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Kazuya took a deep sigh, his hot breath swirling around him in the cold night air as he knocked against the apartment door. It was late -- 11:30 or so already -- and snow fell gently, quietly, as the neighborhood began to fall asleep. His heart skipped a bit as he heard a rustling from the other side of the door. He’d visited this building countless times before, yet he still couldn’t contain his excitement with every visit. A few seconds later and the door opened, with Kaiji standing in the doorway, a small grin spreading across his face. Warmth spilled from inside the room, and Kaiji reached for Kazuya’s hand, pulling him out of the night air and into his arms. Kaiji embraced Kazuya tightly, before stepping back and giggling.
“Aw, you’ve got snow on your shoulders…” Kaiji chuckled to himself, brushing the snow off of Kazuya and onto the floor.
“Merry Christmas, baby.” Kazuya leaned forward to place kisses across Kaiji’s face, making a point to be obnoxiously loud with his affections and wrapping his arms around Kaiji’s waist as he continued giggling.
“Hey, hey! Did you really miss me that much? We saw each other yesterday, didn’t we?” Kaiji returned a quick kiss before adjusting himself, helping Kazuya remove his scarf and coat before placing them near the entryway and closing the door behind them. Kazuya headed straight for the kotatsu in the center of the room, hoping to warm up quickly.
“Kehehe, perhaps we did… but today’s Christmas, Kaiji! It’s special, y’know?” Kazuya sat down on the floor, pulling the kotatsu blanket over his legs and resting his arms on the tabletop. The room’s carpet was cheap, rough, and needed vacuuming -- but it was a familiar comfort for Kazuya, who’d spent hours in Kaiji’s home, sharing his company and growing closer together. Kazuya ran his hands across the carpet as warmth from the kotatsu filled his body. He lifted his arms up, laid on his back, and shifted his body under the table fully, blanket up to his chin.
“Ahh, Kaiji!! Even your old ass kotatsu feels so nice and warm!!”
“Shut up, you jerk,” Kaiji was in the kitchen, yet without looking up, Kazuya could tell he was sticking his tongue out and smirking at Kazuya. He pictured how Kaiji must’ve looked and chuckled to himself.
“And you’re making that dumb face again, aren’t you, Kaiji?”
“Hmm, keep up those remarks and you won’t be getting any Christmas cake from me…” Kaiji teased back, making Kazuya sit straight up, his interest piqued.
“You, uh… got me a cake?” He perked up like a little kid, flashing an innocent smile at the mere mention of sweets.
“Yeah, well, it’s from my mom, really. She sent some home with me and even mentioned I should share some with you. I was gonna cut you a piece when you came over.” Kaiji opened his fridge and pulled out what remained of a small bakery cake. Light vanilla frosting decorated the sides and the top was adorned with fresh strawberries. Less than half remained after his earlier visit to his mom’s apartment, where he’d spent his Christmas evening per her request and to provide her some company for the holiday. Kaiji pulled out a paper plate and carefully cut a slice to give to Kazuya, who was still sitting under the kotatsu, chin resting against his hands.
“Kaiji, your mom sounds so nice. Aren’t you ever gonna introduce me to her? Maybe I wanna thank her for this cake, or for bringing a beautiful man such as yourself into this world...”
Kaiji rolled his eyes. “Why don’t we work on that whole ‘heir of a supervillain-like capitalist empire’ thing first, and then we can talk about meeting my mom.” Kaiji walked into the living room, setting the cake slice and a fork in front of Kazuya before sitting at the adjacent table side. Kazuya impulsively began to drool at the sight of the cake before feeling something rest against his foot. Kaiji had adjusted himself under the table's blanket and had laid his own foot against Kazuya's -- a small gesture, sure, but the touch made Kazuya's face turn bright red. It felt… strangely intimate. But when Kazuya looked up to meet Kaiji's eyes, the other man had his attention pointed downward as he dug around in his pants pocket. Kaiji cleared his throat before pulling out a pack of cigarettes, placing the pack and a nearby ashtray onto the table.
"Do you mind if I smoke?"
"Uh, not really," Kazuya gulped. He felt embarrassed getting so worked up over the slightest physical touch from Kaiji when earlier he'd planted kisses all over Kaiji's face himself. Something about being on the receiving end of the affection still felt foreign to him, even after all the months they'd spent together. He wondered if this sensation and these kinds of touches were things he'd ever get used to…
"Just, uh, leave the tray out. I'll have one when I'm done here."
Kaiji nodded before placing a cigarette in his mouth and lighting it, exhaling smoke that swirled around the room. He rested back onto his hands and stared up at the ceiling. Kazuya could still feel Kaiji's foot on his, warmed up now by the heater under the table. He took a bite of the cake slice; both the frosting and the cake itself were light and fluffy, blending well with the juicy strawberries without overpowering them. There were strawberry pieces in between the cake layers, too. Of course, he'd eaten countless pastries like this before, made by some of the best bakers in all of Japan -- though, none of those cakes had been served to him by Kaiji before.
"Ah, shit," Kaiji turned his attention towards Kazuya's plate, "Um, I'm out of tea right now. Sorry…"
"Heh, don't worry about it." Kazuya waved his hand, "If you were one of my workers, I'd probably throw a tantrum or something just to get you to apologize and make me a fresh cup!"
"Oh, great…" Kaiji furrowed his brow, not the least bit assured by Kazuya's remark. He was pretty used to Kazuya's rude statements at this point and mostly ignored them. "Speaking of which, how was that party you attended today? Pretty extravagant, I bet."
Kazuya rolled his eyes and groaned. "Yeah, more like garish! You know how sick I am of that shit. A holiday all about family and the magic of giving, and I gotta put up with a bunch of company investors and the lavish decorum while everyone's indirectly bragging about who's getting the better gift from whom. And my dad somehow gets away with spending the whole evening in a Santa suit," Kazuya laughed, "Kazuki and I are both adults, but he insists on making us pose with him for photos like some spectacle! And no one can stop him 'cuz, y'know, he's my dad. Makes me wanna puke."
Kaiji couldn't contain his laughter as Kazuya stuck out his tongue in disgust. The thought of Kazuya miserably faking a smile as his father forced him into some holiday photo album picture was just too bizarre; it sounded like a scene from a goofy family sitcom.
"Oh, wow! I guess your old man really does have a thing for torturing others, doesn't he?" Kaiji kept laughing as Kazuya playfully pinched his arm.
"Whatever! I was just so relieved when you called me and asked me to come over. I mean, I might’ve just shown up anyway to get a break from my family's bullshit."
Kaiji nodded and took a drag from his cigarette. "Well, I'm glad you could make it tonight. I know it's late, but...when you told me you had family plans for the evening, I was worried I wouldn't get to see you at all today for our first Christmas together."
Kazuya grinned and looked down at his cake slice, nearly finished, "I'd say it worked out pretty well for me."
"You're silly." Kaiji chuckled. The two sat together comfortably, Kaiji finishing his cigarette while Kazuya wiped up some leftover frosting with his fingers. Snow continued to fall outside, but inside and under the kotatsu together was warm and cozy. Kazuya, having cleaned his plate, stood up and walked across the room to grab the cigarettes he'd left in his coat pocket when he remembered the other item he'd brought with him. He reached into the jacket and pulled out a small gold box, decorated with a white silk ribbon.
"Hey, Kaiji…” Kazuya hid the box behind his back and scurried back into the living room, sitting down next to Kaiji at the kotatsu. Kaiji was briefly taken aback by Kazuya’s sudden hurry, wondering what he could possibly have to show. Kazuya smiled and presented the box up to Kaiji, who gasped unexpectedly.
“Oh, Kazuya....”
“I know you said no gifts, but I just couldn’t help myself! I saw the perfect thing when I was out and just had to get it for you. Think of it as a special treat, like the cake from earlier.”
Kaiji sighed, reluctantly accepting the gift. He had told Kazuya not to buy any presents for him because he knew the man had a tendency to go overboard when it came to spending money. They’d had arguments before over the way Kazuya spoiled him with lavish bouquets, designer clothes, and expensive dinners, mostly because Kaiji felt them to be arrogant and uncomfortable displays of wealth. But in this moment, Kaiji couldn’t bring himself to get angry at his boyfriend, instead taking the box from his hands. Kazuya watched excitedly as Kaiji slowly untied the ribbon and opened the box. Inside, a luxury watch rested against the soft satin interior.
“Kaz, I--…. I don’t know what to say. I’m almost afraid to touch it.”
“Can I help you put it on?” Kazuya asked as Kaiji nodded his head again, setting the box down. Kazuya took the watch out and reached for Kaiji’s hand, lifting his wrist up and sliding the watch on. He adjusted the fit before turning Kaiji’s wrist towards his partner’s face.
“There we go. Doesn’t that look nice, Kaiji?” The watch was a rich golden color, the face adorned with detailed and decorated numbers. There was a component that tracked the date, a timer, and some other hand that kept track of something Kaiji couldn’t even determine. The face was also engraved with little card suits, likely alluding to the night the two had met and the fateful gamble that brought them together. The whole thing was extravagant, flashy, and…. too much for Kaiji’s taste.
“Well, it certainly reminds me of you.”
“Aw, do you really think so?” Kazuya giggled before rambling off the details of the purchase itself. He told Kaiji how he’d spotted the shop while out on a business errand, how he’d seen the poker-themed faces and immediately thought of Kaiji, how he’d spared no expense to ensure the watch was custom fitted and made of the finest materials… and so on. Kaiji looked down at the watch sadly. Sure, it clashed with Kaiji’s usual attire -- it was like putting a designer brand on a grocery bag, quite frankly. But something else seemed to be bothering Kaiji, as his mood had dipped since Kazuya first presented the gift. It took a few seconds before Kazuya stopped, noticing Kaiji’s head was hung and his shoulders had drooped.
“Is there something wrong with the watch?” Kazuya was concerned maybe he’d made an error with the purchase, or that perhaps Kaiji preferred a different face design, “I can afford a new one, we can go to the shop together and I’ll let you pick out whatever you want this time.”
“It’s not that, Kaz. It’s a lovely gift, really,” Kaiji’s voice grew quiet, his eyes still aimed down, almost afraid to look Kazuya in the face, “It’s just that… it’s Christmas, and you got me something nice, but I don’t have anything to give you…”
Kazuya hadn’t realized a gift like this would upset Kaiji. Kaiji had expressed before that the gap in their wealth was a point of discomfort for him, but Kazuya never realized it was something Kaiji felt shame over, too. He was worried Kaiji was going to get frustrated, claiming that Kazuya had gone too far again with his purchases or that he’d ignored Kaiji’s no gift request without thinking of Kaiji’s feelings.
“Kaiji, you don’t need to get me anything --”
“But I wish I could, and I wish I could treat you sometimes the same way you treat me. It’s just that…'' Kaiji's voice wavered a bit, “I mean, I’m short on cash again, and I had to pay for rent and groceries this month, a-and I might’ve spent too much on pachinko again… I know it’s the holidays, but I just didn’t have much left over, and I-”
But Kaiji was interrupted by the feeling of tears running down his face. He’d opened up to Kazuya about his life, his traumas, but had never really broached the topic of money before, despite how much it affected him. Kaiji was embarrassed, and lifted his hands up to hide his face. He sniffled, ashamed that he’d let himself get this affected over Kazuya’s act of kindness on a holiday. Kazuya was at a loss. He didn’t know how to respond to Kaiji without fear of making things worse. Normally Kazuya was the one needing comfort in these moments, and Kaiji was always ready to provide affection or kind words. In fact, Kaiji always tended to be the emotional pillar for both of them. Kazuya’s mind began to race as Kaiji turned his face away, sniffling and wiping his eyes. He wanted to comfort Kaiji, to chase away his tears and see him smile again, but he was worried he’d do it the wrong way. He tried to remember how Kaiji had always taken care of him when he would cry, and thought of something that would maybe cheer his partner up, too.
“Hey, Kaiji...” Kazuya’s heart pounded as he reached up for Kaiji’s hands. He gently grabbed Kaiji’s wrists, turning his partner’s face back towards him and moving his hands down. Kaiji’s eyes were already red, and down his face ran small, wet streaks of tears. Kaiji tried to jerk his face away from Kazuya, but Kazuya placed a hand under Kaiji’s chin, turning it up and towards himself, and quickly leaned in to meet Kaiji’s lips in a deep, loving kiss. Kaiji tensed up at first, surprised by Kazuya’s sudden affection, though he soon relaxed and returned the kiss with just as much passion and understanding. His lips softened as he wrapped his arms around Kazuya’s shoulders, and in response Kazuya leaned forward, more and more, tilting Kaiji’s head back and sitting over him now. He wondered how long before this became awkward, how long before Kaiji jumped back or pushed him away… but there was no jumping or pushing this time. He could taste the smoke still fresh in Kaiji’s breath, and the snowfall outside seemed to freeze in place. They held like that for only a few seconds before Kazuya lifted his head, Kaiji looking up at him.
“I really don’t care if you’re tight for cash. I mean- god, I do care, but it’s not something that’s bothered me, ever,” Kazuya fumbled over his words, trying to get his feelings across in a way that made sense. He was an author, but something about the bare honesty of this moment made this confession difficult for him, “I’ve never been upset before when you couldn’t pay for your meal or needed me to spot you for some change. Hell, Kaiji… you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Just being here with me… showing me endless patience and love… that’s enough of a gift for me this year.”
Kaiji’s lips quivered, and tears began to fall down his face again. Kazuya gasped -- he’d definitely said the wrong thing this time.
“Kaiji, w-what I mean is-” but he was cut off as Kaiji buried his face in Kazuya’s neck, wrapping his arms around Kazuya’s shoulders again and giving him a tight hug. Kazuya could feel Kaiji’s breath shake against his neck as he returned the hug, putting his arms under Kaiji’s and wrapping them around his back. He squeezed tightly as Kaiji looked up and met Kazuya’s lips again for another deep kiss. Kazuya kissed him back, his heart pounding and his mouth still sweet from cake.
“I love you.” Kaiji whispered these words in between breaths and kisses. He’d been vulnerable in a way he never had before, but in Kazuya’s arms, against his face and lips, he realized he felt safe and understood. He gently ran his fingers through Kazuya’s rough hair, stroking his head as Kazuya smiled into their kisses.
“I love you too, Kaiji.” He carefully ran his tongue over Kaiji’s lips, his teeth, and into his mouth. Kazuya felt overwhelmed with love and acted without thinking, leaning Kaiji onto his back and on the floor. Kaiji’s hair fell around him and he let out the smallest moan, soft and quiet, into Kazuya’s mouth. Kazuya hung over Kaiji, situating himself in between his legs and continuing to run his tongue over Kaiji’s mouth and teeth. Their breaths quickened as Kazuya moved his kisses from Kaiji’s lips to his cheeks, stopping when he tasted the salty tears left over on Kaiji’s face. Kazuya pulled back slightly and lifted his hand up to Kaiji’s face, wiping his boyfriend’s eyes with the cuff of his shirt.
“You know, you shouldn’t cry on Christmas. Probably bad luck, or something.”
Kaiji laughed, a smile beaming across his face. “You’re silly.”
Kazuya smiled back. Kaiji’s fond laughter, his bright eyes -- those felt like his real gifts this night. He kissed Kaiji again, their lips locking as their hearts radiated warmth, bodies melting together like fresh snow on Christmas night.