Chapter Text
It was his 11th birthday when Jisung started to look for something. He was not sure what it was but he felt like he needed to find something or someone. He voiced out these worries to his Mom on the night of his birthday.
“That’s your soul, love. It’s starting to connect with you,” his mother said with a fond smile on his face.
Jisung did not understand what her Mother said but he nodded anyway. He kept thinking about that missing thing until his mother tucked him in and kissed him goodnight, dreaming of an elegant creature that’s way too far for him to distinguish.
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It’s Jisung’s 16th birthday and it was celebrated like how any other 16-year-olds celebrate their own, hoping to find their soulmates by inviting a lot of people to their parties. The party was held at his house after begging his parents for 2 weeks. Now that almost everyone that studies at his high school was here, Jisung was starting to regret his decision. It was safe to say that the introvert that is displayed on his Twitter bio was present since that day.
Jisung was pulled out from his thoughts when he felt his phone vibrate.
Lixie my Solemayhaps
We’re here Sungie! Now tell me where you are so I can shower you with my loveee~
Jisung smiled at the message of his best friend and replied with his location. Soon enough Felix was clinging onto him giving him dozens of kisses.
“Eww, no, go away,” Jisung said, feigning disgust. If he’s being honest, Jisung really is an affectionate person. Maybe craving for the feeling of hugs and skinship pushed him to be like that, he reasoned out.
“No, you love it, you love me,” Felix said giggling. Jisung just scoffed, not able to contain the smile that formed on his lips.
“Happy Birthday Sungie,” Chan said behind them, giving the two a fond smile.
“Thank you, Hyung,” He said, smiling back to his best friend’s soulmate.
Jisung still takes pride in letting the two meet. Felix being his best friend and Chan being his favorite Senior in the producing club of his school, it was inevitable for the two to meet since Jisung only has a few people on his friends' list.
That is when Felix went to Jisung’s school so that they can do their monthly BFF dates. Chan decided to walk with Jisung on their way out of campus to talk about the track that they were producing and he was more than excited to introduce the two to each other.
“Lixie! This is Chan Hyung, my senior at the club that I always tell you about!" Jisung said with a cheerful smile. Happy that two of the most important people in his life was meeting.
“Chan Hyung, this is Felix, my best friend,” he added. Felix smiled wide, cheeks flushed, halting the chewing of his gum to introduce himself. He always had a gum with him, defending how it was a great strategy of knowing if he met his soulmate since his sense of taste will only be useful when he’s eating something, his dentist’s complaints going from one ear to the other.
Felix offered his hand and Chan gladly accepted it, ears turning red. That was also the time when Chan first smelled the sweet vanilla scent of Felix’s perfume and the first time Felix finally tasted the sweetness of his gum. Needless to say, Felix bragged about his gum-chewing strategy to his dentist until the old man retired.
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On his 20th birthday, Jisung was old enough to know everything about soulmates and according to everyone else’s expectations, he was too old to still be looking for his own. If Jisung was being honest, the hope of finding his soulmate was slowly deteriorating, especially when everyone around him already found theirs.
Saying that looking for his soulmate as stressful was an understatement for Jisung. He started feeling heavy, all of the excitement and glee that the concept of having a soulmate was replaced with burden and fear. Fear that maybe he won't be able to find his other half. Fear that he was not doing enough. Fear that maybe he was just not born with a soulmate. Fear that maybe his soulmate was already gone and he would never be able to meet them.
He started looking for things to blame to the point that he started blaming his personality, himself. It was clear to anyone around him that the 19th and 20th year of his life was his darkest time. Jisung tried to change himself, blaming his introverted personality as the cause of not meeting his soulmate. So he started going to different bars and parties, touching every other person that he is able to, desperate to feel that absence in his being.
Everyone was worried about him, afraid that he will get hurt at what he’s doing especially when at the end of every party or night out, he’d get drunk until he blackouts when he fails to find his soulmate.
It was only when Jisung got into an accident that the realization hit him.
He was once again drunk one night, trying his best to find his way home with his whole world spinning. Too intoxicated to notice the car that was behind him and blacking out after hearing a loud impact.
Jisung woke up feeling nothing as usual. He figured that he was in the hospital by smelling the antiseptic when he came into consciousness. He saw his mother on his right, face and reddened eyes puffy from crying while Felix was on his left in the same state.
Jisung was confused as to why they were crying until he tried to move his hand and failed to reach out and wipe away the tears of his Mother.
He tried to move it again figuring out that something was stopping his hands from moving.
“Oh, Ji-ji,” his mother cried and hugged him seeing how confused his son was. Jisung’s tears started to roll down his temple when it dawned on him.
He got into an accident, and he did not even feel it. He can't even feel the bruises that covered his body.
Was he supposed to be thankful that he cannot feel the pain? Was he considered blessed now?
Jisung closed his eyes as he let the pity for himself eat him. Crying out all of his frustrations until his heart was lighter.
It took Jisung almost two months to recover, not only physically but also mentally. He promised his parents and friends that he will not be reckless anymore.
He tried his best to look for himself again, the one that he lost while he desperately looked for another person, hoping to fill the emptiness in him.