Chapter Text
It was almost midnight, but Dal-mi and Do-san were on their couch at home, hunched over their laptops. Their positions in the company meant that there was always work to be done, no matter the hour. Sifting through the pile of unread emails in her non-urgent folder, a particular subject catches her eye.
“Huh,” she breathes out after reading the email.
Do-san, ever so attuned to her little sounds and changes in expression, switches his focus from his code to her. “What is it?”
“I’m being invited to interview for this company.”
“What’s their product?”
“It’s a management consulting firm, but I think it’s pretty new. It’s the first time I’m hearing about them.”
“Ah, so it’s not a start-up then. What position?”
“Senior Director.”
“Not even a C-level. They should’ve read up on your profile and offered you a title that matches your experience.” He shakes his head and goes back to his laptop, brow furrowing as he tries to remember what part of the code he was working on.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Dal-mi acquiesces. She shuts off her laptop and kisses him good night, knowing better than to ask him to come to bed during this critical time. The release update for their latest product is next week, and Do-san and the rest of the developers have been working non-stop to have everything ready by then.
Dal-mi lies in bed, waiting for sleep that should be easy to come given her extended workday, but eludes her nevertheless. Do-san is right— the job is a far cry from the terrain that she’s used to, so why does she keep thinking about it? It’s not the first time other companies reached out to ask if she wants to join them, but this is the first time her interest was piqued. Accepting that she’s not going to get any rest until she satisfies her curiosity, she looks up the company: Heights Consulting was created five years ago by a female CEO in her late 50s, has one to two clients whose logos Dal-mi recognizes, most of the team is in their early 20s to late 30s, and their office is located in one of the older buildings in the Seoul business district.
Apart from being a young firm, it’s all very... traditional, something that she never would have considered during her Sandbox days. Seven years later though, Dal-mi feels an inexplicable pull towards the idea. Chungmyung Company has been running smoothly for the last few years now, and while they still have goals they want to achieve, she can’t but feel that she wants a new challenge. Running another start-up seems like the closest move, but somehow, it doesn’t feel new enough. She’s already had a taste of success and what frightens her now isn’t failure, but stagnation. And while she’s not the type to take risks for the sake of taking risks, she isn’t the type either to turn down new opportunities without first seeing what’s on the table.
She tells Do-san the following morning that she’s accepted the invitation and he asks what made her change her mind. There is an edge to his tone, but she chalks it up to a combination of surprise and exhaustion after pulling another all-nighter.
“I just want to see what they’re like, that’s all.” He accepts her explanation with a sleepy embrace, and Dal-mi is relieved. It’s not the best time to discuss her restlessness, and she doesn’t want him to feel burdened over something that’s unlikely to pan out.
*
“I think you’d fit right in with us, Ms. Seo.”
Ms. Lee, the CEO, smiles warmly at her and Dal-mi can’t help but smile back. She reminds her of Director Yoon, with her calm energy and endless wisdom. Among her inspirations, she only knows a few personally, and, having heard about her career journey and how that eventually led to Heights Consulting, Ms. Lee’s story feels quite close to home.
“I have one question for you.” Dal-mi hesitates, unsure if maybe the question is too personal and might even be inappropriate given that they’ve only known each other for an hour. However, she’s been struggling with it since the night she received the invitation, and perhaps no other woman would be able to answer better than the one in front of her.
“How did your husband react when you told him you wanted to build your own company?” She bites her lip, almost positive that she’s crossed the line.
To her surprise, Ms. Lee laughs. “He said it took me long enough. Mind you, I was 52 when I told him about it, and we’ve been working together for almost 25 years at that point.”
I wish it will be that easy for me too, Dal-mi thinks then stops herself. When did she start thinking that she’ll take this job? She only came to learn about what they were offering, maybe make some contacts while she’s at it, but to actually leave Chungmyung Company?
“You work with your husband, too, don’t you? Is that why you asked?” Ms. Lee breaks her spiraling thoughts. Dal-mi nods.
“When I confessed that I’ve already been thinking about it for a few years, he said I should have told him earlier, and he would have pushed me out the door to do it. In retrospect, it was silly, worrying and wasting all that time. He was understanding and supportive, just like he always has been.”
Dal-mi remembers all the times Do-san stood by her side: believing in her when she had nothing to her name, choosing her as their CEO over someone with more experience and knowledge, pushing her to follow her dreams despite the odds being stacked against her. He was her biggest cheerleader in every path her journey has taken, and she knows this wouldn’t be any different.
They end lunch with Dal-mi’s promise to call once she’s come to a decision. She walks back to the office, using that time to process her thoughts and feelings. Her heart is leaning towards one direction but her head is telling her all things that could go wrong if she changes the status quo, a messy back-and-forth that causes her to miss their office block. There will be time later to wrestle with her thoughts, she tells herself as she rushes to the office, the number of unread emails on her phone increasing, pulling her back to reality.
*
They release their update without a hitch and, to let everyone rest, Dal-mi instructs everyone to take a day off, pulling her husband away from his computer and taking him home. After feeding him and letting him sleep, she opens her laptop to get some work done but miraculously, there’s nothing that can’t wait until tomorrow, which is troubling for Dal-mi. Now that she can’t use work as a distraction from her racing thoughts, she has no choice but to face them.
There is no real risk whatever she chooses. She can stay with Chungmyung Company, rekindle her enthusiasm for what they do at some point, maybe get another offer from another company in the future. She can move to Heights Consulting, see if she likes it, and go elsewhere if she doesn’t. The one thing that seems inevitable in both scenarios is her leaving Chungmyung Company, and it’s simply a matter of when. But what is it about Chungmyung Company that makes her want to leave? She racks her brain for a logical, palatable answer, trying to drown out a small voice inside her saying things that she doesn’t want to hear.
That’s how Do-san finds her at three in the morning, having woken up from his very long nap. “Dal-mi? Why are you awake?”
“Hey, it’s nothing, I was just thinking.” She moves off the couch and towards the kitchen. “Are you hungry? I can make you some ramyeon.”
“No, I’m fine.” He sits at the dining table, where she meets him. He studies her intently, and she makes silly faces to get him to laugh, which fails. “There’s something bothering you.”
Her face goes blank, her automatic response when she doesn’t want to let her thoughts or feelings show. Three in the morning is hardly the time to talk about this, not when she hasn’t thought it through yet, not when it’s a huge conversation that she needs to be prepared for.
“Oh! I forgot to ask you about the interview last week. How did it go?”
Damn it, why does he know her so well? “I think it was just kind of a formality. The job is mine if I want it, but I told them to give me a week to think about it.”
He simply nods, and Dal-mi feels a strange sense of hope rising inside her. Maybe Ms. Lee was right, there is nothing to worry about. “What do you think?” she asks him.
“It’s only polite, I guess? You were talking about it over lunch, it would have been awkward to refuse her offer in front of her face.”
Dal-mi’s heart sinks. Of course, he would think that. She hasn’t given him any reason to think that she’s unhappy being in Chungmyung Company. And she is happy: how many people get to go to work with the love of their lives everyday, achieve great things together, and build both a life and a business with each other? Yet, despite all these, within her is still a desire to do something else, a desire that fails to make sense when subjected to logic, a desire that she herself cannot fully comprehend.
But maybe Do-san can. He’s always held the answers to her heart, knows her better than she knows herself. She thinks of Ms. Lee and all those years gone simply because she misjudged her husband. No, that will not be her story. She needs to start having more faith in her husband and their relationship.
“I’m actually thinking of accepting.”
One could hear a pin drop in the silence that ensues. Do-san blinks at her, and Dal-mi resists the urge to look away or to fill the silence, willing him to understand but letting him process the news as well.
“Does that— I mean... why? I don’t understand.” He draws closer to her, scrutinizing her face for any sign that she might be joking, or that he still has a shot at convincing her to change her mind. It’s too close for comfort, though, and Dal-mi looks down, focusing on the tablecloth, fingers running through the hem in an attempt to calm her beating heart.
“I want to try something new, Do-san. I’ve been in Chungmyung Company for the last four years and, as much as I love the team and what we do, there are other things that I want to explore,” she says meekly, knowing full well how lame she sounds. It’s comical to think that it’s almost a replica of a speech she would make to her old bosses, but it stops being funny when she realizes that she actually does owe Do-san this speech, because they’re co-workers. In their day-to-day, there is no need to delineate Do-san her husband from Do-san her CTO, because they have a shared purpose, and the interest of one is in line with the other. But that doesn’t hold true in this case.
“So, you’re bored, is that it? Fine, I’ll leave Chungmyung Company too and we can create another start-up. We might have to stay a bit longer until we can find replacements but we’ll manage,” he says with complete conviction. However, instead of comfort, what Dal-mi feels is confusion.
Why was it so easy for him to make up his mind? It took her weeks of agonizing over the mere idea of leaving before coming close to a decision, and yet here Do-san is, dropping everything to join her within five minutes of finding out. Has he felt the same way all this time and she just never knew, her decision being the final straw for him?
“What? Why would you do that?”
“Because... maybe you’re right. Maybe we’ve outgrown Chungmyung Company and it’s time for a new adventure, don’t you think?” He grins at her, eyes carrying the promise of sailing off without a map, this time with her at the helm and him in tow. But while the old Dal-mi would have giddily accepted this without question and started brainstorming business ideas, the adventure she has in mind is of a different kind, one she doesn’t think he can follow along.
“I didn’t know you felt that way, too. But, Dosan, I don’t—” She pauses, struggling to find the right words to reject his proposal. “It’s not about leaving Chungmyung Company and being bored with it. I really want to take this job.”
“Why?”
And so, she tells him: about wanting to have a mentor like Ms. Lee who’s had the career she wants for herself, about wanting to use her experience to help other businesses solve their problems, about wanting to have peers she can learn from and bounce ideas with. She lists down all the reasons except for the one that ultimately cements her decision — she wants to see what she can do by herself, without him or In-jae or even Ji-pyeong’s support, so she can fully own and claim her success.
She knows her value — how it was her idea that led to the creation of the company, how much work and effort she put in to get it up and running. However, she can’t help but feel that she got lucky in many ways. Do-san always came to her rescue because of his feelings for her, In-jae helped her get back on her feet because they were still sisters even if their actual relationship was icy, and Ji-pyeong offered her advice because of his connection with Halmeoni. She wouldn’t be where she is now without them, and she will be eternally grateful for that. But in the back of her head, she’s always had doubts about how much of her success was actually hers and how much of it was from others. It’s about time that she put those doubts to rest.
Do-san listens but as Dal-mi goes on, she sees his expression morph from openness to confusion to disbelief. She’s not getting through to him and her desperation to make him understand causes her to ramble, throwing whatever explanation at him to see what sticks (except for that one thing she keeps close to her chest), until she runs out of things to say and has to await his verdict.
“Okay.” Do-san runs a hand over his face. He stands up, a signal that this conversation is over, at least for him.
“That’s it?” Dal-mi feels a quiet fury rising within her at his dismissiveness. If he couldn’t understand, she expected some probing, at least, as to why she wanted those things, why she has to go this route to get them. She is willing to put in the work to make him understand, but it seems he’s determined not to, and that breaks her heart and makes her angry at the same time.
“I can’t stop you from doing what you want, Dal-mi. Of course, I’m not happy about it and I need time to come to terms with it.” He starts walking back towards their bedroom.
“Are you saying that as Chungmyung Company’s CTO, or as my husband?”
That makes him stop in his tracks. It came out of her unexpectedly, a question she never meant to ask. Now that it’s out there, she needs to know his answer.
“I don’t know, both? Does it matter?” he responds, his voice weary. He shuts the door to their bedroom behind him.
Yes, it matters, Dal-mi thinks. If anyone asked her when she thought the beginning of the end was for them, this was it.