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“hey, i think i want to go home”, namjoon says, looking at his watch, “it’s already pretty late, i just want to maybe rest a bit, had quite busy day, after all.”
“hyung, it’s not even 10pm”, jimin whines, “and it’s your birthday after all…”
“jimin’s right”, taehyung says, putting his arm around his boyfriend’s shoulder, “why won’t you stay just a bit longer, let’s ditch the idea of doing karaoke afterwards and just hang here?”
even though it’s friday, there aren’t many people in the bar they are sitting in. it’s mid september, and because it’s still extraordinarily warm outside, most of the people just hang in beer gardens or outside of bars scattered around itaewon. thanks to that, namjoon and his five friends can just chill over beers and celebrate in peace. it was such an intense day and namjoon feels so grateful his friends don’t push him to do anything crazy. still, he wants to go home.
to be honest, namjoon isn’t tired. he’s just… disappointed. sad, too. there shouldn’t be five people celebrating with him, but six.
“hey, it’s about jin, isn’t it?”, hoseok murmurs into namjoon’s ear. the birthday boy nods sadly.
of course it’s about jin. it’s about how his unexpected business trip showed up out of nowhere just two weeks ago and ruined their plans for this weekend, even though they’d wanted to just get away from the city this particular weekend for so long. it’s about how even though namjoon’s birthday was almost over, jin still hasn’t called or texted him.
he was lurking at his phone when he was eating breakfast, on the way and when his students in lit class he teaches as a part of his phd course were doing a task he gave, during lunch and in the afternoon, when he was out in the museum with a group of children from a charity he volunteers at, on his way to meet his friends, finally, he has been checking his phone every ten minutes ever since they got here. still, nothing. not even a single text.
“you know how much he has on his plate right now”, jungkook says. “besides,” he adds, “it’s a fifteen hour difference between seoul in chicago. maybe he lost count of time? you know how cut off from the world he becomes when he has this much work.”
yes, jungkook is right. the past six months were crazy for jin, just as much as they were for joon, he should be more empathetic towards his boyfriend. still, it hurts just as much.
namjoon knows it’s temporary. knows that as soon as that merger in jin’s company is over, he will get his boyfriend back. but for now, jin is barely home, flying between seoul, osaka and chicago or just spending this crazy amount of overtime hours in the office because he doesn't want to take work home (which is a very strict rule of his: no work stuff at home, as distinct from namjoon, who has his students’ papers scattered all around his desk in their shared office space). and it breaks namjoon’s heart because it is the first birthday they spend separately ever since they got together five years ago. though he tries to rationalize the situation, persuade himself that being away is something that sometimes happens in relationships, somehow, it still
“i’ll be heading out guys, seriously. don’t want to ruin the mood or anything, i’ll just finish this book or something.” namjoon says, picking up his stuff from his chair.
“wait,” yoongi chimes in, looking at his phone nervously, “you’re sure you don’t want another beer?”
“hyung, really not. i’ll take a walk, it’s still so warm outside.”
he steps outside of the bar and puts his earphones on.
the warm evening air envelopes him, and the delicate win ruffles his hair.
the distance from the bar to his and jin’s apartment in hannam-dong isn’t that long, around thirty minutes, perfect to just wind down and collect all the thoughts running around in his head.
usually, during his walks, namjoon is very attentive, looking around and trying to notice as many details as possible, using everything as inspiration for this book he still hopes to write and debut as an author with. this time though, he can’t really focus on the world around. the only thing that occupies his mind: jin, and his loud, painful absence.
namjoon can’t quite understand how this situation managed to get to his brain this much. maybe it’s just the fact that it’s the first time they’re separate during the time they’re so used to celebrate together. or maybe, it scares him to think that maybe this is something that will happen in the future… repeatedly.
what if they start spending even less time together? with this amount of work that jin has now, and namjoon’s own even busier schedule, it doesn’t seem impossible that they will just start drifting away and eventually split up. he hates those thoughts that poison his mind. he hates him for how just a couple of months ago he was sure they should get married soon, started even thinking about proposing to jin, and how now he struggles so hard not to get eaten up by this irrational fear of breaking up with the only man he’ll ever consider the love of his life.
drowning in thoughts, he doesn’t even realize he’s already reached home.
there is a terrace on the rooftop of their building, the one that only them have access to. in fact, the vision of having it all just to themselves was what convinced them to rent this place al ittle bit over a year ago. well, it was actually something that convinced namjoon, who then still had to persuade jin that this was exactly what they needed. what better place to sit and just chill, watch movies and fall asleep on warm nights than a rooftop with a view of the city? the hopeless romantic in namjoon shouted at him to do everything to make it happen. and even though jin has never cared about grand romantic gestures and would be satisfied with them just spending their dates eating take out legs tangled on their couch, he really couldn’t say no to the puppy eyes namjoon did whenever that rooftop terrace topic came on.
recently though, none of them really had time to spend even fifteen minutes there. and oh, how namjoon misses it. just two of them under the blankets on a warm july evening, drinking wine, watching the sun setting over seoul. or those small parties they threw for them and their friends. the lights hanging on the fence securing the edges of the terrace.
which is why, when namjoon approaches their building and sees said lights on, he freaks out.
what the hell . what on earth is happening here?
his first instinct tells him someone must have broken into their apartment. he takes the elevator and when he gets to their floor, he carefully takes the keys to their place and tries to open the door as quietly as possible. he turns the lights and goes to check every room. oddly, everything seems fine. maybe some kind of short circuit or power issues turned the lights on? he feels uncomfortable when he takes the first step on the stairs to the terrace. he’s slow and careful, almost as if he was ready to be attacked in just a second. when he reaches the penultimate step, that’s when he sees him.
jin looks directly at him, with a biggest smile on his face and bags under his eyes which indicate he must have just come back and the jet lag is still hard on him.
“hey, baby.”
it’s a dream, it’s a goddamn fever dream. he must have imagined it and soon he’ll wake up and he’ll be alone in their bed again. jin is supposed to come back in three days, not now.
namjoon looks around. all the lights are on, and on the wires that connect them, there are polaroids of him and jin they started taking five years ago when they decided to try a relationship. ever since then, they took hundreds of them: at home, during parties, on their foreign trips to europe and the us. there are blankets and tons of the jumpers they usually wear when they stay outside and it gets cold. there’s wine and tea, because jin knows how sleepy joon gets after even just one glass. the movie is set on the screen, notting hill, one of their favourites.
this isn’t much, no grand gestures, but namjoon knows how much effort jin still had to put into it all and his heart couldn’t be more grateful for it than it is right now.
“fancy to watch a movie with me?”
“what are you doing here?”, namjoon asks hesitatingly, making that final step to the rooftop.
“i came to wish you happy birthday. the negotiations ended two days ago, the rest of the team stayed in chicago, i took the opportunity to get to you earlier.”, jin replies. namjoon takes his hand, nah, he’s definitely real.
“and when did you come to seoul?”
“today, at like 5am. stayed at yoongi’s.”
“you stayed where?”, namjoon pouts, “to be honest, i’d suppose your first instinct would be to run straight into my arms. you didn’t text me, or called, or anything, and i was so afraid you maybe forgot or-”
“didn’t want to ruin the surprise, namjoon-ah.”, jin smirks and oh god, he looks so smug and so beautiful in his all black outfit and the smile that says he’s going to steal joon’s heart all over again and suddenly jin’s hands wrap around namjoon’s waist and the younger head lands on his shoulder and he inhales jin’s scent, the mix of musk and sandalwood, the one that fills his part of the closet joon sometimes opens when he misses him too much but still smells the best when he can feel it directly on his boyfriend’s body.
they forget about the movie no more than fifteen minutes in, just laying on the couch they unfolded so that they would both fit, legs intertwined and joon’s head on jin’s chest, the older’s fingers playing with the younger’s hair. it has already started to get colder, so they both wear layers of jumpers and cover themselves with blankets. they try to catch up on everything that happened over the week they didn’t see each other, so jin talks about his negotiations and how maybe finally the whole merger thing will be finalized within a month or two, which gives them hope to actually spend christmas together, and joon just told some stories about the kids he takes care of in the organization, and how earlier today he almost lost one of them because she stayed on the first floor of the museum admiring one specific painting so much she lost track of time.
“hey joon-ah”, jin interrupts, “you think our children would be like that too?”
namjoon lifts his head to look at his boyfriend.
“our what?”, he chuckles nervously, “hyung, we aren’t even engaged and suddenly we’re doing the kids talk?”
he said too much, he realizes almost immediately when he sees how jin’s eyes turn sad in a second.
“shit, hyung, i’m sorry”, he tries to say, “it just… you caught me by surprise and… yeah, i think they would be like that. not sure if both of them, but if i don’t get to raise at least one of them to be just as much of an art freak as i am, what’s the point then?’
jin relaxes as they both burst into laughter.
“both?”
“yeah, a boy and a girl, of course.”
“glad we’re on the same page, i’d love a boy and a girl too.”
the silence falls again as they keep on cuddling but suddenly joon feels jin fumble and after a moment the older puts a small box in his hand.
“hey, open it.”
namjoon sits up to open the box and- oh. there are two silver rings in it, almost the same in size, thick ones, both with tiny diamond bands in the middle. is this… can it be that-
“you say we aren’t engaged, but why shouldn’t we be exactly?”, jin sits up beside joon and wraps his arms around his waist, “every time i leave for another stupid business trip i keep thinking of how soon i’ll be back home with you and honestly? it’s the only thing that keeps me sane when you’re not around. and… i know we already kind of were talking about it a couple of months ago, before… before all this madness started. so when one day i was just walking through chicago during lunch break and i wanted to call you but realized it was like 3am here and i didn’t want to wake you up… so i just decided to stroll around the city and saw those on display at a jewellery store and thought, you know, maybe this is a sign? and i bought two, for each of us because, even if i am the one proposing, i don't really want you to think that i now somehow own you because it was /me/ that gave /you/ the ring. we’re equals and i’ll always want us to stay equals. and then it turned out that we got those two days off and it was another sign for me to just get my ass to you as soon as possible and do that… and so i’m here and we’re here and it’s still your birthday and i know i messed it up when i didn’t even call you but… namjoon-ah,” jin takes a deep breath and namjoon feels like his heart is going to jump out of his ribcage any time now, “let’s get married. we can take as much time as you need for that, we can get married tomorrow or in two years, whatever, but hey, let’s not be boyfriends anymore. let’s be fiancés. future husbands. it does have a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”
namjoon chuckles, but his eyes well up with tears. he feels so much at once - love, relief, gratitude, he’s so happy he feels his heart might burst . he turns his head around, enough to be able to kiss the corner of jin’s mouth.
“two years? baby, i’m not patient enough to wait two years to marry you.”
“okay”, jin chuckles, kissing joon back, “we can totally go to the town hall tomorrow…”
“nah,” namjoon fumbles around to face his- to jin and wraps his arms around him, the box still in his hands, “i have to go around and drag about how hot and good my /fiancé/ is.”
“wait-”, jin says with hesitation, “does this mean you’ll…”
“oh my god, hyung, you’re so dumb”, he says, arms already withdrawn and opens the box. he takes the smaller ring into his hands, the one that was definitely chosen for jin and his long, delicate fingers and puts it onto jin’s left finger, “yeah, i’ll marry you.”
as soon as the ring is on jin’s finger, he grabs namjoon by the nape and draws him closer to kiss him.
“hey, hey”, namjoon chuckles. and what about /my/ ring?”
they both laugh.
when both men wear their rings, jin’s lips are back on joon’s in just a second. they kiss slowly, lazily, as if they have the whole time in the world.
and for namjoon, it really does feel like that. when they get married, it means it’s forever. they will wake up together every morning, go to sleep together every night, they’ll go on the trips together and celebrate christmases together with their families. when they have kids, they’ll go on weekend trips to jeju with them, and he will be trying to convince them to take up art and try to get them interested in the same painters that he is.
there is so much time that waits for them, and namjoon can’t be more excited.
but now, the sports clock on his wrist ticks and it’s midnight, which means jin still managed to propose before namjoon’s birthday ended. the best day of his life.
so far, of course.