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Tommy was always confused about the whole concept of family. He knew that for most people, their parents and siblings, their family, were their whole world. He knew that they felt they could always turn to their family when things went south, he knew that family was supposed to stick together.
He knew that a family was supposed to make each other feel loved.
If that was how it worked, then what was wrong with Tommyinnit?
Why didn’t Tommy feel the same connection with his family that Tubbo seemed to feel with his? Just that night, Tubbo had stopped streaming in order to go to the shops with Lani. That’s how much the boy loved his sister.
Tommy couldn’t remember the last time he had actually wanted to go to the markets with his parents. Or the last time he had really done anything with his parents.
Tommy tried to play it off as no big deal, telling himself that if he had siblings, then it would be better. He would be closer to them than his parents. It’s not like every single teenager in the world had a great bond with their parents. Right?
Tommy watched as Wilbur paused his stream to answer a call from his dad. But that didn’t count because Wilbur wasn’t a teenager. He was an adult, they were supposed to have better relationships because they were more mature or something. Yeah, that’s it.
Tommy’s family relationship was fine, it just needed some help. It would all work out in the end though because that was how families worked. Family meant the people who were always there for you, no matter what. Family meant the people you were assigned at birth.
The boy began to feel a bit distressed as he thought about it every day. He wanted his picture perfect family, but he had no idea how to get there.
He wanted to feel loved by, and to feel love for, his parents. Tommy just wanted an actual family.
Why couldn’t he have that?
Why was it that the first time he truly felt loved by an adult was when he was on call with Phil the other day?
After both Tommy and Phil had ended stream, they sat in vc. Both engrossed with a conversation that seemingly had no plot. They talked about whatever came up, and after nearly an hour, Tommy remembered that he had to finish homework, and his chores.
He had given a quick “farewell!” and was able to end the call when Phil responded.
“Good luck! I love you, Tommy.”
Tommy ended the call and sat in silence, staring at the wall. Why did that simple “I love you” spark so much emotion? His parents said it to him, but it never felt quite like this. It never actually made Tommy feel loved.
Now, don’t get him wrong. He liked his parents all right. They didn’t hurt him, and they provided all he needed to stay alive and function right. There was nothing that they did to him that made them bad people.
Tommy just didn’t totally feel loved. He didn’t feel safe to talk about his interests. He didn’t feel like he could tell his parents all about his life and his friends. He didn’t want them to judge him or tell him that he was a bad kid, so he just didn’t talk to them.
And they never seemed to care.
Which is probably why Phil meant so much to Tommy. The boy knew that Phil cared.
In fact, Phil always seemed to care. He and Wilbur were constantly checking up on Tommy. They were always attending school events and going for ice cream, or to the shops, or something of the sorts.
Tommy was always in awe at the emotions those two seemed to always provide. The boy never ceased to feel loved. Even when he and Wilbur go in arguments, Tommy still knew that they’d eventually make up, and things would go back to the way they were.
He knew that even when they were fighting, Wilbur would still do anything for him. Tommy felt safe, and loved, and didn't know what that meant. Because they weren’t family, right? They weren’t related at all, and yet they were more of a family than his own parents.
He was confused, and tired of being confused. So one night as he hopped on vc, he braced himself with a conversation he felt he needed to have.
“Hey, Tommy!” Wilbur had exclaimed as Discord announced his presence with a gentle noise.
“Hey, guys.” Tommy responded, “I have a question, if that’s okay?”
Seeming to sense Tommy’s somewhat anxious emotions, Phil answered softly. “Sure, Tommy! We always want to hear from you.”
The boy cleared his throat, trying to remember what all he wanted to say, and panicking as his mind came up blank.
“You know what a family is?”
There was a pause.
“Yes, I believe I do. What do you mean?” Wilbur responded.
“Well, like, what I’m trying to say is: do you know what a family means? Like, what does it mean to be family?”
“Tommy, you seem a little out of sorts. Are you okay?” Phil asked, trying to understand.
“I’m- I’m fine. I’m just trying to figure out some stuff.”
“Alright. Well, I guess family just means people who are kind for each other, and would do anything for each other. In my mind, family means people who are loyal, and selfless. Family means love.” Phil’s words only sparked more questions from Tommy.
“Do you have to live together to be family?”
“Well, no. You could be far away and still be a family.”
“Do- Do you have to be biologically related?”
At this point, Wilbur pipped in. “No, you don’t have to be, Tommy. What about those who are adopted? They’re still family even though they aren’t the same blood.”
There was a pause as everyone seemed to sense the question that Tommy wanted to ask next.
“Tommy?” Wilbur asked.
“Yes, Wil?”
“Are you wanting to know if we’re a family?”
There was another pause before a very soft, “yeah” was heard.
“Absolutely.” Came the response from both men.
“Tommy, you are one hundred percent family. No matter what, you’re stuck with us.” Phil said.
Tommy smiled at his computer screen, miles away from what he could now call his family, and feeling closer than ever.
It took him time, but eventually Tommyinnit found his family.