Work Text:
“Permission to board granted.”
The message flinked on the screen. He needed, at least, 30 doboshes before arriving at the Atlas but he could already see the chromated reflection at distance. Reflecting the light of the nearest star.
He traveled in a small Galra ship. It was tiny but quick, the type of ship he was favoring to use lately. It was adequate for travelling long distances, fast and barely detectable.
As the link between the Coalition and the Blade of Marmora, Keith needed this kind of transportation. He was already used to it, but he missed the low rumble of the Black Lion on the back of his mind. It was a reconfortating feeling he hadn’t expected to miss. He never imagined a future without the Lions. He hadn’t had the time, though.
His new reality was never what he expected, his entire life seemed to be out of a science fiction book.
He was tired, already meandering on existential thoughts. He didn’t want to think too much, he didn’t want to remember the little void in his chest. He needed to keep going and forget those things. He had a purpose anyway, and a lot of expectations on him. Even if he never felt the need to do those things. It was his life now.
He landed on the hangar smooth and soundlessly. There was almost nobody in there, excluding the minimum personnel. The lights were dimmer. It was already the night cycle of the ship, he concluded.
His arrival was unscheduled so he didn't expect to be received. He’ll have a meeting the next day with a few members of the Coalition, but until then, he could rest. He needed it, anyway. The trip was not long but he went after long hours of work and an unexpected meeting with crucial information. He needed to deliver the intel as soon as possible so he should wake up early.
With a small bag on his shoulder, he went throughout the hangar and into the corridors of the ship.
He walked slowly but steadily, going across the hallways following his instinct. He had been in almost every place of the ship but he was too tired to think about it. He knew he was going to his quarters.
On the way, he suddenly came to a stop. He was passing through the office section, more specifically, the management of the Atlas crew. The lights were off in every room excepting the head office. Shiro’s office.
He was tired but the worry for the elder was already second nature to him, so he stopped at the door and went into the room.
The light came from his desktop lamp, the rest of the room pretty dark. The man was sitting at his desk, the table organized but going through some work. A lot of paperwork. And Shiro was already sleeping on it. He felt a little smile forming on his face, while going to the Admiral. Always working restlessly, the same man he knew.
He got near enough to see the little pool of drool on his paperwork, still with a pen on his hand. It was really late to keep working, having on account that in his way through the passageways he didn’t come across anyone.
The man displayed purple bags under his eyes. Even while sleeping soundlessly, he could notice how tired he was. He already knew he couldn’t do anything to keep Shiro from overwork himself. He was away too much.
Without thinking, he took the jacket of his uniform resting on the back of his chair and rested it on his broad shoulders. At least he wouldn’t be that cold.
He knew it wasn’t the best way of resting. He needed to be on a bed, but it felt wrong to wake him up. Shiro never sleeped well and his relaxed expression assured him he wasn’t going on a nightmare. Interrupting that wouldn't have felt good knowing he already conciliated sleep.
He always thought about Shiro, normally with worry and concern, but lately he was trying to set aside those thoughts. He will never be the one to play that part. Even now, he felt wrong while moving apart a strand of his hair falling on his eyes with care.
The door opened suddenly and he retrieved his hand quickly from the elder’s face.
He looked at the figure in there a little startled and ashamed.
"Hello Keith, I didn’t know you arrived.” the man said. He looked a little bit surprised at his presence. Then his eyes went to the figure on the desk. "So that's why he didn’t come to bed.” The man sighed.
"I’m going to wake him up. He needs a proper sleep." The man said.
He wanted to complain but it was not his place to object. After all, this man was Shiro’s husband.
"I’ll be going then." he said. He didn’t want to be there anymore. The turmoil of his thoughts was already taking place and making him feel bad.
"Good night Curtis." he said before going out of the room.
He didn’t wait for a response and went to the hallways. He knew that if he stayed and Shiro woke up, he was going to enter full working mode. And he needed to rest. The intel was urgent but it could wait for a few more vargas.
He arrived at his quarters soon after.
He placed his bag on the floor and took off the slim armor of himself, getting naked in few motions.
He felt the contact of the mattress on his skin and sighed.
It hurted. It still hurted him. The man that Shiro had chosen for himself. To share his life. To take care of.
He knew he was just jealous. Curtis was a good man. He proved he cared for Shiro, so he couldn’t complain about it. And Shiro seemed happy. So Keith was happy for him, how could he not be?
His long lasting love for his best friend didn’t matter. He had confessed. It hadn't been the best situation to do it but he did. Maybe Shiro didn’t remember. But it didn’t matter. Things had been difficult for a while after Allura’s… It was hard. He was needed in the Blades. Shiro was needed in the Atlas. He was away from him and when he realised it, it was too late.
So he didn’t regret it.
But it still hurt.
The void in his chest took place with more force. He knew that sleeping was going to be difficult now.
He was starting to hate the times in the Atlas. This place reminded him of Shiro, the man he loves. The man that’ll never be his. It was easier away. While being in the central of the Blades, he missed him, but he could imagine. He knew that his delusions weren’t healthy. But made things less painful.
While being on board of the Atlas, he had the constant reminder of his best friend being married. Just a glance to his hand and the band on his finger was enough. He found himself trying to limit his stay to things related to their work. He was distancing from Shiro. It wasn’t fair for the elder either. He wasn’t being a good friend.
He wanted to move on. He needed it. But how could he do it after so many years of love. Unrequited, but still. It meant something.
Sleep came late that night.