?

"Where is he?" Al finally whispered, struggling to push the words out. 

Ed tightened his lips, lacing his fingers together as he stared at the table. "He's in another world. A country called Germany."

"But why?" Al said, his voice cracking against the word. "Why is he there and you're here?"

"I... I don't know." 

So maybe this person wasn't exactly his brother, but he was still Edward Elric. And Al knew that an answer like that from an Ed was complete bullshit. Edward Elric didn't say "I don't know" and left it at that. He would usually be too frustrated at not knowing something that he would ramble about how he didn't know things, or the few things he did know, or how frustrated he was at not knowing. But if Ed said "I don't know" and nothing more, that meant he either did know and didn't want anyone else to know, or... He didn't want to figure out the answer in the first place. 

Still, calling it out tended to get the stupidhead to dig in his heels even harder about the whole thing. Al had learned over the years that it was easier to just let him pretend he had gotten away with his claim of ignorance. He would eventually talk. Al just hoped he would talk sooner rather than later. The avoidance just made it all the clearer to Al. 

It was his fault this had happened. 

Ed had a heart attack in the first place because of Al calling just to tell him, "Hey, I'm engaged, I'm going to live in another country and we're hardly going to see one another unless you give up everything you've ever known and move here!" And Al had been too caught up in his own feelings to even stick around long enough to calm Ed down. And then he'd gone out and had a heart attack from the stress, and then he'd... Well, he'd either actually switched places like he said, or he'd just had a complete personality switch. It wasn't like that was unheard of with heart attacks. Either way, the person sitting in front of Al wasn't the same person he'd said goodbye to a few months ago. 

And it was his fault. 

All things considered, Al almost wondered if he should count himself lucky in some ways. He could have had his brother dead, but he was at least alive, in one way or another. He had no idea where he wanted to stand on the whole parallel worlds concept. On the one hand, it seemed ridiculous. On the other hand, lots of things they'd been through seemed ridiculous, but that didn't make them less true. But on the other other hand, this seemed like the sort of weird delusion that could happen after a heart attack. But on the other other other hand, it sure seemed like Ed believed it, whether it was true or not, and arguing could end up just causing more distress. 

There was a handful of things Al knew to be true. 

The first thing he was sure of was that Ed had suffered from some sort of health crisis. Winry could back that one up, so trusting that fact was easy. What had caused the health crisis was still unprovable, but Al was pretty sure in his gut that he was right about it being caused by the stress of the phone call beforehand. 

The second thing Al was sure of was that whoever had come back from the health crisis was a different person. He didn't particularly want that one to be true, but it was obvious. Whether it was a new person because of supernatural body switching or because of emergency brain rewiring, Al couldn't be sure. But it didn't matter. Al could go along with this idea of parallel worlds, could admit he didn't know everything. 

Because the third thing he was sure of was that he wasn't going to let anything else happen to Ed. And if he wanted to be able to protect Ed, then he had to be extra careful not to piss Ed off. So if Ed said that this had happened because of parallel worlds, then Al wasn't going to disagree. 

"I'm sorry," Ed murmured, and Al snapped his head up to look at him. 

"What're you even apologizing for?" 

"For... scaring you?" Ed said with a weak laugh. Al heard the echoed words hiding underneath, though. 

I'm sorry for not being Him .

"You don't have to apologize for that," Al scoffed. "It wasn't your fault you ended up in this whole mess. And it's not your fault I got scared, either. I scare easily, you can't control that. And I'm always going to be concerned when it comes to you." 

Ed grimaced slightly and shifted in his seat, but he still managed to somehow keep his mouth shut. Even though Al could tell he had a thought banging at the backs of his teeth. Probably something about how it wasn't technically him that Al cared for, blah blah blah. He was just going to have to deal with the fact that as long as he was in the body of Al's brother, then Al was going to treat him like his brother. 

After all, Al didn't even know how to act if there wasn't someone for him to treat like a brother. 

"So... Now what?" Al said softly, pushing himself to look up at the same time as Ed and not flinch away from the eye contact. 

Ed had once described this phenomenon to Al that he had learned from working on automail with Winry. Apparently, there were occasional cases of automail engineers making a design that was... almost too good at mimicking humans, in a way. People would experience a weird feeling when looking at automail like that where part of their brain would register that what they were looking at wasn't actually a human, but they wouldn't be able to tell why they knew it wasn't a human. Ed had babbled excitedly about this to Al, talking about how he thought it probably applied to more than just automail, because he was pretty sure he'd felt the same feeling in regards to the homunculi and Truth. That strange feeling of something being off, but you couldn't put your finger on exactly why, and it just left you feeling on guard and tense. Ed had described it as like being in a valley where you don't know exactly where the end is or how far you are from the beginning, but you can still vaguely sense that there might be something dangerous you're trapped in the valley with. And because of that explanation, he had proposed calling it "uncanny valley," and talked about possibly even doing an entire paper on the subject. 

Al hadn't fully understood the feeling at the time, not relating to how Ed had apparently felt around the homunculi. He had always wondered if it was just that he experienced the world differently than Ed or if it was because it was one of those feelings that required a human body to feel. 

He was inclined to lean towards the second explanation as he looked up into this Ed's eyes and was hit with a sudden understanding of what his brother had meant when he'd tried to explain the valley of uncanniness. 

It wasn't necessarily that this Ed felt like he... wasn't human. He just somehow felt... different. A couple degrees to the left. And something about that sent Al's instincts into high gear, even as he reassured himself that this was clearly someone who wouldn't hurt him. But it didn't stop the adrenaline spiking at the edges of his consciousness in warning. 

If he was being honest, this Ed scared him a little. He didn't fully understand all the differences that were there, but he could tell that the way this person carried themselves came from some sort of great pain. Not that his Ed hadn't been through great pain, but he carried more of the air of someone victorious who'd had their battles come to an end. This person felt like someone who had been battered so repeatedly into the ground that he'd broken and gotten scarred in a way that could never really be hidden again. 

"Now what?" Ed echoed weakly. 

"You know... What do we do? Is there something we can do to... Make you switch back?" Al shrugged, but felt almost immediately guilty for saying it. What if this was just his brother suffering through some sort of mental break? Even if he wanted to believe in this whole parallel world thing, Al didn't want to risk him thinking Al just wanted to get rid of him. So he waved his hands and quickly added,"N-Not that I don't like having you here or anything! Just that if he's supposed to be here and you're supposed to be there—"

"Al," Ed interrupted, and Al found himself wondering once again how this Ed knew how to speak so quietly and powerfully at the same time. He gave Al a weak smile. A peace offering. "It's okay. I get it. I know what it feels like to miss someone that much." 

Ouch. Al flinched and broke his eye contact with Ed. He couldn't explain exactly why it hurt so much, but it almost felt like Ed was chiding him for thinking he was a newcomer to grief. Like Al somehow was a newcomer to grief, like he hadn't already lost plenty of people of his own. 

Or maybe it hurt because it almost felt like Ed was saying, "It's okay, you don't have to apologize for not wanting me around, because I don't really want to be here myself."

"As for what I'm doing next..." Ed sighed and held his hands up helplessly. "I don't exactly know yet. I still... Have questions. Maybe I'll have a better idea of what to do next once I have more answers." 

Al opened his mouth to say something, but before he could say anything, he was cut off by a loud squeal. 

"Uncle Al!" 

And then the tornado otherwise known as Teddy was suddenly crashing into Al's legs, making Al grunt from the impact. A sheepish officer appeared in the doorway, holding a cowering Azami in her arms. 

"I'm so sorry to interrupt you," she said in a low tone, turning towards Ed. "Azami just got scared by the thunder outside and she wouldn't calm down until I agreed to come find you. 

"Daddy," Azami sniffled, turning away from the officer and reaching out for Ed with a tear-streaked face. 

Ed didn't even hesitate, immediately giving into the protective dad instinct. He reached out and folded Zaza against his chest with a worried frown, pressing a kiss against the top of her head. It was as if the kiss was some sort of instinct he hadn't planned on, because he looked startled and confused at his own life choices almost as soon as he'd done it, like he wasn't sure if it was something he should actually be doing. 

It was interesting to Al that this was someone who had just been arguing that he was from a different world, who sincerely believed that he didn't belong here. By that logic, Al would think he wouldn't care about the kids. And yet there he was, being just as much of a worried father as Al would expect otherwise. Though Al supposed that was just part of who Ed was. He'd always had a soft spot for kids, even before he'd had some of his own.

"It's okay, it's okay, I've got you," Ed murmured, stroking Zaza's hair as she clutched his shirt in tiny fists and buried her face against him. 

And Al felt another small spark of hope light in his chest. Because despite this being someone who felt so completely different, someone who claimed he was an entirely different world...the instinct to love his kids was still there. Whether they were actually even his kids or not. And if the instinct to love his kids was still in there, then maybe the instinct to love Al was still in there, too. Maybe there was a piece of him that remembered being this Ed. 

"Home?" Zaza whimpered, rubbing at her eye. Al was actually a little impressed. Last he'd heard from Winry, Zaza had still been heavily struggling with speaking, but she seemed to be actually using a decent amount of words to communicate with Ed. Or at least, more words than Al was used to hearing from her. 

"Oh. I know," Ed said, his frown deepening as he looked at Zaza. "But we have to wait to go home until the storm stops outside. I don't want you to get hurt." 

"Did you bring me presents?" Teddy interrupted, and when Al looked down, he was met with a pair of hopeful golden eyes. It was kind of amazing sometimes how kids just... kept being kids, no matter how much it felt like the rest of the world was caving in. Al always brought presents when he came, so it didn't really matter that his coming was a surprise, didn't make Teddy worry about the change in plans. 

"Sorry, buddy," Al said with a small chuckle, reaching out to rub at Teddy's hair. "You're going to have to wait a couple days. I left your presents with the rest of the caravan. You'll get them when Uncle Ling and Auntie Mei show up." 

Teddy pouted at the news. 

"Home," Zaza insisted, reaching up and grabbing Ed's cheeks with both her hands. 

"Presents," Teddy added, tugging at Al's pants again. 

Al looked up helplessly at Ed. "I think they're tired." 

"No! Presents!" Teddy said, stamping his tiny food against the ground. 

"Teddy," Ed said, and it was that same quietly commanding tone that had spooked Al. He almost felt a little bad for feeling more justified in his own reaction when he saw that Teddy seemed to be unnerved in a similar way, looking over to Ed with wide, confused eyes. 

"Gifts are a way of someone saying they love you," Ed continued, his face set into a serious frown. "Not something you're entitled to. You don't get to demand that someone loves you in the way that you want." 

Teddy's little face screwed up into a scrunched little ball of upset wrinkles. He looked like he was about to go into a full-on meltdown over the whole affair when Ed suddenly stood up, still holding Zaza in his arms. "I'll tell you what, though. I can give you a present. Come on." 

Something about the way he spoke tugged at Al's own curiosity, and he found himself standing and following Ed and Teddy. What exactly could Ed even be offering as some sort of present? Even the officer who had brought Zaza and Teddy to them seemed intrigued. Either that, or she felt like she was obligated to stay near the kids until someone actually dismissed her. And so they all walked through the halls of the embassy in their own strange little duckling line of adults and children. 

They eventually came to a stop in the lobby. One of the officers who had been there when Al had first arrived was still hanging around and chatting with the receptionist, though they both paused and looked up with confused frowns at the procession of mostly-Elrics. 

"I don't see a present, Daddy," Teddy said, frowning and looking around the room. "Where's the present?" 

"Patience, mini-Ed," Ed muttered with a roll of his eyes as he held Zaza out to Al. Al had to bite back his laughter at the comment. Apparently, this Ed came with a healthy serving of self-awareness. Al hadn't even known that was possible. 

"Sometimes, a present isn't something you can hold with your hands," Ed said with a grin, putting a few steps of distance between himself and the group. "Sometimes a present is just something that's meant to make you smile."

Once again, Al found himself wondering what exactly what he had been through that Al didn't know about. It sounded like something their mother could have said once a long time ago, but somehow it still seemed out of place coming from Ed. There was something to the way he talked that made it feel like he was all too used to going without presents more often than not. 

"So this is a dance I learned back in—" Ed paused and winced, then corrected, "back on my travels." 

Ah, so the kids weren't in on the whole concept that he was supposed to be a different person from another world. Al supposed that made sense, they were probably too young to understand anyway. Al wondered if that was what had motivated Ed to treat the kids with such gentleness. 

"In the place where I learned this dance," Ed continued, "People were going through a lot of hard times. But sometimes when you're sad, you just need to find a way to smile and find little bits of happiness anyway. So they did this dance. And it's pretty much impossible not to smile at it. It's like... you can be sad, but still happy at the same time. Like... Happy-sad." 

There wasn't any music going in the background, which would have made just about any dance look ridiculous, but Al couldn't think of any music that would have made the dance Ed proceeded to do look normal.

It was... something Al had a hard time even finding words to explain. he was moving backward and forward, swinging his arms around wildly, and his legs were... doing something. It was a fluid dance, like he was some sort of marionette who was having his strings untangled by a puppeteer. Or perhaps someone trying to carry a tray of drinks while balancing on a rubber ball. It was wiggly and jiggly, and sure enough, Al found it impossible to resist letting a smile crack across his face at the sight. Even the officers in the room were paying attention, letting out a few laughs and turning their full attention to the sight. Ed just seemed to bask in the attention, his dance getting even grander and more ridiculous the more people were paying attention to him. 

And it seemed to do exactly what he had been hoping for, because Teddy and Zaza no longer seemed tired and pouty, but were instead both giggling and pointing at their father with wide grins. 

"You're a worm, Daddy!" Teddy blurted out, and Ed was so overcome with laughter of his own at the comment that he had to stop, resting his hands on his knees. His face was red, but Al couldn't tell whether it was from the physical exertion, the attention, or the laughter. 

"How the heck do you even do that?" Al said, his face still stretched into a grin. 

"Ah, it's not hard," Ed said with a wave of his hands. 

"Teach me, Daddy, teach me, teach me!" 

And that was how Al found himself suddenly roped into an impromptu dance lesson in the middle of the Amestrian embassy lobby. Because apparently, even the officers couldn't resist trying to follow along with Ed's instructions after they'd seen the ridiculous dance. Something about it just looked... fun.

"So it's basically just two parts put together. And the first part is pretty much just walking back and forth," Ed said, pointing at his feet. "Like this. Backward step with the right leg, then forward and touch, then forward with the left leg, and backward and touch. Back, touch, forward, touch."

It took Al just a little bit of doing it before he at least got the rhythm of the steps down. Ed was right, that part was at least simple enough, like the beginning of most any other dance step Al had learned before. Granted, Ed was doing the step with a bit of a bounce to his movements, like he was loose and casual. Normally Al would have thought that was a sign of a sloppy dancer, but it seemed to be part of the very identity of this particular dance. 

"And then the second part..." Ed paused to consider it, like he hadn't really thought of how to describe it before. "You lean into the balls of your feet, and you kind of twist your knees in and out. It's like you saw this nasty bug and went to smush it, but it was a really big bug, so you want to make sure it's really dead, so you kind of grind it into the floor, like this. Just twist, twist— No, Teddy, twist, not stomp. You already stomped on the bug." 

The adults seemed to be mostly getting along with the step, despite Ed's fairly morbid description. Teddy, however, seemed to be struggling to move past the walking step they'd already covered. Honestly, Al was kind of impressed that Teddy was handling the "back-touch-forward-touch" rhythm so well in the first place. Zaza wasn't even attempting the dance, just bouncing in place where Al had put her on the floor. 

"And then after you get both of those parts down, you kind of just do them at the same time, and..." Ed went back to the dance he'd done before, his legs swinging wildly in and out. Al laughed at the thought of this all just being a ridiculous attempt to kill a bug, though he supposed he wouldn't put it past Ed to kill a bug so flamboyantly. 

"And once you've got all of that down, you can spice it up a little and swing your arms around," Ed added, throwing his arms from side to side with each step. "Or you could throw in some kicks..." 

Ed was absolutely right that it was a dance that forced you to smile and laugh along with it, and soon everyone in the lobby was laughing as they attempted to mimic the ridiculous moves. It really did seem simple once it was broken down into smaller parts, but Al still struggled to actually put the two steps together. It was like trying to rub his belly and pat his head at the same time. But something about that made it all the more compelling, like he wanted to prove he could keep up with Ed, wanted to prove he could defeat this baffling dance. 

They were interrupted from the strange dance by a laughing voice coming from the front door. 

"What on earth are you all doing?" 

"Winry!" Al stopped in the middle of a step, his arms falling to his side. She was oddly relieving to see, with her familiar blue eyes. And she was actually familiar, not familiar-and-not like Ed. It was somehow a breath of fresh air and a slap across the face all at once.

"Al!" she said, a grin splitting across her face as she ran over to him with her arms outstretched, immediately pulling him into a tight hug. Al laughed and hugged her back, taking a deep breath in as he did.

"Mommy!" Teddy said, getting distracted from his ritual stomping and turning to tug at Winry's pant leg. She pulled away from Al and looked down at the toddler. "Daddy's teaching us the silly dance to do when you're sad!" 

Al noticed that Ed had also stopped dancing, watching Winry with his face starting to go red. Al was almost positive that this time it was from embarrassment.

"I see that!" Winry said with a laugh, ruffling at Teddy's hair. She then turned back to look at Al. "When did you get here?"

"In the hail," Al said with a sheepish laugh, reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. "I would have gone running straight to your place, but I ran into—" 

Al paused, his eyes flicking over to Ed. He was watching the whole interaction between Al and Winry with an expression that was... Well, embarrassed, yes, but also deeply sad. Like he was somehow embarrassed to have Winry there, and mourning her even when she was standing right in front of him at the same time. Al was struck with a sudden worry that maybe the other Winry in this Ed's world actually had died, and maybe...

Al shook his head and turned back to Winry. No. He was getting too invested. He wasn't even sure if he believed in this whole soul-swapping thing in the first place. It wasn't even his business what had happened to some other Winry. 

"Well, I ran into... exactly who I was looking for," Al finished weakly, unable to decide between calling him "Brother" or "Ed." Both seemed right. Both seemed wrong. 

Winry seemed to notice his strange hesitation, and she slightly tilted her head to the side, raising her eyebrows with an unspoken question. Al winced and shrugged, giving a small nod in Ed's direction. Just that seemed to be enough explanation for her, and she nodded, giving him a sad sort of smile, as if acknowledging that she knew exactly how painful the whole situation was.

It made Al's heart break just a little bit, without her even saying a word.

"What about the hail...?" Ed said weakly, and Winry and Al both turned to look at him.

"Oh, it stopped a while ago," Winry said with a snort and a shrug. "It's just a thunderstorm out there. I just figured I'd come over while it was letting up so we could all be in one place."

There it was again, watching the two of them interact. It was so close to what Al was used to, and yet just that slight bit off, that weird feeling of unnerving uncanniness. Al suddenly ached to go back to the comfort of the ridiculous dance they'd been learning, when he could sort of pretend that maybe everything was almost normal, even if he was learning a dance that was theoretically from another world.

"Come on, Winry," Al said, tugging at her coat sleeve as if he were just as old as Teddy. "Learn this dance with us."

"Yeah, mommy!" Teddy said, throwing his hands in the air. "I'm really good, watch!" 

He then proceeded to take one step forwards, shook his leg about three times, then took a step backward, and then another careful three leg shakes. Al let out a small chuckle. It wasn't... exactly the dance Ed had been doing, but Teddy had the spirit. 

"What... exactly is this dance?" Winry said, laughing and raising an eyebrow as she looked over to Ed. He grinned back at her. 

"The Charleston!" he said with a laugh, showing off a few steps of his own with a grand flourish of his arms to both sides. 

"Oh," Winry said with a laugh, watching him with a bemused expression. "I see. Teddy wasn't entirely doing it wrong, then." 

"Guaranteed to make you smile," Ed said. He paused in the dance demonstration so he could take a couple steps closer to her. He then held a hand out to her, winking and giving one of those classic Ed smirks. "C'mon, Win, come join us weirdos." 

"As if I'm not already one of you," Winry said, snorting and tossing her ponytail over her shoulder before taking his hand and letting him walk her through the steps. 

Al watched them with a small hint of a smile poking through. For just a second, he could feel a little pressure lift from his heart. That was the person he knew. Even through all the differences, he could see pieces of the Brother he knew still poking out. That felt like a good sign. 

And as they all tried to imitate the ridiculous dance, Al thought maybe he understood what Ed meant when he had explained being happy and sad at the same time and how it was a dance so ridiculous that you couldn't help but laugh at it.  Something about the very way the dance moved seemed to make it impossible to stay sad, even if you knew the sadness was still sitting there lurking under the smiles and laughter.

And Al threw his head back and laughed. 

Ed felt guilty for feeling it, but he was desperate to get away from Winry, the kids, and most especially, Al. He was exhausted from the earlier conversation with Mustang, exhausted from the way Al had looked at him, exhausted from trying to find words for this awful news Kai had tasked him with delivering to Winry. He swore he could feel Rosé's phone number burning a hole in his pocket, and he was itching for a chance to sneak away and call her when no one was looking at him.

But it wasn't as if he would be able to sneak away very easily as long as they were still at the embassy. After all, the only phone he knew of was in the lobby. Also known as where everyone else was currently having an impromptu Charleston dance-off while the storm raged on outside.

Eventually, it was getting late enough that everyone started talking about whether they should try and push through the rain like Winry had done, or if it would be smarter to just use some of the rooms at the embassy to put the kids to sleep. Considering that Zaza had eventually found her way back to hiding her face against Ed's chest, he was inclined to think that actually going into the thunderstorm would be too much for her. 

Thankfully, Teddy had worn himself out enough that Winry probably could have thrown him into bed from across the room and he would have just snored. Zaza, however, was a different story, and as soon as Ed started lowering her into the unfamiliar bed, she gripped her tiny hands around his neck and started wailing. 

"No, hey, shh," Ed said, immediately pulling her back into his arms and placing a hand against the back of her head.

He hadn't even consciously decided to sing her a lullaby, but an old memory of his mother doing the same for him once upon a time flitted through his brain like an instinct, and before he knew it, the words were coming from his lips, murmured against Zaza's golden hair. 

(Listen)

Buter káj egy berseszki szán,
Móri drágo piko séj,
Vorbisz mánge káki-koki,
Móri drágo piko séj.

Áj mori séj, mori drago pikonyéj, Álálálá…..
Áj mori séj, mori drago pikonyéj, Álálálá…..

Kináu tuke szomnákáj,
Móri drágo piko séj,
Lá lumáko szomnákáj,
Móri drágo piko séj.

Áj mori séj, mori drago pikonyéj, Álálálá…..
Áj mori séj, mori drago pikonyéj, Álálálá…..

Áldin dévlá murá sá,
Mura cina pikonya,
Mura cina pikonya,
Murá sukár Azami.

He repeated the verses a few more times, gently rocking her in time with the beat, and eventually, he noticed that she had actually fallen asleep, clutching at his vest with one hand and sucking on the thumb of her other hand. He kept rocking her as he leaned her down to her bed, gently unclasping her fingers from his shirt as he trailed the song off. 

When he straightened, Winry was looking over at him with a soft smile. 

"That was really pretty," she murmured as the two of them slipped out of the room. "I didn't recognize the language, is it from your... other world?" 

"Not the main language I spoke, but yeah, one of the languages from there," Ed said, giving her a small smile of his own and shrugging. 

"What did it mean?"

"The song? Uh..." Ed frowned and tapped at his chin, trying to think back. "I think it was something like 'My dear beautiful daughter, god bless my daughter, my dear tiny baby...' Something like that. I wasn't actually fluent in Romani, I just had a... a friend teach me that song. She said her mom used to sing it to her when she was little."

Winry had paused in her footsteps, looking at him with a small frown. "You didn't say you had a girlfriend." 

Ed froze, staring back at her with wide eyes. "I-I never said she was my girlfriend."

"You didn't have to," Winry said with a snort. 

"Well, she's not. I don't..." Ed frowned and waved his left hand around a few times. "I don't normally... do that... sort of thing." 

"That sort of thing?" Winry repeated, raising an eyebrow. "And what exactly does that mean?" 

Ed suddenly felt that he'd wandered into some sort of very dangerous territory by complete accident, but he was in too deep to turn around now. Not like he could, even if he wanted to, though. He wasn't entirely sure where he had made a misstep in the first place. Wasn't Winry supposed to be happy that Noah wasn't his girlfriend? 

"That sort of thing," Ed repeated weakly. "You know, like... girls. Girlfriends. Settling down."

Winry crossed her arms and looked him up and down, and it suddenly clicked for him what she was upset about. Of course, she was worried that if he had something against girlfriends and settling down, then he was secretly resenting her for forcing him into married life the past few days. Or... maybe she was upset that her Ed was running around with someone that she thought was a girlfriend? 

"It's n-not that I'm against settling down or anything!" Ed said quickly, waving his hands. "I-I just... I live a really dangerous life, and there're all these people who would... I mean, I don't want her to get hurt or anything!"

Winry made a small noise in the back of her throat, rolling her eyes with it. "I remember my Ed saying something very similar about me once upon a time. And you know what I found out? It wasn't so much about him trying to protect me from getting hurt as it was meant to protect him from getting hurt." 

"No, it's not like—" Ed started, but Winry had already turned and started walking down the hall.

Ed debated running after her and arguing his point for a long minute, but then decided against it. Winry was obviously convinced of her point of view, what was the point? It was like he was constantly dealing with everyone being upset that he wasn't Kai, but then turning around and telling him that the two of them were the same. It was like he could never make anyone happy, all because he was the wrong person. And he was tired.

 "Whatever," he muttered, turning and heading towards the lobby. At least it gave him a good excuse to break away and call Rosé. 

He felt a little guilty for calling at a time that many people would consider late, but it wasn't as if he had much of a choice. The only time he seemed to have any time to himself was either late at night or early in the morning. Hopefully, Rosé wouldn't be too angry about it.  

The phone had already rung three times, and he was just starting to get worried that maybe she wouldn't even pick it up when there was finally a familiar voice on the other side of the phone. 

"Hello?"

Ed clutched the phone against the side of his face with both hands, pushing back the urge to cry just at the sound of her. He had to remind himself that this wasn't Noah, even if she was the first piece of this world that actually felt familiar. Ironic, really, considering that this world had more in common with his home world, and yet it somehow felt more distant because of it. Like it was doing some sort of impersonation, and that just made all the differences between the two worlds that much clearer. 

"No— I mean, Rosé," Ed breathed. "Hi."

"I'm sorry, who is this?"

Ed bit back a whimper and licked his lips before swallowing the lump in his throat. "It's, ah. Ed. Edward. Um. Elric."

There was a long moment of silence from the other end of the line, and then, finally, a soft, "Ohhh. The State Alchemist, right?"

Ed bit back bile in his throat. She hardly even knew who he was. Even his Rosé knew him more than this, even if she wasn't Noah. He gripped the phone until his knuckles turned white. Suddenly, this felt... wrong. This wasn't even the person he had been half-expecting, let alone the person he actually wanted to talk to. What exactly had he been even thinking would happen, anyway? He would contact Rosé and Noah would just turn up on his doorstep via doppelgänger telepathy? 

"Sorry," he murmured. "I shouldn't have called, this... this was a mistake."

"Wait, Ed—" Rosé started, but he hung up the receiver before she had a chance to say more. 

Even though he had been walking back and forth around the embassy all day, Ed still found himself struggling to remember the way back to the room that he and Winry were going to be in for the night. He almost debated just laying down in one of the hallways and taking a nap right there instead. He wasn't particularly excited about whatever else Winry had to say to him. 

He was hit with a wave of relief when he could hear Al's voice echoing from further up in one of the corridors. At least Al would know his way around. And he'd understand why Ed didn't know his way around.

"So you..." Al said slowly as Ed approached from around the corner. "You actually believe him? About all this other world stuff?"

And Ed found himself freezing in his footsteps. Al still didn't believe him? He'd thought that the tears and Al breaking down and asking for his brother had meant that he finally, actually believed Ed. But the way he was talking sounded like... Maybe he didn't? And Ed found himself suddenly terrified of what Winry would say.

"It makes as much sense as some of the other things you two have told me," she said slowly. "What, you don't believe him?"

"I..." Al started, then let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know yet. It's... a lot. I know that he's definitely not the same person he was a few days ago."

Ed frowned. What the hell was that supposed to even mean?

"If he's not the same person but you're not sure about another world, what do you think is going on?" Winry said. Ed resisted the instinct to jump in with support for her saying exactly what he was thinking. And he realized that somewhere along the line, this had turned from him honestly stumbling on Al and Winry to eavesdropping on them. He considered turning around for a minute, but he couldn't resist actually knowing some of what Al was thinking that he hadn't been willing to tell Ed. 

"It's..." Al started slowly, then let out another long sigh. "Well, you've studied medical texts. Haven't you ever heard of people having complete personality changes after a heart attack? I heard this one story of a man who had a heart attack, nearly died, and then when he went back home, he suddenly knew how to play piano like an expert, and he'd never touched a piano in his life."

"How is that even scientifically possible?"  Winry said. 

"I don't honestly know," Al said, and Ed wished he could see some of Al's face, so he could better understand exactly what emotion was behind his words. "Maybe it is like Ed is saying and there's two souls switching places. Or maybe the brain is capable of a lot of things we don't fully understand yet."

That much, Ed definitely agreed with. He was pretty sure that even leading brain experts didn't entirely know what was happening inside brains. Hell, he was pretty sure they would even admit that they didn't understand a lot of how brains actually work. 

And then Winry's voice jerked him out of his thoughts. 

"...You're... calling him Ed? Not Brother?"

Ed hadn't even really noticed that Al hadn't called him Brother until Winry pointed it out. After all, this Al sounded so much more like Alfons than he did Al, and Ed had gotten used to Alfons not calling him "Brother." He probably wouldn't have even thought on it long enough to care if Winry hadn't pointed it out in the first place. 

"I can recognize that he's some version of an Ed at least," Al said in a soft tone, his words sounding tight and strained. "But he's not my brother."

Ed swallowed a lump in his throat, his thoughts flicking back to a conversation he'd had with Noah years ago. 

"Wait, so you always call him by his full name?"

Ed blinked, turning back to look at her. "Yeah...?"

'Well, it's just..." She shrugged. "Earlier, I thought I heard you say Al."

Ed frowned. "He's... not Al." 

"Then Al is...?"

"Al is my little brother's name," Ed said flatly, swinging his coat on and heading out of the apartment. 

It seemed like only fair play to have the entire situation reversed on him. Even if the logical part of his brain was telling him, "Of course he's not calling you Brother, you're not his brother," it still somehow stung. And he was sure that if there was any sort of afterlife, then Alfons was probably watching the entire thing with a hefty dose of bitter laughter.

"See, it's not so fun when you're on the other side of being shut out, is it?" Ed could almost hear him say. 

Ed decided that he didn't want to hear any more of the conversation, and he took a few steps backward, trying to silently put some distance between himself and the two of them. When he was a good enough distance away, he walked down the hall again, this time trying to make his footsteps purposefully loud. 

"Oh, hey guys," he said when he turned the corner, as if he'd just stumbled on them by accident. "Good thing I found you. Our, um... Our rooms are somewhere around here, right?" 

Winry had been somewhat reaching out towards Al, and he pulled away from her to look over to Ed with a tired sigh. Ed nearly flinched at the eye contact. Al looked... completely exhausted and done with him. And something about that somehow stung even more than Al outright saying they weren't brothers. Winry bit her lip, then gave Al a small pat on the shoulder. 

"It's okay, I've got it," she murmured before turning to Ed and holding out a hand. "Come on, let's go to bed."

Ed almost felt like a child, taking her hand and letting her lead him through the hall and away from Al, but he kept his mouth shut as the two of them walked, his gaze focused on the floor. 

"I..." Winry started hesitantly, slightly squeezing her fingers against his hand. He wondered if that was a habit, seeking reassurance from the person who was supposed to be her husband. "I'm sorry, if it was painful for me to talk about... that girl. I don't... I don't know what kind of history you have with her, and I realized that I could be digging at one of your old wounds by saying she's your girlfriend, so. I'm sorry if I hurt you." 

Ed stopped walking, staring at her and blinking. "You... You've really matured. A lot." 

"So have you," Winry said with a small laugh. "It's just easy to forget when you're used to seeing it every day." 

"Yeah, I guess," Ed muttered, looking down at the floor again. Still, something about what she said put a tiny swell of pride in his chest, even with all the hurt that was currently stored there. Winry thought he was mature, and something about that made him determined to prove that it was true. 

"I'm sorry I overreacted," he said quietly. Honesty. He needed to aim for honesty. Winry valued him being honest with her more than she valued him protecting her feelings. "I... The girl who taught me that song... She confessed that she was in love with me the day I disappeared. And I was trying to figure out what I was going to do when I..."

He trailed off, his mind flicking back to that day that felt like forever ago. And then he'd seen Winry's doppelgänger while he was trying to get some simple eggs, and... what? He'd panicked? Had second thoughts? 

The thought hit him like an arrow to the chest, hitting the breath out of him. Second thoughts.

He remembered back to when he had split up from Al and Noah, how he had smiled at her and mentally promised that he would be back. He hadn't been planning on running away. He'd been planning on getting his thoughts in order and then going back and talking with Noah. Not even once considering her not being a part of his future, even after that kiss that had terrified him.

To even have second thoughts meant his first instinct, his first thought had to have been not questioning so much. If he hadn't given any thought to Winry that day, he probably would have eventually come around to the realization that he loved Noah, too. He probably would have gone home and made some sort of quip about danger never scaring him off of things before, even if he would have still been terrified of ruining something as perfect as Noah loving him. 

And then he'd seen Winry again for the first time in four years and he had somehow ended up questioning every single one of his life decisions. 

Why had she needed to show up right then? Couldn't the universe have just let him forget about her?

"You should tell her how much you love her when you get back," Winry said with a small smile. "Though. Just, as a little advice, I would recommend avoiding yelling it at her. And complicated alchemy symbolism. And pointing." 

When you get back.

The words rattled around like a shard of glass in his brain. Right. Right. He still hadn't told Winry about the conversation he'd had with Kai the night before, hadn't had the guts to break it to her. She still expected that the plan was that they'd find a way for them to switch back. And Kai wasn't planning on switching back. 

Kai wasn't planning on switching back.

And Ed was in love with Noah.  

Just the thought nearly ripped a pained scream out of him. As if it hadn't already hurt more than he could bear when he'd thought he was forever being separated from Al. But to realize he was in love with Noah? And he would never even be able to tell her? Would never be able to get more than that one frantic, terrified kiss? It felt like he was being ripped in half. Maybe he was actually being ripped in half, for all he knew, half of him still left behind in Germany. 

"Sure, I'll tell her," he gritted out, trying to fight the tear that slid down his cheek. 

He stayed quiet as Winry led him the rest of the way to the room they were sleeping in and showed him the loaner pajamas that were stored in a small cabinet. He went through the motions of it all, trying to look at the problem in his head from a million different angles. 

By the time the two of them had turned out the lights and crawled under the covers, he had a small inkling of an idea beginning to take shape in his mind. 

"Goodnight, Ed," Winry mumbled. 

Years ago, he had compared living in another world to being like living in a dream. Alfons had eventually snapped him out of that one, making him actually realize that there was no such thing as a person who was less "real" than another person. Sometimes it still felt like a dream, sure, but he'd come to admit that maybe sometimes something could be a dream and still be real at the same time. 

But that had been a different situation. He'd had his own body, could invent whatever backstory he wanted for himself, could decide exactly what connections and relationships he wanted. He hadn't jumped into someone else's life. This was one of those dreams that immediately assigned you a role to play. And sometimes the only thing to do with those dreams was to just take the role you'd been handed. Otherwise, you were left with the kind of pain he was currently feeling, like being in love with someone who was suddenly impossible.

So if Kai really insisted on not switching back, then... Ed would just have to become Kai. 

"Night, Win," he muttered, burying his face deeper into the pillow. 

Chapter Text

After Noah had broken the news that Ed wasn't planning on switching back, the snowball fight didn't seem to have the same fun that it had started with, and soon the three of them were trudging back through the snow to the apartment. The air between them was tight and uncomfortable, and it almost made it feel a little hard to breathe, even though Ed knew there was nothing physical happening to the air. But Noah had gone completely silent, staring at her feet as they walked. She was giving off a vibe that she would cry if she so much as looked at Ed. 

Al was also silent, but in a completely different way than Noah. There was a... sharpness to him that Ed wasn't used to, his shoulders tense and eyebrows furrowed, his hands jammed in his pockets as he kicked at the snow with each step. The one time Ed tried to catch his eye, he almost felt like Al's glare had burned a hole through him. 

And so the three of them continued in silence back to the warmth of the apartment, coats and hats being hung up without a word spoken between all of them. Noah immediately scampered off to her room and shut the door, and even if she hadn't slammed it, it still made Ed feel like he'd lost all the progress he'd managed to make with her so far.

Al stayed where he was, looking over at Ed as if he was watching to see what he would do next. Ed sighed and ran a hand through his bangs. 

"I've got that... movie-spy-espionage... thing that Fritz Lang wanted me to do tonight," Ed muttered. 

"I know," Al said with a shrug as he kicked off his shoes. He then headed over to the bookshelf, grabbed a book, and then plopped on the couch, tucking his feet up beside him. 

Ed raised an eyebrow as he watched Al. "Are you... mad at me?" 

Al didn't even flick his eyes up from the book. "Of course not, Ed."

It was said in a bright, cheerful tone, but Ed couldn't help but still wince. Just hearing Al say his name instead of "Brother" made it sure sound like Al was furious with him. But then again, this was technically a different Al, even if they were both Al. Maybe he was just giving off different signals than Ed was used to. 

Ed sighed and ran a hand through his bangs, trying to figure out what to do in the few hours before he needed to leave. Part of him wanted to try and power through fixing the automail as quickly as possible so that he would be able to use it instead of the clunky clockwork limbs he was currently stuck with. But on the other hand, something Sylvan had said was still nagging at the back of his mind. 

I have this journal in the suitcase under my bed. I used it to keep track of deals and things I was doing. You should read it so you know what all is going on.

Considering how much Noah had already snapped at him just for thinking he'd read the journal, Ed wasn't particularly looking forward to reading it on purpose, even if he had Sylvan's blessing. But the thought of going into potential life-and-death situations without any sort of information made him even more nervous, and it seemed like a perfect opportunity with Noah in her room, anyway. 

"Um, Sylvan... Er, Ed, he uh, told me that I was supposed to read this journal of his..." Ed stammered. Al looked up from his book, raising an eyebrow. 

"Do you need me to help you find it or something?"

"No, I, uh..." Ed rubbed the back of his neck, looking away from Al. "I know where it is." 

"Then why exactly are you telling me?" 

"Uh..." Ed frowned and blinked, looking back to Al. "I just thought... Well, Noah got awfully mad the other day when she thought I'd read it." 

"You don't have to ask for my permission for everything," Al said in a flat tone. "If Brother said you need to do something, then I'm sure he knows what he's talking about." 

And then Al was absorbed back into his book, his eyes flicking back and forth over the page as Ed stood there awkwardly. Somehow, he still felt like he was doing something wrong, even with Al giving his blessing. If that could even be called a blessing. 

Ed sighed and shook his head. He didn't have time for this sort of drama. He had to be going to some sort of weird movie that this Fritz Lang guy wanted him to see for whatever reason, and he needed to make sure he was prepared. He didn't have time to waste on everyone around him having feelings because they wanted him to foolishly jump into switching back without any sort of plan. Ed sighed and stormed off to the bedroom, leaving Al on the sofa with his book. 

The journal was still on the nightstand where Ed had left it the first day he had shown up. He hesitated, his hand hovering over it for a minute before actually picking it up. Something about it still felt wrong, even with it being his double's, even with the permission he'd been given. Even so, it wasn't like he could just refuse to do things that needed to be done just because it made him uncomfortable, so Ed sighed and picked up the small journal, flipping open to the beginning. 

3.10.1921

No one in this world will understand this language anyway, so I guess I don't have to bother with a code anymore. Relief? Not really. I feel like shit today, but I guess that's expected on October 3rd. Funny how I can go from burning my home down and not looking back to turning into a worthless heap just because I can't go home. You would think I would have learned by now-

Ed winced and flipped forward in the book. Sylvan had told him to read the book to catch up on deals, not to pry into his feelings like this. He didn't need to know every detail of what Sylvan had been feeling when he'd been stranded in a different world. 

Then again... Ed paused and frowned at the book. At one point, Sylvan had been going through the exact thing he was going through now. Well, okay, maybe not exactly, considering Sylvan hadn't been a dad or stuck in someone else's life. But he had gone through all the emotions of being stuck in a world that wasn't his and separated from the people he loved. Maybe he'd had some sort of realization at some point that could help. Maybe it could help Ed understand how his double was looking at the whole situation. 

Ed took in a deep breath and flipped back to the beginning of the journal. 

You would think I would have learned by now how to keep going even when it feels like the world is ending, but I guess that doesn't get easier, no matter how many times you do it. 

"Fucking preach," Ed said, letting out a bitter chuckle. 

He found himself easily sucked into the journal, even if he didn't entirely want to admit it. After all, it wasn't as if he regularly found books where the author thought and spoke exactly like him. He had to keep reminding himself that it wasn't actually a book, but a journal of experiences that had actually happened to Sylvan. He read his way through the conflicted feelings Sylvan had living with Hohenheim, his decision to travel to Germany, the wave of emotions he felt when he met Alfons, the amazement and joy he had over learning how rockets worked, the bitterness at realizing that rockets would only travel through space and not through the Gate... 

And then there was a familiar name jumping out at him. 

I ran into a doppelgänger today that I wasn't expecting. Rosé's double. Apparently, in this world, her name is Noah. I definitely see a lot of the similarities between her and Rosé, but there's also this... fieriness that wasn't there with Rosé. It's kind of endearing. 

I'm still not sure what exactly I think about these... mind powers of hers. Supposedly she can see people's memories just by touching them. She touched me, and she was able to tell that I didn't have a home, but maybe she's just really good at reading people. 

Then again, there was a weird... genuineness to how she said it. I don't know. I can't put my finger on it, but something in my gut says she's not making this up. Not to mention that she definitely didn't make up those people who were trying to take her away. She's too nice of a girl to just have enemies like that unless there's something they want to use her for. So I don't know exactly how it works, but. I don't know. I've seen a lot of weird things so far, why not add psychics to the list, huh?

And then the journalling cut off abruptly, replaced by fragmented notes about parallel worlds, some place called "Shamballa," and a rough sketch of a circle with some confused scribblings of notes beside it. And then, a single empty page with only two sentences scrawled on it. 

Alfons is gone. 

And it's my fault. 

Ed stared at the page for a long minute, his mind flicking back to one of the first conversations he'd had with this world's Al, how he had been terrified at the thought that both the Ed and Al that originally came with this world had died. He hadn't pictured it like this, where his double had gotten attached and almost started thinking of Alfons as a second brother of sorts. But the words on the page didn't waver no matter how long he stared at them, so eventually, Ed took in a slow breath and turned the page. 

I nearly caused a couple of worlds to go to war with one another. I don't know if Amestris would have even survived, or what all could have happened. All because I couldn't bear the thought of being separated from Al that much, couldn't just grow up and learn to deal with the hand I've been dealt. 

I nearly left Al behind in Amestris. If he hadn't followed me...

It's just... We've got to do better than this. I have to do better than this. I'm supposed to be the example, and I'm out here willing to let the entire world burn as long as it means I have Al. I can't keep doing that. It's just like I said to Al. We can't keep acting like our dreams are the only things that matter. 

Ed frowned at the journal, gripping it until his knuckles turned white. Sylvan had actually considered just leaving Al behind and staying in a new world on his own? Then why wasn't he thinking like that now? What was the difference? Why had he gotten so mad at Ed for making the same choice he had once nearly made himself? 

And then it hit Ed like a lightning bolt. 

Noah. 

Ed was at a different point in his relationship with Winry. They had been together so long that it sometimes felt like he could feel what she was feeling. He felt like he knew exactly how scared she felt, even if she was a world away from him. He also knew that he would rather bear any pain—even the pain of being apart from her—than bear the thought of anything happening to her. And he knew she felt the same way about him. 

But that didn't mean he didn't remember the early stages of being in love, the puppy dog yearnings and butterflies in the stomach, the feeling that even being away from her for five minutes was an unbearable eternity. Sylvan had only ever kissed Noah once, there was no way he was past those early stages of love. Hell, the guy was still trying to deny he was even in love in the first place. Ed frowned, trying to think back to when he had felt like that with Winry. 

He was hit with a sudden image in his mind of Winry pressing her hand into his, making him promise to hold on to her earrings until she could get them back. And he tried to think of how he would have reacted if someone had told him right then that he would never get to see Winry again, even if they both lived. 

Ed let out a deep sigh. No wonder Sylvan was so frantic. 

But a transmutation to theoretically undo a toll that had been in exchange for two lives? Human transmutation was impossible. Impossible. The fact that they were still alive in any kind of way was a miracle in itself! But then Sylvan wanted to turn around and try to undo that toll? How were they supposed to survive that? What if the rebound was much bigger than the two of them?

What if they ended up being like their father and accidentally murdered an entire country overnight?

No. Now was not the time to be getting all cocky and saying that a chance was still a chance and worth a shot. Some chances had an acceptable potential loss. Some didn't.

After all, they had died, and Sylvan was proposing they do a transmutation to undo that. He was proposing human transmutation. Impossible human transmutation. That was all it was. Ed could hardly even believe that his double hadn't learned that lesson after everything they had been through.

Ed had at least grown enough that he could recognize that proposing such a plan was literally suicide. No, thank you. He would rather adjust to a new world.

He sighed and glanced up at the clock on the nightstand, and realized that it had somehow gotten to 6:15 in the time he had been reading and thinking about his double. Amazing how fast time could fly over something as simple as getting sucked into thinking about this not-quite-his life. Ed stood up with a groan and shoved the journal in his back pocket. Maybe he would have another spare minute at some point to read some more. 

"I guess I'd better get going," Ed said as he opened the bedroom door. Al looked up from his book, closing it with a snap. 

"Okay, I'll get my coat." 

Ed blinked and tilted his head at Al. "Oh, uh. I thought... I thought it was just me going. I don't know if... this Fritz Lang guy was planning on you coming or not."

"Doesn't matter," Al said, not even looking up as he pulled on his shoes. "I'm coming." 

The thing Ed really wanted to say was why, but he bit his tongue. Al had clearly been upset all day, and poking at it right now could cause a huge explosion of emotions that he wouldn't be able to fix before he had to leave. So instead, he tried gently nudging Al without outright calling him out. 

"Well, he was supposed to leave a ticket for me to pick up because I said I couldn't pay for it, and I don't know if he left two tickets."

"Then I'll buy a ticket if I have to," Al said, jamming an arm into his coat.

Ed frowned. They'd eaten cabbage soup for days straight, and Al was willing to just buy a movie ticket on a whim? "Can you even afford that?"

"Don't care."

"What if they're sold out?"

Al snorted and rolled his eyes. "Then I'll punch an usher in the face and steal his uniform."

Ed spluttered, taken aback by the answer. "Al!"

"What?" Al said with a sigh. "Come on, that's not even unreasonable by your standards. You're only allowed to get angry if I joke about killing the guards."

Ed's eyes widened. "Alphonse!"

He hadn't really noticed much of a difference between them until then, but now that Al's emotions had shifted into high gear, Ed was starting to see the differences between the two Als. And this one... maybe scared him a little bit. He was burning with an angry intensity that he wasn't used to seeing come so easily from Al.

Sure, he knew Al was every bit a sarcastic little shit as he was, deep down. And sure, he also knew that Al could be downright ruthless when he needed to be, he had seen that much with Pride. But something about the way this Al seemed to casually stroll through his own darkness scared Ed a little bit.

It almost made Ed think that if he told this Al that trying to make him and Sylvan switch places might destroy entire countries... Well, would that bother this Al? Would that even make him pause to reconsider? He wanted to say yes, of course, it was Al. It wasn’t like Al was the sort of person who could willingly cause any kind of harm. But to see Al bitter and jaded left Ed questioning these things he thought he knew.

“Noah?” Al said, giving a couple of light knocks to her door. Ed used the opportunity to pull on his own coat. “I’m going with Ed to the theater.”

She appeared from behind the door, her eyes slightly tinged with red even though she had obviously tried to hide it. Ed’s heart twisted at the sight. But what could he even say that would be able to make it better and not worse? Sometimes, pain was just there no matter what you did.

“Be safe,” she said in a soft voice before wrapping Al in a tight hug. When the two of them pulled away, Noah glanced at Ed with wide eyes before biting her lip and looking away.

“It’s okay if you want to hug me,” Ed whispered. “It’s not like I’ll bite or anything.”

Noah hesitated for a minute, then lunged forward and wrapped him in a tight hug. Ed jumped slightly at the contact, surprised at the ferocity of the hug, but then he reached out and hugged her back, closing his eyes and trying to think of something comforting.

The first image that popped into his head, naturally, was his mom, folding him against her apron and smelling of fresh bread and rosemary. Home.

When the two of them pulled apart, Noah's eyes were glistening.

"Thank you," she whispered, giving his hands a small squeeze before letting go.

And then he and Al were slipping out into the cold winter air. 

The two of them walked mostly in silence to the theater, which unnerved Ed in a way he couldn't even fully describe. Something about Al going silent just felt wrong, like it was the sort of thing that only ever happened when the world was ending. But Ed didn't exactly know what he could even say to Al that wouldn't just make everything a thousand times worse. He almost wished that Sylvan were there just so he could ask what to do. There was something so unfamiliar about this Al, something almost a little dark, something that maybe intimidated Ed a little bit. 

So this was why Sylvan had been worrying about how Al would react. Al was like one of those bones that got healed ever so slightly out of alignment, and now, even if they were healed, they were healed in crooked ways that still needed adjustment and additional healing. Ed sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

Al had explained that they'd been separated for a couple years and everyone had said Sylvan had died, but...

Ed had always known in the back of his mind that Al wouldn't react well to him dying. It was just something you knew if you knew Al. He was just one of those people who was nice to everyone, but only really opened up to a couple of close people. He knew how much Al clung to him. But he'd tried to ignore the little thought in his brain of what if this terrible thing did happen to Al, and what if it was such an emotional blow that it turned him...

Well, what if a little darkness turned Al into Ed? Ed couldn't stand the thought.

Which was why he had always been a little protective. Maybe a little too protective sometimes, sure, but Ed was willing to take on just about any wound if it meant he could prevent Al from suffering like he had. And now he was facing down an Al who had clearly broken under the strain of losing his brother once, and now Ed was threatening to do it to him again.

No wonder Sylvan had been so worried. 

Ed bit the inside of his cheek as he walked, kicking at the snow with his shoes. Unfortunately, understanding more of what was going on didn't come with any sort of magical insight as to what he could do, and he was left feeling helpless as Al stewed in his dark aura. 

It turned out that Fritz Lang had actually left a spare ticket waiting at the theater, thank goodness. Ed hadn't really wanted to see Al dish out food or rent money just to follow him, but he also knew better than to stand in Al's way when he was in a mood like this. At least Fritz Lang must have seen something similar happen enough times before that he had learned to count on Al being there as a possibility. 

Their seats were right at the back of the theater, which made Ed have a few questions on top of the questions he already had. If you were theoretically treating a friend of yours to seeing your movie, wouldn't you want to make sure they had the best seats possible? Granted, the back was probably at least better than the very front of the theater, but if you could pick any seats in the theater, why the back? Ed had a feeling it had to do with whatever the secret mission part of the movie was. 

"So was there a reason you were supposed to come see this movie?" Al hissed as the lights dimmed and the opening music started.

Ed shrugged, keeping his eyes on the screen as it whirred to life. "I dunno. He just said that he thought I'd be interested in some of the 'plot elements,' and that Sylvan had inspired the movie or something."

"Huh." Al clicked his tongue and turned to look at the screen himself.  

At first, Ed had absolutely no idea what this Fritz guy had meant by that. The story was intriguing, sure, a movie set a hundred years in the future where a wealthy elite class ruled over a working class that powered the machines that kept the city running. Some of the shots left Ed gaping at the screen, wondering how they had figured out such large, futuristic sets. It honestly felt like some fantastical future. 

And then the scene cut away to the inventor, Rotwang, and Ed had to bite back a laugh. The first shot of him showed that his right arm was clearly a prosthetic, one that almost seemed like a flesh limb. Probably because it was just makeup—of course they hadn't hired someone with a prosthetic when finding an actor with exactly the right missing limb was like hunting for a needle in a haystack—but it still left Ed amused. Rotwang was even wearing a trenchcoat, the connection was obvious. So that was what he'd meant by inspiration. 

But then the scene shifted, and they were suddenly focusing on the grave of a woman, Hel, the mother of the protagonist. The protagonist's father and Rotwang were talking, and then Rotwang got a wild glint in his eyes and said, "For me, she is not dead, Joh Frederson — for me, she lives— —!"

Ed winced and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Something about this was familiar in a bad way. 

Frederson pointed out the prosthetic hand, and then Rotwang confirmed Ed's fears, exclaiming, "Do you think that losing a hand is too high a price to pay for recreating Hel—?!"

Inspired is a light way to put it, Ed thought as he watched the scene play out, Rotwang introducing a robot he'd made to bring Hel back. There was a main character who had lost his right arm while trying to bring someone back from the dead, and in the process, animated a hunk of metal. Just how much about his actual life had Sylvan told this Fritz Lang guy, anyway? Because it sure seemed like he knew a lot more than Ed would have guessed. 

Still, the story was compelling, even if Ed felt a little embarrassed at how he seemed to have become some sort of delusional mad scientist in this story. 

And then, as the protagonist was pulling out a secret map he'd found in his pocket, Ed found a piece of paper being pushed into his left hand, as if he'd somehow become a part of the movie himself. Aha. Ed nearly wanted to smirk in victory. So there had been a point to the seats in the back of the theater after all. When he unfolded the paper and held it up to his face in the dim lighting, he could just make out a line of typed words.

Maria will be waiting for you outside the theater when the picture ends. 

Maria? Ed frowned at the paper. That was one of the characters in the movie, but it wasn't as if she was a real person. What could the paper even mean by—? But then he shook it off and tried to focus on the story. He could figure it out at the end of the movie. 

The rest of the movie nearly flew by, a spectacle of dramatic images accompanied by dramatic music. Ed watched as the robot—Hel—was given the face of Maria, only to go among the workers and start sowing seeds of discontent. She seemed to almost revel in the chaos she caused, moving from one scene to another with a cruelly delighted smirk. And Ed was reminded of a line Sylvan had said to him in the void. 

"I brought her back. But I brought her back cruel and broken."

And suddenly, Ed found himself wondering if there was perhaps even more inspiration in the movie than he'd first given it credit for. Maybe he just couldn't catch all the pieces because his and Sylvan's lives had differed too much. 

The very final scene of the movie had the head of the wealthy elite and the head of the workers coming together, joined by the protagonist in the middle. And then there was a title card calling back to a story that had been told by Maria earlier, saying, "The Mediator between the Head and Hands must be the Heart!"

It almost sounded like an alchemical concept to Ed, similar to sayings he'd heard about the unification of Mind, Body, and Soul. But it was portrayed differently in the movie than he usually would have expected, instead showing that the Head and Hands would nearly kill one another off if not for the Heart being there to help them understand one another. Ed wondered if it was supposed to be some sort of code from Fritz Lang, if he had been trying to communicate something specifically to Ed. Or perhaps it was another piece of inspiration, some alchemical concept that Sylvan had babbled about at one point and that Lang had twisted to fit his own story. 

Or perhaps Ed was just overthinking it. Perhaps the phrase was only meant to relate to the story and had no connection to him. Maybe he just had a big head, trying to find the million ways this movie was supposed to somehow revolve around him when it was clearly a work of art made for everyone to enjoy, not just Ed. 

"Well," Al said, looking over at Ed once the lights started slowly coming back on. The sharp edges he'd had earlier seemed to have softened a bit, instead replaced with amusement, and Ed breathed a sigh of relief. "That was... interesting." 

"Yeah?" Ed said, raising an eyebrow. "I definitely caught some of that... inspiration Fritz Lang was talking about, but I was thinking you probably noticed even more." 

"Oh yeah," Al said with a snort. "There was the underground city, the seven deadly sins—"

"Oh, right, they went by so fast I forgot about them." 

"—And of course, Maria had so many similarities to Rosé," Al said, ticking at his fingers. "I think Mr. Lang must want to see Brother get with Noah like every other person on the planet, to have that much of a romance between Freder and Maria." 

"Wait, the protagonist?" Ed said, frowning as he grabbed his coat. "You think the protagonist is based on me? What about Rotwang?" 

"Oh," Al said, frowning and tilting his head. "Huh. Yeah, I guess I could see why you'd think that. I thought he was more like our dad, though."

"Oh." Ed blinked, taken aback. He didn't want to think too long on the fact that a character could either be inspired by him or his dad and it would be hard to tell the difference. How many differences had they had between their two lives, anyway? Had Sylvan's Hohenheim gotten automail at some point or something?

"So was there anything else we had to do?" 

"Hmm? Oh—" Ed shook himself out of his thoughts and held the note still clenched in his left hand out to Al. "I guess we just came to the movie so we'd have a convenient meeting spot for someone." 

"Maria?" Al said, frowning at the note. "But she's just—" 

"I'm sure it will make sense once we get outside," Ed said with a shrug. "Who knows, maybe Fritz Lang arranged for us to get autographs with the actress who played Maria." 

Al snorted. "That doesn't sound like—" 

His words trailed off as they walked out the front door of the theater. The rest of the movie-goers were trailing down the street, leaning into arms and chattering about the movie, but one figure still leaned against the ticket booth, wearing the same dress that Maria had worn in the movie just minutes before, only now it was lavender instead of the film's greyscale. 

"Well," Winnie said, her mouth tilting up into an amused smirk. "Small world. Let me guess, you're looking for Maria?"

"Goddammit, where is he?" Sylvan muttered, pacing in the whiteness of the void. One would think that most people would get discouraged by pacing in a space where you never go anywhere and never get tired, but that person has clearly never met an Ed. Eds are just a determined bunch like that. 

So determined, in fact, that I was starting to get tired of his determination. 

Y'know, pacing has never made the world turn faster, no matter how hard one might push against the ground, I said with a sigh. Especially if there isn't even any actual ground to speak of.

I was rewarded by him jumping as if I'd startled him out of his skin. Thankfully, skin is more of a concept than a reality in the Void, so we were spared that particularly gruesome picture. 

"Don't do that!" he snapped, brushing at his chest as if he'd somehow gotten dirt on it. 

Do what?

"Jumping out of nowhere!"

Is it jumping out of nowhere, or jumping out of everywhere? I said with a shrug. Or is it even jumping at all? If I'm All, then I can't really jump, because to jump means there's something to be jumping away from.

"For fuck's sake," Sylvan muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Could we do the alchemy philosophizing some other time? I'm really not in the mood right now."

I shrugged. That's usually the sign that you most need to work on it. If it's easy, you're not really learning anything, are you?

"Maybe," he snapped with a roll of his eyes. "But I'd really rather not. I don't feel like character growth right now."

So what are you in the mood for? Moping?

"No!" Sylvan snapped instinctively, then paused, his mouth hanging open. "I mean. No. I'm not moping." 

So you're just pacing in the void because it fills you with immeasurable joy?

"Maybe!" Sylvan snapped, going back to his pacing, his arms crossed over his chest. Ah, yes, the Ed-patented-petty-pace. The pace of "I maybe wouldn't be doing this anymore if you hadn't called me out on it, but now that you have called me out on it, I have to keep doing this to prove you have no power over me." Classic. 

"It's because he's late," Sylvan muttered, not looking at me as he kept pacing. "The fucking coward is avoiding his feelings." 

Ah, yes, because you've never, ever hidden from your feelings, I said with a nod. You didn't, say, spend years in a world telling yourself it was all a dream and nothing mattered because that was easier than actually letting anyone past your walls.

Sylvan slightly tripped over one of his own feet, managing to catch himself while still avoiding looking at me. Like he could actually avoid looking at Truth just by focusing on something else. That's a particularly persistent lie Eds like to tell themselves. 

What you need is a change in perspective, I said with a sigh. He is You and You are Him. Instead of looking at him as everything you hate about yourself, why don't you try actually giving yourself the benefit of the doubt for once in your life? Imagine they were your kids, and this was your one and only chance to see them every day, and you never know if one of the times you see them might be the last. Would you skip something like that just because of feels?

He opened his mouth, but I steamrolled past him before he had a chance to say a word. And if you did, wouldn't that mean that the feelings are big enough that you deserve, oh, I don't know, some space to work through them?

Sylvan frowned, his steps pausing even though he kept his gaze trained on his feet. 

Have a little faith in yourself, I said. And maybe try giving yourself a little credit now and then.

"W-Winnie!" Ed stammered, looking over her. The street was fairly dark, but she happened to be standing right beneath a streetlamp, making her lavender dress and pale blond hair seem almost like they were glowing in the night. "You're Maria?"

"Well, no, obviously not," Winnie said with a snort and toss of her head. "But for the purposes of the note you got, I'm the Maria you're looking for." 

The longer Ed listened to her talk, the more he thought he could hear the American in her accent. She didn't roll her Rs quite like Al and Noah did, and there was something about the way she said German words that made it almost seem like they were clacking around in her mouth. It was interesting. And different-sounding than Winry. 

"Wait," Al said, taking a step forward and frowning as he held up a finger. "So you're working with Mr. Lang? Were you doing that the whole time, or—?"

"Why don't we walk and talk," Winnie said, pulling her coat fully over her shoulders so the top half of the dress was hidden. "Are you two just headed home after this?" 

"Uh..." Ed blinked, but fell into step beside her as she started walking. Al naturally took up her other side. "I suppose so? Unless you need us for... something?" 

"Oh, no," she said, waving her hands in a dismissive gesture. "You're not here to help me! I'm here to help you!"

Ed cocked his head to the side. "I'm... not sure I follow?" 

Winnie paused in her footsteps, making Ed and Al crowd around her as if they were sheltering a flame from the wind. She glanced around as if she was afraid of being overheard, then leaned in towards the two Elrics. "I'm here to help you get to America. Because you asked Mr. Lang for help in getting there." 

"I did what?" Ed said. 

"He did what?" Al said simultaneously, looking over at Ed as he said it. 

Winnie started walking again, the two boys falling into step on either side of her. 

"Mr. Lang has it all planned out," she started in a low tone, glancing at the both of them as if it were any other casual conversation friends would have while walking down the street. "I have four tickets for us to board a boat from Bremen on February third." 

"My birthday?" Ed said with a disbelieving snort. "D'ya think he did that on purpose?" 

"Knowing him, probably," Al muttered. 

"We have a couple of safehouses arranged for the way there," Winnie continued speaking as if she hadn't been interrupted. "We'll stay with them during the night, and then they'll take us to the next location. Mr. Lang said he was trying to make sure there wouldn't be complications and that... everyone would stay safe on the journey. He said you had complications with traveling before?" 

Ed had no idea what Winnie was referring to, but he saw the way the blood drained from Al's face, so he tightened his lips and nodded. 

"So you'll want to pack pretty much just what you can carry," Winnie continued with a nod. "We'll have some decent room on the way there, but trust me, the boats are cramped, you don't really want to have more than will fit at your bunk." 

It suddenly hit Ed what exactly she was proposing, and he slightly tripped over his own feet before catching himself. This wasn't just a simple trip to another city. Hell, it wasn't even a trip to another country. It was moving to a country that would take a boat to get to, aka an entire ocean away. This wasn't just a simple little "do anything this Fritz Lang guy says" task anymore. This was a life-changing move, the kind of decision one didn't make on a whim. And Winnie was talking as if she expected them to go home and pack right away. 

Well. Ed winced as he thought about the timeline. His birthday was only a week and a half away. It wasn't like they really had time to waste. 

But still, he hardly even knew what Germany was like, let alone what this whole new country of America could be like. Surely Sylvan hadn't been planning to just pick up his entire life and go running to another country? Why would he even do that? Hadn't it already been enough to pick up and start over again in a new world? Why would he want to do that again? There had to have been something that had gotten misinterpreted at some point! Sylvan wouldn't have told him to just do anything from this Fritz Lang guy with the intent of one of those things being moving to a new country. 

"W-Wait," Ed stammered, pausing and gasping for breath. His mind flicked back to a rainy night in the graveyard, and he desperately pushed it away. No, this wasn't like when Al had called him, this was different. 

"You sound like we're leaving tonight or something," Ed continued, pressing his hand against his chest. It wasn't hurting, but he was scared that if it did, this time he wouldn't get a second chance. As if him holding on to his heart could prevent it from breaking. 

"Well, no, not tonight," Winnie said with a careless laugh. "But tomorrow morning? Or... Do you need more time to arrange things?" 

"Yes!" Ed gasped, his voice rasping against the word. "I don't even know if I'm ready to move to- to move to-!" 

"Um. Sorry. Hang on, let me just talk to my brother for a minute," Al said, grabbing Ed's left elbow and squeezing it as he walked the two of them a couple of steps away from Winnie. 

"What are you doing?" Al hissed, almost throwing Ed's arm back against his side. "Did Brother tell you to do this?" 

"To do what?"

"Suddenly stall on moving to America!' Al said, throwing his hands in the air with a groan. "I had no idea Brother was this close to actually finding a way to do it, but that doesn't mean he hasn't been talking about this for months! If he was here, I'm pretty sure he'd be trying to talk Winnie into leaving tonight, not trying to put it off even longer. So what are you doing?" 

"W-Well..." Ed stammered, reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. 

"Brother's been saying for a while that he thinks the Great War wasn't the end of fighting, but more of stoking a fire that was already there. Everything has been getting more expensive, jobs have been getting harder to find, hell, my job has become a weapons factory, Ed," Al ranted, waving his arms around. "And on top of that, we've had to watch Noah get attacked several times! I'm scared for her safety every time I go off for the day! Brother's been saying for a while that he thinks the only way for all of us to stay safe is to move to America. What could be more important than all of that?" 

"I... It... It just seems so sudden!" Ed stammered, raising his hands up helplessly. He struggled to think of words to fully describe what he was feeling, but felt himself scrabbling against nothing. "It... It's... It's scary!"

"Oh no, the great and mighty Fullmetal Alchemist is scared," Al scoffed, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest. "It's one thing to be a coward who sits down and refuses to put any effort into switching back with Brother. But if you're going to take over his life, don't just throw it away by sitting on your ass and refusing to act!" 

It was the first time Al had actually acknowledged the tension that had been hanging in the air all day, and it left Ed staring at him with his jaw hanging open, struggling for words. 

"Winnie," Al said, turning back to her and away from Ed. "Sorry, it's just with my brother having had that heart attack I mentioned the other day, travel is a little more... complicated than we're used to. I mean, I'm scared about what might happen if he has a second heart attack right now. Is it okay if we wait a little bit to see if he stabilizes a little bit more?" 

"Oh, that's understandable," Winnie said, biting her lip and frowning. "Well. We can put it off for up to a week. After that, I don't think we could make it to Bremen on time." 

"That's plenty of time," Al said, closing his eyes and letting out a small breath. "I don't see how we wouldn't know in that amount of time. Is there some way we can contact you?" 

"Oh, I'm just at a hotel a little ways from here," Winnie said, reaching into her pocket. "Here, I have the number for the front desk, actually."

She was occupied with pulling a piece of paper out of her pocket, but Ed frowned, distracted from the conversation. Something smelled different. Acrid, and thicker in a way that was oddly familiar. He could also hear some sort of sound in the distance, something loud and sustained, like perhaps some sort of siren. 

And then it hit Ed why the smell was familiar, and he spun around, looking at the horizon. 

Sure enough, there was a plume of smoke in one direction. 

"Shit, looks like there's a fire," Ed muttered, wrinkling his nose as he looked in the direction of the smoke plume. Al looked up from grabbing the paper Winnie was offering him, his head spinning to match up with the direction Ed was looking. 

"That's the direction of the apartment," Al said in a soft voice. Ed frowned, his eyebrows scrunching together.

"I'm sure it's not our place that's on fire," he said softly, turning to look at Al. The younger Elric kept his wide eyes trained on the horizon as he bit at his lip, and Ed felt his confidence waver. "...R-Right?" 

After a long minute, Al finally looked away from the smoke, his blue-gray eyes piercing through Ed's. 

"Noah," Al whimpered. 

We've had to watch Noah get attacked several times! I'm scared for her safety every time I go off for the day!

And then Ed was flying through the streets, his coat streaking out behind him as he ran, praying that he was overreacting. 

Chapter Text

Please don't be our home, please don't be our home, please don't be our home, Ed chanted in his head as he ran, the words matching up with the beating rhythm of his feet against the pavement. He was hoping the plume of smoke would stay in the distance as he got closer to home, but he was realizing with growing dread that it was actually doing the opposite and looming larger in the sky the closer he got. 

And then it dawned on Ed that he hadn't been thinking of it as "Al and Noah's place," or even "the apartment," but home. Somehow, even with the unfamiliarity of Germany, within the span of just a few days, he had somehow gotten... attached. And now he was in danger of losing this place he had only just begun to think of as home. The thought nearly knocked him off his feet, but he didn't have the time to be distracted by world-changing revelations. 

Ed kept running. 

Reader, despite whatever Ed might have told you at some point, I'm not evil. I genuinely wish I could say that he ran back to their apartment and was relieved to find that the fire was in a completely different part of town. But even in parallel worlds, I'm afraid there are always cruel people who do cruel things, often to good people. 

The apartment was burning. 

"Noah!" Ed screamed, his voice cracking around the word as he came skidding to a halt, his coat swinging around him. Other people stood in the street, the orange light flickering over concerned faces. Ed's breathing hitched in his chest as he desperately looked through the crowd, trying to catch a glimpse of the familiar dark braided hair. "Noah!" 

She had to have gotten out. She had to be okay. She had to. Ed had promised to take care of her, he couldn't go back to Sylvan and tell him— Ed let out a strangled sound and ripped off his coat, throwing it into the street and lunging toward the building. And then there was a hand grabbing his automail and jerking him back. 

"Don't!" Al snapped, and Ed spun around to glare at him. 

"But what if she's—?" 

"Going in just puts you at risk in addition to her!" Al growled, his fingers tightening against the fabric of Ed's sleeve. "And you have two limbs that could break down in heat like that! Don't be stupid!" 

Ed hesitated, glancing between Al and then the building, then back to Al again. He clenched and unclenched his fists, letting out a strangled sound as he looked back helplessly. Firefighters were already rushing the building, dark silhouettes against the orange night. Ed tried to pick out details from their second-story window, but all he could see were flames leaping outward into the night sky. 

Where was she? She should have already gotten out, should have been among the people crowding on the street and looking towards the building with worried murmurs. If Noah wasn't already there, then... Ed cut himself off with another pained whimper. No. She had to be okay. She had to be. 

And then there was a dark shape running out of the building, a shape with something familiar to the way they moved, even with a large bundle clutched to their chest. Ed broke away from Al's grip, rushing forward with a cry. The silhouetted person turned toward him, and it was clear from the way she moved that it was Noah, even with only the light of the burning building to see by. 

"Ed!" she called out, but he was already closing the distance between them, pulling her tightly against him. 

"Where were you? Why didn't you get out right away? Goddammit, Noah, why—" he babbled, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to even out his breathing. Ed clutched her against him, his chest heaving from the adrenaline. She was covered in soot and smelled of smoke, but dammit, she was alive. Noah's arms were pinned between them, still holding the hard lump of a bundle she'd carried out of the building, but she still leaned into his hug all the same. 

"I'm sorry, but I had to grab the automail! I didn't know how you would manage if you didn't..." she trailed off and paused as they pulled apart, her face wrinkling into a worried frown. "I hope I got everything, there were so many pieces and—" 

"Noah," Ed said, grabbing both her upper arms and squeezing her slightly. "I don't care about fucking automail more than you. Whatever you grabbed, I'll figure it out! I'm just grateful you're alive!" 

"Noah!" Al cried, coming up to the pair of them. Ed took the bundle from Noah's arms as Al reached out for another hug so she could actually hug him back. It looked like she had grabbed a quilt (probably from her room, considering he didn't recognize it) and had thrown the two automail limbs and all the pieces that had been on the dining room table into the quilt bundle, the corners tied together at the top. The pieces clinked together as Ed readjusted, sniffing and leaning his shoulder up to wipe away the tear that had ended up on his cheek. 

Goddammit, he had gotten awfully attached in just a few days. 

"What happened?" Al said, pulling away from Noah with a worried expression, his hands still gripping at her forearms. Noah's eyes darkened, looking over to Ed.

"Well, it was quiet for most of the time you were gone. But then a little bit ago, there was this knocking at the door," Noah started slowly, her eyes flicking back to Al, then back over to Ed again. "It sounded... angry. Really loud. So I went and looked to see what was going on through the peephole, and there were these angry men I didn't know. I figured it was too late for anything official, and that they could always leave a note if they needed, so I just... Stood behind the door and watched to see when they'd leave." 

She shivered, pulling away from Al and wrapping her arms around herself. Ed immediately felt a pang in his heart at the sight. Noah was the one who always seemed like she wanted more touch, always asked for permission, always was scared of someone pushing her away. And she was pulling away from the touch that Al was freely giving. 

And then it struck Ed that there had already been a couple of instances of him managing to see one of her memories, and that seemed like something that would easily add another level of fear to the worries she already had. Of course she was scared to touch Al when she was recounting something that terrified her. She wouldn't want to make him relieve her fear. 

"Hey, Al, could you hold this?" Ed said, nodding down at the automail bundle in his arms. Al nodded and immediately reached out to take the burden from Ed's arms without even asking questions, which left Ed oddly grateful. He then reached out to Noah, wrapping her in his arms as he thought back to a memory that felt like it had worn a rut in his brain from how many times he'd replayed it. 

Resembool was right at that perfect temperature where it wasn't too hot or too cold, where you wanted to go outside and just bathe in the air and how it felt so bright and sunny and yet cool and refreshing. It was the perfect temperature for a nice walk. The perfect temperature for coming home.

"Are you okay?" Ed said, frowning as he leaned over his younger brother. Al had stopped to sit and catch his breath on a short stone wall, and was leaning over his knees like he was utterly exhausted, his crutch leaning against the wall next to him.

"I didn't think my muscles had atrophied so much," Al said, giving a weak laugh.

"Want me to carry you?" Ed said. Who knew how much longer he would even be able to carry Al from here out? Al was already gaining muscle fast, and as much as Ed hated to admit it, he was sure Al would outstrip him in terms of growth in no time flat. Might as well enjoy being the bigger brother during the precious little time he had left.

"Nah," Al said, giving him a soft smile. "That's okay. I'll walk on my own legs."

Ed grinned back at him. It was odd how Al's voice was probably the most familiar sound in the world to Ed, and while it still carried a note of that familiarity, there was also a sudden twist of unfamiliarity with it now. It was no longer the perfectly preserved voice of a small child, but the voice of someone who was on the brink between childhood and adulthood, cracking in awkward places and having a touch of resonance that left Ed bewildered with how unfamiliar it was. But even so, the fact that Al's voice was suddenly changing still filled Ed with a swell of joy. Al was growing. Al was changing. He wasn't stuck being a recording of a memory anymore. He was alive.

"It's okay if you want to go on ahead, Brother," Al said, nodding at the road ahead. "I'll come back at my own pace. I know you're anxious to see Win—"

"No fucking way," Ed said with a laugh and toss of his hair. "We left home together, and we're going home together, just the way I always promised we would."

"Brother..." Al's expression was amused, but there was a flicker of concern in his eyes. He reached for his crutch, staggering slightly as he got up.

"Nope, nope, don't start," Ed said, holding out a hand to Al to help him get up. Al nudged Ed's hand away and pushed himself up from the wall, sighing as he looked over at his older brother. "I'm not leaving your side. Nothing so far has scared me away from always sticking by your side, and nothing ever will. No matter what new bullshit happens, no matter how dark things ever get, and no matter what teenage hormones might do to fuck up that level head of yours."

"Brother!" Al laughed, pushing at Ed's shoulder. Ed swayed slightly from the touch, but more because he was playing along with Al and less because there was any actual force behind the push.

"That's what family does," Ed continued with a grin, ruffling Al's hair. God damn, it felt good to do something as simple as messing up his younger brother's hair. "Nothing you can do will ever get me to leave your side. Sorry, bud, you're stuck with me."

"Oh no," Al said in a flat tone, though his face was stretched into a wide grin. "And I was trying so hard to get rid of you. But you're not going to leave no matter what I do?"

"Nope!" Ed grinned, laughing as they started down the road again.

"Not even if I crack non-stop short jokes?"

"Come on, Al," Ed said with a snort and roll of his eyes. "I know you're eager to experience everything you missed out on over the past few years, but I think you should probably wait a few weeks until you try getting punched." 

"You're family too," Ed said, squeezing Noah. "You're not going to be able to get rid of us, no matter what happens." 

Noah looked up at him with wide, watery eyes, then bit back a weak sob, clutching at his left arm wrapped around her. She then turned to look at Al, taking in a shaking breath. 

"I thought they were gone," she continued in a soft voice. "It went quiet, and when I looked out the peephole, they weren't there. I waited a little bit, but it seemed to stay quiet for a while, so I thought... But then there was... I heard one of them yelling... he said..." 

Noah's words trailed off, a shiver wracking her body despite the burning building behind them. Ed frowned and gave her a squeeze, trying to comfort her.

"He said..." she started again, her voice shaking. "He said that..." 

Noah was pacing the apartment, wringing her hands and glancing back to the door every now and then, wishing Ed and Al would just walk through it already. She knew it was silly when she was safe as long as she stayed in the apartment, but she couldn't shake the bad feeling she had in her gut. She went back to look out the peephole. Nothing. She went back to look out the window, only pulling the curtain back the tiniest of cracks to look through. Still nothing. 

And then, something. A sound from the direction of the door. She nearly went flying back to the peephole, praying it was a couple of familiar faces. 

"My dad once got foxes on his property," a sneering male voice said. Noah couldn't see where exactly it was coming from, but she knew from the sound that it wasn't Ed or Al. 

"Nasty, vicious things," the voice continued. "They think they own the whole farm. They stole my dad's crops, killed his rabbits and chickens, made a mess of the fields... but no matter what he did, they wouldn't leave. They're smart like that. Turns out, the only way to get rid of nasty, lying vermin like that is to smoke them out."

Noah was about to turn away from the peephole, thinking it was just a random conversation she had happened to overhear. But then there was smoke coming in from the crack at the bottom of the door, and she stared down at it with wide, terrified eyes. 

"Burn their home down, and they go running with their tails between their legs."

"This was done on purpose," Ed said, gasping for breath at the memory as Noah continued to grasp for words. "They set fire to the apartment complex, to our home, to other people's homes because... because..." 

"Because I'm a gyspy," Noah finished weakly, looking to Ed. When their eyes connected, he could see the tears threatening to spill from the corners of her eyes. He hugged her tighter against him, trying to communicate everything through his touch that he didn't know how to say with words. There just weren't words for something like this, nothing that could be said to make it better. 

And then he could pick out a familiar shape among the shadows highlighted by an orange night, and he strained to get a better view. 

"Hey, I think that's Winnie," he said, nodding toward Al, who turned to look in the same direction. Ed threw his right arm into the air and waved in her direction. "Hey! Hey, Winnie, over here!" 

"Are you all okay?" she said, jogging up to them, her gaze flicking between their faces and the burning building behind them. "Is that your...?" 

"Yeah," Al said slowly, turning around to look back at the building himself. Ed found himself feeling the irony of the moment for a second, the fact that all these years later, in a completely different world, he still somehow had ended up watching his house burn down with Al and Winry.

No. Winnie. 

"Well..." Winnie said, taking in a slow breath. "You... You're all welcome to stay at the hotel with me if you'd like. I'm sure Mr. Lang wouldn't mind. I'm sure he'd agree with doing whatever was necessary to make sure you're all safe. And I think we can get away with hiding you all there for a while, just long enough to get the paperwork ready to get us all back to America."

"Back?" Ed spluttered. "None of us have even been there in the first place!" 

"I'm from there, you idiot!" Winnie growled, her eyes flashing with a spark of rage. It was all so oddly familiar and unfamiliar at once that Ed found himself frozen for a second before he felt himself wheezing out a laugh, and Winnie huffed at him. "What's so funny, anyway?" 

"Nothing, nothing," Ed said, waving his right hand dismissively. "Probably just one of those trauma laughs because I'm so relieved to be alive or whatever." 

"Um. Maybe we should get you guys somewhere you can sit down," Winnie said, frowning and raising an eyebrow at him. She then turned to Al as Ed picked his coat back up off the ground from where he'd thrown it earlier. She nodded at the quilted bundle in Al's arms. "Would you like some help with that?"

"Oh." Al looked down at the bundle in his arms as if he had almost forgotten it was there. "Sure. Thanks." 

He tipped the bundle into Winnie's arms, something that seemed like it was supposed to be familiar, putting automail back in the hands of the mechanic. But Winnie staggered under the weight, barely managing to hold on to the bundle and looking at Al with wide eyes. 

"What do you even have in this thing, a whole person?" she spluttered. 

"Well, half of one, at least," Ed muttered with a chuckle. 

Ed wasn't entirely sure what he had been expecting in the first place when Winnie had offered to share her hotel room with them. After all, it was only a hotel room, it wasn't as if she actually lived in the city. But he still found himself feeling surprised when they walked into the room and found themselves staring at two double beds. 

"So obviously the married couple will share a bed," Winnie said, gesturing at Ed and Noah. She then glanced over at Al. "And we'll have to work out some sort of arrangement for the other bed. But... Well, it's better than nothing, right?" 

"Right," Al sighed, giving her a small smile of relief. 

"The married—" said Noah.

"—share a bed?" Ed squeaked. 

Winry snorted at them and rolled her eyes. "Oh, for goodness' sake. It doesn't matter if the two of you share a bed in the same room as other people. You're married, there's no reason to split you up and make you both lonely while making everyone else even more awkward. It's not unseemly for married people to cuddle in public." 

Ed was inclined to agree, but that sentiment didn't exactly mean the same thing when he and Noah had only ended up accidentally pretending they were married in the first place. When he shot her a nervous look, she blushed and avoided his eyes. Winnie then turned to Al, putting a hand on her hip as she looked him over. 

"So, you're the one who actually exists, right? I mean, you have actual paperwork?" 

"Um... yes?" He cleared his throat. "I suppose I do."

"Excellent," Winnie said with a nod. "Then you and I will be married."

If Al had been drinking water right then, he would have spat it out all over everyone present. But since he hadn't been drinking anything at the moment, everyone was spared from Al's little spit-take, instead getting him coughing and looking over at Winnie with wide eyes. 

"We— We WHAT?"

"Just on paper, silly," said Winnie. "It'll be easier to forge convincing travel documents if we're presenting as a married couple."

"Oh," Al said, suddenly realizing that he wasn't actually getting a proposal. Then, a second, sadder, "Oh."

Ed raised an eyebrow as he watched the two of them, wondering if maybe there were some extra differences in this world that Al hadn't been ready to admit to yet. After all, there had been those years he'd vaguely talked about when he and Sylvan had been separated. Without an Ed to constantly be obnoxiously in the way, he could picture Winry and Al learning to lean on one another with their grief. Maybe the two of them had bonded in a different way than his Al and Winry had. 

"So anyway," Winnie said with a shrug. "Feel free to get comfortable, there's a shower and bath if you want. I still have to go make a phone call to tell Mr. Lang how everything went tonight, which I'm sure he's going to want to hear. Al, feel free to sleep in the spare bed for now, I don't know how long I'll be out anyway." 

"Well, what about when you get back?" Al said, frowning at her. 

"There's an armchair," Winnie said with a smile. "I've been sleeping in the bed up until now, and you just had your home burn down. I think you should have it for tonight. We can figure out a better arrangement tomorrow." 

Before Al had much chance to argue with that arrangement, Winnie had managed to slip out the door with a cheerful wave goodbye. The three remaining people all looked at one another and seemed to let out a collective sigh together. 

"So, that's it, then?" Ed said, biting at his lip as he sat on the edge of the bed. "We're just going to America?" 

"What else would you recommend?" Al said, raising an eyebrow. "We don't have a home anymore, and it's literally because people tried to hurt Noah—" 

"I-I think I'm going to take that shower. I feel all smokey and gross," Noah interjected, standing up from the armchair she had curled into. She paused and glanced down at the soot-covered dress she was wearing and picked at it with a couple fingers "Is... there anything else I could wear?"

Despite having not had alchemy for years, Ed's first instinct was to offer to transmute the smoke out of her dress, realizing the split second after it popped into his brain just how impossible that really was. He glanced over at Al, who gave a helpless shrug. It struck Ed just how tricky of a situation they were really in. Everything they'd owned was currently a pile of ash in a pile of rubble. They didn't have anything more than the clothes on their backs and the bundle of automail on the table. 

How were they going to get through this? 

"We can ask Else for a favor tomorrow and see if she has anything she was planning on getting rid of," Al said with heavy sigh. "But for tonight... I don't know. I'm sorry, Noah." 

"Here," Ed said, frowning and pulling at his suspenders. "You can take my shirt. It's not exactly clean, but at least it hasn't been directly in the fire like your dress." 

He knew from personal experience what it was like to deal with clothes that had been dragged through fire, how no number of washes could seem to get the smokey smell out, how it would stay strong and itch at your nostrils no matter how much you tried to get the smell out. The only solution he'd ever known was alchemy—though then the clothes had a smell of alchemy hanging off them forever instead. He'd just found he wasn't as bothered by that smell. But in a world where he couldn't even ask Al to transmute for him? Ed wasn't sure if there was any way to save the clothes in that case. 

Noah blushed and looked away as he took his shirt off, but she didn't reject the clothing when he pushed it into her hand. As he did so, an image floated into his head of tossing the embroidered shirt she'd given him the other day on a pile of laundry. A pile of laundry that was now in the remains of a burned building. 

"Oh, no," Ed murmured, his eyebrows creasing into a frown. Noah snapped her face to look at him, her eyes going wide with worry. "I just realized that the shirt you embroidered for m—for him—Noah, I'm so sorry. It must be gone by now." 

Her expression shifted, settling instead into a gentle smile, an expression that reminded him just a little bit of his mother, somewhere between amused and affectionate. She squeezed his hands and said, "I'll make you another shirt."

"But it must have taken you so long..."

"I'll make you a hundred shirts if you want," Noah said, her smile widening a tiny bit. "As long as I have you around to make the shirts for. It doesn't matter what we've lost, as long as we hold on to one another."

Ed opened his mouth, instinctively thinking to remind her that she was really talking about Sylvan, not him. But then her words sank in a little deeper, and he paused. 

It doesn't matter what we've lost, as long as we hold on to one another.

Of course she was right. He didn't even doubt where she had learned to think like that, considering how many times he'd said similar sentiments in his own life. But he had been so busy thinking about everything he'd lost that he hadn't stopped for a minute to consider what he'd managed to hold onto. Sure, Noah and this Al weren't the family he was used to, but they were still family. Even if he had technically barely had time to get to know both of them, it still also felt like he'd known them forever. He still loved them, still thought of the space they had shared together as home. 

Somehow, even though he'd lost everything, he'd also gained everything. 

Equivalence, he thought with a bitter chuckle. 

"You're right," he said, smiling back at Noah. 

After that, she hurried off with Ed's shirt to take her shower. He awkwardly slung his suspenders back over his bare chest. He nearly laughed at the sight. Aside from the fact that it was slacks and suspenders, the look still kind of reminded him of how boys had worn overalls the same way growing up. You could put the country boy in city clothes, but apparently, the country would still remain. 

He was almost tempted to immediately crawl into bed after the day he'd had, but then it hit him that Noah would get embarrassed if he left her to just crawl into bed next to him without him telling her it was okay. Not to mention that he had no idea how she even felt about potentially sharing a bed with him, and he didn't want to make her sleep somewhere else after the night she'd just had. He still had some adrenaline to work off before he could sleep properly anyway, so he shrugged and settled down at the table, pulling apart the knot in the blanket to see just what he was working with for the automail. 

After a few minutes of silence, there was a soft question from the direction of the beds. 

"Are you okay?" 

Ed didn't look up from the automail, frowning as he carefully sorted the bits and pieces collected on the blanket. How was he even supposed to answer such a question? Within the span of a day, he'd had to cope with the idea of never getting to go home again, then had suddenly gotten hit with this whole "moving to America" concept, and before that had even fully settled, he'd been terrified he'd lost Noah, and suddenly had to deal with having no home and no belongings. And this time, it hadn't even been on purpose!

But he was still going. Because he had to keep going, no matter what. Because there were people he loved counting on him.

"I'm okay enough," he murmured, giving a half-shrug. Even if they were technically acquaintances, Al could still see through his lies in a second, so Ed knew better than to push it any further than half-truths. "It was a hard day. But. You know. We've gotten through worse." 

"Yeah," Al murmured. When Ed looked over his shoulder, he saw that Al was sitting on the bed with his knees curled up to his chin, staring at the wall with his arms wrapped around himself. He looked so scared and... small for a moment that Ed nearly ran over to smother Al with a hug. Most of the time, Al seemed to wear their age difference really well, so well that Ed had forgotten that they had a bigger age gap to begin with. But seeing him curled up and looking so worried brought the reality crashing back. Ed sighed and put down the handful of pieces he'd been looking at, then crawled on the bed and pulled Al into a hug. He stiffened for a second, but then he was burying his face against Ed's shoulder and hugged him back tightly. Ed could feel a couple wet spots on his skin as Al sniffled. 

"It's okay, buddy," he murmured, reaching up to rub at Al's hair. "It's okay. We're going to get through this. I'm here." 

"But you're not. You're not here," Al said, his voice cracking and his hands tightening into fists around the suspenders.

Ed knew exactly who those words were intended for, and it wasn't him.

"You left me behind. Alone. Again!" 

Ed just stared at the sobbing boy hugging him, his heart cracking at the venom and pain that was behind the words he spat out. He didn't need Ed there to comfort him. He needed Sylvan. He needed his brother. But Ed couldn't just be Sylvan, that was the whole problem. What would Sylvan even say to Al right then, anyway?

And then he remembered what it had felt like when he had first figured out how to tap into the part of his brain that understood German. It wasn't that Sylvan was gone, not completely. Memories existed at least partially on a physical level, and that was still around, even if the spirit was confused. Maybe if he could do the same thing he'd done with language, if he could somehow transmute his spirit together with the knowledge Sylvan had left behind, then maybe... 

"I'll never leave you, Al," he murmured, the words jumping to his lips before he'd even had much chance to think them through. The words sounded different than how he usually spoke, just a touch softer and yet rougher around the edges. And he somehow just knew that it had to be the way Sylvan usually spoke. Al pulled away from him in a blur, staring at him with wide, hopeful eyes. 

"Sorry," Ed said, frowning and shaking his head, trying to push his voice back into Kai range. He frowned and tapped at his head with a finger. "We have't switched back, he's just... he's not gone. Not really. There's part of him still up here. Sometimes I can feel it." 

"Oh," Al said, deflating. "Yeah. I sometimes have that with Heiderich too."

Ed blinked at that particular development. "Really? But... You two didn't swap bodies, right?" 

"I saw the world through his eyes a few times when I was dreaming," Al said with a shrug. "But no, we didn't do a full switch like you and Brother."

"But... Why? I mean. How? How do you tap in his mind if you're... y'know, not in his mind?" Ed said. His brain was quickly shifting gears and moving into Curious Scientist Mode™, but at least Al was one of the few people who understood that phenomenon. Okay, maybe Al wouldn't understand the humor of something like using the TM symbol as a joke, but give me a break. I should be allowed my fun moments as a narrator. Phenomenal cosmic powers and whatnot. 

"Why would I have to be in his mind?" Al said, frowning at Ed. "Sure, maybe we didn't live the same lives, but it's not exactly hard to understand where he's coming from." 

"Huh."

Ed frowned as he turned that particular thought over in his mind a few times. The way Al spoke made it sound as if memories weren't tied to just the mind or body, but the soul. Not even the soul on a lower level, but the higher self, the... "Greater Ed." Which he supposed made a certain amount of sense, considering Al hadn't gotten amnesia the second he'd awoken in a suit of armor. He supposed Al would understand the spiritual nature of memories better than most people. But before he had a chance to ask further questions, the bathroom door swung open, and Al was jumping to his feet. 

"Ooh, my turn for the shower next!" 

At least Al seemed to have cheered up a little from their talk, though Ed wasn't sure if he could explain what exactly about the talk had been comforting. Noah came out of the bathroom with wet hair, Ed's shirt only barely managing to cover her before showing off a good chunk of her thighs. He let out a cough and looked away, hoping he wasn't blushing like a teenager. He'd forgotten that Sylvan's body was a good couple of inches shorter than he was used to, which meant his shirt wasn't as helpful of a covering as he'd expected. 

"Um, you're welcome to the bed if you'd like," Ed said, getting up and moving back to the table, trying to occupy himself with automail again. Al hurried into the bathroom, clicking the door shut behind him. 

"What about you?" 

"Oh, I..." Ed shrugged, trailing off as he picked up a wire, turning it over in his hands with a frown. "I'm fine." 

"Ed..." 

Even if Sylvan and Noah weren't married, even though Noah was definitely not Winry, Ed still recognized that tone. He sighed and put the wire down, lacing his fingers together as he turned to look at her. 

"Okay, look," he said slowly. "I don't have a problem with sharing a bed. We're both adults, it doesn't matter. But I would never want you to feel uncomfortable or anything. So. It's your call. I'll go along with whatever you're okay with. Alright?" 

Noah looked back at him for a long, quiet moment, then nodded. 

"I think... I think I'm okay with sharing the bed," she said slowly, but then frowned and looked down at her feet. "But... I should warn you about something first."

"Warn me...?" Ed repeated, blinking. 

"Yes. My powers are stronger when people are asleep," Noah said, still not meeting his eyes. "When I touch people while they're sleeping, I... I can see what they dream. Though... I've never done it while I'm sleeping too, so I don't know for sure what will happen then." 

"Oh," Ed said, slightly taken aback by this new piece of information. And then the realization of what he dreamed about every night hit him, and he swallowed a lump in his throat. "Oh. Uh. Then, Noah, I should probably warn you that, uh... Well. I talk to the other Ed every night. Any dreams I have will probably involve... him." 

The two of them were silent for a long minute, and he could see the slight shine of tears at the corner of her eyes. 

"I could see him?" she whispered. 

"I don't know if you be able to... y'know, talk to him or anything," Ed said, rubbing at the back of his neck. "But I didn't want you to end up... surprised or anything. If... If it's okay."

"Of course it's okay," Noah said breathlessly, her hands flying up to her chest. "Will he know I'm...? Will you tell him that I'm...?" 

"Sure." Ed felt himself smiling at her, and he gestured towards the bed as if he were tucking her in like Teddy and Zaza. "But we should probably get to sleep soon. The only night I ever didn't see him was the time Al and I stayed up all night." 

"Huh. Funny," Noah said, frowning slightly as she tucked herself under the covers. "You'd think time zones wouldn't apply across worlds." 

"Yeah, you'd think..." Ed said, frowning to himself. The thought hadn't really crossed his mind before, but now that she mentioned it, she had a point. 

Sylvan was driving me crazy. Which is a lot to say of a being that's all-knowing. Well, no, actually, it's very little to say. Knowing everything tends to put one right on the precipice of madness at all times and all it takes is a particularly strong gust of wind to end up madder than a March Hare. Needless to say, an Ed is at least a little more potent than a strong gust of wind. 

"Why isn't he here yet?" Sylvan groaned, throwing his hands up in the air. 

See, that's going to look really stupid in about... Eh, two seconds, I said with a tired shrug. 

"Why would it—"

And then Kai was there, making Sylvan freeze in his tracks. 

"Thank fuck," Sylvan breathed, rushing over to his double and grabbing both his upper arms. "What the hell is wrong with you, anyway?!" 

"Sorry," Kai said, squirming out of Sylvan's grasp so he could rub at the back of his neck. "There was... a lot. It was a long day." 

"A long day?" Sylvan repeated, the fight flying out of him at the expression on his double's face. See? Just like I said. Two seconds. "Wait, what? What... happened?"

I told you he wouldn't just skip out for no reason, I called out in a sing-song voice before letting myself vanish into Nothing. They didn't need me, anyway. They were going to be much more preoccupied with one another for the time being. 

"Look, before I explain everything, there's something I should—" Kai started, but he was cut off by a vague mist appearing next to him, slowly wavering into a more solid shape until Sylvan recognized them. 

"Noah," he breathed, his attention flying away from Kai in an instant, reaching out for her. His hands passed right through hers, though, and she still remained only faintly there, more like a reflection in a pond than a person. She opened her mouth as if she was trying to speak to him, but no sound came out. Sylvan spun back to Kai. "Why is she—" 

"She's seeing my dreams," Kai said with a sad smile. "Weird, though. I guess she reacts to the space differently since she's getting here in a different way."

Sylvan turned back to look at Noah with a pained expression, like everything he ever wanted had been placed in front of him underneath an unbreakable glass dome. He reached out for her, his hands hovering just a centimeter away from her, like they could both pretend they were actually touching in a space where nothing existed. Noah opened her mouth again, but this time it was easy to read her lips, the single word as obvious as daylight.

Edward. 

"Noah," Sylvan whispered back, his eyes burning into hers. He opened his mouth, but nothing else came out as he stared helplessly at her. 

Kai almost considered just turning around and pretending he wasn't there, but then it occurred to him that he wasn't even sure if Noah could experience the void fully, or if she was stuck to just seeing what he saw. So instead he was stuck as yet another helpless observer, painfully too familiar with the emotions flitting across Sylvan's face, because they were the same things he felt whenever he saw another memory of Winry that wasn't his. He reached out and nudged his double's shoulder. 

"Tell her," Kai murmured, nodding at Noah. Sylvan frowned and shrugged Kai off, his fingers hovering closer to Noah as if he wanted to grab her for support. 

"What am I even supposed to say?" he whispered. 

"Whatever I can't." 

Sylvan thought for a long moment, his jaw slightly twitching as if he was using his mouth as a holding place to sort through all the words he wanted to say. 

"If I could do it again," he finally whispered, leaning in towards Noah, "If I could do it again, I'd kiss you back this time. Hell, I'd go out to buy a ring, not eggs." 

Noah just stared back at him in silence, tears spilling from her cheeks even as a grin cracked her face. 

"I'm sorry that I..." Sylvan started, then winced and shook his head. " I mean, I'm sorry I'm not..." 

He trailed off as Noah put a hand near his face, as if she were holding his cheek. 

I love you. 

Sylvan stared at her for a long moment, silent tears trailing down his own cheeks before he finally swallowed and whispered, "I love you, too." 

Noah just nodded, as if it were simple to her, as if she had always known, even if she needed the confirmation. She then turned and shot a look at Kai, saying a bunch of words that he couldn't hear. That didn't stop him from knowing that she was telling him he had to tell Sylvan everything that had happened that day. 

"Right," Kai said, wincing and nodding. Sylvan looked towards him with a frown, knowing Noah was lecturing, but not knowing what she was lecturing about. Kai took in a deep breath. 

"So there was a fire at your apartment today."

Kai tried to fight the wave of memory that washed over him, but it was still so freshly ground into his mind, to the point that he could almost still feel the adrenaline singing through his non-existent veins. The white space flared to life around the three of them, turning to darkness and sparking orange. Sylvan stared at the building in horror, his coat swinging around him as if he'd just stopped running. 

"Noah!" he screamed, his breath hitching over the word. "Noah!" 

Noah looked over at Kai, her mouth turning into a sad frown as she saw the part of the memory she hadn't been a part of. He gave a weak smile in return, as if he were admitting that it felt as bad as it looked. The memory faded away as his concentration was distracted, and Sylvan pulled out of it and spun back to Noah and Kai, his eyes wide and horrified. 

"Wait," he said, his voice cracking as he hurried back to Noah's side. "You're here. Does that mean...? You're not..."

Noah immediately held her hands up, waving at him in clear denial, looking over to Kai for assistance in expressing her thoughts. 

"Everyone's safe. And alive," Kai said quickly, and Sylvan let out a breath, his shoulders relaxing. "We just... lost everything. And..." 

He paused, rocking backward on his heels as if he was suddenly unsure of what he had started saying. But it also wasn't like he could stop now that he'd started, so he took in a deep breath, closed his eyes, and continued, "Someone did it on purpose. Because they wanted to hurt Noah." 

"Fuck," Sylvan muttered, turning back to Noah with watery eyes. His hands twitched at his sides as if he wanted to pull her as tightly against him as possible and never let go again. 

"And... I had contact from Fritz Lang..." Kai started softly, knowing he would never be able to pull the words back once he'd said them. "He's worked things out for us to go to America." 

He had wanted to be angrier when he shared that particular piece of news, wanted to jab Sylvan in the chest a few times and demand why he hadn't given him a heads up about plans on moving to another continent. But it was different with Noah there, staring at Sylvan in a way that made Kai's heart break. Who was he to whine about 'oh no, moving, wah, I don't like things changing' when she'd just had her life threatened? In a way, it was like these tickets to America were Sylvan's last gift to her, promising her he'd keep her safe even if they were worlds apart. And goddammit, Kai just couldn't fuck that up. 

"Thank god," Sylvan said with a relieved laugh that almost sounded a little manic. "There he goes with his perfect timing again. When do you all leave?" 

Soon, Noah mouthed, smiling, but Kai cut her off. 

"I've actually got something I'm a bit worried about," he said, rubbing at his chin. Noah and Sylvan both turned to look at him with confused frowns. He considered them both for a moment, biting his lip. "Noah said this thing right before we went to sleep. She said, 'You'd think time zones wouldn't apply across worlds.'"

"Huh?" Sylvan blinked, looking over to Noah and then back at Kai. Noah shrugged in response, looking back to Kai. 

"You were waiting for a while here without me, right?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Okay, well, we went to bed way later than usual because of everything," Kai said, spreading his hands out with the explanation. Sylvan just looked at him as if he'd grown another head, so he sighed and continued, "It means that somehow, despite this literally being Nowhere, it's still connected to time. To our time. If we don't go to bed at the same time, it means we don't see each other." 

"Okay, and?" Sylvan said, raising an eyebrow. "Just don't be a night owl, then. What's that got to do with anything?" 

"Because!" Kai groaned, throwing his hands in the air. "How do you think that gets affected when one of us moves to another continent? How many hours apart are Germany and America?" 

Sylvan's face paled, and he bit his lip. "W-Well, we can figure it out. Maybe one of us will wake up late and the other will go to bed early or something. I'm sure it's not a big deal."

"Are you sure we don't have to be in the same area to keep a connection with one another?" 

"What? No, that's ridiculous. Like, some kind of a radius to world-hopping magic? I don't think so." 

"Well, do you know what's happening, Mr. Fancy World Traveller?"

A long silence followed that, with Sylvan tightening his lips as he scowled at his feet, like he couldn't stand the idea of Kai pointing out something he hadn't noticed. 

"Look, I'll move to America," Kai said, letting out a deep sigh at the end of his sentence. He flicked his eyes over to Noah, who was watching him with a worried expression. "Sure, it took me by surprise, but... I get it. It's important. But I don't know if we can manage this move to America and switching back." 

"No, no, not fucking this again!" Sylvan growled, shaking a finger at Kai. "Dude, you have kids and a pregnant wife waiting for you, you can't keep giving me this bullshit about how it's best if we don't switch back. They're counting on you. Hell, I couldn't even tell them today—" 

"And what about you?" Kai snapped back, waving an angry hand over Kai. "You're so deadset on switching back at any cost that you don't even think about what that cost might be! What if the cost isn't you? What if it's Al? What if it's Noah? What if it's my kids?"

Sylvan scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. "What the hell happened to promising we'd never turn into Hohenheim?" 

"What the hell happened to not acting like your dreams are the only thing that matters?" Kai snapped, angrily gesturing his hands towards Sylvan. His double took a half step backward, his eyebrows creasing into a deep wrinkle of confusion and hurt. He scoffed and turned around, waving a dismissive hand at Kai over his shoulder.

"You apparently were once an inch away from leaving Al behind and not worrying about ever getting home, and it's not like I've seen you worrying all that much about getting away from Germany to get home now! So what's the big fucking difference here? What, you can handle the thought of sitting down and doing nothing if it's just you, but if there's another Ed involved, oh no, now we have to do everything we can to get home, even if it rips worlds apart and destroys entire countries! What the hell happened to you?!"

"Maybe I got tired, Ed!" Sylvan snapped, spinning around to glare at his double. "Maybe it drags a person down to constantly be worrying about everyone else's dreams! Maybe at some point, you stop being an optimistic teenager who thinks he can save the world, and you look around and realize—"

Sylvan's voice cracked as if it were thick with tears, even if he didn't even technically have a throat in that space. Sometimes crying is more of a concept than a consequence.

"And you realize there are hundreds, no thousands, of Ninas happening every day in every city," Sylvan continued, wiping at his eyes with the back of his sleeve. "It's so much beyond not being able to save them all, it's... It's realizing you can't even know them all. You can't even make sure they're remembered, let alone anything about saving them. Sometimes it's all you can do just to make sure your family isn't the next Nina." 

He glanced over at Noah, who had glistening eyes of her own, and she reached for him as if to say she wished she could hug him. Sylvan took in a deep breath and turned back to Kai. "And, thank god, today it wasn't my family. But what about tomorrow? And the day after that? And the day after that? When are my dreams supposed to matter? When will the world stop needing saving and stop demanding I sacrifice myself at its altar?!"

The two of them were silent for a long moment, Kai sighing as he looked over Sylvan, then Noah, then Sylvan again. 

"You can't ask me to try and figure out this switch and move to America," he finally said in a low tone. "We don't even know if we'll still be connected after this move." 

"How long do you have?" 

Kai took in another deep breath. "The boat leaves on our birthday." 

"Ironic jackass," Sylvan muttered with a snort, reaching up to rub at his forehead. "Okay. Okay, compromise. You're right, that's a lot to manage at once. So, you just focus on moving," Sylvan said. Noah opened her mouth in silent protest, and he held a hand out to her like he was telling her to wait. "But, I'm going to work on figuring out how to switch back. And if I figure it out before the boat leaves, then you have to agree to let me try it."

Kai raised an eyebrow at him. "And what if you don't figure it out?"

"After that, if we really do lose the connection with one another..." Sylvan trailed off, his eyes meeting with Noah's, his words cracking slightly as he spoke. "...Then we'll just have to live with the lives we're stuck with if I don't manage."

"Are you sure?" Kai said, frowning. "If you can't pull it off, then..." 

"Then I'll just have to pull it off," Sylvan said, his eyes sparking with fire as he spoke. Kai blinked, having never seen that expression for himself, even though everyone had said they'd seen it in him, even though he knew exactly how it felt. "You worry about your side of the deal. You're sure you can get everyone safely to America?" 

Kai snorted and shook his head. "Honestly, I think I'm getting the easy end of the deal. You really think you can pull this off?" 

"Please," Sylvan snorted, tossing his bangs and smirking at his double. "We're Edward Fucking Elric. An impossible goal with a laughable timeline is where we shine." 

Chapter Text

Kai was beginning to realize how ridiculous he must have looked when he and Winry had first gotten together. Sylvan spent the remaining time they had in the void trying desperately to pull together as much information as he possibly could manage, but he still kept making these pathetic puppy dog eyes every time he glanced over at Noah. Even if she kept waving her hands at him to keep working on his planning, Kai could tell that his double was practically pouting over the fact that he couldn't focus his full attention on Noah, even though she couldn't talk or touch him. He nearly considered telling the both of them to just forget trying to do anything useful with the time, because they clearly just wanted to sit and stare into one another's eyes, even if they couldn't do much more than that. 

But he also knew that Sylvan needed to be able to focus on the practical part of figuring out how to get them both home. It hurt less than focusing on just the love, gave him something useful to channel his excess energy into. He needed something to do with himself, even if he kept getting distracted and staring at Noah with those ridiculous goo-goo expressions. 

It wasn't like Kai was against his double finally getting some damn sense smacked into him and coming to grips with love, but damn. It was embarrassing to realize just how sappy he really was. He'd always known he was sappy, of course, but seeing it from an outsider's perspective suddenly slapped it into a new perspective. 

He woke up again sometime shortly after Sylvan had woken up. It felt like it was the middle of the night, but he knew from his own schedule with Winry and the kids that if Sylvan was waking up and dealing with the day, then it probably had to be early morning. It still felt like the middle of the night though, with exhaustion clawing at Ed's insides and begging him to go back to sleep already.

But then there was a sad whimper from the other bed, and Ed felt himself suddenly alert. There was a long pause, and then another whimper and the rustling of blankets. Al. He had to be having some sort of nightmare. Ed had nearly already thrown off the blankets and gone rushing to comfort him when he was interrupted by a soft voice going through a routine that was so close to familiar. 

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Winnie whispered, and the rustling of blankets stopped. "It's okay, you're safe. It's okay, Al. Al? Alphonse, hey." 

And then a shuddering gasp, like Al had been drowning and finally reached the surface. There was silence for a long moment, interrupted only by the creak of what Ed assumed was Winnie sitting on the bed beside him. 

"Are you okay?" she said softly. 

"I..." Al gulped, and there was the sound of another sniffle. "Yeah. I'm okay. Thank you. I... I'm sorry if I woke you up." 

"Don't be silly," Winnie said with a laugh. "Besides, I could hardly sleep myself. I was still going over everything I need to get done in the next few days." 

The two of them had another long moment of silence before Winnie finally added, "It's okay if... you want to talk about it." 

"Oh, I don't know," Al sighed. "It's just typical bad memories coming back to haunt me. I'm okay, honestly. Brother and I have just... been through a lot."

"I kind of figured," Winnie said. "When the two of you were looking at the fire, neither of you really looked scared, just... I don't know. Almost disappointed, I guess." 

Al snorted. "Yeah, it feels like that sometimes. That's a good way to describe it." 

There was another long moment of silence before Winnie finally said, "Would you like me to hold you for a bit?"

Al took in a slow breath, and then, softly, "Yeah. That'd be... That'd be nice." 

There was more rustling of blankets, and Ed snuggled his face deeper into his pillow with a slow grin stretching across his face. Apparently, Al didn't need his help. 

As he snuggled into the pillow and pulled the blankets further over himself, Noah adjusted slightly beside him, tilting her head against his chest and letting out a contented sigh in her sleep. Ed bit back a chuckle at it, thinking about how Sylvan would have probably become a mess of blubbering emotions if he'd seen her do something cute like that. Well. Maybe he would have managed to hold it together. But Ed would have known he was a blubbering mess on the inside. 

There was just something sweet to how innocent and... happy Noah seemed in her sleep. Ed was used to their interactions always having an undercurrent of tension running through at all times, but she was peaceful in her sleep. She wasn't judging him for not being perfectly like the Ed she expected, she wasn't getting silently disappointed at mistakes he couldn't catch in time. When she was asleep, they could all just pretend that everyone was where they were supposed to be and that all was right in the world. He sighed and reached out, gently stroking her hair, and she smiled in her sleep, pushing herself an inch closer to him. 

He finally managed to drift back to sleep, and it was the most peaceful and comfortable sleep he'd managed to have since he'd first shown up in Germany. 

Ed opened his eyes to Winry gently nudging at his shoulder. When she saw his eyes were open, she gave him an apologetic smile. 

"I'm sorry, I hate waking you when you look like you're actually sleeping peacefully," she murmured. "But we've got to get back to the house. I've got clients scheduled today, and the kids are going to need breakfast." 

"Right," Ed said, groaning as he dragged a hand over his face. He didn't feel tired, but he still felt a desperate pull back to the void, wishing he could get even a few more minutes with Noah. Not like it would actually do much, not when the two of them could hardly communicate and he knew he'd always have to end it with leaving her, but... even just having seen her face for the little time he'd had made him feel more capable of dealing with the day ahead of him. 

"Alright, you take the automail and I'll take the kids?" he said, pushing himself into a sitting position with a grunt. Winry paused, looking over at him with a frown that looked like she was thinking deeply. He rubbed at his head with a sigh. "Where are my clothes, anyway?" 

There was a long pause as she looked him over, like she was trying to figure something out. Then Winry sighed, grabbed his clothes from the top of the dresser, and went over to Ed, sitting beside him on the bed as she handed them over. 

"Ed, I'm sorry, this is going to sound really ridiculous, but..." she paused, looking him over as he pulled his pajama shirt over his head and started putting on the shirt he'd worn the day before. "Did you... switch back last night?' 

He paused halfway through buttoning his shirt, his fingers hovering as he looked at Winry with a frown. He could tell that she was trying to keep her face neutral, but she was still leaning forward slightly, holding his arm like that was what she needed to keep herself on the ground. His mind flicked back to the night before, how he had desperately wished he could just slip into the role he'd been given, how it could be so much less painful if he could just shed his own identity and disappear into this other life. How it'd be easier if he didn't have Al doubting every single thing he said.

But Al had been able to tell he didn't belong just by looking at him. Ed took in a shaky breath, turning back to his shirt so he could avoid her eyes. 

"Sorry, Winry," he murmured. The was a small moment of silence from her, and then she slightly squeezed his arm. 

"It's okay," she said, standing up and going back over to the dresser to grab her own clothes. "I knew it was a silly question, anyway." 

Ed tried to leave it at just that, focusing on buttoning his shirt the rest of the way. But it kept nagging at the back of his mind. When he'd first shown up Winry had known something about him was different even before he'd said anything. Now she was mistaking him for her husband. Was she that desperate to get him back? Or...

"Do I sound that much like him?" he murmured, adjusting his sleeve cuffs. 

"Not usually," Winry said, her own voice soft like she was scared to admit to it. "But sometimes you slip out of your accent, and you were talking like you understood the schedule better than usual. I guess you're just getting used to being here. That's good, though, right? It means you're getting more comfortable here." 

Ed frowned and stood up to look at her, a button-up shirt on his top half and pajama pants still on his bottom half. "Do you want me to feel comfortable here, Winry? Doesn't that just mean that I've stayed here longer than any of us planned on?"

"Maybe," Winry said slowly, letting out a deep sigh as she turned to look at him. "But it's still your home. Even if it's not the home you remember. If you'd fallen here on a meteor from the sky instead of switching bodies, I still would have taken you in. Even if I had to fight my Ed every step of the way." 

Ed snorted and shook his head, his mind flicking back to a time when he practically had fallen in on a meteor from the sky. That is, if "meteor" was a fancy word for "aeroplane." He wasn't sure what to say to Winry insisting it was his home, though. On the one hand, part of him ached to agree with her, to say that of course it was his home. But on the other hand... It wasn't really his home, and little details kept smacking him in the face to remind him of that. Like Al not believing him. Like Noah not being there. 

Okay, maybe big details. 

But Ed decided the best choice would be to just bite his tongue and go along with the preparations to go back to the house. Winry didn't need to have a whole debate on whether or not this was actually his home when she had a full day of work ahead of her. 

It turned out that Teddy was already wide awake and ready to go home, but Zaza was still deeply asleep and more than happy to let Ed simply sling her over his shoulder as she kept sleeping and sucking at her thumb. 

They ran into Al on their way out of the kids' room. He was wearing some sort of high-collared, silky, green and gold Xingese shirt, and Ed had to admit that the style suited Al. It was interesting that no matter how many times Ed ran into an Al from another world, they all had that same Al-ish energy, and yet they all had their own slightly different flavors to it, their own unique twist. This Al almost reminded Ed a little bit more of Alfons, just that extra bit more mature and serious, and without the same sharp edges that his Al had gotten. But there was something more confident about this Al than Alfons had been, like he was more used to leading the way and having things go according to plan. 

"I'll meet you all back at the house later," Al said with a sigh. "I still have a bunch of paperwork to go over with Mustang, and... You know him. He's probably not going to want to deal with anything work-related until after nine." 

Ed's brain slowly turned over the words "paperwork," "Mustang," and "work," and he frowned at Al. 

"Please don't tell me you became a State Alchemist," he murmured. Al let out a snort, glancing at Teddy, who was preoccupied with running his finger in the grooves between the bricks of the wall. 

"No," Al said, looking back to Ed. "I'm an ambassador. An ambassador who's been on assignment in Xing for months and is marrying a Xingese princess, which will kind of make it impossible for me to actually go around and do my job, so... I'm pretty sure I won't have a job soon." 

Ed blinked as the new information, and he looked Al over again. A few things clicked into place, like how Al had been so far away and how he was wearing Xingese clothes even now. Ed thought over the idea of Al being in different countries, learning their customs and trying to talk diplomatically with all the foreign politicians, and he smiled a little at the thought. 

"Well, it suits you," Ed said. "Kind of a shame you won't be doing it anymore." 

"It's fine, don't worry." Al grinned at him, and it was maybe the biggest, most genuine grin that Ed had seen from him since he'd arrived. "I'm a terrible ambassador, anyway. I think Mustang would probably tear out his hair if I gave him another report that showed I'd been following Mei around the palace like a puppydog instead of actually doing my job." 

"Well, she agreed to marry you, so I would say something worked," Winry said, and Al laughed. 

"Maybe so, but it was definitely outside my job description!" 

The walk back to the house was uneventful, aside from Teddy excitedly running along the path, picking up hail balls from the night before and examining them carefully between two fingers. It had apparently stayed cold enough through the night that the hail had stayed frozen, and even though it didn't cover the ground completely, it covered enough of the world in white that it looked like snow from a distance. Zaza snuggled into his neck as they walked, and Ed felt himself hugging her tighter against him. 

His mind kept going over the conversation with Al, almost in a state of disbelief. Al was an ambassador. He was getting married. To a princess, apparently. He wondered if it was just that no one had thought to tell him such an important detail, or if he'd heard the information and not thought too deeply on it. He had to admit that it was hitting differently now than it would have a week ago. Actually having a chance to have met this world's Al and see how different he was made the information more real somehow.

There was something about Al getting married that felt like it shook Ed on a deeper level than he cared to admit. It required admitting that Al had actually gone and grown up at some point, and things were changing. They were no longer the two brothers on the road with no one else, the we're-all-we-have-left Elrics. Of course they weren't, obviously, since Kai had gone and gotten himself married too, but something about the thought of Al getting married hit different.

Like Ed was finally realizing for the first time that maybe Al didn't need a big brother to protect him from everything anymore.

But then he shook himself out of his thoughts. So this Al was getting married. And sure, he was happy for his not-brother-brother, but it wasn't as if Ed would still be around for the wedding. It wasn't something he needed to think about. It was Kai's life to deal with, not his. It wasn't as if his Al was getting married, not when they were moving all the way to America. The only woman they would know was Noah, and she was clearly interested in someone else.

Still, Ed admitted to himself, it was probably better if he acknowledged the idea that someday Al wouldn't need him as much. Maybe even to the point of going off and getting himself married.

"Alright," Winry said as they walked back into the house. Teddy immediately went screaming off to his room to play with some toys, but Azami seemed more than content to simply stay asleep in Ed's arms. "My first client comes at nine, so we have a couple hours, at least. We need to get breakfast for everyone, Lucky will need a morning walk—"

She paused in midsentence, holding the back of her hand up to her mouth with a nauseated expression, looking almost horrified at the idea that her body had the gall to experience pregnancy symptoms when she still had so much to do. Ed snorted and shook his head. He still had so much of his own work to do if he wanted to find a way to switch back in a couple weeks, but she clearly needed his help, and it wasn't like Ed could just leave her to flounder.

"I'll deal with the kids, the dog, and breakfast," he said, reaching out and patting her shoulder. "You just get ready for work."

She looked at him like she could kiss him, even if she knew full well that he was the wrong Ed. But then she shook herself out of it and nodded at him with a grateful smile, and then she was hurrying to the bathroom. Ed decided it was better if he didn't ask questions.

"Any idea what you want for breakfast, Zaza?" he murmured. She slightly pulled away from him, rubbing at her eyes with a confused expression.

"Eggies," she said in a small voice. Ed raised his eyebrows at her, not having expected her to actually answer his question.

"Sure, kiddo," he said with a delighted half of a laugh. "Whatever you want. Scrambled eggies?"

Zaza nodded, then rested her head back against his shoulder and watched him with bright eyes. Ed had learned to appreciate soft-boiled eggs while he'd been in Germany, but he still remembered how his mom had made scrambled eggs for him when he was a little kid. He figured that any Amestrian recipes he could remember were probably closer to what Zaza would expect, and he wanted to try and avoid another "the pancakes aren't triangles" incident if he could manage it.

Once he was actually in the kitchen, Ed found the leek he'd bought the other day sitting out on the counter, and his thoughts went back to how he'd planned to make his mom's stew the other day when he'd gotten food at the market. That had ended up getting delayed thanks to the embassy trip, but he figured that at least saved him the hassle of having to figure out another meal. It didn't seem like Winry had much time to cook between automail work and being pregnant. 

It still felt like it was... wrong somehow, to be doing such simple, domestic tasks when his mind was racing with thoughts of how to beat the impossible timeline he'd set himself up against. It felt like he was being forced to stand in one place as the world went racing around him without stopping. Somehow he had to figure out a way the two of them could actually manage to switch back without it killing them. He definitely didn't want to leave Al and Noah to deal with that right as they were moving to another country. 

But he also didn't want them to move to another country without him. 

But how could he be sure of any solution he came up with actually being safe?

Unfortunately, the day didn't seem to agree with Ed's assesment that he needed time to think, and he found himself getting preoccupied with one task after another without much thought in between. First he needed to make breakfast. Then he needed to make sure that everyone actually ate their breakfast instead of mashing it between their fingers for the texture. Then he needed to wrangle the kids into coats so he could keep an eye on them while he took the dog outside. Then they were getting dangerously close to the time when Winry was expecting clients, and Ed had to rush to make sure he wasn't wearing day-old clothes. 

As he was changing his clothes, a scrap of paper fell out of his pocket, and when Ed picked it up to see what it was, he suddenly remembered the extra number he'd grabbed at the embassy. 

Russell. 

The report had said something about Russell studying something to do with parallel worlds. Even though Ed had no idea how plants and parallel worlds could connect, he knew that Russell was one of the few alchemists in the country who could actually keep up with pretending he was Edward Elric, which was certainly no small feat. Which meant that there had to be something to Russell's research.

So the paper ended up getting tucked into his pocket again, and Ed swore that he would find the time to make a phone call at some point in the day, even if it seemed like Winry was going to need more of his help than he'd been counting on. 

Except there still wasn't much chance for him to think about it. Once Winry was preoccupied with her work, it didn't make sense to have her constantly answering the door and checking who had what appointment and what maintenance they needed. So Ed found himself a clipboard of notes near the front door and took on the chaos himself, directing people on where to wait and checking in with Winry as she got through each person on the list. It was a different side of the automail business than Ed was used to seeing. He found there was something deeply satisfying about being the one to comfort a kid who was scared of getting maintenance, showing off his own leg and explaining that he still didn't like maintenance as an adult.

There was finally a free moment at lunchtime, when Winry actually had a gap in her schedule to eat and the kids had both been put down for naps. Ed managed to throw together a few quick sandwiches so he and Winry could eat, and then he was hurrying to the phone with the scrap of paper clutched in his hand. 

There were only a couple of rings before Ed was greeted with a voice he hadn't heard in years. 

"Who is it?" 

Ed let out a soft exhale of a laugh. "You're going to have a hard time believing this, but... Edward Elric." 

There was a long moment of silence from the other end before Russell finally let out a snort. "You're right, I don't believe that. This one of Fletcher's friends?" 

"I'm not joking," Ed said slowly. "I was looking for a phone number in military files yesterday, and I came across you instead. I wanted to ask you some questions about your research with... parallel worlds?" 

Another long pause followed, to the point that Ed almost questioned if he'd lost the connection. But then, a sharp laugh from Russell.

"No kidding, huh? Well, what exactly did you want to know?" 

"Parallel worlds," Ed said, frowning as he leaned against the wall beside the telephone. "What have you figured out about them? And how are plants connected to parallel worlds, anyway?" 

Russell wasn't completely silent at that, instead letting out a low hum. And that was when Ed knew he was in trouble. Because he should have known better than to trust that Russell would just tell him whatever he wanted out of the goodness of his heart. This was Russell Tringham, after all, and they weren't even friends yet in this world. Ed snorted and shook his head. 

"Look, you help me out with this, and I'll get rid of all the charges you got for impersonating me, okay?" 

"Y-You can do that?" 

"Course I can," Ed said, desperately hoping he could. He was friends with the fuhrer now, surely that had to be enough, right? "I mean, it was hardly an impersonation if I'm the one who sent you to run an errand for me, right?"

Another long pause, then, "Would you like to come out and see my research?" 

"Yeah, of co—" Ed started, but then bit his words back with a frown. Even if Russell was still in Xenotime, Ed only had a little less than two weeks to figure out how to hop between worlds. And he was pretty sure that Al and Winry would throw a fit at the thought of him traveling after a heart attack. "I mean, normally I'd love to, but I'm kind of on a time crunch. What can you tell me over the phone?"

Another pause from Russell, and then, "Why do you want to know about parallel worlds so bad, anyway?"

"I—" Ed hesitated, tapping his fingers against the phone base. If it had been his own Russell, he probably would have told him what was going on without a second thought. After all, this was the same guy who had led him to the underground city in the first place. But this wasn't his Russell, this was someone who was technically a stranger to him. And there had been a time long ago when Russell was willing to sell him out if it meant getting what he wanted. He was dangerous if they hadn't actually made peace and become friends. Ed let out a low sigh. 

"It doesn't matter," he said, curling his fingers tighter around the phone. 

"You just call me over the phone, tell me you're Edward Elric, ask me for details on my research but refuse to tell me why you need it, and I'm supposed to just believe it all?" Russell scoffed. "Yeah, sorry, I'm not a sucker." 

Ed groaned and considered banging his head against the wall beside him. "You're the one who's been impersonating me! And somehow I'm the untrustworthy one?"

"Hey, if I'm so untrustworthy, you didn't have to call me for information." 

Ed was remembering what exactly had been so annoying about Russell the first time they'd met. At least he didn't have the guy towering over him this time. And at least Russell wasn't quite as annoying after Ed had spent a few nights in the void talking to... himself. 

He winced at the implication. That meant that technically, he was more annoying than Russell Tringham. 

"Look, if you don't believe that I can actually get your record cleared..." 

"Now, now, I didn't say that! I was just saying, I'd feel a lot better telling you all about my very important research if you maybe gave me a reason to trust you first." 

"What, do you want me to clear your record before you've even told me anything?" Ed said with a scoff of his own. "And how am I supposed to know I'll ever even hear from you again?"

The two of them had another long pause. It was frustrating that Ed knew Russell wanted what he was offering, but both of them were stuck in this stupid impasse just because they hadn't gone through the actual formality of meeting in this world. 

"Why are you so nervous about sharing this stuff, anyway?" Ed finally said. There was a short laugh from the other side of the phone. 

"You wouldn't believe the number of people I've had come around trying to steal my research," Russell said in a low tone. "I don't even entirely know everything I might end up figuring out, but these rich alchemists... They're like vultures, I swear. They just lurk around looking for any kind of good idea and swoop in to snatch it for themselves and take credit right as it starts taking off." 

"Calling them vultures gives them too much credit. At least a vulture waits until something has died on its own before they go taking it," Ed said with a snort. He paused for another minute, trying to figure out a way that he could somehow solve the problem without just breaking into Russell's lab and trying to steal the information like last time. He wasn't a teenager anymore, after all. 

"Okay," Ed said with a sigh. "I need to at least know that this is as helpful of a lead as I'm hoping it will be. What can you tell me over the phone? How exactly are plants and parallel worlds connected?" 

There was another long silence from Russell before he finally sighed and said, "I think plants are connected across worlds. And I think they know how to tap into their other lives when they're in extreme distress." 

Ed's eyebrows shot up. It was vague and hardly any information at all, but he couldn't help but immediately see the similarity between his and Kai's situation. After all, a heart attack would certainly count as "extreme distress."

"What the hell led you to that conclusion?"

"Do you remember that weird day a few years ago when everyone passed out and the government tried to pass it off as some sort of innocent alchemy experiment?" 

"The Promised Day," Ed breathed, his fingers tightening around the phone. 

"The what?" 

"That's what everyone I've talked to calls it," Ed said with a wave of his hand that Russell wouldn't see. He desperately hoped that he hadn't just given away some sort of state secret or something. Not like it would be the first time he just accidentally revealed crucial government secrets without thinking, though. "What about it, anyway?" 

"Well, most of the plants had absolutely no reaction to it. Except for these trees I've been working with," Russell said, starting to lean into the conversation with that one particular form of alchemist excitement that Ed could recognize. Really, alchemists could be just as terrible as comic book villains if you knew how to trick them into talking about their exact branch of alchemy. Their desperate pursuit of answers tended to override all else whenever that happened, to the point that they would ignore social rules and common sense, instead babbling at length about the differences in molecular structures. 

"I've been doing these experiments on the local trees for a while now," Russell said, breezing over it like he didn't want Ed to ask too many questions about that particular part of his research. "and when that day—The Promised Day, I guess—happened, the trees... They had some sort of strange reaction. I think... I think they must have thought that they were dying when everyone passed out. They went into some sort of protective trauma response. When I was conscious again and went to go look at them, they were... bleeding." 

"Bleeding?" Ed repeated, raising an eyebrow. "Trees don't bleed." 

"It's not actually blood," Russell said quickly. "It just looked like blood when I first saw it coming out of the trees. It's... Well, I don't know what it is, honestly. It doesn't seem like something that can be made with our current alchemical methods. It's like it's a preliminary step along the way toward making the philosopher's stone.

Ed felt his stomach suddenly drop to his feet, and he scrabbled to lean against the wall for support, his head spinning with the implications. 

"Red water," he whispered. "How did that get..." 

"You know what this stuff is?"

"Unfortunately," Ed said, dragging his hand over his face. "Have you been being careful with that stuff? It's pretty toxic, you know."

There was another long silence before Russell finally spoke in a tight voice. "We haven't had any problems so far." 

"Don't touch it without gloves, don't breathe around it without wearing a mask," Ed said. "I'm definitely going to need to come out and see your research. As soon as possible." 

"Okay. I'll be waiting." 

Ed felt like he had only just barely managed to hang up the phone and take one more bite of his sandwich before he could hear the sound of Lucky barking from the front porch. He sighed and put the sandwich back down. Surely lunch couldn't be over that quickly, right? How did Winry even manage to have this many customers coming to her every day, anyway?

At the thought, Ed grinned and scratched it out of his head. No, it was obvious why she would have this many customers. Of course she did. She was a damn genius. 

Only when he went out to see what Lucky was making a fuss over, he was instead greeted by a couple of faces who were most certainly not customers. 

"I was on my way back from the embassy, and look who I ran into as I was walking by the train station," Al said, raising his eyebrows at Ed as he spoke and gestured at the woman by his side. His voice sounded cheerful on the outside, but Ed could hear the million unspoken questions and worries that were lurking under the surface. 

"Hello," Rosé said, meekly raising her hand in a half-wave.

When Ed next woke up, he was sure that morning had to be long gone, considering the light streaming in through the open window. Noah was still sleeping in such a peaceful way, holding on to his arm and slightly smiling in her sleep. He couldn't help but grin back a little at her, even as he desperately tried to wiggle his arm free without disturbing her. He was sure he'd had that same dopey grin in his sleep when he'd first confessed to Winry, too. 

Al was also still asleep with Winnie curled up next to him, her arms wrapped around him protectively. Ed decided not to comment on that one, not when they looked just as comfy as Noah. Instead, he went over to where the automail had been dumped on the table and sat down to start organizing pieces. If they were going to be switching back soon, then he needed to make sure this arm was done as soon as possible, before Sylvan was here and had no idea how to put the automail back together again. 

Ed made a mental note that maybe he needed to write down some notes on how exactly it all worked so Sylvan wouldn't run into the same problem again. 

He got so sucked into his work that he only heard the vague mutterings of everyone else waking up, his brain not bothering to translate the noise into actual words. He was too busy trying to focus on getting the automail actually functional. A deadline of roughly eleven days was hard enough—if he even would end up getting a full eleven days to work on it. Considering they had to travel just to get to the boat in the first place, it was likely he only had about a week to actually work on it before it would turn into a pain. And that wasn't even taking into account the fact that he was working with an entirely different world's technology, which just made the whole thing five times harder, and he couldn't even bounce ideas off Winry—

"Are you okay?" 

Ed nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden presence of a hand on his shoulder. 

"Y-Yeah, yeah," he said, shaking himself out of it and giving Al an apologetic smile. "Sorry. Just... Got sucked in." 

A smile twitched at the corners of Al's lips, and he murmured, "Same old Brother."

Ed couldn't be sure whether Al was saying that for Winnie's sake or because he actually saw a scrap of his brother poking out, but he still felt almost a little proud at the comment. As if he felt like he had to somehow measure up to the standards Sylvan had left behind. Even if they were going to be switching soon. 

"It's looking pretty good," Al said, leaning over the automail for a closer look. "Do... Do you need help?"

"What I need is a fucking blacksmith," Ed muttered, running a hand through his bangs. "All these lines need soldering, and then I have to probably remake the entire casing..."

"Well, we could do that at my work," Al suggested, and Ed's eyebrows shot up as he turned to look at the younger Elric. 

"Really? Won't that get you in trouble?" 

"If we don't get caught, we don't get caught," Al said with a wry smirk. "And if we do get caught, well. We're leaving for America in, what, a couple days? What are they going to do? Fire me?"

"If we don't get caught, we don't get caught?" Ed repeated, looking Al over disbelievingly. He had definitely seen his own Al start to care a little less about being a "good boy" and always following whatever he thought the rules were, but he hadn't ever expected his own words to come back out of Al's mouth like that. Since when did Al have such a scathing attitude toward rules anyway? 

Well. Ed mentally winced at his own train of thought, biting his tongue to hold back the instinctive joke of asking "who are you and what have you done with my brother?" He hadn't been there to see what would make Al have a blatant disregard for the rules, but that didn't mean it wasn't who this Al was.

But even without him saying it out loud, Al picked up on how this was clearly a difference that had surprised Ed, a reminder that everything was just... that little bit off still. 

"That, uh... That would be really helpful," Ed said in a low tone. "When would you want to do that?" 

"Well..." Al frowned and looked up at the ceiling with a sigh. "I mean, it would be easier today, considering the place will be empty for the weekend. But are you at the point where you'd be ready? We'd probably be better off if we tried to only do it once." 

Ed frowned and looked back to the pile of automail in front of him with a low hum. After a moment of consideration, he slowly said, "I think I can do that. But I need a couple hours to finish up the stuff I'm in the middle of." 

"That's fine," Al said with a shrug. 

"Well, while we're all waiting, why don't I go get us some breakfast?" Winnie interjected, smiling at the two boys. It suddenly occurred to him that she and Noah had been sitting together on the bed and chatting quietly, though he had been too distracted with Al to notice. There was something about the image that was oddly sweet to him, as if Winry was reaching out in friendship to this girl that Sylvan had practically proposed to the night before. 

Ed paused with a frown as two different memories washed over him. He could hear Al saying something in the background about how breakfast would be great, but he was too distracted to pay attention. 

"If I could do it again, I'd kiss you back this time. Hell, I'd go out to buy a ring, not eggs." 

"Equivalent Exchange! I'll give half of my life to you if you give half of yours to me!"

He let out a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and groan, pressing his hand against his forehead and leaning his elbow on the table. Who was he kidding? By their standards, that wasn't practically a proposal, that was a proposal! He laughed again, feeling the sheer ridiculousness of the situation hit him. How many people got a chance to see their double propose to someone? At least Sylvan had managed to not yell it at Noah. And even if his proposal was still awkwardly unclear, it at least was more tender and less... abrasively awkward. Ed was almost a little jealous, though he supposed that was the reward for waiting a little longer to propose to the person you loved. It meant you didn't have to be so young and awkward. 

"What's so funny?" Noah said, and when he looked up at her, he realized that he'd missed the point where Winnie had left the room to get breakfast. 

"Nothing, nothing," Ed said with another laugh and a quick wave of his hand. "I just realized that you and Sylvan are probably kinda fiancés now."

"What?" Noah said, her eyes going wide. Al made a spluttering sound from off to the side. Yep, just like Ed expected. Noah was having the exact same reaction as Winry first had, not even realizing that what he'd said had been a proposal in the first place. 

"Wait, how is that even possible?" Al said.

"She was touching me all night while I was sleeping," Ed said slowly. It sounded a lot weirder when he said it out loud, but he plunged forward anyway. "Which apparently means that she doesn't just see my dreams, but that she has the dream with me. And every night I dream about..." 

"Meeting up with him at the Gate," Al finished weakly, his face drooping in disappointment. It was odd, because he hadn't particularly looked excited by the news, so now it was as if he seemed disappointed at the fact that he didn't have a good excuse to be mad at someone. As if Ed and Noah were conspiring and just hiding Sylvan in a closet for themselves and keeping Al away. Now he just had the look of understanding that they weren't being bad guys, but it still meant that everyone but Al had a chance to actually see Sylvan. 

"He said... he'd buy me a ring," Noah said softly. Al looked over to her, and his disappointment instead melted into a soft smile, a clear code that even if he was frustrated that it was impossible for him to have any way of seeing Sylvan, he was still glad she had gotten something so important to her. She smiled back at him, and added, "And Al, he promised he would be back before his birthday." 

Al gaped at her. "He did?"

"Yeah, trust me," Ed said as he turned back to his automail. "In our language, that's a proposal. 'I'd buy you a ring' means 'I'd marry you right now if I could,' and 'I'm coming home no matter what' means 'I'd follow you to the ends of the Earth forever and ever.'" 

"Wow." Al blinked. "Someone got self-aware." 

Noah grinned and she looked back to Al with a sparkle in her eye. "Okay, I kind of like having an Ed translator around."

Al laughed. "Yeah, maybe he should write us a dictionary before he leaves." 

"That'd take way too damn long," Ed said with a snort, and the other two laughed. He grinned to himself as he worked, and there was a small moment of silence before Noah finally spoke again. 

"Al, we need to stall. We can't go to America right away," she said, leaning forward to put her hands over his in a rare moment of assertiveness. "We need to stay here for a little bit. He's not sure if he'll be able to get back to us if we're somewhere else." 

"He's telling us he wants to stay put?" Al said, his eyebrows shooting up. He turned to look at Ed with a frown. "What did you do to him?"

"Hey, all I did was point out the time difference. He's the one who started talking about magic radiuses." Al stared at him like he'd grown horns, but Ed stayed hunched over his work, leaning in as he snipped the casing off one wire and then twisted it together with another wire. "And besides, Winnie said we didn't have to decide for a week, and you said my heart attack made me unstable." 

"Well, that was before we were staying in her hotel room!" Al hissed. "We can't just intr—"

"She's totally fine with it," Noah said in a soft tone. "I, uh... Well, I mentioned that I was sad about missing the Charleston competition at the dance hall, since Ed and I have always loved dancing together so much. She got kind of excited about the idea and said that we should stay. She apparently was disappointed she'd miss the chance to watch it, even if she didn't have a partner." 

Al was quiet for a minute, then snorted and shook his head. "I shouldn't be surprised. She's an American flapper. She's not exactly hard to talk into a dance." 

"Then ask her," Ed muttered. Either Al didn't hear him, or Al chose to ignore him, but Ed didn't particularly feel like repeating himself in either case. And then he was hit with what Al had said when they had seen the poster advertising the dance competition. 

That's enough for rent for two months. 

Surely two months of rent was enough to buy at least a humble ring and a wedding. Ed grinned to himself. If he and Noah could just manage to win it, then it could be like he was giving a wedding present to his own double. And the wedding present was the wedding itself. Okay, maybe less of a gift and more of a kick in the pants and telling his double to get fucking married already, you dumbass. 

"We should practice," Ed said, putting the automail down for a second to flash his excited grin to Noah. She blinked. 

"I only said it as an excuse, you don't have to try and get good at it just to win." 

"Well, but it's still important to you," Ed said with a shrug. "And besides, that prize money could come in handy. I'm sure it would be enough to buy... Something like a ring."

There was another long moment of silence as Ed connected another set of wires. He thought that when he turned to look at them, they would both be excited at the idea of putting money into an actual wedding. But when he turned, he instead found the two of them frowning at one another, and he frowned himself. 

"What?" 

"Maybe..." Noah started slowly, averting her gaze. "Maybe we shouldn't count on the marriage stuff too much yet." 

"He's not going to walk out on you, Noah," Ed said, putting his automail down. "Trust me, I know what's going on inside his head. He loves you too much to hurt you like that." 

"You don't know everything going on in his head," Al muttered. Ed elected to pretend he hadn't heard it. 

"It's not that," Noah said with a shake of her head. "It's that. Well. We can't be sure he'll pull it off. And I don't want you to feel like you're obligated to marry me if you get stuck here just because he..." 

"Trust me, he's going to pull it off," Ed said with a frown. Al's expression darkened, and he glared down at the floor. 

"How are you so sure?" Al muttered. There were only so many muttered things a person could ignore before they had to finally address the somewhat bitter elephant that had decided to hang out in the hotel room. Ed let out a deep sigh and rubbed at the back of his head. He knew this Al had been through a lot, things Ed couldn't even entirely understand, but it was still sad to see he had gotten so... jaded. How could he convince someone with all that baggage that this time would be different?

"There was this one time," Ed said slowly, frowning as he touched his left hand to the side of his stomach, "I got in a bad fight, and some of the building collapsed. And there was this big old rebar that fell and... just went clean through me. Like a shishkabob."

Al and Noah both winced, looking at him with wide, horrified eyes. Ed wasn't entirely sure whether that was because of the casual way he had gotten used to talking about it, or if they were thinking about that one memory from Al's perspective that he'd seen of Sylvan getting stabbed at one point. Not like he could blame them for thinking about it. The memory was also flitting through his mind now that he'd seen it, the terrified eyes of Sylvan burned on the back of his eyelids.

"Obviously, I'm fine," Ed said with a sigh and dismissive wave of his hand. "That's not the point. The point is that I remember when I was laying there with this piece of metal sticking through me... I remember thinking to myself that it was a really stupid way to die. And then my second thought was that I couldn't just leave Winry and Al like that. I had to figure out a way to survive. I ended up having to use up years of my own life just to power the transmutation, but I found a way. Because I had to."

The two of them were still staring at him with somewhat terrified, pale expressions, so he sighed and continued, "What I mean is... that's the headspace he's in right now. He's going to find a way to come back. Because he loses everything if he doesn't. Because he has to."

"But what if he doesn't?" Noah said quietly, flicking her eyes away from him. 

Ed swallowed a lump in his own throat and resisted the urge to turn back to the automail just so he could ignore the twisting in his gut. He wanted to believe, deep down, in the very core of his body, that Sylvan had to find a way home. Because that was what they had always done. They were both still alive, after all. He wouldn't let something like this keep him away from the person he loved for forever. 

But if that was the case, then why hadn't Sylvan fought harder to get back to his Winry? 

And why wasn't Ed fighting harder to get back to his own Winry even now? Even now he was still pinning almost all his hopes on Sylvan when he could be trying to help from his end, but he had gotten so used to seeing himself as the useless alchemist who couldn't transmute that he hadn't thought he could help in the first place. But if he was honestly that sure Sylvan would find a way, then that meant admitting that he had to see a safe solution as an actual possibility. 

"Well. If he somehow doesn't manage it, then..." Ed paused and took in a slow breath through his teeth, trying to make his head stop spinning with a million thoughts. "Then it's like he said. We would just... have to get used to this being our new lives I suppose. And... I mean. You're still family, Noah. It's not like he's the only one who loves you. I would just... maybe have to have to take it one step at a time for a bit. Maybe not immediately marriage, but. I certainly wouldn't just leave." 

Noah gaped at him for a long, quiet minute. "How is it so easy for you?"

"How is... what?" Ed said, frowning and blinking.

"Love." She gestured at him. "You just said you loved me without even hesitating. It took him nearly dying before he got to that point."

"Oh." Ed laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I dunno, it just is. I traded my alchemy for love, so I guess once I didn't have the alchemy anymore, I just channeled all that energy into better learning how to love." 

She stared at him with wide eyes that Ed couldn't entirely place, but just as he was about to ask her what she was thinking, he was interrupted by the door banging open, Winnie announcing that she had brought back breakfast and coffee for everyone. The conversation lightened decently with Winnie around, and soon Ed found himself joking and laughing with the three of them as if he'd known them his entire life. 

In a way, he supposed that he had. 

Chapter Text

Surely lunch couldn't be over that quickly, right? How did Winry even manage to have this many customers coming to her every day, anyway?

At the thought, Ed grinned and scratched it out of his head. No, it was obvious why she would have this many customers. Of course she did. She was a damn genius.

Only when he went out to see what Lucky was making a fuss over, he was instead greeted by a couple of faces who were most certainly not customers.

"I was on my way back from the embassy, and look who I ran into as I was walking by the train station," Al said, raising his eyebrows at Ed as he spoke and gestured at the woman by his side. His voice sounded cheerful on the outside, but Ed could hear the million unspoken questions and worries that were lurking under the surface.

"Hello," Rosé said, meekly raising her hand in a half-wave.

Ed swallowed a lump in his throat, staring at her in bewilderment. Here he'd thought talking to her on the phone had felt wrong, but seeing her in person was somehow even worse. She didn't even look like he remembered, her pink bangs darker and muddier, and her skin somehow a couple shades paler than even he was.

"I hope I'm not intruding," Rosé said, seeming to notice the panicked expression on his face. "It's just, when you called me, you sounded so panicked, and after you hung up, I... Well, I sat down and prayed about it, and... I felt called to come and talk to you again. I'm sorry, I can go if—"

"No, no!" Ed said, jumping forward and grabbing her hands, pulling her towards the house. As wrong and weird as it was, he wasn't sure if he could bear even saying goodbye, not when her face and voice practically made his heart break just from the similarity she had to Noah. "No, it's fine, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you or anything, I just... just... please, come in. Have either of you had lunch?"

"It was a bit longer of a train ride than I counted on," Rosé said with a nervous laugh.

"Okay, sandwiches for everyone," Ed said, directing her to sit in the same chairs he'd been directing patients to sit in all day. When he went off to the kitchen, Al followed behind, cornering him in the kitchen when they were just out of earshot. Al grabbed Ed's sleeve by the elbow with a slight shake. His face morphed out of the friendly cheerfulness he'd had just a second before, scowling at Ed as he leaned forward to hiss, "Mind explaining why exactly you're calling strange women in the middle of the night?"

"Rosé isn't a stranger," Ed said, scowling back as he yanked his arm out of Al's grip.

"She isn't exactly someone I would call a close friend, either."

Ed rolled his eyes, knowing Al wouldn't understand even if he tried to explain. "It's complicated, okay? Just forget about it."

"How am I supposed to just forget about..." Al paused and frowned, glancing around before he leaned forward like he was scared someone would overhear. "She said you called her in the middle of the night in some sort of wild panic, but then you said something about how calling her was 'wrong' and then you hung up. What exactly am I supposed to think?"

Ed glared back at Al for a while, feeling like he could taste the fire burning at the back of his throat. There were a million things he wanted to say. There were two million things he didn't want to let himself say aloud. He wanted his Al back. He wanted someone who trusted him, someone who wasn't busy saying one thing to his face and then going and saying another thing to Winry when his back was turned. He wanted his brother, damn it all.

But instead, he ground his teeth together and looked away from Al, instead focusing on spreading mustard on a slice of bread.

"What's going on?" Winry said, appearing at the entrance to the kitchen and looking between the two of them with a concerned frown.

"I don't know what's going on," Al muttered, looking between Ed and Winry. "But it's weird, I'll say that."

"Whatever," Ed muttered, looking deliberately away from Al. Right now wasn't exactly a time he felt like he could handle those unfamiliar golden eyes. "Believe whatever the hell you want. It's not like you'll trust anything I say, anyway."

There was a long moment of silence between all three of them, as if none of them could entirely believe (or even understand) what exactly was happening. Al's eyes had gone wide with shock, as if he never would have expected Ed to say such a thing, but then the shock slowly morphed to anger, and he threw his hands up with an exasperated sigh.

"Ask him," Al ground out. "I'm done."

Winry watched with concern as Al stormed out of the kitchen, leaving Ed alone with her. She had seen the tension between the two brothers, and she didn't want to get in the middle of it. Instead, she focused on Ed, who seemed to be lost in thought as he stacked ingredients on the sandwich he was preparing.

"Ed, what's going on?" Winry asked, her voice soft.

Ed sighed, turning to face her. "It's complicated, Winry. I don't even know where to start."

"You can start by telling me why Al is so upset," Winry said firmly. "He's been worried about you. He doesn't understand what's been going on with you lately."

"I hardly know what's been going on with me lately!" Ed said, a hysterical laugh pushing out of him as he threw his hands in the air. He tried to take in a deep breath, bracing himself against the counter, his head hanging until his hair covered any sight of his face. "I'm trying, Winry. But it's not easy. I don't even know who I am anymore."

Winry stepped closer to him, taking his hand. "You're Ed," she said in a soft voice. "You don't have to be anyone more than that."

"Yes I do," Ed muttered, his shoulders tensing. "I have to be Teddy and Zaza's dad, and your husband, and his brother, and every single one of you has this different idea of who exactly I'm supposed to be , and I'm not any of those people—"

Winry's heart broke for him, and she stepped forward to wrap her arms around him in a tight embrace. She could feel his body trembling against her, and she held him as if she was trying to keep him from falling apart at the seams. "You don't have to be anyone else but yourself. You're putting too much pressure on yourself."

Ed looked at her, feeling tears pricking the corners of his eyes. "I don't deserve you," he whispered. "I don't deserve any of this, any of you."

"Stop it," Winry said, a hint of anger in her voice now. "You are enough, Ed. You're more than enough. And I won't stand here and let you tell yourself otherwise. You're Ed, and we all love you just the way you are. No matter what."

Ed wanted to feel comforted by her words, wanted that to be enough of an answer. But all the thoughts that had been swirling through his head felt too complicated to be pacified by a simple reassurance that he was loved. Wasn't that exactly part of what made all of this so terrifying in the first place? It would be so much easier to navigate through this whole mess if he didn't feel like he had to be constantly terrified of who else he might hurt.

"I guess I should take this food out to Al and No-Rosé," Ed muttered, reaching up to rub away a stray tear at the corner of his eye.

"Rosé?" Winry repeated, raising an eyebrow at him as he grabbed the two plates.

"She's an... old friend," Ed said with a frown as he maneuvered around Winry to get out of the kitchen. "She's here because I called her. I didn't expect her to come or anything, I-I just..."

I just missed Noah.

Ed wasn't even sure if there was any sort of sane explanation he could offer about why he'd called Rosé, so he opted for trailing off instead, hoping maybe Winry would understand without him having to find the words.

When he carried the sandwiches back into the living room, Rosé was sitting nervously on the edge of the chair, glancing around the room like she expected something to jump out at her. He could hardly blame her - the whole situation was bizarre, to say the least. But he didn't know how to make it right, how to put her at ease. He just kept imagining her face morphing into Noah's as he tried to make small talk, and it was making him feel like he was going to crawl out of his skin.

"Okay, sandwiches," Ed said, pushing a plate first into Rosé's hands, and then a second plate towards Al. Hell, maybe him actually getting a little food would pick up his mood. Al glowered at him, but still took the offered plate and took a bite out of the sandwich, so Ed considered it a win.

"Winry, Rosé. Rosé, Winry," Ed said, gesturing between the two women as Winry came into the room. Noticing the confused look on Rosé's face, he added, "Winry is, uh... my wife."

"Oh!" Rosé said, her eyes going wide as she scrambled to stand up, setting the sandwich aside so she could offer a hand for Winry to shake. She looked back over to Ed, a blush creeping up her neck. "I didn't know you were married! I-I mean... I'm sorry, you just weren't wearing a wedding ring, so I thought..."

Ed glanced down at his left hand, blinking. He hadn't thought about it before then, but she had a point. Surely Kai must have had some sort of wedding ring he'd been wearing before the two of them had switched.

"Oh, he's always leaving his ring somewhere around the house," Winry said with a laugh.

Ed felt a jolt of guilt hit him, even though he knew that what Winry had said wasn't true. Well, technically true, he supposed. Kai probably was leaving his ring all over the house. But it felt weird to just slip into acting like he was the same Ed who had been married to her for years. He still wasn't ready to talk about what had really happened between him and Kai, and he didn't want to put Winry in the position of having to lie for him. But before he could say anything, Rosé had already picked up on his unease.

"I'm sorry," she said again, this time addressing both Winry and Ed. "I didn't mean to..."

"It's fine," Ed said with a shrug. "My fault for not, uh, clarifying the situation more. Things have been a little hectic around here lately."

There was an awkward silence that settled over the room, and Ed could feel the weight of everyone's confusion and concern bearing down on him like a physical pressure. He needed to say something, anything to break the tension and get back some semblance of control in the situation.

"So, uh, how was the train ride?" he asked, moving to sit in one of the chairs.

"Fine, fine," Rosé said, moving to sit back in her own seat and picking at the crust of her sandwich "A little long, but... it was nice to get out of the city for a while, I guess."

Ed nodded, not knowing what else to say. Al was gnawing on his own sandwich, studiously avoiding making eye contact with either of them. Ed could feel his brother's disapproval radiating off him like a palpable force, his eyes narrowed and watchful as he examined the pair of them. Ed felt like he had somehow managed to got into the weirdest, most messed up double date ever. Or perhaps it was more like Al was an old-timey chaperone, making sure that Rosé and Ed stayed "honorable" or something.

And meanwhile, there was still that uncomfortable tension hanging in the air, Ed able to feel everyone in the room having a different version of the same question. Why had he decided to suddenly call Rosé, of all people?

"I'm sorry," Rosé finally said in a quiet voice as she put her sandwich down. "Maybe I was wrong and I shouldn't have come..."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Ed snapped reflexively. But with everyone suddenly looking at him, the fight drained out and he stumbled for words. "I just... It... It's complicated."

Al raised an eyebrow, clearly not convinced, but he didn't press the issue. Instead, Rosé spoke up, her voice gentle and sincere.

"Ed, is everything okay? You don't seem like yourself."

Ed had to bite back a bark of a laugh at the question, Rosé not having any idea just how correct she was in her offhanded statement. When he glanced over at Winry and Al, he could see a spark in their eyes like they had both recognized the irony of the statement as well, Al looking almost angry, while Winry had that distantly sad expression she'd been having more and more lately.

Ed opened his mouth to give a flippant response, to deflect the conversation and avoid revealing too much. But when he looked at Winry again, saw the concern etched deep into her eyes, and he couldn't do it. He couldn't keep hiding behind walls. Not when it seemed like everyone around him could sense that something was off.

"Actually... no. Everything is definitely not okay," he said, his voice suddenly hoarse.

"Ed... He had a heart attack a few days ago," Winry said, her voice calm as she reached out and put a hand on Ed's shoulder. He sighed and closed his eyes. Of course that was the explanation. That was always the explanation. "It's been... a lot."

Rosé gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. "Oh my god, Ed..."

Rosé's eyes were brimming with tears now, making Ed feel even worse. He hadn't meant to make her upset—he'd just wanted... What, exactly? To feel some semblance of normalcy? To see a friendly face that wasn't looking at him with pity or anger or suspicion?

Ed sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Somehow the explanation of a simple heart attack felt like it was blowing things out of proportion and minimizing the problem all at once. But just referring to "the heart attack" was starting to feel like code for everything that had happened at the same time, probably because there wasn't really another way to talk about it with people who didn't know what had actually happened.

"It's been pretty rough," Ed admitted quietly, "But I'm dealing with it."

"Dealing with it?" Al scoffed, his anger suddenly bubbling to the surface, "You're barely holding it together, Brother."

Ed grit his teeth, not wanting to get into it with Al right now. He couldn't even fully tell if Al was saying these things out of genuine concern or because he just had too many feelings and needed to lash out at someone. Ed knew that he'd certainly had to weather an... angry period with his own Al when they had first been reunited. But he'd always figured that was just a result of teenager hormones and something that this Al would be long past.

Then again. He could think of another time he'd seen an older Al snap at him.

Maybe it's not your world, well, it is mine! And I want to leave some proof that I lived in it!

Maybe it was just something about him. Maybe he just happened to be the Ed who was good at pissing off every Al in existence.

But before he could think too thoroughly on it, there was barking and a knock from the door. Winry sighed and turned to look with a frown.

"I bet that's my next appointment," she said with a sigh. "Which means that Teddy and Zaza are probably..."

"Okay." Ed was standing before he had even fully thought it through. He pointed at Winry, "Automail," then pointed at himself, "Kids?"

"Okay," Winry agreed with a nod. Ed could see the surprise in Rosé's eyes at the realization that he had kids in addition to being married, but he decided to ignore that and instead headed to the toddlers' room, leaving her behind with Al. 

Ed walked into the room, his heart pounding in his chest. The feelings he had about the toddlers were complicated, somehow simultaneously feeling like they weren't his and he was intruding in a very private part of someone else's life, but also feeling like... Like he would die if that meant keeping them safe. Like just having them around somehow made the world feel a little lighter.

Despite them not feeling like they were really his, Ed realized that he still loved the little suckers.

"Hey, guys," he said softly as he opened the door to their room.

Teddy and Zaza both squealed with delight when they saw him, running over to give him hugs. Being surrounded by their small bodies made Ed feel both lighter and heavier, like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders but at the same time, like everything was going to be okay.

"You're here!" Teddy cried out, clinging tightly to Ed's leg. "Can we play cars?"

"Well, you'll have to carry them downstairs," Ed said with a chuckle. "I've got to help your mom with automail stuff."

"Okay!" Teddy squealed before running to pull out a box of toy cars. He dragged it along the floor with his butt high in the air, leaving Ed to laugh at the sight as he carried Zaza behind Teddy.

He brought them both down to the living room and introduced Rosé to the kids—Zaza hid in Ed's shoulder while Teddy excitedly pulled Rosé into playing cars with him. Winry had started on her next appointment, and Al still seemed to be stewing from his seat in the living room, so Ed figured he would tackle the next big order of business—making sure there would be dinner for everyone. The leek was still sitting on the counter in the kitchen, almost taunting him, and so Ed started pulling together the ingredients for stew.

Ed was so engrossed in preparing the food that he didn't realize Al had entered the room until he turned to dump the cut potatoes in the pot. He jumped a bit in surprise at the sight of Al leaning over to sniff timidly at the pot.

"Al," he said, blinking. Al immediately jumped out of the way so Ed could access the pot, seeming embarrassed that he had been caught. Ed ignored that and started pushing the potatoes into the pot. "Did you need something?"

"I was just... wondering what you're making," Al muttered.

"Stew," Ed said. When he noticed the spark in Al's eyes at the word, he smiled lightly and added, "Mom's stew."

"But we never learned the recipe," Al said, his voice sounding tight.

Ed paused in his stirring, a lump forming in his throat. He remembered how much he and Al had always adored their mother's stew. He could only imagine how painful it would be if they'd lost the recipe forever with their mother.

"I can't promise it will be exactly the same," Ed said in a low tone, "But I can teach you how to make the version I know. If you like."

"Please," Al croaked.

Ed stepped out of the way so that Al could get closer to the pot while they talked about the stew—the ingredients Ed had already added, how their mom had always insisted on cardamom for one of the spices, and so on—and as they worked, the two of them started swapping stories back and forth about their mother, comparing where their memories intersected and diverged. Ed found himself breaking down with laughter at some of the stories Al had to tell that had never happened in Ed's version of reality. And yet, every single memory sounded so much like her, even if it had never happened to Ed. It seemed easier to believe the stories he didn't recognize were just memories that had faded until he needed to be reminded rather than something that had happened to someone else. And soon enough, they had something that looked and smelled like their mother's famous stew bubbling away on the stovetop.

Al stood there for a moment staring at it before turning to Ed with tears in his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered hoarsely before throwing his arms around Ed and squeezing tightly. Ed returned the hug just as tightly, burying his face in Al's shoulder to hide the tears threatening to spill from his own eyes.

Eventually, the tug of food won out and they parted from their hug to finish preparing dinner. Al took a seat at the table while Ed finished up stirring in some cream before carrying two bowls over to serve Teddy and Zaza who were still playing with Rosé on the floor.

Teddy squealed when he saw it, dropping his toy car as he ran towards Ed for a bowl of stew. He practically inhaled his first bowl once Ed handed it off to him, making Ed laugh lightly under his breath. Apparently that was just another food that he and Teddy shared a love for.

Winry seemed almost taken aback when she finished up with her last client of the day and walked into the dining room to find everyone already gathering for dinner, bowls being passed around the table. Teddy had already started attacking a second bowl, which had Al laughing and explaining that it was just the Elric reaction to stew.

As Ed sat down to have a bowl of his own, he felt his heart swell as he took in the feeling of the happy family around him. They weren't the people he'd left behind in Germany, but they were still family. They were still his home.

But there was still a little thought in the back of his head that kept reminding him of the phone call he'd had with Russell and the trees that were bleeding red water. He needed to go to Xenotime, and he needed to go as soon as possible, considering the deadline he was working with. But he knew that bringing it up with Al and Winry would be a nightmare. Rosé being there just added further headache, leaving Ed to wonder how he would even explain that he needed to go to Xenotime in the first place when Rosé wasn't even up to speed on the whole body-switching thing.

Ed pushed down those thoughts, knowing it was probably best to just enjoy this moment. He could explain everything else later on when everyone wasn’t quite so high off good stew and company… even if he didn’t know exactly how much trouble getting into it might turn out being. For now, he let himself relax into the conversation around the table without letting any more worries show through. Maybe he could find some time to take Winry and Al aside after the toddlers had been put to bed. 

"Daddy, can I have more of the man-zie-pin candy for dessert?" Teddy said, snapping Ed out of his thoughts.

"Oh!" Ed said, lightly smacking his forehead. "Das Marzipan! I forgot!"

The adults at the table looked at Ed like he had suddenly spoken gibberish—though he supposed that to them, it was actually gibberish. That was an easy enough matter to fix, though, considering he had a tin of marzipan stashed away. They'd know what it was once they'd all had a chance to actually try it.

"Just a couple, buddy, geez," Ed said, trying to fend off the ravenous toddler that suddenly appeared as soon as the tin opened. Once Teddy had gotten a sufficient sacrifice, Ed then straightened and offered the tin to the adults around the table.

"Th kids and I made these the other day," he said with a grin as everyone peered to look at the tiny fruits and vegetables. Saying the kids had helped make it seemed a bit generous when Teddy had eaten more than he'd created and Zaza had mostly just made a mess of her lump of dough, but it seemed that much cuter if it was partly a gift from the kids as well. "Das Marzipan. It's a dessert from Germany."

"They're so pretty," Winry said, smiling as she pulled out a delicate apple for herself.

"Tiny bananas!" Al said with a laugh as he pulled one out for himself. Ed made a note of the Amestrian word along with the fact that apparently in this world, Al had gotten a chance to eat the tropical fruit. He'd have to see if he could pry that story out of Al later.

"Is Germany a... city or something?" Rosé said, pulling out a tiny pear for herself.

"Uh, country," Ed said with a cough, suddenly realizing his mistake. He hoped Rosé wouldn't decide to try and fact check him later. "It's a... ways off from here. Next to, er. France, and. The Netherlands."

Rosé blinked for a second before laughing and shaking her head. "I was never any good at geography, anyway."

Ed decided to put a marzipan potato in his mouth before he said something else potentially stupid that would get Rosé asking more questions than he needed. Meanwhile, Rosé's eyes lit up as soon as she popped the candy in her mouth. It was a recognizable expression, making Ed's heart pang with memory of Noah.

"Oh, that's delicious!" Rosé said with a delighted laugh.

"It's definitely... interesting," Winry said, her eyebrows scrunched as she nibbled at the candy. "Very... almond-y."

Ed got another pang to his heart, this time from the obvious realization that Winry didn't like the marzipan. He had been so excited to share it with her, and he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that she wasn't more enthusiastic about it.

Still, he tried to keep up a brave face as he watched Winry nibble cautiously at the candy. "It's supposed to taste almond-y," he said in an attempt at explanation. "But it's okay if you don't like it."

Winry smiled and shook her head before popping the rest of the marzipan into her mouth. "No, it's not bad," she said, though Ed still thought she was lying through her teeth.

He noticed Rosé out of the corner of his eye watching him with a strange look on her face—like she wanted to say something but was holding back for some reason—and Ed couldn't help but wonder what was going on in that head of hers.

As the conversation around the table slowly shifted to other topics, Ed could feel the itch of anticipation creeping up on him once more. He had to go to Xenotime, and soon. But he didn't want to ruin this moment by bringing it up. Not yet.

But he was running out of time.

After dinner, Rosé offered to help Winry with Teddy and Zaza's bedtime routine while Al offered to help with kitchen duty. Ed agreed, grateful that Al at least didn't seem to be avoiding him anymore. They worked in companionable silence for a while before Al finally spoke up.

"So," he said slowly, casting a glance over at Ed before turning back to the dishes. "What's your plan?"

Ed sighed, resting his hands on the countertop as he leaned forward slightly. He debated even bringing it up. It felt like he and Al were only just starting to get along, and here he was, considering dragging the body switch back to the front of Al's mind and making him angry all over again. But he couldn't just tiptoe around the uncomfortable conversations until he was out of time, either.

"I need to go to Xenotime," Ed said quietly. "There's something there that might help me switch back."

Al was silent for a long minute, frowning as he scrubbed at a spot on the bowl he was holding.

"Xenotime? What's there?" he asked, still not looking at Ed.

"There's an alchemist I know there," Ed said slowly. "His name is Russell Tringham. He's been doing alchemy experiments with the trees there, and he said that some of the trees there have started bleeding red water. I think... Well, I think they're connected to my world somehow, but I don't know what's happening. I need to see it to understand what's going on.

Al finally looked up at him and Ed could see the conflict in his eyes. "And you think it's worth it?" Al said, his voice low. "To risk everything just to switch back?"

"I have to try," Ed said in a soft tone. "Al—I mean, my Al—he's still out there waiting for me. I can't let him down. You know I'd do anything for him."

And Noah, Ed added silently.

Al didn't respond for a long moment, his face hidden behind his bangs as he stared down at the dish he was cleaning. Finally, he let out a soft sigh and set the dish aside.

"Alright," he said softly. "But I'm coming with you."

Ed felt a wave of relief wash over him, grateful that Al was willing to put aside his anger and help him once more.

"Thanks, Al," he said quietly.

"Don't thank me yet," Al said with a small snort. "You still have to convince Winry to let you go."

"Don't remind me," Ed groaned.

After breakfast, Noah mentioned how she needed to go to Else's dress shop and see if she could get some spare clothes. Winnie offered to let her borrow something a little better fitting than Ed's shirt for a dress. Something that Ed was grateful for, considering he didn't exactly have a back-up shirt of his own. And he doubted he would be able to fit into Winnie's clothes like Noah could.

As Noah was getting dressed, Winnie apologized for having to run out and sort things out with the paperwork they would need for the trip to America. A couple minutes after she'd left, Al got a stricken look on his face.

"Muh-Muh," he whispered. "Do you think- Do you think he got out of the fire okay?"

"He's probably fine," Ed said with a frown. "You said he came and went as he pleased. He probably wasn't even in the building."

"I hope he has somewhere else to sleep," Al said, biting at his lip.

"We can stop by the apartment and check," Noah said as she came out of the bathroom. As she talked, she tugged awkwardly at the slacks she was wearing, and Ed noted it was the first time he'd seen her actually wearing pants instead of a dress.

The trio made their way to the apartment, the streets still empty and quiet as the sun started to peek over the tops of the buildings. It was a strange sight to see the blackened remains of the building they had called home. The entire place just seemed so much smaller than it had been when they had been living there before— charred and burned with all of the windows broken and smashed in. Ed could feel the weight of the loss settling in his chest, and he could see the same sadness reflected in Al and Noah's eyes.

They stood there for a few moments, Al looking around as if he could will their belongings back into existence. He stood very still in front of the remains of the building like he was afraid that if he moved too quickly or made any noise at all it would shatter away into nothing but ash right in front of his eyes. Ed walked up beside him and they both stood there in silence for a few moments, just taking everything in.

"It's crazy to think that was our home," Al said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "All of our memories, everything we ever owned, just gone. Poof. Up in smoke."

"Yeah," Ed said, not really knowing what else to say. He couldn't even begin to fathom how difficult this must be for Al. He bumped his shoulder into Al's. "But you're still here, and so am I. And we've got each other. That's what matters most."

Al nodded and leaned into him, the two of them standing there in front of their old apartment building, lost in their thoughts.

"He's going to come back," Al said suddenly, his voice barely above a whisper. "He's going to find a way back to us, right?"

Ed swallowed, feeling a lump form in his throat. "Yeah. He will."

But as he said the words, doubts began to creep in. He had always known Sylvan as someone who never gave up, who always found a way to get what he wanted. But what if this was different? What if this was something even he couldn't overcome? The thought made Ed's heart ache.

"We have to have hope," Ed whispered. He reached out to drape an arm over Al's shoulders and pull him in for a sideways hug.

Al nodded, but Ed could see the doubt and fear still lingering in his eyes. They stood there for a few more minutes, just holding each other and staring at the burnt out husk of their old home.

Hope. It was a word Ed had clung to for so long, through all the hardships and struggles he had faced. He had always believed that as long as he had hope, he could overcome anything. But now, as he stood there with Al in front of their burned-out home, he wasn't so sure anymore.

Noah pushed some hair out of her face and sighed.

"What now?" she asked.

"We have to see if Muh-Muh is around," Al said, taking a few steps toward the rubble.

"I don't know what self-respecting cat would hang around a place like this," Ed said with a frown as Al took a few more steps toward the remains of the apartment building. "Maybe we should just go get those clothes."

But Al had already disappeared into the rubble, calling out for Muh-Muh as he went. Ed and Noah exchanged a look before following him, trying their best to avoid the still-smoldering debris.

"Alphonse, be careful!" Noah called out, her voice tight with worry.

"I'm fine!" Al called back, his voice echoing through the rubble. "Muh-Muh!"

They searched through the rubble for a few more minutes, calling out for the cat and trying to find any sign of life. Finally, when they were about to give up hope, a soft meowing caught their attention. Al turned around and saw Muh-Muh walking towards them, his fur covered in soot and ash.

"Muh-Muh!" Al cried out in relief, rushing towards the cat. Muh-Muh mostly looked like he was annoyed at the whole inconvenience of not having free access to food and automail to mess with.

Ed followed close behind, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he watched Al pick up Muh-Muh and hold him close.

"I told you he'd be okay," Ed said, ruffling Al's hair.

Noah smiled and joined them, petting Muh-Muh gently. "He looks like he's been through a lot," she said with a frown. "Poor thing."

"We'll take care of him," Al said, cuddling Muh-Muh close to his chest. "We always have."

Muh-Muh gave Ed a desperate look, as if he were nothing more than a helpless prisoner in Al's arms. Unable to help himself, Ed let out an amused snicker at the cat.

Noah smiled and looked around the rubble. "Well, I think it's time to go get those clothes," she said.

Ed and Al both nodded in agreement, the three of them making their way out of the rubble and towards the dressing shop.

When they arrived at Else's dress shop, the air was filled with the gentle smell of lavender, which Ed noticed seemed to come from embroidered sachets that had been left in regular intervals around the shop. The entire place was sunny and warm, and somehow felt like spring even though Ed knew it was still winter outside. Even the mannequins seemed to almost dance through the sunshine in their colorful fabrics.

Noah marveled at all the different styles and colors, while Al busied himself running his hands over the fabric textures. Eventually, they made their way over to where Else herself sat behind a counter, her fingers moving quickly as she sewed something together.

It suddenly clicked for Ed that he had already met Else once before. She was Lust's double.

"Oh!" she said, dropping her sewing when her eyes landed on the trio. She jumped to her feet and hurried over to them, clasping one of Noah's and one of Ed's hands. "Thank goodness! You're all alright! When I heard about your apartment—!"

She trailed off, her expression filled with concern. Ed could see the worry etched into her features and realized that she genuinely cared for their well-being. It was almost odd to see such a human emotion being carried by someone who had the same face as Lust, but it was so genuine that Ed couldn't help but like her. It made him wonder what all she had said to him back when he had only just arrived and didn't understand German.

"We're okay," Noah said, squeezing Else's hand. "But thanks to the fire, we suddenly don't have any clothes. We were hoping you'd have something we could borrow...?"

Else's eyes widened even further. "Oh goodness, of course. Please, let me help you find something. Anything you need."

They spent the next hour poring over fabrics and trying on different outfits, with Else fussing over them and making sure everything fit just right. As Else worked, she and Noah chatted about the upcoming move to America. Meanwhile, Ed's mind wandered back to Sylvan. He couldn't shake the feeling of dread that had settled in his stomach. How were they going to manage to switch back in a week? He tried to push the thoughts to the back of his mind and focus on the present, but it was difficult.

"Ed?" Noah's voice broke through his thoughts. "Is everything okay?"

Ed blinked, shaking his head. "Yeah, sorry. Just lost in thought for a second there."

Noah gave him a sympathetic smile before turning to Else. "These clothes are perfect, thank you so much. How much do we owe you?"

Else waved her hand dismissively. "Nonsense, doll. It's the least I can do. Just promise me you'll write sometime, hmm?"

They all agreed before making their way out of the shop, Muh-Muh settling into a comfy spot in the window to watch them leave. Once the situation had been explained, Else was more than happy to let Muh-Muh move in to be a spoiled shop cat.

As they stepped out into the winter air, Ed shivered and pulled his coat tighter around him.

Noah noticed his shiver and placed a hand on his arm. "Are you sure you're okay?" she asked again, her voice laced with concern.

Ed nodded, trying to push away his thoughts once more. "Yeah, just feels colder out here than it did before."

They walked in silence for a while, their breaths visible in the cold air. Al was carrying the new clothes in a bundle under his arm, like it had become his replacement for the cuddles he'd been getting from Muh-Muh just moments before.

Meanwhile, Ed was lost in his own thoughts. His mind kept circling back to his home, wondering what Sylvan was doing in his place. He hoped that Sylvan was taking care of his body and not getting into any trouble. The thought of what could go wrong made him feel even more anxious.

He decided to channel all his uncertainty and worry into making sure that he got the automail done in time to be able to make it into Al's work. The last thing he needed was unfinished automail on top of the worries about moving to America and switching back with Sylvan. So once they got back to the hotel room, Ed attacked the automail with gusto, pushing every stressed nerve into making himself the most efficient automail mechanic possible. Which was a feat, considering he wasn't even technically a mechanic, just a weirdo with more brain than he knew what to do with. The fact that he was repairing automail in a world where automail didn't exist when he wasn't an automail mechanic... Well, it just proved that one could never surround a bored genius with any kind of information without there being consequences. An Ed without alchemy was like a dry sponge, and automail had just happened to be the closest source of water.

He ended up working almost non-stop, only pausing for bathroom breaks and scarfing down some food at lunchtime. By the time the automail was assembled enough to be transported more easily, it was already starting to get dark out.

"It's not too late to be going to your work, is it?" Ed said in a low voice as he and Al walked down the street. Al gave a careless shrug.

"It's probably better to be going now," he said. "Less chance of people seeing us this way, anyway. And besides, it's like I said. What are they going to do, fire me? Oh no. I'm shaking in my boots. Shaking!"

Ed snorted and shook his head, still baffled at how Al could be so comfortable with breaking rules.

"Alright," Al said, putting his hands on his hips as they approached a chain link fence. "What d'ya think? Time for the ol' alley-oop?"

Ed made a face. "Not the ol' alley-oop. I'm getting too old for the ol' alley-oop."

"Relax, old man," Al said with a laugh, punching at Ed's right arm. "I was joking. I work here. I have a key."

"Goddammit Al," Ed muttered, rolling his eyes. 

But he couldn't deny the relief that washed over him at the idea of not having to climb a fence in the dark. Al led the way, unlocking the chain link gate and swinging it open, gesturing for Ed to follow him inside.

As they stepped inside, Ed couldn't help but feel a little unease at the idea of trespassing. Even if Al did work there. And even if it was something Ed had done a thousand times in the past. It felt different and weird after he'd left those days behind him long ago. But he also couldn't let Al go into that building alone, and he definitely couldn't just let the automail go without getting repaired.

The warehouse was dark and shadowy, the only light coming from a few high windows near the ceiling. The machines loomed in the shadows like sleeping giants, and Ed couldn't help but be intimidated by their size and complexity. He had never considered himself much of a mechanic, after all. That had always been Winry's thing.

"You work with this?" Ed asked, glancing around at the various pieces of machinery in awe. "This is insane."

Al beamed at him. "I know, right? It's amazing what humans can create when they set their minds to it."

Ed smiled back, feeling a little bit more reassured by Al's confidence. If anyone could pull off working in a place like this, it was definitely Al.

"Okay, I have a little corner to tinker with things over here," Al said, leading the way past the machines and into a sheltered corner with several workbenches. "What exactly did you need to do?"

"Mostly I have to solder a bunch of wires in place," Ed hissed back. He wasn't sure exactly why he was whispering when there was no one around to hear them. But his voice felt unnaturally loud in the dark and empty space of the giant room around them. "But I also have to remake some of the casing pieces for the outside. These things got smashed to all hell."

"That's Brother," Al said with a sigh, darting his eyes upwards as if he were seeking divine guidance. After a brief moment to realize that all divinity had abandoned him to deal with the Ed problem on his own, he sighed and said, "There's some soldering supplies over there. I can save you some work and get started on the casing if you give me the pieces you need to remake."

"You're a fucking angel," Ed said, dumping the arm and leg onto a workbench. He much preferred what Winry called "the fiddly work" anyway. As a teenager, he probably would have hated the concentration it took to get lost in soldering teeny tiny wires to one another, but as an adult, Ed found it oddly soothing. Almost meditative, in a way.

If he was being honest, it wasn't that he didn't have the energy for that sort of thing as a teenager, he just had never seen value in putting that energy into anything other than alchemy.

As Ed settled in to start his work, Al bustled around him, the sound of clanging metal filling the air. He was working quickly and methodically, measuring and cutting the casing pieces with a precision that impressed even Ed. Clearly, Al had gotten used to projects like this with the job he'd been working in this world.

Ed worked on his own project in silence, letting the rhythm of the work take over his thoughts. He pushed aside the worries about the switch and impending move and instead focused on the tiny details of the automail. The smoothness of each connection, the way each wire looped perfectly into place.

It wasn't until the wee hours of the morning that they finally finished. Ed got so sucked into his work that he didn't even notice the sunrise creeping in through the windows until he had soldered the last wire in place and was leaning back with a groan.

"Well, I'm done," he said, standing up and stretching out his arms as he turned in Al's direction."How're you doing?"

"Oh, I've been done for a while," Al said, biting his lip as he leaned in until he was only a few centimeters away from the arm plate in front of him. "But I never know how to put minimal effort into anything, so I've been over here being obnoxiously artistic."

When he got closer, Ed was able to see that Al was actually engraving the casing, to the point that delicate swooping lines covered most of the other pieces spread out on the table in front of him.

"I know you like all your badass things," Al said, wrinkling his nose as he added several short lines in a row. "But I'm not particularly good at drawing skulls. Or dragons. Or gargoyles. But I can draw flowers. So I gave you the most badass... flower I know. The classic and mighty rose."

Ed laughed, throwing his head back. "Well, that's definitely one way to describe a rose."

"Excuse you, roses are extremely badass!" Al said with a huff. He was still absorbed in adding the last few lines to his work, but added in a dark tone, "They're forever stained with the blood of their victims. How much more badass do you want?"

"Hey, I never said they aren't badass!" Ed said, holding his hands up in surrender.

By the time they had slotted all the pieces back together and were fitting the limbs onto Ed, it was suddenly occurring to him what it meant to have pulled an all-nighter. The last time he'd done that, he hadn't been able to talk to Sylvan because their sleep schedules hadn't aligned. Which meant that he wouldn't know what was going on with Sylvan until the next night.

Ed tried to push the thought out of his mind. He'd needed to get the automail done before they left town, there was no avoiding that. Sylvan would just have to wait. Things wouldn't go that wrong in a day, anyway.

There was a worried note in the back of Ed's mind yelling at him that there had been plenty of times when things had gone disastrously wrong in one day, who was he kidding, but Ed tried to push the thought out of his mind. After all, for every time in his life when things had gone horribly wrong in one day, there were probably at least a dozen days in return where nothing had happened at all.

As Ed stood up and tested the newly repaired automail, a sound came from the front of the warehouse along with a beam of light.

"Crap," Al hissed. "The morning shift is here already?!"

Ed's heart sank. They had been so engrossed in their work that they hadn't even heard anyone coming in. Had the workers seen them? Were they going to get caught?

"We need to go," Ed said urgently, grabbing his coat and the two limbs he'd taken off. "Now."

Al didn't need any further prompting, quickly following Ed as he ducked down and darted through the machines, darting from one shadow to the next. Ed had caught sight of the door and was just thinking that they would actually make it when a shadow crossed in front of their path.

"Alphonse," the burly man said, crossing his arms as he frowned down at the two Elrics. "My office. Now."

He then looked over at Ed, narrowing his eyes. "And Schmidt is going to deal with this... trespasser." 

Chapter Text

Sylvan stood in the emptiness of the void, his heart pounding like a drum as he waited for Kai to appear. The air felt thick and heavy, suffocating him with each breath he took. He knew that was just an illusion, considering there was no air for him to choke on, let alone lungs to choke with, but he still nervously pulled at his collar as if it would somehow help him breathe more easily.

"Kai," he whispered, "where are you?"

The minutes continued to stretch out, and in the empty space, Sylvan had no way of knowing if it just felt like hours had passed, or if it had actually been hours since he'd first appeared. Still, time kept passing at whatever rate it was passing, and with every passing moment, Sylvan's anxiety grew. The weight of responsibility bore down on him, choking off any semblance of hope. He clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white.

"Kai, please," he pleaded, his voice cracking with desperation.

The void remained silent, uncaring.

I can tell you're pacing in your mind, even if you pretend otherwise.

I was rewarded for my materialization with Sylvan jumping a foot in the air, though he did his best to hide it and pretend it had never happened. Sure, sure, the great and mighty Fullmetal Alchemist is so strong and amazing that he can't even be startled by a divine entity appearing by his elbow.

"What do you want, an award?" Sylvan muttered. "It's already hard enough to keep the pacing restricted to my mind, give me a break."

You torment yourself needlessly.

"It's not needless," Sylvan said, his eyes narrowing. "Why isn't Kai here? He only ever doesn't show up if he doesn't sleep, and the only time he doesn't sleep is when something's gone wrong. Where is he? What happened?"

Like I said last time, you really need to work on trusting yourself more.

"I know, I know, I'm working on it," Sylvan muttered with a wave of his hand. He was silent for a long minute, pinching at his bottom lip as he frowned into the empty distance. Yeah, sorry buddy, it's gonna be a long night at that rate.

Finally, he sighed and pulled his hand away from his lip to look over at me with a frown. "So were you really at the Gate all this time?"

I shrugged. It's not so much that I'm at the Gate as much as... I am the Gate.

"You are the Gate?" Sylvan repeated with a frown. "But isn't the Gate, like..." He threw his arm out, pointing in a direction away from him. It didn't add much to his point, considering that the space was currently completely empty, save for the two of us.

Who says I can't exist in multiple places at once? I didn't see you arguing about it when I said I'm You.

Sylvan frowned, but grunted like he was doing his best to process that information. I let him think on it, the silence stretching out for a long minute.

"Well, if you were always here," he finally said, crossing his arms over his chest, "Why didn't I ever meet you before?"

That's a very good question. I grinned and leaned in towards him. You know more about the differences between yours and Kai's life now. Why do you think you and I never talked before now?

He frowned, reaching up to pinch his lip again. He was lost in deep concentration for a long minute before he finally huffed and threw his arms in the air. "I don't know! Weren't we at about the same mental place when we did the transmutation? Why would it be different?"

I sighed. Maybe this time, I could actually cut the guy a break and spoon-feed him some of the answers. After all, if he was finally willing to talk to me, that also meant he was finally willing to listen, at least a little bit. Maybe.

You've always been more... I made a waffling gesture with a hand. More... self-reliant than Kai. You got a lot more evidence that the world didn't care and had turned its back on you. So it got hard for you to see any other reality. Vicious cycle, really.

"And Kai didn't think that?"

Not as much as you.

Sylvan blinked, looking away to stare into the distance with a frown. "So the fact that I'm actually talking to you now, even when he's not here, that means...?"

Character growth. My grin deepened.

"Yippee," Sylvan muttered with a roll of his eyes. "Thanks to trauma, I'm now a more fully rounded person. Thanks, trauma!"

I sighed. Leave it to an Ed to turn something significant into a dark joke. Not like I could claim I was any better, though. All is one and the one is stupid. Sometimes trauma can be the push that starts a change, yes. But the decision to move forward, that's always within ourselves. You chose to grow, to change, to open up. That's all you.

"I wouldn't say I really had a choice," Sylvan muttered with a frown as he rubbed the back of his neck. "What other choice was I supposed to make? Not move forward?"

You've tried to make that choice before. That's what made you end up here the first time.

"Yeah," he said with a scoff. "And I found out that you can't really avoid moving forward. Either you move, or time drags you along with it. Entropy comes for us all."

You could choose to let it come for you. You could choose to give up. To succumb.

"No, I can't," Sylvan scoffed. "There are people counting on me."

So you would give up if there was no one?

"I..." Sylvan paused and frowned, biting at his lip. "I nearly did. In Germany."

But you didn't.

"No, I guess I didn't," Sylvan said with a huff as he threw his hands in the air. "Why does that matter?"

It means you see something valuable to all of this. Even when you claim you had no other choice. Even when you claim everything is for the sake of others. When you had a heart attack, you desperately wanted to go back. That was your choice. Why did you choose it?

Sylvan was silent for a moment before he let out a deep sigh, his shoulders sagging. "I don't know," he admitted quietly. "Maybe... Maybe it's because I don't want to die yet. There's still so much I want to do, so much I want to see. And I don't want to leave everything behind."

I nodded. It doesn't have to be for anyone else. You can choose to live for yourself, too. You know the truth about Equivalent Exchange. Your life is yours to do what you will with. You don't have a debt to pay just for existing.

Sylvan was silent for a long moment, just staring at me with a tight twist to his lips as his eyes shone with unshed tears. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to for me to know exactly what he was feeling. I was feeling it deep within a corner of my own heart, after all. The dude really needed to lighten up and give himself a chance to breathe. The weight he was carrying wouldn't be nearly as heavy if he made sure to give himself a little more grace while he carried it.

You know... I decided to change the subject. This is a realm of infinite possibilities. You can manifest anything you would like right now, real or otherwise. Reality can be whatever you make it. You don't have to focus on the stress right now.

"Easy for you to say," Sylvan muttered, running a hand through his dark blond bangs. "I can't just ignore what's happening. If I can't talk to Kai—"

Your fear and anxiety will not bring him here.

Sylvan huffed and scowled at me, but didn't argue with the statement. Amazing. For once he actually saw that there wasn't much point in trying to start an argument with the All. 

If you absolutely must do work right now, you could always try working on yourself instead. You could face whatever shadow makes you feel as if you're never allowed to rest.

Sylvan looked away, biting at his lip. "But I need to—"

All you've ever needed to do is just exist, Edward. You're the only one making impossible goals for yourself.

Sylvan frowned, still avoiding looking at me as he struggled with the idea of letting go of his worry. I decided to give him a nudge in the right direction, shifting the landscape around us until it changed from an empty canvas to a grassy hill on a dark night. The breeze that wrapped around us was the warm sort of breeze that happens on summer nights, carrying the scent of honeysuckle with it. Sylvan's gaze softened, his eyes immediately lighting with nostalgia as he recognized the memory. His fingers twitched as if he were wondering why he wasn't holding Noah's hand like he remembered.

"Fine," he whispered, finally relenting. "I'll try."

Good. Just because you're going through hard times doesn't mean you can't ever allow yourself a chance to breathe. Hold onto your memories, and they will see you through whatever comes next.

As I let myself meld back into the void, Sylvan's eyelids fluttered closed, and his mind drifted away from the cold, empty void of the Gate. Gradually, he found himself surrounded by the comforting blanket of the night sky, filled with countless twinkling stars and the soft rustling of leaves in the cool breeze. He lay on his back, the damp grass beneath him grounding him to the earth as he stared up at the heavens.

"Oh, the stars are beautiful tonight." Noah's voice broke the stillness, grinning as she nestled her arms under the back of her head like a pillow. When Ed turned to look at her, he could see the starlight reflecting back at him through her dark eyes. "Is it hard for you?"

"Is what hard?" Ed asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Adjusting to our stars," she said, gesturing with one hand towards the vast expanse above them. "They must be different from the ones in your world."

"Why would you think the stars are different?" Ed said with a laugh, and Noah wrinkled her nose at him. "Noah, you tapped into my brain to learn complex alchemical circles, didn't you notice that some of the symbols happened to be astrological?"

Noah scrunched up her face like she was trying to remember something for a test. "What's that have to do with it?"

"Because," Ed said with a laugh as he scooted closer to her. He placed his hand over hers on the grass so she'd have a better time remembering the symbols as he talked. "Venus, Mars, Mercury... It's the same symbols and same planet names as this world. We even have constellations in common. Cancer, Scorpio, Aquarius... Those are all important symbols in alchemy, and they're the same here as they were back home."

"Oh," Noah said, slightly pouting. "That's no fun. I thought you would be able to tell me about completely different stars. It's a whole different world. Isn't everything supposed to be different?"

A small, wistful smile crossed Ed's lips as he thought about the question. The stars had been one of the few constants in his life, a beacon of hope that guided him through the darkest moments. Even when everything else had changed, the stars remained the same—almost like old friends, always there when he needed them most.

"It would surprise you how much two different worlds can have in common. In some ways, they're not all that different," he murmured, feeling a strange sense of kinship with the celestial bodies. He looked over at Noah with a small smile, watching as she stared upwards, her eyes flicking across groups of stars. "Besides, we're technically parallel worlds, not different. Our histories are mostly the same up until physics overtook alchemy in this world. This world and my home are probably spinning in the exact same point in space in two alternate realities."

"Alternate realities?" Noah said, pinching her lips. "You're talking too much Ed-ish again. It's too confusing."

Ed laughed at that, leaning back on his elbows. "You brought it up!"

"And you turned it nerdy!"

The silver moonlight bathed Noah's face as she lay on the grass, her eyes reflecting the cosmic tapestry above them. The soft rustle of the wind whispered through the trees, carrying with it the faint scent of honeysuckle and dew. Ed studied her profile, his heart aching with the bittersweet realization that this moment was but a fleeting memory—one he would never truly be able to recapture.

"You said our two histories are mostly the same," Noah said, breaking the silence that had settled between them like a delicate veil. "So are there some stars that are different?"

"Maybe," Ed said with a shrug. "I don't know every single star in the sky that well. I just know that some of the constellations are a little different. Sometimes they have different stories, too."

"Different stories?" Noah's eyes glittered with curious excitement as she sat up halfway to look over at Ed. "Could you tell me one?"

Ed hesitated, feeling the weight of the memories pressing against the walls of his mind. He tried to think of a story that would resonate with her, one that would bridge the chasm between their worlds and somehow bring them closer together. An owl hooted softly as it sat on a branch, surveying the scene as if it were perched on a throne. Noah's breathing was even and soft as Ed sat up and scooted closer to her so he could line up his perspective with hers, putting his chin on her shoulder and pointing upwards, almost straight above their heads.

"Alright," he said finally, his voice barely more than a whisper. "The story of Cassiopeia and Andromeda goes a bit differently in my world."

Noah leaned into his touch as she looked up at the sky. "How is it different?" she breathed.

"In my world, Cassiopeia was actually a powerful alchemist who had a daughter named Andromeda," Ed explained, his voice low and smooth in her ear. "Andromeda was a talented alchemist too, but her mother was obsessed with power and fame. So when Andromeda fell in love with a commoner, Cassiopeia was furious and she planned an elaborate transmutation where she would absorb Andromeda's youth and beauty for herself."

Noah gasped, her eyes wide as she turned to look at him. "That's terrible! But what would happen to Andromeda?"

Ed stayed silent, keeping his gaze on the sky as his lips tightened. He didn't have to say anything for Noah to understand that Andromeda wasn't meant to survive such an encounter.

"Her own mother?" Noah whispered, scooting another inch closer to Ed and squeezing his hand. "That's awful. Can people really do such a transmutation?"

"No, of course not," Ed said quickly. But as quickly as he said it, his mind flicked back to Dante and Lyra, thinking of the girl he'd met who'd been just as quickly snuffed out thanks to greed and obsession. He didn't even know how long Dante had been repeating that same cycle. Perhaps the entire legend of Cassiopeia had been based on her in the first place. Ed certainly wouldn't put it past her to sacrifice her own daughter.

He frowned and tightened his lips. "Well. It's something only a couple alchemists can do, at least."

"But," Ed said, turning his head slightly towards her, "in my world, Andromeda wasn't just a helpless princess. She was a warrior, and a powerful alchemist of her own. So when her mother tried to take her away for the transmutation, Andromeda fought back with all her strength. She managed to escape her mother's grasp, but Cassiopeia's obsession had consumed her. She chased after Andromeda and the two battled fiercely in the night sky. Andromeda was able to hold off her mother for a while, but she was getting weaker the longer she had to keep fighting."

Noah was hanging on to his words and squeezing his hand as if she were a child in school listening to the story. Ed almost wanted to chuckle at how invested she was in the story. Not because he thought it was silly, though. It was endearing that she was always so interested in hearing his stories about home, especially when he had gotten used to Alfons always brushing his stories off.

"There's another story about how when Andromeda was young, she saved a suffering chimera and released him to the sky," Ed continued in a low murmur. "Here, that's known as the constellation pegasus. He saw her suffering in battle with her mother, and in a wave of compassion for his old friend, he swooped in and saved her."

Noah's eyes shone with wonder as she absorbed the tale, her chest rising and falling with each breath. "I love that," she whispered, a fierce determination flickering in her gaze. "In the end, her own kindness saved her. And a woman who doesn't need a hero, but becomes one herself."

"Exactly," Ed murmured, his heart swelling with pride at the way Noah embraced the story—as if it had been waiting for her all along.

Noah frowned. "But what happened to Cassiopeia?"

Ed shrugged, his eyes still on the sky. "Well, in some versions of the story, she repents and starts to use her powers for good. In others, she just disappears and is never seen from again. Some say she's still up in the sky, trapped."

Noah was silent for a moment, taking in the story before she finally spoke up. "It's amazing how different the same story can be," she whispered, her eyes still fixed on the stars. "In one world, Andromeda is just a helpless princess, and in another, she's a warrior and an alchemist. It makes me wonder what other stories are different between our worlds."

"Yeah," Ed agreed with a soft chuckle, leaning in until his shoulder was pressing against Noah's. "I guess we'll just have to keep comparing notes."

Noah nodded in agreement as they both sat in comfortable silence under the sky full of stars, their minds lost in thoughts of alternate realities and different stories. As they sat there together, it felt like nothing else existed in the world but them and the stars above. Beneath the twinkling canopy of night, the two of them sat side by side on the cool grass, their gazes fixed on the stars above. A gentle breeze rustled through the trees, carrying with it the scent of dew-kissed earth and the whisper of distant dreams.

"It's kind of funny," Ed whispered after a long minute. "For most of our lives, we were worlds apart from each other, looking at the same stars but hearing different stories, never knowing there was... more."

Noah turned her head to look at Ed, her eyes roving over his face as she listened intently to his words. "More?" she repeated softly, her head tilted slightly in confusion.

Ed nodded, his eyes still fixed on the sky. "More than just our own worlds. More than just the stories we've been told. More to the world than we ever thought possible. There's so much out there that we haven't even begun to imagine yet. All these years, we've been looking at the same stars, hearing different stories, never knowing that the other existed a world away."

Noah's eyes sparkled with wonder and something deeper—a profound sense of belonging that seemed to bridge the gap between their worlds.

"Isn't it strange how fate works?" she mused, her gaze drifting back to the heavens. "How the same stars can hold such vastly different stories, yet still connect us all?"

Ed nodded, his soul echoing her sentiment. As they lay there, side by side yet worlds apart, he realized that the true beauty of the stars was not in their distant brilliance, but in the way they brought people together—binding them with the unbreakable thread of shared dreams and whispered secrets. And as the borders between reality and dreams blurred, he realized that the true meaning of the stars lay not in the distant heavens, but in the connections they forged right here on earth.

"Thank you, Ed," Noah whispered as she rested her head on his shoulder. Ed blinked and tore his gaze away from the stars to look down at her mess of dark hair resting against him.

"For what?"

"For the story," Noah said with a shrug. "For being here. For... choosing this world. I'm glad I get to explore it with you."

"Yeah, me too," Ed whispered back with a grin, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her tighter against him. As the night deepened, drawing them ever closer to the dawn, he knew that this moment—this fragile, fleeting connection—was a story all its own. Maybe even a story that would one day be worthy of the stars itself.

Ed's eyes fluttered open, the weight of the world settling back onto his shoulders as he awoke to the harsh light of day. The dream—stargazing with Noah, their laughter and wonder weaving together into a tapestry of connection—faded away like a wisp of smoke, leaving him with a dull ache in his chest.

He groaned, rubbing his temples as he sat up in bed, the reality of his situation crashing down around him. He still had to talk to Winry about going to Xenotime, a discussion he'd been dreading. With every passing moment, the pressure built, threatening to crush him beneath its suffocating embrace. Winry still slept peacefully in the bed beside him, oblivious to the stress he was feeling about talking to her later.

"Get up and walk," he muttered to himself, forcing his legs over the edge of the bed. "You can do this."

As he shuffled down the staircase, the scent of coffee wafted through the air, a comforting aroma that did little to quell the storm raging within him. Upon reaching the kitchen, Ed saw Rosé standing by the coffeepot, her dark hair pulled back in a loose ponytail, her face etched with worry beneath her pink bangs.

"You're up early," Ed commented, trying to sound casual despite the turmoil in his chest.

Rosé shook her head, her gaze distant. "I was having trouble sleeping," she admitted, fiddling with the fabric of her dress. "Thought I'd make coffee for everyone. If I can't sleep, I might as well fully commit to being awake, right?"

Ed's mouth watered at the mere suggestion of coffee, though he knew it would still be the awful-tasting Amestrian blend he had forgotten about after his years away. Still the promise of caffeine tugged at him, and he licked his lips.

"I don't suppose that's caffinated?" he said, taking another step towards Rosé and the coffeepot.

"What else would coffee be?" Rosé said with a laugh as she poured a cup and held it out to him. "You want some?"

Ed hesitated, his hands halfway to the mug even as he remembered Winry's fear over him having caffeinated anything. He knew she was trying to protect him after the heart attack and all, but after a long night like he'd had, he desperately needed something to keep him going, especially if he was going to do all the hard things he'd planned on for the day. He took the mug from Rosé before he could question himself further, holding back a grimace.

"Don't tell Winry," he whispered conspiratorially. "I'm technically not supposed to have this. But thank you."

"Least I could do," she said softly, giving him a small, amused grin as her eyes flickered over him for a brief moment before she occupied herself with pouring a mug for herself.

As Ed turned to leave the kitchen, he couldn't help but feel the weight of Rosé's eyes on him, her concern palpable in the air between them. It was as though she could sense his distress, and for a moment, he wondered if she, too, felt the pull of the strange connection between them that he couldn't even fully explain. But as he gazed into her dark, searching eyes, he knew that such thoughts were nothing more than wishful thinking—desperate attempts to make sense of a reality that defied explanation. Whatever lay ahead, he would have to face it alone, guided only by the glimmering stars that had led him this far.

He glanced out the kitchen window. Outside was still dark in that heavy way that was typical of early winter mornings, the sun just barely starting to peek over the horizon to cast a pale orange glow. He needed to clear his head before talking to Winry, and taking Lucky for a walk seemed like the perfect excuse to do so. As he reached for the leash hanging by the door, he noticed Rosé's eyes following him curiously.

"Are you going out?"

"Just for a little bit," Ed said as he shrugged on his coat. Lucky had already caught on to his intentions and was happily bouncing around his feet, her long coat rippling in waves as she moved. "The dog just needs a walk."

"Would you mind if I join you?" Rosé asked hesitantly.

"Uh, sure," Ed replied, trying to hide his surprise. "I could use the company."

Rosé's face brightened at his response, and together they led Lucky outside, the morning air crisp and sharp against their skin. It almost felt a little haunting, the world not entirely awake and still bathed in darkness even as the barest hint of orange was appearing on the horizon. Even the birds weren't awake yet, the world stuck in a strange in-between that wasn't quite night or morning yet.

They walked in silence for several moments, the gentle crunch of gravel underfoot providing a steady rhythm to their thoughts. Ed's heart raced as he tried to think about why Rosé had asked to come with him. Perhaps she had just wanted a chance to stretch her legs? But it would have been easy enough for her to go out on her own instead of asking to accompany Ed.

"Hey, Ed?" Rosé broke the silence, her voice soft and hesitant. "Why did you call me the other night? I mean, you sounded really panicked."

Ed's stomach twisted into knots, the memory of that desperate phone call resurfacing in vivid detail. His mind raced for an answer he couldn't give, an explanation that wouldn't betray the truth of his feelings for Noah. How could he explain the truth without telling her... everything? He couldn't let Rosé know about his feelings for a woman who was her double in another world. He glanced at her, studying the gentle curve of her cheek, the kindness in her eyes, and marveled at the cruel twist of fate that had brought them together once more.

"I—uh," he stuttered, his voice cracking as he struggled to find the right words. The silence stretched between them like a chasm, his thoughts a whirlwind.

"Um, well…" he began again, dragging his right leg through the dirt as he searched for the right words. "Sometimes, you're just suddenly hit with a strong urge to reconnect with someone from your past, you know? It's hard to explain."

"Is everything okay, though?" she pressed, concern etched in her features.

"Uh, yeah," he lied, forcing a smile. "I'm fine."

Rosé nodded thoughtfully, her gaze steady on him as she seemed to weigh his response. After a long minute, a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "Fate, or whatever it is that brings people together, has a funny way of working, doesn't it?"

"It sure does," Ed muttered, his heart heavy with the weight of secrets and unspoken truths.

They resumed their walk, the silence between them now heavy with unspoken thoughts and questions. As they passed by a grove of trees, Ed couldn't help but notice the way the sunlight filtered through the leaves, dappling Rosé's face in intricate patterns of light and shadow. It was a scene that seemed to blur the line between reality and dream, as if the universe itself conspired to remind him of the deep connection between their worlds.

"Rosé," he ventured hesitantly, "I'm glad we have this chance to reconnect. I... I've missed you."

"Me too," she replied warmly, her eyes shining with sincerity. "No matter where life takes us, Ed, I hope we can always find our way back to each other."

His memories flicked back to a golden ballroom, Rosé in an elegant dress as she spun around the room and begged him to dance with her. Ed swallowed a lump in his throat. Rosé didn't even know it, but somehow the two of them always had managed to find their way back to each other, at least in his world. It was strange to be caught in Kai's life, realizing that Rosé had never had more than a passing part to play. As they walked home together, their shadows merging and diverging with every step, he couldn't help but wonder if he would still be able to find his way back to Noah again, even with all the obstacles that seemed to currently be blocking the way.

As they walked, the sun slowly inched higher in the sky, making their shadows appear on the ground before them and casting dappled patterns through the trees. Lucky bounded ahead, her tail wagging in pure joy, oblivious to the weight of the conversation that lay between the two humans behind her.

The sunrise case a warm glow on Rosé's face as they continued their walk through the quiet streets of Resembool. Ed couldn't help but notice how the sunlight highlighted the subtle changes in her complexion, and he found himself searching for answers to questions he wasn't sure he wanted to ask.

"Rosé," he began hesitantly, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but I could've sworn your skin was... darker when we were younger."

She glanced at him, a hint of surprise flickering in her eyes before giving way to understanding. "No, it's alright," she replied softly. "You're not wrong. My skin has changed over the years. I have vitiligo."

"Vitiligo?" Ed echoed, his brow furrowing as he struggled to recall ever hearing the word before.

"It's a skin disorder," she explained, her gaze becoming distant. She stopped walking for a minute, reaching down to pull up the hem of her dress, revealing a jagged edge on her thigh where her skin suddenly turned into the dark shade Ed was familiar with. "You slowly lose your pigmentation in patches all over your body. It started appearing several years ago. People always gave me such funny looks and got so judgemental about it, so I've been trying to hide it ever since. I'm lucky, at least. I can hide most of my patches. Some people aren't able to hide it because it's showing somewhere obvious, like their face."

Ed frowned, thinking how it seemed sad for someone to consider themselves lucky in the fact that they were able to hide a piece of themselves from the world, something that should never need to be hidden in the first place. His thoughts flicked back to Noah, how he could feel the scowls of people walking past whenever he was with her, how she sometimes wished that she didn't look so immediately Roma to strangers at first glance. Different world, same old shit. 

Rosé had an expression on her face that was pained and withdrawn, even as she told him this thing that was obviously a sensitive issue for her. Ed felt a sudden ache in his own heart at her expression. He felt pain for her having something that she felt other people would judge her for, pain for this secret she'd been carrying with her for years, pain for the fact that of course he'd just barged his way into a sensitive topic without even thinking.

"Rosé, I'm sorry," he said sincerely, reaching for her hand. "I didn't mean to pry."

She shook her head, offering him a small, rueful smile. "No, it's fine. If anything, I'm glad I can be honest with you about it. It's not something I talk about often."

As they walked on, Ed couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt for the secrets he still kept from her. Here she was openly admitting to her own secrets, and he had an entire encyclopedia of secrets he was still keeping from her. Instead, he focused on the weight of her hand in his, the warmth of their shared connection a balm against the ache in his heart.

"I appreciate you trusting me with this," he whispered, squeezing her hand gently.

"I appreciate you being here," she replied, her voice heavy with unspoken emotions.

As they rounded the bend toward home, Lucky bounding energetically at their side, Ed steeled himself for the conversations that awaited him. He would have to face both Winry and Rosé, each in their own way, and somehow find a way to navigate the tangled web of fate that bound them all together.

"Thanks for joining me," he said quietly, more to himself than to Rosé.

"Of course," she replied, her voice warm and understanding. "We all need someone to lean on sometimes, even if we don't know why."

He nodded, a bittersweet smile playing on his lips. And as they walked home together, their shadows merging and diverging with every step, he couldn't help but wonder how it was all so simple for her. Unlike alchemists, Rosé didn't need an answer for every question of the universe and her place in it. Sometimes it seemed like all she needed to know was that she was loved, wherever she happened to fit into the cosmos.

And Ed couldn't help but wish that he could be a little more like Noah sometimes.

No, not Noah, he reminded himself sternly. Rosé. He was talking to Rosé.

As they stepped through the front door of the house, they found Winry sitting at the table, her golden hair pulled back in a messy ponytail while she blearily sipped at a steaming mug. Al was standing at the stove, making breakfast. The room was filled with the warm scent of bacon and the soft laughter of family. Again Ed found himself marveling at the fact that Kai had managed to build such a life, so simple and comfortable. Only for Ed to come barging in like an elephant in a china shop to ruin everything.

"Good morning," he said, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Morning, Ed," Winry replied, her voice still drowsy. "You look tired. Are you alright?"

"I-I didn't get much sleep," he stammered, rubbing the back of his neck. "I just... I have something important to tell you."

Winry frowned, narrowing her eyes at him, but she gestured at the chair across from her at the dining table. "Alright," she said slowly, the one word hanging in the air as a question as she put her mug down.  

Ed took a seat, gripping his fingers at the edge of the chair as if he were still just a kid in school who was having to tell his mother the trouble he'd gotten into. He hesitated for a moment, searching for the right words before finally taking a deep breath and meeting Winry's gaze.

"Winry... Al and I... We have to leave as soon as possible. We need to go to Xenotime."

"Xenotime?" Winry repeated with a frown, tightening her hands around her mug. "Why on earth would you need to go to Xenotime?" 

"Things are... complicated," Ed said with a frown, his gaze flicking over to Rosé as he spoke. He wasn't sure how to fully explain everything to Winry when Rosé still didn't even know about the body switch. He hoped Winry would at least understand that he couldn't explain everything in front of Rosé, who looked awkward as she realized that this was maybe the sort of conversation she wasn't supposed to be a part of. 

"I heard about some research an alchemist is doing in Xenotime that looks promising," Ed continued in a low tone. "But I can't fully understand what's going on unless I go and see it for myself. But it might be... It might be just the information I need to reverse... Ah... my condition."

"Okay, so go in a few days," Winry said with a huff. "Hell, go next week! You've got the doctor coming from Central in a couple of days, the royal caravan is probably going to arrive any day now, and I still have a full list of clients for the week who already had to put off their appointments. Why do you have to go now?" 

Ed frowned, his mind racing over the week-long timeline he had to somehow meet before Kai got on a boat and headed off for America. Sure, maybe they were wrong about the whole timezone thing and they would still be able to talk. But Kai was willing to try as long as Ed met that deadline. He didn't know how to explain that Kai's willing involvement was too valuable to risk losing. 

"Winry," he said softly. "I'm sorry. But I need to do this. I have responsibilities—"

"Responsibilities?" she echoed, her voice trembling. Whether it was from anger or tears, Ed couldn't entirely tell. Quite possibly both. "But what about us? What about your responsibilities here?"

Ed winced at the sharpness of her tone. "I know, Winry. I'm sorry. But this is important. Al's going to come with me, so you know there'll be someone making sure I say safe." He looked over at his brother, who had been silently watching the exchange from the stove. "We need to go."

Winry stared at him, her eyes filled with hurt and anger.

"Winry," he said softly, reaching for her hand. "I'm not abandoning you or the kids. I will always come back to you."

She opened her mouth like she was going to protest, but then her eyes flicked over to Rosé, and she shut her mouth again. Ed had a feeling that meant that she'd about to protest that clearly, he didn't always come back to her, because he'd left his own Winry behind.

"This is different," he murmured, squeezing her hand as he looked her in the eyes. She swallowed her protests, her eyes instead flaring with a stubborn glint.

"Ed, I can't just leave my clients and go on a surprise jaunt to Xenotime! There's no one to tell anyone what's going on, no one to watch Teddy and Zaza...!"

"I didn't expect you to come along." Ed frowned at her. He hadn't even considered such a possibility, to be honest. Since when did Winry tag along on their travels, anyway? Winry's tears fell like rain, her eyes reflecting the fear of losing those she held dear once more. Her hands trembled as they clutched Ed's, seeking some semblance of reassurance in his touch.

"Is this it, then?" she choked out, her voice barely a whisper. "Are we going back to the way things were? You and Al always running off on some dangerous adventure, leaving me behind to worry?"

Ed's heart stuttered in his chest, guilt gnawing at him as he looked at Winry's tear-streaked face. Was that what his Winry had looked like when she'd realized that his airplane was never coming back? He had always been so preoccupied with leaving that he hadn't really thought to take the time to look back and see what Winry looked like when he left her.

"No, Win," he said, getting out of his chair so he could move closer to her, kneeling on the ground in front of her and stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. "This is not the same as before. I would never abandon you or the kids."

"I'm going with you," Winry said, sniffing and pulling her hands out of Ed's grip so she could wipe the tears away from her face. "You're not going off to get into trouble without me."

"But—" Ed's face twisted in a frown. "What about the clients, the kids? You just said—"

"Um," Rosé said softly, stepping forward. "I know you only just met me, Winry, but... I would be happy to stay and babysit the kids and tell everyone that you had a sudden emergency. I think... I think that might be why god called me here."

Winry looked to Ed and raised her eyebrows. She didn't have to say a word for him to know that she was asking for his opinion on whether he trusted Rosé like that. Ed looked to Rosé, then back to Winry with a sharp nod of approval.

"I'd trust her with my life," he murmured.

There was a long moment of silence before Winry finally gave a slow nod, looking over Rosé. "Okay," she said, looking between Ed and Rosé. And then, more certainly, "Okay. Thank you, Rosé. I appreciate it. That really means a lot."

Ed watched the exchange, his mind trying to untangle the web of emotions that connected him to these two women—one from the world he knew, and the other from a world he couldn't fully understand. He couldn't shake the feeling that Rosé's presence made things more complicated than they already were, and he wondered if she felt uncomfortable being around him.

"Are you sure about this, Rosé?" he asked cautiously, his golden eyes searching hers for any sign of hesitation or doubt. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

Rosé met his gaze evenly, her expression resolute. "I'm sure, Ed. I may not understand everything that's going on, but I know that I'm meant to be here, helping in any way I can."

"Thank you," Ed said quietly, his voice heavy with gratitude.

As they stood together in the warm embrace of the kitchen, the early morning light streaming through the windows and casting soft shadows across the floor, Ed found himself reflecting on the strange and unpredictable twists of fate that had brought them all to this moment. His thoughts wandered to Noah, the woman who shared Rosé's face but held a separate piece of his heart, and he wondered what stories she was telling beneath the stars in her own world. 

"Alright," Winry said, her voice stronger now as she squared her shoulders and looked between Ed and Rosé. "I guess I have to go pack, then."

"Train leaves at noon," Al called out from the kitchen, poking at a pancake.

"Ugh. You two always have such tight timelines," Winry said with a sigh, rolling her eyes as she turned and walked out of the kitchen.

Ed watched her go before turning to Rosé. He gave her a small smile and a nod of thanks. And with that, the four of them moved off in separate directions—Winry to pack for their journey, Al to finish getting breakfast on the table, and Ed to show Rosé everything he knew about taking care of the kids. Ed knew that the journey ahead of them wasn't about to be easy, but there was solace in knowing that he wouldn't have to go through any of it alone. 

"We need to go," Ed said urgently, grabbing his coat and the two limbs he'd taken off. "Now."

Al didn't need any further prompting, quickly following Ed as he ducked down and darted through the machines, darting from one shadow to the next. Ed had caught sight of the door and was just thinking that they would actually make it when a shadow crossed in front of their path.

"Alphonse," the burly man said, crossing his arms as he frowned down at the two Elrics. "My office. Now."

He then looked over at Ed, narrowing his eyes. "And Schmidt is going to deal with this... trespasser." 

The man referred to as Schmidt was an intimidating bulk of a man, towering over Ed with a scowl. Still, the man was nothing compared to Sig or Armstrong, so Ed squared his shoulders and did his best to keep his chin up.

"Alright, hand over the devices you stole," Schmidt growled. Ed was confused for a moment until he realized that Schmidt was looking at the old clockwork automail limbs that Ed had bundled in his arms.

"I didn't steal these!" Ed protested with a scowl. "These are mine!"

"Sure," Schmidt said with a roll of his eyes. "Hand them over."

Ed hesitated for a moment, shifting his weight between his feet. Part of him wanted to fight Schmidt just on the principle of the matter, his old instincts kicking into gear with little effort. But another part of him thought about how causing a scene could make things even worse for Al. He was already kicking himself for not being more careful and getting caught, there wasn't any need to worsen the situation. And the automail that Schmidt was demanding wasn't even the new automail that Ed had been repairing anyway. What would he do with two old, broken limbs and a looming trip to America, anyway?

"Fine, take them," Ed spat, reluctantly handing over the old automail. "But we didn't steal anything, we were just fixing my automail."

"Sorry, I don't take the word of criminals," Schmidt grunted before grabbing Ed's arm and hauling him toward the door. Ed found himself unceremoniously dumped just outside the fence, the gate clanging shut with finality as it was locked behind him. Ed huffed, his breath coming out in a white puff in the early morning air. He certainly hoped that Al wasn't being put through anything worse. He clenched his fists at his sides, his heart heavy with the weight of dismissal.

Ed had no way of telling how much time had passed, but it felt like an eternity before Al finally came out through the gate himself. A light rain had started, getting worse with every passing minute and leaving Ed's bangs clinging to his face. Al was at least only being escorted out of the building and not dragged, which gave Ed some hope.

"Well, I got fired," Al said with a light shrug before turning and heading in the direction of the hotel. Ed blinked and hurried to catch up with him.

"They actually fired you for that?"

"Of course they did," Al said with a sigh. "They're going to be making weapons for the government. They're convinced that you're some sort of enemy spy I let in to steal their secrets. My boss said I was lucky he was only firing me and not turning me in to the police."

Ed felt a lump form in his throat at the thought of such a thing happening, of him and Al stuck in some sort of jail cell as they were questioned about which foreign government they were supposedly working for. If he'd known that the consequences could possibly be so severe, he would have never agreed to Al's plan of breaking in just for the sake of fixing automail. Why had Al, of all people, suggested such a reckless, dangerous plan?

"How are you so calm about this?" Ed asked incredulously.

"I mean, it's not like we didn't know there would be consequences," Al replied with a small snort of a laugh. "Besides, it's not like I could keep the job and move to America. I would have had to quit if they didn't fire me."

Ed stared at him, amazed at how easily Al could brush off a situation that would have sent Ed into a rage. He nodded, still feeling a bit uneasy.

The two of them continued walking in silence, their footsteps echoing along the empty streets as they made their way back to the hotel. Ed could feel the weight of the situation pressing down on him, but he tried to push it aside and focus on their next moves.

As they walked away from the facility, Ed couldn't help but notice the apathy in Al's demeanor. It was worrying. The Al he knew would be more upset about losing his job, not just accepting it as another unfortunate event in their series of misfortunes. Not to mention that the Al he knew would have never been so nonchalant about having narrowly missed being held by the police as foreign spies.

"Al," Ed said cautiously, trying not to push too hard. "Are you really okay with this?"

"It's just a job," Al said with another shrug. "It's not like they can take away who I am. I only ever got this job in the first place to make sure we would stay safe. Now that we're going to America, that's kind of irrelevant."

There was some other emotion lurking behind Al's grey eyes that Ed couldn't entirely place, but he decided not to push the issue. If Al actually wanted to talk about it, then Ed had given him plenty of chances to do so.

As they continued down the dimly lit streets, their footsteps echoing through the cold night, both brothers found themselves grappling with the uncertainty of their future. The stars above seemed almost foreign, their constellations unfamiliar and distant. Al was silent as they walked, seeming absorbed in a long train of thought that he wasn't sharing with Ed.

"Maybe," Al whispered softly, gazing up at the sky, "the answers are out there somewhere, among those stars. Maybe one day, we'll find them."

As the brothers walked on, their silhouettes merging with the shadows around them, Ed held onto the hope that, despite the darkness that threatened to consume them, they would one day find the light they sought. Whether it was him who helped Al find that light one day or Sylvan, as it was supposed to be.

When they arrived back at the hotel, Ed couldn't help but feel a sense of relief wash over him. They had made it out of the facility without major consequences, and they were one step closer to their journey to America. But as they made their way up to their room, he couldn't help but notice the way Al's shoulders sagged with exhaustion.

"You should get some rest," Ed said softly, his concern for his brother outweighing any other thoughts. "You've been through a lot today, and you never got a chance to sleep."

Al nodded wearily, his eyes drooping with fatigue. "Yeah, I think you're right," he mumbled.

The two of them stepped inside their room, their shoes leaving wet tracks on the worn wooden floor. The rain outside had created a steady rhythm on the windowpanes, adding to the somber atmosphere that seemed to hang in the air like an unspoken secret.

"Ed! Al!" Winnie's voice rang out from across the room, her relief evident as she hurried toward them. Noah followed closely behind, her eyes wide with concern. "We were so worried about you two. You've been gone all night!"

"Sorry," Ed said, running his fingers through his damp hair, attempting to shake off the lingering droplets of water. "We didn't mean to worry you."

Noah crossed her arms and looked away, struggling to maintain her composure. "I thought something might have happened to you," she admitted quietly, her voice barely audible over the sound of the rain lashing against the windows.

Ed could see the way her shoulders were shaking, and immediately he was filled with concern. "Noah, are you okay?" he asked, placing a hand on her arm gently. She looked up at him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"Hey," he murmured, squeezing her arm gently. "We're okay. I promise."

Noah's breath hitched as the tears she'd been holding back started streaming down her face, her body shaking with tremors. Her chest heaved as she struggled to draw air into her lungs, the weight of her fears crushing her like a tidal wave.

"I-I thought..." she gasped, tears streaming down her cheeks, "Ed..."

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Ed said softly, wrapping his arms around her trembling form. He could feel her racing heartbeat against his chest, a desperate rhythm that seemed to match the storm outside. "You're safe, Noah. I'm right here."

As he held her close, Ed's thoughts raced, trying to find a way to calm her. He knew he couldn't erase the traumatic memories that haunted her, but perhaps he could offer her something else — a sense of stability, a reminder that she wasn't alone in her struggles.

Noah clung to Ed as if her life depended on it, her body wracked with tremors, heart beating uncontrollably. His arms felt like a haven of safety amidst the storm raging outside, and for a moment, she allowed herself to be vulnerable. She sobbed into his chest, soaking his shirt with her tears and releasing all of the pent up emotions she had been holding onto for so long.

Ed's heart ached for her, knowing all too well what it was like to be consumed by grief and fear. He tightened his hold on her, his own emotions coming to the surface. "I'm so sorry, Noah," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

Noah's sobs eventually subsided, but she kept her face buried against Ed, her fingers gripping his shirt as if it were the only lifeline holding her to this world.

"I-I'm sorry," she said, her voice a hoarse croak. "I just...I don't know what I would do if something happened to you."

Ed tightened his arms around Noah, as if he could somehow protect her from the pain he could see in every atom of her body. As his grip tightened, the world swam before his eyes and he was swept into her memory.

A galaxy of stars shimmered above them, the vastness of the night sky unfathomable and breathtaking. He felt the cold grass beneath him, heard the distant chirps of crickets in harmony with the quiet rustle of leaves. Sylvan was laying on the grass beside him, their shoulders touching, the shared warmth a comforting presence amidst the cool night air.

"It's kind of funny," Sylvan whispered after a long minute. "For most of our lives, we were worlds apart from each other, looking at the same stars but hearing different stories, never knowing there was... more."

Ed turned to look at his double, flicking his eyes over his face as Sylvan stared up at the sky, lost in his own thoughts.

"More?" Ed repeated softly, Noah's voice coming out.

Sylvan nodded. "More than just our own worlds. More than just the stories we've been told. More to the world than we ever thought possible. There's so much out there that we haven't even begun to imagine yet. All these years, we've been looking at the same stars, hearing different stories, never knowing that the other existed a world away."

Ed felt a surge of emotion, a fierce protectiveness for this strange boy who had seemly dropped from the sky of another world just to be a guardian angel. This strange boy who had held a strange Roma girl's hand when no one else had, who had run through the fires of hell with her without a second thought, who had come back when everyone else had turned around and left.

'I love you,' Ed nearly said, the words hitting the back of his tongue as the realization hit him with all the grace of a ballet dancer made of bricks. 'I think I've loved you since I first met you at the fair, or maybe before I knew you existed, when I looked at the stars and prayed that somewhere out there, there was someone who would accept all of me, praying that if there was a god, he would protect my soulmate until I finally had a chance to meet them.'

But Ed didn't say any of the words tugging at his heart as he looked at Sylvan, instead giving a small smile as he turned to look back at the sky.

"Isn't it strange how fate works?" Ed said in a soft tone. "How the same stars can hold such vastly different stories, yet still connect us all?"

As the memory faded, Ed blinked back to reality, the weight of what he had witnessed settling heavily upon him. That night under the stars—that was when Noah had fallen for Sylvan. A love born of shared experiences, quiet moments, and a connection that spanned worlds.

Determination surged through Ed, igniting a fire within his chest. He would do everything in his power to bring Sylvan and Noah together, to set things right. They deserved the chance to explore the depths of their love, and he would not stand in their way.

"Are you alright?" Noah asked softly, concern etched on her face as she searched his eyes.

Ed managed a small, reassuring smile. "Yeah," he said in a soft voice.

Somehow, it was easier to do something for someone else than for himself. It was easier to spend years on the road because he'd promised to get Al's body back, not because he planned to get his own limbs back. It was easier to live because Winry wanted him to, not because he wanted it. And it was easier to not give up on switching back for Noah's sake than for his own.

He held Noah close, feeling the steady rhythm of her heartbeat against his chest. The road ahead was uncertain, and the weight of their intertwined fates was heavy upon him. But the promise of reuniting those who were meant to be together—that was worth any sacrifice.

"Whatever it takes," Ed whispered to himself, his golden eyes glinting with determination. "We'll find a way to switch back. For Sylvan, for you… and for all of us."

Chapter Text

The sun was high above their heads as the three of them made their way down the dirt path toward the train station. Ed frowned as he glanced back over his shoulder, his ponytail whipping through the wind as he glanced back at the little house on top of the hill. 

"I didn't tell Rosé about how Zaza needs her pancakes cut into triangles," he muttered under his breath. "Do you think I should go back and tell her?"

"I'm sure they'll manage," Winry said with a chuckle, reaching out to grab Ed's arm as they walked. Her blue eyes sparkled with a devious glint as she considered him. "You've really taken to this fatherhood thing, haven't you? Did you have any kids back in your world?"

"No," Ed said in a low tone, staring at the road in front of him instead of turning to meet Winry's gaze. "I told you, I never married my Winry, remember?"

"Marriage doesn't say anything about your child status," Winry countered with a smirk and easy shrug. "And besides, you could have had kids with Noah. You obviously love her enough." 

Ed swallowed a lump in his throat, still not meeting her gaze, even as a blush crept up his neck. "No," he said again, more firmly this time. "I never had any children."

As they stepped onto the platform of the train station, Ed could already feel the barest rumble of the train in the distance, like a tingle in the very tips of his toes. It was just the sort of feeling you learned to recognize afer years of constantly getting on and off trains. Apparently, they'd made it just in time, the train only barely out of sight over the horizon. The wind picked up, sending a shiver down Ed's spine as he stared blankly at the train tracks. He took in a slow breath before finally turning to look at Winry.

"I never planned on having kids," he whispered, his voice barely audible over the wind. "I was so... so scared of becoming Hohenheim that I thought it was better to just never have any kids."

"Wait," Al said, frowning as he leaned into the conversation. Ed had been so focused on Winry that he'd almost forgotten Al was silently in the background, and he jumped back slightly at the interjection. Al either didn't notice or pretended he didn't notice, continuing, "You're still scared of becoming dad? But wasn't he a good guy?" 

"God, Al," Ed said with a roll of his eyes. "You always give him so much credit." 

"Ed," Winry said, reaching out to grab his arm. "Al's not just saying that, he—I mean, the other Ed, he thought your dad was a good guy. He still had a lot of trauma from his childhood he was working through, but he knows that your dad left to try and save the country, and all the stuff that happened to create Father wasn't really his fault..." 

Ed just stayed silent, staring first at Winry, and then at Al. 

"My Hohenheim was different," he finally said in a low tone. "He didn't leave to save anyone other than himself. He caused whole genocides of people for his own gain. He wasn't a good man. But he grew. He changed. He was an alchemist who actually believed in doing the shadow work it takes to purify the soul. He tried to be a better father. He gets credit for that. He wasn't an evil man."

Ed took in a breath, looking to see the approaching shadow of a train on the distant end of the tracks before he continued in a low tone, "He was just a man. A man whose incredible intelligence made him capable of incredible harm. Of course I'm scared of becoming him. He was just a human who made a lot of mistakes. Mistakes that anyone could make. Look what having him for a dad did to Envy." 

Al's eyes went wide at that, staring at Ed. "Wait, Envy? He was your brother?" 

"Oh," Ed said, frowning with an amused snort. "Was he not your brother in this world?"

"No, of course not, he—" Al shook his head, then paused, frowning and blinking as he did some mental calculations. "Well. I guess you could argue that he was our cousin. Or... nephew? Was Father more of dad's twin, or son?" 

"What?" Ed said, cracking up into hysterical giggles. But before he had a chance to ask more questions, the train started pulling into the station with a sharp whistle. He looked over to Al, who was already grabbing their bags and heading to the edge of the platform with the practice of someone who'd done it a thousand times. Ed grabbed the last suitcase before Winry had a chance to even try, moving to stand next to Al, slipping into the old routine like comfortable old pajamas. 

"You've got a body this time," Ed said with a grin and nudge at Al's elbow. "You pick the seats, I'll follow."

"Tickets are in the front pocket of this suitcase," Al said, holding up the suitcase in his left hand. "Could you..."

"On it," Ed said, sandwiching his own suitcase between his feet so he had both hands free to pull out the tickets. Just as he was picking his own suitcase back up, the train was grinding to a halt with a loud screech from the brakes, the steam billowing around the station. 

Al led the way onto the train, motioning to a set of seats as he hoisted the suitcases onto the rack above. Ed slipped in his suitcase beside Al's and then slipped into his usual seat by the window, knowing Al would sit in the seat across from him. They'd done this countless times before, their well-practiced routine like second nature. Al was sitting just as the train pulled away, Ed holding up the tickets as the conductor approached their seats. 

"Geez. You two are, like, professionals at this," Winry huffed as she settled into the seat next to Ed. Al glanced over at Ed with a grin. 

"It does kinda feel like old times, doesn't it?" he joked, settling into the worn wooden slats of the seat. "All those years on the road, and we still haven't forgotten how to travel."

"I think it's the sort of thing that never really leaves you," Ed mused, leaning back in his own seat. The rhythm of the train seemed to echo the beat of his own heart, a steady reminder of the life that still pulsed within him, no matter how uncertain or unfamiliar it might feel at times.

The sun beat through the window of the train, warming their sides as Ed leaned back in his seat, watching Winry's reflection in the window. "It's nice having you along for a change," he said softly, his voice barely audible above the steady rhythm of the wheels on the tracks.

Winry looked over at him, her blue eyes curious. "Didn't your Winry ever join you guys on your travels?"

"No, she usually stayed at home, in Resembool," Ed said with a shake of his head. He paused, slightly tilting his head to one side as he considered the thought. "Well. Except for this one crazy time involving a tractor," he added with a shiver. 

Winry chuckled lightly at the comment, but there was something in her eyes that told Ed that she was thinking about more than just the tractor incident. He could see the sadness she was trying to hide away from him at the thought of him pushing her away, of not being as involved in his life. He leaned over and put his hand over hers where it rested on the bench.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. How many times had he underestimated her, simply because she hadn't been by their side?

Winry squeezed his hand in response, her fingers interlocking with his. "I know," she said softly. Her expression shifted slightly, and she smirked. "And what's so crazy about a tractor, anyway?"

"It's not the tractor that was the problem!" Ed said, animatedly waving his hands as he talked. "It was the fact that she decided to drive it on the train tracks, being the madwoman that she was!"

Winry laughed lightly, shaking her head. Ed felt a flutter in his chest at the sound of her laughter, so soft and carefree. It was something he hadn't heard in a long time, and it made him feel... hopeful. Maybe things weren't so bad after all, as long as he had Winry and Al by his side.

The train chugged along the tracks as they all settled in for the long journey ahead. Winry started recounting some of her own adventures to Ed, explaining the time she'd given him her earrings for safekeeping, the time everyone had needed to carry pieces of Al through the snow, the time she'd carefully had her fingers peeled away from a gun... Ed listened with rapt attention, realizing that she was far more capable than he had ever given her credit for. And it wasn't just the physical feats she'd accomplished, it was the emotional resilience she'd shown, the way she'd faced her fears and triumphed over them. In many ways, he thought Winry was stronger than he could ever be.

As the light faded from the sky, Winry's words began to slow, her eyelids growing heavy with fatigue. Eventually, she slumped against Ed's shoulder, her breathing slow and steady as she slipped into sleep. Ed smiled gently, brushing a strand of hair away from her face as he turned his attention to Al.

Al was already immersed in a book, his eyes scanning the pages quickly as the train rumbled beneath them. Ed watched him in silence for a moment, thinking about how much they had both changed since the last time they had done this. Al was no longer the boy he had promised to always protect. Somehow, he'd turned into a grown man when Ed hadn't been looking. Though he supposed that them having less of an age gap in this world made the changes easier to see.

"Hey, Al," Ed said quietly, breaking the silence that had fallen between them. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should even say what he was considering saying. But then the Ed instinct kicked in, and he plunged ahead anyway, whether it was a good idea or not. "You still don't believe me about the body switch, do you?"

Al looked up, his expression thoughtful. "I believe that you believe it," he said slowly. "But it's just... hard to wrap my head around. You know how I am with science. I need proof."

"I know," Ed said with a sigh, looking down at his hands. His mind flashed back to telling Alfons stories of his life before he'd shown up in Germany, how Alfons would always say Ed was a great storyteller as a way of gently (but constantly) reminding Ed that he didn't believe in this other world. "It's just... I don't have any idea how I could ever prove that I come from a different world. I couldn't even prove it when I physically came from another world, not just switched bodies with another me."

Al closed his book with a frown, setting it aside on the seat next to him. "If you don't have any proof, how can you be so sure it's not all just in your head?"

Ed sighed in frustration, rubbing a hand over his face. "I don't know, Al," he admitted. "But I know what I experienced. I know that I woke up in this body that wasn't mine, in a world that wasn't mine. And I know that Kai woke up in my body in his own world."

"But how do you know?" Al leaned forward, his tone serious. There was something sparking in his eyes that Ed didn't entirely recognize, like he was desperate for Ed to tell him a trick for how to believe in things that seemed unbelievable.

"Al," Ed said softly, leaning forward slowly so he could put his hand on Al's knee without disturbing Winry's sleep. "It's like how when you saw me for the first time. You immediately knew I wasn't him. It's not about knowing something, sometimes. It's about feeling it with every fiber of your being. It's about letting something be true whether it's reality or not, because sometimes you just need something to be true. Sometimes the stories are all we have to survive."

Al stared at Ed for a long moment, his eyes flickering with a mix of understanding and doubt. "I get it," he said finally, his voice softening. "It's like how I always believed we would find a way to get our bodies back, even when everyone else had given up hope. Even when the odds seemed impossible."

Ed nodded slowly, a sense of relief and gratitude flooding through him. "Exactly," he said, capturing Al's gaze with his own. "Sometimes it's the things that seem impossible that we have to believe in the most."

Al sat back in his seat, his expression contemplative. "I guess... Maybe I've been too focused on the science of it all, and not enough on the emotional aspect," he said softly.

"It's understandable," Ed said with a shrug. "We've always been focused on the facts and the logic. But sometimes, you just have to let yourself believe in something, even if it doesn't make sense."

There was a long quiet moment where Ed could see that Al was lost in his own thoughts. After a minute, he finally sighed and slowly nodded, looking at Ed again. "I'll try," he said with a sigh. "I'll try to believe you, Ed."

Ed smiled softly, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders. Somehow, the world always felt a little more conquerable when he had Al on his side. "Thanks, Al," he said quietly. "Could you... Could you tell me some more about this world? Like... Falling apart in the snow? What was up with that?"

"Oh, that," Al said with a nervous laugh. "Nothing special, just, you know, my blood rune slowly failing and all of us thinking I was doomed. Scared the hell out of Mei."

Ed let out a bark of a laugh at Al dropping a swear so casually, something he'd never been fully able to convince his Al to do. "Who's Mei?"

"Oh, right, I forgot," said Al, leaning forward with a grin. "Mei is this girl from Xing. A princess, actually. I've been studying alkahestry with her for a while now. She's one of the best."

Ed raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Alkahestry, huh? That's the Xingese version of alchemy, right?"

"Right," Al said, nodding eagerly. "It's pretty different from what we're used to, but still pretty cool. We thought maybe there would be a chance that Brother could still do alkahestry, even if he couldn't do alchemy anymore, so I was working with Mei."

Ed smiled softly, his heart warm. His Al didn't really talk much about how he felt about being stuck in a world without alchemy, but Ed knew it frustrated him. Seeing an Al who got to keep pursuing that passion even after he'd gotten his body back was heartwarming, to say the least.

"That's amazing," Ed said quietly. "You really love it don't you?"

Al blushed and rubbed the back of his neck, looking away from Ed and mumbling something under his breath. But when he looked back at Ed after a few moments, there was an earnestness in his expression that Ed hadn't seen before, like the words he was about to say were more important than anything else in the world.

"It's not just alkahestry, it's Mei," he said softly, his gaze unfocused as he stared somewhere over Ed's shoulder and into the past. "She's brilliant and talented; she's an incredible alkahestist. But she's also kind and gentle-hearted, while also having this... fire in her. She's so passionate and always jumping in to help someone." His face shifted subtly as he spoke about her, his eyes shining, and Ed's heart did a flip at the realization. Al was absolutely in love with this Mei girl. It wasn't just admiration or affection, it was that same spark behind his eyes Ed felt himself when he thought of Noah. Al was head over heels for this girl. Winry had said something about Al being engaged.

"Mei sounds like an incredible person," Ed mused, letting his gaze drift over the passing scenery outside the window. "Is she... Is she the girl you're going to marry?"

Al's eyes widened, and he froze in place, suddenly fearful that the mere mention of his engagement might trigger another heart attack in his already fragile brother. But Ed merely raised an eyebrow, his expression gentle and expectant, encouraging him to continue.

"Y-yes," Al admitted, his voice barely a whisper. "I proposed to her, and she said yes."

Ed glanced away from the window and focused on Al, a deep furrow forming between his eyebrows as he studied his brother. There was a tension that seemed to coil around Al, making the air feel heavy and suffocating. Ed couldn't help but be worried, considering Al's tendency to take things more seriously than himself, but something about this felt even deeper, darker than usual.

"Al," he began slowly, his concern evident in his tone, "You're talking about marrying the girl you love and you seem... stressed about it. Is everything alright?"

"Everyone gets stressed by an upcoming marriage, that's normal!" Al said with a nervous titter of a laugh.

"Okay, more than stressed," Ed said, his frown deepening. "Al, I know you. Even when you're different, you're still... You're still Al, no matter how many worlds and lives separate us. I know something is wrong."

Al hesitated, his eyes darting away as if searching for an escape from the question. "It's just... I don't want you to worry, Ed. You need to focus on your health right now."

Ed leaned back in his seat and frowned, his gaze searching Al's face for any sign of what was really bothering him. "You're not answering my question, Al. Don't try to shield me from things that are important to you. Just tell me what's going on. Are you having doubts about marrying her?"

Al took a deep breath, his eyes closing briefly before he opened them and met Ed's gaze. "It's not that I have doubts, Ed," he said softly. "It's just that... it's complicated."

"Complicated how?" Ed pressed, his tone insistent but still gentle. He could sense that there was something more to this than Al was letting on, and he wouldn't stop until he got to the bottom of it.

Al took another deep breath, his hands fidgeting in his lap. "It's just that... Mei is a princess. And she's under a lot of pressure from her family to marry someone who can bring political and economic benefits to their country. Someone powerful. And I'm just... I'm just... some guy."

"Some guy?" Ed repeated with a laugh. "You're Alphonse fucking Elric! You saved the country! What're you talking about, 'some guy'?" 

"I mean," Al shifted in his seat. "Sure, I'm famous and well known here, and I'm a pretty good alchemist, but... I mean. That doesn't really mean much when marrying a princess. They expected her to at least marry someone from their own country, preferably someone who would help her move up the ranks and give their family power. What can I do? I'm just the random ambassador she met on her travels."

"Al, if Mei loves you, then that's all that matters," Ed said firmly. "She's agreed to marry you, which means she made the choice for herself. You don't have to prove your worth to her family or anyone else. You just have to love her."

"Yeah, I know," Al said, his tone uncertain as he looked out the window, resting his cheek in his hand. "But it's not just about love, Ed. It's about responsibility. She has a duty to her country, to her people. What if she marries me, and I can't be the person she needs me to be? It could cause problems for her in the long run. Maybe even for her entire clan."

Something about Al's words hit Ed deeper than he cared to admit. What if she marries me, and I can't be the person she needs me to be? Ed had spent his entire life feeling like he couldn't measure up to his own expectations of himself, so he'd buried the feeling by instead trying to run around and prove himself to everyone else instead. Like he thought that maybe if everyone else saw value in him, he'd finally see it too. 

But that had been starting to change after meeting Noah. He saw how she thought of herself, how she did the same sorts of habits as him, always trying to live up to a million expectations. And he saw how she struggled to believe him when he told her that she didn't have to do anything for him to care about her, that he cared for her just because he loved the very core of who she was. Something about seeing it reflected in someone else made it clearer for him to see what he was doing to himself. 

And so he tried his best to listen when she said the same about him. Even if it felt like one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. 

"Have you talked to Mei about this? About how you're feeling?" Ed asked softly.

Al shook his head, not meeting Ed's gaze as he spoke. "No," he said quietly. "I haven't... She's so happy. I don't want to ruin that. And besides, what if I bring it up, and she's like, 'Oh, that's a good point, we probably shouldn't get married'?" 

Ed snorted. "That doesn't sound like the kind and gentled-hearted person you were describing earlier."

A blush crept up Al's cheeks, and he sunk slightly into his seat. "Well, she still has a duty to her people..." 

It was a weak excuse, and Ed knew that Al knew it, so he decided not to comment on it. "If she really loves you, then she probably already knows something is bugging you. Just like I knew. The people who love you can tell these sorts of things. It's okay to tell her what's going on in your head. It's the only way she'll really understand what's going through your mind."

Al was quiet for a long minute, biting at his lip. Finally, he muttered, "You know that's rich coming from you, right?" 

"Who better to tell you?" Ed said with a laugh. "I've learned all about exactly why that's a terrible idea. Lesson learned, don't be an Ed!"

There was another long moment of silence at that, and Ed could tell that there was something Al kept wanting to say, but holding back. But before he could comment on it, his brother's face had crumpled with emotions. With a gasp, tears started spilling from Al's golden eyes, cascading down his cheeks like torrential rain. 

"But I need an Ed around," he choked out between sobs."If you're not around to do it, then... then what? I don't know how to face something without you by my side. I'm just... I'm... I'm so scared, Brother!"

Ed jolted at hearing Al actually call him Brother for the first time since he'd switched bodies. But even as he opened his mouth to say something, Al kept talking, his words coming out in a rush like a dam had been broken. 

"I thought this was supposed to be the happiest point of my life, but I never thought I would fall for a princess and have to be a prince," he choked out between sobs. "Everywhere I go, everything I do, there's always someone watching me and telling me how I'm doing everything wrong."

"And even then," Al continued, "I would have been able to handle it with you at my side like I'd assumed you always would be. But then you went and had a heart attack because you didn't even want to come to Xing, and now I'm having to do everything by myself, and I feel so... lost. And alone. I'm so stressed, I don't even know how to wake up each morning!"

Alphonse had always been the stronger one, and yet here he was, struggling to keep it together. Ed wished more than anything that he could take away his brother's pain, but all he could do was sit there helplessly as Alphonse's emotions overwhelmed him. He knew how much Al relied on him for emotional support, and he couldn't ignore the fact that he had failed him this time. Ed wondered if there had once been a time years ago when another Al had gone through a similar breakdown, probably sitting on a train just like this one, but wearing a red coat and a ponytail. 

At least this time, he could actually be there for him. 

"You're not alone," Ed whispered, squeezing Al's knee. "I'm here." 

"No, you're not," Al snapped, his voice cracking with emotion. Ed made a frantic nod in Winry's direction, and Al took in a breath, bringing his voice down. "You're here and you're not all at once."

We're real Edward, we're not just part of your dreams like you thought.

The words sliced through Ed's heart, making Al's eyes flash blue for a second before Ed was shaking himself out of it. How many times was he going to hop worlds and make the same mistake again, ignoring the people in front of him in favor of focusing completely on the world he'd left behind? This was Al, and for fuck's sake, he certainly wasn't going to see another tragedy on his hands just because he wasn't a safe person for Al to talk to. 

Ed took a deep breath, trying to push away the overwhelming guilt and shame. He knew it wasn't just about Al. He'd been living his life with a constant ache in his chest, always feeling like there was something missing. Even before he switched bodies with Kai, he'd been running away from his problems, trying to avoid facing his own fears and emotions.

But there was no running away from this. Al needed him, and Ed was determined to be there for him. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion. "I know I've been distant, and I know I haven't been there for you like I should have been. But I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere."

Al sniffled, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. "Yes, you are. The whole point of going to Xenotime is to try and find a way for you to switch back."

"Well, then you'll have Kai," Ed said with a frown. "I mean. Your Ed."

"No, I won't," Al whispered. "He's the one who had a heart attack just because he couldn't bear the thought of moving to Xing to be near me."

Ouch. Ed frowned. Well, he was certainly going to have to have a word with Kai when they met up about how to be a better big brother. But for now, he needed to focus on the Al in front of him. "Look, I know it's not the same, but I'm still here. And I'll always be there for you, no matter what. Even if I'm off in another world. You're my brother, Al. Nothing is going to change that."

Al sniffled again, looking up at Ed with teary eyes and a frown. "Isn't the other Al your brother?"

"Well... Yeah, but..." Ed shrugged, unsure how to put what he was feeling into words. His thoughts flicked back to what Winry had said when he'd first switched.

Well, I love all of you, then. I love the greater Ed. I would love every single one of your lives.

"You're always my brother," Ed said, squeezing Al's knee again. "Lifetime after lifetime, world after world. I'll always find you, and I'll always love you. Even in the worlds where you're a villain. Even in the worlds where you hate me." 

Al's eyes widened at the words, his tears still flowing. "Really?" he whispered.

"Of course," Ed said, his voice gentle. "No matter what happens, we'll always be connected."

"Promise?"

"Promise," Ed said, smiling softly.

Finally, Al let out a deep breath, his eyes slightly puffy but no longer streaming with tears. "Thanks, Brother," he said quietly. "I really needed to hear that."

Ed nodded, squeezing Al's knee once more. "That's what brothers are for, right?"

"Right," Al said with a watery chuckle. 

The two of them fell into silence after that, looking out the window at the landscape rushing past. Normally, Ed would have enjoyed the quiet and contemplation, but his mind was racing with thoughts about what exactly they would find in Xenotime. How had red water even managed to get to this world in the first place? Would it actually give him any useful information, or would they have just wasted a couple days coming out here in the first place? He frowned and shook his head, as if that could somehow shake the anxieties out. Al gave him a questioning look at the movement, and Ed sighed. 

"Just... nervous," he said with a weak smile. He needed a distraction. "So, uh, alkahestry, huh? What's this Mei girl been teaching you?" 

He could tell from the way Al's eyes lit up that he'd absolutely picked the right topic for a compelling distraction. 

With Winry's soft breaths warming his neck, Ed found himself lulled into a sense of tranquility. As the train continued its steady course through the late afternoon, Ed let the sound of Al's voice wash over him, threading together the fragments of a world so familiar and so different all at once. 

When they finally arrived in Xenotime, the sun was already starting to set, dragging long shadows from the buildings and dragging them out reluctantly over the desert landscape. Winry let out a groan as she stretched her arms high above her head.

"I vote we check into our room, get some dinner, and call it a night," she said with a yawn. "I think we could all use some rest after that train ride."

"You slept the whole way!" Al said with a laugh. "You're like a kitty, you need a nap to recover from your nap!"

Ed could see the way Winry blushed and ducked her head, and something in him twisted in a way he wasn't used to. "Hey, give her a break," he said to Al, though he tried to keep his voice level so he wouldn't upset Al all over again. "It's a lot of work making a whole new human. You'd be tired too."

"Ed," Winry hissed, smacking his arm, and Ed suddenly realized from the way Al froze and looked at them with wide eyes that he probably hadn't been let in on the whole pregnancy thing yet.

"Uh, whoops?" Ed muttered, rubbing at the back of his head.

Al let out a small laugh, his eyes still wide as he tried to process the news. "Congratulations?" he offered tentatively.

Winry let out a sigh, a small smile playing on her lips. "Thank you, Al."

"That's, uh..." Al glanced between the two of them, his lips tight. "That's quite the timing?"

"Tell me about it," Winry said with a sharp laugh, and Ed winced. Admittedly, as anxious as he was for him and Kai to switch back, he still kept putting Winry's pregnancy out of his mind. Maybe because Winry wasn't even showing yet and it was easy to believe everything was as it had always been. Or maybe because he didn't want to think about the extra complications it added if he couldn't find a way to get Kai home.

Ed shook his head. It didn't matter. They would find a way to switch back.

"Look, Winry," he said as they started walking away from the station. "Maybe you should rest in the room, and Al and I will go see what's up with Russell's research. It's just going to be a bunch of alchemy nonsense you won't understand, anyway."

Winry shot him a sharp glare, her hands on her hips. "Excuse me? Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't contribute."

Ed held up his hands, trying to defuse the situation before it escalated any further. "I'm not saying that. I just mean, you're tired, and you need to rest. And the sooner we figure out what Russell knows, the sooner we can get back home. Al and I can handle this. We'll bring you back some dinner and we can go over everything together later."

"Are you sure about this?" Winry asked, her voice wavering slightly as she wrapped her arms around herself. "It's getting late, and we're all tired."

Ed hesitated for a moment, considering her words. But the urgency gnawing at him wouldn't let go, and he knew they couldn't afford to waste any more time. His golden eyes flicked between Winry and Al. "The sooner we find answers, the better," he said softly.

Winry huffed, but eventually relented. "Fine. But don't think you can keep me out of the loop, Edward Elric. I'm still a part of this team."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Ed said with a grin.

Entering the inn brought on a whole new wave of déjà vu for Ed, surrounded by a room of faces he recognized but had technically never met before. He wondered if Belsio was still growing his lemon orchard in this world, if maybe Elisa had been able to avoid getting sick this time around. But it wasn't as if he could just go up to them and ask how things were going, considering that they'd never technically met. It was strange in a way that Germany hadn't been. At least there, things were different everywhere he looked. The food was different, the language was different, the architecture was different. Here, it felt even more like he was stuck in a dream, with things ever so slightly off in ways he couldn't explain. 

"We're looking for a room," Al said, walking up to the desk where someone was sitting with a lodger book while Ed was frozen under the familiar strangeness. "Under the name—" 

"Heiderich!" Ed cut in, jumping to Al's side. He could still remember how they'd been scorned by the entire town just for using their real names last time, and he wasn't about to repeat that particular experience. He took in a breath and adjusted so he was standing straighter. "Under the name Sylvan Heiderich."

Once settled in their room, Ed wasted no time in picking up the phone to call Russell. To his surprise, it was Fletcher who answered, his voice bright and eager.

"Hello, Mr. Elric! My brother told me you were coming to see his research. I'd be more than happy to pick you up and bring you to the lab." 

"It's fine, I know the way," Ed said with a laugh. Above ground and underground, for that matter. 

"No, no, I insist! We managed to get a car and everything, it's no trouble! I'm sure you're tired after your journey. I'll be there in a few minutes!" 

"Fine, fine. We'll be waiting in the common room," Ed said with a roll of his eyes, but he was grinning from ear to ear as he said it. There was just something comforting and familiar about Fletcher, and it was nice to see that even in an entirely different world so many years after they met, he still seemed to be made of sunshine. Maybe that was why plants liked him so much. 

He hung up the phone and turned to Al and Winry, who were both watching him expectantly. "He insisted on picking us up," he said with a shake of his head. "So, uh, Win, is there anything you need before we head out?"

"I guess I'll just take a nap," she said with a tired smile. "Don't forget to bring dinner back. Maybe... steak? Or chicken. Oh, and cottage cheese if you can find it." 

"Definitely pregnant," Al said with a snort. 

Winry wrinkled her nose and stuck her tongue out at Al before wrapping Ed in a hug, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Be safe," she whispered. 

Whether it was out of friendliness, instinct, or something else, Ed couldn't really say, but he turned and kissed her cheek in return. He swallowed a lump in his throat immediately after doing it, wondering if he had messed up somehow. Was kissing Winry on the cheek somehow unfair to Noah back in his own world? It was just the cheek though, there was nothing wrong with that, right? The two of them were sharing a bed every night, after all. 

"Don't worry, I'll be back," he said, trying to brush off his own insecurities so he could flash her a reassuring smile instead. 

And with that, Ed and Al left the room to go downstairs and wait for Fletcher in the common room. It was a cozy little room, with a fire roaring in the fireplace and several tables with squishy armchairs around them. There was a chess board spread out at one of the tables, and Ed was immediately drawn to it, grinning as he set the pieces up. 

"We don't have time," Al said with an amused roll of his eyes. 

"Sure we do," Ed said with a laugh. "You'll probably know how you're going to beat me within the first couple of moves, anyway." 

"What, like it's hard?" Al said with a laugh, settling into the chair across from Ed. "You're terrible at thinking ahead." 

"I'm just better at making decisions in the heat of battle," Ed said with a sniff. "We all have our strengths." 

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Brother." 

They were only a few moves into the game when Fletcher arrived, but it was clear that Al was going to win, already having a large pile of Ed's discarded pieces on his side of the table. Ed was concentrating so much at first that he didn't even notice when Fletcher first entered, but then he caught the flash of bright blond hair out of the corner of his eye and stood with a grin, waving. 

Fletcher was no longer the small boy with cockeyed overalls and his strange topless ear flap hat. Instead, he'd grown into a tall, muscular young man with suspenders, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows. His bright blue eyes and light golden hair actually made Ed's heart pang a little, the sight reminding him too strongly of Alfons. Fletcher could have probably passed more for Alfons' brother than Ed had back in the day. 

"Fletcher!" Ed said, jerking himself out of his thoughts to wave. Fletcher's confusion morphed into a grin and he headed over to them. 

"Sorry guys, I realized just as I was getting here that I have no idea what you two look like," he said with an embarrassed chuckle. "I must look pretty lost for you to know it was me. It's nice to meet you both. I'm Fletcher Tringham."

"I'm Alphonse Elric" Al said, always the polite one and reaching out to shake Fletcher's first. "And of course, you've already talked with my brother, Edward, over the phone." 

"Ed," he corrected with a snort, reaching out and also shaking Fletcher's hand.

"Sorry about the whole... identity theft thing," Fletcher said sheepishly, addressing Ed. "Brother can be a bit... impulsive sometimes. I told him not to, but—"

"Identity theft?" Al repeated, his eyebrows shooting up.

"Don't worry, I know how he is," Ed said with a laugh, waving his hand. "I wouldn't expect Russell Tringham to be any less... Russell Tringham. Well. Aside from when he's trying to pretend to be me, I suppose. Even though that's very Russell Tringham-y of him, I suppose..." Ed trailed off, realizing he'd gotten stuck in a ramble to no one in particular. He shook his head and said, "Anyway, should we head out?" 

Fletcher nodded eagerly, his blue eyes sparkling with excitement as he turned and gestured toward the door. "Yes, let's! I can't wait to show you what we've been working on."

Ed couldn't help but feel a sense of trepidation as they climbed into the vehicle. This was it. He was finally going to investigate the red water and find out if it held the key to his body-switching problem.

"Russell's waiting for us at the trees," Fletcher explained as he drove. "He wanted to show you those first before we went back to the lab." 

Ed could feel the dry desert heat through the windows of the car. The landscape was barren and empty for miles around them, with only the occasional shrub or cactus dotting the horizon. Fletcher and Al quickly got sucked into some sort of alchemical conversation, but Ed found his mind wandering, thinking about what answers the red water here could possibly hold.

And then, the horizon was suddenly interrupted by tall pine trees jutting up in the distance. They were a lot like the pine trees Ed remembered, but even from this distance, he could tell that they were completely red. He sucked in a breath as he took in the sight of the unnatural, giant red trees.

"They're just out in the open like that?" he hissed, leaning forward and grabbing at the back of Fletcher's seat. "But that's got to be poisoning the entire town!"

"Poison?" Fletcher repeated with a frown, briefly glancing over to Ed. "What makes you think that?"

"Because red water is too synthetic of a substance," Ed said with a groan. "It's completely man-made, so the structure is all off. It'll rip up your esophagus as you breathe it in, it'll poison your liver because your body doesn't know how to process it, it'll make your skin bubble and burn if you touch it..."

"I don't know what compound you've been working with," Fletcher said, his eyebrows shooting up, "But trust me, this is perfectly safe. We've run a million tests on it, and none of that happens. Besides, this isn't man-made. The trees make it. It's completely organic."

"Organic?" Ed repeated, blinking as he sat back in his seat.

"Yeah, you'll see for yourself in just a minute," Fletcher said, pointing up the road. "See, Brother's waiting for us."

The trees felt almost ominous up close, looming over them like ancient sentinels. The trees' bark and needles were an eerie, vibrant red, which only seemed more vibrant up close. A viscous liquid oozed from the trunks, pooling at the base of each tree like strange, toxic sap. Russell was standing among the trees, writing something down in a notebook.

If Ed thought Fletcher had grown up into an attractive young man, then it was nothing compared to Russell. He was the sort of guy that could be a model in a magazine. His blond hair was still slicked back in the usual wave, giving him him that mysterious vibe that had always annoyed Ed so much. The little bit of teenage ganglyness he'd once had was completely gone now, replaced by a confident, regal bearing, and everything about him exuded effortless sophistication. When he turned and saw them, his bright blue eyes lit up with excitement and he grinned at them.

"Wow, you weren't lying on the phone, you really are Edward Elric!" he said, rushing over to shake Ed's hand.

"Shocking, that someone can say they're Edward Elric and not be lying," Ed said with a wry grin.

"Right, yeah, sorry about that," Russell said with a sheepish grin. "But, y'know. They weren't about to give me the tools I needed to run these tests, and there weren't exactly any other State Alchemists near my age."

"Right," Ed said with a laugh. It was too familiar it was almost eerie. The strangest part was that this time around, no one in town cared that he was there, and he and Russell were meeting with handshakes instead of fists. Amazing what a lack of teenage testosterone could change. He turned and looked towards the trees again, frowning at the red puddles formed at the base of each tree. "So this is really safe? We're not going to pass out from breathing this in?"

"Good one!" Russell laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling with amusement. When he looked at Ed and realized it wasn't a joke, however, he cleared his throat and straightened. "We've been studying these trees for months now, and there hasn't been a single adverse reaction to the red water. I've been here for hours just today, in fact. Believe me, it's safe."

Ed frowned, his brow furrowing as he struggled to reconcile this new information with his own experiences. How could they even be the same material if they had such different reactions? He stepped forward, peering closely at the red liquid from the tree. Part of him was almost tempted to reach out and touch it, but the logical part of his brain screamed a million reasons at him why exactly that was a very bad idea.

"Can I get a sample of this?" he said, looking over to Russell.

Russell's enthusiasm visibly dampened, and Ed could see the protective wall start to build around Russell and his research. But then Russell looked to Fletcher, who, to Ed's surprise, gave a small nod.

"Of course," Fletcher replied with a nod, "We have a lab set up nearby and plenty of equipment to get a proper analysis."

The drive from the trees to the lab was much shorter, and this time there wasn't chatter in the car to distract Ed as his mind spun with possibilities about the red water. He couldn't shake the feeling that they were on the verge of something monumental. He just hoped that it was something monumental that would actually help him get home.

The lab was surprisingly similar to the last time Ed had seen it, a combination of alchemical equipment, potted plants, and scattered documents everywhere. The scent of chemicals and old parchment hung in the air as he and Al stepped into the room. As they settled around a cluttered table, Ed's thoughts swirled with questions and doubts, his mind racing to piece together the puzzle before them. Russell, meanwhile, opened a cabinet and pulled out a small vial filled with red liquid, and placed it on the table in front of Ed. 

Ed reached for the vial, his fingers hovering over it for a moment before he carefully picked it up. The red liquid inside was thick and viscous, swirling like blood and clinging to the sides of the vial as he tilted it back and forth.

"We're still not exactly sure what it is," Russell began, his voice low and deliberate, "but from what we've gathered, this substance seems to be related to the process of creating a Philosopher's Stone... or at least, a step towards it."

Ed leaned forward, his brows furrowing. "It's not actually a step in producing the stone itself," he corrected. "Rather, it's a side path that creates a 'false' Philosopher's Stone when it's purified."

Russell blinked in surprise, clearly taken aback by Ed's sudden knowledge. "How... How do you know that?" he asked, his voice tinged with both confusion and excitement.

Ed hesitated, swirling the vial of red liquid and avoiding Russell's gaze. "Let's just say I've been down this path before," he replied cryptically.

"Were the trees, just... making this?" Al said, frowning as he tried to look at the vial while Ed swirled it. The red liquid shimmered ominously in the lamplight.

"No," Russell said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against a counter. "It happened... Well, it happened after that um... What did you call it again? The Day of the Covenant?"

"The Promised Day," Al said automatically.

"Right, that," Russell said with a snap of his fingers. "Well, it first started on this 'Promised Day' of yours. The trees were normal, everyone fainted, and when we came to, the trees were like this. But I'm pretty it happened because of the solution I applied to them long before that."

Al raised an eyebrow and turned his attention away from the vial to look at Russell. "What makes you so sure about that?"

"That's actually where I come in," Fletcher said, stepping forward hesitantly. "I actually, uh... I was trying not to get involved with Brother's research because, uh. Well, I didn't agree with his sponsor's... morality. But Brother knew once he started applying his solution to the trees that there was no way it could ever be used on a human, and he asked me to come back and help him research."

"Fletcher's always been the better botanical alchemist between the two of us," Russell said, flashing his younger brother a proud grin. Fletcher blushed slightly, but grinned back.

"I've been working closely with the trees," Fletcher continued. "They're not hurting, but they were confused long before The Promised Day."

Al raised an eyebrow. "You make it sound like you're talking to the trees."

"I suppose you could say that," Fletcher said with a self-conscious laugh. "Though trees don't really talk. They do more of... Well, they're all connected, really, so they don't have to talk. They all just... know. And when you do a transmutation with plants, you can basically tell them you're a tree too, and if you know how to listen right..." Fletcher trailed off, his hands hanging helplessly in the air like he knew he sounded crazy but had no other way to explain it. Ed understood the feeling. World jumping, dragons for brothers, body switching, talking with god every night... There was a lot in his life he couldn't explain, either. If there was anyone who could talk with trees, it was Fletcher Tringham.

"Okay," Ed said, putting the vial down on the table with a soft clink. "So what were the trees saying before the Promised Day, and what are they saying now?"

Fletcher blinked, as if he hadn't expected Ed to go along with it so easily, but he nodded and said, "Well, on the outside, the trees looked normal and healthy in every way. But when I used alchemy on them, they were... anxious. Trees are normally very calm. They've seen just about everything, so they don't panic much. But these trees, they were... frantic, almost. They kept talking about being 'cut off' from something, like the solution had destroyed a piece of them. It took me months to even figure out what they meant because it was so hard to translate. I call it The Root. It's something... Bigger. I think that trees, they don't just have this root system to be connected to all other trees, I think they're so much older than us that they know how to communicate across every single lifetime ever lived. I think The Root is them... tapping into the essence of life, basically. It's like the concept of the All in alchemy."

Ed's thoughts flashed back to Truth at the Gate, and his eyes widened. "The Greater Tree," he breathed.

"Sure," Fletcher said with a shrug, obviously not understanding the full nuance of Ed's revelation. "Well, anyway, before, they were mostly just freaking out about being cut off from The Root. But after the Promised Day, they... Well, they were talking differently."

"Differently how?" Al said, raising an eyebrow. 

"Differently like... like they said they didn't belong here," Fletcher said with a deep frown. "I just can't understand it. As far as I can tell, they were scared that the world was dying and that something was wrong, and they were desperate to tap into The Root and figure out what was going on, but they couldn't. And somehow, they got this idea that they were supposed to have this red water, because they had it 'before.' But they've never had it before! They're literally the inventors of this red water!" 

Ed's heart rate slowly began to climb. This all sounded too familiar, too much in line with his own experience of being switched with Kai and having no control over it. What if the trees had somehow switched bodies with the trees from his world? No, but the trees in his Xenotime were gone, he'd seen Fletcher and Russell transmute them away. How could the trees switch bodies with a lifetime where they'd died? But what could he even say to Russell and Fletcher when he wasn't willing to share the whole body-switching thing with them yet?  He couldn't even be sure that the trees actually were switching bodies in the first place, not when he still had so many questions. He picked up the vial of red liquid again and swirled it around with a frown. 

"You said this all happened after you applied a solution to the trees?" he said, and Russell nodded. "What exactly did you apply to them, anyway?" 

Russell's lips tightened. "I'm afraid that's confidential. I can't say."

Ed's frown deepened. He had a sinking feeling that whatever solution Russell had applied was crucial to figuring out what had happened to the trees. But how was he supposed to investigate if he didn't even know what he was looking for? "Can't or won't?" he asked, unable to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

"Can't," Russell said firmly. "It's classified information. Besides, what difference does it make? It's not like you can reverse it."

Ed's hand clenched around the vial of red liquid, and he fought the urge to throw it at Russell. Instead, he took a deep breath and said, "Look, I get that it might be classified, but if it has something to do with the trees and what's happening to them, we need to know. It's not just about reversing it, it's... I just... I need to understand what's going on with these trees."

Fletcher and Russell exchanged a look, and for a moment, Ed thought they might be willing to open up to him. But then Russell shook his head and said, "I'm sorry, Edward, but I just can't disclose that information right now. There are... complications. And even if I could, I'm not sure you'd understand the science behind it."

Ed's frustration boiled over. "Try me," he said through gritted teeth. "I'm the Full-fucking-metal Alchemist. I've seen all kinds of wild science in my time that would probably make you crap your pants."

"Oh yeah?" Russell said, raising an eyebrow. "Like what?"

Ed pursed his lips as he glared at Russell, trapped. He couldn't think of anything wild off the top of his head that wouldn't require him also explaining, 'Oh yeah, that actually happened in another world. Yeah, and here's the weirdest science, I actually switched bodies with an alternate version of myself. Neat, huh?'

"There was the Promised Day," Al interjected in a soft tone.

"Yeah," Fletcher said, perking up slightly. "We don't know much of anything that happened surrounding that. We didn't even know it was called the 'Promised Day' until you two told us."

 "The government clearly wants to keep it hushed up," Russell muttered with a roll of his eyes. "Trying to claim it as some sort of harmless alchemy experiment that got out of hand. You don't just have everyone in the country go simultaneously unconscious from a harmless alchemy experiment."

Ed and Al exchanged looks before Al took in a slow breath and started explaining, "The Promised Day was caused by a massive transmutation circle that was activated by Father, the leader of the homunculi, using the entire country as materials in the circle. It was meant to..."

"Create a philosopher's stone?" Ed interjected with a frown. Al made a face and shook his head.

"Well, kinda, but... More to turn him into a god?"

"Wait, you were there, Ed," Russell interjected with a wave of his hands. "How is it that you're questioning him on what happened? Shouldn't you know?"

Ed swallowed a lump in his throat, but before he could answer, Al was jumping in again.

"It doesn't matter. What I'm saying is, all these trees changed after the Promised Day, right?" Al said, gesturing to the window where the ominous red trees outside were visible. "Well, we know what happened on the Promised Day. We can help you. But we need to know all the information you know if you expect us to be able to actually help you figure anything out."

Russell and Fletcher exchanged glances, both looking intrigued and mildly impressed, and Ed could see their hesitation start to crumble. He found himself suddenly intensely grateful that Al had insisted on coming along. Not only did Al have the information to help figure out the puzzle, but he had always been so much better at gently persuading people than Ed.

"Well..." Russell said slowly, rubbing his chin. "Maybe... If you tell me why everyone passed out. Because of the massive transmutation?"

"Yes," Al said with a nod. "Everyone passed out because their souls were essentially getting absorbed into... one."

Fletcher's eyes widened at this. "Maybe the trees had their souls pulled from their bodies too!"

"That doesn't explain anything," Russell hissed. "If they had their souls pulled from their bodies, why are they still alive? Why did they come back thinking they had to make this red water?"

"Well, maybe they managed to communicate with The Root—"

"If you just tell us what you're working on—"

"—and The Root told them they needed the red water—"

"That doesn't make sense, why would The Root tell them—"

"—we could help if you'd just explain—"

As the three of them bickered, Ed glanced out the window. It was completely dark out, and Winry was still waiting back at the inn for them to bring home some dinner. They wouldn't be able to keep arguing like this all night. But not figuring it out tonight would mean not getting answers tonight. And not getting answers meant he would have to go and tell Kai that he wasn't any closer to getting either of them home.

The thoughts ran through his mind so quickly that Ed barely had any time to process them before he was starting to feel lightheaded. His vision felt fuzzy and distorted, like he was trying to focus on something just out of reach. It had been a long day already and all the information going around in circles between Al, Fletcher, and Russell was making him dizzy. He could hardly stand still anymore without feeling as though the room were spinning around him faster than an alchemy circle activating at full power...

Ed felt a wave of panic wash over him as he started to go lightheaded. His breathing became unsteady, and his heart began pounding in his chest, sweat pooling at the back of his neck like icy fingers pressing against it. He could feel himself fading out from reality until all that remained were flickering images; the trees outside writhing with their red twisted hands reaching for something unseen. His breaths grew shallow and rapid as the panic clawed at his insides, threatening to consume him. He tried to force himself to focus on the task at hand, but the anxiety was overwhelming, clouding his thoughts like a thick fog.

"Are you alright?" Al asked, his voice laced with concern as he eyed Ed warily.

"I'm fine," Ed lied, trying to brush off the worry etched on Al's face. "Just... Just need a moment."

As he steadied himself against the lab table, his heart fluttered again, sending a sharp jolt of pain through his chest. His knees buckled beneath him, and terror seized him—was this another heart attack? Pain in his chest, darkness at the edges of his vision, body failing him... It sure felt similar to when he'd had a heart attack in Germany. Desperate to maintain some semblance of control, Ed attempted to catch himself, but his body betrayed him once more.

His right arm collided painfully with the metal corner of the table, causing him to wince as a stinging sensation raced up his limb. Red blossomed along his shirt sleeve, and Ed winced, rolling it up to reveal a long cut.

"Brother!" Al said, rushing towards Ed. "Okay, that's enough. You're clearly too tired to keep going. We'll have to go home for the night and come back in the morning."

"It's fine, Al," Ed said with a dismissive wave of his left hand. "It's just a cut, no big deal."

"You're hardly standing," Al said, flicking a pair of angry golden eyes upward. "Winry would kill me if—"

But as Al was speaking, another wave of panic washed over Ed at the thought of Winry fussing and worrying over him yet again, and his knees buckled, causing him to grab the table for support. The impact also jostled the various ingredients and apparatus scattered across the surface, and in an instant, chaos reigned.

"Watch out!" Russell shouted, lunging toward the table in a futile attempt to salvage the situation.

But it was too late. The small metal jar that had captured their attention earlier toppled over, spilling its enigmatic contents directly onto the fresh cut on Ed's arm. The liquid that came out was shiny and bright blue, although it moved in a way that almost reminded Ed of mercury. Definitely not a material that looked non-toxic. He was only able to process it spilling over his arm for a second before the material reached his cut, and then suddenly, as if it was being slurped through a straw, the material disappeared into Ed's cut in less than a second. Ed only barely saw it happen before he was hit with a sudden, unbearable agony that set every nerve alight. It was like magma had been poured directly into his right arm, somehow feeling even worse than when he'd lost the arm in the first place. Ed screamed out, stumbling backward and clutching at his arm as the room dissolved into chaos.

"Brother!" Al screamed, his voice cracking with fear. 

"Shit!" Russell hissed, hurrying around the table and to Ed's side. "Shit, shit. Fletcher, come here. Help me get some plants to hold him down."

All Ed could do was submit to the pain, clutching at his arm and feeling like he was dying. He at least could take small comfort in the fact that he knew that if he was feeling this much, he wasn't actually dead yet. Once his brain decided there was too much pain and completely shut the pain receptors off, now that was the time to truly be scared. But in the meantime, the pain throbbed at his consciousness like glass shards that were embedded in his brain, slowly getting driven in even deeper with barbed wire to hold it in place. He closed his eyes and clutched at his arm, as if there were anything he could do to make such a pain easier to bear. 

"Russell, what was in that jar?" Al demanded in a sharp tone.

There wasn't sound for a long time, and even without his eyes open, Ed could guess at the sort of expressions Russell was making. He still remembered the wide-eyed expression that had been frozen on Russell's face when he'd seen Fletcher fall in the red water back in Ed's Xenotime. 

"Brother, you have to tell them now," Fletcher hissed. Ed could hear Russell suck in a breath through his teeth. 

"The Alkahest," Russell said in a hushed tone, his voice barely above a whisper. "That was what I applied to the trees. A working prototype of the Alkahest."

The word echoed through the laboratory like a death knell, further heightening the dread that had already taken root in Ed's heart. The Alkahest was on the same legendary level as the Philosopher's Stone itself, almost a sister material that was the same and opposite all at once. It was supposed to be just a legend, not something any alchemist would ever be able to achieve, an alchemical substance that would dissolve anything in its path, including human flesh and bone. The only thing that could contain it was a theoretical container made specially for the Alkahest. 

Ed's body convulsed again, the pain intensifying to an unbearable level. His mind was consumed by the agony, and he couldn't register anything else around him. He wanted to scream, to beg for mercy, but the pain was so intense that it robbed him of the ability to articulate anything. The room began to spin, and darkness swelled at the edges of his vision. As he drifted into unconsciousness, there was only one thought that remained in Ed's mind.

What would happen when the Alkahest ran its course?

Chapter Text

Ed's body convulsed in agony, every nerve ending screaming as if on fire. The Alkahest coursed through his veins like liquid razors, tearing him apart from within. He could feel the unknown substance gnawing at his very being, and it was all he could do to keep from slipping into the cold embrace of unconsciousness.

"Is he going to be okay?" Al's voice quivered, strained with panic. Ed barely registered the sound, his mind clouded by the relentless torment.

Russell hesitated before answering, his face a mixture of guilt and worry. "I don't know," he admitted, fumbling for words. "We've never seen anything like this before. I was nowhere near considering testing this on humans, not with the way the trees have reacted."

"Why would you ever test the Alkahest on people?" Al screeched.

"Not the actual Alkahest, we never meant to make the real thing. Just... Something that could dissolve any disease."

"This is making him sicker, not curing him!"

"I said we weren't ready for humans yet!"

Ed closed his eyes against the noise and bright lights of the lab room. Everything was so loud and bright and painful. His eyes felt dry and watery at the same time. They were crossed and blurry, and he could see the room spinning. Everything pressed against him until Ed couldn't tell where he ended and the floor began.

"I need to call Winry."

He was vaguely aware of Al's voice high above him, trembly and cracking in a way he hadn't heard since they'd first reunited. Ed had always thought that had gone away just because Al had grown out of puberty, but apparently, it was something that could be unlocked if there was enough emotion. Ed knew there was definitely a lot of emotion that Al was probably feeling right now, but he couldn't entirely remember why. He just wanted to forget about the whole thing and close his eyes until it all just... disappeared.

You're in pain, you should stay awake.

Ed hissed and clenched his fists automatically at the reminder. Right, right. He was in some of the worst pain he'd been in for a while. Worse than losing an arm, but maybe not quite as painful as getting stabbed all the way through. Then again, all he could remember of being stabbed was just a quick second of pain, shock, surprise, and then suddenly... Gate. There hadn't been much time to be in pain in the first place.

But... No. He definitely remembered being in pain longer than that. He got stabbed, and there was that same pain, shock, surprise, and then... A flash of determination, a fist clenched tightly around earrings... Pain... So much pain he could hardly stay conscious as he was carried... Somewhere. But he had been conscious to some degree through it all, he hadn't just skipped off to the Gate.

He groaned and shook his head. Who was he again? Edward Elric? No, he wasn't just Edward Elric, he was... Someone else? How could he even be Edward Elric and someone else at the same time? What other names did he go by? Fullmetal? No, it wasn't that simple, it was different than just a codename.

"Who's Winry?"

"His wife," Al said, his voice wobbly.

Ed frowned. Of course, he had always figured Winry would go off and marry someone at some point, but actually hearing it confirmed hurt in a different way. He could just picture how beautiful she must have been on her wedding day, her hair done up with a crown of colorful flowers, lacy white gloves on her hands as she held on to him and recited her vows...

He blinked. No, no, he remembered marrying her, how could she have married someone else?

I was wondering when you'd show.

No, he couldn't have married her, because he'd left her, and-

He couldn't entirely remember who he was supposed to be, the world was painful and bright, and dammit, he just wanted Winry to come and hold him and fix him and make it better like she always had.

"His wife?" The unfamiliar voice said. "Odd. I didn't realize he was married. He's not wearing a ring."

Ed frowned at that. Where was that damn ring, anyway? How could he have been so careless with it, to have forgotten to wear it this long?

He didn't know where he was. He didn't know who he was.

"Winry," he croaked, clenching and unclenching a fist.

Ed hissed as another wave of pain rolled over him, the pain becoming more intense with each passing second, and he gritted his teeth in an effort to try to hold it at bay. He was vaguely aware of Al's voice, but couldn't quite focus on what he was saying. All he could focus on was the pain that felt like it was consuming him from the inside out.

He swore he could feel the Alkahest in his veins, like worms made of lava were wriggling just underneath his skin. Every movement was agony and he wanted nothing more than to just curl up into a ball and forget about everything.

It was all because of the Alkahest. That damn thing was eating him from the inside out, and if he didn't find a way to stop it, the thing would probably devour him alive. How was he supposed to stand in the way of a rampaging wildfire that would devour everything in its path?

Because the way to solve a wildfire wasn't to stand in its path, it was to cut off its fuel supply.

Ed hissed and grit his teeth. What was one more limb lost in the face of death, after all? He rolled to his side so he could reach his left arm over to his now-numb right arm, the clap and blue light falling over him like a comforting blanket.

And then, a squeaked, "Brother!"

And before he could finish the transmutation, there was a pair of hands on each of his wrists, pinning him down. Ed screamed and flailed at them, kicking his feet in the air, but then there was another pair of hands at his ankles.

"Brother, don't," Al said, his voice shaking. "We don't know how the Alkahest will react to a transmutation."

"You have to cut my arm off, Al," Ed rasped, barely managing to crack his eyes open. "It'll destroy me. You have to cut it off while you still can."

"Cutting it off won't help," a soft voice said near Ed's feet. "It went into his bloodstream. Blood moves too quickly."

"What am I supposed to do," Al screamed, his grip tightening around Ed's right wrist, "just sit here and watch my brother die?"

"If the Alkahest was going to kill him, he'd already be dead," another voice said. "Trust me. The best thing we can do right now is to make sure he stabilizes."

Ed felt himself drifting away from the pain, like it was on a cloud and he was on a cloud, and they were both slowly drifting further and further away from one another, him settling into his comfy nest of cloud like a warm blanket by the fire-

"How do you know?" Al said, and a raindrop hit Ed's nose. Funny. He could have sworn they were inside.

"I don't," the other voice said with a deep sigh. "I've just got a feeling."

Ed pushed a piece of cloud in his brother's direction, wishing he could share the calm peace that was settling over him. "It'll be okay, Al," he whispered, though he couldn't seem to get his lips to listen to his directions. Al took in a rattling breath, and the fingers around Ed's wrist loosened ever so slightly. 

"Okay," Al whispered, and another raindrop splashed against Ed's cheek. "Okay. I'll try to believe."

The sound of his brother’s voice was getting distant, like a dream you only barely remember the feeling of, even if you can't materialize any of it into words. He could almost catch some of it, but was already floating too high to make out the words. And no matter how hard Ed tried to fight it, the white washed over him and everything faded away. 

As the sun cast long shadows across the room, Ed stirred from his slumber, his golden eyes blinking open to a world drenched in the warm hues of afternoon. The weight of sleep still clung to him, and for a moment, he lay there, caught between the lingering tendrils of dreams and the quiet call of reality.

"Good morning," a soft voice above him said, and when Ed opened his eyes, he was greeted by dark hair and dark eyes. Noah gave him a small, teasing smile. "Or good afternoon, really."

"I slept that long?" Ed said with a groan, pushing himself into a sitting position and stretching his arms over his head. "Dammit, I thought you were going to wake me up after a couple hours!"

"You looked so tired," Noah said with a weak chuckle. "I couldn't bear the thought of bothering you. It's not like we have anywhere to be."

Ed paused, frowning as he thought over her words. Normally, Al would have had to get to work, but considering Al had just gotten fired that morning, it looked like he suddenly had a lot more time on his hands. And it looked like the younger Elric was enjoying the chance to sleep in, hugging a pillow tightly against his face. Without an apartment to pay rent on, Ed wasn't even sure if he and Noah needed to try going out to play for tips.

"Well, what about food?" he said with a frown. "I'm sure Winnie can't really afford to just keep buying all of us food."

"Oh stop," Winnie said, poking her hair out from the bathroom, her short hair hanging in wet clumps around her chin. "First of all, I'm being taken care of by Mr. Lang in the first place, and I'm sure he wouldn't want you to go hungry. And second, you're already providing food, in a way. Your friend Else called this morning and invited all four of us to dinner. She said she wanted to make sure she and Casamir got a proper chance to say goodbye before you left for America. So that's dinner sorted."

"And I went out and got some fresh bread and cheese for breakfast," Noah said with a grin. "Or... Perhaps it would be lunch by now."

"Call it whatever you like, I'm in," Ed said, throwing himself out from under the covers. His body wasn't particularly a fan of the fact that he'd stayed up all night and then skipped breakfast in favor of sleep.

"Well, okay, if we don't need to worry about food, and we don't have rent to pay..." Ed said with a frown as he cut himself a piece of bread. "What do we do?"

The women glanced at one another, and Winnie shrugged.

"Huh, a day off. I can't remember the last time I had one of those" Ed said, grinning as he took a bite of the fresh bread. The middle squished perfectly in his mouth, the edges giving just the perfect amount of opposing crunch. With the amount of hunger he was in, Ed nearly melted at the taste.

"Al and I were planning to practice our Charleston today," Winnie said with a laugh as she looked over at where Al was still on the bed, now emitting a loud snore. "But I've got a feeling he won't be up to that for a little bit. So I suppose you two have the opportunity to practice so you have an advantage over us in the competition."

Ed couldn't fully say what came over him, probably just training from a lifetime of playful teasing with Al and Winry. But the instinct of turn-everything-into-a-teasing-competition-with-Winry took over, and before he knew it, he was nudging Noah with a grin.

"Quick, let's go to the dancehall!" he said with a laugh. "With how behind Al is on sleep, we could get in hours of practice! Those two will never be able to catch up!"

Noah laughed and shook her head. "The competition isn't even about how well you dance, it's about who dances the longest."

"Well," Ed said with a smirk and a shrug, "Let's go get our endurance, up, then."

"Ed!" Noah laughed and rolled her eyes. "Wouldn't it make the most sense to save our energy until then?"

He shrugged at that. With his arm and leg finally working for the first time since he'd gotten there, it felt like he had days of pent-up energy that he hadn't even been able to work out just busting at the seams. He felt like if he couldn't get Noah to agree to do something with him, then he would have to just jog around the block ten or twenty times until he could actually think again.

"Okay," Noah said, her face softening when her eyes connected with his. She reached out and put a hand on his arm. He had no idea what she saw, but her expression softened even more, like she was feeling for him. "Okay, I'll go. Give me a second to do my hair."

It made him incredibly curious what she could have seen to cause a reaction like that.

But before he could question her on it, Noah was hurrying off to the bathroom, leaving Ed sitting on the bed while Winnie rummaged through a small suitcase.

"So I guess if Al wakes up, we'll just meet you down at the dancehall?" she said with a laugh.

"Uh, sure," Ed said, scuffing at the floor with his shoe. Something about the air between them felt... weird. He couldn't explain it. This woman was supposed to be a stranger, and yet here he was, still feeling bad that he was taking Noah out dancing.

Maybe because even if so much of her was different, something about her eyes was the same, even if they were a more turquoise shade of blue. Maybe it was because it felt like he was doing all of this in front of his own wife, and if she were sitting there judging him for not trying harder to come home. But what was he even supposed to do when he had no alchemy, in a world where alchemy didn't even exist?

Now, now. Did you give up your alchemy as something that would actually be enough to be worthy of getting Al back, or did you give it up just so you could play the helpless victim card?

Ed frowned and swallowed a lump in his throat.

"I'm not running away," he muttered. He could remember once shouting those words at his father, furious at the implication that he would run away from anything. He'd stood so strongly behind those words that he'd always taken extra care to try even harder to not run from things. Not just in the way that was obvious, but the secret way of running, the way that tricked him into think he was being brave because he was facing something dangerous instead of feelings.

So why did it feel like the words felt hollow when he said them now?

Because he was running.

Ed frowned. Why was he traveling backward?

"Did you say something?" Winnie said, frowning over her shoulder.

Ed shook himself out of his dazed thoughts, holding a hand up to his forehead. He cleared his throat and tried to relax his shoulders. "Nah- No. Just... thinking to myself."

Winnie shrugged and turned back to her suitcase, calling out over her shoulder, "So, if Al doesn't wake up in time for us to get to the dancehall, would you rather come back here and then we go to Else's as a group? Or would you rather we meet you at the dancehall? Or I suppose we could all just meet at Else's."

"We might as well come back here," Ed said with a shrug. "Just in case we need something."

It was odd how it felt so much like the millions of other times he'd made plans with Winry, and yet it still felt like there was this thick glass wall between them that he couldn't quite move.

"Okay," she said, closing the suitcase and standing up. Ed found himself instinctively standing with her, so he was looking her straight in the eye. It felt odd, to be exactly her height when he'd gotten so used to her being those couple inches shorter than him, just perfect for tucking under his chin when he hugged her. He swallowed a lump in his throat as their eyes connected. Winnie frowned.

"And, Ed?" she said, her voice nearly a whisper. Ed felt himself leaning in out of habit. He knew her. She was clearly upset about something, and normally, his response would have been to pull her in for a hug where he promised he was never letting her go. But now he had to fight the instinctive response, clenching his hands as he looked at her. Winnie had opened her mouth like she was trying to say something, but then closed it again with a frown.

"What?" Ed said, and she looked at him with wide, blue eyes. He scoffed. "Of course, I know something's wrong. It's written all over your face."

And then the bathroom door was opening, and Noah was coming out, and Ed could see the exact moment Winnie shut her feelings away in the dark corner pantry of her mind. She had something big on her mind, something she wanted to say to Ed. Something she didn't feel she could say in front of Noah, who she thought was his wife.

Ed's mind swam with the implications, and he fought to keep his face neutral as Noah came over to him.

"It's good to spend time with your wife," Winry said with a small, sad smile turning away and letting him follow Noah out the door, still looking back over his shoulder at her.

Ed felt a pang of guilt as he followed Noah down the stairs. He couldn't shake off the feeling that he was betraying someone, though he couldn't quite put his finger on who. He knew he wasn't technically married to Noah, but it still felt wrong to be spending time with her as if he was. It was like playing pretend, and he knew that sooner or later, reality would come crashing down on them.

But for now, he pushed those thoughts aside and focused on the moment. Noah linked her arm with his as they walked down the street, and he couldn't help but feel a flicker of hope. Maybe he was just overthinking everything. Al was sure Sylvan would find a way home, hell, even Sylvan was sure he would find a way home. All Ed had to do was make sure he didn't get in the way, and fix the automail. And the automail was already done. Would it really hurt so much to just breathe, for once in his life?

As they entered the dancehall, the music was already in full swing. The room was packed with people, all laughing and dancing with abandon. Ed felt a twinge of jealousy at their carefree attitudes, wishing he could be just as carefree himself.

But when Noah pulled him onto the dance floor, he forgot all about his worries. The music was lively and upbeat, and he found himself lost in the rhythm of it all. Noah was a great dancer, and soon they were spinning and twirling around the floor. Ed found himself impressed with his own automail work, impressed with how much easier it was for him to dance compared to even just a couple days ago.

Fuck, had it really only been a couple days since they'd last been there? There had been so much going on between Sylvan and Winnie and the apartment burning, and America...

Ed tripped over himself as he lost his focus, and he mentally chided himself for the distraction. He wasn't there to think harder about his problems, he was there to distract himself until his own body was too tired to fight him. So he instead put all his focus into the dance, trying to make sure his movements lined up with Noah's as perfectly as possible.

"So whaddya think?" he asked with a grin as the song ended. "Think we've got a chance of winning that competition?"

"I told you," Noah said with a laugh."It's not about who dances the best, it's about who dances the longest. And no, we've got no chance if you push yourself that hard on the day of the competition. Come on, you look like you could use a chance to catch your breath."

"I'm fine," Ed protested weakly, even as Noah led him to a table. Several other people left the dance floor at the same time as the band started a new song. Ed didn't entirely want to admit it, but the Amestrian automail was still a fair amount heavier than the clockwork automail he'd been wearing before. Even if he'd gotten a major upgrade in how well he could move, it was a little more draining than his body was used to.

"Noah, can I ask you something?" he said as he sat on one of the benches. She looked at him with wide, dark eyes. Ed licked his lips and continued, "When I was saying we should go to the dancehall, you didn't want to at first, but then you touched me and you agreed. What... What exactly did you see that would make you change your mind like that?"

"Oh, that," Noah said with a relieved laugh. "Oh, Ed, I was already changing my answer to yes, I didn't need to see your thoughts to know what you were thinking about. It just confirmed that you were thinking the same way I would have expected of... Um. Ed."

Ed blinked, surprised by the answer. "And what did you think I was thinking about?"

"War," Noah murmured softly, her gaze distant. Her eyes caught Ed, and she seemed to snap herself out of the thought with a reassuring smile. "You both are used to always fighting for your lives. Sometimes, when things are quiet for too long, your brain starts obsessing over the fact that it thinks it should be in battle."

"Oh," Ed said, frowning as he sat back and thought over that particular piece of information. He let out a slightly self-conscious, bitter laugh. "I've been fighting so long I forgot how to relax? What does that say about me?"

"That you're a survivor," Noah said, reaching out and putting her hand on his knee. She smiled at him, and Ed couldn't help but smile back. "No matter what, you always find a way through."

For a long minute, all Ed could do was stare at her, trying to process the complexity of his emotions. He wasn't used to hearing someone other than Winry or Al understand everything he'd been through and giving him the grace he usually forgot to give himself. It made him feel a protective surge of gratitude and fondness for Noah, though he immediately felt guilty for it. It seemed like whether he was spending time with Winnie or Noah, he was still doomed to feel guilty. He couldn't tell if he was betraying one by spending time with the other.

"Thanks," he said softly, breaking the silence between them. "For being here. For... understanding."

Noah just smiled at him before standing up and holding out her hand. "Come on, let's dance."

So for the next few hours, Ed and Noah danced, letting the music carry them away from their thoughts, simply enjoying the easy pleasure of one another's company. The Charleston seemed to flow naturally from his limbs, as if the dance had been ingrained into his very soul.

But even the dance couldn't distract Ed forever, and he could slowly feel as there seemed to be more and more people watching him and Noah dance rather than dancing beside them.

"Hang on, I need a minute," Noah said, tugging him off the dance floor. Ed bit his lip, hesitating as she let go of him to go to the restroom. He couldn't shake the feeling that splitting up didn't seem like a good idea right then, even if he couldn't fully explain why he was feeling that way.

Ed saw a group of men approaching from across the room, their stares locked on him with an intensity that was almost intimidating. Drawing his shoulders back in defiance, he held his head high as they approached him.

"I heard you and that little friend of yours were planning to enter the competition," one of the men said, narrowing his eyes. Ed could recognize him as the man who'd punched him the last time they were at the dancehall. Zimmerman.

"What, you scared we're going to beat you?" Ed said with a smirk, pushing his nose in the air. "You should be."

"Get down from your castle in the sky," Zimmerman said with a scoff and roll of his eyes. "The judges aren't going to let cheaters win. You better make sure you keep her out of here. We want an honest competition."

Ed squared his shoulders and clenched his jaw as he stared at the other man. "And what exactly do you mean by that?"

"I mean," Zimmerman said,squaring his own shoulders, "that we know exactly how your kind go about winning things, and we won't tolerate it. So you two better stay away from that competition."

Ed narrowed his eyes at Zimmerman, feeling a spark of anger mixed with fear. He wasn't sure what the man meant by "your kind," but he had a feeling it wasn't anything good. He could feel the hostility emanating from Zimmerman and his group of friends, and he knew that this situation could escalate quickly.

"Listen, pal," Ed said through gritted teeth. "I don't know what you're trying to insinuate here, but I don't cheat. And I won't let anyone tell me otherwise."

Zimmerman just sneered at him, his lip curling in disgust. "No such thing as an honest gypsy."

It was then that Ed realized that "your kind" was meant to refer to Roma people, and despite his light skin, Zimmerman had decided that Ed was also Roma just because he was with Noah. Ed tensed at Zimmerman's words. Of course he knew on some level that Noah faced prejudice, considering he'd been seeing evidence of that ever since he'd arrived. But it was one thing to know something logically, and another thing to face it directly and take the blow himself. And he couldn't believe that he was being accused of cheating simply because of his supposed ethnicity.

"Noah's not a cheater either," Ed said, his voice low and dangerous as he stepped closer to Zimmerman. "And even if she was, it still wouldn't excuse your bigotry."

Zimmerman scowled, also taking a step closer to Ed. "Lies have short legs."

"Excuse me?" Ed said, feeling his blood boil. He could feel his hands shaking with rage. He wanted nothing more than to punch Zimmerman in the face. It was all he could do to keep himself from leaping at the man's throat, and he only held himself back because he knew Al wouldn't be there to tell him when to stop.

But before things could escalate any further, Noah emerged from the restroom, catching sight of the tense standoff between Ed and Zimmerman. She walked quickly over to them, her eyes flicking between the two men as she put a hand on Ed's arm.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, her voice steady and even, even with the concern that flashed through her eyes as she looked up at Ed.

He knew he didn't have to actually say anything, not with her hand on his arm. His memories were probably pretty easy to read in that moment. Ed took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down before looking back at Noah. He could feel her hand on his arm, grounding him and reminding him that he wasn't alone in this.

"No, it's not okay," he said finally, his voice low and angry. "This guy thinks we're cheaters just because of who he thinks we are."

Noah's fingers tightened around his arm. "Ed, let's just go. Else's expecting us for dinner tonight."

Ed frowned, glancing over at Noah. Her eyes were wide, but steady, not fearful. He swallowed and took in a breath through his nose. He needed to calm down. He needed to think clearly, like she was somehow managing.

"Let's go home," Noah urged, tugging at his arm.

"You don't have a home," Zimmerman said in a strangely self-satisfied way. "It was probably your gypsy magic that burned the place down. I saw the way you walked out of there without a scratch."

And there was something about the way he said it that made it suddenly click into Ed's mind that Zimmerman must have been one of the men Noah had heard in the hall who'd set fire to the place. Zimmerman hadn't said anything that actually proved he'd done it, but Ed hadn't spent a lifetime detecting alchemists' bullshit to miss the air Zimmerman had on him when he said Noah didn't have a home, like he was fucking gloating.

Before he fully had decided what he was doing, Ed found himself pressing Zimmerman against the wall, digging his automail arm into the man's throat.

"You," Ed growled, getting close enough for spit to land on the other man's cheeks. "You and your friends are the ones who burned down the apartment. People could have died. All because you couldn't stand seeing Noah at the dancehall. And what, now you can't stand seeing her again, and you think you can just scare her away because that's easier than facing your own damn fear?"

Zimmerman gasped for air, his eyes bulging as Ed tightened his grip on his throat. Noah tried to pull him off, but he wouldn't budge.

"Ed, stop it!" she shouted, desperation in her voice.

Ed reluctantly loosened his grip on Zimmerman's throat, allowing the man to gasp for air again. He glared at Zimmerman for a moment longer before finally releasing him completely and stepping back. The man coughed and wheezed, clutching his throat as he glared up at Ed with pure hatred.

"You're going to regret this," Zimmerman spat out, his voice hoarse. "You and your little gypsy whore."

"You—!" Ed snarled and lunged towards Zimmerman again, but Noah held an arm out in front of him.

"Ed," she said, her voice calm, but still soft enough that Ed paused, his fist lowering. Her eyes connected with his as she pleaded, "Let's just go."

"Okay," Ed said, nodding as he relaxed his stance. "Okay."

He stepped away from Zimmerman, still glaring at him as he put an arm around Noah's shoulders. He could feel her trembling slightly and held her a little closer as they turned to walk away in the opposite direction.

Ed supposed that in some ways, Zimmerman was very lucky, because Noah was there, and that was enough to stop Ed from taking out every single part of the past week on a random racist dick. In some other ways, Zimmerman was incredibly unlucky, because he decided he wanted another round with the ex-child-soldier who once punched god in the face.

The instant Ed felt hands on his shoulders, he acted with pure instinct, throwing his head backwards with the force of a horse throwing off its rider. The hands immediately let go, and Ed took the opportunity to reach out and grab Noah's hand, dragging her through the door and into the street, letting the dancehall dissolve into pandemonium behind them. Their breaths puffed out in clouds from their faces as they ran,and Ed let out a curse of relief at finally feeling the pent up energy from the corners of his heart get stretched out.

"Ed, he had blood all over his face!"

"Yeah, I probably broke his nose," Ed said dismissively. "That's what happens when you try to grab people."

"Ed!"

"It is!" Ed said with a shrug.

"Not like that," Noah said, shaking her head. Her braids whipped around her face with the movement as they ran, looking almost like they had a life of their own. "What I mean is... I know he deserved it, but... You realize how he's going to tell the story, right?"

"What?" Ed said, slightly slowing his pace as he frowned at her. Noah sighed.

"You know. He was simply making conversation when these two dangerous, delinquent gypsies attacked him for no reason." As Noah spoke, she wobbled her voice in an over-dramatic way, slightly rolling her eyes at each exaggeration.

They seemed to have lost anyone who could have bee following them, so Ed stopped running to frown at Noah. She sighed and looked down at the ground.

"We're going to be in so much trouble," she said softly. "You broke his nose, Ed. What makes you think we'll ever be allowed to enter the competition now?"

Ed opened his mouth, then closed it, and then ran a hand through his bangs.

"Shit," he finally muttered. "Noah, I... I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad," Noah said, rubbing her hands on her arms. It had gotten considerably colder since she and Ed had initially set out, now that the sun had set. "He was an asshole. He deserved much more than a broken nose. It's just... I don't know."

He frowned as Noah shivered, unsure whether it was from the incident with Zimmerman or the cold. Either way, Ed pulled his coat off, draping it over Noah's shoulder's before she could protest.

"Can we go back to the hotel now?" Noah said, pulling the coat tighter around herself.

"Sure," Ed said, turning and jamming his hands tightly in his pockets as they walked. They managed to walk about a block in silence before Ed was frowning and holding his hand out. A delicate snowflake landed on his palm, clinging to the fibers of his glove.

"More snow," he said with a laugh. Noah let out a small smile, her eyes focusing on the snowflake in his hand. Ed smiled, closed his hands into fists, and the snowflake melted, disappearing with the other ones floating around them.

Ed didn't say anything, but he grabbed Noah's gloved hand, and they kept walking.

"I put off telling Ed I loved him for a long time," she finally said, her voice soft. "Not because I was scared of his reaction. I know exactly how he feels. I could have lived happily by his side for the rest of our lives without ever telling him because I knew he loved me. Even if he didn't know it himself."

Ed frowned, turning to look at her as they walked. "Then why did you tell him?"

"Because," Noah said, her own eyebrows furrowing as she clutched Ed's coat tighter around her shoulders. "Because of things like the dancehall. Because I want his being with me to be a conscious choice. I don't want him to be with me because he just... Let it happen. Being with me means other people will see him in connection with me. If I didn't make my feelings clear, it felt like I was... tricking him into carrying this burden beside me."

Ed was silent as they walked, staring at the snow collecting on the cobblestones as they walked. It felt like he was supposed to say something, but he couldn't think of anything he could say that really mattered. Not when who she actually needed was Sylvan.

"Being with you isn't a burden, Noah," he said softly, reaching out to take her hand. "Trust me. You're one of the few things in his life that can hold him together. You're a blessing."

Noah smiled, her eyes bright with tears as she looked up at him. "Thanks."

They walked the rest of the way in companionable silence, feeling the warmth of each other's presence in the chilly evening air. As they were reaching the front doors of the hotel, Ed groaned and rubbed at his right shoulder, frowning at the sudden intense burning feeling. He hadn't fucked up something in his automail wiring, had he? He knew it was a lot to go from the basic repairs he'd been doing to practically rebuilding an arm from the ground up, but he'd figured he was smart enough and knew enough to at least avoid the major fuck-ups.

"Are you okay?" Noah said, frowning and reaching for his shoulder.

"I'm fine," Ed grunted, trying to wave her off. "It's just... I think it's just phantom pain. Just give it a second and it'll pass."

But even as he spoke, his body betrayed him. His muscles tightened, convulsing uncontrollably, and the world around him began to fade. All he could hear was Noah's panicked voice, calling his name as darkness swallowed him whole.

Kai came back to consciousness slowly, the empty white space of the void feeling like a slap across the face when he'd shown up there so unexpectedly. He rubbed his eyes, disoriented. It was as if he'd been in the void for hours, even though he knew it had only been a few minutes. But when he looked around, he saw that he wasn't alone.

"Shit...shit...shit," Sylvan muttered under his breath, running both hands through his bangs as he paced the white space.

Kai felt his heart drop to his feet. Sylvan looked utterly terrified. Had Kai fucked up on the automail so badly that it somehow had brought both of them here?

Shit. Were they dead? Actually staying-dead-for-real-this-time dead?

"Sylvan," he called out, closing his eyes and trying to take in a breath as he said it.

Sylvan stood motionless, silence engulfing the air, as he slowly turned towards Kai with an expression of utter terror etched onto his face. His wide eyes shone like two molten pools of fear against the backdrop of his frozen body.

"Kai," he said, his voice cracking on the word. "No, no, fucking- What are you doing here?"

"I... I don't know," Kai said, wincing. "I don't remember falling asleep. Noah and I were going back to the hotel room, and then there was this pain in my arm, and then-"

"What kind of pain?" Sylvan interjected, his voice low. "The pain in your arm, what did it feel like?"

"Like... fire?" Kai raised an eyebrow at his double. Had Sylvan somehow had the same reaction, even without automail, even in another world? Maybe what had happened had actually had nothing to do with the automail at all, and maybe this was another case of a simultaneous heart attack.

"Shit," Sylvan muttered, running his hands through his bangs again. "Shit. Shit. Fuck."

Kai felt his stomach turn at the desperation in Sylvan's voice. He had never seen him like this, so frazzled and panicked. It was unnerving to watch.

"What's happening?" Kai asked, his voice laced with worry. "What does this mean?"

Sylvan shook his head, turning away as if he couldn't bear to look at Kai. "It's... complicated," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Complicated?!" Kai snapped, desperation bleeding into his tone. "I just passed out and woke up here! I need answers, Sylvan! What's happened? Are Winry and the kids alright?"

"Winry and the kids are fine," Sylvan said, holding his hands out toward Kai.

"What am I supposed to believe when you're acting like this?" Kai yelled, throwing his own hands in the air. "This is exactly why I said we shouldn't lie to one another! I know something is up with you, something big! What happened? Why aren't you telling me?"

"Because it's me!" Sylvan snapped, his voice rising above Kai's with a tremble. Kai froze, only able to stare at his double with wide eyes as Sylvan swallowed and took in a shaky breath, fighting the tears at the corners of his eyes.

"Because it's me," he repeated. "Nothing's wrong with Winry or the kids. It's me. I fucked up."

Kai stood there, stunned. It wasn't how he was used to talking with his double, and something about the tone in Sylvan's voice was familiar in a way he hated. He looked around at the white space again, feeling a sense of unease settle in the pit of his stomach. He had never felt so lost and alone.

"What did you do?" Kai asked, his voice quiet.

"I... I have Alkahest in my body," Sylvan whispered, staring at his feet. "Well. Your body, technically."

"W-What?" Kai said, stumbling backward a step as he stared at Sylvan with wide eyes."Alkahest? But it's just a myth!"

"So was the Philosopher's Stone," Sylvan said with a bitter snort.

"How are you even going to contain it?" Kai said, his voice going up to a frantic octave he hardly ever used. "The entire world—"

"Relax," Sylvan said with another snort. "It's not the real Alkahest. It doesn't have the energy to dissolve things endlessly. It'll fizzle out of energy and die from the effort of dissolving me."

Kai swallowed a lump in his throat, thinking over the implications. That morning, he'd thought that Sylvan would be able to find a way for them to switch back because... because when had they ever done anything else? And now it was looking like they would not only never switch back, but if Sylvan died, then they wouldn't meet up every day in the void to give one another updates on their life. Kai wouldn't even be able to watch his kids grow up through Sylvan's eyes. He would never even get to meet the new baby on the way that he'd never had a chance to celebrate.

"What the hell were you thinking, being around something as dangerous as the Alkahest?!" Kai snapped, his voice wavering.

"I was trying to get us both home, jackass!" Sylvan snapped back. "Something that you weren't even worried about until you got spooked about moving to a new continent!"

"It was different then!" Kai threw his hands in the air helplessly. "This is... We can't just...!"

He paused, all the emotions building up in him until they finally all exploded out. Kai held his hands to the side of his head and screamed at the top of his lungs, screamed like he could never get away with in waking life. He fell to his knees as he screamed, clenching his hands to the side of his head and squeezing his eyes shut as if he could somehow force himself to wake up from the nightmare.

"I can't fucking take this!" he screamed, not moving from his position. "I can't take another fucking day of this! Nothing even feels real! I'm supposed to be waking up and having this stupid, stupid dream fade away from my memory!"

Sylvan was quiet for a long time, long enough that Kai almost opened his eyes to see if that had somehow broken the spell, if he really had woken up back in his bedroom in Resembool. But then his double's voice came from right beside him, and he realized that the silence had just been Sylvan coming over to crouch in front of him.

"It's not a dream," Sylvan murmured. "They're all real people."

"We have to switch back!" Kai said, opening his eyes again and letting a torrent of tears rush out. "We have to switch back now!"

Sylvan stared at him, shock and anger warring on his face. "Are you insane?" he spat, grabbing Kai by the shoulders and shaking him roughly. "If we switch now, you'll be the one to die! What happened to saying it was too dangerous to rush into anything? You were the one pushing for us not to switch at all!"

Kai's eyes burned with desperation, his hands shaking uncontrollably as he grasped at Sylvan's arms. "I was wrong," he choked out, his voice ragged and broken."I would rather die in Winry's arms than never see her again."

His golden eyes bored into Sylvan's, pleading for understanding, for some shred of hope amidst the despair. His double's expression softened, the anger in his eyes replaced by a deep sadness. Sylvan gave Kai's shoulders a squeeze.

"I'm sorry," Sylvan whispered. "Sometimes, there just isn't any... equivalence. Sometimes, you just end up with the crappy ending."

Then he flickered like a candle in the breeze, once, twice, and then he was gone.

And Kai screamed into the void.

And the void said nothing back.

Chapter Text

Hello again, Reader.

It's been a while since we last talked. 

I have a feeling you're a little scared of me, hmm?

Do you remember the names I go by?

That's right, 

I'm You. 

So...

Why are you scared of Yourself?

"I don't know, he said something about his arm hurting, and then he just fell..."

Ed came back to consciousness slowly, his eyes fluttering as the world spun around him in muted colors. It almost felt like he was still in the void to some extent, as if the fact that he hadn't wanted to leave yet had somehow impacted this world, making the two collide into one. His chest ached, as if just having a heart at all had become a burden beyond his capabilities.

And then it occurred to him that the blur of a face hanging over him wasn't the pale skin and hair he was used to expecting with Winry and Al, but instead, soft bronze skin with a frame of dark hair that was deep like the night.

Noah.

If she touched him, she would know. Had she already touched him? He hadn't seen her there at the Gate with Sylvan, and she wasn't panicking, so maybe not. But the instant she touched him, she would see his thoughts. And how was he supposed to think about anything other than the terrified look he'd seen in Sylvan's eyes? How could he not hear anything other than the words on repeat in his head?

"Because it's me!" Sylvan snapped, his voice rising above Kai's with a tremble. Kai froze, only able to stare at his double with wide eyes as Sylvan swallowed and took in a shaky breath, fighting the tears at the corners of his eyes.

"Because it's me," he repeated. "Nothing's wrong with Winry or the kids. It's me. I fucked up."

And how could he let Noah see such a memory, let her know that not only was the man she loved never coming home, but that he was dying probably one of the worst deaths imaginable, eaten alive from the inside out? How would she even cope with such news? How would Al cope when she inevitably told him?

So when Noah caught sight of his open eyes and reached out to grab his arm, Ed found himself flinching away from her fingers.

And the way her face crumpled when he did it almost made him think that it would have been kinder to just let her see the truth about Sylvan.

"Ed!" Winnie said, crouched on his opposite side. "Noah said you collapsed, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, Win, I'm fine," Ed muttered, pushing himself up onto his elbows with a grunt. He just barely didn't catch the familiar nickname as it slipped out of him, and he flicked his eyes away from Noah, not wanting to see her reaction. Why did it even make him feel guilty in the first place? It wasn't his fault that he was in his double's body, wasn't his fault that it hurt for her to constantly be reminded that he just wasn't Sylvan, wasn't his fucking fault that he was in love with Winry. She was his wife, for godsake! So why did it feel like he was a cheating asshole no matter which girl he was thinking about?!

Because the girl sitting at his side wasn't Winry. She was Winnie.

Ed swallowed the swear hanging at the back of his throat and instead pressed his left hand against his forehead, leaning forward to rest on his knees.

"Do you think it was another heart attack?" Winnie said, and Ed fought to urge to let out a bitter laugh.

"No. No, it definitely wasn't another fucking heart attack."

"Well, Noah said you were feeling pain in your arm before you fell, and—"

"Pain in my right arm, Win- nie," Ed said, snapping his head up to look at her, hesitating just barely too long between the syllables of her name. "I know heart attacks, it's pain in your left because that's closer to your heart. And besides, pain in an aut- prosthetic arm is normal. It's not really a sign of the circulation going bad if there's no circulation to begin with."

Winnie's lips tightened into a thin line, and she raised an eyebrow. "So you think you just passed out because the pain in your amputated arm got too intense?"

Ed's first instinct was to protest, to explain that he'd managed to stay conscious through pain a million times worse, of course a bout of phantom pains wasn't enough to make him fall to his knees in pain. But if he protested, of course the next question from her lips would be wondering what had made him pass out if it wasn't a heart attack and also wasn't from phantom pain. And he would have to find another explanation that she would accept, that wouldn't completely crush the other two people currently hovering above him.

"Yeah," Ed said, trying not to wince as he swallowed the lie. "Yeah, it was probably just that I passed out from the pain getting too intense."

He didn't miss the way Al made eye contact with him, raising an eyebrow. Even without saying a word, Ed knew exactly what was being said.

We're supposed to believe that bullshit?

Fucking Elric telepathy coming back to bite him in the ass.

"Maybe we should cancel dinner tonight," Winnie said, looking over to Al as if she were expecting better clarification from him than from Ed. "I mean, he's clearly not feeling well."

"Yeah," Al said, crossing his arms over his chest, still staring directly at Ed. "He's not usually like this."

Ed almost wanted to snap that Al hardly even was an expert on what Ed was usually like, considering that not every single thing about him and Sylvan was the same, anyway. Al was operating entirely on the expectations someone else had built, which hardly seemed fair to Ed. But what was he even supposed to say when Winnie didn't even know he was a different soul than the person who was usually in that body?

"I'm fine," Ed growled, trying to give Al the what-do-you-think-you're-doing head tilt and nostril flare. Al rolled his eyes and did that little self-satisfied smirk that he always did when he knew he was winning an argument.

"I'm fine," he repeated, trying to sound more convincing this time. "I just need to rest for a bit. Dinner can still happen."

Winnie hesitated, her eyes flickering between him and Al. "Are you sure?"

Ed nodded, plastering on a fake smile that felt entirely too saccharine, his resolve hardening. He needed the distraction, the semblance of normalcy that the evening promised. It was a chance to pretend, if only for a few hours, that everything was alright. "It'll be good for me to get out."

Al's eyes narrowed at Ed's sudden change in demeanor, but he didn't push the issue any further. Instead, he helped Ed to his feet while Winnie gathered up their things. Noah stayed back, her expression still one of concern, but Ed couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze. It was as if there was a thick wall of glass between the two of them, making her feel like a blurry impression of a person even though she was right in front of him.

When they finally stepped out from the hotel lobby, the world was covered in a layer of white snow that almost seemed as if it were glowing in the early moonlight. Snow was still falling, invisible except for where the snowflakes danced in the glow of the street lamps. It would have been a beautiful scene if it weren't for the memories of the Gate still twisting in Ed's stomach, or the way he almost felt like he could still hear Sylvan whispering on the wind.

"I'm sorry. Sometimes, there just isn't any... equivalence. Sometimes, you just end up with the crappy ending."

Al and Winnie ended up taking the lead, partially because Ed didn't remember the way to Else's and he didn't want to look ridiculous for it. But Noah kept pace with him, leaving Al and Winnie to walk slightly ahead, Ed just barely unable to catch what they were leaning towards one another to speak about.

"You would never faint from phantom pain."

Noah's voice was low and quiet, but it was impossible for Ed not to hear her. He whipped his head around to stare at her, but she simply kept staring at the road just ahead of her as she walked, avoiding his gaze. "I've seen inside Ed's memories," she continued in a low tone. "I know exactly how much it hurts to reattach automail. And I've also seen him reattach his arm and keep going as if it were no more than a pebble to kick out of his shoe."

"I don't want to talk about it," Ed said, his voice low and clipped.

Noah stopped walking, turning to face him with a glare on her face. "You don't get to dictate what we talk about, Ed. Not when you're keeping secrets from us."

Ed's throat tightened at her words. He had been trying so hard to keep up the facade of being okay, but it seemed like everyone around him could see right through it. He wondered if it was just because they knew him too well or if he was really that transparent.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ed snapped, his tone defensive. "I'm not keeping any secrets. I'm fine."

"Really?" Noah said, though something about the way she said it made it sound less like a question and more like she was being sarcastic. She reached out toward his shoulder, and with the way the conversation had been going, it felt less like she was trying to comfort him and more like a deliberate move to touch him, to figure out just what he was hiding from her. Ed danced away from her outstretched fingers, and Noah's eyes darkened.

"No secrets, huh?" she said, her tone low and hard around the edges. "So if you're not keeping secrets, then what, you're not letting me touch you because you hate me now? What, did the dancehall make you realize you don't want to associate with gyp—"

"No!" Ed snapped, feeling bile in the back of his throat. He had only ever heard that word come out from hateful people, spat in Noah's direction as if it were a curse. It felt entirely different to hear it coming from her, as if she were saying that the attitude people had when they used that word was the same way Ed saw her. "Noah, I would never think... Gah! Why would you even think I would—"

"Because you're avoiding me like a hot poker," Noah said, her lips tightening. "And the only reason I've seen people do that is because of secrets or hate. If you're not keeping secrets, then..."

Ed groaned and threw his hands in the air. "So what, if I ever don't feel like being touched, you're going to assume I hate you? That's fucked up, Noah!"

"If you just didn't want to be touched, I would know the instant I touched you and I'd give you space," she said, crossing her arms over her chest as she glared at him. "Maybe it is fucked up to think that anyone who avoids me hates me and wants nothing to do with me, but I didn't learn that lesson from nowhere. Everyone my entire life has made it clear exactly what they think of my 'gift,' even if they try to claim to my face that they love me and don't have ill will behind avoiding my touch. At least my Ed understood that."

Something about the way she claimed Sylvan as hers made his gut twist in a knot, as if she were disowning him right to his face. Ed clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth, his fists balling up at his sides. He didn't even know what to say to her anymore. He didn't want to hurt her, but he couldn't handle her accusations either. He was just so tired, tired of pretending that everything was okay, tired of holding onto his secrets. But he couldn't let them go either, not yet.

"Hey, are you two coming?" Al's voice calling out to them snapped the two of them out of the conversation, and when Ed looked up, he noticed that Al and Winnie were almost an entire block ahead of them. He turned back to Noah to try and say something before they had to rejoin the group, but she was already tossing her hair over her shoulder and briskly walking to catch up with the other two, not even catching Ed's eye as she walked away from him. Ed sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets, scuffing his own feet at the sidewalk as he hurried to catch up.

This time, when they started walking again, Noah kept pace with Al and Winnie, and Ed was left alone with his thoughts at the back of the group.

As they walked, Ed couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy as he watched the way Noah laughed and joked with Al and Winnie. Ed couldn't help but feel like he was being torn in two different directions. He wanted to open up to Noah, to tell her everything that was weighing on him, but at the same time, he couldn't shake the feeling that doing so would only hurt her more. She had already been through so much, and he didn't want to burden her with his own problems. So instead, he kept his mouth shut, his thoughts churning inside his head as he walked in silence.

The streets were mostly empty, save for a few people rushing to get home from work or others out for a late night stroll. The snow made everything quiet, covering everything in a hushed blanket of white. Ed felt a sense of calm wash over him, and he took a deep breath, trying to shake off the tension from his argument with Noah.

But he couldn't shake off the feeling of guilt that had settled heavily on his chest. Guilt for keeping secrets from his closest friends, guilt for pretending like everything was okay when it wasn't. But most of all, guilt for making Noah ever feel like he saw her the same way everyone else saw her.

Casamir and Else's house was small, but the windows glowed in the cold night, looking inviting and cozy in the snow. Ed followed the other three up the small set of stairs leading to the front door, gripping the handrail to make sure his automail foot didn't slip on the snow-covered stairs. He assumed that the person who answered the door must be Casamir, but he hadn't been expecting someone who looked exactly like Scar, aside from the dark hair and smooth face. His expression was hard to read, but Al cracked a wide grin, and Casamir smiled back.

"You made it," he said, reaching out to clap Al's shoulder.

"I'd never pass up the chance for one of your dinners," Al said with a laugh, stomping the snow off his boots before stepping through the door. "Please tell me you made some of your delicious rolls."

"That and more," Casamir said with a low laugh. "A proper goodbye deserves a feast. "There's even pirogo for desert."

"Pirogo?" Noah said as she followed behind Al, her face lighting up in excitement. "I haven't had that in ages! Casamir, you're spoiling us."

Casamir chuckled and gestured for them to follow him further into the house. "It's no trouble at all. Else and I are happy to have all of you here."

Ed hung back, letting the others pass him by as he hesitated at the threshold. He didn't know Casamir or Else very well, and he couldn't help but feel like an outsider in their home. But the smell of cooking food wafting through the air was too tempting to resist, and he finally stepped inside, breathing in deeply.

The living room was small but cozy, with worn, comfortable-looking furniture arranged around a large fireplace. The rest of the house felt similarly lived-in and warm, with mismatched dishes and crockery in the kitchen and a sense of familiarity that made Ed feel oddly comforted. He was just peeling off his coat when Casamir caught his eye.

"Edward, Alphonse, can I talk with you both for a moment?" he said, his tone serious. Ed swallowed, feeling like his heart had suddenly dropped to his feet. Was Casamir somehow privy to the secret he had been so desperate to keep hidden?

"Is everything alright?" Ed said, his heart pounding in his chest.

Casamir only raised an eyebrow and beckoned for the boys to follow him. Ed and Al exchanged a quick glance before following the older man down a hallway and into a small study. Ed couldn't help but feel a sense of unease settle over him. Was Casamir going to grill him about his secrets? He tried to push the thought out of his mind as they entered the small space, but his nerves were already frayed.

"What's up?" Al asked, looking equally confused.

Casamir took a deep breath before speaking, his expression serious. "Else told me you two are leaving the country. I wanted to give you boys a little something before you leave our company."

From his pocket, Casamir produced two small gold earrings, intricately designed and glinting in the lamplight. "This is a Roma custom," he explained, holding the earrings out to them. "We give these to young men who are leaving so that if anything happens, they have a little gold on them to ensure a proper funeral."

Ed stared at the earrings, feeling a strange mix of emotions. He hadn't realized Casamir was Roma like Noah, wasn't even sure if that meant that Else was also Roma. Their faces were so familiar to him that he hadn't even thought to question the fact that a person couldn't possibly be an Ishvallan in this world. And he knew enough from the time he had spent around Noah to know that Casamir sharing a piece of Roma tradition was no small thing. It was the sort of gift that Ed could never turn down, not when it was clearly so personal.

But on the other hand, the first thought that had flitted through Ed's mind at the explanation of the earrings was that it was an awfully morbid custom, to give young travelers a gift that was there solely to make sure they didn't end up rotting in a ditch. But Noah's words from the walk rang in his ears, about how it wasn't ridiculous to think that everyone hated her when she'd been faced with that reality every day of her life. That was the reality of what it meant to be Roma, one of the only ways Casamir knew to protect people he cared about.

"Thank you, Casamir," Al said, his voice quiet but sincere. He took one of the earrings, turning it over in his fingers with a quiet reverence. "This means a lot to us."

Ed hesitated, his fingers hovering above the offered gift. He contemplated the morbid implications behind it and wondered if accepting such a token would only serve to solidify the fate he had been dreading. But as he looked into Casamir's earnest eyes, he couldn't bring himself to refuse.

"Thank you," he said quietly, taking the earring with a small nod. "But... You do realize neither of us has pierced ears, right?"

"Oh, yeah," Al said, his eyebrows screwing up into a frown. "I don't suppose you know how to pierce ears, do you, Casamir?"

Ed blinked and looked over at Al. He hadn't expected Al, of all people, to be the sort of person willing to jump into an impulsive ear piercing without even giving it a second thought. Al hardly seemed like the sort of guy who would ever have his ears pierced, let alone someone who would decide to get their ear pierced on the spot after being given earrings. That was Winry's thing, not Al's.

"I knew you two don't have pierced ears," Casamir said, one side of his mouth quirking upwards. "Of course, I'll pierce your ear, Alphonse. What about you, Edward?"

Ed swallowed, turning the earring over and over between his fingers, trying to figure out how to answer. Was he even allowed to get a piercing? It was Sylvan's life, after all, and piercings weren't something that could just be scrubbed away with soap and water.

"I'm not sure," Ed murmured, running his thumb over the golden band.

"Well, you'll have time to decide while Al's getting his," Casamir said, patting Ed's knee as he stood up.

With that, Casamir exited the room, leaving Ed and Al alone with their earrings. It was strange to see someone with Scar's face having such a gentle and almost parental attitude towards him. Mei had always lectured Ed about how he didn't know Scar as well as he thought he did, but Ed hadn't exactly thought that she'd meant there was a man like this hiding under the gruff exterior Ed had always seen.

Al held his earring up to his and shook his head, as if he were trying to imagine what it would feel like once it was attached to him. But then he seemed to notice the quiet way Ed was staring at his own earring, and Al set the earring down with a sigh.

"You don't have to just because I'm doing it," Al said quietly.

"I know."

Ed closed his left hand over the earring, and the feeling of it poking against his skin was familiar, reminding him of when he had once desperately clenched onto a fistful of earrings, telling himself he had to get home as long as he had her earrings with him. He had held onto those earrings as if they were some sort of talisman that would protect him from anything he encountered, like a guiding light that would always pull him back to Winry, no matter how much the world fell apart.

He tightened his grip around the earring, thinking back to how just a couple days ago, he had been trying to convince Sylvan that there wasn't a point to them trying to get home, that it was too dangerous. When exactly had he stopped being the guy who pulled a rebar out of his own midsection just to return some earrings and started being the guy who refused to even try?

And if he had thought this was the right path, why did it suddenly hurt so damn much? 

"I'm a fucking idiot," he muttered.

"I mean, sure," Al said with a snort. "But what exactly did you do this time?"

"I..." Ed started, then swallowed the lump in his throat. "I tried to tell him not to go home. I... I just gave up on trying to get home to Winry. To the kids. Why the fuck would I ever say that?"

Because.

Because he had seen what could happen when people tried to fight death. Because he didn't want to ever see another Promised Day happen. Because he had always promised that he would never let his grief consume him so entirely that he acted without thinking about what he could lose again.

Because he was scared.

Because he ran.

Ed swallowed another lump in his throat. Damn that bastard for being right. Damn him knowing Ed better than he knew himself. And then another thought occurred to Ed.

He knows how to call out running because he did the same thing. Where do you think you learned to run in the first place?

"Are you okay?" Al said, snapping Ed out of his spiral of thoughts. Ed swallowed again and realized that a couple of tears had slipped out of his eyes as he'd been thinking, and he wiped at them with the closed fist that still held the earring.

"I tried so fucking hard to fight it, and I still became him," Ed said, his voice nearly a whisper as he looked up at Al. "What kind of monster tries to give up on getting home to his kids?"

Al's face crumpled as he looked at Ed, and he reached out to grip Ed's left arm.

"You're not a monster," Al said softly, and Ed scoffed. Al gave his arm another squeeze. "You're not."

"What makes you so sure? You were so mad the other day when you found out—"

"Because Brother tried to leave me behind once too," Al said, cutting Ed's words off. 

A long moment passed over them as Ed took in the words, frowning at Al. He wasn't even entirely sure if Al meant that it was the reason why he didn't think Ed was a monster, or if it was the reason why he'd gotten so mad the other day. Ed wasn't sure if it really mattered, anyway. He'd heard a fair amount about Sylvan and Al's journey and how it was different from him and his Al, but he hadn't heard anything about Sylvan leaving Al behind. Finally, after taking in a slow breath. Al looked up, his expression pained. 

"When he first went to Germany, it was an accident," Al started, fidgeting and picking at the dirt under his fingernails as he spoke. "It was lucky he managed to live at all, really. And he was pretty desperate to get back to me. I guess partially because he never even knew whether I'd actually gotten my body back." 

Ed winced at the thought of being stuck in a completely different world with completely new people and not even knowing that Al wasn't still stuck in that damn suit of armor. 

"He was so focused on getting me back, I was so focused on getting him back..." Al continued, frowning and shaking his head. "There were... People tried..." 

"The Al of this world gave his life making sure Brother could come back to Amestris," Al finally said, his voice nearly a whisper. "And I... There will forever be a section in Amestrian history books detailing a body count that partially only exists because of me. We were lucky we managed to stop it from becoming an interdimensional war."

Ed's thoughts flicked back to the Promised Day of his own world, of the number of people who had fallen, despite all their best efforts to try and stop the tragedy from happening in the first place. He frowned and reached out. "Al..."

"And in the middle of all of that, after only getting five minutes to even talk with him after spending two years apart, he went and immediately tried to fuck off back to Germany without me," Al said, letting out a small, bitter laugh. Ed wondered if Sylvan and Al had ever even talked about these feelings. With the way Al's words were raw and his eyes were red with unshed tears... Ed thought maybe not. 

This... This was the piece Ed had known was missing from all the stories he'd been told so far about everything Sylvan and Al had been through. He'd known there was something missing, something that somehow had to be worse than admitting to the fact that Sylvan had died. But he never would have guessed that the missing piece would end up being Al admitting that his brother had tried to leave him behind. 

"You Eds all seem to have this problem in common, no matter where you come from," Al continued. "You all think you're some sort of... curse. Someone who does nothing but hurt everyone around you."

Ed swallowed a lump in his throat, looking down at the floor instead of at Al. He knew that Al was right. He had always felt like he was cursed, like he brought nothing but pain and destruction wherever he went. And now, as he looked at the earring in his hand, he couldn't help but think that maybe he was right. Maybe he was a monster.

"Your worst fear isn't that you'll become dad, it's that you're already just like him." Al continued, his own voice thick with emotion. "So sometimes... Sometimes you act like him, even though that seems counter-intuitive. Because you think you're already like him, so the damage is already done. Because you think that putting distance between yourself and the people you love is the only way to protect us from this... monster you think is hiding inside you." 

Ed went silent, staring at Al with wide eyes, feeling like he couldn't even speak. He was scared of what could end up spilling out of his mouth if he even opened it to breathe. 

"Look, I don't know everything that happened with your dad compared to ours," Al pressed, "But our dad wasn't a monster. I know you don't like it when I say it, but he wasn't a monster. He was a human. A human who made mistakes. He wasn't a perfect dad, but no one is. We're all just humans trying to do our best with the little bit of information was have, and sometimes the information is faulty. Sometimes it's based on something that isn't true, or sometimes it's something we only learned because of the terrifying lessons we've learned in life. Mistakes don't make you a monster." 

Ed frowned, thinking about how mistakes had ended up leading to all of Xerxes being destroyed. Could it still be counted as something as simple as a mistake if entire lives were lost when someone else decided not to think?

"I don't know about that one, Al," Ed muttered. "That seems like a clever way for people to slip out of responsibility whenever something goes wrong." 

"I wasn't talking about every other person ever," Al said with a roll of his eyes. "I was talking about you. And you blame yourself too much. You put too much weight on mistakes you made when you didn't know better, or when you were reacting out of trauma, or when there wasn't any good choice. If Noah and I both don't hold it against you, then there's not really any reason for you to keep smacking yourself over the head for making a mistake." 

Ed was silent for a long moment, his jaw tight.

"What about Winry?" he finally murmured. Al frowned. 

"What do you mean?" 

"You and Noah don't hold it against me- I mean, him," Ed said with a frown. "Obviously, he ended up not leaving you behind. But what about Winry? He left her behind, didn't he? What if she still holds that against him? What if she's forever heartbroken because..."

Because I didn't try harder. 

Because he didn't try harder, Ed mentally corrected. He could at least pretend they were still talking about how Sylvan had left Winry behind. 

Al sighed heavily, looking down at the ground. "I don't know, Ed. Life is complicated. We so often want to find the villain when things go wrong, have everything boiled down to who did things wrong and who did things right. And it's never that simple. Just because someone is heartbroken, hell, even if you're the cause of heartbreak, it doesn't automatically mean you're a monster. Sometimes there isn't a right decision. We can't hold that against people and say they're a monster when they didn't have any other options."

"But..." Ed frowned and licked his lips. "If people always make the decision that seems the best based on their life experience so far, and we can't blame them for making a bad decision when they couldn't see any other option, then... doesn't that just mean no one is a monster?"

"I don't know. Maybe no one is," Al said with a quiet shrug. "I caused a natural disaster that killed hundreds—if not thousands—of people. Scar killed a bunch of people. But I'm also only alive because of him. We thought of Hughes as a hero, but we never really acknowledged the role he played in the Ishvallan war. It's kind of wild how similar supposed 'heroes' and 'monsters' look, really. The only difference between something done 'for the greater good,' and 'senseless violence' seems to be who writes the history books. And the history books..." 

"...Are written by the winners," Ed finished with a frown.

Ed wanted to dig deeper into the uncomfortable idea that there wasn't any such thing as heroes or monsters, wanted to ask more questions of Al and see what other insights he had. It was strange to see Al so comfortable with his own darkness in this world, and while it terrified Ed on one level, it also fascinated him on another. But before he could ask more questions, Casamir was coming back into the office with a tray of supplies. 

"So, Edward, have you decided what you want?" Casamir asked. 

And then it suddenly hit him. Why exactly was he worrying so much about Sylvan's preferences in the matter, anyway? The man had fucking consumed Alkahest. If he managed to get home at all, then his ear having an extra hole would probably be the least of Sylvan's concerns. 

And, well, if he never did come home, then... Ed was going to still be stuck here, living Sylvan's life. Why not make some decisions for himself? 

Besides, Sylvan had gone and ingested Alkahest back in Ed's body. An earring piercing hardly compared. 

"Yeah," Ed said, tightening his fist around the earring and letting it poke into his palm. "I actually... I was wondering if you'd be willing to give me a couple extra stabs, while you're at it." 

Casamir grinned. "I'm sure Else has some spare earrings she doesn't want anymore." 

Ed took a deep breath, feeling a new sense of determination washing over him. As he looked down at the earring in his hand, he realized that it wasn't just about the earring anymore. It was about making a decision for himself, about taking control of his life. It was about not letting his past mistakes define him or hold him back.

"Let's do this," Ed said, feeling a determined fire just barely starting to burn down in his toes, an old familiar feeling that it seemed like he hadn't felt in forever.

When Casamir finished, Al had one simple gold hoop in his left ear, while Ed had two hoops, one on each ear and two studs higher up, on his cartilage. The same pattern he'd gotten used to seeing on Winry for so many years. He needed a way to carry her with him, a way to remind himself that he couldn't give up on finding a way home, a way to remind himself that the two of them would never stop loving one another. No matter how many worlds were between them.

"Thank you so much, Casamir," Al said, turning his head side to side as he admired himself in a handheld mirror, light catching on the small gold hoop. 

"Of course," Casamir said with a nod. "You two are family. And speaking of family, I have one more gift for you, Edward." He then reached beneath the desk and produced another item, this one wrapped in cloth. As he held the wrapped item out to Ed, he pulled aside the cloth, revealing a wine bottle with a necklace of coins wrapped around its neck. 

"It's an old Roma custom," he explained as Ed took the bottle with a questioning glance. "The father of the groom provides this during an engagement. The groom drapes the necklace over his love to show she's engaged. The coins and wine are supposed to bring luck and prosperity. I set it aside when I first found out that both you and Noah have lost your parents; thought it would be nice for you two to not feel like you were missing... Well, traditions are nice. But I forgot to count on just how stubborn of a mule you really are, so I've been holding on to this long enough that by Roma standards, you two were already married long ago, and you still haven't had the guts to propose. So I figured I might as well give it to you as a going away present, or I might not be able to ever give it to you two." 

Ed felt his cheeks flaming with a bright red blush, and he fought the urge to hide his face. He couldn't believe Casamir had just given him a damn engagement gift. Of course he had. Sylvan's feelings for Noah were so fucking obvious that even Ed had been able to see it, even when Sylvan couldn't. Sylvan had probably been the only one at all who hadn't seen it. 

"Thank you, Casamir," Al said, interrupting Ed's thoughts. "That's really sweet of you."

"Uh, thank you, Casamir," Ed echoed, feeling like his voice was a little too hoarse. "I'll... I'll talk to Noah about it."

Casamir's grin widened. "Good. That girl lights up like the sun when she's around you, and life is too short not to spend it with the people you love."

Ed reached up to tug at his freshly pierced ear with a frown.

"Yeah, that's for damn sure," he muttered. 

As they left the office to rejoin the women, Ed made sure to carefully rewrap the wine bottle in the cloth, tucking it under his arm in a way that he hoped would draw as little attention to it as possible. He didn't want to have to try and explain its meaning. Not yet. And certainly not in front of Winnie. A trail of laughter followed as he entered the living room, clutching the wine bottle tightly against his side The soft glow of candlelight danced across the wooden surfaces, casting warm shadows on Else, Winnie, and Noah as they chatted, Winnie waving her hands animatedly as she spoke. Ed hesitated in the doorway for a moment, smiling as he watched Al show off his new earring, Winnie grabbing him by the cheeks so she could twist his head into a position where she could see his ear more clearly. 

"What about you, Ed?" Noah said, turning with a laugh. "Did Casamir pierce your ear too?" 

"This boy is too much of a rebel for his own good," Casamir said, clapping Ed on the back with a laugh. "He asked me to not only pierce his ear once, but four times!" 

Ed felt his right hand drift halfway up to his ear, like he was unconsciously trying to hide it as Noah turned to look at him. It was just a piercing, it was his body and he was allowed to do whatever he wanted with it, he told himself. He had nothing to hide, no reason to hide. His hand froze in midair, as if he were stuck between whether he should or shouldn't be hiding his ear from Noah. He could tell she recognized the piercing pattern the instant she saw it, her face tightening and eyes becoming distant. He wanted to snap at her that he didn't have anything to feel guilty for, that it was just earrings, and besides, Winry was technically his wife. He wasn't supposed to feel guilty about loving his wife. If anything, he should be feeling more guilty about the wine bottle in his hand than the earrings. 

But something about the shattered expression on Noah's face made him feel guilty all the same. 

"It looks good," she said with a soft smile, averting her eyes. 

Ed rubbed the back of his neck with a frown. He hated how often he felt guilty just because he'd reminded Noah that he wasn't Sylvan. It wasn't fair. He wasn't Sylvan. It was ridiculous how often he felt terrible just because she'd remembered he wasn't Sylvan or remembered he was married to Winry in his world. It wasn't like it was his fault that he couldn't be Sylvan. He couldn't even pretend to be Sylvan, not when all it took was for her to touch him to know he was lying. 

Granted, he could also tell that she'd been doing her best not to take any of that out on him. She just happened to wear her heart on her sleeve. He supposed that was her way of trying to even the playing field a little more, to let the people she cared about see as easily into her mind as she could see into theirs. 

At the thought of that, his heart sank a little. She knew he'd been avoiding her touch because he was keeping secrets from her, but she hadn't closed herself off because of that. She was still letting him in, even if he wasn't letting her in. 

Goddammit, why did he feel so guilty over things that weren't his fault?

"Come on, everyone," Else said as she stood up and held her arms out in the direction of the dining room. "Now that the boys are done, we should eat before the food gets cold."

The smell of stew filled Ed's nostrils, and his stomach growled hungrily. Casamir brought a basket of freshly baked bread out from the kitchen, setting it in the middle of the table. As they all sat down around it for dinner, Casamir passed each of them a bowl of stew and a roll while Else handed out spoons and napkins. Ed smiled gratefully as he accepted his bowl with a low mumble of thanks.

He was seated next to Noah, with Else on her other side, and he noticed as Else passed Noah food that she made no attempt to avoid their fingers brushing as Noah grabbed the bowl. He wondered if it was that Else and Casamir didn't know about Noah's abilities, or if they actually did know and didn't care. It seemed so rare to run into people who genuinely didn't care, but Noah also seemed relaxed around Else and Casamir in a way that he hadn't seen when she was interacting with Winnie. Maybe they did know. Casamir had mentioned something about having saved the wine bottle for a while, after all. 

"Oh, did you hear about the commotion at the dance hall earlier?" Casamir said as he pulled a roll out from the bread basket. "People seemed awfully riled up about something to do with Roma. It'd probably be better if you laid low until you left town." 

Ed slunk down in his seat. "Yeah, that... That was probably because of me, actually. I might've... broken a guy's nose." 

The conversation around the table halted, everyone seeming to freeze as they looked over at Ed. Everyone, at least, except for Noah, who knew exactly what had happened, and had ducked her head down as she focused on buttering a roll. 

"Why would you break someone's nose?" Al said, though his tone sounded more tired than surprised. "You shouldn't be throwing yourself into dangerous situations like that when you're supposed to be recovering from your heart attack." 

"Heart attack?" Else repeated, her eyebrows shooting up as she looked from Al over to Ed. 

"Look, it's not like I go around trying to cause fights, like I think it's some sort of game or something," Ed said with a scowl. "He was threatening Noah. He said we were going to cheat in the competition just because she's... She's..." Ed trailed off as he looked over at Noah, his anger melting into a sad frown. She didn't look up from buttering her roll, her hair falling in front of her face and obscuring her expression.  

"And let me guess," Al said with a sigh. "He probably called you short when you stuck up for Noah." 

"No," Ed snapped, spinning back to look at Al with a scowl. He paused as he thought back over to what had happened at the dancehall. "Well. He did say that liars are short for some reason, but that's not why I punched him—" 

"Lies have short legs," Al said with a deep sigh. "He didn't say liars are short, he probably just said lies have short legs. It just means that you can't get very far on lies." 

"Oh." Ed wrinkled his nose. "Still, we're not liars—"

"The man was intentionally trying to antagonize him," Noah said, reaching out to put a hand on Ed's forearm. He flinched involuntarily, pulling back and almost knocking over his bowl of stew. He could see the hurt in Noah's eyes as she froze and then pulled her hand away from him, saw the silent way Else and Casamir exchanged glances over the interaction. Noah turned back to her stew, pushing it around the bowl with her spoon. "He made it clear that we wouldn't be welcome at the dance competition. Ed was just trying to protect me." 

Winnie frowned, her fingers tapping restlessly against the tablecloth. "Are they even going to still let you compete?" 

"I don't know," Noah said softly, staring into her bowl of soup. "I don't know if we should, even if they let us."

"Well, I don't want to participate if you're not doing it," Winnie said, her frown deepening as she took a spoonful of her own soup. "It hardly seems fair. They should be banning that man who's threatening you." 

There was a long moment of silence before Else finally spoke up with a sigh. 

"Maybe things are different in America," she said in a low tone. "Especially for a... girl of your class. But this is the reality we have to deal with here. I'm just glad no one was hurt." 

She then reached out to grab Noah's hand where it sat on the table, and Ed just knew from the way Else smiled at Noah that she and Casamir absolutely knew what it meant to touch her. They just weren't afraid of Noah or anything she would see in their minds. As they finished their dinner, Ed couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that gnawed at him. Even when she was just trying to comfort him, he had to go and hurt her even further by jerking away from her touch. He glanced over at her and saw the way she was picking at her food, her brow furrowed in thought. He knew he had to make it right somehow.

"W-We should still enter the competition, though, right, Brother?" Al said, his eyes wide as he gave Ed a small kick under the table. His voice strained with a frantic urgency that made Ed's heart sink. Of course Al was worrying about the competition. The whole point of staying for the competition was to buy enough time that Sylvan would be able to work out a way for them to switch back. But that didn't seem like much of a possibility, now that Sylvan had ingested Alkahest. If he wasn't already dead, then he probably didn't have much time. Ed found himself absently wondering if he would somehow be able to feel it when the Alkahest completely consumed Sylvan, or if it would feel just as ordinary as it had since he'd woken up on the floor of the hotel lobby. Would it technically being his body tie him to it in any way? Would his body try to pull him back when it happened? Would it hurt?

"It doesn't really matter anymore, Al," Ed muttered, pushing a piece of cabbage around his soup. 

He could feel the way Al wanted to protest that, could feel how Al wanted to scream and shout at Ed until he got some sense into him. Even though he didn't know that there wasn't really any extra sense that could be smacked into Ed. If Al knew what they were up against, he would probably feel the same sort of hopeless dread that had slowly been settling over Ed's shoulders like a thick blanket. But Al had always been the better one at keeping up appearances in public, so he didn't scream, or cry, or demand an explanation from Ed. Instead, his lips tightened and he went silent, focusing on his soup. 

Casamir and Else, to their credit, seemed to understand that something deeper was going on, while also understanding that prodding at the sore spot would only end in an explosion of unpleasant emotions. So despite the dark triangle that seemed to flicker on its path between Al, Ed, and Noah, Casamir straightened in his seat. 

"Well then, let's just enjoy the meal and not talk about anything too heavy, hm?" Casamir said, his jovial tone lightening the mood. "You all need a proper send-off before you set out on the dangerous journey ahead, you don't need us weighing you down with how sad we'll be to not have you around anymore."

Ed couldn't help but smile weakly at Casamir's attempt to lift the tension. He knew they were just trying to help, but it still felt like a bandage on a gaping wound. It was hard to even fathom enjoying a meal when he was facing the very real possibility that maybe he would never find a way home. But he still couldn't bring himself to tell Noah and Al what was going on with Sylvan, not yet. So he let the conversation turn to lighter topics, let himself fall into the easy comfort of being around friends and eating delicious food. But even as they laughed and joked, Ed couldn't shake the feeling of dread that settled in his stomach like a stone.

Snow was still falling when they finally left the house later that night, having accumulated to a thick blanket that crunched under their feet as they walked back to the hotel. If he hadn't had so much on his mind, Ed probably would have enjoyed how picturesque it was, how the world felt dark and peaceful like something out of a storybook. 

As they made their way through the snow, Ed couldn't help but think about Sylvan and the Alkahest. He couldn't shake off the feeling that something was very wrong, and the fact that he hadn't felt anything yet made him feel even more anxious. He wished he could just go back to their room and sleep, escape from the world for just a little while. But how much of an escape was sleep, really, when it just meant he'd be confronted with the Gate? Not to mention Sylvan. Or worse, the absence of Sylvan?

"Hey, Ed," Winnie said, and when he looked up, he vaguely realized she was holding a fresh handful of snow. She flashed him a wicked grin. "I think you need to chill out."

And with that, she was reaching for him, pulling back the collar of his coat so she could shove the snow down the back of his shirt. Ed yelped at the sudden intrusion, his fingers scrabbling backward as if he would somehow be able to pull the snow back out after the damage had already been done. Noah and Al both cracked up as they watched the scene unfold, Ed suddenly whirling on Winnie. 

"Oh, you're gonna pay for that," he growled, reaching down to grab his own handful of snow. Winnie laughed, a high, playful sound that scattered around them as she danced away from Ed. 

"You'll have to catch me first!" she called out in a singsong voice, and Ed couldn't help but remember a thousand other snow days from his childhood that had gone a similar way. There was something about the simple, childlike joy of playing in the snow that made the heavy thoughts on his mind feel a little lighter, if only for a moment. 

But as they rounded the corner, their laughter faltered, snuffed out like a candle in a sudden gust of wind. There, leaning against a lamppost, his face bruised and swollen from their earlier encounter, was Zimmerman. A half-empty bottle dangled loosely from his hand, and the stench of alcohol and bitterness rolled off him like fog.

"Look who it is," Zimmerman slurred, his eyes narrowing as he fixed his gaze on Ed. "The little freak who broke my nose."

Ed tensed, instinctively stepping to the front of the group, as if he could make himself into some sort of shield between the people he loved and the volatile man who had already caused enough damage for one day. There was something deeply unsettling about the dark look in Zimmerman's eyes. He had already been enough of a wild card earlier at the dancehall, but Ed could tell as he looked at Zimmerman now that that had been the man when he was holding himself back, when he had reservations. Reservations that seemed to have disappeared in the hours since. 

And that terrified Ed. 

"Zimmerman," he said, his voice cold and steady. "We've had enough trouble for one day. Just let us pass."

"Or what?" Zimmerman sneered, taking an unsteady step forward. His face was more of a mess than Ed would have expected. Even though Zimmerman had obviously cleaned the blood off, his nose still sat in an awkward, crooked way, and his eye looked like it had also swollen a little bit from the scuffle. "You'll break something else? You think you're so tough, don't you?"

Ed's fingers itched for alchemy in a way he hadn't felt in years. How he wished he could just wrap Zimmerman up in a stone hand or throw a wall between them and the danger. But that spark had been gone for years, even if this world somehow had access to alchemy. He swallowed a lump in his throat and stared down Zimmerman. 

"I don't want to fight you," Ed said in a low tone. 

"Like hell you don't," Zimmerman spat. A hole appeared in the snow where he'd spit, as if it were acid eating through metal. "What happened earlier wasn't no damn fight. You ran. Like the fucking coward you are. You don't want to have a real fight, cause you know you'd lose." 

Ed's blood boiled at Zimmerman's words and he ground his teeth. The bottle Casamir had given him was heavy in his hand, and for a second, Ed considered simply cracking the bottle open over Zimmerman's head. He wanted nothing more than to wipe the sneer off the man's face, to show him what a real fight looked like. But he knew he couldn't risk it. Not with Noah and Winnie there. Fighting a drunken man who was looking for a fight wouldn't solve anything, even if Ed was itching for something to take his feelings out on. 

"I don't want to fight you," Ed repeated, his voice firm and unwavering. 

"Brother..." Al said, his voice both a warning and question in one. Ed glanced around where Al was looking, and suddenly he could see the dark shadows of men hiding around corners and in alleyways. More than he could count. More than they possibly had a chance against without alchemy. 

And through it all, he could feel Noah at his back, practically shaking with fear. She was the one most likely to get hurt through all of this, unable to defend herself like Ed, but too visibly a foreigner for them to let her go without teaching her a lesson. 

"You take Winnie. Meet back at the hotel," Ed hissed, flicking his gaze back to Al. The younger Elric's face was hard, and he gave a sharp nod. Zimmerman seemed to realize he was losing his upper hand, and he let out a yell that had men jumping out from the shadows, lunging at the group. 

Ed only had a second to try and steel his thoughts, to try and push away any thoughts of Sylvan and Alkahest that might still be lurking there before he reached out and grabbed Noah's wrist, dragging her behind him as he and Al darted in opposite directions. 

Somehow, this was just always where his life seemed to end up, Ed thought bitterly to himself. No matter how far he traveled, no matter how different each world was, somehow it always came down to him running through darkened streets from someone who wanted him dead. 

Buildings rushed past them in a blur, their feet scrabbling against the slick snow-covered streets as they ran. Snowflakes swirled around their movement, almost reminding Ed of the way alchemy had once swirled around him in a similar way. Noah's feet slipped in the snow, and Ed grunted as he steadied her, using his weight to keep her on her feet. 

Ed found himself lost in a place in-between lifetimes, a place where he wasn't quite Kai or Sylvan. He was just Ed, running for his life through cobblestone streets as he'd done a thousand times before. The more he ran, the more it seemed to come back to him, his footsteps becoming more sure and he ducked and wove through tight passageways. 

"Are we losing them?" Noah asked, her voice shaky as she glanced over her shoulder. Her eyes were wide with fear, her face pale beneath the moonlight.

"I think so," Ed replied, straining to hear any signs of Zimmerman and his friends. The sound of their footfalls had faded into the distance, swallowed by the night. He allowed himself a brief moment of hope. "Let's keep going, just a little further."

"Isn't the hotel this way, though?" Noah said, looking in the opposite direction Ed was facing. He frowned and glanced at her path before looking back at his. 

"No, it's definitely this way," he muttered, pulling Noah after him. 

He had a flash of déjà vu he couldn't quite place, like he could just barely remember another time when he'd dragged Noah behind him as they ran from dangerous men who wanted to hurt her just because of the color of her skin. But then he shook his head, and the feeling was gone as quickly as it had appeared. 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, they found themselves back at the hotel. The building loomed before them, its dark windows offering sanctuary from the chaos that had pursued them. As they slipped through the front door, a wave of relief washed over Ed, though he knew it was only temporary.

"Now what?" Noah said, her chest heaving as she slumped against the wall.

"Now we wait for Al and Winnie," Ed said, eyeing her carefully. He would have assumed that if she had seen anything into his mind about Sylvan and the Alkahest, that it would be the first thing she would bring up. But maybe the chaos of Zimmerman and his men was still too present of a threat for her to focus on anything else. Ed almost wished that he could just ask whether she'd seen it or not, but if she hadn't, that would absolutely give it away.

"I can't wait to get out of Germany," Noah whispered, her eyes slipping shut as she leaned her head back against the wall. "I can't do this anymore. I just want to go somewhere else, someplace where people aren't constantly threatening me and hating me."

Ed wanted to say that he wasn't even sure that would be the case in America, but he bit his tongue. Noah didn't need his pessimism when she was simply wishing for a future where she could exist without conflict. It wouldn't do to spread more fear. They needed to focus on getting to America, where they could hopefully start fresh and leave all this behind. Ed's heart twisted as he looked at her. She looked so small and vulnerable in that moment, her shoulders shaking with the remnants of fear, her fingers splayed out against the wall behind her as if that would stabilize her. 

"Then let's go," Ed said, his voice soft as he looked at her. She snapped her eyes open and stared back at him. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean..." Ed licked his lips and shrugged. "Let's just... go. If they won't let us in the dance tournament anyway, what's the point in staying?" 

"But—" Noah started, but was cut off by a gust of cold wind bursting into the lobby, Winnie and Al following in a cloud of swirling snowflakes. 

"Oh, thank goodness, you're both okay!" Winnie said as she rushed over to Noah. Noah was still staring at Ed, her eyes wide with fear. He dropped his gaze, instead looking over to Al, who seemed to be looking over Ed for any signs of damage from a fight. 

"We're fine," Ed replied shortly, trying to keep his tone even as he looked at Noah again. Something in her eyes seemed off, and for a moment he wondered if maybe she really had caught a glimpse of the memory of Sylvan and Alkahest. Things had been so frantic in the moment that he'd thought maybe she wouldn't, and she'd been responding to him saying they should leave as if she didn't know why he'd suggest that they didn't need to buy time anymore, but... But there was something dark floating in her expression, something he just barely couldn't reach. Something that made him worry that maybe she did know. 

"I sure hope they don't figure out where we're staying," Winnie said, glancing nervously at the front door, as if Zimmerman and his men would burst in any moment. "I don't want to have to outrun them again in the morning." 

Ed nodded. "We need to get out of here as soon as possible. Win, when's the soonest we could leave?" 

"Well, I'd have to pack," Winnie said with a frown. "But... There's someone in town who's going to give us a ride to our next stop. As long as they're still awake, we could maybe even leave tonight." 

"Let's do it," Ed said, his lips tightening into a line. The blood drained from Al's face as he looked frantically between Ed and Noah. 

"But..." Al started, his voice trembling under the weight of unspoken emotions. "Ed, you want to just leave now? I thought you had... business to finish before we left?" 

"Well, clearly I'm not going to get to finish it," Ed said with a scoff. "Every minute we stay is another minute Noah's at risk. There's nothing left for us in Germany anymore. There's no reason to stay." 

Noah's voice was so quiet, it was hardly more than a whisper. "You don't really believe that, do you?" 

Ed's heart stuttered in his chest, and he turned to face Noah fully. Her eyes were fixed on him, deep and searching, and he felt as though she could see right through him. He swallowed thickly, trying to keep his face impassive as he met her gaze. "What do you mean?" he asked, his voice coming out harder than he intended.

Noah's gaze flicked over to Winnie for a brief moment before she looked at Ed again, letting out a quiet sigh. The silence that settled around them felt heavy, like the weight of all their fears and uncertainties pressing down upon them.

"Alright," Noah finally whispered, "Let's go."

"No," Al said, frowning and shaking his head as he looked between the two of them. "No! You can't just give up like this! Why are you giving up on him?! He needs us and you're going to just leave him behind? What's wrong with you?" 

"I'm not giving up," Ed said with a frown and a nervous glance toward Winnie. "But we can't keep having Noah in danger like this, Al. Maybe we should talk about it... later?"

Al looked at Ed, his grey eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

"I can't lose him," Al choked out, his voice trembling. "Not again. I can't lose him again." 

"You're not going to lose him," Noah snapped, making everyone turn to look at her. She took in a deep breath before continuing, "You're not going to lose him again. He switched back while we were running. I saw it. He was holding my hand, and he remembered the directions when I didn't, and then he remembered when we first met. He's clearly our Ed." 

Ed's mind swum at her declaration. Did she actually believe that? She couldn't, right? Sure, he had known the directions, and he'd had that weird sense of déjà vu while they were running... But he hadn't actually switched back. She couldn't believe that, could she? And she was saying all of that in front of Winnie. Ed's mind swam with the implications of everything they'd have to explain to her once there was a calm moment. 

Al had frozen, turning to stare first at Noah, and then slowly looking back to Ed, his eyes wide. "Is... Is that true?" 

Ed remembered back to when he had tapped into Sylvan's accent, how he could always feel a little piece of Sylvan lurking at the edge of his mind. He wouldn't have been able to fake it when he'd first shown up, but now that he'd had time to find out exactly who Sylvan was...

"Why would Noah lie?" he said, his voice coming out like Sylvan's. 

Tears gushed from Al's eyes, and he ran forward, pulling Ed into a hug that left the older Elric gasping for air. 

"I love you too, buddy," Ed croaked. "But... I can't breathe!"

"You should have just told me! Why didn't you just say something?" Al babbled, still not loosening his impossibly tight grip. "How did you even manage? I didn't even notice anything had happened! When did you switch back?" 

"Alphonse!" Ed squeaked, trying desperately to squirm out of Al's grip.

"The switch happened in the first place because of a life-and-death situation," Noah said softly, coming up to Ed and looping an arm through his, gently tugging him away from the death-clench Al was trying to pass off as a hug. "I guess being in another situation like that was all they needed to switch back. Now please, can you go pack? We can talk when we're safer."

"I..." Al frowned, looking between Ed and Noah for a brief moment before nodding with a sigh. "Yeah, okay." 

"I'm hoping I can sit in on that talk too," Winnie said with a nervous laugh before she followed behind Al. Ed was turning to Noah before they were even fully out of the room, and she squeezed his arm with a grimace. 

"Wait." 

When Winnie and Al were finally completely out of the room, Noah dropped Ed's arm with a sigh. 

"Yes, I know," she said with a roll of her eyes, waving off Ed's questions before he'd even started speaking them. "It's for Al's own good."

Ed swallowed, his stomach churning as he looked at her. "So does that mean you know...?" 

"About the Alkahest?" Noah said, raising her eyebrows. "Of course I do. I knew as soon as we started running. But Al's not ready to hear that. He can't handle losing his brother again." 

Ed clenched his jaw and closed his eyes, feeling that familiar ball of guilt sitting heavily in the bottom of his stomach again. Of course. He should have known better than to think maybe Noah hadn't found out in the chaos of running from Zimmerman. But deep down, he'd known it was impossible to escape the truth. She would have always ended up finding out eventually, no matter how many times he avoided her touch. 

"I didn't know you could lie so... effectively," Ed said with an almost amused snort. Noah responded with a snort of her own. 

"It's not hard when you've spent a lifetime seeing people's darkest secrets," she said with a grimace. "You start learning what works and what doesn't."

And so, after a few minutes of frenzied packing, the four of them were venturing out into the moonlit night, their footfalls muffled by the thick blanket of snow. They navigated the quiet streets, sticking to the shadows to avoid detection as they made their way to meet Winnie's contact.

By all appearances, the place they finally stopped at seemed like a quiet, fairly normal house. Winnie did a knock with a specific pattern on the door and then the four of them were stuck waiting in silence, shifting their weight from one foot to another. Ed couldn't help but feel oddly exposed, standing on the doorstep of someone's home in the middle of the snowy night. 

Finally, the door creaked open, revealing a tall, broad-shouldered man with a thick red beard. 

"Miss Rochelle? What are you doing here? You weren't supposed to show up for a couple more days," he stammered, glancing around nervously.

"Plans changed," Winnie replied, her voice carrying an undercurrent of urgency. "We need to leave immediately."

The bearded man hesitated for a moment before letting out a sigh. "Alright, alright, give me a moment to get ready." 

Without a word, he gave the street another worried glance, and then stepped aside, ushering them in. The four of them shuffled in after him, their eyes taking a moment to adjust to the dim light within. The inside of the house was surprisingly spacious, but sparsely furnished. The bearded man gestured for them to follow him into a side room, where he then gestured for them to sit on the worn sofas. No one seemed particularly comfortable with sitting, though, so they all ended up standing awkwardly around the room as the snow clinging to their hair and coats slowly melted. 

When the man was finally ready, he ushered them to a shed outside with a simple black automobile parked inside. As they climbed inside, Ed caught a glimpse of Noah's drawn face, her eyes shadowed with worry.

"I'm Jakob, by the way," the bearded man said as he climbed into the driver's seat. "You all look like you've had a rough night. You're welcome to sleep on the way if you need to." 

"I don't think I could sleep if I wanted to," Ed said with a snort as he climbed into the front passenger seat. "You might as well have someone to chat with to help you stay awake."

Jakob chuckled, his eyes flickering to the rearview mirror. "That'd be a welcome change. I hardly ever drive cargo that can actually talk back." 

The car rumbled to life, and they set off on the snow-covered roads, leaving behind whatever semblance of safety they had found in their temporary haven. Ed leaned against the window, staring at the blurry landscape that flew by outside. The gnawing fear for Sylvan's fate continued to consume him, but now, more than ever, he couldn't breathe a word of his concern out loud. Not when Al was counting on him being Sylvan. As the minutes stretched into hours. Ed felt time slip away from him, lost in his thoughts as the miles flew by. He had to stay sharp, had to make sure he didn't slip up and reveal his true identity. But a part of him couldn't stop thinking about Sylvan. What was happening to him in Ed's body? He shook his head, forcing the thoughts away. He had to focus on the present.

As the night wore on, the rhythmic hum of the engine began to lull Ed into a state of exhausted semi-consciousness, despite Jakob being highly amused by the travel stories Ed had to tell. He fought against the tired ache in his bones, terrified of what he might see if he slipped into the world of dreams where Sylvan's absence would haunt him.

And then, when they were stopping for a bathroom break, Noah was at the door, tugging at his arm. 

"Alright, it's nearly morning," she said with a yawn. "Your shift's over. You need to get some rest." 

"But—"

"We need you functional," Noah said, raising an eyebrow at him. "You need to get some rest. At least sit in the back and close your eyes." 

He shook his head, unable to find the words to explain his reluctance. She studied him for a moment, her eyes searching his face for answers, then nodded towards the back seat in a way that made it clear to Ed that she wasn't going to take no for an answer. So he sighed and climbed out of the seat, letting her take the place in the front instead. 

Despite his best efforts, as the first light of dawn began to break through the darkness, Ed's exhaustion caught up with him. His body slumped in his seat, and he felt himself drifting off into a restless sleep. His new earrings poked into the skin just behind his ear, and he found himself reaching up to hold his ear, as if they somehow would keep him closer to Winry through everything.

The last thing he remembered of the void was watching as Sylvan disappeared into nothing. Like he had vanished from existence. Like he was... gone. Ed wasn't sure if that meant he was dead or if it just meant that he'd lost his connection to the void. Still, he had been gone, completely gone, and it didn't make sense for someone to come back from being gone. So Ed had put off sleep, expecting to see an empty Gate again, or worse, having dreams where he didn't go to the Gate at all. He didn't want to face that reality, not yet. 

But when he opened his eyes again, it was to the stark emptiness of the Gate. 

And there, somehow, standing in the nothing...

"Thank fuck you're here," Sylvan said with a wry smirk. "We've got a lot to discuss." 

Chapter Text

Everything hurt. 

I couldn't remember the last time I'd been in so much pain. 

Ed couldn't remember consciously choosing to leave the void, or even waking up. One minute, the world was white and hazy with Kai, and the next minute, the world was still white and hazy, but Kai had been replaced with a shitload of pain. He supposed pain was good. Pain meant he was still alive. For now, at least.

He tried to focus his energy on opening his eyes and sitting up, but was met with every one of his muscles immediately screaming in protest. It wasn't like the piercing pain of getting impaled or the dull throb of broken bones. It was more like a burning sensation, a fire that consumed every inch of his being. It was worst at his right arm, running downwards in a long line, following the accidental cut he'd gotten that had let the Alkahest into his body in the first place.

No matter how much effort he put into raising his arm, it seemed to have a will of its own and stayed firmly planted at his side. At least he could manage to open his eyes and take stock of where exactly he was and what was going on. And that's when he noticed Winry sitting beside him. She had her head in her hands, tears streaking down her face.

"You said you wouldn't leave me behind again," she whispered into her hands, her voice catching and snagging on her tears. "You promised you'd always come back."

Ed felt his heart break just watching her. How was it that Winry always ended up getting the short end of the stick, no matter what he did? Somehow, his decisions always ended up backfiring in a way that hurt her. It wasn't fair that she kept getting hurt just because she chose to stay close to him. No matter how much he tried to protect her, it seemed like they always ended up back here, with her heartbroken over him all over again. 

It was depressing enough to make Ed actually consider for a moment just waking up and telling her that he'd switched back, that the Alkahest really was some sort of miracle cure. After all, if he was going to die one way or another, then she might as well feel like she'd actually had a chance to say goodbye to her husband.

Still, Ed couldn't bring himself to do it. He'd spent a lifetime lying to Winry and keeping her at arm's length to protect her, and something about that potentially being the last thing he ever did left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"Win," he croaked, his voice barely above a whisper.

She looked up at him, her eyes red from crying. "Ed, you're awake," she said, sounding relieved.

"Yeah," he grunted. He wanted to push himself into a sitting position, wanted to act like everything was fine for Winry's sake, but he struggled to push himself up with his sore muscles against the strange surface he was spread out on. It certainly wasn't a bed like he would have normally expected to wake up in, and judging by the other surroundings, he was still in the Tringhams' lab. He guessed it was some sort of lab table. Which maybe wasn't the strangest makeshift bed he'd ever experienced, but it was definitely closer to the top of the list than most. Still, just lying on top of it made him feel oddly exposed and vulnerable, as if he were just a frog about to be dissected for some kid's science project. 

"You shouldn't get up yet," Winry said softly, reaching out and putting a hand on top of his chest. "We're trying to keep your blood moving as slowly as possible. Try to stay still." Her hands trembled as she reached up and brushed sweaty bangs out of his face, her fingers lingering as she brushed against his cheeks.

Maybe it was because the way she touched him reminded him of Noah, or maybe it was just because of how much pain he was in himself, but Ed swore he could feel his heart breaking right alongside hers. She was losing her childhood friend and husband, and she hadn't even had the chance to ever know he'd gone in the first place. Hell, even if Ed somehow were to find a way they could switch back, that would just mean she would get to say goodbye to him before he died. If Ed stayed put, then at least Kai could live, even if he was an entire world away from his family.

He and Winry had been living on hope ever since he'd shown up. It had been so much like how he and Al had once talked about "when you get your body back." They hadn't really questioned the idea that Kai would eventually come back. And now they were having to come face to face with the hard reality that there was no room left for dreaming.

"Win," he whispered, fighting against his body so he could reach out and grab her hands, trying to put every complicated feeling he didn't have words for into his touch.

And then it hit him. She couldn't read his thoughts with a touch. He'd have to actually find the words to tell her.

"Win, I..." he started with a frown. His words felt thick like molasses in the back of his throat. "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."

"No, Ed, no," she whispered, her own face crumpling. "It's not your fault. It was an accident. Sometimes bad things just... happen."

"I should have listened to you when you said I needed to rest," he continued, his grip on her hands tightening. "I probably only knocked into the table in the first place because I was tired-"

"Ed," Winry said, yanking her hand out of his grip and gently covering his mouth. "Blaming yourself isn't going to fix anything. What you need to do is focus on trying to rest and heal as much as you can."

Ed squirmed out from under her hand. "But-"

"What happened to the guy who always insisted that 'the correct path is always forward?'" Winry said with a sad smile. "What happened to standing up and walking?"

Ed frowned. "But what if I can't walk?"

"Then I'll make you new legs," Winry said with a shrug.

"Win..."

"And failing that," she said, absentmindedly brushing his hair out of his face, "then I'll carry you. Just like you carried me when I couldn't walk."

Ed scoffed and rolled his eyes. "C'mon, Win, I doubt you could carry me. I'm all muscle and metal."

"You underestimate mechanic strength," she said with a smirk, giving his nose a playful pinch. "I've carried automail twice your size."

It was the sort of statement that made so much sense at first glance that Ed didn't even question it, just nodding absentmindedly. And then the meaning of the words she was saying actually sank in properly, and he looked at her as if he'd just been slapped.

"Are you saying I'm only half the size of an average limb?!"

Winry laughed, and Ed could feel the tension in the air evaporate. Even if the reason for her laughing was a short joke, he still found himself smiling back at her. There was something different whenever it was her or Al cracking jokes about his height. They genuinely weren't trying to hurt him like other people were when they called him small. It was just that special language that happened when people had known one another their entire lives, when teasing became its own weird form of affection. It was familiar. It was comfortable.

(Okay, maybe it poked at his pride a little, but it wasn't as if he had more than enough of that to spare.)

Before Ed had the chance to respond, the door to the room was opening, and Al was coming in with a large paper bag at his side. He jumped at little at seeing Ed awake and then hurried over.

"Brother, you're up!" he said, passing the bag to Winry. "I'm sorry, if I'd known, I would have gotten more food, I didn't know— What?"

Ed realized he'd had tears start leaking out the corners of his eyes at the fact that Al was actually calling him "Brother" now, and even though it made his left arm cry out in protest, he reached up and wiped the tears away.

"Nothing," he muttered. "I'm just in a lot of pain, it's an automatic reaction. And don't worry about the food. I'm not really hungry anyway."

"Not... hungry?" Al raised an eyebrow as Winry began pulling paper food containers out of the bag. It looked like Al had stopped by some sort of late-night diner, because the first container Winry happened to open was pancakes covered in syrup. She passed the pancakes to Al, who took them with a shake of his head. "Well, that definitely settles it. You're sick."

"I think I'm a little more than sick, Al," Ed said in a low tone. The room went silent for a long minute, Al leaning over his pancakes and Winry opening another container to find a burger and potato wedges. Ed had to admit, while he didn't particularly feel like eating, something about the smell of the potatoes actually seemed appealing to him. Winry seemed to catch that he was eyeing the potatoes more than a supposedly "non-hungry" person would do, and she smirked before holding a potato wedge right in front of his nose.

"Yes, I can see how you're so not hungry," she said with a chuckle as Ed snatched the potato wedge and shoved it in his mouth before she could question her decision.

"Being willing to eat and being willing to eat potatoes are two different states of being," Ed muttered. "And only one of them actually requires being hungry."

Winry laughed and shook her head. "You're impossible, Ed."

"Liking potatoes is a national pastime, not a crime!" Ed said, grabbing another potato wedge and shaking it at her. He held back a wince at the pain that went shooting up his arm from such a simple movement. Winry and Al didn't need to worry about him even more than they already were doing. It wasn't even the arm that had absorbed the Alkahest, and yet it still was enough pain that he felt exhausted just from lifting his arm in the first place.

Suddenly, there was a loud thump from the doorway, and Russell and Fletcher stumbled into the room, Russell struggling to balance a large stack of paperwork, and Fletcher carrying a small cage. 

"Oh," Russell said, his eyes widening as soon as he made eye contact with Ed. "He's awake again already?"

"What, disappointed?" Ed said with a snort, expecting some sort of scoffed sarcastic reply. Instead, Russell went quiet, staring down at the paperwork he was holding as he brought it over to a table. Fletcher was equally silent, instead going over beside Al and putting the cage on a small rolling table that he rolled over to Ed's side as if it were a nightstand. Once it got closer to him, Ed was able to see that inside the cage was a small mouse, lying so still he would have thought the poor thing was dead if it weren't for the way it was breathing as if it had just faced down a lion. 

And Ed, after having spent an entire lifetime involved in science, had an immediate sinking feeling in his gut about what exactly the mouse was there for. 

"No," he said, his face twisting as he looked at the struggling mouse. "Don't tell me you..." 

"All our data is on how the Alkahest reacts with plants," Fletcher said in a soft tone, as if he knew exactly how Ed felt. "We have no idea what it's going to do. And if we're going to have any hope of creating an antidote, we need something to test the antidote on." 

Ed frowned but didn't protest as he looked at the mouse in his cage. Just because Ed could see the logic of having a lab mouse didn't mean he had to like it. Something about the idea of another creature being subjected to what he was currently experiencing with the Alkahest twisted Ed the wrong way. This shit was already painful enough for him, they didn't need to make an innocent mouse suffer the same gruesome fate. 

But still, to have a test mouse at all meant that they thought this could actually be solved, and that at least gave Ed a small amount of comfort. 

"Wait, what?" Winry said, blinking as she looked between Fletcher and Ed. 

"They injected the mouse with Alkahest," Al said in a quiet voice. He didn't seem to be at all interested in the mouse and instead had his gaze fixed unmovingly on Ed. "So they can figure out what it will do to Brother." 

"Oh," WInry murmured, looking down at her hands. And then the entire room fell silent, as if no one wanted to say anything further about the situation, as if putting words to it would somehow just damn Ed even more. 

The somber, silent mood of the room made Ed's skin crawl. It already sucked enough that just about every inch of him was in pain, not to mention the fact that he himself wasn't entirely sure what would happen to him. But to have everyone silent, with that weird fearful attitude people always got around the dying? Somehow, that almost felt worse than all the pain and uncertainty. It reminded him way too much of how everyone had behaved around his mom back when she was sick, and it didn't particularly make him feel better about his chances.

"Geez, what's with the gloomy faces? You'd think someone died or something," Ed joked weakly, trying his best to break the tension in the room. Russell shot him a glare while straightening the paperwork he had dumped onto a spare table. 

"Ed..." Winry started, looking like she was barely holding back tears. He immediately regretted trying to lighten the mood.

"You're lucky you're even able to crack jokes at all right now," Russell said in a low tone. "Unless you don't remember that the reason you passed out is because Alkahest went into your bloodstream?"

Ed bit back a retort of how he had gotten on too much of a first-name basis with Death for it to scare him anymore. He had a feeling that wouldn't exactly go over well. But the urge to crack jokes in the face of morbid outcomes was just too much to resist, so Ed instead found himself staying silent. Apparently, if he forbid himself from joking about his own mortality, he didn't have anything left to say.

"Did you find anything?" Al asked, turning towards Fletcher. All he got in response was a weary sigh from the younger Tringham.

"Not exactly," Fletcher said, then seeing the worried look on Al's face, added, "I mean, not yet. I'm sure we can find a way to counteract the effects of the Alkahest. It's just a matter of figuring out the answers in time."

"Yeah," Russell muttered, flicking through his stack of papers. "But it already took us years to develop the Alkahest this much. How are we supposed to find an antidote in a matter of days?"

"Brother!" Fletcher hissed, shooting Russell a glare.

"Days?" Winry repeated. Her hand scrabbled at Ed's side until she found his left hand and laced her fingers through his, squeezing hard. "You think he only has days?"

"We don't really know how long he has," Russell said with a sigh. "Theoretically, he should already be dead."

"Brother!" Fletcher hissed.

At the same time, Winry's hands flew to her face and she gasped, "What?"

"Story of my life," Ed muttered with a weak chuckle.

"Winry," Al said, reaching across the table Ed was stretched out on so he could take one of Winry's hands. "He just means that the Alkahest is very dangerous. From how it's talked about in legend, there wouldn't have even been anything left of Brother for us to say goodbye to."

"I would have been the least of our concerns," Ed added, trying and failing to push himself into a sitting position from his awkward spot on the table. His muscles screamed against the hard metal surface, and he couldn't get the traction he needed to actually get upright. It seemed that no matter what position he was in, he was doomed to be uncomfortable. "If that stuff had been the same stuff of legend, we'd be desperately trying to figure out how to stop it from dissolving the whole world."

"The... whole world?" Winry blinked, her face pale. 

"It's not called the universal solvent for nothing," Ed said with a weak laugh that was his attempt to disguise a cough. "Theoretically, it's supposed to be able to dissolve through anything. The only thing that could actually stop it would be the universal container." 

"What?" Winry said, whirling around to glare at Russell. "Why would you ever leave something like that just... sitting out where it could spill?!"

"Because, obviously, it isn't the stuff of legend," Russell said with a huff, putting the paper he'd been reading back on the stack in front of him. "Besides, that interpretation is more of a scary story to tell kids than reality. It's not meant to dissolve things into nothing, it's meant to break them down into their most basic components. It's a purifier, not some sort of gluttonous monster." 

"It still doesn't make sense why you'd just leave a working prototype out in the open like that," Al said, his voice low and expression hard as he stared at Russell. The Tringham let out a heavy sigh, then picked up a jar that looked suspiciously similar to the one that had spilled earlier and went back over to where Al and Winry were crowded around Ed. 

"It's not just a rough prototype that we don't know anything about," Russell said with a sigh. "We've been refining this for years." 

And with that, he uncorked the jar and tipped it into his open palm before anyone even had much chance to realize what he was doing. Ed hissed and pushed himself into a sitting position, making the table shake and clatter beneath him. His muscles screamed out in protest at the movement, but he ignored it, instead throwing an arm in front of Winry.

"Look, it's not a problem, as long as you keep your contact with it short," Russell said. In the center of the palm of his hand was a bubble of blue liquid that reflected the light like a gemstone. It moved in a similar way to mercury, staying contained and dense as it rolled around Russell's hand a couple of times before he slid it back into the jar. Russell's hand looked a little red, as if he'd been scrubbing at it, but he otherwise seemed unaffected. Ed could feel Winry reach out and grab his shaky arm, slowly pushing it back down to his side. 

"Breaking something down to its most basic components isn't exactly an instantaneous process," Russell said, holding the jar up to the light and swirling its contents. "And unlike the real Alkahest, this one doesn't have unlimited energy. It uses up itself to get the energy it needs to break something down, and then it just fizzles into nothing. We just can't figure out how to crack the energy conversion. Which is probably lucky for you, really." 

Ed thought about what that could mean for him and the fact that he had suddenly become the living human experiment for Alkahest. If it took prolonged impact before the Alkahest could do anything, then maybe as long as his body kept it moving, he could manage to pass it through without suffering much damage. Or maybe his body would see the Alkahest as some sort of imposter threat, and it would send white blood cells to try and take it out. And then, what, it would dissolve the white blood cells? And dissolve itself into nothing in the process? Or what if it just managed to keep opening tiny holes everywhere as it worked through his body? Would he be able to repair the damage it did before it fizzled away?

"So what does that mean for Ed?" Winry said, and he could feel her squeeze his arm. 

"We're not really sure," Fletcher said in a soft voice. 

"Look," Russell said, running a hand through his disheveled hair, "I'm not enough of a medical alchemist to help. It's way out of my scope. He really needs to see a doctor and make sure the Alkahest hasn't eaten a hole in his heart or something."

His words echoed in the silence that followed, the gravity of the situation settling upon them all like a shroud. In that moment, Al and Winry shared a glance, each recognizing the spark of an idea in the other's eyes.

"Mei!" Al blurted out, realization dawning on him. "She might be able to help with her alkahestry!"

"Of course," Winry added, her voice tinged with hope. "And there's a doctor from Central who's coming out to Resembool to check on Ed's heart. So I guess we should head back to Resembool right away..."

Ed felt a little twist of anger in his chest at the fact that Al and Winry were making plans without even thinking to ask for his opinion. He was the one currently living with Alkahest in his body, he was the one who could hardly move, hell, whether he liked admitting it or not, he was the one person among them who was possibly dying. And they were so ready to get even more people poking and prodding at him that they weren't even taking time to check what he wanted.

"Hang on, pause," Ed said, slicing his right hand through the air between Al and Winry. His arm stung with the movement, and he immediately regretted it, grinding his teeth through the pain. "Before we start obsessing about getting back to Resembool, can we focus on getting all the information on what the Alkahest is first? Maybe let the fucking scientists actually explain what we're up against?" 

"What further information do you even want from me?" Russell said, raising an eyebrow at Ed. "I just said; I'm not a doctor. I can't tell you what's going on inside you." 

"No, but..." Ed sighed and rubbed at his forehead with his left hand. He wasn't entirely sure if it was that his pain levels were actually going down, or if he had just been awake long enough that he was getting numb to it. "I mean, like... What was even the point to making something like this?" 

Russell tightened his lips until they were a thin, straight line. "Why would you even need to know that?"

"Wait, nevermind," Ed said with a sigh and a small wave of his hand. He had already been through this song and dance once before with the Tringhams, after all. It wasn't like he had to be clueless like he had been the first time around. "I know why you did it. You were probably planning to do something like dissolve away at the bedrock or something until you found another gold vein for the town. And your dad probably did a bunch of work on the Alkahest himself so you feel like you're carrying on the old man's work or something." 

Russell narrowed his eyes at Ed. "How do you know all that?" 

But Ed didn't have time to be bothered with trivial things like what Russell Tringham thought of him. It felt like the answer he was looking for was right in front of him, and yet, the pieces of information weren't clicking together in a way that made everything make sense. The Alkahest definitely seemed like it had some sort of connection to switching, what with the fact that it had made the trees start producing red water. It was almost as if the trees from Ed's own home had followed him here, to this parallel Amestris. But he just couldn't quite figure out what the connection was, like he was missing some sort of piece of vital information. After all, neither he nor Kai had interacted with the Alkahest at all before they'd switched. And having the answer somehow dangling in front of his face and still invisible was driving Ed crazy. 

"What the fuck am I missing?" he muttered, rubbing his hand at his forehead. "The trees had Alkahest applied to them, trees start producing red water... I mean, at least they're still alive, so that's good news for me... Fletcher, what did you say the trees said? Something about a... root?" 

"Oh, The Root," Fletcher said, standing slightly straighter. "It's something... bigger than trees. Something that connects them to every other tree ever." 

"And the Alkahest cut them off from that?" Ed said with a frown. "Why?"

"I'm not sure," Fletcher said with a shrug and frown of his own. "That's what I've been trying to figure out." 

A small idea had entered Ed's mind, and no matter how much he tried to brush it off, it persisted. So he decided to give in to the thought and see if maybe it was a result of his gut knowing something he didn't. 

"Can you take me to the trees again?" Ed said slowly. "Can you show me the circle you use to talk with them?"

Unlike when they'd seen the trees the first time, it was dark as they made the trek from the lab to the grove. Dark, and empty in that bone-chilling way that was typical of the middle of deep winter night. Al had transmuted a cane for Ed to use during the walk, and even though he'd protested against it at first, he still found himself leaning heavily on it as they walked, trying desperately to control his breathing enough that the rest of the group wouldn't realize just how much of a painful struggle it was for him to walk such a short distance.

The trees had begun to look ethereal in the darkness, glowing a deep red as if they were trees from another planet. Ed supposed that in some ways, they almost were trees from another planet. If a parallel world could be counted as another planet, at least.

"So do you have experience with botanical alchemy?" Fletcher said as he came to a stop in front of one of the trees.

"Ehm..." Ed made a face. "Secondhand."

"I-I don't know if it's helpful," Al interjected, raising a finger as if he were fighting the urge to raise his hand like a schoolboy. "But I have some experience with alkahestry."

"Alkahestry?" Russell repeated, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head. "And you didn't think to bring that up when we've been dealing with the Alkahest?"

"Well..." Al gave a helpless shrug. "It didn't seem important? It's not like I learned anything about the Alkahest that I didn't already know from studying alchemy."

"Man, here I've been trying to find someone's brain to pick about alkahestry..." Russell groaned, slapping a hand to his forehead. "Where were you a couple years ago, anyway?"

"In Xing," Al said with a snort.

Ed watched the conversation between Al and Russell, his mind still focused on the trees in front of him. He couldn't shake the feeling that there was some sort of message being sent to him through the trees, some sort of connection he could make that would finally give him the answer he was looking for. He leaned heavily on his cane as he approached the tree in front of him, his hand reaching out to lightly touch the rough bark. As soon as his skin made contact with the tree, he felt a jolt of energy run up his arm and through his body, making him shudder in surprise.

The sensation reminded him of alchemy, but it wasn't quite the same. But somehow, it was still so familiar to him, and he struggled to put his finger on where he'd felt such a feeling before. It had some of the flavors of sharing memories at the gate with Kai every night, or perhaps the feeling of when he knew that Noah had seen exactly what he'd thought she'd seen.

"I think..." he said slowly, frowning as he looked to Fletcher again. "I think the trees want to talk to me?"

Fletcher blinked, but seemed less surprised by the statement than Ed would have expected. "You could tell that just by touching it?"

"Yeah..." Ed murmured, turning back to look at the tree. He couldn't put his finger on it, but it was like the tree was somehow calling to him.

"Hold on," he muttered, then, before he could talk himself out of it, he clapped his hands together and pressed them against the giant pine's trunk in a flash of blue light.

As soon as his hands touched the tree, Ed felt a surge of energy rushing through his body, and he closed his eyes to focus. Images, thoughts, and feelings all crowded into his mind, as if he were receiving a torrent of information from the tree. It was such a nonverbal way of communicating that his thoughts flicked back to Noah almost instinctively, remembering how he would sometimes communicate wordlessly with her just by picking the right memory. He intuitively fell back on the memories as a tool for communication, even though he wasn't sure if the trees could read human memories the same way as Noah. Still, Ed found himself remembering when he'd watched Fletcher transmute the trees back in his world, how Fletcher had touched his forehead to the bark and whispered "Thank you, trees," as if it were a prayer.

He was hit with an immediate spark of surprise from the tree as it seemed to realize that Ed was remembering the world of the original red water, that Ed also didn't belong there.

And it was as if Ed got a sudden sense that the trees saw him as just a young, tiny human, a helpless creature that had only barely learned to walk and yet was still being put through the same difficulties and hardships as the trees themselves. And it took all nearly twenty-three years of Ed's maturity to not snap and immediately sever the connection with the tree just for calling him small.

The tree didn't speak in a way that directly used words, but Ed seemed to understand it better the longer he stayed connected. And what followed was something that most easily translated to the tree picking up on his discomfort and trying to explain that "No, when I referred to you as 'little one,' I didn't mean to reference that you were diminutive in relation to other humans, but more of that you're an infinitesimal speck, see..."

And Ed was stuck not sure how to explain to a tree that that wasn't really any fucking better, dammit all.

"But why are you making the red water?" he pressed, trying to translate the thought into something nonverbal that the tree could understand. And the tree did its best to explain, showing Ed a lifetime of growing and watching Xenotime slowly turn to sand, the tree silently mourning as they watched more and more of their green friends get taken by the dry landscape. The tree showed Ed how natural it was for the trees to communicate with other living things, how it felt like second nature, as simple as breathing. And how that skill had suddenly disappeared when they'd had the Alkahest applied to them, how it suddenly felt like they were alone and isolated even though they knew they weren't the last trees in the world.

And then the Promised Day hit, and the tree showed Ed how terrifying it was to know something was wrong, and yet the trees had no idea what was wrong, other than that they had seen this all somewhere else before, that they knew history was only repeating itself, that if all the humans wanted was that darn stone they were so obsessed with, well, the trees had learned how to make that, hadn't they? Perhaps if they just gave the humans what they wanted, maybe the humans would stop hurting one another.

Ed could only sit and marvel at this ancient being that was so different, it almost felt like the logic of a child. The humans want a philosopher's stone? Well, give it to them, then. And then the trees had simply managed to make red water, drawing on their own life source instead of depending on humans to be sacrificed. And somehow, it worked. Dear god, if Ed had known something like that was possible back when he was desperately hunting for the philosopher's stone, it would have been a gamechanger, an actual possible out that didn't leave him feeling sick to his stomach. If he were to take the red water the trees had provided and actually purify it into a philosopher's stone, could he make something that was actually ethical? A... Vegetarian philosopher's stone? Would that be something he could actually use to pay the toll for the switch?

No, he told himself. Even if he knew how to actually purify the red water into a stone without anyone else getting hurt, it would still take too long. He didn't have that kind of time. He had Alkahest in his body. He had to figure out how to neutralize that somehow, needed to figure out what it was going to do to him, why the trees had responded the way they had...

There was still some sort of important piece to the puzzle he was missing, and it was driving him crazy. Edward Elric was not a fan of unsolvable puzzles.

The tree seemed to sense his discomfort and tried to communicate some sort of message that Ed could tell was meant to comfort him, but he could barely decipher the meaning the tree was getting at. He got a strong mental image of a fractal—no, not a fractal, the "Root" that Fletcher had been talking about—some sort of message that any information ever needed could be found somewhere along one of the infinite paths of the root. Except the tree couldn't find the path it needed because it had been cut off, it was stuck lost among the paths the same as any human. Ed got the impression that it was as if the tree was trying to comfort him by saying that it knew there was an answer waiting out there for him, even if the tree didn't know how to give him that answer.

"Thanks for trying anyway," Ed murmured, before pulling away and breaking off his contact with the tree. He gasped as the connection severed and snapped, leaving him feeling oddly more alone than before he'd started talking to the tree.

"Well, well, well," Russell said in a low tone, snapping Ed out of his reverie. Russell was leaning against a tree with his arms crossed and eyes narrowed. "Look who decided to come out of retirement. Tell me, was it that you actually lost the ability to do alchemy, or was that just a convenient lie for the higher-ups in the military?"

"He really did lose his alchemy!" Al said with a frown, taking a step towards Ed as if he were trying to be protective.

"So what, do you expect me to believe that getting Alkahest in his veins was some sort of magical cure? How does a person even lose alchemy, anyway? You can't just lose... say, chemistry. Even if you had some sort of hand injury that made it impossible to draw circles, you were the Fullmetal Alchemist, you didn't need circles! And then you come here and you're doing alchemy the same as ever?"

"Brother..." Fletcher started, frowning.

"And how exactly do you know so much about our father's research, anyway?" Russell continued, ignoring Fletcher's protest. "What the hell are you trying to pull, Elric?!"

Ed's thoughts flicked back to Russell's file. In this world, there hadn't been an Ed nearby to break him out when he was inevitably thrown into prison. He'd actually had to spend time stuck in a prison, stewing about how he'd been caught and trying to figure out where he'd gone wrong. These were just the questions that had been haunting Russell ever since then.

If he had been fifteen like the first time they'd met, if he'd never been stuck in an alternate world filled with people who looked familiar, then Ed could see himself having exactly the same reaction he'd had when he'd met his own Russell. He could picture himself puffing up like Muh-Muh did whenever Ed scratched his belly, spitting angry words at Russell about how it was none of his damn business. He suddenly understood more of how he and Russell had struggled to get along back in the day. Russell had spent so long trying to be Ed that he was constantly comparing himself against an Elric measuring stick. And his natural reaction to feeling threatened was to get prickly and argumentative. And Ed's natural reaction to someone disliking him was to... get prickly. And argumentative.

"Look," Ed said with a sigh. "I'm not trying to 'pull' anything. It's just... complicated."

"More complicated than us having to explain the Alkahest?" Russell shot back.

"Yes!" Ed said with a bitter bark of a laugh. He leaned heavily on his cane, tightening his grip on it until his knuckles were white. His body was screaming at him to sit down, but he didn't want Winry and Al to realize just how exhausting it was for him to stand while he could still feel the Alkahest burning through his veins.

Of course, Winry was smarter than that, and Ed didn't miss the way her eyes flashed as she looked over the way he was standing. And then she was moving to his side, linking her arm through his and subtly shifting him so he was leaning half his weight on the cane and the other half on her.

"Look, I know how you alchemists are," she said, raising her chin until she was staring straight into Russell's eyes with the patented Winry Glare. "I know you're probably going to talk science all night. But can we at least talk somewhere warm where Ed can sit down?"

At least with Noah he could pretend that she knew everything about him just because of her powers. But goddamn, Winry didn't even need to touch him to read his mind.

"Yeah," Al said with a frown as he looked over the way she was holding Ed. "We should go back to the inn."

"Fine," Russell said with a sigh, pushing himself up from his slouched position.

"I need to make a pit stop at the lab first," Fletcher said with a frown. "I don't want to leave Sylvan alone."

"W-What?" Ed spluttered, his heart skipping a beat at the familiar name. He whipped his head around, as if part of him expected Kai to jump out of some random bushes, or perhaps for the world to turn white and empty.

Russell just let out an amused snort and shake of his head. "The mouse," he clarified. "I told him not to name it, but..."

"It was appropriate!" Fletcher said with a scowl at his older brother. "Until now, we've only applied the Alkahest to trees. And we need some kind of way to refer to him. I think a tree name is cute. I was debating between Sylvan, Forest, or Glen."

Something about the mouse being named Sylvan made the superstitious part of Ed feel a little nauseous. As if that was all it took to make the tie between him and the little lab mouse all the more unbreakable. 

They ended up settling in the common room of the inn, which was mostly empty aside from one other table of four men laughing over beers in the corner. Ed's thoughts flicked back to his early time in Germany, before Eckhart and before he'd been reunited with Al. There had been so many nights where it felt like his thoughts were stuck in the same dark circle that he never knew how to get out of, wondering if Al was alright, wondering if Winry was alright, wondering if he would ever manage to see them again... And the only way he knew of to break the cycle and get out of his own head was to go down to the beer hall and drink until his brain shut up. 

And for the first time in years, Ed found himself relating to those old feelings, part of him wishing he could just drown his feelings like he once had. But considering Winry wasn't even willing to let him have caffeinated coffee, Ed was pretty sure she'd throw a fit if he tried to drink anything alcoholic. 

The matter wasn't helped much when they all started ordering drinks, with Fletcher and Winry both opting for tea while Al opted for coffee. But Russell of course had to ask for a beer for himself, leaving Ed gritting his teeth as it came time for him to order. 

"Just... water," he finally said with a grimace, then added, "And whatever potatoes you've got." 

Maybe he couldn't have a beer, and maybe the people in Amestris wouldn't know how to make potato pancakes, but he could at least have a little piece of Germany. Any potatoes were better than none. 

"And sausage, if you've got it," he added after a second thought. The fact that he had only had a couple of fries while Al and Winry had eaten full dinners was catching up with him. 

As they waited for their orders to arrive, Ed found himself fidgeting with a spot on the table, the Alkahest still burning through his veins and making him feel more than a little irritable. He was grateful for Winry's presence, the warmth of her arm wrapped around his own providing a small measure of comfort. But he couldn't help but feel like a fish out of water.

How odd, that he could feel so out of place in a world that was so similar to his own. 

"So," Russell said, breaking the silence in a low tone. "You were saying it's complicated." 

Ed let out a frustrated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. He could still remember the surprise he'd felt when Russell had shown him the door to the underground city, how it had struck him that Russell was much more of a trusted friend than Ed had ever given him credit for. He was still haunted by the way Russell had made him promise to come back, how Ed had realized then that Russell was much less of an enemy and much more of a friend than he'd counted on, and he'd felt guilty that he hadn't realized. He regretted not letting the Tringhams in sooner, not building the wall of friends that he was clearly capable of, judging by how many people Kai seemed to have in his life.

But just because one Russell was trustworthy, just because Ed regretted not opening up to him, that didn't automatically mean that he could trust any Russell doppelgänger he ran into. After all, he'd thought he could trust Hughes in another world just because of who he thought Hughes to be, and look where that had ended up.

There also wasn't any guarantee that Russell would actually believe something like that Ed had switched bodies. Al's reaction to the news was proof of that one.

But hell, maybe if the Tringhams knew what he was trying to figure out, then maybe they could help better. Maybe combining his knowledge of his world with Al's knowledge of this one and the Tringhams' knowledge about the Alkahest would be enough.

"Look," Ed said in a low tone, staring hard at Russell. "I can tell you why I came here. But if you don't believe me when I tell you, then it's your problem. I'm tired of being called a liar just because my life is too extraordinary for some people."

Russell's gaze burned into Ed as he stared silently, his arms still crossed over his chest. He tapped his pointer finger against his bicep as if debating with himself. His eyes narrowed, and he seemed to be making a decision about something, but Ed had no idea what that could possibly be.

"Try me," Russell finally growled.

Ed took a deep breath and leaned forward, his hands clasped together tightly on the table. The pressure of the Alkahest was still a constant presence in his mind, but he pushed it aside as best he could. He ran a hand over his hair, feeling more and more like he was in over his head.

"Alright," he said slowly, meeting Russell's hard stare. "I'm not from this world."

It was almost funny, in a twisted sense of the word. How many times had he broken this news to people, how many times had he stumbled through figuring out a way to explain the unexplainable? He'd seen what felt like every reaction under the sun, from Alfons' laughing dismissal, to Winry's immediate acceptance, to Al's worried anger. And yet somehow, it never got any easier to figure out where to begin, never got easier as he waited to see what the reaction would be this time. 

Russell raised an eyebrow, his expression skeptical. "And where exactly are you from?" 

Ed took in a deep breath. From where the Alkahest burned inside him, it made him feel like his veins were filled with lava instead of normal blood. There was something almost familiar about it, as if he was a teenager again, as if guilt had once been some sort of substitution for Alkahest. Would life ever stop feeling like a frantic race against the burning feeling that threatened to eat him alive? 

"I'm from another Amestris," Ed said finally, his voice low and quiet. Once the words had started coming even a little bit, he found the rest rushing out of him, like he was desperate to get it out. "It's... not that different from this world, but still... pretty different. That was why I figured your dad was researching the Alkahest. The Tringhams I knew in my world were trying to finish their dad's work, too."

Fletcher opened his mouth, but Ed kept going, undeterred. 

"I switched bodies with this world's version of me. When I saw you were doing work related to parallel worlds, I thought maybe there was a chance you'd have some idea on how to switch back. And then I found out about the red water... Russell, red water is something from my world. You and Fletcher had the trees absorb it so they wouldn't poison the entire town. The trees are somehow tapping into something that happened in my world, and I don't know why... I can't figure out how..."

Ed trailed off, looking at the stunned, silent faces around the table. Winry and Al were both exchanging awkward glances, like they were both silently wondering how Russell and Fletcher would react. 

Russell just sat there for a moment, his expression unreadable. Ed couldn't tell if he was about to burst out laughing, or if he was going to start chewing Ed out for making up stupid lies. There was a heavy silence that hung over the table, broken only by the sound of laughter from the other table. Ed could feel his heart pounding in his chest, waiting for Russell's response. 

Finally, Russell leaned back in his chair and let out a low whistle. "Well, that's definitely... a lot to take in."

Ed let out a breath, but before he could say anything else, the innkeeper was coming back with a tray of drinks to distribute around the table. There was momentary chaos as Fletcher and Winry tried to figure out whose tea was whose, and Russell used the moment to take a large swig of his beer the instant it was placed in front of him. And then the innkeeper was reassuring Ed that the potatoes and sausages would only be another moment, and suddenly they found themselves alone again, quiet settling back over the table like a heavy blanket. Ed fidgeted and grabbed his water, unsure of what to say next. He had just dropped a bombshell on these people, and he had no idea how they were going to react. Russell leaned back in his chair and laced his fingers, studying Ed thoughtfully. 

"I can't say I fully understand everything, but... I think I believe you," he said slowly. "It's just... a lot to wrap my head around. Here we've been studying the possibility of parallel worlds for... who even knows how long now, and then an actual person from a parallel world just drops into our laps? I never would have even imagined..." 

Ed let out a small, relieved laugh. "Every scientist's dream, right?" 

It seemed like he'd managed to convince Russell, at least for now. But the relief was short-lived as Russell's next question brought back the reality of their situation. 

"So, let me get this straight. You're from another world. And in that world, the trees absorbed red water that was toxic to the town. And now, here in this world, the trees are somehow tapping into events from your world. How does that even make sense?"

Ed shrugged, frustration clear on his face. "I don't know. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Maybe the Alkahest is somehow connecting the two worlds? But I don't think me switching had anything to do with the Alkahest, either."

"But that's the opposite of what the trees have been saying," Fletcher said with a frown. "They said they were... cut off."

"But... cut off from what?" Al said with a frown as he took a sip of his coffee. 

"From the other trees," Fletcher said, as if it were the simplest thing in the world to him. "They operate more like... A giant brain. All the trees talk to each other all the time. But the red trees only talk with one another."

Ed swirled his water glass until it created a small whirlwind in the center, frowning as his own thoughts drifted back to the void. When the Alkahest had fallen on him, he'd ended up at the Gate like he always seemed to whenever he fell asleep these days. But it had also pulled Kai there, even though Kai wasn't asleep at all. 

"I wonder what it looks like from the other trees' perspective," he murmured with a frown, and the other faces around the table snapped to look at him. 

"What do you mean?" Fletcher said. 

"Just..." Ed sighed and put his water down, the glass making a solid thump against the wood of the table. "The red trees say they're cut off. Do the other trees think that the red trees have died? Or are they aware that something's going on, but the red trees can't communicate back anymore? Do they know something's wrong?" 

Are they worried? Are they scared of what it means for them?

"I can't believe I didn't think to try communicating with other trees," Fletcher muttered, already looking lost in thought at the possibility. 

But the conversation was cut off as the innkeeper came back over to the table, and the smell of fried potatoes and sausages wafted over to Ed and made him suddenly realize just how hungry he actually was. He was still in intense pain, but either his body was just turning off pain sensors to deal with the situation, or the pain was actually starting to improve a little. Ed desperately hoped that it actually was a sign that he was improving, that maybe the Alkahest wasn't necessarily the death sentence he'd first assumed it was. 

"So..." Russell started once the innkeeper had left and Ed had stabbed his fork into a potato chunk, "You switched bodies with another you. What happened to him?"

"He's in my body," Ed murmured, frowning at his plate of potatoes. 

His chest tightened at the question as his thoughts flicked back to Kai again. He desperately wanted to know what was happening in Germany. Had Kai told Al and Noah about the Alkahest? Were they freaking out? 

Shit. Ed nearly cursed out loud as he suddenly realized how late it was, and he hadn't gone to bed yet. And considering the last meeting they'd had, if Kai was sitting at the gate all night and Ed never showed up, then of course he would end up assuming the worst. Ed had to get to bed, had to get in touch with him and reassure him that things were going to be okay, before the dumbass pulled an Ed and panicked too hard. 

"So tomorrow morning, we should go see what's up with some of the other trees in the area," Ed said, diverting the conversation away from his doppelgänger.

"We shouldn't stay too long," Winry added softly, reaching out and putting a hand on Ed's arm. "If we want to get back in time to see the doctor from Central..." 

"We're coming with you," Russell said firmly, and Ed looked at him in surprise. Russell gave him a grin that was somehow a little sheepish while still having that Russell flavor of smugness to it. "I don't want to miss out on some vital piece of information on how the Alkahest is reacting just because you didn't think to report it to me. And I don't want to waste time sitting on a train if we suddenly come up with a potential cure." 

"Thanks," Ed said with a weak smile. He didn't particularly like being reminded about the gravity of the situation, but he couldn't help but be touched by Russell's concern anyway. He compensated for the feelings by shoving the last bite of potatoes and sausage into his mouth, like potatoes were somehow a balm for the ache in his heart. Even if they didn't have the German seasonings he'd gotten used to. 

"Well, I know I need to get some sleep," Winry said, seeming to pick up on the vibes coming from Ed. He nodded gratefully at her and swallowed the last of his food. 

"Yeah. Yeah, me too," he said hurriedly, pushing his chair back and standing, stretching out his back with a groan. He couldn't believe he'd let himself get so caught up in talk about trees and Alkahest and everything that he didn't think about the fact that he would miss his nightly meeting with Kai if he wasn't careful. 

"I'm going to stay up a little longer," Al said, not moving from his seat as he gave Ed a weak smile. "I'd love to learn more about the Alkahest and your botanical alchemy, if you two have the time."

Fletcher seemed more than eager to keep talking with Al, and Russell seemed happy staying with his brother, so Winry and Ed said their goodnights and he let her lead him back to the room. 

"There's two beds," Winry said as they walked into the room. "So you're welcome to share with Al if you'd prefer." 

"Why would I share with Al?" Ed said with a frown as he started unbuttoning his shirt. "I'm already used to sleeping with you. You're my wife." 

He froze as the words tumbled so naturally out of him. He'd meant to say it in a joking way, in a way that was clearly just a reference to the fact that this was the role he'd been stuck playing ever since he'd switched bodies with Kai. But instead, it had almost seemed possessive, as if he actually thought she was his wife. But she wasn't his, she was Kai's. Winry turned to look at him with an expression that was stuck somewhere between affectionate and confused. 

"Sometimes you sound just like him," she whispered. Then she shook her head, muttering apologies before she hurried to the bathroom, the door closing behind her with a soft click. Ed almost wanted to apologize, but he wasn't sure how he could apologize without making it seem worse. "I'm sorry for sounding like the me you know? I'm sorry for seeing you as my wife?" If she wasn't his wife, then what was she supposed to be, a widow?

Ed sighed and tried to put it out of his mind as he crawled into the bed with already rumpled covers, guessing that had been the bed Winry had been napping in earlier. He could figure out what to say to Winry in the morning. For now, he needed to focus on actually making sure he got a chance to speak with Kai. 

Thankfully, his body seemed absolutely exhausted after fighting against the Alkahest for hours, and it didn't take very long at all before Ed was drifting off. He could just barely register the weight of Winry crawling into bed beside him before his fully succumbed to the white void that was always nagging at the back of his mind. 

He thought at first that maybe he had fucked up, because the void was empty. Thankfully, he wasn't waiting very long at all before Kai was there, gaping at him like a fish. 

"Thank fuck you're here," Sylvan said with a wry smirk. "We've got a lot to discuss." 

Chapter Text

"Thank fuck you're here," Sylvan said with a wry smirk. "We've got a lot to discuss." 

Reader, I don't know if there are any words that can adequately explain how strange it feels to stare yourself down in a void, both relieved and absolutely terrified at the sight of yourself, sure that you should have already died. And yet somehow, there you are, staring yourself down with that smirk that you knew was always there as a way to make yourself feel more confident about the situation, rather than as a sign that you had any actual kind of grip on the situation that was spinning wildly out of your control. 

The silence stretched out for a long moment as the two of them stared at one another, as if maybe it had taken them that long to realize just how much of a strange and terrifying miracle it really was to stare down your own doppelgänger in the void. 

And then Kai was running forward and pulling Sylvan into a bone-crushing hug. 

Sylvan immediately stiffened against the contact, stammering and looking bewildered at the very idea that Kai was even capable of showing affection toward him. 

"Fucking hell!' Kai said, the words bubbling out of him with a sob. He tightened his fingers against Sylvan's shirt until his knuckles would have turned white, if he'd actually had the blood flow to make a difference with that sort of thing. Kai was too caught up in his own emotions to remember that he wasn't actually physical, tears spilling out of him as he clutched at Sylvan. 

"Fucking hell," Kai repeated, almost spitting the words out as if he were angry. "I thought you'd died!" 

Sylvan frowned and reached out to awkwardly pat his double on the shoulder, his own thoughts flicking back to his childhood and what it had felt like to hold his mother's hand as it had gone slack, how he had been unsure how he was supposed to know for sure if someone was truly gone or merely asleep, how that feeling had always haunted him, how he sometimes watched Al while he slept, just to make sure his chest was still moving up and down in the night. 

"I'm not dead yet," he whispered, his heart aching just at trying to understand what it would feel like to watch another him die. "Death has been trying to claim me for years. I'm not about to let him win that easily."

Kai let out a bitter snort at the joke, though his eyes were uneasy as he pulled away and looked directly at Sylvan. Neither of them was fully sure whether he was laughing because Sylvan terrified him, or because he related to the statement, morbid as it was. 

"You... You flickered," Kai said with a frantic, terrified expression that Sylvan wished he wasn't familiar with. He had never seen exactly what the emotion looked like on his own face, but that didn't stop him from recognizing that same swell of panicked fear. It was somehow worse, knowing what he looked like in his darkest, most terrified moments. Like that somehow actually confirmed that the fear was valid in the first place, for it to have such an effect. 

"I saw you..." Kai continued, frowning as he looked over Sylvan. He then paused, tilting his head to one side as he considered his double. "You... look different."

Sylvan glanced down at himself with a grimace. "I probably look like a mess. That Alkahest is painful as hell."

It was a space where physicality didn't exist, so it didn't really matter what all he had been through or how painful the Alkahest was, because Sylvan could appear however he liked. After all, in this space, he looked like how he thought of himself even though he was in Kai's body, even down to the fact that he didn't have the ear piercings Kai had gotten just a few hours earlier, because obviously, Sylvan didn't picture himself with earrings. But Kai didn't particularly feel like pointing that out.

Besides, Sylvan seemed to be implying that he would look sickly, but that was almost the opposite of the difference that Kai was barely picking up on. It was almost as if there was a little more color in Sylvan's cheeks, maybe he was standing an inch or two straighter, as if having his life on the line was somehow... invigorating him? The thought created a whole whirlwind of emotions in Kai's gut, but he pushed the feeling down. Adrenaline was a powerful drug, after all. And perhaps being in a space where he didn't have to keep fighting the Alkahest had gotten Sylvan some of his energy back. 

"Well, you..." Kai continued, shaking his head with a frown. It had to be nothing. It was just that being in the Gate was a different experience, of course people's appearance would change easily when they didn't even technically have a physical form there. 

"You've never flickered before," he continued, "I thought it was... Well, your life force going out, or... or something." 

Sylvan frowned, his own thoughts darting back to the information he had been desperately trying to collect from the red trees earlier. 

"I'm being cut off from the Root," he murmured, more to himself than to Kai, but Kai's expression still flashed with another wave of panic. 

"You're being what?" 

"It happened to the trees," Sylvan said with a frown and dismissive wave of his hand. "It doesn't mean I'm dying, it's just... There are these trees that had alkahest applied to them, and—Well, I mean, they're still alive, but. They can't communicate with..."

Kai's face grew dark. "So even if you live, we won't be able to talk."

It wasn't phrased as a question, and something about that made it even worse, made Sylvan flinch. "I mean, it's not... We don't know what will happen, it could—" 

"We don't even know if you'll live!" Kai snapped, letting go of his double to throw his hands in the air. Sylvan sighed and tried to take in a slow breath, trying to keep himself from snapping out of instinct. It was so easy to snap into those age-old habits when he was talking with this other him that was still so... volatile, still so angry, but it wouldn't do either of them any good if they ended up simply fighting in an endless void again. 

Besides, it was so exhausting to be angry, and Sylvan was so tired. Tired and sad and cynical. 

"We don't really know anything right now," he whispered, and Kai's eyes flashed with that same firey fear. Sylvan sighed and held his hands up in surrender. "I'm just saying. There isn't much we can do other than take this one step at a time. The trees have had the Alkahest affecting them since before the Promised Day, so who knows. I might have years ahead of me."

"So, what, you're saying we should just wait until something worse happens?" Kai let out a sound that was somewhere between a groan and a scream and ran his hands through his bangs. "I mean... Fuck, there has to be something we can do!" 

"What happened to not wanting to rush into dangerous decisions?" Sylvan frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, and then after a moment, let out a slow sigh and relaxed again. "I... Look. I know you don't want your kids to go through the same thing we did with mom, but..."

"No, that's not—!" Kai immediately snapped, but then paused, frowning at his own words. He then sniffed and looked away from Sylvan, his eyebrows furrowed in deep pain. "I mean... Of course I don't want them to go through that. But don't go painting me like I'm this hero with some sort of noble reasoning. I'm just being selfish." 

He paused, looking back at Sylvan as he swallowed a lump in his throat. 

"I'm desperate because I..." he started, his voice soft. He scoffed and rubbed his right hand at his forehead, as if even saying the words was causing him a headache. "The only person I'm trying to protect is myself. I can't bear the thought of going through that. Again. Going through mom again. I can't just sit back and watch you die from a world away."

Sylvan just blinked as the meaning of the words hit him with the impact of a brick to the face. He knew exactly what Kai was feeling. How many times had he wanted to rip himself in half just to save someone he loved? How many times would he have thrown himself into the fire just so he wouldn't have to see one more death? But through all of that, never once had he really thought about himself, never had he gotten heartbroken over his own sacrifice. But because he and Kai were just separate enough to see each other as another, separate person, for the first time, Ed was actually having his own heart break over his own terrible circumstances.

"Maybe..." Kai started, his voice low. His arms were crossed over his chest as he stared off into the distance, not making eye contact with Sylvan. "Maybe we should consider trying some sort of deal with Truth in order to save you."

Sylvan sighed and rubbed his thumb at his bottom lip. "What could we possibly trade that would help right now?" he whispered.

"When you first got Al back, he'd lost his memories," Kai said slowly, as if he were picking the idea up and turning it over in his hands to inspect it for flaws. Sylvan immediately didn't like where the conversation was going. "Maybe I could... Trade my memories for keeping you alive. I mean, maybe I could actually be more of the Ed that Al needs if I didn't remember..."

Sylvan's eyes widened at the proposal, and he swallowed hard before speaking. "Kai, that's..."

"It's worth a shot, isn't it?" Kai said, frowning. "Anything has to be better than just... Letting you get consumed by Alkahest."

"I don't know if I can let you do that," Sylvan said slowly, his voice dropping low. Kai turned back to look at him with hard, molten eyes. 

"And how exactly would you stop me?"

Sylvan was sure that up until that point, he had always been the one who scared Kai a little. Not that he didn't understand why. If things had gone better in his life, he was pretty positive that looking at the person he'd become in Germany would have been terrifying. A younger him wouldn't have been able to stand the idea of becoming a jaded alcoholic who was willing to sometimes admit that someone couldn't be saved, someone who didn't even believe equivalent exchange was real. 

But for the first time, as he stared down his double, Sylvan felt truly scared of Kai, looking into those burning golden mirrors and realizing he was exactly the sort of man who would let himself burn if it meant protecting the people he cared about. He was suddenly seeing that he couldn't even stand in the way of his own self-destructive wildfire, and something about seeing how easy it was for him to sacrifice himself was terrifying. 

"Do you know what happened when I died?" Sylvan said, his gaze hardening as he stared down his double. Kai frowned. 

"Yeah, you ended up here and we switched." 

"No," Sylvan said with a sharp shake of his head, his hand unconsciously going to his stomach. "The first time." 

Kai flinched and took a step backward, as if physically recoiling from the memory. "Y-You still ended up here." 

"Yeah, and what do you think happened back in the world where my body was?" Sylvan's voice was low and dark, and it was strange to go from being terrified of his double to realizing that now Kai was the one staring at him with a bewildered expression. Maybe that was the real secret neither of them wanted to admit, that deep down, they both lived in constant fear of themself. 

"Do you really think Al was okay with just watching me get stabbed through like that?" Sylvan continued, his voice dripping with bitterness. "He was a living philosopher's stone. What do you think he did?" 

Kai swallowed, feeling the world drop out from underneath his feet the same way it had when he'd felt blood tingling in the tips of his right fingers for the first time in years. His voice came out as a whisper, not questioning, not asking for confirmation because of course he knew. "He sacrificed himself." 

"And when I suddenly woke up with all four limbs and no hole through my stomach, what do you think I did?" Sylvan continued, pressing his hand deeper into his own stomach. 

Kai sighed, more tired than anything else, his thoughts flicking back to the memory he'd seen of Sylvan transmuting the giant circle from the pool of fresh blood. 

"You sacrificed yourself." 

"And how many times do you think we would have kept going back and forth like that?" Sylvan's voice trembled, his anger breaking through the surface. "The only reason we stopped at all was because I ended up in a world without alchemy and Al lost his memory. How many times do you think we would have traded our lives, torn ourselves apart, just to keep the other one alive? Is that the cycle you want us to continue?"

Kai flinched but stayed silent, avoiding Sylvan's hard stare. 

"I can't stop you from sacrificing yourself for me," Sylvan said in a low growl. "But by god, you can't stop me from doing it right back. Don't you dare go thinking that you're somehow worth less than I am." 

"We're the same person, asshole," Kai said, his voice as tight as a tightrope stretched over a crowd holding their breath as they waited for the acrobat to come out. "You're not worth less than me, either. You don't deserve to die any more than I do." 

Reader, they were so close. They were so close they were basically standing waist-deep in the very answer they were so desperately looking for. They were so close that even I got caught up in in for a moment, holding my breath and watching to see if this would all end up resolving itself much earlier than I had originally anticipated. 

But of course, an Ed is an Ed, and the Truth is never really wrong, even when he wishes he could be, just once. 

"Truth," Kai called out, his voice cracking even as he refused to break eye contact with Sylvan.

Ah. Damn me. Well, excuse me for a moment, Reader, but it looks like I have to go teach myself a lesson. 

Y'know, for being a once-in-a-lifetime genius alchemist, we sure can be stupid sometimes, I said, materializing beside the two of them. To their credit, they at least barely flinched at my sudden appearance. That's how you know when you're close to a breakthrough, when the strange and terrifying and supernatural have become boring and ordinary. 

I then turned to look at Kai in particular, crossing the illusion of my arms over the illusion of my chest. And I'm getting particularly tired of your attitude towards Me. You're always coming here as if you're some sort of businessman and I'm some sort of shopkeeper to haggle with until you get a bargain on your own enlightenment. Can we make a deal for this and can I trade for that? I would expect that of your first visit, but at this point, it's just ridiculous. You come into this place of learning and ask how much it costs to learn the secrets of the universe. I'm not a shopkeeper, I'm a librarian. Why don't you stop trying to haggle and try picking up a book and reading?

Kai blinked, his mouth hanging open in surprise. He was more accustomed to the idea of me being some sort of mystical, all-knowing being that danced around his questions and teased him with enigmatic riddles, rather than me lecturing him like an impatient teacher. 

"I... I didn't mean..." he stammered, looking helplessly over to Sylvan as if his double would be able to rescue him. He then turned back to me and held up his hands as if to gesture at the emptiness. "But there aren't any books!" 

Oh, really? Then where exactly did you learn to do alchemy without a circle?

Kai frowned and looked down at his hands, as if staring at them would somehow provide him an insight about the countless times he'd used them for a transmutation. 

"I... I learned that because I paid the toll," he said helplessly. "Because of Equivalent Exchange."

A long moment of silence stretched out, and I looked over at Sylvan, feeling the words he was trying to hold himself back from saying. He twitched and swallowed a lump in his troat, as if he could swallow the words back down even as I compelled him to speak. Finally, he sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck, as if admitting defeat. 

"Equivalent exchange doesn't exist," he said slowly, the words coming out in a soft whisper. 

"Of course it exists," Kai said with a scoff, crossing his arms. "It's a basic law of the universe." 

"Oh, yeah?" Sylvan said, raising an eyebrow. His expression was wild, that sort of look that an animal gets when it's cornered, both terrified and threatening, puffing itself up larger as its only means to protect itself. "Well, if it's such a  fundamental law of the universe, then where was the equivalence in mom dying?"

"Don't," Kai said, holding out a shaking finger. "Don't you fucking dare." 

But Sylvan ignored the warning, his voice gaining strength as he continued, "How many people died on the Promised Day, anyway? Do you think they saw it as some sort of equivalence for them to give their lives so you could save the world and have everyone see you as some sort of god-punching hero? What about all the Ishballans who died before anyone could figure out that it was all part of a greater plot? Was Elicia losing her father some sort of trade to win the war? Where was Nina's Equivalence?" 

As he spoke, the void swirled around them in their shared memories, neither of them taking the role of protagonist because they both shared the same memories, again and again. Pain and fire and death and suffering. Endless meaningless suffering, sacrifices from people who never deserved such a fate, tragic endings tacked around the scenes of their lives like morbid bookends, holding upright the great and mighty Edward Elric, the one who somehow always survived even when better people than him had been doomed before the story had even begun. 

"Stop it!" Kai snapped, slapping his hands over his ears. He squeezed his eyes shut, as if he could somehow stop the freight train from barreling down the tracks just because he refused to perceive it. "Just... Shut up! Shut up! Go away! I hate you!"

Sylvan fell silent, letting the words hang heavy in the air as Kai stood there trembling for a moment before finally sinking to his knees with a scream, tears streaming down his face. 

"It has to be real," he said, pulling his hands away from his ears as he tried to wipe the tears from his own face. "You can't just fucking come in here and tell me that... Everything we gave up, everything we lost, it couldn't have just been for nothing. If equivalent exchange isn't real, then... Why did we pay the Toll so many times? Why the fuck are we even here right now?" 

At least you've finally learned to ask the right questions.

"Yeah..." Sylvan said with a frown, reaching up to rub his thumb at his lower lip as he considered the thought. "It is a good question. If equivalent exchange isn't real, then... What's the point of even charging a toll in the first place?" 

I told you, I'm not some sort of phantom tollbooth operator, I said with a shrug and grin. Just because there's a price to be paid doesn't mean I'm the one charging it. 

Both of them turned to look at me with deep frowns on their faces, and I sighed. 

Alright, maybe you'll both understand it better through a story.

I waved a hand as if I were casting a magical illusion, not because I needed to, but because it helped the transition. The space around us shifted and rippled from blank canvas to a small, dimly lit shop, all kinds of strange objects crowded on wooden shelves. Dust motes danced in the light beams that stretched between the rickety wooden shelves, the entire place feeling old in a comforting kind of way, like a library filled with old books or an attic of lost treasures. 

Are you two familiar with the story of the curiosity shop that never stays still?

"It sounds familiar," Sylvan said, poking at an empty glass bottle sitting on one of the shelves with a frown. It was an unassuming bottle, round on the bottom with a narrow neck and ordinary cork stopper. Kai sniffled and wiped at his face again as he pulled himself to his feet, watching as the bottle filled with a cloud of deep red smoke, shifting and swirling as if it were a galaxy that had been called into existence from Sylvan's touch. 

This is another form my domain takes, I said, nodding at the space around them. Or you could say it's another way people try to explain my domain in a way that makes sense on the mortal plane. 

A young man came stumbling into the shop, his eyes wild and terrified, another reflection of another Ed in another lifetime, worlds away. Kai and Sylvan both watched him with wide eyes of their own, unsure if it was more that he was the ghostly apparition or them. Who was actually there and who wasn't always became tricky in those sorts of situations, all time blending together in one murky Now. 

"I've never seen this place here before," the man muttered to himself, going to one of the shelves and pawing through the strange artifacts as if he knew exactly what he was looking for. "I didn't know it had gotten leased out, I wonder when—" 

"Can I help you?" I said, shifting my appearance to that of a shopkeeper with a dark top hat and tuxedo that both seemed to shift colors whenever you looked too hard at them. The man jumped and turned to look at me, frowning in that particular way that I knew meant was him questioning where I had come from. But I had always been right there. I would always be right there beside him, always watching, always aware of every detail of his life. Because you can never truly run from the Truth, no matter how hard you might try.

"I'm just... looking," he said quickly, holding up his hands like he was surrendering. 

"Everyone is looking, in their own right. What exactly are you looking for?" 

"I doubt you have anything that could solve my problems," he muttered, turning back to the shelves.

I smirked, picking up the bottle of red smoke that was still swirling from Sylvan's questioning touch. "Try me."

He hesitated for a moment, his eyes darting around the eclectic objects scattered throughout the shop. Finally, he let out a sigh and spoke in a voice filled with desperation. "I've lost something... someone important to me. I've been searching high and low, but she's nowhere to be found. I just... I just want to see her again."

My smirk widened, and I shook the bottle of smoke, turning it a bright blue instead. "Yes, don't we all?"

I could see the flicker of hope in the man's eyes as he watched the blue smoke swirl and dance within the bottle. His longing was palpable, his desire to see his lost loved one overpowering any sense of skepticism he might have had. His fingers twitched and reached out for the bottle without him even seeming aware of his own actions as he did it. 

"Is that...?" he began, his voice barely a whisper. He licked his lips. "Can that bring her back to me?"

I raised an eyebrow and chuckled, the laugh coming out bitter and dark. He flinched and swallowed, but still didn't take his eyes off the bottle in my hand. "Oh, I have many ways to bring someone back. But it's not free, you understand. There will be a price to pay."

He bit the inside of his cheek as he stared me down, squaring his shoulders as if he were bracing for an impact. 

"I'll pay anything," he said firmly. "Name your price, shopkeep. Nothing could ever be worth more than her."

"Very well," I said, holding the bottle out towards him. He frowned and blinked at it, his shoulders slumping. 

"That's it? But... You said there was a price. What's the price?" 

"Does it matter? You said nothing could be worth more than her," I said, giving the bottle another shake. The smoke shifted again, showing an image of a young woman with dark hair, her dark eyes wide and fearful. The man gasped and leaned in towards the bottle. 

"Alex," he whispered, his fingers twitching again. 

"There's a saying in retail," I continued, shaking the bottle again and turning it back to blue. His face fell, and he looked back to me with an expression that was somewhere between furious and terrified, as if I had been the one to rip her from his arms in the first place. "If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it." 

"I have to fix what I've broken," the man said, his voice low and hard, and green eyes burning more like they were fire than leaves. "No price could ever be too much. Not for her."

When he reached out and took the bottle, the world faded back to white, leaving Kai and Sylvan gaping at me. I shifted back into nonexistance with a shrug, like a woman ripping off her bra at the end of the day, sighing into the relief of Nothing.

"What did he end up paying?" Sylvan finally whispered, his voice raw. "Did he... Did he get to see Alex again?" 

Yes, I said simply. He saw her again. But she didn't see him. He wasn't capable of being anything more than her invisible, ghostly guardian, unable to speak or be heard or interact with the world in any way. He was willing to give his life for her, so he did.

Sylvan and Kai exchanged a horrified glance, their breaths catching in their throats.

"But... But that's not fair," Kai said, his voice cracking on the final word. "He... He gave up everything to see her again, and you just... You didn't even warn him. He should have at least known what the price was!"

I did warn him, I said sadly. As best I knew how. That particular potion is... finicky. One never really knows exactly how it will choose to manifest itself. All I knew is that it would grant his deepest desire... and lead him to his deepest need.

"His deepest need?" Kai repeated with a frown. I nodded silently, letting the two of them stew over that. Sylvan frowned, rubbing at his chin as he was lost deep in thought. 

"He wanted Alex," Sylvan said slowly after a long, quiet minute. "But what he needed was to... be seen. He was reaching for Alex because she fulfilled that need, but he didn't realize that was what he was reaching for. He thought it was just her. He wouldn't have had to pay the price if he'd realized what he really needed." 

Kai looked over at Sylvan with a horrified expression. "What are you even saying? Are you implying that we wouldn't have had to lose our leg over the human transmutation if... If what, we'd just been more self-aware?"

"That's what alchemy is," Sylvan said slowly, still rubbing at his lower lip as he looked up, directly at me. His expression wasn't angry or afraid, but somehow still hard and unwavering. "Isn't it?"

He flickered for a brief moment as he stared at me, and Kai sucked in a breath, but then Sylvan's form stabilized again, still staring at me as if he wasn't even aware he had flickered in the first place. Probably because he wasn't aware. I smiled sadly at him. 

Yes. Deconstruction, purification, transformation. Whether you're performing a transmutation on metal or your own soul, the concept is always the same.

The three of us stood in silence for a long moment, the air heavy. Finally, Sylvan let out a sigh as he rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Now what?"

"If tolls don't..." Kai said slowly, frowning as he struggled for words, "I mean, if tolls don't exist, then why can't we just... switch back? You're the one who told us that we couldn't just undo a toll to switch back. But... If tolls aren't... real, what's stopping us from switching back?" 

I smirked sadly. Even in that most non-physical of spaces, I had a heart, and it was twisting. 

You're so close. So very, very close.

And then, Sylvan flickered again, but instead of stabilizing this time, he disappeared, leaving Kai standing alone in the emptiness, trying to blink back tears and keep a straight face. 

"It doesn't mean he's dead," he whispered to himself, more a plea than a statement. "He'll be back. He has to be. He'll be back. We'll figure this out." 

Hello, Reader.

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you.

Have you been thinking about what I said?

You also paid a toll when you came here.

So what did you want from this?

And what did you need?

I hope you can figure it out soon. There isn't much time left.

Chapter Text

The next thing I was aware of was that the void had somehow gotten cold. And ridiculously fluffy. No, wait. No. Bed. That's called a bed, dumbass. I groaned and shifted, reaching an arm out to try and find more blankets, pull something warmer around myself so it wouldn't be so damn cold... And found my arm instead colliding with a warm body. 

That would do. 

I slid my arm around them, pulling myself in closer until my arm was wrapped around a waist, and my face was pressed against a warm neck. They pressed closer against me, reaching out and grabbing my hand, lacing our fingers together with a sigh. As I relaxed and leaned into the touch, my mind slowly started spinning back into consciousness, and I was able to place the scent and familiar touch. 

"Win," Ed sighed, tightening his grip around her with a small smile. 

He couldn't place why exactly he'd missed her so much, but damn had he missed her. Somehow, just a night of sleeping had somehow felt like an eternity, like he'd gone off and lived an entire other life without her in his dreams. He cracked his eyes open, taking in the familiar shape of her shoulders like a balm, grinning at the messy way her hair tumbled over the pillow, mixing with his own blond hair until he couldn't fully tell where she started and he began. 

Home. 

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss against her neck. Winry made an adorable cooing noise at the contact, curling her fingers tighter against his. Something about it all was just so... instinctive. Natural. Like it didn't have to be so damn complicated. He loved her and she loved him, and why was he always so terrified, anyw—

Ed froze as his brain woke up further, his right arm stinging in pain as another lifetime of memories flooded his brain, memories of portals and dragons and Germany and soldiers wearing red instead of blue and Noah—dear god, Noah—and he went flailing backward from Winry with a choked sound, his eyes wide and terrified. 

His sudden movement startled Winry awake, her eyes fluttering open to see Ed panting and wide-eyed. She frowned and sat up, reaching out to him. "Ed? Ed, what's wrong?" 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Ed croaked, pressing both his hands to his forehead as if he were trying to push the memories out. "I didn't... I shouldn't... Fuck. You're not mine, you're... I'm...  I shouldn't be holding a married woman like that!" 

Her eyes flashed with recognition of what he was getting at, and her face fell as she reached up and touched a hand to the spot on her neck where he'd kissed her. She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times as if she were trying to figure out what to say, but all she could do was stare at him helplessly, as if she were going through the pain of losing her husband all over again, like maybe he'd made it worse by reacting, by remembering who he was supposed to be. 

I mean, maybe I could actually be more of the Ed that Al needs if I didn't remember...

Kai's words from earlier drifted back to him, and Ed felt like his heart had been squeezed with the thought, suddenly understanding better what his double had been getting at. If they couldn't switch back, maybe it would just be easier if they could play the part, slip into the roles they were supposed to be. Even if they couldn't go home, maybe there could at least be a way so everyone around them didn't have to grieve. Why did it always have to be that there was this radius of pain that always extended out from them? 

"I'm so sorry, Winry," he whispered, pulling his hands away from his head so he could look at her more clearly. "I woke up, and it just felt like... I couldn't remember... It's this freaking Alkahest. It's like... It's blurring the line between me and him and I just..."

Winry didn't say anything, but her blue eyes were as comforting as always as she reached out and gently patted his thigh. Ed swallowed a lump in his throat, trying to fight against the feelings that felt like a battering ram on his heart, but the tears still ended up spilling out from him with a choked sound anyway. 

"I'm just so scared of losing myself," he finished, his voice cracking on the words. 

"Oh, Ed." Winry's face crumpled as she looked at him, and she scooted forward, pulling him into a tight hug. "You're not going to lose yourself."

"But I already have," Ed said, burying his face against her shoulder. After seeing how easy it was for his brain to slip into just touching her as if she was his wife and not Kai's, he was sorely tempted to push her away, but the selfish part of him couldn't resist the comfort that came from her touch. "When I woke up, I didn't even know who I was, I... I didn't remember Noah. I can't just... You're married. And not to me."

"Ed, look," Winry said, letting out a slow breath as she pulled away from him, holding his arms as she looked him in the eyes. "It's okay. All you did was kiss me on the neck. That's not... That's not even a big deal. It's practically platonic." 

Ed frowned at her, his face twisting with the emotion. "It didn't feel platonic."

"Really," Winry said, raising an eyebrow at him. "Then what did it feel like?"

"Like..." Ed's heart pounded in his chest as he searched Winry's eyes. With the sort of conversations he was used to having with his Winry, he would have thought that a question like that came with a right answer and a wrong one, and the wrong one would easily end up with him getting smacked upside the head. But she didn't have that same expression in her eyes that he was used to, the threat hanging unspoken in the air. Instead she looked like she genuinely wanted to understand what was going through his head.

And it struck him as he looked at her that she wasn't acting like the Winry he'd once known not because she was a different Winry, but because they weren't children anymore. He'd never had a chance to adjust his mental perception of what a relationship with Winry would even look like, because he had never gotten a chance to see what it was like when the two of them were able to actually have a mature relationship rather than one filled with hormones and childish logic. It suddenly was clear to him that somewhere along the way when he hadn't been paying attention, they had both gone and grown up, trading in their shouting and impulsivity for questions and honesty. The least he could do was show her how much of a grown-up he had become too and actually talk, even if it terrified him. 

"Home," Ed whispered, dropping his gaze. "It felt like... home." 

Winry's expression softened, and she reached out to cup his cheek, guiding his gaze back to meet hers. Her touch was gentle yet firm, and it sent a shiver down his spine. "Ed," she said softly, her blue eyes filled with reassurance. "It's okay to feel that way."

"No, it..." Ed frowned and shook his head at her. "No, you're... What about K— I mean, your Ed? You're freaking married to him Winry, you can't just—"

"Love isn't a finite resource, Ed," Winry said softly, freezing him in the middle of his panicked rant. He stared at her with wide eyes, searching her face to try and understand what exactly she was getting at. After a long minute, she let out a slow sigh, letting go of him and smoothing her mussed hair back from her face. 

"You're making a much bigger deal out of this than I am," she finally said with a sigh. "I was the one who invited you into my bed the same night you told me you'd switched. I absolutely understand if you're uncomfortable when you're closer to Noah than me, but... Could you please at least be honest about your own feelings and stop trying to say you're doing something for my benefit because of my feelings?"

Ed could only gape at her, his mouth hanging slightly open as he struggled for words. "But... But you're married."

"And when I look at you, I see my husband," Winry said with a soft smile. Ed opened his mouth to protest, but when she caught his expression, she shook her head and cut him off. "I'm not saying I don't believe you've switched. There's this... air about you that I can't fully place, like you went through some sort of horrible trauma in the middle of the night that put this... glass wall between us. But I'm not in love with either of you for the little things that make you different. I already told you that. I'm in love with... you. The whole you. Your soul." 

"The greater Ed," he finished with a sigh, having thought over the words enough times that of course he knew exactly what she was talking about. He didn't want to admit that having Winry—any Winry, whether she was the one he'd grown up with or not—say the words "I'm in love with you," made something deep within him lurch and twist in a way he couldn't fully explain. "I know, Winry. But it's not... it's not that simple." 

She stared back at him, her blue eyes unwavering. "So you don't look at me and see her?" 

"I..." Ed opened and closed his mouth a couple times, looking away from her.  

"If I'm not technically your wife, then Al's not technically your brother," she continued. "But I don't see you having a moral crisis over whether or not you should still love him. I've seen the way you look like a kicked puppy every time he calls you 'Ed' instead of 'Brother.'"

"That's different," Ed said, grimacing. "I mean, fuck, Winry, of course I don't love him the same way I love you—"

"So you do love me." 

"Goddammit," Ed groaned, burying his face in his hands. "You already made me admit to that once already, you don't need to do it again!" 

"Then why are you so scared?" 

Ed pulled his head out of his hands and gave her a long, hard look. For a minute, he thought he could understand what Winry was getting at when she said that she could see Kai when she looked at him, even though she still knew the two of them had switched. She wasn't exactly his Winry, wasn't the same exact girl he'd grown up with... And yet, she was still there somehow, looking back at him through the depths of those blue eyes, even if they were a different shade. He swallowed the lump in his throat, his mind flicking back to all the countless times he'd dreamed of that face, the number of times he'd been sick to his stomach as the thought of those blue eyes had haunted he back of his mind. 

"How can I claim to love Noah if I can't let you go?" he finally whispered. 

Winry's face softened, and she squeezed his knee. "Why do you think you have to choose? You don't love Noah less just because you love me too. It's like I said. Love isn't a finite resource. Using one candle to light another doesn't mean you have two smaller flames. All it does is create more light." 

Ed could only stare at her, his heart pounding until he heard the static of blood rushing in his ears. 

"N-Noah, she..." he stammered, struggling for words. He sighed and let out a long breath, trying to collect his thoughts before he continued, "She has this... ability where she can... She can see people's memories. And I know she doesn't mean to do it, and I know she always tries to not make a big deal out of it, but... I dunno. It's like every time I remember Win—I mean, my Winry—she just looks so... hurt. And scared." 

Winry's eyes grew sad, and she slowly nodded. "Yeah. You... You can be a terrifying person to love sometimes." 

Ed flinched, blinking at Winry in surprise. It wasn't so much that the information was surprising, more the fact that it was coming from her and not from him. "I... What?" 

"Ed," Winry said with a small snort, her eyes somehow pitying and amused all at once. "She's terrified you're going to leave her. Of course she is. She can see exactly how deeply you loved another woman, and you did leave that woman behind. It's no surprise she's scared. Being in love with you is like..." 

She exhaled, pulling her hand away from his knee to push her hair back from her face again, her eyes darting away from him as she seemed to search for the perfect words. When she turned back to look at him, there was a deep sadness in her eyes like twilight. 

"It's like loving a shooting star," she said softly, her voice nearly a whisper. "You... burn with this bright light that pulls everyone in, and it's impossible to look away, but... You're this force of nature, Ed, constantly moving forward, chasing after your dreams and your beliefs, and sometimes... Sometimes you get it in your head that you're going to burn everyone around you, and you go running off into darkness, convinced that you're doing it for our own good, to protect us somehow. And you don't ever seem to realize that our eyes are always going to burn with your afterimage, that it would be better if we still had the light there to guide us rather than leaving us in the dark, hoping desperately that our eyes will adjust to seeing without you." 

Ed could only stare are her, his eyes shining with unshed tears. It felt like a vice had clamped around his heart and was squeezing until it would burst. He couldn't entirely tell whether it was from love or heartbreak. For a minute, it didn't matter which world they were each technically from, he was just the boy who always ran, and she was the girl who was always left behind.

"I'm sorry," he finally whispered, his voice tight. "I mean. Fuck, Win, I'm so sorry. I just... I..." He trailed off with a sigh, running a hand through his bangs as he tried to find the words for what he was feeling. "It's just that... Even if I don't run, I'm still just going to end up hurting everyone around me. Like this Alkahest. You could wind up having your husband both trapped in another world and dead at the same time, and you're telling me... What, it's somehow better if I just let you hurt?"

"Ed," Winry said softly, reaching out and taking his hands in hers. "Would you have preferred it if your mom had sent you away when she got sick?" 

He could only stare at her, his eyes wide and shining. 

"No," he whispered hoarsely, his voice barely audible. "No, I wouldn't have wanted that."

"I never asked you to protect me from all pain," Winry murmured, giving his hands a gentle squeeze. "All I ever wanted was for you to share your life with me. And I'm sure Noah would agree. Love isn't one of your alchemy problems where you get out what you put in, give someone else happiness and they give you happiness back. It's about both of you giving each other your whole life, trusting someone else completely with your most fragile pieces, and then both of you building something completely new together." 

The words seemed a little too familiar after the conversation he'd just had in the void only moments before. "Equivalent Exchange doesn't exist," Ed murmured, sighing as he closed his eyes. Winry snorted. 

"Yeah, you- I mean, Ed. He basically said as much for his wedding vows." 

Ed snapped his eyes open again, frowning at Winry. "He did? He said he hated me when I tried to tell him the same damn thing." 

"Oh, yeah," Winry said with a laugh and a wave of her hand. "He got snippy with me about it once too. Something about how that's only true when talking about love. I think he said something like that equivalent exchange doesn't make sense in the context of love because you can't treat a marriage like an equation. Which I guess I theoretically taught him because of that terrible proposal of his, but woe be on my head if I ever try and suggest that equivalent exchange might not apply for other things." 

"Well, you're both right," Ed said with a shrug. "It's a scientific principle, not a moral one. What it applies to is how matter can only ever have a one-to-one conversion in a transmutation. But he's sort of right too, I guess. That means that it only applies to love. He's just missing that love is... everything." 

Ed froze as he said the words. It was like he'd just had a rare moment of enlightenment slip out between his lips before he even saw it coming, and he was stuck reeling with the realization from his own offhand comment. 

"Wait, love is everything," he said, his eyes going wide as he reached up and pressed both his hands against the sides of his head, tangling his fingers in his bangs. "That's why equivalent exchange isn't real. Because you can't balance love like an equation."

"I agree with you, and yet also have no idea what you're talking about," Winry said with a laugh. "What do you mean, 'love is everything'? I mean. The bed is a bed. The blanket's a blanket. They're just things, not love."

"They're not though," Ed said, reaching out and running a hand over the blanket. "They're the place we go to when we're at our weakest and most vulnerable every single night, and they're always there to comfort us and protect us. Hell, even before we use a bed, there was someone who made it and maybe has a passion for their craft. Or maybe it had a special meaning to the innkeeper when they decided to put it in this room. Love isn't just an emotion or a feeling. It's the fabric that binds us all together. No one can get it to make sense, and yet everyone ends up chasing after it anyway. It always boils down to love. It's the one thing everyone wants and needs." 

Ed froze, another epiphany hitting him in the face with the same force of jumping onto the business end of a rake. 

All I knew is that it would grant his deepest desire... and lead him to his deepest need.

"It's what Truth said," Ed said with a frown, pushing himself off the bed so he could pace as he worked through his thoughts. "Wants and needs."

Winry could only stare at Ed as if he had grown a second head. "What?"

"You pay a toll when you're stuck at a stage of transmutation. Because something you want is distracting you from something you need," Ed continued, waving his hands around as he talked, too full of thoughts to keep himself still even with the pacing. "That's how the Gate works. When I lost my leg, it was because I wanted mom. I wanted... I wanted to only ever have to lean on her and not have to let new people in. Because sometimes they left. But what I needed was to learn to lean on other people anyway, even if it hurts sometimes. So I lost my leg and I had to start letting other people help. Like you." 

Winry's eyes softened as she listened, but she still had a confused frown as she shook her head. "So are you saying you lost your leg for your own good?" 

"No. I mean. Kinda," Ed said with a groan. "It's complicated. I'm saying. I was so stuck on the stage I was in that I needed some desperate help to break past it. Losing a limb isn't a good thing, of fucking course not. But it's a hell of a lot better than dying. And that's the path I was on."

Winry's frown deepened, and she reached out for Ed as he paced. "Does that mean that's the path that Ed—my Ed was on? Is that why you two switched? Were you on that path too?" 

Ed actually stopped pacing to frown at her, his right hand drifting to his chest and gripping the fabric of his shirt right where his heart was. He swallowed a lump in his throat and nodded. "Yeah, probably." 

She didn't say anything, but Ed could see in her eyes how much her heart was twisting at the idea of the two of them being in that kind of pain. He sighed and sat back down beside her on the bed, reaching out and laying a hand on her leg. 

"I'm not asking you to protect me from pain," he murmured, echoing her words from earlier. "I'm just asking you to share your life with me." 

Winry's eyes were wet with unshed tears, and she smiled at him as if he'd just offered her the most romantic thing in the world. She reached out and brushed his bangs out of his face, leaning in to get a better look at his eyes. 

"You two really are the same," she said with a wet chuckle before letting go of him. She then nodded as if she had been set in front of a puzzle. "So is that why you were murmuring about wants and needs? Because if you figure out what you two needed instead of what you wanted, you'll be able to switch back?" 

Ed stared at her, blinking. He hadn't even considered the idea that figuring out what the two of them needed could circumvent the idea of a toll completely. 

"I mean, maybe," he said slowly. "It definitely wouldn't hurt. I was murmuring about it because of the 'love is everything' thing, though. Because I said that all anyone ever wants or needs is love." 

"Huh," Winry said, leaning back on her hands as she considered the idea. "That makes sense. Like with your leg, you wanted the love of your mom, but you needed to learn to let love in."

The words hit like a brick, which is how Ed knew she was right. Only emotional insight could hurt like that. "Yeah," he said, genuinely impressed. "Damn, Winry, when did you start getting good at talking through alchemy stuff?" 

"Oh, around the same time my husband started being able to repair automail himself," she said, looking over at him with a small smirk. "If you spend enough time listening to someone you love, eventually some of it starts to sink in."

Ed couldn't help but smile at Winry's response, feeling a warmth spread through him at her words. They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, both lost in their thoughts. 

"So what did you want when you switched, anyway?" Winry finally said. 

"Me?" He straightened his posture, blinking at Winry. He had been so busy thinking about Kai, he hadn't even thought about how the same concepts applied to himself. He frowned as he considered the question, thinking back to when he'd shown up at the Gate after the heart attack. "I guess I... I was scared. I thought that... Maybe I was dead, and I just. I didn't want to hurt Al and Noah like that." 

Thinking about it intentionally brought the moment back with more clarity, and he remembered something that he hadn't given much thought to before then. "There was this... voice that said something. I guess that was Truth...?" 

"What did they say?

 "I was panicking," Ed said, frowning as he tapped at his lower lip, trying to remember it clearly. "I begged for another chance. And it said, 'Are you happy with how it all turned out, Alchemist?'"

"What did you say?"

"No," Ed whispered, turning to look at her. "I mean, of course, no. How am I supposed to be happy with dying and leaving the people I love behind when they need me?" 

"You're not going to die abandoned and alone in the middle of the woods, Ed," Winry said softly, looking her eyes with his. "You're always going to be surrounded by people who love and need you. If that's your rule, then you'll never be able to have a peaceful death."

"So... Are you saying that what I need is... To make peace with my own mortality?" Ed said, raising an eyebrow. "Do you think that if we'd been okay with dying, we wouldn't have switched places?"

"No," Winry sighed. "I'm saying... I don't know. I think what you need is to know you're loved without you having to do anything. We just. Love you. And we're always going to love you. You don't have to earn it by doing things like protecting us, and you're not betraying us if we hurt because of something connected to you." 

"I know, Win," Ed said with a soft chuckle, leaning over to nudge her with his shoulder. "Trust me, I've been working hard to make sure I get that lesson through this thick skull of mine." 

"Well, understand it harder," Winry said with a laugh of her own as she nudged him back. "My big stupid boy needs to learn he. is. loved." She poked a finger into his arm as she spoke, and Ed wrinkled his nose at her, laughing. 

"Big stupid boy, huh?" 

"Oh, you're right, I misspoke," Winry said with an impish smirk. "I meant my little stupid boy." 

Ed almost considered yelling for a moment, just because it was all so familiar, and there was something comforting about falling back into the same teasing routine he and Winry had always had. But he was also an adult now. He had much classier ways of teasing without just yelling and throwing a tantrum. 

"Oh, no, the short jokes, my one weakness!" he said, dramatically throwing his hand to his head like a Victorian woman. "Why, it's so terrible, I very well might just faint!"

And with that, he collapsed against Winry's shoulder in a fit of exaggerated despair. Yep, so much more adult than screaming and yelling about insults like a child. He was definitely a classier little shit than he had been back then. Winry let out a surprised squawk as she tried to support his weight, but ended up toppling backwards onto the bed, Ed half on top of her.

"Ed!" she said, laughing as she swatted at his shoulder. "Oh my god, how are you this heavy? Get up!" 

"But I'm so small and weak, you said so yourself!" Ed said, his laughter bubbling up as he spoke. 

"You're so weird!" 

"Yes, and damn good at it too, thank you for noticing!" 

They both lay there, giggling like children at their antics,  when the door burst open, Al suddenly coming in and freezing as he stared at the two of them with wide eyes. 

"What are you two... doing?"

It was as Al stared at them that it hit Ed that he'd done it again. He'd gone and fallen into the trap of familiarity with Winry, and somehow the line in his head between him and Kai had gotten blurred again, and now he was lying on top of a married woman. No wonder Al was looking at the two of them with that bewildered expression. Ed had only just barely convinced Al that he'd switched bodies in the first place, and then all it took was a little Alkahest to get him repeatedly acting like he hadn't switched at all. Ed scrambled off Winry, trying to think of a way to explain that it had been innocent, platonic, the same sort of affection he'd always had towards Winry. Without that somehow making him sound even guiltier. 

"She called me short," Ed found himself blurting out. And then, realizing how that sounded, he winced and added, "And I'm an adult." 

There was a brief moment of silence as the words seemed to hang in the air, and then Winry and Al both dissolved into giggles, clutching at their sides. 

"You're lucky you don't have to pass a test to become an adult, Brother," Al said through his laughter. "I think you're tired and need to go to bed." 

"Back to bed?" Ed said, indignant. "But I just got up!" 

"You just got up?" Al repeated, his laughter dying as he stared at Ed with wide eyes. "Oh. Oh no. Is it morning already?" 

Winry let out a pitying laugh, her hand flying to her mouth. "Oh, Al, sweetie. Did you never go to bed?" 

"Ah..." Al said with a nervous laugh of his own, his cheeks going pink with embarrassment. "Apparently not. Whoops. I guess I got caught up in talking with Fletcher." 

"Alphonse," Ed groaned, pinching at the bridge of his nose. "You have a body now, you can't just—" 

"I know, I know, it's just—" 

"—have to take care of yourself, you're not—" 

"—my schedule's still adjusting from Xing, it's not my fault!" 

Winry couldn't help but chuckle as she watched the two of them bicker back and forth. Some things really didn't ever change. 

"He can sleep on the train," she interjected, making the two of them snap their heads around to look at her. "In the meantime, we've got a pretty busy day ahead of us. Maybe we should focus on packing and getting to the train station instead of arguing about sleep schedules?"

Ed sighed, finally relenting with a nod. "Yeah, you're right," he said, running a hand through his unruly blond hair. "We've wasted enough time as it is. But there's one thing I want to do first."

Thankfully, he at least didn't have to go very far to find a tree that hadn't had alkahest applied to it like the huge red pines near Russell's lab. There were a couple of lemon trees not too far from the inn, and it left Ed wondering if Belsio had something to do with it, or if it was just meant to be a reference to the gold town Xenotime once had been. Whatever the reason, a tree was a tree, and that was all Ed needed. He clapped his hands together and pressed them against the trunk just as he had done with the red trees near the lab, closing his eyes in an attempt to try and concentrate.

The tree had a much younger aura about it than the giant red evergreens, and yet it still seemed to look at Ed as a "little one." He tried to push down the twinge of annoyance at the thought. After all, he was sort of a baby by the standard measurements of a tree's life, even if he didn't really like their infantilizing attitude. Instead, he tried to focus on his memories of the red trees, trying to ask the lemon tree if it knew anything about them.

He was immediately met with a jolting feeling that could only be described as fear. Not the sort of fear that a tree would have towards an ax or lightning, but something even deeper, the same sort of feeling that came from looking up at the stars in the countryside and realizing just how small you were in comparison to the rest of the universe. As Ed focused on the feeling, trying to place where he'd felt such a feeling, it suddenly hit him.

It was the same fear he felt deep within his bones whenever he was at the Gate.

Specifically the feeling he felt when he looked at Truth. 

Well, it at least answered the question of whether or not other trees were aware of the red trees. They were definitely aware. 

Ed tried his best to communicate to the lemon tree about how the red trees were distressed because they had been cut off from the Root. But the lemon tree seemed to view them as they were... some sort of gods, and Ed couldn't figure out why a godlike being would be cut off from the Root. 

The tree responded with a mental image of red tree with roots that seemed to perfectly reflect the branches above. It seemed like the tree was struggling for a proper translation of what it was getting at until something in Ed's brain clicked into place, like his brain had remembered the connection to alchemy. 

As above, so below.

Ed stumbled backward as he broke his connection with the tree, staring down at his own hands as if he had been burned. He felt like he had somehow learned so much and nothing all at once. But he'd at least figured out the main question he'd come to figure out.

Other trees were aware of the red trees. They just saw the red trees as gods, apparently. Terrifying, ennui-causing gods. So that answered that. 

And left him with a million new questions he didn't even know how to begin asking. What were they getting at with the symmetrical red tree? What did that and "as above, so below" have to do with the red trees being cut off from the Root? What had the Alkahest even done to the trees, for regular trees to look at them and see Truth?

And what the fucking hell did that mean for Ed? He'd thought the worst-case scenario of the Alkahest would be death, but could he possibly end up becoming some sort of not-there-but-there void being? Or would he even stay on the same plane at all? Would he just end up trapped in the void, nothing and everything all at once? 

Surely the Alkahest wouldn't turn him into some sort of living god, right? 

I gripped the fabric of his shirt and licked my lips, trying to ground himself in the feeling of physicality. I tried to take in deep breaths even as the world swam around him, reaching out for the lemon tree and holding on to it like a lifeline through the wave of panic that had suddenly overtaken him. 

You're going to be fine, Ed. It's okay. Just breathe. You're going to be fine. 

The next thing I was aware of was that the void had somehow gotten cold. And ridiculously uncomfortable. No, wait. No. Car. That's because you fell asleep in a car, dumbass. I groaned and shifted, reaching up to rub at the sore muscles in my neck, simultaneously wanting to curl into a ball to conserve heat and also stretch out what felt like an infinite number of sore muscles. 

I felt awake before I fully wanted to acknowledge the reality of the situation. I didn't want to come back to consciousness, to having a body and a world where things didn't just change based around my thoughts. I didn't want to be waking up in a cold, uncomfortable car, I wanted to be waking up in a warm, fluffy bed with Winry. And for a moment, it was almost as if that reality were so close I could feel it for the briefest of moments, like I could reach out for the warmth of her skin beside me. 

And then the spell snapped, and Ed was groaning as he cracked his eyes open, taking note of the heavy weight on his shoulder. Apparently, Al had fallen asleep on him, and Ed couldn't help but chuckle a little at the sight. It was something they hadn't done in a long time, and yet it seemed so familiar, having Al fall asleep against him as if they were still just two kids staying up late to read their dad's alchemy books again. Even if they had usually traveled by train instead of car, even if most of their travels had consisted of Al not being able to fall asleep on Ed's shoulder, something about the whole routine still felt so familiar, like their life just consisted of endless times where they had each leaned on one another when they were too tired to hold themselves upright.

"Big baby," Ed muttered with a chuckle as he reached up and smoothed Al's hair out so it looked less like a wild bramble bush. 

„Guten Morgen," a soft voice said, and when Ed looked up, he found himself staring at Ros- No, wait, that was wrong too. She was someone different, she was— Noah. How could he forget that? 

No, he'd only met her days ago, of course he still kept confusing her with Rosé.

Ed groaned and held a hand up to his head as what felt like a cacophony of memories swirling inside his head. Like he'd been given so much information about Sylvan this and Sylvan that ever since he'd first woken up in Germany that his brain no longer knew how to tell what had been his own life and what had been Sylvan's. He slowly picked up the pieces of his consciousness, making two piles in his head that sorted the broken shards into two piles labeled "Kai" and "Sylvan." And slowly, the reality of the day ahead of him set in. He and Noah had told Al that he'd switched back the other night just to get Al okay with leaving. Which meant he was going to have to spend the whole day convincing Al that he was actually Sylvan. No wonder Al was clinging to Ed in his sleep. He thought he'd actually gotten his brother back. 

„Guten Morgen," Ed repeated dully, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. The way Noah watched him had Ed believing that she absolutely knew exactly what he was thinking, even if she wasn't touching him. 

Ed could remember that there was a time right after he and Winry had first gotten engaged when he'd gotten an intense flashback right in the middle of Winry doing maintenance to his leg. He'd so badly wanted to keep her from worrying about him, didn't want her to know how bad things felt for him sometimes because it always felt like he was overreacting. So he'd ended up gritting his teeth through it and trying his best to pretend nothing was wrong. When Winry started getting irritated that he wasn't responding to her asking him questions about what he wanted for the wedding, he had ended up snapping at her. 

Of course, because it was him and Winry, and because they were young and stupid, that impulsive slip had made the entire argument go nuclear. He and Winry had ended up spending the entire day apart, and Ed could remember a distinct moment where he was terrified he'd never be able to even handle being married, let alone being a functioning civilian who could care about problems like the flower you want for a wedding centerpiece not being in season at the right time. 

When he finally had gone back to Winry to apologize and explain why he'd been more irritable than usual, she had ended up giving him a lecture about how being married was supposed to be a partnership, and that having a working partnership depended on trust between two equals. How it wouldn't work out if he decided that something was a threat he needed to protect her from if he didn't even let her know he was making that choice in the first place. 

"You don't go giving half your life to someone if you're scared they won't be able to look your past in the eyes," she had whispered, reaching out and holding him by his cheeks, her right thumb swiping away the tear he hadn't managed to fight back. "If we're going to make this marriage work, we need to always be honest with one another about where we're at and how we're feeling. Otherwise, we won't be able to work together as a team."

That lecture had ended up haunting him every day as he tried to figure out how to be a better husband, a better father, a better Ed. And now, he couldn't help but think about it again as he looked back at Noah, knowing that she somehow could read exactly what he was thinking, even without her powers, even without him saying a word, even without him actually being Sylvan. And he couldn't help but think that maybe her ability to see into people's memories just by touching them was a gift, because he couldn't be sure that Sylvan would have been able to trust someone enough to be completely honest about his past. 

"You okay?" Noah said, with a concerned look that made him almost question if she'd seen inside his head without even touching him. 

"Yeah," Ed muttered, rubbing a hand over his face a couple of times as if that would somehow transform him into the person he needed to become before Al woke up. "Yeah, I'm fine, just... Just tired." 

Noah gave him a sympathetic smile. "We're almost there. You'll be able to get up and stretch your legs soon."

Ed nodded, grateful for the distraction of their impending arrival. He glanced down at Al, still peacefully asleep against his shoulder, and couldn't help but feel a surge of protectiveness. He glanced out the window as the car turned down a gravel driveway of some sort, and noticed the distant colorful peaks of circus tents in the distance.

"It's the... carnival?" Ed muttered, frowning as he straightened in his seat to get a better look out the window. Al stirred with the movement, jerking at the mention of "carnival."

"Oh, are we there already?" Winnie said, rubbing at her eyes and stretching out her shoulders. "They're going to Bremen too. They're arriving just a bit before we need to be there to catch our ship. So we're just going to ride along with them." 

"Wait, and you were okay with us just procrastinating on leaving?" Ed said, blinking and turning to look at Winnie instead of the swiftly approaching striped tents. 

"Well, they're not going to be leaving for a bit. It was either kill time waiting there or kill time waiting here," she said with a shrug and easy smile. 

"Izz too cold for the circus," Al muttered, pulling his coat tighter around himself.

"It warms up if you actually get up and move," Ed said with a snort, shoving at his younger brother's shoulder as the car pulled to a stop. Al stuck out his tongue with a pout but kept his eyes defiantly shut as he burrowed his head into the neck of his coat as if he were a turtle. 

"Fine, be like that," Ed said with a laugh as he moved to climb out of the car. "You can stay here, and the rest of us will go enjoy ourselves at the carnival witho—" 

"No!" Al said, snapping his eyes open and jumping into a sitting position. He narrowed his eyes at Ed, then rearranged his coat with a huff. "Cold's fine. I love the cold. Yippee, cold." 

"Am I detecting sarcasm from my dear sweet baby brother?" Ed said with a wide grin as he held the door open while Al struggled to crawl out from his spot in the middle. 

"Yeah," Al said in a deadpan voice as he stepped out of the car. "That's good that you actually caught it that time, Brother. Usually your sarcasm detector is broken." 

"I-I... It's not broken!" Ed spluttered, slamming the car door shut as Al smirked. "I, like, I'm-I'm the most sarcastic person, I basically invented—" He then paused, frowning as he thought back over what Al had said just a moment ago. "Waaait, was that sarcasm too?" 

"See? Usually broken," Al said with a triumphant grin. 

The stream of curse words that came out of Ed's mouth flipped between Amestrian and German, but Winnie and Noah still understood exactly what he was saying, all the same. 

As they had been arguing, Winnie had been talking to their driver, presumably thanking him or tying up any loose ends from the whole arrangement. Ed wasn't sure exactly what had convinced someone to make an entire trip just to drop people off at a carnival several towns away, let alone being fine with having the date of that trip change so unexpectedly several times. But even so, Ed was grateful that somehow this Fritz Lang guy had the kind of connections that made that possible. 

"Okay," Winnie said, turning back to Ed, Al, and Noah with a grin. "I need to go talk to the owner and get directions on where we're going to be sleeping and such for the next few days." 

"Man," Ed said, raising his eyebrows. "You always know what needs to happen next. It's like you're... following a script or something." 

"It's called having a plan, Edward," Winnie said with a laugh. "You should try it sometime. Now, shall we?"

She gestured her hands towards the front entrance, but Ed just barely caught the slight flinch from Noah at the words. She had her arms crossed over her chest, looking towards the carnival with a frown. 

"I... I'll catch up with you guys in a bit," Noah said, her voice barely above a whisper, her hair hanging in front of her face as she stared down at the ground, gripping her own biceps in a tight hug as if to reassure herself. Ed frowned and took a few steps closer to her, debating between reaching out to comfort her or staying in his own bubble, unsure if the thoughts in his head would even be comforting. Was she upset in the first place because of him? Was this because she regretted lying to Al earlier?

"Do you want me to stay with you?" Ed murmured, and she looked up at him with wide eyes. 

"Y-You don't have to. It-It's fine. I just... Just need a minute," Noah stammered, her expression flickering between so many emotions that it was hard for Ed to keep up. Still, he could at least parse out that even if she was saying it was fine, something about having him around reassured her. Even if he acknowledged that maybe his presence was reassuring to her because it reminded her of the person she actually wanted. 

"I'll stay with Noah," he said, looking back to Al and Winnie. "Do you think we could just... meet back here at the front gates when you two are done?" 

Al made a conflicted face, looking between Ed and Winnie like a puppy getting called by two masters at once. "But, Brother..." 

Ed's mind flicked back to the car and how he had woken up with Al clinging to him. Or how Al had scrambled to his feet at the thought of Ed going to the carnival without him. It reminded Ed a little too much of how he had acted himself when Al had first gotten his body back. Ed hadn't been willing to go much further than four feet away from Al back then, even if it meant trotting up and down hospital hallways while Al was wheeled around in a bed. He was too scared that maybe it was a dream, that maybe if he looked away for five minutes, that would of course be the minute that something went wrong. 

"It's okay, Al," Ed murmured, making direct eye contact with Al's strange grey eyes and holding it. "I'm okay. Promise." 

He was able to say it without even feeling like a guilty liar, even if he knew that deep down, he was. Because on the surface, he was telling the truth. He was okay. It was just a question of who "he" was in the first place. Al considered for a long quiet moment, his expression stormy. 

"Okay," Al finally said. He turned his body towards Winnie, but kept his head pointed in Ed's direction, like an owl. "But don't go wandering off. You gotta be here when we get back." 

"Sure thing, bud," Ed said with a nod as he watched Al follow Winnie toward the carnival entrance before turning his attention back to Noah. She was standing a few steps away from him, her shoulders tense as she fiddled with the hem of her jacket. She had thrown her hood up over her head, whether from the cold or because she wanted to hide, he couldn't be sure. He hesitated a moment before reaching out towards her, and as he did, she reached up to pull the hood tighter around her face. There was something about the movement that was oddly familiar to Ed, something about that movement with the circus tents in the background felt familiar to him, like one of those dreams that were so vivid when you were asleep, but then slipped through your fingers like water when you woke up. 

"We... met at the carnival..." Ed said slowly as he touched her shoulder, frowning as if he were waking up from a year-long sleep. Noah's eyes went wide and she flinched at his touch, but didn't fully pull away from him. Something about the look in her eyes was familiar in that same way, and Ed was smacked with another wave of memories, remembering how she had reached for him when those men had grabbed her. 

"Right..." he murmured, his face creasing into a frown. "No wonder the idea of going back to a carnival freaks you out." 

Noah was silent for a long moment, her eyes wide as she swallowed a lump in her throat, her chest heaving with panicked breaths. After a long, quiet minute of the two of them staring at one another, she finally yanked away from his touch. Something about the spell snapped, and Ed shook his head, suddenly gasping for air as if he had just been rescued from drowning. 

"Who are you?" Noah whispered, her voice tight.

Ed took a step back, his eyes widening in surprise at the question. There was something intense to Noah's gaze that caught him off guard. He couldn't figure out exactly what she was feeling, but all he was able to pick up was that she was angry for some reason. He hadn't seen her get angry like that, let alone angry with him, and there was something a little bit terrifying about it. 

"I-I'm Ed," he stammered. 

"Which Ed?" 

"The... Same Ed," he said, fumbling for a way to even answer the question in the first place. "I mean, the one... not from here? I mean. Neither of us are really from Germany, I guess, but... You know. Kai. Not Sylvan." 

"Then why," Noah started, her voice cracking, "do you have his memories?" 

"His..." Ed started, frowning, and then the pieces started clicking into place. The memory of Noah frantically reaching for him, the way he'd instinctively said that Noah and him had met at the carnival. Those weren't strange scraps of memories from a dream, those were Sylvan's memories, actual memories of when he'd first met Noah. God. He could only imagine how that felt for Noah, to suddenly see memories that she thought she'd never see again, to have him talking as if he had switched back one minute and then saying he was Kai the next. Why had he randomly started just saying whatever thoughts entered his head, anyway? Why did he feel the need to say anything about the weird half-memories floating through his head? 

Not like it would have mattered with Noah, though. 

"You did this before too," Noah said slowly, and Ed snapped his head back to look at her. "When we were running. I tried not to think about it, but. You knew the way. You knew the way. Why do you have his memories?"

"I don't," Ed said, frowning and tapping at his head. "I mean, not usually. Sometimes it's just like... getting hit with that feeling that something's familiar but you don't know why because you've never been there before, but somehow it feels like you've been there a thousand times before." 

She just stared at him for a long, silent minute, clutching her coat around herself as she stared, seeming to consider him carefully. Ed could tell she was fighting to keep her face as neutral as possible, but even so, a tear escaped and slipped down her cheek. 

"Is it bec..." Noah started, then slightly choked on the word. She paused, swallowing the sobs and taking in a breath as she wiped the tear away. "Is it because he's dying? Are you... absorbing him or something?"

Ed felt a lump form in his throat at Noah's question, her words hanging heavy in the air between them. He had never considered that possibility before, the idea that Sylvan's fading memories were somehow seeping into his own consciousness. The thought sent a chill down his spine that had nothing to do with the cool morning air.

"No, no, of course not," he said softly.

"How do you know?" 

Ed swallowed, but found himself at a loss for words. The honest answer was that he didn't know. He didn't know anything about the entire situation. He didn't exactly have some sort of guidebook, like, "What to Expect When You’ve Traded Bodies With Another Version of Yourself, but Uh Oh, He Looks Like He’s Going to Die—in Your Body! Now What?" There weren't really other case studies for him to compare—

He paused, struck with the memory from when he'd first shown up and Al had mentioned that Sylvan had done this whole body-switching thing once before. 

"Maybe," he started slowly. "Maybe it's a sign that he's coming back. I mean, when he switched with the Ed from this world, he snapped back to his own body when he died, right? So maybe, when my body dies, he and I will just... automatically switch back." 

Noah looked anything but relieved at that potentiality, instead giving Ed a horrified look. "But then you would—" 

"Well, yeah," Ed said, wincing. "That's... unfortunate. But hey, you'd have your guy back!"

Noah stared at Ed, her expression a mixture of shock and disbelief. "That's not fair," she whispered with a shake of her head. "That's not fair. What about your wife and kids? Are you even thinking about them?" 

"Of course I am," Ed said, frowning and looking down at his hands. Why he looked there for answers first, he couldn't entirely say. Maybe because part of him was hoping that if he looked down and saw two flesh hands, he could be sure that he was the person he was supposed to be. But of course, he just found himself staring at the wrong hands again, wondering yet again why something so familiar could feel so wrong. 

"It's just... complicated," he finally said with a sigh as he looked back up at Noah. "If I think about... home too much, it... it hurts all the time. It's unbearable. But then there's you and Al, and hey, you're important to this other me, and I would want him taking care of my family too, so I focus on taking care of you guys, but then it's like... I'm focused on this world. On fixing things." 

He paused, frowning and flexing his automail hand, thinking back to how determined he had been to repair it as quickly as possible, as if he were fighting a deadline to prove that he could actually be useful. 

"I think..." he started slowly, "I think that somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that if I could... make things better for you all somehow, it would prove that this wasn't a complete waste. Or... Or maybe it would prove that I was... better. Like if I could fix the things he couldn't, then it would prove that I had my shit more together than him. The superior Ed." 

Noah made a face and crossed her arms over her chest. "You're the same person as him. Why would you need to prove you're better than him?" 

Ed was quiet for a long moment, pinching together his automail fingers in concentration. 

"I don't know," he finally sighed in defeat, though it sounded more like an excuse than an admission even to his own ears. Perhaps that was what pushed him to keep going, to keep saying things even if he'd just admitted to not knowing. "Maybe because he was just this... sad, cynical man in brown who left home. And maybe I looked at him and saw my dad. Maybe I looked at him and was scared. And maybe I thought that if I could prove I made better choices than him, then I wouldn't have to worry that deep down, I was just like him." 

"Oh, Ed." Noah's expression softened, and she reached out to grab his arm. He almost wanted to apologize to her for whatever memories followed her touching him, because he was pretty sure that just about any of his thoughts right then were painful enough to warrant a hundred apologies. But before he could open his mouth to apologize, he suddenly found himself swimming in an unfamiliar memory, small and tugging at a brown dress embroidered with flowers. 

"Momma," he found himself saying as he tugged at the dress of a young woman. "Momma, what was Papa like? Was he like me?"

"Of course," Noah's mother said with a laugh. The baby Noah in the memory seemed to take that as reassurance that of course everything was fine, because Momma would never smile if things weren't fine. But grown-up Ed looking through her eyes could see the way that the smile didn't reach all the way up to her mother's tired eyes. 

"What about me is like Papa?" Noah persisted, pressing closer against her mother's leg, straining to see the dough her mother was kneading high up on the counter. 

"Noah..." her mother sighed, nudging at the child clinging to her leg. "I'm busy right now, can we talk later?" 

"Your hair is curly, but mine is straight," Noah continued, pulling at her own hair as if to examine it. "And Lenora and Hester's hair is curly, but Katarina's is straight like mine. And you said. You said that's because Lenora and Hester have your hair and because Katarina has Papa's hair, so does that mean that I have Papa's hair too?" 

"How do you have this many words this early in the morning?" her mother said with a deep sigh. 

"Which of your body parts did I get anyway?" Noah said, spinning around and looking at herself as if she were trying to catalog everything about her own appearance. She picked up a chunk of her hair, holding it up to her face util it was only a quarter of an inch away from her eyeball. "Because I don't think I got your eyes, either. We all have brown eyes, but when you look really closely, everyone else has browny-bluey eyes. But I have browny-yellowy eyes which I think is better anyway, but does that mean that I have Papa's eyes?" 

"I suppose so," Noah's mother sighed, not looking up from her work. 

"I like your hair better. It has more fun. Because yours is like, woowoowoo spinny, but mine is just... bwamp," Noah concluded, dropping her hair and reaching towards her mother again. "But Momma. Momma. Momm—" 

Except when she touched her mother, her words were abruptly cut off as Ed felt Noah get yanked into one of her mother's memories, dragging him along with her. He was beginning to wonder if maybe he could get lost in layer after layer of memory, pressed like a petal underneath the weight of it all. 

Her mother's memory was filled with fear, with a terrifying man looming over her, his eyes the same warm shade of brown as Noah's. There was something uncannily familiar about him in a way Ed couldn't quite place, but he couldn't focus fully on it, because there was an additional layer of fear emanating from Noah and making him feel it deep within himself as he watched through her eyes. Scared because she didn't understand what was happening, wasn't familiar with seeing people's memories, wasn't sure why Momma was so scared of the man, wasn't sure why this strange man had the same eyes as her. 

But Ed wasn't a child. Ed understood what happened when women were caught alone and vulnerable and surprised. Ed understood what it meant when a man looked at a woman with that terrifying, predatory sneer. Ed understood why the man felt so familiar, because his face was the same shape as Noah's. Ed understood that what had happened to Rosé was way more common than most people cared to admit. 

Wait, what exactly had happened to Rosé, again?

"Momma," baby Noah said, jerking out of the memory, tears streaming down her face. "Why are you thinking about that scary man? Momma, why was he—"

"I told you not to talk about those visions!" her mom yelped, spinning to look at Noah with wide, terrified eyes that only made Noah cry harder. "Do not talk about those visions, do you hear me? What have I told you?" 

"That it's the devil whispering in my ear," Noah said through her sobs, flinching backward and covering her face. "I'm sorry, Momma, I'm sorry, I promise I won't—"

The memory cut off and Ed broke out of it with a gasp. He could feel tears streaming down his face, and when he looked down, he realized that Noah had let go of his arm. It occurred to him that he must have been so stuck in the memory, so emotional, that Noah had noticed and forced it to stop by pulling away even when he wasn't aware he had still been touching her. And she was dealing with seeing potential memories like that any time she walked down a crowded street and bumped into someone, but she had somehow learned how to not react, how to keep walking with a straight face no matter what she happened to see. 

"Sorry," she whispered, slowly pulling her hand away from him, curling her arms around herself like she wanted to compact herself as small as possible. "I'm... still getting used to other people seeing inside my head." 

"Noah," Ed whispered, his voice cracking as he reached out for her, grabbing both her arms as if he could stabilize her. The memory didn't pick up where it had left off, but Ed could still feel the pinpricks of dozens of similar other memories rushing past him, pushing through his brain with instant comprehension almost as if he'd lived through it himself, just as alchemical knowledge had once done to him in the Gate. 

"You have nothing to apologize for," he said, squeezing her for emphasis. He tried to think of any sort of words that would mean something in the situation, but he was stuck speechless. "I mean... Fuck, Noah."

"Yeah," she whispered, looking down at the ground instead of at him. She paused, seeming to debate internally about what she was going to say before she looked up at him again. There was something about her expression that burned. From immense pain that no child should have to shoulder, yes, but also a defiant stubbornness. Like the last flickers of a raging fire that refused to be stamped out for anyone else's comfort. 

"I was born right after Papa passed away," she started slowly. "Close enough that Momma didn't find out until after he was gone, so she called me her miracle baby. I think... maybe she wanted to believe I was Papa's daughter. Maybe she thought that if she buried things deeply enough, they wouldn't be able to hurt her anymore."

She paused, a bitter smile cracking her face. "And then she was born with a daughter that could read her mind. And I think she always resented me a little for not letting her run."

"Noah..."

"Of course, there were some people in the caravan that thought my birth didn't line up as nicely as Momma liked to pretend it did, so there were always... whispers," Noah continued, caught up in the telling of her childhood now that she had started. "There were already people who thought I was... ungodly. But then when they realized I could see in their heads, well.

"Plenty of people thought it was useful at first. They said that maybe I really was a miracle child, a blessing sent by Papa as a final act of love. I was able to catch thieves, I could tell who was untrustworthy, and there were a few times I was the last resort when no one could tell who was telling the truth. I once saw a memory of a man murdering his wife, Ed. I was eight."

Ed could only stare at her in stunned silence. He wasn't unfamiliar with what it meant to walk through hell and back again before you'd even reached a birthday with double digits, but goddamn. That didn't make it any less horrific. 

"The more lies I uncovered, the more people seemed to hate me," she continued with a sigh. "And then there were the whispers. People whispered about how my birthday didn't line up perfectly with Papa's death, that I couldn't be his, that I didn't even look like him. And some people started saying that maybe I'd been sent as a curse instead of a blessing." 

"And then my sisters..." Noah started, but her words cut off with a sob that she tried to contain. But she didn't even need words, because Ed was still holding her, and the memory swirled around him without her even needing to say a word. 

"I have good news, Noah," Hester said as she slowly closed the door behind her. Noah couldn't help but notice the envelope clutched in her sister's hands. "There's a man who's written asking for your hand in marriage." 

Noah looked up from her embroidery, her jaw hanging slightly slack. "There... is?"

"There is!" Hester said with a wide grin. "Apparently there's actually a man who doesn't immediately go running for the hills when he hears about a woman who can see all his thoughts with a touch! Isn't that great news? Now you won't have to be alone forever!" 

Noah made a face, putting her embroidery down on the table. She didn't miss the fact that Hester was all the way on the other side of the table, as far from Noah as possible. Not that Noah would have broken the bubble that had slowly grown around her for years, not unless absolutely necessary. 

"I wouldn't have been alone. I have you. And Lenora. And Katarina. And Momma." 

"Not when we get married." 

"Well, I'll still have Momma." 

"Noah!" Hester said with a groan, throwing her hands in the air. "Don't you want to get married? Have kids? Start a family of your own?"

"I don't even know who he is," Noah said quietly. "Let alone how I feel about spending the rest of my life with him."

"Noah," Hester said seriously, placing both hands on the table as she leaned forward. "That's normal for marriage. And honestly, I would think you'd be happy you got an offer at all. We've all been thinking you would die an old maid. There's a man out there who wants you exactly the way you are. This is amazing." 

Noah was quiet for a minute, letting the words sink in. The thought of leaving behind her family and everything she'd ever known sounded absolutely terrifying, but Hester had a point. This man had been told about her abilities, and he'd still offered a proposal. He wasn't scared of her. There was a man who actually wanted her. Her mind spun with possibilities of what kind of a man wouldn't be scared of a woman who exposed all his secrets. Maybe he was one of those little watery types of men who didn't really have much to hide (because there wasn't much going on in his head in the first place). Or maybe he was the sort of man who didn't have anything to hide because he didn't mind if people thought badly of him. 

Or maybe... (And she let her mind spin with old fairytales, even if it wasn't particularly practical to do so.) Maybe he was some sort of dark, lonely prince. A man who had heard about her and understood what it was like to be brushed aside by society and misunderstood. Maybe he had been in some sort of terrible accident as a child and now had a terrible disfiguration covering half of his face, making it so no one wanted to talk to him. But then he heard about Noah, and knew that she would be able to look past his outward appearance and see the gentle soul he was underneath. Maybe they could just live in his castle away from the world, not needing anyone other than one another, because they understood each other so completely. 

And even if it was impractical, Noah found herself smiling at the daydream. Even if she didn't know him, she would finally have someone who wanted her. She would be able to get a hug whenever she wanted, brush his shoulder as she walked past, or even just sit beside one another with their shoulders touching. 

And suddenly Noah felt a deep hunger inside herself to know what it was like to be able to touch someone so casually. 

"Where is he?" she murmured. 

"Munich," Hester said, grinning as she straightened up. "He'll be waiting to meet you at the carnival, so you're coming with us." 

"That's so soon," Noah said, swallowing a lump in her throat.

"Well, how long do you want to wait for your life to start?" her older sister said with a shrug as she turned to head out of the room. When her hand was on the doorknob, she turned back to look at Noah. "Oh, and don't forget to wear a headscarf. You're an engaged woman now, after all." 

"My sisters didn't usually take me to carnivals," Noah said softly, snapping Ed out of the memory and back to the present. "People usually want fortune tellers to tell them their future, not their past. Most people aren't particularly keen on paying someone to remind them of all the things they've tried to forget. I was... excited."

"And then they took me to Hanussen's tent, and I thought, surely he's not the man I'm supposed to marry. He's at least a decade older than me, and the last time I'd spoken to him, he hadn't taken very well to me calling him a charlatan. But then Lenora and Katarina were saying I was supposed stay with him, and I realized..." 

Another memory pushed at Ed's mind, coming and leaving quickly even though the words hung in the air without anyone having spoken them aloud. 

"You only brought me here so you could sell me." 

The memory shifted again, scraps of frantic thoughts assaulting Noah as she ran through the crowd, desperately looking for somewhere to disappear. And then Ed found the air kicked out of his chest when the memory suddenly shifted to an image of him, frowning and tilting his head to the side in consideration. 

"And that's when you met m— I mean, him," Ed said, feeling like the air had been kicked out of his chest. 

"Yeah," Noah said with a small smile. She looked off into the distance for a minute, lost in her own thoughts before she finally turned back to look at Ed. "So? Do you think I'm a monster?"

"W-W-What?" Ed spluttered, looking at her with a horrified expression. "God, Noah, no, of course not! Why would you even ask that? You're the furthest fucking thing from a monster! You're resilient, and brave, and kind, a-a-and. I mean, your abilities aren't a curse, they're—" 

"I'm not talking about my abilities," Noah said with a shake of her head. "I'm talking about my father." 

Ed frowned. "But he died before you were born, what's that got to do with—" 

"Not Papa. My father." 

"Oh." Ed stiffened, his expression hardening. "...What about him?" 

"He's a monster," Noah said simply, and then gestured at herself. "And he's in my blood. Every time I look in the mirror, I can pick out the parts of me that aren't my mother, and I think 'that's him.' Every time I've had something different about me, something I did that my sisters didn't, I always ended up wondering if maybe that was him. And sometimes, I've found myself capable of doing terrible things, betraying friends, and I wonder. Am I like this because I'm related to him? Can I really never escape him just because he's in my blood, in my mirror? So. What do you think? Is it possible for me to escape? Or am I doomed to be a monster?" 

Ed stared at her for a long minute, his chest heaving as the implications sank in. He looked away from her, swallowing the lump in his throat and pulling his left hand away from her so he could run it through his hair, frowning as he tried to figure out how to put his feelings into words. 

"That's not fair," he croaked. "It's not the same. Your dad didn't murder an entire country. I mean, even if I forgive him for what he's done to me, even if I can understand that it was all circumstances outside of his control, even if I believe he's changed... That doesn't undo the damage he's done. I don't... I can't ever let myself fall into... I don't want to keep hurting the people around me." 

"Ed," Noah said softly, and he turned his head back to look at her. Her expression was soft and gentle as she reached out and took his hand. "Are you scared because you looked at yourself and saw your father, or are you scared because you looked at your father and saw yourself?" 

Ed frowned and tilted his head. "That's... the same thing." 

"It's not though," Noah said with a deep sigh. "What I mean is... It's easy when you're just dealing with a bad guy outside of yourself. It's easy to blame someone else for everything going wrong. You're the reason I'm like this, you're the reason everything is terrible. I think... I don't know. Maybe you've been wrapped up in being mad at your dad and working through your feelings about everything he did to you. But if you believe him, understand him, and forgive him... Well, maybe you're just mad at him out of habit. Because it's easy. Or, at least, easier than facing who you're really upset with." 

He could only stare at her for a long moment, speechless. 

"Who am I upset with?" he croaked, as if he didn't know the answer. As if he didn't have to stare down the answer's golden eyes every time he went to sleep and woke up in the void again.

Chapter Text

"Ed," Noah said softly, and he turned his head back to look at her. Her expression was soft and gentle as she reached out and took his hand. "Are you scared because you looked at yourself and saw your father, or are you scared because you looked at your father and saw yourself?"

Ed frowned and tilted his head. "That's... the same thing."

"It's not though," Noah said with a deep sigh. "What I mean is... It's easy when you're just dealing with a bad guy outside of yourself. It's easy to blame someone else for everything going wrong. You're the reason I'm like this, you're the reason everything is terrible. I think... I don't know. Maybe you've been wrapped up in being mad at your dad and working through your feelings about everything he did to you. But if you believe him, understand him, and forgive him... Well, maybe you're just mad at him out of habit. Because it's easy. Or, at least, easier than facing who you're really upset with."

He could only stare at her for a long moment, speechless.

"Who am I upset with?" he croaked, as if he didn't know the answer. As if he didn't have to stare down the answer's golden eyes every time he went to sleep and woke up in the void again.

Ed and Noah were interrupted from the moment by the reappearance of Al and Winnie, calling out and waving as they walked back through the front gate. They were accompanied by a third person, a woman in slacks and an emerald green top with flowy sleeves. Pinned at the very top of her shirt, right at her neck, was a large brooch with a huge, glittering blue stone. The woman walked with a kind of graceful purpose, both dancer and no-nonsense businesswoman all at once. Her dark hair was tied back in a simple bun at the nape of her neck and while her clothes were elegant, they were also well worn—definitely the clothes of someone who worked for a living. There was something almost scary about this woman that reminded Ed of a bird of prey. Beautiful and elegant, but also ruthlessly efficient. 

"Welcome," she said, extending a hand out to Ed as she approached. "I'm Marlene Adler. My husband and I own this circus. I assume you're Edward and Noah Elric?" 

Ed tried to disguise the choked sound he made as some sort of cough. He knew everyone had been assuming Noah was his wife, but there was something different about hearing his last name——his mother's last name—attached to her. 

"Yes, that's us," Noah said, stepping between him and Marlene to shake the older woman's hand. 

"Wonderful," Marlene said with a smile that seemed actually genuine, and it made Ed feel a little more at ease. It seemed like Marlene actually was happy to have them there, even if she had a bit of an intimidating aura at first glance. Noah readjusted so that she was less between him and Marlene and more nestled against his side.

"As I was explaining to your brother and his wife," Marlene said, as though she was simply continuing a thread of conversation that Ed was entirely unaware of. "Fritz and my husband have been closely acquainted for a number of years now. When Fritz told us about everything the four of you have been through, I felt compelled to offer my assistance. We have a couple of compartments that aren't currently in use, so we've arranged for you to use them until we get to Frankfurt." 

"Frankfurt?" Ed said, blinking. "I thought our ship was in Bremen."

"Unfortunately, our first stop of the season is Frankfurt," Marlene said smoothly, frowning slightly as she spoke. "So we won't be able to take you all the way. I believe Fritz has arranged transportation to meet you in Frankfurt and take you on the last leg of the journey to Bremen."

Ed's mind whirled as he processed the news. He knew logically that it wasn't as if he were being sidetracked. This plan had been arranged in a way that they would be able to make it to the ship on time, he reminded himself. And yet, somehow, it still felt like they were being delayed, and it made something inside him twitch with urgency. He knew he should probably take comfort in the trip taking as long as possible, giving Sylvan as long as possible to potentially find a solution. But he couldn't shake the feeling that ever since the apartment had burned down, it felt like he was running from fire, as if all of Germany was the fire itself. Like if he didn't get out soon enough, he would end up catching fire, too. 

Or worse, Noah could get caught in the flames. 

He couldn't say exactly why it felt like that. Maybe it was because the apartment being burned down made him realize how serious things had really gotten. Maybe it was because a part of him could recognize the patterns, even if he couldn't point out why exactly the pattern was familiar. He had been born just after Bradley had taken power, after all. His mom had sometimes talked about how things had been when she had been a little girl, and he remembered marveling at how different it all sounded. Now, he was scared to see a country that reminded him of home, when he knew exactly how deep the rot in Amestris had gone in the end. How many Ishvallans had died in the crossfire? And now Noah was part of that hated demographic. 

Something about it hit differently when it affected his family directly, and it ashamed Ed to realize it. 

"Thank you very much," Al said, snapping Ed out of his spiral and back to the conversation. "It's very generous of you." 

"Generosity has nothing to do with it," Marlene said, her eyes softening. She then turned to look directly at Noah. “Enough of the world already hates people like us. We need to make sure to always look out for one another. If we don't, we'll have nothing left."

'People like us?' Ed blinked, turning the words over in his head. Did that mean that Marlene was also Roma? Her skin was almost lighter than his own, but in hindsight, Ed supposed, that didn't really mean anything. After all, no one would assume he was part Xerxian at first glance. 

He frowned. Or at least, he had been part Xerxian. But something like that wouldn't change, right? They looked the same, so... But then again, hadn't Al said something weird about their Hohenheim taking over other people's bodies? So it probably wasn't likely he would have found a living Xerxian... But if Hohenheim hadn't destroyed Xerxes, then did Sylvan's world even have a Xerxes? Was it still living? Or had it somehow fallen through different means? 

Ed tried to silently shake the thought out of his head. He didn't have time to think about weird parallel world philosophy stuff like that. 

"I'm sure you're all tired after driving all night," Marlene said, breaking through Ed’s tumultuous thoughts. "I'll show you to your rooms and let you relax for a few hours. I'm afraid you've missed breakfast, but we'll be having lunch at noon in the dining tent."

Relax. Ed could practically feel his shoulders slump in relief at the thought. Having their own rooms meant there had to be some sort of bed, something better than the uncomfortable car seat from the night before. It was like the exhaustion suddenly existed where it hadn't before just at the promise of being able to rest. Not to mention the promise of a hot meal had Ed's mouth watering in anticipation. 

Marlene turned and gestured for them to follow her, walking with a purposeful authority. Ed grabbed his suitcase, making sure Noah had managed to grab her own suitcase before he started following after Marlene, Al and Winnie already a few steps ahead of him and Noah. 

As they walked towards the brightly colored tents that dotted the clearing, he caught snippets of laughter and music wafting through the air from somewhere deeper within the circus grounds. It seemed surreal, almost out of place. It was so... normal. Everything was always so normal lately, and yet nothing was normal. Ed was beginning to wonder if anything would ever feel normal again, and yet he was always surrounded by these surreal reminders of life continuing on as it always had before. As it probably always would, to some extent. It was strange how even in the middle of everything falling apart, groceries needed to be gotten, laundry needed to be done, and meals needed to be made. And somehow, in the middle of all the chaos and chores, little scraps of happiness would manage to sneak in. Somehow, there was still laughter and music and love, as there had always been before. As there always would be. 

"Over there is where we keep all our animals," Marlene said, pointing over to a cluster of pens and cages. Ed squinted, catching glimpses of elephants and horses with vibrant colors painted on their stalls. 

"Oh my... Is... Is that a tiger?" Al said, and Ed nearly burst out laughing at the familiar excited rise in Al's voice. Even being from an entirely different world wasn't enough to change Al's obsession with cats of any shape and size. Who cared if it was a giant predator that could rip Al apart in five seconds? It was a giant predator kitty, that was all that mattered. 

"Yes, that's Jaya," Marlene said with a small smile. We're very lucky to have her and her mate. I believe he's currently doing training, though." 

"You have two tigers?" Al said, his voice nearly a screech. 

"Would you like to meet them later? Our animal handler is always looking for some extra help." 

Al’s eyes glittered as though he had just unearthed a treasure. “Yes, please! I would love to help!”

"You might want to be careful," Ed said with an amused laugh. "If you keep promising Al giant kitties, you might have a hard time getting him to ever leave." 

Ed watched as Al bounded forward, practically vibrating with excitement. The lightness of Al's spirit felt contagious, and though Ed tried to reign in his own spiraling thoughts, it was difficult not to feel a slight lifting at the edges of his own heaviness. Maybe it was okay to lean into this moment. Maybe laughter could coexist with lingering shadows.

Marlene continued to weave through the carnival. The clusters of tents got sparser and sparser until they had eventually faded behind them, replaced by boxes and storage. Further back was a set of train tracks with a train standing in the morning light, its cars covered in bright colors and banners that advertised the carnival. 

"This is where we house quarters for anyone who doesn't have a personal wagon," Marlene explained as she led them up the stairs. "They're small, but you should have everything you need." 

When she said the rooms were small, she really wasn't kidding. Each one wasn't much bigger than a closet, with a bed against the wall that almost looked like a sofa, and another bed attached to the wall above like a bunk bed that could be folded away when not in use. The other wall had a built-in wardrobe and cabinet combination of some sort. 

Ed stepped in the tiny room, dropping his suitcase in front of the lower bed with a thunk. He then glanced around, taking in the smallness of the room. It was cramped but efficient, certainly more comfortable than sleeping on the hard benches of Amestrian trains like he had done one too many times. 

Noah entered behind him, her expression a mixture of relief and curiosity. "It's cozy," she remarked with a soft smile. 

"I'll let you get settled," Marlene said, turning to leave the train. "Feel free to find me if you need anything." 

"So how are we splitting rooms?" Al said, leaning his shoulder against the door frame. "Boys in one room, girls in the other?"

"Oh," Ed said, frowning as he looked over at Noah. It suddenly occurred to him that he had only shared a bed with Noah for one night, and he had immediately been so used to the idea of sharing a bed that he had forgotten maybe it wasn't a permanent arrangement. And then he realized that there was a certain comfort in the thought of her being around, like Noah had become some sort of lifeline for him. The idea of having to keep the mask up and always pretend to be Sylvan because he was sharing a room with Al sounded exhausting, and Ed felt guilty almost as soon as he thought it. 

"Don't be silly," Winnie said, giving Al's arm a light smack. "Just because it's bunk beds doesn't mean the married couple won't want to share a room. You and I can make it work." 

Ed felt relief wash over him at Winnie's teasing words, but Al's face fell slightly, his eyebrows bunching into a frown. Right. He probably wanted extra time to catch up with the person who he thought was actually his brother. Al caught his eye and raised an eyebrow at him as if to ask, 'What do you want, Brother?'

Sylvan was in love with Noah. If it was obvious enough that Ed could see it, then Al had to have seen it long ago. So logically, it wouldn't look weird if Ed wanted to spend more time with Noah. Hell, he was pretty sure that Sylvan would be trying to marry Noah for real if they actually managed to switch back. 

But something about it made him feel weird, like choosing Noah in that moment right then was somehow not choosing Winry. As if he was letting himself get trapped in this life, rather than worrying more about getting home to her and the kids. 

And then he glanced over at Noah, and she gave him a small, sympathetic smile. As if she knew everything he was thinking without even having to touch him. His heart raced as the weight of her gaze lingered, unraveling the threads of doubt and uncertainty he'd kept tight woven in his mind. Ed hesitated on the precipice of the choice, like a tightrope walker trying to balance as the rope wobbled underneath them. He could feel the scratchy fabric of Sylvan's life pulling around him, too snug and yet hauntingly familiar. 

"If Winnie's okay with sharing, then it'd be nice," Ed said slowly, keeping his eyes on Noah as he said it, as if not looking at Al would make it easier to say. Once he'd finished the sentence, he took in a breath and looked over at Al, trying to gauge his reaction. Al was frowning like he sometimes did when he was trying to solve a puzzle, but then the frown was almost immediately gone, replaced with a sigh and shrug.

"I guess it makes sense," Al said in a tone that almost sounded upbeat, but Ed could just barely catch the tense undercurrent. He wondered if Al was wondering why Sylvan was suddenly more interested in Noah than his brother. Had Ed messed up and made it too obvious that he hadn't switched back? But wouldn't it seem even weirder if Kai wanted to share a room with Noah when he was married to Winry?

Ed fought the urge to hold a hand to his head with the complicated thoughts. The more he tried to keep up this lie, the more it was starting to feel like he couldn't fully tell the difference between Kai and Sylvan. Was that just the future he was doomed to if Sylvan couldn't switch them back? Would he end up trying to be Sylvan so much that he someday forgot who Kai was?

"Well, I think I want to go explore and stretch my legs," Winnie said, stretching her arms over her head with a grin. "What about you, Al? We could go see those tigers." 

"Yeah!" Al's frown was immediately replaced by a bright grin, and Ed marveled at the fact that cats could change his little brother's mood that drastically and quickly. Winnie was already throwing her and Al's suitcases in the room next door as Al looked over to Ed and Noah. "Are you two coming?"

"My neck's still sore from the car," Ed said, reaching up to rub at his neck. "I think I'm going to lay down until lunch." 

"I think I'm going to get settled," Noah said softly, glancing down at her suitcase. "Everything has been so busy, I didn't even get a chance to look through what Else packed for me." 

"Okay," Al said, his gaze lingering over Ed for an extra long minute. Ed fought the urge to squirm under Al's probing gaze, the air feeling thick with unspoken words. He didn't know exactly what Al was thinking, but he knew enough Elric telepathy to know something was up. There was something Al wanted to ask him or talk to him about, but he was dancing around the subject for some reason. 

"We'll see you at lunch?" he finally said, and Ed swallowed the lump in his throat. 

"Yep. See you at lunch." 

The pair slipped out, leaving the fragile silence of the tiny room enveloping Ed and Noah like a glass cocoon. Noah sank onto the edge of the lower bed, her fingers tracing the seams of her suitcase. After a minute of silence, she pulled the suitcase up onto the bed and opened it. Ed remained still, leaning against the wall with his hands shoved deep into his pockets. Her dark hair fell forward, curtaining her face as she leaned over the suitcase. He found himself captivated by the way her fingers danced over the items inside as she busied herself with methodically sorting through the precious few belongings she had left. Once she had gotten to about the middle of the clothes, she paused, her fingers curling around a small wooden box that had been wedged deep into the center of the clothes. Ed frowned and straightened, trying to get a better look at the box. 

"What's that?" 

"I'm not sure," Noah said, running her hands over the edges of the box with a frown. She undid the tarnished clasp slowly, revealing a small envelope with her name written on it in elegant, loopy calligraphy. Noah pulled out the envelope to open it, and Ed noticed that underneath was a rainbow of embroidery thread arranged in straight lines, along with a matchbook of needles and a small pair of scissors that were in the shape of a stork. The threads seemed to catch every bit of what little light filtered into the small compartment, glowing as if they were trying to become an actual rainbow themselves. 

"It's from Else," Noah said with a soft smile as her eyes skimmed over the note. She was silent for a moment as she read, her mouth turning upwards in a soft, nostalgic smile. "She wanted me to have a way to stay busy on the journey. She wants me to remember I'm still connected to the Roma people, even if there's an ocean between us." 

Noah folded the note back into its envelope, reaching out to trace her fingers over the multitude of colors with an air of reverence. "Roma have always carried our histories in things that couldn't be taken away. In our songs. In our stories. In the clothes we wear on our backs." 

Ed's thoughts flicked back to his own red coat, how it had followed him through every adventure and journey. Even when it was completely destroyed and had to be recreated, Ed always found a way to get that damn coat again. There really was a sort of stability in it, like he had found a way to shrink his home and always carry it with him on his back. 

"I was wondering what I would do with this," Noah said, digging into a pocket of her coat and pulling out a small scrap of deep red fabric. When he leaned forward to get a closer look, Ed realized that the small embroidered flowers on the fabric were achingly familiar, the edges of the fabric ragged and discolored from burns. Ed's breath caught in his throat as realization dawned on him.

"That's-"

"Part of your shirt," Noah confirmed with a small smile. "I found it buried in the rubble when we were looking for Muh-Muh. I couldn't just.. leave it."

The scrap of fabric wasn't much larger than Noah's hand, and Ed's heart broke at the thought of just how much of Noah's beautiful work had been lost. But on the other hand, it was a miracle she had managed to save any at all. Even the small scrap of fabric was more than Ed had thought he would ever see again. There was actually a full image that had managed to survive, a golden sun and silver moon nestled perfectly against one another, darkness and light existing simultaneously. It reminded Ed a little of alchemical symbolism, even if the style they were stitched in was distinctly Roma. It nagged at a little itch in the back of his mind, thinking about how if one knew embroidery, they could stitch all kinds of alchemical circles into their clothing. Never mind if Ed still could do alchemy or not; just the thought of having some familiar circles close to him sounded oddly comforting. 

Around the sun and moon was a ring of primroses, some of them cut in half where the fire had eaten away the shirt. Ed's heart twisted at seeing the destroyed part of the embroidery, like a physical representation of everything that had been lost in the fire. He reached out and gently ran his fingers over the flowers, taking in the way they felt smooth and sleek under his fingers, mourning every stitch that had been lost forever. 

"I could put it on something for you," Noah said quietly, watching how he reverently traced over the lines of thread. "It could be the start of a new embroidered shirt. If you want." 

"Really?" Ed said, his breath catching in his throat as he snapped his head up to look at her. Noah placed her other hand over his, sandwiching his hand and the embroidery between hers in a gentle clasp. For a second, it almost seemed like time slowed down for a moment, just to give Ed enough time to pause and take a mental snapshot of how Noah looked in that moment, smiling down at him with the sun streaming in from the window behind her. He had a feeling Sylvan would want to see that memory when they talked again. 

"Of course," Noah said softly. "Just tell me what you'd like me to put it on." 

Ed's mind briefly flicked to his own suitcase, thinking of sorting through his own clothes to find a new shirt for Noah to embroider. But then his thoughts once again flicked back to his old red coat, and he remembered how it had felt like a crime to throw his plain brown coat over Noah's beautiful embroidered shirt before. 

"Does it... have to be a shirt?" he said slowly, running his finger absentmindedly over the embroidery. Noah raised an eyebrow at him, so he added, "Would you be able to add it to my coat?" 

Noah hummed and let go of Ed to reach out and rub the collar of his coat between two fingers. "I suppose I could do that," she said slowly. "It's a little thicker than what I normally work with, but I don't think it's too thick. You want it that... visible?" 

"Absolutely," Ed said, already pulling the coat off. "Your embroidery is stunning, of course-"

Ed trailed off as he recognized the sad glint in Noah's eyes, and his thoughts went back to how people in Stuttgart had assumed he was Roma when he was wearing the embroidered shirt, and that had been partially hidden under a coat. If Noah were to embroider his coat—the only coat he had—then people would likely always assume he was Roma. 

His heart twisted at the worried look on Noah's face. She'd never been given a chance to choose how the world saw her. She couldn't hide her heritage by not wearing a particular shirt. 

"Noah," Ed said, and Sylvan's accent came out a little by accident, even though he knew he didn't have to pretend with Noah. Maybe it was because he had been imitating Sylvan all morning for Al's sake. Or maybe it was because he had been tapping into Sylvan's memories so much that morning that he knew exactly what Sylvan would say. 

"How many times do I have to tell you that you're family before you understand?" he said. She swallowed and stared at him with wide eyes. "I don't care if people think I'm Roma. I want to carry a piece of you with me everywhere. The outside of me might as well reflect what's already true on the inside." 

Noah could only stare at him for a long, silent moment, her eyes shining as she considered him. She opened her mouth to speak, paused with her mouth hanging open for a few seconds before she closed it again, tightening her lips and shaking her head. When she fully looked at Ed again, a tear was sliding down her cheek. 

"Stop it," she whispered. "Don't pretend to be him for me." 

Ed's chest tightened at her words, the accusation hanging in the air. He hadn't intended to pretend anything, but there was still that strange Sylvan heartbeat pulsing somewhere in the back of his throat. Ed struggled for words, staring at the embroidery still clutched in his hands, his eyes focusing on the sun and moon, wondering absently if he was more the moon or the sun in this situation. He felt like the sun, constantly chasing across the sky for someone they would never be able to catch. Or maybe he was the moon, reflecting a brightness that wasn't even around anymore. 

"I'm not..." he started, his voice a croak. "I'm not pretending. I'm just-" he struggled to articulate his thoughts. Any words felt inadequate in that moment, but no words at all seemed cruel. "I'm just trying to.... figure out where to go from here. And the only clues I have are the pieces he left behind." 

Noah stared at him for a long, silent minute. Her shoulders slumped before she finally spoke.

"Are we just going to pretend to be married for the rest of our lives?" 

"No," Ed said quickly with a shake of his head. "No. I have to believe he's going to figure out a way to fix this. We've overcome worse. I just have to trust he knows what he's doing with the Alkahest. He'll figure something out. We're just pretending until my birthday." 

Noah bit her lip and let out a slow breath as she considered him. "But what if he doesn't?" she whispered, the softness of her voice contrasting with the sharp worry in her eyes. "What if he can't come back? What then, Ed?"

Ed's heart ached at the weight of her words, the question hanging in the air like an uninvited shadow. Back when he and Al had spent all that time on the road searching for the Philosopher's Stone, there had always been the unspoken rule hanging between them. Never ask what they would do if they couldn't succeed. Maybe it was because it was too terrifying for either of them to face, or maybe it was because they both had to believe they would succeed, and letting in even the tiniest scrap of doubt made it feel harder. 

But now, the possibility of failure loomed right in front of him, Noah refusing to give him the same grace Al once had of ignoring the bitter potential truth. 

"I don't know," Ed finally admitted, the weariness settling over him like a mourning shroud. He took in a slow breath, trying to find the strength in the truth of the words. He didn't know. There were still a million different ways everything could go. They weren't trapped with only one potential future. 

"I don't know," he repeated, the words a little stronger the second time around. "But it won't do us any good to live in fear of what might or might not happen. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. If we get to it." 

Noah stared at him for a long, quiet moment, her eyes wide and shining with unshed tears. Finally, her gaze dropped back down to the embroidered scrap of shirt in Ed's hand, and she gently took it from him. 

"I didn't ask him if he wants it on his coat," she said softly, shaking the fabric slightly at Ed for emphasis. "You're the Ed here right now. Do you want me to embroider your coat?"

Ed almost opened his mouth to automatically answer that yes, of course, but then he paused. How did he know that was his answer and not Sylvan's? There was a certain weight to what Noah was asking that seemed so obvious in some ways, but it was suddenly occurring to him that the obviousness was based on the assumptions he'd made based on Sylvan's life. It was easy to know that Sylvan loved Noah enough to consider her family, because all he had to do was look around and see how Noah was woven into every inch of his life. But did that mean Kai was supposed to love her that much just because Sylvan did? Wasn't Kai supposed to love Winry? 

Where did the line even fall between him and Sylvan, anyway? All the things that made them different were things that had happened because of chance and circumstance. They were basically the same person, so why were they each in love with someone different? Why did it feel like the very fabric of his essence was being pulled in two directions at once?

"Ed?" 

Noah's voice pulled him out of his spiraling thoughts, concern laced in her tone as she reached out a hand to rest on his shoulder, as if she could anchor him. As Ed looked back at her, he realized that his eyes were wet with tears. He blinked, trying to focus on her sincere face. 

"I... I don't know," he finally managed, his voice not much more than a whisper. "Why does it matter what I want? I'm trying to believe he'll come back. Isn't it enough to just... choose the sorts of choices he would want?" 

Noah's brow furrowed, her hand still resting on his shoulder for a long moment as she considered him. He could only stare back at her, still feeling like he was about to get pulled into a dangerous riptide of thoughts, scared that he wouldn't remember who he was supposed to be if he let himself get pulled in. Finally, Noah sighed in a way that seemed like a conclusion. 

"Let's compromise," she said softly. "I'll sew this on your coat, but I'm teaching you how to embroider while I do it. You want your coat to look Roma? Then you can have a hand in creating it." 

Ed blinked, surprised by the unexpected simplicity of her solution. "Teach me?" he echoed, his voice barely escaping the confines of his throat.

"Yes," Noah said, a small smile flickering across her lips. “Embroidering is about more than just stitching patterns; it’s about weaving intentions and memories together. I want you to sew in your own story while honoring his."

She moved away from him so she could instead sit on the lower bed, pulling her box of embroidery supplies into her lap while gesturing for him to sit beside her. Ed shrugged his coat off and moved to sit beside her, watching as she started sorting through the supplies, matching a thread to the red shirt fabric, then running her finger along the line of needles before choosing one. She then looked over to Ed. 

"Have you sewn before?" 

"Uh... A little," Ed said with a wince. He almost felt guilty thinking about how many times he had repaired his coat with alchemy rather than taking the time to even fix something as simple as a popped thread. He could remember how his teacher had taught him how to sew even as she was teaching him alchemy, lecturing him on how sometimes using techniques other than alchemy could lead to a stronger result than alchemy alone would achieve. But Ed didn't usually have the time on the road to sit and stitch the holes in his jacket every time he got into a fight, even if it led to a stronger jacket. But there was no alchemy to tempt him with an easy way out anymore. 

"A lot of the same basic principles apply," Noah said, holding out the embroidery thread to him. "But the first main difference you're going to notice is the thread. Do you see how there's actually several strands twisted together in this?" 

Ed rolled the thread between his fingers and nodded. 

"Before we start working, we actually want to separate all these threads. Most of the time, we're only going to be working with two or three at a time, not all six." 

"Why separate them all?" Ed said with a frown. "If you need three threads, wouldn't it just be easier to divide the strand in half?" 

"You can," Noah said with a shrug. "But they're more likely to tangle around one another as you're working if you do it that way. You're more likely to have the threads cooperate if you separate them completely first before putting them back together." 

"Just like alchemy," Ed said with a small laugh. "Deconstruction before reconstruction." He rolled the thread between his fingers again, noting how easy it was for the threads to pull apart and separate in one direction, only to be immediately twisted back together if he went in the other direction. Six threads that made one thread, all making a thousand individual stitches that would come together to make one single image. 

"All is one, one is all," he murmured with a soft smile. 

"Exactly," Noah said with a smile of her own. She pulled the thread back from him and measured out a long piece that stretched from fingertip to fingertip, her arms stretched out to either side of her like wings. She then pinched the thread, pulling it back and snipping it at her measurement. Her fingers moved quickly, obviously used to the various movements that embroidery required.

Ed marveled as he watched. It reminded him of when he watched Winry work with metal, carefully melting and shaping molten lava like it was nothing. Or when he had been a small child, watching in awe as his mother deftly wove together the pastry for the top of a pie crust. There was just something fascinating to watching someone do something they had done a thousand times before, moving with a sureness and precision that seemed impossible to anyone who was just starting out. Maybe that was what he looked like to other people when he drew an alchemical circle like it was nothing, because it was nothing to him, just one circle among thousands and thousands of others. 

"Alright," Noah said, holding up the threaded needle. "Now. Where do you want it?" 

Ed reached out and took the scrap of fabric back from Noah as he looked over the coat. The shape of the red fabric was irregular where it had burned, and Ed was amused by the sudden thought that with the red color, it almost looked a little like a heart when turned the right way. Amused, he put it on the upper left part of his coat, right over where his heart would be when he wore it. 

"It looks like a heart," Noah said with a small chuckle. "It's like you'll have a backup. Just in case you ever have another heart attack." 

Ed laughed a little with her, something soothing in the joke even if it reminded them both of the darkness that they were dealing with outside of simple things like embroidery. It was a joke, but something about the words spoke to the part of Ed that wanted to believe in things like magic and superstition. Like maybe Noah stitching up a fabric heart would somehow be able to stitch up the real thing, like a simple piece of fabric could somehow make everything normal again. 

"My mother taught me embroidery," Noah said softly as she positioned the needle underneath the fabric. She then pulled it through, tugging to make sure the knot held tight. "She always taught me that everything we create contains a piece of our spirit." 

"Wow," Ed murmured, watching how she carefully made the first stitch, a tiny thing compared to the big, lopsided stitches he remembered doing when he'd sewn as a child. "That seems like a lot to put a piece of your spirit into something and then just... give it to someone." 

Noah chuckled and shook her head, her needle hovering for a moment as she considered Ed's words. "I suppose so. But that's just... love. Would you like to try?" 

Ed blinked as she held out the needle to him. Their fingers brushed as he took it, and he felt a spark—static from the dry air—but it jolted him nonetheless.

"I don't think I'm going to be as good as you." 

"No one starts good," Noah said with a laugh. "Starting is the important part. First we have to just attach the fabric. We'll make it pretty later." 

Ed nodded, clutching the needle tightly. He drew in a slow breath and smoothed out the fabric before bending over it and carefully, slowly, made his first stitch. Not as small and invisible as Noah's stitches, more lopsided, but still functional. Still attaching the fabric. 

"Good," Noah said with an amused smile. "Now we just do that a million more times."

Steam billowed across the platform, wrapping the arriving train in ghostly white as it hissed to a stop. It had snowed in Resembool while they had been gone, and it felt odd after just having been in the bright sun of Xenotime. It was odd how it could be winter in both places at once, and yet winter meant something completely different in each location. Ed squinted against the sun as he stepped out of the train, shielding his eyes as he stepped down to the platform. His body felt tired and achy in a different way than it always had after riding the train, and something about the sunlight against fresh snow made it feel as if the pain could develop into a migraine if he let it.

He paused for a minute, taking in the familiar scent of pine and sheep. He had hoped that returning to Resembool would bring some sense of stability, some kind of grounding that would offset how it felt like everything had fallen apart when he'd gone Xenotime. Or maybe it had been falling apart long before then and he hadn't wanted to admit it. Either way, it was still falling apart in Resembool. 

There weren't many people getting off the train, though there were more than Ed had been used to from when he'd been a teenager. Russell and Fletcher stepped onto the platform beside him, their breath visible in the cold as they took in the unfamiliar surroundings. Fletcher adjusted his scarf while Russell exhaled sharply, rubbing his hands together for warmth. 

There was a woman who had been waiting on the platform when the train pulled in, her dark hair twisted up on top of her head and a fur coat billowing out around her as she paced back and forth, her eyes scanning back and forth over the crowd. As the coat billowed out, Ed caught sight of a bright, shiny green dress underneath, perhaps some kind of silk. 

Ed was just about to start questioning why such an obviously rich woman was doing out in a place like Resembool, when Al suddenly cried out from behind him.

"Mei!"

The woman, Mei, spun at the sound of her name, a couple loose pieces of dark hair swirling around her face with the movement. Her eyes lit up as soon as she spotted Al, her face cracking into a wide grin as she rushed towards him. The distance between them vanished in seconds. Al caught her mid-leap, his arms wrapping around her waist as he spun her around, once, twice, burying his face against her neck as she laughed and held on to him for dear life. 

It was as if just reuniting had come with some sort of unstoppable energy that had to be neutralized first, like they were both on the edge of exploding just from being near each other again. Al's laughter rang like chimes in the cold air as he finally set Mei down, her feet touching solid ground once more but still encased securely within his embrace. Mei tilted her head slightly upwards to meet Al's gaze, and then the two of them were pulled together like two magnets, their lips meeting with the inevitability of the tide crashing against the shore. 

So this was the princess Al was going to be marrying. A few snowflakes were still falling, twirling lazily around the pair as they kissed. A brief pang clenched at Ed's chest like a vice, like he was intruding on something that was never meant to be his. 

Russell cleared his throat beside Ed, shifting his weight. "Well, that's one way to say hello," he muttered, earning a quiet chuckle from Fletcher. 

When they separated, Mei's cheeks were flushed, and Ed had a feeling it was from more than just the cold. 

"You're late," she accused, though the way she smiled at Al as she said it made it feel not particularly threatening. 

"There were a bunch of sheep on the tracks outside of East City," Al said with a groan that was half laughter. 

"No excuse!" Mei said with a laugh, playfully batting at his shoulders to emphasize her point. 

"What was I supposed to do, get off the train and tell the sheep, 'Oh, I'm very sorry, but you're in the way, and my girlfriend is going to be very upset, Mr. Sheep, so if you could please skedaddle, it would be much appreciated'?" Al laughed and shook Mei slightly from where he was holding her waist. Mei laughed with him and nodded, her eyes sparkling in delight. 

"Your fiancé," she corrected gently, and Al slightly froze, his eyes going wide for a second before softening. 

"Fiancé," he agreed with a smile. 

Mei's gaze then moved past him to the others, who had all hung back respectfully during the reunion. It was like a spell had broken as she pulled herself out of the private world she and Al shared, the dignified princess coming back in a way that seemed almost effortless. 

"Winry," she said with a smile, stepping forward to embrace the blonde. 

"Mei," Winry said with a bright smile of her own. "Where's Xiao Mei?" 

"Oh, back at the palace," Mei said with a small wave of her hand. "No doubt terrorizing the servants. I just didn't feel comfortable taking her on such a long trip. Her little arthritic bones hurt all the time lately, I didn't want to put her through that. It wouldn't have been fair. But anyway, that's not important. How are you?" 

"Oh, you know..." Winry said, looking over at Ed and giving him a small, sad smile. "...Managing. Doing the best we can." Russell and Fletcher shifted beside Ed, both of them suddenly looking a little uneasy. 

When Mei looked over at Ed, something in her expression shifted, her posture tensing as she took a small step backwards and frowned at him. The warmth of her earlier joy ebbed, replaced by a cautious awareness that seemed to hang between them like an invisible barrier. 

"Edward," she said with a frown, her gaze flicking over him like she was trying to do some sort of inventory. Finally, she settled on his face with a frown. "What's happened to you?" 

The question took Ed by surprise, and he let out a bitter bark of a laugh. Where was he even supposed to start? The body switch? Or the fact that he currently had Alkahest coursing through his veins? Or was he supposed to go back even further and figure out exactly where he and Kai had diverged, pinpoint when he had become the other Ed that seemed to terrify everyone so much? 

"So you see it too?" Al said, placing a hand on her shoulder, and Mei turned to look at him. Russell and Fletcher exchanged another glance, their expressions darkening, and Winry shifted her weight uncomfortably. The silence that followed was thick, and Ed could feel their collective scrutiny settle on him like an uncomfortably heavy blanket. The laughter and warmth that had filled the air just moments ago vanished, leaving only the chill of winter. 

"Of course I see it," Mei finally said with a frown, gesturing vaguely towards Ed's chest as she spoke. "His chi. It's... Not as it was. It's different." 

Ed stiffened and looked down at himself as if he would be able to see whatever she had noticed. But his chest looked the same as it always had. Or at least, he assumed it did. All he really could see was coat and shirt, but those looked normal enough. So he assumed it was probably normal underneath, considering that was how chests usually worked. Granted, not many things had been working like they were supposed to lately. 

"Different how?" he pressed. 

Mei narrowed her eyes in concentration and took another step towards Ed, raking her eyes over him as if she were studying an ancient text for some sort of clue. Ed felt oddly exposed and trapped underneath her gaze all at once, like a bug being pinned to a board for cataloging. He fought the urge to squirm underneath the intensity, instead trying to stand straight and look back at her with his head held high. 

"It's very strange," Mei finally said with a sigh. She took a few steps closer to him, her curiosity overcoming her initial tense hesitation. She held her hand out towards him, hovering inches over his heart as if she were protecting a flame from the wind. "You're still... Ed. But you're also... not. There's something strange about you now. Something darker somehow. Sadder." 

"Not inhuman," she continued in a murmur, more to herself than to him. Fletcher, frowning, gripped the strap of his bag a little tighter. "Not like the homunculi were. But altered in a fundamental way." 

"Altered?" Ed echoed with a frown. He brushed his fingers across the familiar contours of his coat until he'd slid up to the area right over his heart. He clutched at the fabric, trying to find some sense of solace in the familiar feeling. Was she sensing the Alkahest? Or was she just immediately able to tell he was a different Ed, just like Al had done? Or could it even be something else, some kind of difference he wasn't even aware of? "Do you know what's causing it?" 

Mei shook her head, her expression apologetic. "I don't have answers for you. But..." She paused, considering her next words carefully. "You should talk to Ling and Lan Fan as soon as possible. Especially Ling. After sharing his body with a homunculus, he might understand more about what's happening to your chi."

Ed bit back the urge to immediately question how exactly this person had managed to share his body with a homunculus. Instead, he glanced at Winry, who nodded subtly, like she was encouraging him to trust this stranger who had once shared a body with a deadly sin. 

"There'll be a big dinner at the embassy tonight," Mei offered. "After the long exhausting journey, everyone from the caravan is relieved to finally be done traveling. You should join us and use it as an opportunity to speak with him."

Ed swallowed hard, the weight of Mei's words settling heavily in the pit of his stomach. A "big dinner" at the embassy sounded like an insurmountable task, like something where he would be paraded around like a pet, desperately trying to keep up with how people expected Kai to behave while also balancing his own struggle to stay standing upright even as every inch of him burned in pain. 

"Sure," he managed, forcing a nod. 

"First we need to go back to the house," Winry said softly, weaving her arm through his as if she could sense his uncertainty. "Ed has an appointment with the doctor we don't want to miss. He might have even been on the same train as us." 

"And we'll be steering clear of the embassy and all the military officials in it," Russell added, slinging an arm around his younger brother's shoulders. "Given my record with them, I'd rather not risk running into any officials who might remember that little incident with the impersonation."

Ed snorted at the flippant comment, a flash of his usual self breaking through. "You mean when you stole my identity to commit fraud and steal tens of thousands of cens from the government?" 

"Details, details." Russell waved his hand dismissively with a lighthearted laugh of his own. "The point is, Fletcher and I will be buried in research at the library until further notice."

"You're incorrigible." Ed rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling as he said it. 

"Will you come with me to the embassy?" Mei said, looking back to Al. He glanced at her, then frowned and looked back at Ed for a moment before turning back to her again, his expression torn. 

"Um-"

"Go, Al," Ed interjected before his younger brother had a chance to spit out excuses. Al looked back at him with wide eyes, and Ed gave him an amused scoff. "I'll be fine. It's just a boring doctor's visit. I'll catch up with you at dinner tonight." 

Al paused, frowning for a long moment that stretched out in the uncertainty. He glanced back at Mei, then back at Ed. He bit his lip as he looked over Ed as if he were making some sort of mental catalog of every single little thing wrong with Ed and why it was proof that Al shouldn't go anywhere. Ed sighed and readjusted his weight against the cane Al had made for him, as if to prove that he didn't even actually need the cane to stand in the first place. 

"I don't know, Brother, you just-" 

"Please, Al," Ed said, and his voice came out as more of a croak than he'd intended. Al stared at him with wide, startled eyes. 

"Please," Ed repeated, trying to make the word sound stronger when it came out of him the second time. "Please don't hover over me and make me feel all... sickly. Please, Al. I don't want to feel like I'm dying." 

Al hesitated, shifting his weight between his feet with an uncomfortable frown. For a moment, he looked torn, caught between the instinct to protect his brother and the unmistakable need that clung to Ed's words. Finally, with a heavy, resigned sigh, he nodded, though the worry didn't disappear from his eyes. 

"Just... be careful, okay?"

"Always," Ed replied, managing a reassuring grin that felt more fragile than genuine.

"And if anything is even the slightest bit off, you call the embassy and-" 

"Al," Ed murmured firmly. "It's okay. Winry will take care of me."

The words hung in the air like the falling snowflakes, fragile and barely there. Al looked at Ed for another long minute, like he was debating if it was worth making his brother mad at him if it meant he never got another terrifying phone call early in the morning again. Finally, he sighed and hung his head. 

"Alright," he conceded, turning back to Mei. "Let me grab my suitcase and we can head over."

"We'll see you both for dinner tonight," Winry added as she squeezed Ed's arm reassuringly. As Al and Mei turned to leave, Ed felt an ache settle heavily in his chest again, and he fought the urge to massage the muscles right above his heart. With a soft sigh, he turned his focus back to Winry, who was watching him with a sad smile. 

"He's not worrying because you're dying," she said softly as they started walking back to the house. "He's worrying because... because... I dunno, because he's Al." 

"Because he knows I won't do it for myself," Ed corrected with a sigh. "He spent years observing first hand how easily I would throw myself into danger without thinking, how little I cared for my life. And he also saw how good I was at getting everyone to brush it off, how I managed to convince people I was invincible even as I was coughing blood up. Because they all needed a hero to believe in. Because I needed to believe I could be the hero people wanted. And maybe it's true to some extent. Edward Elric, the legendary Fullmetal Alchemist... that guy can't really die. Legends don't die. But that's not me. I'm... just Ed. And Just Ed is so. fucking. mortal."

Ed paused, frowning as he watched the way the few snowflakes in the air lazily spun and twirled, like they had all the time in the world to reach the ground. Like they hadn't started melting the instant they started falling from the sky. Like they weren't racing against a ticking clock. He sighed, and his breath came out as a puff of white air. "And... It nearly destroyed Al when he realized the truth of that. He wanted to believe in the legend as much as anyone." 

"There's truth in the legend just like there's truth in Just Ed," Winry murmured. "Maybe there are some bits that are... exaggerated, but there's parts that are true, too. Just because some of it isn't true doesn't mean it's all a lie. And besides, Just Ed is exaggerated too. You're not no one. You did do those heroic things." 

Ed frowned and tightened his grip on his cane as he walked. 

"It's not like you can only be Ed the Legend or Ed the Man," she added, swaying to lightly bump her shoulder against his as they walked. "Both can be true at once. You can be two Eds at once."

What a thing to say, when he was one Ed stuck in the body of another. Ed's steps faltered, his cane crunching against the snow on the path as he snapped his head over to look at Winry.

"I know," she said with a weak laugh. "I heard it as soon as I said it." 

They stared at one another for a long moment, and then it was suddenly as if a dam had burst, and they both suddenly were attacked with a fit of giggles at the same time. It wasn't that it was particularly funny—if anyone had asked, Ed was pretty sure he wouldn't have been able to explain what the joke even was—but it was one of those laughs that came from a deep place, releasing tension like air escaping a deflated balloon. The sound echoed through the cold air, bright and alive against the muted backdrop of winter. 

As they approached the Rockbell house, Ed found himself instinctively flicking his eyes up to the balcony. Even though it was the middle of the day. Even though Winry was walking right beside him on the path. 

"Funny how much a habit can ingrain itself," Ed said with a chuckle, and then nodded in the direction of the porch. "I was half-expecting you to be sitting up there with a light for me."

Winry frowned and glanced over at the porch, then back to Ed, tilting her head inquisitively. 

"Why?" 

The loss was so simple, and yet so unexpected that it hit Ed like a brick dropped from the tenth floor. There were so many little differences between the worlds that sometimes you just got used to the weird little differences, like the spelling of a city being a little different, or a childhood book having a different title. Being in a parallel world meant getting used to small pangs of grief coming at you out of nowhere, for something you never even knew you were attached to in the first place. But then there were the things that felt so basic, like some kind of law of the universe, that it almost felt like a betrayal to find out they were different in another world. 

"W-When Al and I were kids, our mom used to shine a lantern from the balcony to tell us to come home," Ed said slowly, licking his lips. "And... Well. At some point, I made some sort of comment or something about how comforting that light was, because you'd just see it and know... That was home. And someone was waiting for you. So. After I said that, Winry started shining a light on the balcony whenever she knew Al and I were coming." 

Winry listened quietly, her expression softening as she absorbed the weight of his words. "That's really sweet." 

"Well," Ed muttered, kicking at the snow. "It's not like Rosé would have known about it, anyway. Or like it would have really been visible in the middle of the day." 

Still, there was smoke puffing out from the chimney of the house, and that seemed like a homely enough invitation. As Ed and Winry stepped closer to the Rockbell house, it loomed before them like an old friend. The once-vibrant yellow paint had faded into a softer shade reminiscent of dawn's first light, and the green trim was so chipped it almost looked striped. It was the house of a thousand memories, the place that had always been there when Ed didn't know where else to go. Winry fumbled with her keys, fingers clumsy with cold and anticipation, while Ed stood slightly behind her, trying to lean against the wall in a way that didn't look like he needed the rest. 

The lock yielded with a familiar click, and the door swung inward on well-oiled hinges. A wave of heat enveloped them immediately, scented with cinnamon and woodsmoke and the indefinable essence of home. The entryway was narrow but welcoming, walls lined with framed photographs that chronicled a family's growth—mechanical triumphs and first steps recorded with equal reverence.

"We're back!" Winry called out, unwinding her scarf from around her neck. The fabric was damp with melted snow, and she hung it carefully on a hook beside the door.

Ed followed suit, shrugging out of his heavy coat with movements that betrayed lingering stiffness. The warmth of the house wrapped around him like a soft cocoon, a stark contrast to the biting chill they had just escaped. Ed inhaled deeply, letting the familiar scent ease the ache in his chest just a bit. The flickering light from the stove caught his eye, casting a golden glow across the kitchen. In that moment, he felt like a ghost tethered to this place, longing for something that felt eerily close yet inherently distant.

"Mommy! Daddy!" 

A joyous scream came from the hallway, followed by a frenzied thundering of footsteps. Teddy burst into the room like a small explosion, using the corner like a slingshot to simultaneously turn and launch himself at Winry at breakneck speed. Ed found his instincts kicking in before he had even made the conscious decision to act, and he found himself suddenly grabbing Teddy in mid-air mere seconds before he collided with Winry. 

"Teddy! You need to be careful!" Rosé admonished, appearing in the hallway with a frown. Ed found his breath catching in his throat even as he wrestled with the squealing toddler. Was it ever going to get easier to look at Rosé's face, or would it always feel like his heart was getting ripped out? There was something so achingly familiar about her gentle reprimand, and yet it somehow hurt just as much to be surrounded by familiarity as it had to be reminded how different this world was just minutes before. Ed steadied the squirming boy in his grasp, reluctantly releasing him as Teddy giggle, blissfully unaware of the tension curling in Ed's chest. 

"Sorry!" Teddy chirped, clambering back to his feet with an energy that rivaled the sun itself. He then turned to Ed, beaming up at him with bright golden eyes. "Did you bring me presents? Can we make circles? Do you wanna see my slime?"

"Whoa, buddy," Ed said with a laugh, holding his hands up in surrender. "Slow down. One question at a time." 

"Teddy kept asking me to teach him alchemy, but I'm not exactly an alchemist," Rosé said with a small laugh. "But I at least know enough basic chemistry to make slime, so we did that instead." 

"It turns into a rock when I hit it!" Teddy said with a wicked giggle. "And it melts when you hold still!" 

"Non-Newtonian fluid, cool." Ed's smile was reflexive—tired, but genuine. He reached down and tousled Teddy's unruly hair, and the toddler beamed up at him. 

"How were they?" Winry said to Rosé as she surveyed the room, her gaze lingering on the scattered crayons and bits of colorful construction paper that decorated the floor like confetti from an unrestrained celebration.

"They were good," Rosé replied with a soft smile, her warmth radiating through her words, even as she flicked a stray crayon out of the way with her foot. "I think Zaza was having some separation anxiety, though. She was very quiet and didn't want much to do with me. The first few hours after you left, she sat and watched the front door like a hawk. Sometime last night she got absolutely inconsolable and kept crying for her daddy. I let her sleep in this morning. None of us got much sleep last night."

Ed's heart twisted at the thought of little Zaza, her tiny face crumpled with worry, waiting for the familiar sound of his boots crunching on gravel outside their front door. His hand instinctively went to his chest, feeling his heart twist painfully at the thought of her distress.

"Teddy, on the other hand," Rosé said, shooting a pointed but amused look at the toddler. Teddy burst out into delighted giggles, clutching at his sides. "Teddy was a completely different story. The little guy's made of pure energy. We did just about every craft I could think of, and just about every game he could come up with. I don't know if he actually got much sleep at all last night, so he might crash in a few hours. I think he's just been running on pure stubbornness."

"He takes after his father," Winry said with an amused snort. Ed let out an indignant yelp and spun to look at her, though the fact that he was grinning from ear to ear downplayed his reaction a bit. 

"Excuse me, you think I'm the only one who runs on spite and stubbornness in this family?" 

"No," Winry said with a self-satisfied smirk. "Obviously, Teddy does too." 

Laughter filled the room like a warm balm, and for a moment, Ed allowed himself to sink into the lightheartedness. The shadows of his past receded, pushed away by the unyielding joy radiating from Teddy and the soft, knowing smiles exchanged between Winry and Rosé. It felt good to be anchored here, despite the swirling chaos that plagued every other part of his life. 

When Ed looked up again, he noticed a small figure standing in the hallway arch, her tiny hand pressed against the wall as if she were debating whether to brave going out among everyone else. The way she pressed against the wall reminded him of how he had once clung to his mother's skirts whenever he got dragged along an errand trip. Zaza stood perfectly still, her large eyes fixed on Ed with an intensity that felt almost tangible.

"Oh, Zaza," Winry said, noticing the toddler when she turned. She smiled and reached a hand out in invitation. "Hi, sweetie. Wanna come say hello?"

But Azami only had eyes for Ed. She crossed the living room with deliberate steps, ignoring her mother's outstretched hand, and came to a stop directly before the man who was—and wasn't—her father. Without a word, she raised her arms in the universal childhood gesture for uppies.

"Well," Winry said with an amused laugh. "Someone clearly has a favorite."

Ed's heart skipped a beat, the air thickening in his lungs as he stared down at Zaza's earnest expression. She didn't care that he had Alkahest inside his body, didn't care that he was an imposter in her father's skin. This tiny, innocent being trusted him with everything she had to give, without question. And Ed couldn't help but feel that he wasn't worthy of a trust like that. 

Whatever else he might have thought was cut short as Zaza, impatient with his hesitation, simply reached out and wrapped herself around his leg. She then started pulling at his pants as if she were determined to climb into his arms herself if he wouldn't do it for her. Ed let out a surprised squawk that was somewhere between indignant and cracking up. There was just something about the determined set of Zaza's jaw that reminded him of Winry trying to solve a problem, the sort of face where he immediately knew there would be nothing standing in her way. 

Without further thought, he bent and scooped the toddler up. She weighed almost nothing in his arms, a bundle of warmth and trust that settled against him as though she belonged there. Her small hands found his collar, gripping it with surprising strength, and then her head came to rest against his shoulder—a gesture of absolute confidence in his ability to keep her safe.

Ed looked over the top of Zaza's head, searching until his gaze landed on Winry, locking eyes with her and trying to silently ask the swirl of questions that was currently surging through his head. Winry gave him a soft smile and patted his arm. 

"You just speak her language," she murmured. 

Ed frowned down at the tiny child in his arms, spreading his hand protectively over her back. And then, after a moment of hesitation, laid his cheek against the top of her head, giving her as many points of contact as possible. The moment stretched, fragile as spun glass, as Zaza's breathing slowed and her body relaxed against Ed's chest. She didn't say anything, but her fingers traced small patterns against his shirt collar, as if to say, I know you. I trust you. You are mine. 

"That is the most peaceful I've seen her the past two days," Rosé murmured with a soft smile as she watched the scene unfold. "Kids have such an uncanny way of seeing straight to the truth. She knows you love her."

Ed swallowed hard, his throat tightening. Holding Zaza felt both like an honor and a monumental responsibility. He wanted to protect her, but he also feared failing her, just as he feared the truth lurking under the surface of his life—like Alkahest coiling within him. His heart was still a battlefield, torn between the longing for his own family and the burgeoning connection he felt with this small girl who clung to him as if he were an anchor in a stormy sea. 

“I wish I felt as certain as she does,” he whispered, more to himself than to the others. His heart twisted again at the thought that this small girl found sanctuary in someone who felt so out of place. Zaza responded by burrowing closer, her eyes drifting closed as though she had finally found what she'd been waiting for. 

Teddy, unwilling to be left out, tugged at Ed's pant leg. "Daddy, you gotta come see my slime. Please?" 

"Let your father rest for a minute," Winry intervened, putting a hand on Teddy's golden head. "He's had a long journey. Why don't you help me unpack instead? I might have hidden something for good little helpers in my suitcase."

Teddy's eyes widened with delight at the prospect. "Okay!" he squealed, immediately distracted by the prospect of hidden treasures. He took off in a flurry of energy, skidding around the corner before disappearing in a clamor of tiny, thunderous footsteps. Ed chuckled softly, amusement mixing with fondness as he glanced back at Zaza, who was blissfully asleep in his arms. 

"She has her father wrapped around her little finger," Rosé said with an amused smile of her own. Ed felt a warm flush creep up his neck at her words. 

“She’s never taken to strangers,” Winry said softly, and Ed could recognize the importance in what she was saying. Rosé probably thought it was just reassurance for her, that she hadn't done anything wrong as a babysitter. She didn't know that he was technically just as much of a stranger as her, that there was no reason for Zaza to trust him to that extent. 

Yet, here she was, clutching Ed like a lifeline. And it scared him how much he needed that certainty more than she did. 

"Thank you again for everything, Rosé," Winry said, turning to the other woman with a grateful smile. "I don't know what we would have done without you these past few days. Truly, you've been a lifesaver."

Rosé waved away the compliment, though there was a pleased flush to her cheeks. "It was my pleasure, really. I love spending time with the kids. And if there's anything else I can do to help, anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask."

She paused, her gaze sliding over to Ed with a hint of concern. "I know things have been... difficult lately. With Ed's health and everything. So if you ever need a break, or just someone to talk to, I'm here."

Ed shifted uncomfortably under her scrutiny, adjusting his hold on Zaza carefully, keeping her pressed close. Ed was just about to reply to Rosé when a sharp knock sounded at the front door, the noise echoing through the cozy house. Zaza stirred slightly in his arms at the noise, but didn't fully wake. Ed frowned and glanced at Winry, who was already moving towards the door, her brow furrowing with a mix of concern and anticipation. 

"I bet that's the doctor," she murmured, her voice tight with an undercurrent of anxiety. She paused with her hand on the doorknob and looked back at Ed, her blue eyes searching his face as if looking for some sign of reassurance. He swallowed hard and gave a small nod, trying to project a calm he didn't quite feel.

Winry opened the door to reveal a man bundled in a long wool coat, a black medical bag clutched in one gloved hand. He was older, perhaps in his late fifties, with salt-and-pepper hair that fell over his rounded glasses. 

"You must be Dr. Stahl," Winry said, gesturing for him to come inside. He gave her a brisk nod, stamping snow from his boots. "I'm so glad you could make it. We were worried you might have gotten lost in all our craziness."

The doctor stepped into their home, taking off his coat and nodding politely. He wore wire-rimmed glasses perched on his nose and carried an air of tired competence about him—the look of someone who'd seen more than enough sickness in a lifetime but was still pushing through just because he knew people needed it from him.

"It's not every day I get called out this far from Central," he said with thinly veiled curiosity as his eyes fell on Ed cradling Zaza against himself like she belonged there—like nothing else quite mattered more than keeping her where she'd fallen.

"And you must be Mr. Elric," he prompted calmly, while Ed just blinked blankly at the doctor for half a second longer than he'd meant to let himself do so.

"Right, yeah, that's me," he said, like he was snapping out of a spell. 

"Do you want me to take Zaza?" Winry said softly, gently holding her hands out towards Ed. He hesitated, his grip tightening almost imperceptibly around Zaza's small form. There was a part of him that didn't want to let go, that found solace in the warm weight of her trust pressing against his chest. But he knew he couldn't cling to her forever, couldn't use her as a shield against the looming uncertainties that awaited him.

"Yeah," he finally said with a soft sigh of defeat, carefully unwinding her little fingers from his shirt. He felt exposed and hollow the moment she left his grasp, like a diver surfacing too quickly. Zaza stirred slightly but remained asleep, her little fingers still making contact with him as long as they could, until finally falling limply onto Winry’s shoulder.

"You'll be fine," Winry whispered, smiling at him with a mixture of understanding and support in her eyes. She then leaned over and pressed a quick kiss against Ed's forehead, so quick that he wasn't entirely sure whether it was a kiss of habit, or keeping appearances, or if it was actually meant for him. But before he could think too much on it, Winry was already turning to Rosé. 

"Would you be willing to help me with lunch?"

"Of course," Rosé said brightly, seeming relieved to have the excuse to step out of the room and leave Ed alone with the doctor.

Ed watched them go and then swallowed hard, his gaze shifting to the doctor who was now arranging his instruments on the coffee table with a quiet efficiency. The sight of the cold metal sent a chill through Ed that had nothing to do with the winter air creeping in from outside.

"So from what I heard, your wife thinks you had a heart attack," Dr. Stahl said, turning to focus his attention fully on Ed. "Can you tell me more about what happened?" 

Right, the heart attack. That felt like a lifetime ago at this point, hardly even feeling like a stumbling block in the face of things like the Alkahest. Ed hesitated, trying to sort through the tangled mess of memories. He could remember recounting a very basic summary to Winry the first night he had been there, but he had partially used his own memories from Germany for the story. Surely, the doctor needed to know what had happened to Kai, had to know what had actually happened to this body, not a body a whole world away. 

Ed frowned and tried to pull at Kai's memories. He knew they had to be right there, considering he could wake up and remember a wedding with Winry, could forget he wasn't supposed to be there. Of course the memories were right there and easy to access when he didn't need them, but now that he was trying, it felt like trying to hold a non-Newtonian fluid. Maybe he needed to smack his head to solidify his thoughts. 

"I went for a walk to clear my head," he said slowly. "I was kind of dizzy, and I thought the fresh air would help. And then... I was just sitting there, but I was still really dizzy, and then my vision started going dark. I thought it was a panic attack, but then I passed out." 

"Do you have panic attacks often?" 

Ed opened his mouth to automatically say no, but then found himself pausing. Maybe he had learned better how to handle them, maybe they weren't as common now as they had been when he was fourteen, but he had a feeling he still wasn't in the range of "normal" panic attacks. Actually, on second thought, there probably was no such thing as a "normal" amount of panic attacks. 

"I... I guess I have them fairly often," Ed admitted slowly. 

"I see," Dr. Stahl said, making a note for himself. Ed bit back the strange feeling that he was somehow failing, like the doctor was grading him. "And how often is 'fairly often'?" 

The room felt too bright, the lights making everything seem sharp around the edges. Ed's face twisted into a grimace as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his eyes avoiding direct contact with the doctor’s penetrating gaze. 

"Normally, it's... Maybe every few weeks or so," Ed mumbled, avoiding the doctor's gaze. "But lately it's been more like every other day." 

Dr. Stahl frowned and tapped his pen against the clipboard he had balanced on his knee. "You said you went for a walk to clear your head, were you more stressed out than usual?" 

"I mean, I guess..." Ed started, but cut himself off with a frown when the doctor immediately started scribbling another note. Ed scowled. "Look, I know what I experienced, so if you're going to try and tell me this is all just something I imagined because I'm too stressed-"

"No, that's not what I'm suggesting," Dr. Stahl interjected, his voice firm but gentle. "What I’m trying to understand is the context surrounding these attacks. Stress can manifest in physical forms, especially if left unchecked. It’s important to uncover the root of the issue rather than dismiss it merely as a passing phase. Can you tell me more about what it felt like when you passed out? You mentioned you felt dizzy, were there other physical sensations you remember?"

Ed rubbed at his chest absently, not meeting the doctor’s eyes. "I mean, my chest hurt. Kind of this awful squeezing feeling. And yeah, I was dizzy as hell. Had this weird moment where the whole world just... dimmed. Like someone was turning off the lights."

Dr. Stahl nodded as he made another note, not even looking up as he asked, "And how would you rate that pain, on a scale of one to ten? With ten being the worst pain you've ever felt in your life and-" 

"I know the pain scale," Ed said, cutting him off with a sigh. Not only knew, but despised the pain scale and the little practiced spiel doctors always gave about the "worst pain you've ever felt in your life." Ed had spent years trying to decode that, to decide whether losing two limbs was more of a ten or if it was actually a nine and the real ten was dying from getting stabbed all the way through. On the one hand, he would think that death would be the obvious ten, but on the other hand, that experience had been remarkably less painful than losing his arm and leg. Maybe because his brain had shut off so quickly after getting stabbed, knowing that pain signals were a lost cause. 

Either way, trying to rank all other pain in comparison felt like a fool's errand, with most pain not seeming like it deserved much higher than a four, at most. Only for Ed to realize that the things he was rating a four were usually at least an eight or nine for other people. Because apparently, most people actually had a baseline of zero, as in, they usually were in zero pain, every single fucking day. Which sounded so unbelievably fake. Apparently, most people didn't consider a pain level of two as a baseline. How all these people weren't in pain when they complained about it ten times more than Ed was beyond him, though. 

“Look,” Ed said, his voice tight, “it’s hard to pin a number on any of this. It hurt. And considering I'm an automail patient, it takes a lot for me to notice when something hurts. But I have no idea where it ranks on your chart thingy. Like, a six, I dunno." 

Dr. Stahl hummed and made another note on his clipboard. "Do you mind taking your shirt off? I'd like to listen to your heart."