Chapter Text
As they stand and stare into the ocean in utter shock, Shelby leans into Toni for support. Toni wraps her arm around Shelby to keep herself from spiraling. But the ocean stays as calm as it was before, as if nothing ever happened, and it’s only for Shelby that Toni doesn’t lose her mind right here and now.
Toni managed so far. So far she could deal with all this shit because hey, what else does she have?
Nothing. Everyone here has someone who loves them. Someone who looks for them. And she? What does she have? She has a borrowed family and one friend, who happens to be stuck in the same hell as her. She has worn out clothes, no money, no future and lots of build up anger.
Shelby’s body quivers, and Toni pulls her closer instinctively, their eyes still set onto the waves that seem to have swallowed both Reid sisters.
It was all okay until a few minutes ago. Everything was good. As good as things can be in their situation. Not even ten minutes ago Shelby kissed her on that hill, and everything suddenly felt... right. Like it’s a really good thing to be here. There was this hopeful feeling rising in Toni’s chest that she didn’t know but loved immediately. She’d give it all to go back there.
And then Martha screamed.
„Come on.“ Shelby whispers, her eyes fixated onto the water, nervously Toni’s hand. „Come on, girls.“
Toni knows she should look away, it’s been minutes since Nora went under and even more time since Rachel disappeared. But she can’t give up the last bit of hope, because she doesn’t have anything left but hope. For all she knows they’ll probably die out here, and she has to hope they can make it out alive. She may not be missed but Shelby? Shelby would.
And then Rachel comes up for air close to the beach and they all move as one, sprinting through the sand to get the girl out of the dangerous waters.
Rachel is pale and bloody, that’s all Toni has time to notice before she and Fatin catch the girl and pull her out onto the sand.
Shelby screams something, Dot shouts for Leah to get their supplies. But Leah screams for Nora - not in a panicked way, more in an angry and absolutely mental way. The girl has lost her mind days ago, she won’t be any use.
They carry Rachel to the campside and lay her down on Martha‘s makeshift bed, and that’s when they see. Or don’t.
It’s missing.
The fucking shark bit her fucking hand off.
The thing is, Toni has seen a lot of shit in her life. She has seen men beating their wives and children, has seen gunshot wounds, junkies who overdozed, dead corpses. Name it, she saw it.
But when she sees that - or rather the lack of it - it’s just too much. She turns and hurls the little food her stomach held right into the sand.
She wishes she could say she acts like a hero. That she saves Rachel. But the truth is, she can’t even fucking move.
She sinks into the sand, fisting her hands into it as she helplessly watches Fatin, Martha and Dot trying to save their friend‘s life.
Friend.
They’ve become friends simply over the fact that they’re stranded on a deserted fucking island together. All their differences, they’re family issues or personal reasons don’t matter anymore. These girls here are more family than Toni ever had.
But Toni can’t ...
All she later remembers is blood, too much blood, and Rachel’s screams. A sound so horrible, that’s sure she’ll have nightmares from it years from now.
And she remembers Shelby. Kisses and touches and sounds. She remembers blonde hair and a mole that looks like a butterfly on creamy skin, she remembers fingertips running through her hair and laughter. She starts listing all Shelby-things she can think of.
„Toni.“ Something cold and wet touches her forehead. „Can you hear me?“
58. Shelby blinks twice when she’s nervous.
„Toni.“ Two soft hands touch her face, cupping it gently. „Hey.“
„She’s in shock.“ Martha says.
„Aren’t we all?“ Fatin comments dryly.
59. Shelby cursed exactly eleven times.
„She has been rocking back and forth for over an hour.“
„She’s the only one who hasn’t lost it before, give her a break. She’ll be okay.“ Fatin replies. „As okay as we’ll ever be.“
„Toni.“
Again. That sound.
Suddenly everything is a beautiful shade of cyan.
„Hey.“ Shelby says. „There you are.“
Toni blinks. And then she catches Shelby‘s eyes. „Shelby.“ She breathes, getting a little lost in green and blue and turquoise and... she forget all the colors. „You’re okay.“
Shelby nods. „I am. We’re okay.“ She says softly, almost like a whisper.
Toni finds herself leaning into Shelby’s touch, desperate to feel close to her.
Soft fingertips run through her hair. „Shh. It’s okay.“
But then it all comes back to her. Plane crash. Island. Shelby. Shark. „Rachel?“
„She’s alive.“
„For now.“ Fatin comments.
„You’re such an asshole!“ Shelby snaps at her, pulling back from Toni.
„Just realistic.“
Toni takes a shuddering breath as she tries to grasp anything. „Nora?“
Shelby doesn’t move, but her eyes well with tears and that’s all the confirmation Toni needs.
This is a fucking horror show.
An urge to move rises inside of her and she can only hold it for a couple of seconds before it becomes overwhelming.
She jumps to her feet and runs. Away from the bloody sand, away from her girls, away from the crash and everything related. She just runs down the beach and runs and runs until her legs give out and she crashes into the sand.
Something hurts, but she can’t make out what, she just stays on the ground and rolls onto her back to look at the clouds above.
Fluffy white little... what do clouds consist of again? She squints a few times, but doesn’t remember.
Nora would know.
Nora.
Toni starts laughing. First toneless, then louder and louder until she’s laughing so hysterically, her sides start aching.
Maybe she’s losing it. Her mind, if she ever had it. Maybe this is how Leah feels like, how they all feel like. It takes a deserted island in the middle of nowhere, a plane crash and people dying to feel like everybody else.
And if that isn’t fucking ironic.
...