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Bard and Thranduil had met before what was to be known as the battle of the five armies...But it was in the aftermath of it that their building friendship shifted. It had shifted to something Thranduil was afraid of, it had shifted to love for both of them and the Elvenking would have none of it. Their feelings were obvious for everyone, but Thranduil tried to deny it, tried to hide and suppress those feelings he'd thought lost when he had lost his wife.
Love was a blessing and a curse for elves, a blessing when they got to keep their one for their eternity...But what a curse it was when, as Thranduil experienced it, you lost the light of your life, when your one was ripped from you...he had lived through it once, had suffered the loss, the emptiness and never recovered, not even for the sake of his only son, and heir.
These budding feelings for Bard had awoken some parts of the Elvenking's past, these feelings which had transformed "mellon" into "meleth", from friendship to love, there was only a thin line, a thin line his heart had crossed way too easily...But how not to love Bard? His dedication to his people, the way he'd always put his children's need before his own, how complete he made Thranduil feel...Though, Thranduil could not. He couldn't take so great a risk.
Bard was mortal, he would only have forty or fifty years more, then what? Losing him, grieving and mourning him, living all this all over again? Better safe than sorry as men would say...But the cost, gods, the price to pay would be so high.
Lost in his thoughts and the contemplation of his forest,Thranduil did not hear Bard enter his, their quarters.
"What has you so deep in thought you don't even hear me coming?"
The Elvenking turned around, facing Bard, not knowing what to say, staring at him with tears in his eyes, hating himself for letting his fears show. Then the man saw it, the internal turmoil brewing in his immortal lover's mind.
"Thranduil, what happened?"
Throat constricted, the Elvenking could not utter more than a heart breaking sentence
"I have to let you go, I have to let go of you...Lest I lose the remnants of my sanity"
More than confused, Bard took the elf's hand, pressing it gently, looking in the grey eyes of his partner in a silent question.
"The Valar cursed me, making me love you is a cruel joke..."
Bard frowned and squeezed the elvenking's hand, encouraging him to go on, not fully understanding what his lover was trying to say.
"Why are you saying this?"
A trembling voice replied, full of tears and anguish, bordering on thin and so unlike Thranduil's deep and powerful timbre it made Bard's heart clench.
"Why am I saying this? Because you're mortal meleth nin, and because of your mortality, I am bound to lose you. And with you, what remains of myself. I's all decided for us and we can't do anything about it."Whispered the elvenking, placing his hand on Bard's cheek, thumb rubbing the scruff there.
"Yes, I am mortal, that is true, but we can have forever, even if it's short, forever is what we choose to make of it, forever is what we choose to be and how we choose to define it...Refusing love will only hurt you more." Came the whispered response.
Silence floated between them, only disturbed by their breathing, Bard slowly rubbing his thumb on Thranduil's hand. Putting his other hand at the back of the Elvenking's neck, he pulled gently so his lover's face was only inches from his own. Then he pressed his lips on Thranduil's, lips, then on the trails his tears had left, light and tender touches, full of his feelings for the elf, full of the wisdom only mortality can give, of the wisdom only loss and then hope can give.
Eyes closed, Thranduil felt the anxiety recede, letting go of the smothering fear, allowing himself to be loved.
"You might be right meleth nin. Forever might be our today..."
Bard's lips shushed him once more, delicate, reassuring and full of promises. His forehead on the Elvenking's, staring right into the deep grey eyes of his lover, he whispered "who waits forever anyway?"